The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff

by Julie Hall

A practical guide to advise Baby Boomers how to deal with the daunting task of facing a parents' eventual passing as it relates to residential contents, heirlooms, and the often difficult family interactions and feuds that accompany them.

With fascinating stories and comprehensive checklists, professional estate liquidator Julie Hall walks Baby Boomers through the often painful challenge of dividing the wealth and property of their parents' lifetime accumulation of stuff. From preparation while the parent is still living through compassionately helping them empty the family home, The Estate Lady® gives invaluable tips on negotiating the inevitable disputes, avoiding exploitation from scam artists, and eventually closing the chapter of their lives in a way that preserves relationships and maximizes value of assets.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Death, Health

255 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I’d begun reading this book a couple of years ago when I could have had a better conversation with my mother about her care. One of the best tips I picked up was to keep a record of flaky things so you could show the elderly person evidence of their need for help. I would add taking pictures. Yesterday Mom asked me what happened to her tree which had to be cut down after a devastating freeze. I could show her the pictures. I recommend this book to anyone with aging parents.

[Birdie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had intended just to skim through this book to get some tips on how to deal with my in-laws' clutter, but I ended up reading it cover-to-cover. Actually, now that I've read the library's copy, I intend to buy a copy for my husband.

This book has wonderful advice on planning ahead for the inevitable, what happens when there is no will, how to deal with junk mail (go to www.greendimes.com), and where to start when emptying out an entire house. The author, known as "The Estate Lady", shows compassion and understanding as she makes suggestions for steps to take after the funeral and how to help siblings get along through a very stressful time. Her practical advice will help in deciding what to keep, what to toss, and what has actual value.

Anyone who is the executor of an estate would benefit from reading the book before it's needed and having a copy nearby. By planning ahead in this way, family dischord and individual stress can be greatly reduced in a trying and emotional time.

[Charlene Intriago · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a pretty good book for anybody needing to clean out their parents accumulation of stuff or just wanting to clean out their own so no one else has to do it for them! The author provides suggestions and clear-cut steps for not only getting rid of material possessions but also what to do when parents get older, need additional help, dealing with siblings, what to do if you are the executor of a will, etc.

[Julie (jjmachshev) · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that should be required reading for anyone over twenty! "the Boomer Burden", while targeted towards the baby boomer generation, is an excellent how-to handbook for dealing with aging parents and the eventual burden of settling their estate. The book is written with the children in mind, but also includes sections targeted to the parents with open and clear advice on everything from: when and how to suggest additional home help, when and how to suggest and find alternate living facilities, actions and checklists to help both living parents and aging children prepare for the myriad details involved in settling and clearing out an estate.

This book is divided into chapters, each detailing a time or situation adult children will eventually face. The checklists are easy to follow, the advice is sound, and the suggestions for aging parents on making these actions easier for their children are priceless. Julie Hall is "The Estate Lady" and works with families to value and clear their estates. She has some funny, sad, and shocking stories about the good, the bad, and the ugly of dividing and clearing estates.

Because this is an issue 95% of adults would prefer to avoid, many are caught by surprise by the challenges and burdens we will all have to face when our parents or other close loved one dies. Reading this book certainly opened my eyes to the many details and problems around dividing an estate, even if that estate has minimal worth. It's given me the push I needed to try and simplify and organize my current affairs (even though I'm only in my mid-40s) because I realize that making that time easier on my children will be one of the most loving gifts I can provide. I fully intend to buy a copy to send to my parents too!

[Hope · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this because I love decluttering and have toyed with the idea of becoming an estate liquidator when I retire. Thank you, Julie Hall, for opening my eyes to everything that is involved with that occupation! I don't think I could put up with all the family squabbles over worthless (or even valuable) stuff. If you have a Christian world view, earthly possessions don't deserve all the passion and time that estate liquidation requires.

On the other hand, if anyone just wants help cleaning out their parents' junky closets, I'm your girl!

This was an excellent book covering every aspect of taking care of your parents and their belongings during their final years.

[Sandie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good info for life's final chapter. How-tos were well organized. I've since read up on more detailed instructions regarding specific, necessary tasks. Tricky business, death.

[Lisa J Shultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first saw the title, I thought it sounded heavy. But the book aims to help and lighten the overwhelming job of cleaning out a parent's lifetime of accumulated stuff. The book is filled with excellent advice and guidance and also a few horror stories to motivate you to take positive action sooner than later. If your parents are still alive, read it. If your parents have passed, read it to prevent giving your kids or family a burden down the road.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have parents who are still living or are a parent yourself, I cannot recommend this book to you strongly enough.

PLEASE GO BUY THIS BOOK TODAY!


(I'll wait while you order it on Amazon. It's only $10.19 and qualifies for free shipping. Buy a bunch. Send them to everyone. You'll thank me for it someday. Go ahead. Do it now. Buy one for yourself, one for your parents, one for your in-laws, one for each of your siblings, one for each of your children. Then buy a couple more just for good measure. Trust me, you'll think of someone who can use it!)

I happened across this book last year at SamsClub and bought it for my mother. She in turn bought copies for my sister and I and a bunch of cousins. It is the book I wished we had had before my grandma's health started going downhill.

BB Covers topics about health, property, how to talk to your parents, how to talk to your kids, what you need to know about almost everything, and gives you resources to find the help you need so that when the time comes you are PREPARED! Having gone through this situation in various forms 7 times already in my life, I feel there was still so much to learn. And it has really been a great avenue for discussion with my mom, as well as my in-laws.

Seriously, even if you aren't that old (which none of us are) get the book. All we can do in life is prepare, so don't delay. Or don't be surprised when you get hit by the flying brick. (Read the book to find out what that means!)

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting with a lot of cautionary tales of scams & problems of settling an estate! But the majority of the emphasis is on sibling conflicts. Understandably a big problem but as an "only" it didn't offer as much as help on the physical aspects of clearing for me.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

lots of good info and tips. Author's big stressing point: keep the lines of communication with family members open. Not always easy to do but it's not always about you.

[Lenita Sheridan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as Helpful as I had Hoped

I didn't discover this book until after I had sold my mother's house. I thought it might help me with all the things I have of my mom's that are now stored at my house. It did help me with the photos, but what about all the yearbooks, albums, and other keepsakes? Much of it is personalized items that I couldn't throw away, awards and such.

Also, the author's idea of separating items to be donated from items to sell before the estate sale is not how my estate sales people went about it. They had everything up for sale, from high end items, such as artwork and antique furniture, to clothing and even food (as long as it wasn't expired). After the estate sale was over they donated what didn't sell.

While I do wish I had read this book before the estate sale, it may not have helped much. I was the sole heir, so I didn't need all the parts about siblings. Most of my mother's papers were in order, except for the will, for which I contacted the family attorney, and, being the sole heir, it didn't create much of an issue.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am torn on this rating, maybe should be a 4 star. When I discovered this book I had already taken care of my parents estates. No hassle with my only sibling, everything went smoothly. I picked this book up to help me downsize myself, then started also helping a friend who seriously needs to get rid of things.

This book was some help but as it seemed to mostly deal with relationships in the family and retaining them and working around them it did not apply so much to my situation. I did find the hints about clearing out closets and bathrooms interesting and liked the method she describes for going through the house. Like another reader I was hoping for hints about what to do with things like yearbooks (mine and my parents')!

I did read it cover-to-cover and am passing it along to my friend that needs to un-hoard her house. Highly recommend if to anyone who is going to be executor for anyone!

[Mary Lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most useful books I've read on downsizing, but also a great resource for those with elderly parents, addressing everything from powers of attorney, to elder abuse, to handling uncomfortable secrets uncovered after a parent's demise.

Unlike those who just write about their personal experiences, Hill tells anecdotes and cautionary tales drawn from working with thousands of people who have needed professional help managing their parents' estates. But, also unlike many similar books, she doesn't just warn us about what we may face; she gives concrete action steps to take. Whether or not her specific advice is taken, Hill's experiences give the reader tools to plan for situations they may had never considered before. Her references are cited, and she provides an excellent appendix of resources. She's based in the South, but if she lived nearby I'd hire her in a heartbeat.

[Cindy DavisClark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a blue print for end of life planning. It details what a family will deal with in disposing of a life time of accumulation after a loved one's passing. Good information about planning what will happen with your financial and physical possessions after your death. It may seem like a grim subject but after being executor of a pretty well planned estate that still took quite a bit of time to close it gave me lots to think about. We are starting the downsizing of possessions and accumulations now. A good companion to a book called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free You and Your Family From A Lifetime of Clutter. That book is another helpful resource for preplanning while you are well.

[Alycia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this one and found many useful tips on how to help my parents with getting rid of stuff. There was good content about conversations to have, documents to collect, etc...
I really wish the author lived near my parents so that I could employ her to help my mom and dad clear things out. It also makes me more aware of the things I am potentially saddling my kids with - and makes me more open to clearing my stuff out.

[Kimberly Sweeney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spark order and calm around family matters of great importance

Clear concise advice on matters pertaining to an aging family. Methodical method on how to proceed are brilliantly explained. Great advice for each of us faced with decisions about parents and the estate.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me a great deal when my brother and I were clearing out my mother’s estate. I used it as a reference and referred to certain chapters while sorting through the mountains of paper and collectibles in her house.

[Lois · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as a way to think of cleaning out my own home. Some new ideas.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really good advice, but more useful if your parents are still with you to read it too. Some great ideas on cleaning out.

[Justine Dautenhahn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful info for my generation.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book contains some great tips. I wish I had it about fifteen years ago... perhaps I can use it now, to make life a little easier for my siblings, when my time comes...

[Helynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this straightforward, informative manual on how to prepare for he inevitable, Julie Hall, “the estate lady,” targets those of us born between 1946 and 1964—a group that is dealing with aging parents . . . . for the time at hand. But I think this book should be required reading for everyone regardless of his/her current age. Aren’t we all eventually going to have to deal with liquidating our parents’ estates, emptying the houses they no longer inhabit, and dividing up the possessions they may or may not have designated for dispersal in a will? Hall advises adult sons and daughters to survey carefully the lives of elderly parents even before they become senile or infirm. One should watch for signs of dementia as well as physical decline, help parents to keep their house more clean and organized, and curtail the tendency to hoard things. (Favorite items that people hoard even if they are not senile: newspapers, magazines, dozens of plastic Cool Whip containers and hundreds—probably thousands—of twist ties for plastic bread bags). Hall is adamant about the need for wills, specific instructions about the distributions of money and about which relatives receive which possessions, and careful planning for end-of-life decisions. She shares horrors stories about old people with Alzheimer’s who have been taken advantage of by greedy, unscrupulous neighbors or so-called friends. She also tells of families that have been torn apart by anger and resentment when one sibling makes off with parents’ money or possessions for which he/she may not have been entitled. The author gives handy tips on how to organize and execute the emptying of a house. Although there will probably be plenty to throw away at such a moment (she recommends renting an industrial-sized Dumpster), there might be certain items among any parent’s collection that family members might not know are valuable. Hall provides a list of things that might be considered “antique, vintage or collectible”—old books, paintings, furniture, glassware, jewelry, dolls, baseball cards, etc. —that should be appraised before they are chucked out or donated to thrift stores. Above all, the estate lady advocates a spirit of love and cooperation among family members at all times, but especially as parents become old, infirm, and less and less of sound mind. Tell your parents you love them, she states in every chapter, and keep good relationships with your siblings because after your parents are gone, they are your only links to your past. The book’s appendices include a “complete parent care checklist,” a list of helpful resources such as websites that help families locate quality care centers and reputable attorneys, reliable people who manage estate sales, and a list of documents and information that adult sons and daughters need to locate and keep safe as their parents move closer to life’s end.

[Bernadette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must hand it to Julie Hall for addressing the very emotionally-charged subject of getting rid of a parent’s “things” when they pass away. Especially since she specifically addresses the generation of Baby Boomers whose parents grew up during the depression and, for one reason or another, accumulated belongings that have now become a burden on their surviving children.

In The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff, Hall starts by talking about how the idea for the book came about. Hall is a professional estate contents expert and certified personal property appraiser who specializes in estate liquidation. After years of seeing the pain her clients went through in disposing of their parents’ things – both valuable and not – Hall realized that some sort of guide was needed to help the surviving children through the process.

Read more at http://rantsravesreviews.homestead.co...

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Seeing as I am not a Baby Boomer and I have the great fortune that both of my parents are healthy and well, it's a bit odd that I picked up this book, but the title grabbed me. The book is intended for readers who have recently lost parents and are trying to deal with their estate or are preparing their elderly parents for moving to assisted living facilities. The author does a great job explaining how to handle the situation, what professionals to call (and when to call a professional) and how to avoid being scammed. I read the book to help my parents deal with all the stuff that they've collected over the years that has started to make them feel overwhelmed. Hall doesn't sugarcoat the solution, but she offers a lot of support that I am sure her readers will appreciate.

[Carrie McKoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a MUST READ for anyone who basically is a parent or has a parent. Julie Hall shares stories of ways families have dealt with finalizing a parent's estate, and unfortunately many of them are ugly! How awful to follow a parent's death with greed and bickering and strife. I highly recommend this to those whose parents are boomers, entering retirement years, or moving into a nursing home, as well as any parents who accumulate lots of "stuff". Julie teaches you how to deal with all you've amassed now so that your kids don't have to clean up your mess later. No one likes thinking about death, but this author deals with sensitive subjects in a caring yet straightforward way.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Supportive advice from an estate clearance professional. Strong on the emotional and practical side (don't try to do it alone, start with a meeting of the heirs without spouses, change the locks, set off a bug bomb before you tackle the attic), somewhat weak on the financial side though she does encourage contacting an attorney. Points out that boomers need to make our wills and get rid of our stuff so we don't put our kids through what we are going through with our parents.

[Ann Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subtitle says it all: Dealing with your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. Another great chapter title, "The Hearse Doesn't Come with a Trailer Hitch." The author, no relation, is a bit compulsive about details, offering lots of tabs, dividers, and plastic thingys to keep stuff in--definitely pre-IPhone--but the advice is great: get a will, POA, and living will.

[Karen Slora · Rating 3 out of 5]

Practical guide to dealing with one’s parents ‘ estate. It is also useful for developing your own plans. The major drawback I saw in this book was the reliance on appraisers...this would slow down the process. Sometimes, donations are the quickest way to go, even if some valuables are lost in the process.

[Liz De Coster · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book, ultimately, is quite sad. I found it very, very helpful, but I imagine easier to think about in the abstract than the specific. I lent it to my mother, as we are dealing with a volume of items from my grandparents' estate(s), and she found it helpful as well.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has been a very valuable resource to us and helped us smoothly navigate through the process of clearning out our parents' house. It also includes quite a bit of information on how to start a dialogue with aging parents while they are still independent.