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My First Thirty Years
Shortly after its 1925 publication, Gertrude Beasley's ferociously eloquent feminist memoir was banned and she herself disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Though British Nobel Prize winner Bertrand Russell called My First Thirty Years "truthful, which is illegal" and Larry McMurtry pronounced it the finest Texas book of its era, Beasley's words have been all but inaccessible for almost a century—until now.
Beasley penned one of the most brutally honest coming-of-age historical memoirs ever written, one which strips away romantic notions about frontier women's lives at the turn of the 20th century. Her mother and sisters braved male objectification and the indignities of poverty, with little if any control over their futures. With characteristic ferocity, Beasley rejected a life of dependence, persisting in her studies and becoming first a teacher, then a principal, then a college instructor, and finally a foreign correspondent.
Along the way, Beasley becomes a strident activist for women's rights, socialism, and sex education, which she sees as key to restoring bodily autonomy to women like those she grew up with. She is undaunted by authority figures but secretly ashamed of her origins and yearns to be loved. My First Thirty Years is profoundly human and shockingly candid, a rallying cry that cost its author her career and her freedom.
Her story deserves to be heard.
Beasley penned one of the most brutally honest coming-of-age historical memoirs ever written, one which strips away romantic notions about frontier women's lives at the turn of the 20th century. Her mother and sisters braved male objectification and the indignities of poverty, with little if any control over their futures. With characteristic ferocity, Beasley rejected a life of dependence, persisting in her studies and becoming first a teacher, then a principal, then a college instructor, and finally a foreign correspondent.
Along the way, Beasley becomes a strident activist for women's rights, socialism, and sex education, which she sees as key to restoring bodily autonomy to women like those she grew up with. She is undaunted by authority figures but secretly ashamed of her origins and yearns to be loved. My First Thirty Years is profoundly human and shockingly candid, a rallying cry that cost its author her career and her freedom.
Her story deserves to be heard.
242 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1925
111 people are currently reading
3385 people want to read
About the author
Gertrude Beasley
1 book26 followers“Gertrude Beasley belongs in the first rank of Texas writers,” Don Graham, a professor at the University of Texas who is the state’s leading literary historian, said in an interview. “She’s the forgotten woman of Texas literature.”
Edna Gertrude Beasley was born on June 20, 1892, near Cross Plains, Tex., but her father, a subsistence farmer, was restless and moved frequently, always hoping for better luck. Gertrude’s mother grew so wary of her alcoholic, abusive husband and the prospect of yet another baby that she pretended to take the children out to pick cotton one day and instead ran away with them to nearby Abilene, where she got a divorce — something unknown and therefore shameful in rural Texas.
Gertrude was the only Beasley to take an interest in school. She received a teaching degree from an Abilene college and a masters in education from the University of Chicago, where she embraced stridently leftist views on women’s rights. She was commissioned by National Geographic to write about Japan and then traveled to Soviet Russia, where she wrote for Birth Control Review, a journal that was edited by Margaret Sanger. While abroad, in 1925, she published her only surviving book, an angry, unapologetically explicit memoir entitled My First Thirty Years.
In August 1927, while she was living in London, a policeman turned her out of her lodgings for reasons that remain unclear. In protest, she broke her window with an umbrella and was promptly arrested, placed in the mental ward of a local hospital, and ultimately deported. From the ship en route to the United States, she wrote a rambling letter to the Secretary of State claiming that she was in danger and that the British authorities were plotting “to destroy me as a writer and a personality and have me put to death.” She said she was finishing a manuscript. It has never been found.
Within 10 days of the ship’s docking in New York, she was committed to Central Islip Psychiatric Center on Long Island. She never left, dying on July 25, 1955, of pancreatic cancer. She was 63.
“She was without funds, a woman with no husband, and abrasive,” Alice Specht, librarian at Hardin-Simmons College in Abilene, said. “It was easier just to put her away.”
Edna Gertrude Beasley was born on June 20, 1892, near Cross Plains, Tex., but her father, a subsistence farmer, was restless and moved frequently, always hoping for better luck. Gertrude’s mother grew so wary of her alcoholic, abusive husband and the prospect of yet another baby that she pretended to take the children out to pick cotton one day and instead ran away with them to nearby Abilene, where she got a divorce — something unknown and therefore shameful in rural Texas.
Gertrude was the only Beasley to take an interest in school. She received a teaching degree from an Abilene college and a masters in education from the University of Chicago, where she embraced stridently leftist views on women’s rights. She was commissioned by National Geographic to write about Japan and then traveled to Soviet Russia, where she wrote for Birth Control Review, a journal that was edited by Margaret Sanger. While abroad, in 1925, she published her only surviving book, an angry, unapologetically explicit memoir entitled My First Thirty Years.
In August 1927, while she was living in London, a policeman turned her out of her lodgings for reasons that remain unclear. In protest, she broke her window with an umbrella and was promptly arrested, placed in the mental ward of a local hospital, and ultimately deported. From the ship en route to the United States, she wrote a rambling letter to the Secretary of State claiming that she was in danger and that the British authorities were plotting “to destroy me as a writer and a personality and have me put to death.” She said she was finishing a manuscript. It has never been found.
Within 10 days of the ship’s docking in New York, she was committed to Central Islip Psychiatric Center on Long Island. She never left, dying on July 25, 1955, of pancreatic cancer. She was 63.
“She was without funds, a woman with no husband, and abrasive,” Alice Specht, librarian at Hardin-Simmons College in Abilene, said. “It was easier just to put her away.”
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 88 reviews
July 12, 2021
Gertrude's prose is fierce, unapologetic, and aggressively intelligent. She pulls no punches and will not go down quietly. She somehow retained her dignity and sense of self despite a childhood filled with soul-crushing poverty, sexual assault, and wild family dysfunctionality. She escaped that toxic small frontier town environment scarred, angry, and ready to eviscerate any who would presume to curb her ambitions. She took up the battle cry for women's independence, equal pay, birth control rights, suffrage, and generally any vehicle that she could use to stick it to the patriarchy. Through sheer grit and tenacity, she hauled herself up the social ladder, from cotton picking to college instructor, from the remote, dusty Texas panhandle to foreign correspondent gigs in Beijing, Moscow, London. All in her first 30 years. Damn girl. Baby you're a firework.
Society couldn't handle her aggression, her anger, or her bluntness. Within two years of her memoir's publication, she was silenced with a thoroughness previously reserved for heretics. Her words were confiscated, her body confined to a psychiatric ward, her autonomy and independence thoroughly erased. She died, alone and unremembered.
Gertrude Beasley is a tragedy.
Gertrude Beasley is awe-inspiring.
Gertrude Beasley is a testament to grit.
Don't let the bastards get you down.
I don't think she and I would be friends IRL -- she was a veteran of fights with demons that I, blessedly, have never had to face. It left her hard, a lone wolf, and self-righteous. But I don't have to like her in order to respect the hell out of her, or to believe that she - and her book - are powerfully important.
She deserves to be heard, finally, on her own terms.
That much -- that little -- was something I could give her.
So I did.
You're welcome, world.
Society couldn't handle her aggression, her anger, or her bluntness. Within two years of her memoir's publication, she was silenced with a thoroughness previously reserved for heretics. Her words were confiscated, her body confined to a psychiatric ward, her autonomy and independence thoroughly erased. She died, alone and unremembered.
Gertrude Beasley is a tragedy.
Gertrude Beasley is awe-inspiring.
Gertrude Beasley is a testament to grit.
Don't let the bastards get you down.
I don't think she and I would be friends IRL -- she was a veteran of fights with demons that I, blessedly, have never had to face. It left her hard, a lone wolf, and self-righteous. But I don't have to like her in order to respect the hell out of her, or to believe that she - and her book - are powerfully important.
She deserves to be heard, finally, on her own terms.
That much -- that little -- was something I could give her.
So I did.
You're welcome, world.
October 10, 2021
Getrude Beasley grew up in Texas under severe poverty, family dysfunction, Incest and Rape. It is an incredible story that she tells. She has a very blunt style and just comes out with the facts as she remembers them. At only 4 years old, her brothers were trying to sexually assault her. This continues throughout her childhood. That she still sees beauty in the world, describing Spring, with flowers and her mother capturing a hummingbird is quite extraordinary. The things she endured and the way both her parent’s behaved certainly did not forbade a positive outcome for her.
It appears that school saved Gertrude. She absolutely loved going and was fiercely intelligent. She was curious and opinionated as well. She just continues to do anything to keep learning and does extremely well. She graduates from college and becomes an educator. She speaks out about fairness and equality in pay for women. She is interested in socialism and feminism. Clearly, her thoughts are way ahead of their time.
The book is especially interesting because this was written in 1925, so you come to understand the influences of her culture around her at that point. She speaks the way someone from her background would, but does become very educated and learns about the world. She travels and meets different types of people and seems to enjoy her life.
So, her only crime and indecency was speaking the truth about how her life unfolded. Discussing awful incidents of incest certainly was not acceptable at this time period. So, Getrude was violated at a young age and then blamed again since she had the audacity to speak of these incidents.
Her book was published in 1925, but mostly banned everywhere. Much later, a very limited release of about 500 copies was released in the 1990’s, but it was not well circulated and was banned then, too. This is a story that should be told. It is in contrast to many stories that came out speaking of this time period in a romanticized way. She did not live a Norman Rockwell life.
I wish there was more information about Gertrude Beasley. She was exiled from London after being in a psychiatric facility. Then she was in The Central Islip Psychiatric Center, I believe this came to be known as Pilgram’s State Psychiatric Hospital. I lived very close to this facility and it is not a place one would want to spend their days. It was well known for awful abuses to it’s patients. Exactly why Gertrude was there from 35 yrs until her death at 63 yrs remains unclear. Other then some references that seemed to suggest she had anxiety, she seemed quite rational and sane. This is remarkable after her life experiences. I think her ‘Mental Illness’ was being outspoken, brave and true to herself. So, she was silenced.
Thank you NetGalley, Gertrude Beasley, and Sourcebooks for giving me a copy of this book. I found the material to be very interesting.
It appears that school saved Gertrude. She absolutely loved going and was fiercely intelligent. She was curious and opinionated as well. She just continues to do anything to keep learning and does extremely well. She graduates from college and becomes an educator. She speaks out about fairness and equality in pay for women. She is interested in socialism and feminism. Clearly, her thoughts are way ahead of their time.
The book is especially interesting because this was written in 1925, so you come to understand the influences of her culture around her at that point. She speaks the way someone from her background would, but does become very educated and learns about the world. She travels and meets different types of people and seems to enjoy her life.
So, her only crime and indecency was speaking the truth about how her life unfolded. Discussing awful incidents of incest certainly was not acceptable at this time period. So, Getrude was violated at a young age and then blamed again since she had the audacity to speak of these incidents.
Her book was published in 1925, but mostly banned everywhere. Much later, a very limited release of about 500 copies was released in the 1990’s, but it was not well circulated and was banned then, too. This is a story that should be told. It is in contrast to many stories that came out speaking of this time period in a romanticized way. She did not live a Norman Rockwell life.
I wish there was more information about Gertrude Beasley. She was exiled from London after being in a psychiatric facility. Then she was in The Central Islip Psychiatric Center, I believe this came to be known as Pilgram’s State Psychiatric Hospital. I lived very close to this facility and it is not a place one would want to spend their days. It was well known for awful abuses to it’s patients. Exactly why Gertrude was there from 35 yrs until her death at 63 yrs remains unclear. Other then some references that seemed to suggest she had anxiety, she seemed quite rational and sane. This is remarkable after her life experiences. I think her ‘Mental Illness’ was being outspoken, brave and true to herself. So, she was silenced.
Thank you NetGalley, Gertrude Beasley, and Sourcebooks for giving me a copy of this book. I found the material to be very interesting.
April 3, 2022
If you're unfamiliar with Beasley's story, just Google her. A story from the Texas Observer should come up.
The problem with memoirs is that you only get one POV about the events that occurred. Some of the family members come off pretty badly what with allegations of incest, rape, and bestiality. It would be interesting for a biography to be written so that a fuller picture of this woman and her life could be told.
Having said that, there are some really interesting parts to her story. The 12th child of a drunk father and long suffering mother (her description), Beasley rose above her circumstances finishing college and graduate school, striking terror into rambunctious schoolchildren in West Texas and slowly becoming a feminist. Unfortunately, her story--part of which appears to have been written in Russia--ends with her boarding a ship for Japan.
The controversial subject matter led to most copies of her book being confiscated and destroyed shortly after its publication. Upon her return to the United States, Beasley was whisked off to a mental hospital where she lingered until her death. Her family was never told and even today, the hospital refuses to release her records. I can only hope that in the future, a completer version of her remarkable life becomes available.
The problem with memoirs is that you only get one POV about the events that occurred. Some of the family members come off pretty badly what with allegations of incest, rape, and bestiality. It would be interesting for a biography to be written so that a fuller picture of this woman and her life could be told.
Having said that, there are some really interesting parts to her story. The 12th child of a drunk father and long suffering mother (her description), Beasley rose above her circumstances finishing college and graduate school, striking terror into rambunctious schoolchildren in West Texas and slowly becoming a feminist. Unfortunately, her story--part of which appears to have been written in Russia--ends with her boarding a ship for Japan.
The controversial subject matter led to most copies of her book being confiscated and destroyed shortly after its publication. Upon her return to the United States, Beasley was whisked off to a mental hospital where she lingered until her death. Her family was never told and even today, the hospital refuses to release her records. I can only hope that in the future, a completer version of her remarkable life becomes available.
November 11, 2021
This is the first banned book I have ever read.
It's heavy, extremely raw and at times very shocking. This isn't the kind of book you can pick up and fly through ... it's a lot. I'll be processing this read for awhile.
Thanks to Sourcebooks Landmark for my gifted copy!
It's heavy, extremely raw and at times very shocking. This isn't the kind of book you can pick up and fly through ... it's a lot. I'll be processing this read for awhile.
Thanks to Sourcebooks Landmark for my gifted copy!
August 29, 2022
Outrageously impressive and brave. What a woman.
December 1, 2021
Banned Books Week
"This is the searing opening to Edna "Gertrude" Beasley's raw and scathing memoir, originally published in Paris in 1925 but ultimately suppressed and lost to history as a banned book—until now. Only five-hundred copies were printed, very few of which made it into readers' hands, having been confiscated by customs inspectors or removed from bookshelves by Texas law enforcement."
This book had a limited release in the 80's but still was a legend since most of the copies had been destroyed. Because it talked about birth control and female's sexual freedom. Think of where we would be if more women were able to have written their words cause she opened that door, but that door was slammed shut.
__
My First Thirty Years
Gertrude Beasley
Pub Date: 9/28/21
__
Gertrude Beasley was never heard from again after she was extradited from England to America. In the prologue after some digging through old records she was found to have been admitted into a mental asylum and had died at the age of 63 of pancreatic cancer. The lengths they go to to silence women and keep the narrative at a fantasy standard is horrific.
This book is a biography of the author's life being born into a large family in poverty in Texas. This book discusses sexual abuse, sexual feelings, birth control, politics in the school system, women's rights, fair pay, and so much more. There was nothing off limits as a topic, it was a vent of frustration being born into the least and trying to be a successful person but continually hitting these glass ceilings.
Though this was very empowering with womens rights and basically whistleblowing on the patriarchal and hypocritical system. This was only women's rights for white women at the time.
There was a thread of hope that she was making change that she couldn't be touched and she was a powerful voice. And that last line of the book it broke my heart. We all are just looking for someone, our someone. After all that shit she went through she was stuck in one of those horror asylums.
Thank you sourcebooks and netgalley for my e-ARC for my honest and voluntary review.
TW: Sexual assault, racially insensitive language, incest, beastiality
"This is the searing opening to Edna "Gertrude" Beasley's raw and scathing memoir, originally published in Paris in 1925 but ultimately suppressed and lost to history as a banned book—until now. Only five-hundred copies were printed, very few of which made it into readers' hands, having been confiscated by customs inspectors or removed from bookshelves by Texas law enforcement."
This book had a limited release in the 80's but still was a legend since most of the copies had been destroyed. Because it talked about birth control and female's sexual freedom. Think of where we would be if more women were able to have written their words cause she opened that door, but that door was slammed shut.
__
My First Thirty Years
Gertrude Beasley
Pub Date: 9/28/21
__
Gertrude Beasley was never heard from again after she was extradited from England to America. In the prologue after some digging through old records she was found to have been admitted into a mental asylum and had died at the age of 63 of pancreatic cancer. The lengths they go to to silence women and keep the narrative at a fantasy standard is horrific.
This book is a biography of the author's life being born into a large family in poverty in Texas. This book discusses sexual abuse, sexual feelings, birth control, politics in the school system, women's rights, fair pay, and so much more. There was nothing off limits as a topic, it was a vent of frustration being born into the least and trying to be a successful person but continually hitting these glass ceilings.
Though this was very empowering with womens rights and basically whistleblowing on the patriarchal and hypocritical system. This was only women's rights for white women at the time.
There was a thread of hope that she was making change that she couldn't be touched and she was a powerful voice. And that last line of the book it broke my heart. We all are just looking for someone, our someone. After all that shit she went through she was stuck in one of those horror asylums.
Thank you sourcebooks and netgalley for my e-ARC for my honest and voluntary review.
TW: Sexual assault, racially insensitive language, incest, beastiality
November 2, 2021
My First Thirty Years provides a fascinating and rare female perspective of everyday life for a poor family from the late 1800s through the early 1920s.
Historical pieces from this period typically come to us from upper class, white males. Gertrude gives us a gift with her long-lost memoir, inviting us back in time to experience her rough, raw, disturbing reality.
I have to admit, I didn’t like Gertrude. She tends toward narcissism and lacks empathy. Her viewpoint is myopic. She rarely writes about anything that doesn’t directly involve her at its center, so we don’t get much sense of national or world politics, or even societal events. But this narrow focus allows us to clearly see the gender, class, and economic imbalance she experiences. Perhaps more importantly, we see how society not only failed but ignored and abandoned families in crisis.
This is a difficult read. Gertrude doesn’t hold back on details of sexual abuse, real or imagined. It’s easy to see why this memoir created an uproar when published in 1925. We also see the shadow of mental illness and her blatant nonconformity that made it all too easy for the patriarchy to lock Gertrude away, keeping her silent for the remainder of her life.
*I received a free copy from Sourcebooks.*
Historical pieces from this period typically come to us from upper class, white males. Gertrude gives us a gift with her long-lost memoir, inviting us back in time to experience her rough, raw, disturbing reality.
I have to admit, I didn’t like Gertrude. She tends toward narcissism and lacks empathy. Her viewpoint is myopic. She rarely writes about anything that doesn’t directly involve her at its center, so we don’t get much sense of national or world politics, or even societal events. But this narrow focus allows us to clearly see the gender, class, and economic imbalance she experiences. Perhaps more importantly, we see how society not only failed but ignored and abandoned families in crisis.
This is a difficult read. Gertrude doesn’t hold back on details of sexual abuse, real or imagined. It’s easy to see why this memoir created an uproar when published in 1925. We also see the shadow of mental illness and her blatant nonconformity that made it all too easy for the patriarchy to lock Gertrude away, keeping her silent for the remainder of her life.
*I received a free copy from Sourcebooks.*
June 5, 2024
Screw meeting God when I die, Gertrude Beasley is someone I have got to meet.
September 25, 2021
My Review Of
MY FIRST THIRTY YEARS
By Author, Gertrude Beasley
Published & Gifted by Sourcebooks
On Sale: 9/28/21 - Purchase Link in my Bio
*****
This was a memoir that was banned after it was written in 1925, upon its release. It is now publishing after almost 100 years. It is in thanks to Nina and Marie Bennett who believed that what Beasley wrote about was very pertinent to the issues in today’s world. The book is a well developed portrait into the life of what it was to grow up in Gertrude Beasley’s times. She was born to be one of 12 children to an unhappy mother who was pregnant every two years. She was raped by her own brothers and not shown the love and caring she desperately yearned for. She does not hold back with her swear words, talk of sex, periods and so much more you just didn’t discuss freely in those days. She was sharp, quick witted and full of wonder, but to others it was better to be seen and not heard. Her family picked up and moved so often and things were just in a constant disarray. She broaches the realities of life with no holds barred with her honest recount of life and what is was growing up in a life where she wanted to badly fit in. This book drew me in and I was so blown away and I hope that she is smiling down seeing that her words finally gave her a voice.
MY FIRST THIRTY YEARS
By Author, Gertrude Beasley
Published & Gifted by Sourcebooks
On Sale: 9/28/21 - Purchase Link in my Bio
*****
This was a memoir that was banned after it was written in 1925, upon its release. It is now publishing after almost 100 years. It is in thanks to Nina and Marie Bennett who believed that what Beasley wrote about was very pertinent to the issues in today’s world. The book is a well developed portrait into the life of what it was to grow up in Gertrude Beasley’s times. She was born to be one of 12 children to an unhappy mother who was pregnant every two years. She was raped by her own brothers and not shown the love and caring she desperately yearned for. She does not hold back with her swear words, talk of sex, periods and so much more you just didn’t discuss freely in those days. She was sharp, quick witted and full of wonder, but to others it was better to be seen and not heard. Her family picked up and moved so often and things were just in a constant disarray. She broaches the realities of life with no holds barred with her honest recount of life and what is was growing up in a life where she wanted to badly fit in. This book drew me in and I was so blown away and I hope that she is smiling down seeing that her words finally gave her a voice.
December 28, 2021
An original and worthwhile read. While it never romanticizes growing up poor in West Texas, it is also not without its charms. I always felt that I was reading a real story of a real person, told honestly. A lot has been made of the recounting of child sexual trauma here, and readers should know that it doesn't dominate the book. Most of the events involve Beasley's education and educating others, done with some support, but more or less through her own stubbornness (good thing) and willpower. Her relationship with her mother — who I'm not sure Beasley despises as much as she claims to — is also a major part of the book.
"It is perfectly clear to me that life is not worth living, but it is also equally clear that life is worth talking about," is on the opening page and she sure does talk about it. The book is being pitched as feminism, and it is, but it rarely takes up the topic directly. Beasley only really becomes directly involved with feminism, as well as socialism, near the end of the book. It's maybe better read as the story of a feminist, a snapshot of the attitudes and ideas of one person who is part of one generation. It is also also a snapshot of a time and place (West Texas, early 20th century) that doesn't get a lot of non-Cowboy depictions in literature.
What should also be mentioned is Beasley's low opinion of Black people, who she occasionally describes as lesser and beneath her. Readers may want to resist the impulse to say "it was the time and place," since there were feminists of the era who did support people of color. Unfortunately, Gertrude as an advocate for birth control apparently fell in with the Margaret Sanger crowd, which has a poor track record of support for racial minorities.
"It is perfectly clear to me that life is not worth living, but it is also equally clear that life is worth talking about," is on the opening page and she sure does talk about it. The book is being pitched as feminism, and it is, but it rarely takes up the topic directly. Beasley only really becomes directly involved with feminism, as well as socialism, near the end of the book. It's maybe better read as the story of a feminist, a snapshot of the attitudes and ideas of one person who is part of one generation. It is also also a snapshot of a time and place (West Texas, early 20th century) that doesn't get a lot of non-Cowboy depictions in literature.
What should also be mentioned is Beasley's low opinion of Black people, who she occasionally describes as lesser and beneath her. Readers may want to resist the impulse to say "it was the time and place," since there were feminists of the era who did support people of color. Unfortunately, Gertrude as an advocate for birth control apparently fell in with the Margaret Sanger crowd, which has a poor track record of support for racial minorities.
August 10, 2023
A very daring memoir that was banned in the 1920s, this book was recently brought back into print several years ago. The fact that it was yet another feminist voice that was silenced was a motivation to read Gertrude Beasley's story; having now read it, I am not quite sure what to think of it. She was quite explicit in describing the horrors of her childhood, which clearly affected her outlook on life. It has been stated that she was "a self-proclaimed socialist and a staunch feminist who fought for women's rights". I agree she was intrigued with the socialist movement, but less sure about her commitment to women's rights. She was definitely committed to her own success and her own image, which did not preclude her from undercutting other women along the way. The book cover states that the reasons for her eventual commitment to a mental institution were unclear, but it was obvious that her mental state was deteriorating as her life progressed, possibly to a total breakdown. This was, in every way, a very very sad story.
Read
April 19, 2023Gertrude Beasley, AM 1919, Author
Nina Bennett, AB’07, Foreword
Marie Bennett, CER’18, Editor
Read our piece "A writer, lost and found" at https://mag.uchicago.edu/beasley#
Nina Bennett, AB’07, Foreword
Marie Bennett, CER’18, Editor
Read our piece "A writer, lost and found" at https://mag.uchicago.edu/beasley#
May 1, 2022
what a story
I first saw this book recommended at the bookstore by one of the booksellers. It caught my curiosity and I started reading the amazon sample. I decided to buy it because Gertrude had something to say and she had been silenced too long. In a way, reading this book is equivalent to honoring her.
The language is crude and too honest for people that are rather sensitive. Keep in mind, this was a banned book for a reason. I found myself uncomfortable multiple times. At times I felt compassion for her, other times I understood her anger, other times I wished she would find fulfillment and healing.
I don’t know how unique her story was. It seemed to me her traumas were rather common in the Texas of her time, at least the poor Texas.
Her sexual traumas may be triggering for some, so be aware. It was sad to see her blaming herself for her resentment and to see her sexual life and relationships affected by her upbringing.
It was so empowering to see her raise against all odds and become what she envisioned. She was way ahead of her time. And despite that she did what she could to speak up until she was definitely silenced.
I first saw this book recommended at the bookstore by one of the booksellers. It caught my curiosity and I started reading the amazon sample. I decided to buy it because Gertrude had something to say and she had been silenced too long. In a way, reading this book is equivalent to honoring her.
The language is crude and too honest for people that are rather sensitive. Keep in mind, this was a banned book for a reason. I found myself uncomfortable multiple times. At times I felt compassion for her, other times I understood her anger, other times I wished she would find fulfillment and healing.
I don’t know how unique her story was. It seemed to me her traumas were rather common in the Texas of her time, at least the poor Texas.
Her sexual traumas may be triggering for some, so be aware. It was sad to see her blaming herself for her resentment and to see her sexual life and relationships affected by her upbringing.
It was so empowering to see her raise against all odds and become what she envisioned. She was way ahead of her time. And despite that she did what she could to speak up until she was definitely silenced.
January 9, 2022
Wow. By all means, Gertrude Beasley was a feminist with one hell of a narcissistic personality. What made this read exceptional was it was her writing a vulgar (at times) memoir about 30 years "before her time." Some of these horrendous acts were happening in every other farmhouse traveling down her county road... the difference was no one wrote about it. She was as ruthless in her thoughts, actions and opinions of her mother and siblings as they were to her. This book has been a thinker for me, though....almost 30 years in a mental institution and she dies forgotten and alone? There definitely is an untold story here.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 27, 2022
the description of this book is true; it is a brutally honest memoir that doesn't shy away from talking about explicit topics. however! this book also doesn't shy away from being racist! gertrude had some pretty racist beliefs for being a socialist 😬
its a memoir from the 1900s so i didn't go in expecting political correctness, but i also did not go in expecting the author to justify lynching. very strange read......
its a memoir from the 1900s so i didn't go in expecting political correctness, but i also did not go in expecting the author to justify lynching. very strange read......
Read
November 18, 2021Quite shocking!! Gertrude Beasley was a firecracker and wrote honestly and explicitly about her life, dreams, and experiences. Throughout her life she advocated for women's education, suffrage, and reproduction rights. It's a shame that the world lost her voice so early when she was locked in a mental institution until her death, all because she spoke too loudly.
March 12, 2022
Not your typical book format...but still an honest, worthwhile read featuring contemporary references.
The most striking thing to me was that so many unavailable and inappropriate men tried to get involved with her. Unbelievable!
The most striking thing to me was that so many unavailable and inappropriate men tried to get involved with her. Unbelievable!
July 7, 2025
I can see how this book could be controversial at the time it was written.
Read
April 22, 2022see my write-up for Texas Monthly https://www.texasmonthly.com/arts-ent...
March 6, 2024
Not for me:
Firstly, I absolutely hated this. It was crude, unsympathetic, and casually racist in ways that are deeply uncomfortable from a modern outlook.
That said, it matters. The author spent her final days institutionalized for daring to be honest and outspoken. Her book was banned, and her critics did their best to erase it (and her) from history. My own dislike of her work seems immaterial next to its survival and her right to share her story.
Firstly, I absolutely hated this. It was crude, unsympathetic, and casually racist in ways that are deeply uncomfortable from a modern outlook.
That said, it matters. The author spent her final days institutionalized for daring to be honest and outspoken. Her book was banned, and her critics did their best to erase it (and her) from history. My own dislike of her work seems immaterial next to its survival and her right to share her story.
April 11, 2025
There are a lot of thinks I can say about this book. I started reading it roughly 5 years ago and just wasn’t ready for it. Revisiting it now, especially knowing how the last ~20 years of her life were spent, I find her story incredibly important. Her insights are still relatable to women today, even if it was distributed in 1925. Her complicated relationships with her mother and family continue to complicate themselves as she develops her education and consequently her world view, and I would be lying if I said this didn’t resonate with me. It was a heavy read for me but I would read again.
Just a note, with the time period also comes some blatant racism which was hard to read. I think understanding the context in which this was written in is important to appreciating her story.
Just a note, with the time period also comes some blatant racism which was hard to read. I think understanding the context in which this was written in is important to appreciating her story.
March 6, 2022
I read this because it was a banned book and Larry McMurtry said it was one of the finest books of its era and one of the best books written about Texas. I expected the subject matter to be rough. You can easily see why it was banned. Beasley leaves nothing out writing about her childhood in west Texas. It is filled with sexual violence and she blatantly lays out the hypocrisy and petty mindedness of Abilene Texas, particularly the church. I found it interesting that this was written when Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote her books. This is undoubtedly a more authentic portrayal of what life in the rural West was like. I gave it 2 stars because the writing made it a hard slog for me. It’s redundant. Glad I read it but not an easy read, at least not for me.
July 14, 2024
Took me a while to finish only because it’s not one of my usual genres. A really great read that includes feminism, sexual awakening, and forgiveness. I did feel a lot of emotions once I finished, knowing that Gertrude Beasley was locked away after releasing her story. A lot of topics are repetitive, but you also have to remember that you’re following her throughout her life and you get to see her journey away from the close minded rural environment she was raised in. Society and the system truly failed Gertrude Beasley and I believe this is a must read, especially if you are into memoirs and autobiographies
July 16, 2021
Reading the introduction to this book laid the ground work for the memoir. It also revealed the truth of what happened to the author after she had seemingly vanished. Modern technology helped solve her disappearance. I understood why the memoir was pulled from circulation back in the 1920s. It's bold, unapologetic, and frank words were too much for the decade to handle. Beasley grew up in a tumultuous household and I think that scarred her for life. It was an interesting read. Thanks to the publisher and Edelweiss for advance read.
May 5, 2012
Fascinating look at life in rural Texas/America in the 1910s. Gertrude does not hold back, and that is both a plus and a minus. Her stream-of-consciousness style is sometimes difficult to follow; I'm still not sure of the names of her many siblings.
If nothing else, this book is a wonderful reminder that "modern" society didn't invent any of the things that ail us.
If nothing else, this book is a wonderful reminder that "modern" society didn't invent any of the things that ail us.
January 26, 2022
I don't remember where I first heard of this book, but I thought it was worth reading the memoir of a woman who it seems ended up being institutionalized for her "radical" ideas about reproductive autonomy and frankness about her abused childhood in late 1800s/early 1900s rural plains Texas.
In short, I believed there was going to be more balance in the timespan covered of her life from childhood to 30 years old and would end in Europe. In reality, the book spends most of the book in Abilene and the surrounding areas and a lot of skipping and skimming starting when she was about 23? and older in Chicago and Seattle and ends with her heading out to Japan. Because of that I kept waiting for moving on from Texas and was disappointed when it happened so late in the book.
The memoir does cover a lot of the struggles of poverty in that time and place as a woman, but is hugely repetitive in her bitterness? hatred? of her mother, father, and the fact of being 1 of 13 (unwanted) children. No wonder she became a huge advocate for contraception and planned parenthood and, for her personally, avoiding marriage. If I remember correctly she was number 10 or 11 of the 13 and her father was from an abusive family who raised abusive boys who attacked or attempted to attack sexually their sisters. Allegedly at least a couple of them did attack farm animals... She struggled and pushed hard to use education to get out of there, but a lot of her thoughts about her intellectual superiority to almost everyone she met was overbearing and also repetitive. At least once she moved out of Texas, there was a lot less of the constant railing about her mother and siblings.
I just wish there'd been a lot more about her discovering and living among people in Europe who were much different in social views from which she was raised and discussing what lead her to write and publish this memoir. She was a woman ahead of her time which unfortunately only lead to being categorized mentally unwell and getting institutionalized for the rest of her life. A tragic life many women lived and many continue to live.
Some bullet points of specific things in the book, mostly for me, but which you can skip behind this tag for .
In short, I believed there was going to be more balance in the timespan covered of her life from childhood to 30 years old and would end in Europe. In reality, the book spends most of the book in Abilene and the surrounding areas and a lot of skipping and skimming starting when she was about 23? and older in Chicago and Seattle and ends with her heading out to Japan. Because of that I kept waiting for moving on from Texas and was disappointed when it happened so late in the book.
The memoir does cover a lot of the struggles of poverty in that time and place as a woman, but is hugely repetitive in her bitterness? hatred? of her mother, father, and the fact of being 1 of 13 (unwanted) children. No wonder she became a huge advocate for contraception and planned parenthood and, for her personally, avoiding marriage. If I remember correctly she was number 10 or 11 of the 13 and her father was from an abusive family who raised abusive boys who attacked or attempted to attack sexually their sisters. Allegedly at least a couple of them did attack farm animals... She struggled and pushed hard to use education to get out of there, but a lot of her thoughts about her intellectual superiority to almost everyone she met was overbearing and also repetitive. At least once she moved out of Texas, there was a lot less of the constant railing about her mother and siblings.
I just wish there'd been a lot more about her discovering and living among people in Europe who were much different in social views from which she was raised and discussing what lead her to write and publish this memoir. She was a woman ahead of her time which unfortunately only lead to being categorized mentally unwell and getting institutionalized for the rest of her life. A tragic life many women lived and many continue to live.
Some bullet points of specific things in the book, mostly for me, but which you can skip behind this tag for .
December 18, 2021
Growing up in west Texas, not too far from where much of this memoir takes place, I was immediately interested when I first learned of this book. Beasley's candid description of a young girl's, turned young woman's, plight in early 1900s Texas is both shocking and believable.
I was reading this book while the Governor of Texas, along with several other political leaders, was calling for hundreds of books to be removed from public school libraries. "Cancel Culture" was also a prominent topic in the news during the weeks I read this book.
For those that don't know, Gertrude Beasley's memoir was banned in the United States, and a few years later she was committed to a psychiatric ward in New York (a common practice used to silence unruly women in those days). She was never heard from again.
So much has changed since 1925, when this memoir was first published. And yet, so much has not.
Beasley says in the book, "...nearly all women who worked with their brains shared my difficulties." I think the difficulties she is speaking about are the ones that come with being a strong woman who desires gender equality in a society that is not ready to offer that equality and, therefore, continually challenges the status quo.
One of my favorite quotes of Beasley's was a vow she makes to herself: "Watch me! from now on I'm going to tell people what is what. A wishy-washy life isn't worth a damn!"
Her memoir ends with a tease that she knows much more life is up ahead. She had overcome tremendous challenges, but she could see freedom on the horizon. It is a horrible shame that she was silenced and her story lost after it was banned for nearly a century.
I was reading this book while the Governor of Texas, along with several other political leaders, was calling for hundreds of books to be removed from public school libraries. "Cancel Culture" was also a prominent topic in the news during the weeks I read this book.
For those that don't know, Gertrude Beasley's memoir was banned in the United States, and a few years later she was committed to a psychiatric ward in New York (a common practice used to silence unruly women in those days). She was never heard from again.
So much has changed since 1925, when this memoir was first published. And yet, so much has not.
Beasley says in the book, "...nearly all women who worked with their brains shared my difficulties." I think the difficulties she is speaking about are the ones that come with being a strong woman who desires gender equality in a society that is not ready to offer that equality and, therefore, continually challenges the status quo.
One of my favorite quotes of Beasley's was a vow she makes to herself: "Watch me! from now on I'm going to tell people what is what. A wishy-washy life isn't worth a damn!"
Her memoir ends with a tease that she knows much more life is up ahead. She had overcome tremendous challenges, but she could see freedom on the horizon. It is a horrible shame that she was silenced and her story lost after it was banned for nearly a century.
January 18, 2023
Bertrand Russell said this book was "truthful, which is illegal." This is one of those books from the past that makes you wonder if things are getting better or worse.
Book banning -
Beasley described the backward and primitive Texas of her youth and sexual events she experienced and witnessed. Her 1925 book was pulled off the shelves in Texas because they didn't like what they saw in the mirror she held up. The legislature in Texas investigated the acquisition of the book by the University of Texas. Beasley escaped the South and Texas and got a Masters degree at the University of Chicago. She later became a journalist and writer and travelled the world, including the Far East. Almost a century later, Texas has banned more books than any other state. Beasley's book only became widely available in 2021 and perhaps it has been banned in Texas again already.
Teaching -
Teaching was a miserable and under-appreciated profession when Beasley was a teacher and still is. She had to carry a gun to school and had to protect herself from the students she disciplined and their parents. Now we have mass shootings of students and teachers.
"Hysterical" Women -
Beasley was committed to an asylum in New York in 1927 on returning to the US from persecution in London after the publication in Paris of her autobiography. She never escaped and died there in 1955. Who knows how many female writers have been judged by men to be insane and locked up. Janet Frame avoided a lobotomy by a few days after her first publication was awarded a national prize. Women are still over-diagnosed for psychiatric issues.
Book banning -
Beasley described the backward and primitive Texas of her youth and sexual events she experienced and witnessed. Her 1925 book was pulled off the shelves in Texas because they didn't like what they saw in the mirror she held up. The legislature in Texas investigated the acquisition of the book by the University of Texas. Beasley escaped the South and Texas and got a Masters degree at the University of Chicago. She later became a journalist and writer and travelled the world, including the Far East. Almost a century later, Texas has banned more books than any other state. Beasley's book only became widely available in 2021 and perhaps it has been banned in Texas again already.
Teaching -
Teaching was a miserable and under-appreciated profession when Beasley was a teacher and still is. She had to carry a gun to school and had to protect herself from the students she disciplined and their parents. Now we have mass shootings of students and teachers.
"Hysterical" Women -
Beasley was committed to an asylum in New York in 1927 on returning to the US from persecution in London after the publication in Paris of her autobiography. She never escaped and died there in 1955. Who knows how many female writers have been judged by men to be insane and locked up. Janet Frame avoided a lobotomy by a few days after her first publication was awarded a national prize. Women are still over-diagnosed for psychiatric issues.
September 25, 2021
I'm grateful to have received a complementary early copy of this memoir from Sourcebooks!
My First Thirty Years was a tedious but important accounting of Gertrude Beasley's life. Family and community secrets have lasting consequences, and that is why they are contained and silenced. Miss Beasley was committed against her will not long after this controversial book was published and confiscated for containing "obscenities." Americans have mastered the art of convincing themselves that such unpleasantries don't happen in the land of the free and the brave. We are very skilled at not seeing things we don't want to see.
This memoir is an indictment of toxic culture and the institutions that uphold such depravities. Suppression of it has only served to increase that which is done in secret and to tighten the grip on those who are bold enough to speak of it. Our nation will not heal until we fully examine the consequences of long-held beliefs that enable and encourage abuse at all levels of our social structure.
This is a story that should be read by college students or those interested in sociology. All banned books should be examined fully within the halls of academia. The reasons for banning them are quite often hidden beneath the guise of obscenity, while the truth lies under a veil of oppression.
My First Thirty Years was a tedious but important accounting of Gertrude Beasley's life. Family and community secrets have lasting consequences, and that is why they are contained and silenced. Miss Beasley was committed against her will not long after this controversial book was published and confiscated for containing "obscenities." Americans have mastered the art of convincing themselves that such unpleasantries don't happen in the land of the free and the brave. We are very skilled at not seeing things we don't want to see.
This memoir is an indictment of toxic culture and the institutions that uphold such depravities. Suppression of it has only served to increase that which is done in secret and to tighten the grip on those who are bold enough to speak of it. Our nation will not heal until we fully examine the consequences of long-held beliefs that enable and encourage abuse at all levels of our social structure.
This is a story that should be read by college students or those interested in sociology. All banned books should be examined fully within the halls of academia. The reasons for banning them are quite often hidden beneath the guise of obscenity, while the truth lies under a veil of oppression.
January 3, 2022
Gertrude. Oh, Gertrude.
Very interesting perspective, growing up as one of 13 children in 1900s west Texas. Gertrude was the 9th of the 13, born to parents who obviously faced the pressure of trying to support so many children. They divorced - rare in those days, and still twinged with shame - so Gertrude's mother was left to raise them all. (Her mother is quite a character, too.)
Of them all, only Gertrude glommed onto education as a way out, as a way to rise above her circumstances. Even though her mother pushed her children to do things to better themselves, Gertrude was the only one who really did. She was teaching school by 17, while earning her degree, then eventually made her way to the University of Chicago for her Master's. Along the way, she began to see the factors that had kept her family so poor and desperate -- and advocate for societal changes, like access to birth control and more opportunities for women.
And yet she was always pulled home, the only one of her siblings to really do anything to take care of their mother. This caused a lot of tension that, when blended with all the incest and rape and violence of her youth, created an untenable situation.
I wish we knew more of Gertrude's adulthood after she left Texas. But we're left with this memoir, banned for decades, that raises more questions than it answers.
Very interesting perspective, growing up as one of 13 children in 1900s west Texas. Gertrude was the 9th of the 13, born to parents who obviously faced the pressure of trying to support so many children. They divorced - rare in those days, and still twinged with shame - so Gertrude's mother was left to raise them all. (Her mother is quite a character, too.)
Of them all, only Gertrude glommed onto education as a way out, as a way to rise above her circumstances. Even though her mother pushed her children to do things to better themselves, Gertrude was the only one who really did. She was teaching school by 17, while earning her degree, then eventually made her way to the University of Chicago for her Master's. Along the way, she began to see the factors that had kept her family so poor and desperate -- and advocate for societal changes, like access to birth control and more opportunities for women.
And yet she was always pulled home, the only one of her siblings to really do anything to take care of their mother. This caused a lot of tension that, when blended with all the incest and rape and violence of her youth, created an untenable situation.
I wish we knew more of Gertrude's adulthood after she left Texas. But we're left with this memoir, banned for decades, that raises more questions than it answers.
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