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The Family Dynamic: A Journey into the Mystery of Sibling Success
What explains those rare families that boast multiple children who achieve extraordinary success? An award-winning New York Times journalist weaves story with science to explore the circumstances that set those families apart.
An Olympic athlete. An award-winning novelist. A successful entrepreneur. All raised under one roof. What can we learn from those families whose children aim high and succeed, sometimes in widely varied fields? Just as important: What were the costs along the way, and what can we glean from their travails and triumphs?
The acclaimed New York Times journalist Susan Dominus offers compelling profiles of six such families in search of the factors that led to their success—was it an inherited quality, a specific way of parenting, the influence of a sibling, or a twist of luck? Inspired by the iconic Brontë sisters, whose remarkable literary success prompted endless speculation, Dominus, the mother of twin teenagers, sought out contemporary high-achieving families who shared intimate stories of their upbringing. She introduces us to the Chens, young parents who fled their country’s one-child policy to open a Chinese restaurant in Appalachia—then sent four children to elite colleges and on to careers that give back in technology and medicine; the Groffs, whose claim to fame is not just an award-winning novelist but an Olympic athlete and a notable entrepreneur; the Wojcickis, whose daughters are STEM pioneers in Silicon Valley; and the Murguias, who rose from exceptionally humble origins to become powerful jurists and civil rights champions. Woven into these and other stories is an account of centuries of scientific research into the ongoing question of nature versus nurture.
Elegantly written and extensively researched, The Family Dynamic is more than a checklist of how-to’s. It’s a deep and moving exploration of the complexity of family life and the rewards—and burdens—of ambition.
An Olympic athlete. An award-winning novelist. A successful entrepreneur. All raised under one roof. What can we learn from those families whose children aim high and succeed, sometimes in widely varied fields? Just as important: What were the costs along the way, and what can we glean from their travails and triumphs?
The acclaimed New York Times journalist Susan Dominus offers compelling profiles of six such families in search of the factors that led to their success—was it an inherited quality, a specific way of parenting, the influence of a sibling, or a twist of luck? Inspired by the iconic Brontë sisters, whose remarkable literary success prompted endless speculation, Dominus, the mother of twin teenagers, sought out contemporary high-achieving families who shared intimate stories of their upbringing. She introduces us to the Chens, young parents who fled their country’s one-child policy to open a Chinese restaurant in Appalachia—then sent four children to elite colleges and on to careers that give back in technology and medicine; the Groffs, whose claim to fame is not just an award-winning novelist but an Olympic athlete and a notable entrepreneur; the Wojcickis, whose daughters are STEM pioneers in Silicon Valley; and the Murguias, who rose from exceptionally humble origins to become powerful jurists and civil rights champions. Woven into these and other stories is an account of centuries of scientific research into the ongoing question of nature versus nurture.
Elegantly written and extensively researched, The Family Dynamic is more than a checklist of how-to’s. It’s a deep and moving exploration of the complexity of family life and the rewards—and burdens—of ambition.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published May 6, 2025
231 people are currently reading
6303 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews
August 4, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, as I share the author’s interest in micro-anthropologies of families. Most of the book consists of six in-depth case studies of exceptional families, i.e., those producing multiple high-achieving children. Some of these people are “have a Wikipedia page” levels of famous—novelist Lauren Groff and her sister, the athlete Sarah True; Judge Mary Murguia and her sister, the activist Janet Murguia; 23andMe founder Anne Wojcicki and her sister, YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki—while others are more “highly successful by normal human standards” (doctors, lawyers, musicians, entrepreneurs). All but maybe the last family clearly opened up to the author (though some siblings more so than others), who presents their stories in an intimate and compelling way.
One thing that surprised me is how diverse these families are. Four of the six have at least one immigrant parent; there’s a Black family, a Mexican-American family, a Chinese-American family, an interracial family. Almost all the parents came from difficult backgrounds. Some of their children were raised wealthy, but most were not (though most were raised in communities where they had access to cultural opportunities and highly educated people). I was left wondering whether parents who have overcome significant adversity are more likely to raise successful children, or whether the author simply found these families most interesting.
But they are definitely interesting, and quite diverse in terms of their family dynamics and levels of parental involvement as well. Some of the parents deliberately nurtured their kids and sought out enrichment opportunities, while others were too busy making ends meet—the Murguia parents certainly set an example of hard work but the real secret to their children’s success seems to be the group of 5 ambitious siblings (out of 7 total) all pushing and supporting each other. The first to go to college flamed out, but not before helping the next one, and the youngest 4 all went to law school.
The example of hard work is certainly a commonality though, with all the parents being especially driven by their own interests or professional goals or their determination to make a better life for their families. The other big commonality is the way the siblings compete with and reinforce one another (some more harmoniously than others, but in adulthood they all seem to have each other’s backs). Seeing your siblings dream big and succeed raises the bar for what’s possible, as well as potentially providing connections and practical assistance.
Dominus intersperses the stories with analysis of relevant research, including on motivating kids (a sense of agency is important, and is lost when adults step in to help), expectations (high expectations help if they’re grounded in the child’s actual abilities, but hurt if they’re just unrealistic), twin studies (identical twins are closer and get along better than fraternal twins), genetics (even genes that aren’t passed on can result in behaviors or outcomes being inherited, via the environment created by the parents) and the role of siblings (birth order may not be as important as you think… but women with younger brothers wind up in more gender-conforming professional roles than those with younger sisters). In a fun and interesting touch, the author also writes about the family lives of many of the scientists doing this research, which often have a direct bearing on their work, and complement the themes of the main stories.
All around interesting stuff, though any takeaways are necessarily complex. Uncontrollable life circumstances and sheer luck have a great deal to do with anyone’s success (as shown by an actual case in which identical twins from two different families were accidentally switched at birth!). This is not a how-to manual for ambitious parents, and even raises questions about whether all this success is worth pursuing. Still, worth a read for anyone interested in families and particularly in how siblings influence each other as both children and adults.
One thing that surprised me is how diverse these families are. Four of the six have at least one immigrant parent; there’s a Black family, a Mexican-American family, a Chinese-American family, an interracial family. Almost all the parents came from difficult backgrounds. Some of their children were raised wealthy, but most were not (though most were raised in communities where they had access to cultural opportunities and highly educated people). I was left wondering whether parents who have overcome significant adversity are more likely to raise successful children, or whether the author simply found these families most interesting.
But they are definitely interesting, and quite diverse in terms of their family dynamics and levels of parental involvement as well. Some of the parents deliberately nurtured their kids and sought out enrichment opportunities, while others were too busy making ends meet—the Murguia parents certainly set an example of hard work but the real secret to their children’s success seems to be the group of 5 ambitious siblings (out of 7 total) all pushing and supporting each other. The first to go to college flamed out, but not before helping the next one, and the youngest 4 all went to law school.
The example of hard work is certainly a commonality though, with all the parents being especially driven by their own interests or professional goals or their determination to make a better life for their families. The other big commonality is the way the siblings compete with and reinforce one another (some more harmoniously than others, but in adulthood they all seem to have each other’s backs). Seeing your siblings dream big and succeed raises the bar for what’s possible, as well as potentially providing connections and practical assistance.
Dominus intersperses the stories with analysis of relevant research, including on motivating kids (a sense of agency is important, and is lost when adults step in to help), expectations (high expectations help if they’re grounded in the child’s actual abilities, but hurt if they’re just unrealistic), twin studies (identical twins are closer and get along better than fraternal twins), genetics (even genes that aren’t passed on can result in behaviors or outcomes being inherited, via the environment created by the parents) and the role of siblings (birth order may not be as important as you think… but women with younger brothers wind up in more gender-conforming professional roles than those with younger sisters). In a fun and interesting touch, the author also writes about the family lives of many of the scientists doing this research, which often have a direct bearing on their work, and complement the themes of the main stories.
All around interesting stuff, though any takeaways are necessarily complex. Uncontrollable life circumstances and sheer luck have a great deal to do with anyone’s success (as shown by an actual case in which identical twins from two different families were accidentally switched at birth!). This is not a how-to manual for ambitious parents, and even raises questions about whether all this success is worth pursuing. Still, worth a read for anyone interested in families and particularly in how siblings influence each other as both children and adults.
July 2, 2025
A fascinating and insightful exploration of sibling relationships.
This book dives deep into how family dynamics shape who we become, especially in relation to our siblings. Susan Dominus brings a thoughtful and engaging perspective, mixing research with personal stories that make the content relatable and eye-opening.
It made me reflect on my own family in a new light. Some parts felt a bit dense, but overall, it's a rewarding and well-written read for anyone curious about how family truly influences our paths.
This book dives deep into how family dynamics shape who we become, especially in relation to our siblings. Susan Dominus brings a thoughtful and engaging perspective, mixing research with personal stories that make the content relatable and eye-opening.
It made me reflect on my own family in a new light. Some parts felt a bit dense, but overall, it's a rewarding and well-written read for anyone curious about how family truly influences our paths.
September 13, 2025
This book explores the influence of family on the development of social and economic success with particular emphasis focused on the influence of siblings. The book's narrative interweaves stories of the Brontë sisters with those of six different contemporary families together with excerpts from academic studies on factors that contribute to children’s success later as adults.
One of the six families included in the author's detailed family portraits is the story of the Murguia family of Kansas City, Kansas. This is a family with whom I have some familiarity, and I was impressed with the detail included. It's an example of immigrant parents who recognized that education was important, but their children were on their own making decisions related to school. Alfred, the oldest of the siblings who attended college had significant influence on those who followed.
Similarly in another example, the Chens who immigrated from China worked so hard in their restaurant that they had little time or knowledge to advise their children on their academic pursuits. Instead the siblings worked together as a tight-knit group that helped, critiqued, and encouraged each other.
Both of the above two examples were environments that appeared to be economically and culturally deprived, but their family dynamic turned it into a springboard to success. “What the siblings had going for them above all else was one another.” They “pushed one another but also provided logistical support, connections and counsel,” along with “unquestionable loyalty.”
None of the example families sited in this book are particularly wealthy, however some of the the parents expended much effort to expose their children to culturally enriching experiences. The families vared widely reminding the reader that there is not one correct way to raise a family.
Between the vignettes that described particular families the author discusses sociological studies that have examined various aspects of the nature-versus-experience question. I found it to be an interesting book.
One of the six families included in the author's detailed family portraits is the story of the Murguia family of Kansas City, Kansas. This is a family with whom I have some familiarity, and I was impressed with the detail included. It's an example of immigrant parents who recognized that education was important, but their children were on their own making decisions related to school. Alfred, the oldest of the siblings who attended college had significant influence on those who followed.
Similarly in another example, the Chens who immigrated from China worked so hard in their restaurant that they had little time or knowledge to advise their children on their academic pursuits. Instead the siblings worked together as a tight-knit group that helped, critiqued, and encouraged each other.
Both of the above two examples were environments that appeared to be economically and culturally deprived, but their family dynamic turned it into a springboard to success. “What the siblings had going for them above all else was one another.” They “pushed one another but also provided logistical support, connections and counsel,” along with “unquestionable loyalty.”
None of the example families sited in this book are particularly wealthy, however some of the the parents expended much effort to expose their children to culturally enriching experiences. The families vared widely reminding the reader that there is not one correct way to raise a family.
Between the vignettes that described particular families the author discusses sociological studies that have examined various aspects of the nature-versus-experience question. I found it to be an interesting book.
September 3, 2025
Susan Dominus is an American journalist who's been on staff at the New York Times since 2011. Her 2025 book, The Family Dynamic, is the culmination of years of Dominus' fascination and exploration of the topic of families with multiple "successful" siblings, exploring the role of nature vs. nurture in how their families of origin were able to launch multiple high-achieving individuals. Dominus sought out and conducted in-depth interviews with around half a dozen diverse families, many of whom have recognizable members, like the Wojcickis (Anne, entrepreneur and 23andMe founder, and her late sister Susan, who was instrumental in Google's early days), the Pauluses (Diane, a Tony-winning director), and the Groffs (Lauren, a novelist, and her sister Sarah True, an Olympian triathlete).
I enjoyed hearing about these successful families, though at the same time, there is a marked difference in how Dominus, a curious journalist, approached this topic vs. how an academic sociologist would have approached it. Rather than incisive analysis and the resources to bolster the sample size significantly, this is largely a series of stories with common themes. Though Dominus peppers in perspectives from sociology research on this topic, her sample size is too small to comment on how conforming or nonconforming her subjects were. The families are also presented in distinct chapters rather than organized across common themes, so drawing unifying conclusions is difficult. Dominus also seems to heavily draw from her own pet subjects who probably don't merit much consideration, like the Brontë siblings (definitely a successful family, but not one that Dominus can interview first-hand), and bizarrely, the older two kids of sociology researcher-unsuccessfully-turned-biologist Dalton Conley, the tragically-named "E" and "Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles" (as I railed on in a prior review of Conley's recent nonfiction disaster).
Overall, a fascinating topic that would be fascinating to learn more about with a rigorous research approach.
My statistics:
Book 277 for 2025
Book 2203 cumulatively
I enjoyed hearing about these successful families, though at the same time, there is a marked difference in how Dominus, a curious journalist, approached this topic vs. how an academic sociologist would have approached it. Rather than incisive analysis and the resources to bolster the sample size significantly, this is largely a series of stories with common themes. Though Dominus peppers in perspectives from sociology research on this topic, her sample size is too small to comment on how conforming or nonconforming her subjects were. The families are also presented in distinct chapters rather than organized across common themes, so drawing unifying conclusions is difficult. Dominus also seems to heavily draw from her own pet subjects who probably don't merit much consideration, like the Brontë siblings (definitely a successful family, but not one that Dominus can interview first-hand), and bizarrely, the older two kids of sociology researcher-unsuccessfully-turned-biologist Dalton Conley, the tragically-named "E" and "Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles" (as I railed on in a prior review of Conley's recent nonfiction disaster).
Overall, a fascinating topic that would be fascinating to learn more about with a rigorous research approach.
My statistics:
Book 277 for 2025
Book 2203 cumulatively
Want to read
March 10, 2025Adam Grant spring recs
August 11, 2025
Love a book on parent and sibling dynamics. This was more of a narrative telling of a few exceptional families interspersed with some research, but I appreciated the structure and the inside scoop on other families.
The main thing that will stay with me is the impact of raising the expectations of your kids / students / reports and how powerful that can be to set them on a new trajectory. I thought this author offered a balanced take on the different ways one’s genetics and environment contribute to exceptionalism (whatever that may be).
The main thing that will stay with me is the impact of raising the expectations of your kids / students / reports and how powerful that can be to set them on a new trajectory. I thought this author offered a balanced take on the different ways one’s genetics and environment contribute to exceptionalism (whatever that may be).
April 19, 2025
"The Family Dynamics" presents an intimate, layered exploration of how relationships within a family can shape — and sometimes shake — our identity. The author does a brilliant job of capturing the quiet tensions, unspoken histories, and deep love that maintains the family atmosphere
The characters feel real and raw. Each one brings their own baggage, and as a reader, you’re drawn into their individual perspectives.
What I appreciated most was how the book doesn't shy away from complexity. There are no perfect characters — just people doing their best (or worst) in situations that test them. The dialogue feels natural, the conflicts relatable, and the resolution, while not neat, feels earned.
The characters feel real and raw. Each one brings their own baggage, and as a reader, you’re drawn into their individual perspectives.
What I appreciated most was how the book doesn't shy away from complexity. There are no perfect characters — just people doing their best (or worst) in situations that test them. The dialogue feels natural, the conflicts relatable, and the resolution, while not neat, feels earned.
June 30, 2025
An interesting perspective on the family conditions that have resulted in successful adults (success is defined as prestigeous positions in a field of expertise with a large range including professional musicians, authors, athletes, CEOs, doctors etc).
August 1, 2025
OK, this one was not for me, folks, although it was well-researched, well-organized, and well-written (although exceedingly dull at times for those who find most sociological research culturally biased and flawed enough to be both extremely predictable and myopic). It would be great for a book club because it could spur some great conversations, but ultimately it seems to be doggedly intent on exposing the problematic nature of its own premise.
Right from the start, I was troubled by the premise, and unsatisfied by the definition of "success" that Dominus provides. Although the families she profiles are diverse (and wonderful-- all who agreed to be profiled for this book are very definitely not alike, I might note with a wink to Tolstoy), her definition of success seems to be something along the lines of "worth submitting to the Yale alumni magazine," if you know what I mean. Even she seems to be aware that the latest generation, and the zeitgeist, would note that success is culturally and personally defined, constantly shifting, and (ultimately) calling attention to a person's success makes us all the more aware of what she might be lacking.
Interestingly for a book on the subject of parenting, becoming a loving, fulfilled, satisfied, nurturing parent is notably NOT one of the things that would earn you a profile in this book unless your own children earned significant worldly successes. In the end, I do have to agree with the final young lady interviewed in the book, that it's all about love. Parenting with fear may produce strivers, but parenting with love IS bliss, not because you don't make mistakes, but because love covers a multitude of sins. I thought E's parting idea was absolutely beautiful, in fact, and I think Dominus was smart to end on that note.
In the end, I am left wondering-- would the author agree with the review I've just written? Did she want to provoke us with questions about what is true success, whether the juice is worth the squeeze, whether we really want a how-to book or a be-yourself-in-all-your-non-alikeness-and-enjoy-the-journey book? It's the same way I felt when I read Chua's Battle Hymn-- was she more self-aware than I realized, and I was just on the cusp of getting the joke?
Footnote: The family stories are interesting here, and I liked them all, but Dominus was far too gentle and kind-- good things, if it's your family profiled!-- to make them lively reading. But really, families are only great reading if you're willing to go full David Sedaris. Also, the imp of the perverse nudges me to suggest that in the next edition, she should add a profile of the Kardashian/Jenner clan.
Right from the start, I was troubled by the premise, and unsatisfied by the definition of "success" that Dominus provides. Although the families she profiles are diverse (and wonderful-- all who agreed to be profiled for this book are very definitely not alike, I might note with a wink to Tolstoy), her definition of success seems to be something along the lines of "worth submitting to the Yale alumni magazine," if you know what I mean. Even she seems to be aware that the latest generation, and the zeitgeist, would note that success is culturally and personally defined, constantly shifting, and (ultimately) calling attention to a person's success makes us all the more aware of what she might be lacking.
Interestingly for a book on the subject of parenting, becoming a loving, fulfilled, satisfied, nurturing parent is notably NOT one of the things that would earn you a profile in this book unless your own children earned significant worldly successes. In the end, I do have to agree with the final young lady interviewed in the book, that it's all about love. Parenting with fear may produce strivers, but parenting with love IS bliss, not because you don't make mistakes, but because love covers a multitude of sins. I thought E's parting idea was absolutely beautiful, in fact, and I think Dominus was smart to end on that note.
In the end, I am left wondering-- would the author agree with the review I've just written? Did she want to provoke us with questions about what is true success, whether the juice is worth the squeeze, whether we really want a how-to book or a be-yourself-in-all-your-non-alikeness-and-enjoy-the-journey book? It's the same way I felt when I read Chua's Battle Hymn-- was she more self-aware than I realized, and I was just on the cusp of getting the joke?
Footnote: The family stories are interesting here, and I liked them all, but Dominus was far too gentle and kind-- good things, if it's your family profiled!-- to make them lively reading. But really, families are only great reading if you're willing to go full David Sedaris. Also, the imp of the perverse nudges me to suggest that in the next edition, she should add a profile of the Kardashian/Jenner clan.
July 5, 2025
I really enjoyed the Daily podcast episode this author did in May of this year regarding the themes in this book. However the book felt far too drawn out with mostly anecdotal examples of highly successful families with some research sprinkled in. The podcast was a much more entertaining listen and an adequate summary vs the full book because of this.
never-finishing
September 19, 2025DNF @ 20%. This was at times horrifying and at times boring. Realized early on it wasn't for me. It was interesting to hear about Lauren Groff and her siblings' success. The book confirmed that when you pressure your kids beyond reason and make them miserable, they could also become very successful. I won't be trying that method myself.
August 11, 2025
Interesting
December 1, 2025
Coming from a family where all 3 siblings go to duke when my parents didn't go to elite colleges this topic has been a special interest of mine that i was so excited to find read a book about !!
Really liked how diverse the case studies were and alot of these families honestly reminded me of my own.
Dominus does a fantastic job recognizing how luck/circumstance/privilege plays a role in success which was a nuance i think made this book so good. Will definitely reread when I have kids of my own
Really liked how diverse the case studies were and alot of these families honestly reminded me of my own.
Dominus does a fantastic job recognizing how luck/circumstance/privilege plays a role in success which was a nuance i think made this book so good. Will definitely reread when I have kids of my own
May 17, 2025
Needed a fiction break so grabbed a book not usually one I’d lean toward. Parenting styles that show how nurture vs. nature plays a big role. “Good,better,best never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best!”
June 10, 2025
I gleaned so much valuable information out of these family histories and scientific studies. The Paulus Dynamic chapter left me in tears.
Interesting Ideas
• Common thread amongst families with successful children is boldness--belief that they could change the world. "Families that dream big but that also have the skills to act effectively to realize those dreams."
• Self-discipline needed even with an innate natural talent. "If you practice an hour a day, you'll be like everybody who practices an hour a day. If you want to be great you be the one doing five hours a day."
• Adults intervening was demotivating to kids, discouraging persistence and takes away their autonomy when you don't let them do small tasks like getting dressed or tying shoelaces.
• "Middle-class and low-income families tend to invest more heavily in the child seems more destined for success. Wealthier families tend to spend their resources trying to help a struggling student succeed."
• "Exercises in grit: (1) making kids research a topic and present at dinner table. Other kids would have to research too to ask the right questions to see if the presenter knew what he was talking about; (2) giving kids a dollar to see who could last in the cold pool for a minute.
• Parents having their own projects and ambitions but children were never the main one. Letting kids struggle to figure things out themselves, never doing things for them or helping them out too much. No effusive praise, just telling them they are so tough.
Quotes
• "...other people's limits need not apply to their family."
• "...another source of happiness lies in a sense of self-agency--and so I also hope that they will have been raised to be curious and resourceful, capable of contributing in the future, to whatever callings they pursue."
• "'I didn't break them.'"
• "...unless they let their children risk failure, they'd never find out just how far they could go."
• "The closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role of innate talent seems to play and the bigger the role preparation seems to play."
• "'Talented people almost always know full well the excellence that is in them,' Charlotte Bronte wrote to a friend in 1846. (Whether they have the opportunity to express it, however, is often a matter of circumstance.)
• "'Do you need to be riddled with anxiety to make good work? Do you need that pressure?'"
• "A generation of young people seem less interested in cultivating their own grit than in questioning the underpinnings of a society that for so long valued, above all, the kind of work effort that requires long hours, often to the detriment of overall well-being."
• "She had been raised to understand racism as tantamount to ignorance. 'And it was their loss that they didn't get to know me. If I gave up, I was giving in to their meanness, their hatred.'"
• "He was silent. Janet leaned in again. 'Dad, I said I love you,' she said. He father finally spoke: 'I like you too.'"
• "The more one of the cloned mice engaged with the complicated, enriching environment around it, the more that mouse may have enhanced its own capacity to learn."
• "In China, you could work hard and do everything right, and still you had no chance of getting ahead. But in America, all you had to do was work hard in school, and you could make something of your life."
• "'My mother came from a very Zen Buddhist Asian way of looking without desire--but was always there.'"
• "Esther believes that her own roaring engine of agency was built that day. Never again would she assume that doctors knew what they were talking about, that the authorities held hidden knowledge. She would never again believe that anyone could protect her. She would protect herself by making her own future--she would learn everything she needed to learn to make herself invulnerable."
• "One of the markers of people who are high in openness, across cultures, is being prone to chills from music or theater or unexpected beauty."
• "Intellectual curiosity and creativity were found to be more important in predicting differences in students' reading and mathematical abilities than qualities such as conscientiousness and discipline, according to research published in 2019."
• "Children are capable of so much more than we think--and they thrive when they are made to feel that their contributions are vital."
Interesting Ideas
• Common thread amongst families with successful children is boldness--belief that they could change the world. "Families that dream big but that also have the skills to act effectively to realize those dreams."
• Self-discipline needed even with an innate natural talent. "If you practice an hour a day, you'll be like everybody who practices an hour a day. If you want to be great you be the one doing five hours a day."
• Adults intervening was demotivating to kids, discouraging persistence and takes away their autonomy when you don't let them do small tasks like getting dressed or tying shoelaces.
• "Middle-class and low-income families tend to invest more heavily in the child seems more destined for success. Wealthier families tend to spend their resources trying to help a struggling student succeed."
• "Exercises in grit: (1) making kids research a topic and present at dinner table. Other kids would have to research too to ask the right questions to see if the presenter knew what he was talking about; (2) giving kids a dollar to see who could last in the cold pool for a minute.
• Parents having their own projects and ambitions but children were never the main one. Letting kids struggle to figure things out themselves, never doing things for them or helping them out too much. No effusive praise, just telling them they are so tough.
Quotes
• "...other people's limits need not apply to their family."
• "...another source of happiness lies in a sense of self-agency--and so I also hope that they will have been raised to be curious and resourceful, capable of contributing in the future, to whatever callings they pursue."
• "'I didn't break them.'"
• "...unless they let their children risk failure, they'd never find out just how far they could go."
• "The closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role of innate talent seems to play and the bigger the role preparation seems to play."
• "'Talented people almost always know full well the excellence that is in them,' Charlotte Bronte wrote to a friend in 1846. (Whether they have the opportunity to express it, however, is often a matter of circumstance.)
• "'Do you need to be riddled with anxiety to make good work? Do you need that pressure?'"
• "A generation of young people seem less interested in cultivating their own grit than in questioning the underpinnings of a society that for so long valued, above all, the kind of work effort that requires long hours, often to the detriment of overall well-being."
• "She had been raised to understand racism as tantamount to ignorance. 'And it was their loss that they didn't get to know me. If I gave up, I was giving in to their meanness, their hatred.'"
• "He was silent. Janet leaned in again. 'Dad, I said I love you,' she said. He father finally spoke: 'I like you too.'"
• "The more one of the cloned mice engaged with the complicated, enriching environment around it, the more that mouse may have enhanced its own capacity to learn."
• "In China, you could work hard and do everything right, and still you had no chance of getting ahead. But in America, all you had to do was work hard in school, and you could make something of your life."
• "'My mother came from a very Zen Buddhist Asian way of looking without desire--but was always there.'"
• "Esther believes that her own roaring engine of agency was built that day. Never again would she assume that doctors knew what they were talking about, that the authorities held hidden knowledge. She would never again believe that anyone could protect her. She would protect herself by making her own future--she would learn everything she needed to learn to make herself invulnerable."
• "One of the markers of people who are high in openness, across cultures, is being prone to chills from music or theater or unexpected beauty."
• "Intellectual curiosity and creativity were found to be more important in predicting differences in students' reading and mathematical abilities than qualities such as conscientiousness and discipline, according to research published in 2019."
• "Children are capable of so much more than we think--and they thrive when they are made to feel that their contributions are vital."
September 3, 2025
Our parents get older, our kids grow up, but our siblings are always running still beside us. If we are lucky to grow up with them, our life events arrive in tandem. Whether the attachment strengthens or weakens, we share some bedrock of a familial story. The strangeness, when we realize that we could share a bedroom, but see our pasts in radically different ways, can be revelatory. Maybe it’s frightening and humbling to know our stories are never monolithic, that they can be perceived more acutely through another’s eyes.
The power of narrative, to weave, strengthen and challenge a family is what I took from Susan Dominus’s “The Family Dynamic: A Journey Into the Mystery of Sibling Success”. She looks to the tail ends of the distributions, to find examples of exceptional families. These are families where children outperformed the probabilities of their social-economic status. Families with unique parenting structures. Families with boldness, ambition, and great love. In a word increasingly algorithmic and soul-suckingly predictable, our families are places where there is caprice and surprise. “They unleash an arrow of ambition, and are often surprised to find that they can’t control that arrow’s direction” (p.7), Dominus writes.
The story that reached into me, and pulled every heart string I have was that of the “Paulus Family”. I loved the enrichment-based childhood offered to thes children - from a showboat father and forbearing mother. Their cross-cultural story, a result of the second world war, and sustained by the love of creative arts was truly inspiring. Dominus reaches across the generations of this family - and sees the effects of thwarted ambition, which have their own downstream effects on the children. Many of the stories Dominus features here are of exceptional children, but this story so completely circles the narrative, back to how the children gave tribute to their parents. It’s a colossal family narrative that felt uniquely aspiration and American.
I also loved the story of the “Murguias” chapter. Not since the movie “No Country for Old Men” has a coin flip chilled me to the bone, as this story does. There are multiple layers to the sibling relationships - a shared sense to overcome the limited opportunities of their upbringing and shared honor of their family name. The power of faith and family, amidst poverty, that sustains the older generations can sometimes be the stumbling block to the younger ones. The opportunities for leadership within the law and governance may have been outside the dreams of their parents, and yet there is an industrial ness that seeps through their characters.
Despite crafting some very powerful stories of families who succeed, and exploring sibling relational outcomes; I found the overall book to be a mixed experience. It may just be too large a topic to avoid sprawl, but there were some chapters (“The Wojcickis”) where multiple family narratives are explored, and they sort of bleed over into each other. Callbacks to the Bronte family, when the chapter was exploring another family seemed unnecessary and took away from the reading momentum. My expectations were that the book would make some bold statements about sibling relationships, with heavy scientific research. I was unpleasantly surprised that we rely so much on anecdotes, and how little the stories would generalize to a worldview on familial and sibling relationships.
Psychologist Donald Winnicott's writings argue that the "good enough parent" is better than the perfect one (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_en...). It seems freeing to the parent and the child to be lifted from the anxiety of conditional acceptance of a parent. Dominus doesn't hide the wounds of the striving parent, but I thought it was notable that so many of these stories have wildly positive outcomes. I guess there is an inspiration in this, but I often was left wanting a different story - maybe a story that conversed with the reader about the power of siblings in health, sociability, empathy, and meaning. Sometimes it felt like the focus of these stories heavily drifts from parental views to the child's views. Additional restraint and editing would make for a tighter story.
Overall a thoughtful book about the power of families and the aspirations we have to build or escape them.
The power of narrative, to weave, strengthen and challenge a family is what I took from Susan Dominus’s “The Family Dynamic: A Journey Into the Mystery of Sibling Success”. She looks to the tail ends of the distributions, to find examples of exceptional families. These are families where children outperformed the probabilities of their social-economic status. Families with unique parenting structures. Families with boldness, ambition, and great love. In a word increasingly algorithmic and soul-suckingly predictable, our families are places where there is caprice and surprise. “They unleash an arrow of ambition, and are often surprised to find that they can’t control that arrow’s direction” (p.7), Dominus writes.
The story that reached into me, and pulled every heart string I have was that of the “Paulus Family”. I loved the enrichment-based childhood offered to thes children - from a showboat father and forbearing mother. Their cross-cultural story, a result of the second world war, and sustained by the love of creative arts was truly inspiring. Dominus reaches across the generations of this family - and sees the effects of thwarted ambition, which have their own downstream effects on the children. Many of the stories Dominus features here are of exceptional children, but this story so completely circles the narrative, back to how the children gave tribute to their parents. It’s a colossal family narrative that felt uniquely aspiration and American.
I also loved the story of the “Murguias” chapter. Not since the movie “No Country for Old Men” has a coin flip chilled me to the bone, as this story does. There are multiple layers to the sibling relationships - a shared sense to overcome the limited opportunities of their upbringing and shared honor of their family name. The power of faith and family, amidst poverty, that sustains the older generations can sometimes be the stumbling block to the younger ones. The opportunities for leadership within the law and governance may have been outside the dreams of their parents, and yet there is an industrial ness that seeps through their characters.
Despite crafting some very powerful stories of families who succeed, and exploring sibling relational outcomes; I found the overall book to be a mixed experience. It may just be too large a topic to avoid sprawl, but there were some chapters (“The Wojcickis”) where multiple family narratives are explored, and they sort of bleed over into each other. Callbacks to the Bronte family, when the chapter was exploring another family seemed unnecessary and took away from the reading momentum. My expectations were that the book would make some bold statements about sibling relationships, with heavy scientific research. I was unpleasantly surprised that we rely so much on anecdotes, and how little the stories would generalize to a worldview on familial and sibling relationships.
Psychologist Donald Winnicott's writings argue that the "good enough parent" is better than the perfect one (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_en...). It seems freeing to the parent and the child to be lifted from the anxiety of conditional acceptance of a parent. Dominus doesn't hide the wounds of the striving parent, but I thought it was notable that so many of these stories have wildly positive outcomes. I guess there is an inspiration in this, but I often was left wanting a different story - maybe a story that conversed with the reader about the power of siblings in health, sociability, empathy, and meaning. Sometimes it felt like the focus of these stories heavily drifts from parental views to the child's views. Additional restraint and editing would make for a tighter story.
Overall a thoughtful book about the power of families and the aspirations we have to build or escape them.
Want to read
June 24, 2025As heard on Listening to Worklife with Adam Grant (The neglected power of siblings with Susan Dominus)
https://audiocollective.ted.com
Many parents believe that their actions will shape the success of their kids. But what if siblings actually matter more? Susan Dominus is a staff writer at the New York Times and the author of The Family Dynamic. In this episode, Susan and Adam discuss the psychology of achievement, the role siblings play in our accomplishments, and the relative impact of nature and nurture on excellence.
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Host: Adam Grant (Instagram: @adamgrant | LinkedIn: @adammgrant | Website: adamgrant.net/)
Guest: Susan Dominus (Instagram: @suedominus | Website: https://english.yale.edu/people/full-part-time-lecturers/susan-dominus)
Links
The Family Dynamic: A Journey Into the Mystery of Sibling Success
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September 25, 2025
Really good writer. Enjoyed the detailed histories based on interviews with six families that included multiple highly successful siblings. Doesn't say how she located them, nor what the selection criteria were, but on the face of it they all struck me as legitimately characterized as having had artistic, academic, athletic, or professional success at a high level.
To her credit, she doesn't try to pull together a checklist of universal parenting tips, and you would be hard-pressed to extract a unifying theme -- some of the parents are micro-managers, while others engage in benign neglect. Some wanted their kids to emulate the parents, while others were thwarted in their own ambitions and aimed to see the children outdo them. Some think in terms of nurturing whatever the kid's talents/interests might be, and others have a specific direction in mind such as the guy obsessed with his kids' becoming successful artists. And so on.
Blends in discussion of various aspects of research from social sciences (ex. the rise and fall of the preoccupation with "grit" as a contributory cause of high achievement) and genetics (ex. the "mistaken zygosity" twin studies of personality). She's an NYT staff writer and journalism teacher but apparently not specifically a science writer -- very good at it, though.
My only real quibble was that she (or maybe the marketing team for the book?) loses sight [in subtitle, jacket copy, introductory framing, occasional comments thereafter] of a basic point that she herself made several times in commenting on statements by the interviewees -- to wit, selecting a few success stories and asking the parents and kids how they did it is no way to find out what parenting practices (if any) cause multiple-high-achieving-siblings. Forget about sorting genes from environment or shared from nonshared environment or evocation effects or third variables -- you don't even have any associations when one "variable" (multiple success) is a constant.
So-and-so's Mom was big on hard work. Great. What % of those whose parents encourage hard work go on to X level of achievement? What % of those whose parents tell them to chill do? That would be just step one, but at least a start.
tl;dr: If you want the coveted fifth star, sell the book as what it is [a set of cool family histories], not what it isn't [an investigation of parenting as a potential cause of multiple high achievement].
To her credit, she doesn't try to pull together a checklist of universal parenting tips, and you would be hard-pressed to extract a unifying theme -- some of the parents are micro-managers, while others engage in benign neglect. Some wanted their kids to emulate the parents, while others were thwarted in their own ambitions and aimed to see the children outdo them. Some think in terms of nurturing whatever the kid's talents/interests might be, and others have a specific direction in mind such as the guy obsessed with his kids' becoming successful artists. And so on.
Blends in discussion of various aspects of research from social sciences (ex. the rise and fall of the preoccupation with "grit" as a contributory cause of high achievement) and genetics (ex. the "mistaken zygosity" twin studies of personality). She's an NYT staff writer and journalism teacher but apparently not specifically a science writer -- very good at it, though.
My only real quibble was that she (or maybe the marketing team for the book?) loses sight [in subtitle, jacket copy, introductory framing, occasional comments thereafter] of a basic point that she herself made several times in commenting on statements by the interviewees -- to wit, selecting a few success stories and asking the parents and kids how they did it is no way to find out what parenting practices (if any) cause multiple-high-achieving-siblings. Forget about sorting genes from environment or shared from nonshared environment or evocation effects or third variables -- you don't even have any associations when one "variable" (multiple success) is a constant.
So-and-so's Mom was big on hard work. Great. What % of those whose parents encourage hard work go on to X level of achievement? What % of those whose parents tell them to chill do? That would be just step one, but at least a start.
tl;dr: If you want the coveted fifth star, sell the book as what it is [a set of cool family histories], not what it isn't [an investigation of parenting as a potential cause of multiple high achievement].
June 2, 2025
"The Family Dynamic" by Susan Dominus is a compelling and deeply insightful exploration of the modern American family, offering a nuanced look at the evolving challenges, triumphs, and complexities that define our most intimate relationships. Dominus possesses a rare ability to blend rigorous reporting with profound empathy. She tackles a wide array of topics, from the delicate balance of work and parenthood, the impact of technology on family life, and the changing landscape of marriage and divorce, to the often-unseen struggles of adolescence and the enduring bonds of siblings. Her writing is characterized by meticulous research, vivid storytelling, and an unflinching willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.
One of the strengths of "The Family Dynamic" is the author’s commitment to presenting diverse perspectives. She avoids simplistic narratives, instead highlighting the messiness and contradictions inherent in family life. Whether she's interviewing parents grappling with their children's digital lives, exploring the emotional toll of economic instability on households, or examining the psychological impact of major life transitions, Dominus consistently demonstrates a profound understanding of the human condition. Her prose is elegant and accessible, making complex sociological and psychological concepts understandable to a broad audience. She often weaves in personal anecdotes and vivid character sketches, allowing readers to connect with the subjects on a deeply human level. This approach transforms what could be dry journalistic pieces into engaging and often moving narratives.
For anyone seeking a deeper understanding of the forces shaping contemporary family life, Dominus's body of work is indispensable. She doesn't offer easy answers or prescriptive solutions, but rather provides a rich tapestry of experiences that encourages reflection and empathy. Her articles collectively serve as a vital sociological record, capturing the anxieties, aspirations, and enduring love that define "the family dynamic" in the 21st century.
One of the strengths of "The Family Dynamic" is the author’s commitment to presenting diverse perspectives. She avoids simplistic narratives, instead highlighting the messiness and contradictions inherent in family life. Whether she's interviewing parents grappling with their children's digital lives, exploring the emotional toll of economic instability on households, or examining the psychological impact of major life transitions, Dominus consistently demonstrates a profound understanding of the human condition. Her prose is elegant and accessible, making complex sociological and psychological concepts understandable to a broad audience. She often weaves in personal anecdotes and vivid character sketches, allowing readers to connect with the subjects on a deeply human level. This approach transforms what could be dry journalistic pieces into engaging and often moving narratives.
For anyone seeking a deeper understanding of the forces shaping contemporary family life, Dominus's body of work is indispensable. She doesn't offer easy answers or prescriptive solutions, but rather provides a rich tapestry of experiences that encourages reflection and empathy. Her articles collectively serve as a vital sociological record, capturing the anxieties, aspirations, and enduring love that define "the family dynamic" in the 21st century.
June 28, 2025
I was deeply entertained by the explorations of these families, and overjoyed with the families that she chose to display in this book about siblings, but really a book about whether or not parents can control success of their children. The ending caught me off guard and did lead to tears. For most of the book, Susan Dominus was fairly neutral on the question of whether or not we should try to engineer achievement oriented children. She explores this question with thoughtful conversations and her style of journalism is human and rigorous. By the end of the book it's less subtly stated that there are always consequences for achievement, and unintended consequences that come with trying too hard to make something exactly what you want it to be (mainly 23 and me and Ad revenue are both shitty products for the world that people take advantage of). In these final paragraphs of the book she summarizes so quietly the message from all of the research she did combined. Never does she let a study enter the book without talking about the controversy of the results. So in the end, when she shows us that as long as you love your children in actions, they are going to be who they are going to be. I expected a book that would tell me the influence that siblings have on us in a more clear manner, but instead the book follows the reality of life – that many small and complex decisions, actions, and events shape us in ways that are entirely unpredictable. Is this book an encourager of determinism?
September 17, 2025
3.5 Stars (rounded up to 4).
A solid book that's well-written and narrated ✔️
An author who clearly cares about the topic at hand ✔️
Broadly interesting case study choices ✔️
BUT...
- As a sociologist, I found myself pretty disappointed in the shallowness of the author's engagement with her subjects' social identities-- especially race. Her analysis should really have gone beyond brief notes on someone being the first 'X' to do something or how specific accomplishments were especially noteworthy for people from 'X' group during a specific time/at a specific place. In immigrant families, generational differences often arise on how best to respond to different kinds of prejudice/discrimination/oppression that different members face.
- The author's focus on (mostly) nuclear families, even if unintentional, ended up painting a pretty narrow picture-- Since the author is clearly a talented writer, I wonder how much richer the book's analysis could have been had they also included multigenerational and/or unconventional family structures.
- Despite discussing the path-dependent nature of sibling success and recognizing the role of 'luck' in many of the stories she shares, the author stopped short of critiquing the broader social myth of meritocracy; something that often shapes books written on parenting.
A solid book that's well-written and narrated ✔️
An author who clearly cares about the topic at hand ✔️
Broadly interesting case study choices ✔️
BUT...
- As a sociologist, I found myself pretty disappointed in the shallowness of the author's engagement with her subjects' social identities-- especially race. Her analysis should really have gone beyond brief notes on someone being the first 'X' to do something or how specific accomplishments were especially noteworthy for people from 'X' group during a specific time/at a specific place. In immigrant families, generational differences often arise on how best to respond to different kinds of prejudice/discrimination/oppression that different members face.
- The author's focus on (mostly) nuclear families, even if unintentional, ended up painting a pretty narrow picture-- Since the author is clearly a talented writer, I wonder how much richer the book's analysis could have been had they also included multigenerational and/or unconventional family structures.
- Despite discussing the path-dependent nature of sibling success and recognizing the role of 'luck' in many of the stories she shares, the author stopped short of critiquing the broader social myth of meritocracy; something that often shapes books written on parenting.
July 6, 2025
Written in an almost Malcolm Gladwell-esque style, I appreciated Dominus's perspective and care with each story. I kinda wish the Asian story wasn't so stereotypical? but it was also kind of amazing, just like all the stories. I even, surprisingly, learned a bit about the Wojikis who I feel have been overexposed in some ways the past decade. As a mom of now a large family, I found a lot of calm and perspective, even around studies I'd read about in the past (ex: maybe saying "I expect you can do this" when giving criticism as feedback works better for lower class people who have been told their whole lives they can't do things). The ending chapter was done beautifully, (spoiler alert?) and in the end I think if you love your kids you are already more than halfway there. I would have also loved to see how she chose her population of families (outside the Brontes), but in the end they ended up being more stories from which she would use as a platform to explain theories or studies that seemed to jive with the examples she gave. Oh, maybe that's how she did it lol.
December 20, 2025
3.5/5.
I like the book provide mix of anecdotes and scientific papers, it gives different perspectives of why some siblings are all high achievers.
By the first couple pages, I was hooked by maybe there is a way to become high achiever OR raising children into high achievers. The more I sunken into the book and stories, I feel more content with my current life. I don’t think I’m willing to endure what needed to be CEO, Olympic gold medalist or any other definition of successful person. Love for people who want that AND the world needs people like that. I absolutely appreciate the book does include the mental and physical health side of those stories instead of blindly telling only the bright side of stories of high achievers.
The book is more aiming for the questions of why pack of siblings could all be good at their respective field. My take is that is both nature and nurture played roles and since they all had good influence from both communities and each others, which leads them to better/ more successful people.
I like the book provide mix of anecdotes and scientific papers, it gives different perspectives of why some siblings are all high achievers.
By the first couple pages, I was hooked by maybe there is a way to become high achiever OR raising children into high achievers. The more I sunken into the book and stories, I feel more content with my current life. I don’t think I’m willing to endure what needed to be CEO, Olympic gold medalist or any other definition of successful person. Love for people who want that AND the world needs people like that. I absolutely appreciate the book does include the mental and physical health side of those stories instead of blindly telling only the bright side of stories of high achievers.
The book is more aiming for the questions of why pack of siblings could all be good at their respective field. My take is that is both nature and nurture played roles and since they all had good influence from both communities and each others, which leads them to better/ more successful people.
August 12, 2025
Interesting review of several families whose parents started with little and raise several children who all became very successful.
The stories were great. I would have loved even more insights and principles to be distilled from the stories, but there were some interesting sections on that.
Also, I would have preferred to see some families in here that didn't come from immigrant or oppressed minority (black in the segregation south). Those situations are dramatic and inspirational, but miss a huge chunk of the population who is lower/middle class and already in the US.
On a personal note, one of the themes of this book is that high success is driven by high anxiety/pressure to please the parents. That method does work and comes with a very high cost. There are other examples (though they are much more rare) of people who succeed for the joy of it and/or for a noble cause.
You don't have to grind your soul to win. That's just one way (and dare I say, the worst way).
The stories were great. I would have loved even more insights and principles to be distilled from the stories, but there were some interesting sections on that.
Also, I would have preferred to see some families in here that didn't come from immigrant or oppressed minority (black in the segregation south). Those situations are dramatic and inspirational, but miss a huge chunk of the population who is lower/middle class and already in the US.
On a personal note, one of the themes of this book is that high success is driven by high anxiety/pressure to please the parents. That method does work and comes with a very high cost. There are other examples (though they are much more rare) of people who succeed for the joy of it and/or for a noble cause.
You don't have to grind your soul to win. That's just one way (and dare I say, the worst way).
November 17, 2025
A well-written and interesting account of how accomplished siblings came to be who they were. I enjoyed the stories overall, and found Dominus to be fairly light-handed when it came to drawing conclusions about whether the parenting in each case was good or bad. It was pretty clear that for many of the siblings, there were negatives (such as a lot of felt pressure and sometimes conditional love) along with positives (feeling driven and motivated to succeed). In the case of some of the stories, such as the Groffs, the kids all seemed amazing with few downsides, and it is hard not to be a little ... perplexed ... at how some people can do so much and be so comparatively outstanding, without much downside.
As a parent, I wasn't able to come to any conclusions about what to do or not to do from the book. It's not written as a parenting guide, so much as anthropology of families with multiple accomplished siblings. Overall I recommend!
As a parent, I wasn't able to come to any conclusions about what to do or not to do from the book. It's not written as a parenting guide, so much as anthropology of families with multiple accomplished siblings. Overall I recommend!
December 12, 2025
I grew up as an only child, but I now have three children of my own. What will these little people turn into as adults? Can I improve their outcomes or will I screw them up if I try too hard? And what will their relationships with each other be?
Susan Dominus’s The Family Dynamic isn’t a how-to parenting guide, but she does provide a lot of anecdotal evidence as to how and why some families have multiple high-achieving children. Dominus focuses intently on a handful of families, but intersperses the book with other research from many, many high achievers. I’m not sure I’m walking away with any other conclusion besides, “huh, yeah, this happens sometimes, and it’s interesting when circumstances conspire to permit it,” but maybe that’s enough. It was an engaging read regardless (and my failure to finish the audiobook on my library loan immediately after it first came out meant I had to wait six months for it to come around again, womp).
Susan Dominus’s The Family Dynamic isn’t a how-to parenting guide, but she does provide a lot of anecdotal evidence as to how and why some families have multiple high-achieving children. Dominus focuses intently on a handful of families, but intersperses the book with other research from many, many high achievers. I’m not sure I’m walking away with any other conclusion besides, “huh, yeah, this happens sometimes, and it’s interesting when circumstances conspire to permit it,” but maybe that’s enough. It was an engaging read regardless (and my failure to finish the audiobook on my library loan immediately after it first came out meant I had to wait six months for it to come around again, womp).
May 6, 2025
Wow is Susan Dominus a great writer. This book is absorbing and insightful and inspiring. I have so many highlights and tabs it looks like a textbook before an exam. So many gems! I have already taken so many thoughtful lessons for my own parenting journey, but it's also brought up some emotional moments for me thinking of my own siblings and the big dreams of youth. The storytelling is so wonderful, I'm so grateful to have such an intimate, empathetic, tender view into these six families and their journeys. This really is a journey into mystery and Dominus is an expert guide (and thanks to her older brother, who originally pushed her to try journalism). The books is a gorgeous exploration, and mediation, on what we can achieve, as part of our families and sometimes, by striking out away from them. Highly recommended.
August 3, 2025
I enjoyed reading about families’ tactics for giving their kids the best opportunities to succeed. The parents would push their kids to excel, and the siblings would push each other too. The chapters with primary source interviews of the families were the most engaging. I loved the chapters about the immigrant families who had to be more creative about how they helped their kids given financial, time, and cultural constraints. The book peters out at the end with the chapter about the Wojcicki sisters which seemed to be gleaned from previously published materials, and also fell flat because it didn’t seem to push as hard into the sibling angle of the family’s success.
I recommend the book if you are curious about how parents create opportunities for their kids, especially if you are raising one yourself.
I recommend the book if you are curious about how parents create opportunities for their kids, especially if you are raising one yourself.
July 10, 2025
This book is even more interesting than I anticipated and it neatly avoids some of the traps that some human development research often leans into. I was faintly leery of the term “success” in the title, but this was so much richer and I especially enjoyed the exploration of how kids influence their siblings. I really enjoyed the family stories; I appreciate that these families shared with the author. None of them are perfect uniformly anything, of course — that is the nuance that is life.
I found this thoroughly engaging: well researched and beautifully told. I loved the rhythm of family stories alternating with conceptually driven sections.
For those who find nonfiction dry, this is anything but that.
I found this thoroughly engaging: well researched and beautifully told. I loved the rhythm of family stories alternating with conceptually driven sections.
For those who find nonfiction dry, this is anything but that.
March 13, 2025
I enjoyed so much about this book. Getting a peek inside other people’s family lives is always fascinating, but there’s something especially interesting about these particular families, whose kids went on to achieve great things. Some of these kids felt pressure; others just felt empowered. This is not a book about “perfect” families or a book that tells you how to raise high-achieving kids—if anything, it’s about the complexities of family life, of sibling rivalry and love, and the complicated nature of success itself. Susan Dominus writes beautifully and I was sad (and also touched) to reach the book’s ending, which is so moving!
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