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The Seven-Day Prescription
La receta para el amor: 7 días para mejorar tu conexión, intimidad y placer / The Love Prescription
From New York Times–bestselling authors Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, a simple yet powerful plan to transform your relationship in seven days
What makes love last? Why does one couple stay together forever, while another falls apart? And most importantly, is there a scientific formula for love?
Drs. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman are the world’s leading relationship scientists. For the past forty years, they have been studying love. They’ve gathered data on over three thousand couples, looking at everything from their body language to the way they converse to their stress hormone levels. Their goal: to identify the building blocks of love.
The Love Prescription distills their life’s work into a bite-size, seven-day action plan with easy, immediately actionable steps. There will be no grand gestures and no big, hard conversations. There’s nothing to buy or do to prepare. Anyone can do this, from any starting point. There is a formula for a good relationship, and this book will show you how a few small changes can fundamentally transform your relationship for the better.
What makes love last? Why does one couple stay together forever, while another falls apart? And most importantly, is there a scientific formula for love?
Drs. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman are the world’s leading relationship scientists. For the past forty years, they have been studying love. They’ve gathered data on over three thousand couples, looking at everything from their body language to the way they converse to their stress hormone levels. Their goal: to identify the building blocks of love.
The Love Prescription distills their life’s work into a bite-size, seven-day action plan with easy, immediately actionable steps. There will be no grand gestures and no big, hard conversations. There’s nothing to buy or do to prepare. Anyone can do this, from any starting point. There is a formula for a good relationship, and this book will show you how a few small changes can fundamentally transform your relationship for the better.
224 pages, Paperback
Published March 26, 2024
1545 people are currently reading
9509 people want to read
About the author
John M. Gottman
95 books2,097 followersDr. Gottman was one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker. He is the author or co-author of over 200 published academic articles and more than 40 books, including the bestselling The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; What Makes Love Last; Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love; The Relationship Cure; Why Marriages Succeed or Fail; and Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child — among many others. Dr. Gottman’s media appearances include Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, as well articles in The New York Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, People, Self, Reader’s Digest, and Psychology Today.
Co-founder of The Gottman Institute and co-founder of Affective Software, Inc. with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, John was also the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute. He is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded “The Love Lab” at which much of his research on couples’ interactions was conducted.
Co-founder of The Gottman Institute and co-founder of Affective Software, Inc. with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, John was also the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute. He is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded “The Love Lab” at which much of his research on couples’ interactions was conducted.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 527 reviews
January 18, 2025
HIGHLIGHTS:
1. LITTLE THINGS:
- Love is about the LITTLE things done OFTEN.
- Details matter. Sweat the small stuff.
- One tiny change.
2. PREDICTION:
- Gottman can do a 15 min observation = predict marriage success.
3. CURIOSITY:
- Stay curious about each other.
- Focus on appreciating and expressing.
4. TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER:
- Work on friendship
- Don’t allow a grudge to grow
- Empath & humor
- “Is there anything you need from me today?”
- Make small love deposits
5. SAY THANK YOU:
- Tell them WHY this is important to you (eg making coffee in the morning).
- Pay attention and notice what your partner does.
6. CONTEMPT:
- Negative Lens of Seeing Your Partner can Lead to Contempt.
- Stay focused on what you love and appreciate.
- 5:1 = five positive to one negative.
- Positive intentions are irrelevant.
- Admiration: value WHO your partner is. Cherishing is a powerful protectant.
- Enduring vulnerabilities: accept them the way they are.
7. ASK:
- Ask directly for what you need. No hinting, no assumptions.
- Avoid direct criticism.
- Avoid “always” and “never”.
- Sandbagging - dump list of all the things the partner does wrong.
- Criticism doesn’t motivate partner
- Describe self. Describe situations that are bothering you. Identify need. Request. (It’s about YOU, not about your partner).
- Simple and straightforward: How you start a conversation matters, it sets the tone to respond to a problem.
- “Are you available?” - request for full attention.
8. RIGHT:
- Tell each other what is right in the relationship and partner.
9. LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH:
- We stop courting each other and prioritizing romance, fun, adventure, and great sex.
10. Loneliness in Marriage:
1. LITTLE THINGS:
- Love is about the LITTLE things done OFTEN.
- Details matter. Sweat the small stuff.
- One tiny change.
2. PREDICTION:
- Gottman can do a 15 min observation = predict marriage success.
3. CURIOSITY:
- Stay curious about each other.
- Focus on appreciating and expressing.
4. TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER:
- Work on friendship
- Don’t allow a grudge to grow
- Empath & humor
- “Is there anything you need from me today?”
- Make small love deposits
5. SAY THANK YOU:
- Tell them WHY this is important to you (eg making coffee in the morning).
- Pay attention and notice what your partner does.
6. CONTEMPT:
- Negative Lens of Seeing Your Partner can Lead to Contempt.
- Stay focused on what you love and appreciate.
- 5:1 = five positive to one negative.
- Positive intentions are irrelevant.
- Admiration: value WHO your partner is. Cherishing is a powerful protectant.
- Enduring vulnerabilities: accept them the way they are.
7. ASK:
- Ask directly for what you need. No hinting, no assumptions.
- Avoid direct criticism.
- Avoid “always” and “never”.
- Sandbagging - dump list of all the things the partner does wrong.
- Criticism doesn’t motivate partner
- Describe self. Describe situations that are bothering you. Identify need. Request. (It’s about YOU, not about your partner).
- Simple and straightforward: How you start a conversation matters, it sets the tone to respond to a problem.
- “Are you available?” - request for full attention.
8. RIGHT:
- Tell each other what is right in the relationship and partner.
9. LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH:
- We stop courting each other and prioritizing romance, fun, adventure, and great sex.
10. Loneliness in Marriage:
October 24, 2022
Totally worth it to listen to Brene Browns podcasts with the Gottman’s about the book too!
January 2, 2023
This book I read with my boyfriend and it was a short and efficacious read. It has helped us to have conversations about positive practices to incorporate in our relationship and helped us to start things with a strong foundation.
May 9, 2023
The question is, do you make the effort to get to know each other again? Are you curious? Can you stay friends? That's what romance is, really. It's friendship.
When I was first recommended this book I was instantly curious, however, slightly apprehensive. Would this book even apply to me if I wasn’t yet in a declining marriage? The first few pages quickly persuaded me that this book was for anybody, at any stage in their relationship (I’d even argue that this extends to a lesser degree to your platonic relationships and not strictly romantic). It made a lot of sense that no matter where you were in your relationship (early stages to a life long marriage with grandkids and everywhere in between), we all could benefit from a little extra knowledge and help when it comes to one of the more important relationships in our lives.
This book gave me a ton of useful insight, handy tips and tricks to try out, as well as more ‘big picture’ ideas to think about when it comes to relationships. However, many of the examples and stories that provided context felt out of touch for me personally (I don’t doubt they resonate with many couples out there). My biggest knock is that some of the story examples felt so comically obvious, but I suppose that is entirely the point. There are indeed real life couples who have gone years without a date night, or have lost the ability to say ‘thank you’ to their partner.
As with all of these non-fiction type books, I looked to mainly take the good and discard the rest. Beside that one negative mentioned above, there were a ton of key takeaways I had from reading this, mainly:
1. A lot more of our relationship than we realize is a choice. It is an active, conscious decision that we make each day. A little bit at a time, that compounds the more we do it. A small gesture of affection, a simple thank you, asking deep questions, and choosing to focus on the positive qualities that we admire rather than the negative.
2. We are evolving all the time. Our internal monologues shape our dreams, desires, likes, dislikes, constantly. We can think sharks are our favorite animals Monday and by Friday have that change to a panther. The point being is that, when it comes to our partners, the same is also true! And it is up to us to keep an up to date account of where they are in their life and how they feel. About any and everything. Like surveying an unfamiliar terrain requires an updated map to navigate, so too, do our relationships require a Love Map that we need to keep accurate.
3. Lastly, as alluded to above. Compound Interest. The power of doing little things constantly in a relationship is a key to what can strengthen it over time. It was this very idea that kicked off my reading of this book. By being proactive, by being active, we can invest a little bit each day in our relationships that will ultimately lay a solid foundation that gets built upon as time goes on.
This book is a short, insightful read. It won’t magically fix you or your relationship overnight, but what it will do is provide you with the context around what it takes to make one work. It provides you with a handy guide to make a bunch of tiny course corrections that you can do today which over time will lead to better connection. I think a lot of people these days overly romanticize what a relationship is and what it should be. If you think that you might fall in this category then I think reading this book by yourself might be a good place to start if you wish to change that notion. Relationships take work. They take buy in. They take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was Rome-ance…
When I was first recommended this book I was instantly curious, however, slightly apprehensive. Would this book even apply to me if I wasn’t yet in a declining marriage? The first few pages quickly persuaded me that this book was for anybody, at any stage in their relationship (I’d even argue that this extends to a lesser degree to your platonic relationships and not strictly romantic). It made a lot of sense that no matter where you were in your relationship (early stages to a life long marriage with grandkids and everywhere in between), we all could benefit from a little extra knowledge and help when it comes to one of the more important relationships in our lives.
This book gave me a ton of useful insight, handy tips and tricks to try out, as well as more ‘big picture’ ideas to think about when it comes to relationships. However, many of the examples and stories that provided context felt out of touch for me personally (I don’t doubt they resonate with many couples out there). My biggest knock is that some of the story examples felt so comically obvious, but I suppose that is entirely the point. There are indeed real life couples who have gone years without a date night, or have lost the ability to say ‘thank you’ to their partner.
As with all of these non-fiction type books, I looked to mainly take the good and discard the rest. Beside that one negative mentioned above, there were a ton of key takeaways I had from reading this, mainly:
1. A lot more of our relationship than we realize is a choice. It is an active, conscious decision that we make each day. A little bit at a time, that compounds the more we do it. A small gesture of affection, a simple thank you, asking deep questions, and choosing to focus on the positive qualities that we admire rather than the negative.
2. We are evolving all the time. Our internal monologues shape our dreams, desires, likes, dislikes, constantly. We can think sharks are our favorite animals Monday and by Friday have that change to a panther. The point being is that, when it comes to our partners, the same is also true! And it is up to us to keep an up to date account of where they are in their life and how they feel. About any and everything. Like surveying an unfamiliar terrain requires an updated map to navigate, so too, do our relationships require a Love Map that we need to keep accurate.
3. Lastly, as alluded to above. Compound Interest. The power of doing little things constantly in a relationship is a key to what can strengthen it over time. It was this very idea that kicked off my reading of this book. By being proactive, by being active, we can invest a little bit each day in our relationships that will ultimately lay a solid foundation that gets built upon as time goes on.
This book is a short, insightful read. It won’t magically fix you or your relationship overnight, but what it will do is provide you with the context around what it takes to make one work. It provides you with a handy guide to make a bunch of tiny course corrections that you can do today which over time will lead to better connection. I think a lot of people these days overly romanticize what a relationship is and what it should be. If you think that you might fall in this category then I think reading this book by yourself might be a good place to start if you wish to change that notion. Relationships take work. They take buy in. They take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was Rome-ance…
November 23, 2023
Well, I did not expect this to like this as much as I did. I thought this book was written for people who experience difficulties in their relationships. I only started reading it because I promised the publisher. In fact, this book is very easy to read, there is a lot of humor, and it is filled with advice on how to maintain an already loving relationship.
January 20, 2023
What a powerful, incisive book for something so small. I’d highly recommend anyone in a relationship who is looking to grow closer with their partner take a little time to read this together.
December 14, 2022
Gimana rasanya punya partner yang juga sama-sama put the effort in a relationship?
Menyenangkan! ✨
Pasangan Gottman ini nggak begitu familiar buatku. Jadi yang bikin aku tergerak buat baca bukunya tentu saja judulnya 😁 Sebagai orang yang pengin ngerapiin diri sendiri & menjaga supaya pengalaman buruk di masa kecil nggak terulang, aku sengaja menyediakan waktu buat belajar tentang relasi. Khususnya soal relasi romantis.
The Seven-Day Love Prescription kurang lebih merupakan hasil observasi The Gottman Institute melalui Love Lab yang mereka inisiasi. Mereka mengamati banyak sekali pasangan untuk mendapatkan "rumusan" bagaimana relasi romantis bisa langgeng.
Seperti judul bukunya, ada 7 bab/hari yang menjadi topik bahasan. Dimulai dari Day 1: Make A Contact dan ditutup dengan Day 7: Declare A Date Night.
Buku ini disusun dengan harapan supaya pembaca nggak terburu-buru ingin memanaskan (lagi) perapian dalam hubungannya. Makanya setiap akhir bab diberi latihan yang harus dicoba per hari. Kalau sudah mencoba hari pertama (atau Day 1), maka pembaca bisa lanjut mencoba latihan hari kedua (Day 2).
The Seven-Day Love Prescription ini buku yang sudah dikemas supaya bisa dipraktikkan tanpa terlalu banyak ngasih teori. Makanya jangan heran kalau bukunya nggak sampai 200 halaman. Cocok buat yang belum terbiasa membaca buku tebal tapi penasaran apa sih yang ditulis oleh duo Gottman ini.
Pada salindia kedua hingga selesai aku memberikan contoh kasus yang terjadi pada hubungan kami. Lucunya adalah, ketika aku memberi tahu @hasyemiraws tentang buku ini ternyata dia sudah tahu duluan karena pernah mendengar podcast The Gottman Institute! 🥹 Bahkan dia juga mulai mempraktikkan apa yang disarankan oleh Gottman (terutama soal apresiasi dan mengucapkan terima kasih).
Saat membaca buku ini, aku sembari membayangkan: apakah aku sudah mencoba ketujuh resep ini dengan baik? Apakah ada yang aku lewatkan?
Menyenangkan! ✨
Pasangan Gottman ini nggak begitu familiar buatku. Jadi yang bikin aku tergerak buat baca bukunya tentu saja judulnya 😁 Sebagai orang yang pengin ngerapiin diri sendiri & menjaga supaya pengalaman buruk di masa kecil nggak terulang, aku sengaja menyediakan waktu buat belajar tentang relasi. Khususnya soal relasi romantis.
The Seven-Day Love Prescription kurang lebih merupakan hasil observasi The Gottman Institute melalui Love Lab yang mereka inisiasi. Mereka mengamati banyak sekali pasangan untuk mendapatkan "rumusan" bagaimana relasi romantis bisa langgeng.
Seperti judul bukunya, ada 7 bab/hari yang menjadi topik bahasan. Dimulai dari Day 1: Make A Contact dan ditutup dengan Day 7: Declare A Date Night.
Buku ini disusun dengan harapan supaya pembaca nggak terburu-buru ingin memanaskan (lagi) perapian dalam hubungannya. Makanya setiap akhir bab diberi latihan yang harus dicoba per hari. Kalau sudah mencoba hari pertama (atau Day 1), maka pembaca bisa lanjut mencoba latihan hari kedua (Day 2).
The Seven-Day Love Prescription ini buku yang sudah dikemas supaya bisa dipraktikkan tanpa terlalu banyak ngasih teori. Makanya jangan heran kalau bukunya nggak sampai 200 halaman. Cocok buat yang belum terbiasa membaca buku tebal tapi penasaran apa sih yang ditulis oleh duo Gottman ini.
Pada salindia kedua hingga selesai aku memberikan contoh kasus yang terjadi pada hubungan kami. Lucunya adalah, ketika aku memberi tahu @hasyemiraws tentang buku ini ternyata dia sudah tahu duluan karena pernah mendengar podcast The Gottman Institute! 🥹 Bahkan dia juga mulai mempraktikkan apa yang disarankan oleh Gottman (terutama soal apresiasi dan mengucapkan terima kasih).
Saat membaca buku ini, aku sembari membayangkan: apakah aku sudah mencoba ketujuh resep ini dengan baik? Apakah ada yang aku lewatkan?
February 1, 2023
Pretty cool book about research made on ow to fix or make your couple last. So many external factor can hurt a couple, tear them apart, make them go their separate ways. This book is many for everyone, whether you are happily married or not, to learn to value your partner and make them feel like they matter and that they are loved. Even though I am in a very happy, satisfying relationship, I learned a few tips that I decided to apply to our everyday life.
April 14, 2024
4.75🌟 small things often! This has been so bloody good to read and talk to Paul about. Common language makes everything in relationships easier to explain and this book (coupled with the Brene Brown podcast episodes with the Gottman’s on this book) is absolutely worth it. Highly recommend.
February 15, 2024
No matter who you are, no matter how confident you are in your relationship, no matter how confident your partner is in your relationship—you should read this book.
You don’t have to be struggling with love to improve your romantic life. Everyone can and should be striving to do more for their partner(s) and this book emphasizes that to the nth degree. And the best part is, this text provides you with guidance based on scientific data gathered by the authors John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman rather than relying on personal anecdotes or gut feelings. It argues its points based on real-world data collected first hand.
Everyone has heard that communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship, but this book delves into the minutiae of why this is the case and how you can ensure that you are actively putting effort towards ensuring that your partner feels heard, appreciated, and loved.
Clocking in at a slim 208 pages, you’re doing yourself a great disservice if you skip on this read.
9/10
You don’t have to be struggling with love to improve your romantic life. Everyone can and should be striving to do more for their partner(s) and this book emphasizes that to the nth degree. And the best part is, this text provides you with guidance based on scientific data gathered by the authors John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman rather than relying on personal anecdotes or gut feelings. It argues its points based on real-world data collected first hand.
Everyone has heard that communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship, but this book delves into the minutiae of why this is the case and how you can ensure that you are actively putting effort towards ensuring that your partner feels heard, appreciated, and loved.
Clocking in at a slim 208 pages, you’re doing yourself a great disservice if you skip on this read.
9/10
March 9, 2024
Nothing new as such and overall nice! I like the concept of Bids.
July 8, 2024
Great, practical advice typical of a Gottman book. I think it got me thinking about some things I hadn't thought of and reminded me of things I had. The Gottmans provide 7 things to do, one for each day, that will improve your marriage.
DAY 1: MAKE CONTACT- All about answering a bid for connection. If you are familiar with the Gottman's work, they talk about this all the time. One of their biggest predictors for a successful relationship is when couples answer bids for connection, both big and small, physical or verbal. Turn towards each other.
DAY 2: ASK A BIG QUESTION- Try to have a deep understanding of your partner’s inner world. This includes their hopes, dreams, beliefs, fears, and desires. Asking open-ended questions is crucial, as they require thoughtful and expansive responses rather than simple yes or no answers.
DAY 3: SAY THANK YOU- To have a solid and happy relationship, you must appreciate and acknowledge the good things your partner does just as much as you notice their mistakes. We often tend to focus on what our partner is not doing, which can create a negative perspective. This makes us believe that we’re the only ones making an effort. But if we constantly look for the negative, that’s all we’ll see. We must develop a new habit of seeking the positive to change this. If your relationship lacks appreciation, start by shifting your mindset and actively looking for what your partner does right instead of what they’re doing wrong.
DAY 4: GIVE A REAL COMPLIMENT- You need to admire your partner actively and, according to the book, a ratio of five to one; for every negative interaction in a conflict, you need five positive ones. When there is no conflict, a ratio of twenty to one, twenty positives to a single negative interaction, be kind when speaking to each other, treating each other kindly without criticism, contempt, or sarcasm.
DAY 5: ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED- Refrain from assuming your partner knows how you feel or what you need. You must communicate your feelings, needs, and requests for your relationship to thrive. Ditch the pride and the wish that they'd just guess... tell them what you need.
DAY 6: REACH OUT AND TOUCH- Research shows that couples who cuddle have more satisfying long-term relationships. And couples could do more with more physical touch.
DAY 7: DECLARE A DATE NIGHT- fairly self- explanatory.
DAY 1: MAKE CONTACT- All about answering a bid for connection. If you are familiar with the Gottman's work, they talk about this all the time. One of their biggest predictors for a successful relationship is when couples answer bids for connection, both big and small, physical or verbal. Turn towards each other.
DAY 2: ASK A BIG QUESTION- Try to have a deep understanding of your partner’s inner world. This includes their hopes, dreams, beliefs, fears, and desires. Asking open-ended questions is crucial, as they require thoughtful and expansive responses rather than simple yes or no answers.
DAY 3: SAY THANK YOU- To have a solid and happy relationship, you must appreciate and acknowledge the good things your partner does just as much as you notice their mistakes. We often tend to focus on what our partner is not doing, which can create a negative perspective. This makes us believe that we’re the only ones making an effort. But if we constantly look for the negative, that’s all we’ll see. We must develop a new habit of seeking the positive to change this. If your relationship lacks appreciation, start by shifting your mindset and actively looking for what your partner does right instead of what they’re doing wrong.
DAY 4: GIVE A REAL COMPLIMENT- You need to admire your partner actively and, according to the book, a ratio of five to one; for every negative interaction in a conflict, you need five positive ones. When there is no conflict, a ratio of twenty to one, twenty positives to a single negative interaction, be kind when speaking to each other, treating each other kindly without criticism, contempt, or sarcasm.
DAY 5: ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED- Refrain from assuming your partner knows how you feel or what you need. You must communicate your feelings, needs, and requests for your relationship to thrive. Ditch the pride and the wish that they'd just guess... tell them what you need.
DAY 6: REACH OUT AND TOUCH- Research shows that couples who cuddle have more satisfying long-term relationships. And couples could do more with more physical touch.
DAY 7: DECLARE A DATE NIGHT- fairly self- explanatory.
May 1, 2023
So… back when we did premarital work required by the Catholic Church our mentor couple told us we should schedule annual marital counseling the same way we’d schedule annual physicals. We were great about that until the pandemic hit and it’s been a few years/childcare is a lot harder to find for appointments now that we have 3 so we decided to try this out this year as a “for now” substitute to that annual check up. It was great. Such simple, easily actionable steps… things we need to revisit and make more solid habits but this is concise and helpful. Planning to read 8 dates as a follow up but a lot more planning seems to be needed for that one!
September 22, 2024
This book had so many good reminders of how to maintain connection and intimacy with your partner. Some takeaways
1. Make contact for at least 10 minutes
When your partner makes a bid for connection- reply or explain why you can’t at the moment. Ask what do you need from me today?
2. Ask a big open ended question
3. Compliment- many characteristics that I find wonderful about Kurt the main ones being he is thoughtful, wise and kind
4. State your needs
5. Have a date
Really great one to listen to at 1.5 when you’re feeling a little disconnected from your partner, gives you specific things to do which are scientifically based!
1. Make contact for at least 10 minutes
When your partner makes a bid for connection- reply or explain why you can’t at the moment. Ask what do you need from me today?
2. Ask a big open ended question
3. Compliment- many characteristics that I find wonderful about Kurt the main ones being he is thoughtful, wise and kind
4. State your needs
5. Have a date
Really great one to listen to at 1.5 when you’re feeling a little disconnected from your partner, gives you specific things to do which are scientifically based!
June 2, 2025
Great little book with simple exercises to remind you what matters in a relationship and how you can grow it into a healthier one. I've been implementing all of them and even though my husband snares at them sometimes he does it too and it's super fun. highly recommend it, for your knowledge or to keep those sparks flying and improve your relationship with small actionable habits
July 13, 2023
Great, straightforward book. My partner and I have gotten a lot from implementing the interventions in relationship. I highly recommend this book as a must-read for couples, but I’d be weary about stronger discernment with some of these practices for codependent/enmeshed relationships. This is more about building bridges for connection.
November 27, 2022
4.5 | "Love is the little things done often."
This is an accessible, practical and incredibly valuable book that could benefit any couple, no matter how long they have been together or how strong their relationship is.
Looking forward to working through this with Ryan the next round through.
Audiobook: 4h 27m
This is an accessible, practical and incredibly valuable book that could benefit any couple, no matter how long they have been together or how strong their relationship is.
Looking forward to working through this with Ryan the next round through.
Audiobook: 4h 27m
July 29, 2025
Selesaaii! Menurutku buku ini perlu dibaca berulang kali dan dipraktikkan langsung sih.
Small things often.
Small things often.
August 18, 2025
Quick easy read with multiple ways to apply it to your life. I'm probably going with a 4.5 because I am not in a relationship so it felt a bit hard to apply but good information as a social worker.
April 28, 2024
Pleasant read, you fly through the smoothly written pages full of interesting facts. And the practical, ’to the point’ advice will help any type of couple - no matter the state of the relationship.
December 15, 2024
Short and sweet. Love the Gottman’s work. It was hard to make myself stop after each day’s section.
October 26, 2024
All the research the Gottman’s do is fascinating and their conclusions are apparently pillars to lasting and loving relationships. Honestly if you just met someone vs married for 50 years, I still think this book would be helpful, 5/5 good read!
May 27, 2025
Here are some of my takeaways. Love is little things done often. Staying curious about each other as we’re always changing. Making love deposits. Paying attention to what your partner does. Thanking them. Stay focused on what you love and appreciate. Cherishing is a powerful protectant. Ask for what you need and want. Continue to court each other. Prioritize date nights, fun, adventure and touch.
November 5, 2022
Notable quotes:
"Small things often."
"Introduce one new relationship building habit into your day, every day for one week. Seven days, seven new habits."
"It doesn't actually rain in Seattle as much as people think it does. Don't tell anyone, it's Seattle's little secret."
"What turning towards really does is put money in a couples emotional bank account."
"Knowledge is power."
"Ten minute check in. Is there anything you need from me today."
"I've got your back and you've got mine."
"Extra credit, pick up the pennies."
"Ask a big question."
"They have never stopped being curious about each other."
"Anyone can surprise you if you give them the opportunity to do so."
"The four horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt."
"Love is worth it."
"Small things often."
"Introduce one new relationship building habit into your day, every day for one week. Seven days, seven new habits."
"It doesn't actually rain in Seattle as much as people think it does. Don't tell anyone, it's Seattle's little secret."
"What turning towards really does is put money in a couples emotional bank account."
"Knowledge is power."
"Ten minute check in. Is there anything you need from me today."
"I've got your back and you've got mine."
"Extra credit, pick up the pennies."
"Ask a big question."
"They have never stopped being curious about each other."
"Anyone can surprise you if you give them the opportunity to do so."
"The four horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt."
"Love is worth it."
October 27, 2022
The book is divided into seven things you can do in one week to help strengthen your relationship/marriage. They are 1. Make Contact, 2. Ask A Big Question, 3. Say Thank You, 4. Give a Real Compliment, 5. Ask for What you Need, 6. Reach out and Touch, and 7. Declare a Date Night.
I was particularly impressed with the sixth topic - Reach out and Touch. The Gottman's do an excellent job of normalizing that not everyone has the same needs in a relationship and that "normal" or "average" metrics about relationships are over simplified. They contextualize the information in the section understanding that touch doesn't have to be sexual and it's important to communicate with your partner what you need and what works well for you.
I was particularly impressed with the sixth topic - Reach out and Touch. The Gottman's do an excellent job of normalizing that not everyone has the same needs in a relationship and that "normal" or "average" metrics about relationships are over simplified. They contextualize the information in the section understanding that touch doesn't have to be sexual and it's important to communicate with your partner what you need and what works well for you.
January 4, 2023
Quick read with good tips/reminders for a healthy relationship, demonstrated via case studies.
My takeaways:
- Love is about the little things done often, "small things often" determines a relationship
- Stay curious about each other => Focus on appreciating and expressing.
- Ask “Is there anything you need from me today?”
- Say Thank You and say why this thing is important to you
- Pay attention and notice what your partner does.
- Focus on what you love and appreciate in your partner.
- Ask directly for what you need. No hinting or assumptions.
- Avoid direct criticism.
- Avoid “always” and “never”.
- Ask “Are you available?” if you need your partner's full attention.
- Reach out and Touch => touch doesn't have to be sexual and it's important to communicate with your partner what you need and what works well for you.
- Declare a Date Night
Easier say than done, but will try to follow all those tips :-)
It may be a bit too wide/generalist sometimes, but oh well it's a short and practical book so it cannot cover everything.
My takeaways:
- Love is about the little things done often, "small things often" determines a relationship
- Stay curious about each other => Focus on appreciating and expressing.
- Ask “Is there anything you need from me today?”
- Say Thank You and say why this thing is important to you
- Pay attention and notice what your partner does.
- Focus on what you love and appreciate in your partner.
- Ask directly for what you need. No hinting or assumptions.
- Avoid direct criticism.
- Avoid “always” and “never”.
- Ask “Are you available?” if you need your partner's full attention.
- Reach out and Touch => touch doesn't have to be sexual and it's important to communicate with your partner what you need and what works well for you.
- Declare a Date Night
Easier say than done, but will try to follow all those tips :-)
It may be a bit too wide/generalist sometimes, but oh well it's a short and practical book so it cannot cover everything.
October 9, 2022
Very solid, practical, and useful advice for how to effectively use small gestures and techniques to grow and sustain relationships! Through their extensive research, the Drs Gottman have concluded that, in most successful relationships, it really is the "little things" that count. They've broken down the 7 most necessary and effective things into a weeklong plan to help couples connect or reconnect.
Case studies illustrate the various concepts in action, and the end of each chapter includes an organized action plan for how to implement the "prescription" and reap the benefits. The tone is conversational and the language is clear and not at all intimidating or bogged down in jargon. Every couple--new or long-married, old or young, happy or on the rocks--can benefit from reading this guide and adding these tiny but oh-so-necessary elements to their relationship.
Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review!
Case studies illustrate the various concepts in action, and the end of each chapter includes an organized action plan for how to implement the "prescription" and reap the benefits. The tone is conversational and the language is clear and not at all intimidating or bogged down in jargon. Every couple--new or long-married, old or young, happy or on the rocks--can benefit from reading this guide and adding these tiny but oh-so-necessary elements to their relationship.
Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review!
September 30, 2023
Dit boek wist me door de inhoud van het boek en de prachtige cover direct mijn aandacht te trekken. De knalrode cover met de lijn illustraties van lippen, hartjes en rozen, is op een uitnodigende en leuke manier gedaan, maar wel dat het nog een serieuze en sterke uitstraling behoudt. De typografie is prachtig in het beeld verwerkt. De titel springt ook echt naar voren. Het is het eerste boek dat ik van John Gottman en Jullie Schwartz Gottman ga lezen, dus ik ben enorm benieuwd naar hun inzichten, kennis en hoe ik in zeven dagen mijn liefde kan versterken.
Verbeter in zeven dagen je relatie: Hoe zorg je ervoor dat echte liefde blijft bestaan? Hoe kan het dat het ene stel voor altijd bij elkaar blijft en de ander uit elkaar gaat? Bestaat er een wetenschappelijke formule voor liefde? Dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman doen al ruim vijftig jaar lang onderzoek naar de liefde. In dit boek delen ze hun belangrijkste inzichten en bieden ze je een zevendaags stappenplan voor meer intimiteit waardoor de relatie en liefde standhoudt. Wie je ook bent, waar je ook staat in de relatie; met dit boek krijg je het inzicht hoe je met kleine veranderingen je relatie fundamenteel en blijvend kan verbeteren.
Het boek heeft een heldere inleiding met mooie en krachtige praktijkvoorbeelden die mijn nieuwsgierigheid direct weten te wekken, met name hun Love Lab die dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman oprichten om deelnemers te observeren en meer inzicht te krijgen in de liefde. Ik sta te popelen om alles te lezen over hun onderzoeksresultaten en inzichten die ze hiermee opdoen.
Dan volgt het zeven dagen programma. Wat ik enorm fijn vind is dat het hoofdstuk bestaat uit een combinatie van praktijkvoorbeelden, heldere en concrete onderzoeksresultaten. Hun conclusie en punten duidelijk opgesomd waarin de kernpunten gehighlight worden, extra toevoegingen met tips en vervolgens sluit de dag af met een oefening die duidelijk en stap voor stap wordt uitgelegd. Ze geven daarbij bijvoorbeeld vragen en punten waarop je je hierin extra kan focussen. Dit laatste deel is op een andere wijze vormgegeven waardoor het een duidelijk onderscheid heeft gemaakt van het verhaal van dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman.
Wat ik echt een pluspunt vind van dit boek, is dat dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman op hele concrete, heldere en toegankelijke wijze hun inzichten en kennis weten te delen. Het is erg prettig geschreven en in hun verhaal weten ze ook dingen zo te beschrijven of vragen te stellen, die je echt aan het denken zetten en tot de kern komen. Wat me enigszins verraste, maar eigenlijk ook niet meer dan logisch is, liefde, communicatie en connectie zitten werkelijk in de kleine en eenvoudige dingen. Als je deze basis hebt, sta je sterk.
Liefde is een helder, mooi en goed boek. Met hun toegankelijke, concrete en duidelijke uitleg van hun onderzoeksresultaten, praktijkvoorbeelden, inzichten en oefeningen laten dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman zien hoe je aan de hand van kleine veranderingen en stappen een enorm sterke basis en connectie met je liefdespartner kan maken. Een bijzonder, goed en mooi boek.
Verbeter in zeven dagen je relatie: Hoe zorg je ervoor dat echte liefde blijft bestaan? Hoe kan het dat het ene stel voor altijd bij elkaar blijft en de ander uit elkaar gaat? Bestaat er een wetenschappelijke formule voor liefde? Dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman doen al ruim vijftig jaar lang onderzoek naar de liefde. In dit boek delen ze hun belangrijkste inzichten en bieden ze je een zevendaags stappenplan voor meer intimiteit waardoor de relatie en liefde standhoudt. Wie je ook bent, waar je ook staat in de relatie; met dit boek krijg je het inzicht hoe je met kleine veranderingen je relatie fundamenteel en blijvend kan verbeteren.
Het boek heeft een heldere inleiding met mooie en krachtige praktijkvoorbeelden die mijn nieuwsgierigheid direct weten te wekken, met name hun Love Lab die dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman oprichten om deelnemers te observeren en meer inzicht te krijgen in de liefde. Ik sta te popelen om alles te lezen over hun onderzoeksresultaten en inzichten die ze hiermee opdoen.
Dan volgt het zeven dagen programma. Wat ik enorm fijn vind is dat het hoofdstuk bestaat uit een combinatie van praktijkvoorbeelden, heldere en concrete onderzoeksresultaten. Hun conclusie en punten duidelijk opgesomd waarin de kernpunten gehighlight worden, extra toevoegingen met tips en vervolgens sluit de dag af met een oefening die duidelijk en stap voor stap wordt uitgelegd. Ze geven daarbij bijvoorbeeld vragen en punten waarop je je hierin extra kan focussen. Dit laatste deel is op een andere wijze vormgegeven waardoor het een duidelijk onderscheid heeft gemaakt van het verhaal van dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman.
Wat ik echt een pluspunt vind van dit boek, is dat dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman op hele concrete, heldere en toegankelijke wijze hun inzichten en kennis weten te delen. Het is erg prettig geschreven en in hun verhaal weten ze ook dingen zo te beschrijven of vragen te stellen, die je echt aan het denken zetten en tot de kern komen. Wat me enigszins verraste, maar eigenlijk ook niet meer dan logisch is, liefde, communicatie en connectie zitten werkelijk in de kleine en eenvoudige dingen. Als je deze basis hebt, sta je sterk.
Liefde is een helder, mooi en goed boek. Met hun toegankelijke, concrete en duidelijke uitleg van hun onderzoeksresultaten, praktijkvoorbeelden, inzichten en oefeningen laten dr. John Gottman en dr. Julie Gottman zien hoe je aan de hand van kleine veranderingen en stappen een enorm sterke basis en connectie met je liefdespartner kan maken. Een bijzonder, goed en mooi boek.
May 30, 2023
I love everything I’ve read by John Gottman - and bonus with this one - also Julie Gottman. I was curious if this was just another rehashing of his spectacular book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work or if there would be anything new. There is a lot of overlap, naturally, but what this does is simplify it and give small bits to bite off and chew, a strategy to focus fully on for just one day. It’s all just so good. I had checked it out from the library and was marking it so much with tabs, that I decided I just need my own copy. There are so many small incremental changes that we can make that can make huge differences in our relationships. I know this is talking about marital relationships/romantic, relationships specifically, but there are pieces of this that apply in friendships and parenthood as well. I like the idea of regular investment, where you ask questions to find out what is different about your partner, and see how they have changed and grown. I love the idea that lots of tiny deposits can help in hard times. I found the idea of loving someone and knowing them, includes the things that they carry around inside very thought-provoking. I was surprised by it and also liked that in the beginning of the book he talked about how instead of focusing on conflict, it’s important to bring fun back into a relationship that might be strained. To do things that bring you back to the time where you fell in love in the first place. I don’t think you have to have any sort of marital troubles or relationship troubles to find value in this book. It’s all just very solid advice. Another thing I enjoyed in it was the idea of spending a day writing down all the things that the other person is doing right. It’s so easy to see what someone else is doing wrong and what we are doing right but not always vice versa. It’s a good eye-opener to see that both people are a valuable part of the relationship. Anyway, I really liked it. I am glad I have my own copy. I think it is different enough from his best seller of all his best sellers to have too.
March 6, 2023
Wow! Everyone in a relationship should read this book - seriously. It’s easy to read and backed by some really amazing research, spanning decades. Simple stuff that really does work and is SO important to any thriving healthy relationship.
This little gem of a book is a manual to finding and maintaining connection and intimacy (not even sexually - emotional intimacy is so important). It was really interesting (and helpful!) to read about the science of what makes a long term relationship work. Some of these points are habits I already have in my relationship, but there are others I hadn’t thought about! I really enjoyed the anecdotes throughout the book. They helped keep things interesting and sweet!
There are a lot of important premises made in this book, but I think two of my favorites are:
- small things (often), are the big things in relationships!
- create a foundation for your relationship of respect & admiration.
This little gem of a book is a manual to finding and maintaining connection and intimacy (not even sexually - emotional intimacy is so important). It was really interesting (and helpful!) to read about the science of what makes a long term relationship work. Some of these points are habits I already have in my relationship, but there are others I hadn’t thought about! I really enjoyed the anecdotes throughout the book. They helped keep things interesting and sweet!
There are a lot of important premises made in this book, but I think two of my favorites are:
- small things (often), are the big things in relationships!
- create a foundation for your relationship of respect & admiration.
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