All the Lonely People

by Sam Carr

In stories of love and loss, of trauma and hope, told from care homes, living rooms, classrooms and kitchens, All the Lonely People is an intimate portrait of loneliness. Over countless cups of tea, psychologist Dr Sam Carr has collected hours of conversations with people young and old, including single parents, carers, teenagers and the bereaved, and found that while each of their stories is utterly unique, they are all born out of the same desire for human connection.

As Carr interweaves these touching and powerful tales with his own personal narrative, he opens a window onto the inner lives of regular people – the forgotten, misplaced or misjudged – who all feel isolated in some way. Sparking a profound conversation about a universal emotion, which may simply be an inevitable part of life, he questions what we can do to build stronger human relationships and be a part of something bigger than ourselves in an increasingly disjointed world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook

256 pages, Hardcover

Published March 28, 2024

Reviews

[Rebecca Logan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this, my first non fiction in a good while however it didn't seem pretentious in any way and the writing was really easy to read and follow.
I really enjoyed the first half of the book and the dive into grief and loneliness, more so because I could relate. I found the book to get a bit repetitive and I felt more disconnected as I read.

It was interesting to read about loneliness and what that means to different people. The authors personal stories add emotion to the book and helped keep me interested.

I did cry a few times reading this.

I received a copy on netgalley in return of an honest review

[Dee Hancocks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Conversations on loneliness is moving and relatable. It provides an intimate portrayal of loneliness, not only are there stories from different people but the author also shares a lot of their own life experiences.
I loved how uniqueness is celebrated but the universal themes come through.
The writing is accessible and you could read it in parts focusing on the individual stories.
Various psychological perspectives are drawn from giving a good discussion and exploration of what loneliness can mean.
An interesting and thought provoking book.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC. This is a voluntary review of my own thoughts.

[Kezia Irene · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short book really got me thinking about all the different kinds of loneliness people go through. It looks at how heartbreak, death, being an outcast, family dynamics, or even single parenthood can make us feel alone. I liked how the author shows that everyone’s story matters, and that just being heard can bring comfort. The idea that everyone experiences loneliness in their own way hit me hard.

The book starts with a really personal story about the author’s grandfather after his wife passed away. Seeing how he struggled and felt so alone set the tone for the whole book. It was heartbreaking but also beautifully written, and it made me appreciate the rest of the stories even more. I did wish there were a few more chapters or interviews to expand on the theme, but even so, I still found the book insightful.

[Camille · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually really enjoyed this

[beth brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did enjoy this book, it just wasn't fully what I expected it to be.

It's beautifully written, and the collection of stories present is so eye-opening, raw, and meaningful. The idea that loneliness is a defining pillar of life, but can present in an almost endless array of unique experiences, was really interesting to me. It's not the feeling of loneliness that is unique, but how it creeps up in each of our life stories.

I do wish, however, that the stories included were a little more varied, to truly show the multitude of ways loneliness can guide our lives. There was a large focus on loneliness as a consequence of a tragic or traumatic event: the death of a partner, childhood trauma, or fleeing their home country.

These stories are so important, and it was eye-opening to be able to experience those stories, but I think the premise of the book being the many shades of loneliness, the stories did not reflect the more nuanced ways loneliness can arise.

Overall, I think the book is empathic and the perfect gateway to understanding and destigmatising loneliness. But, it would have been lovely to read about loneliness in all aspects of life, not just in old age or in relation to an intense trauma.

[Nigel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Briefly - Interesting perspectives on loneliness but maybe not what I thought it might be.

In full
All the Lonely People is a collection of stories of love, loss and loneliness collected by Dr Sam Carr, a psychologist. He would also refer to himself as simply "an academic and a researcher" or a social scientist. He concerns himself with what it is to be human generally. The stories come from people close to him (& from him himself) or people he has interviewed and are generally anonymised other than those of his family.

The book quickly resonated with me when the author says that people's personal stories need to be heard and that in hearing them they feel there is an acknowledgment and comfort - so true. The introduction, before the book starts, has the story of the author's grandpa after the death of his wife of many years. In its way it was deeply personal and I thought it was excellent. The story of his grandfather's deterioration and the loneliness there was powerful and helped set the scene for the books as a whole. The author lived with his grandpa for a while and that was very poignant.

After that the book is divided into four parts. These are Relationships, Invisibility, Escape and Outsiders. This allows the book to cover aspects of loneliness in a more coherent way maybe. The first part has mainly stories of those who are ageing and coping with loss. I guess this part was the one I liked the most in this book overall. The stories are varied and the outcomes are not all happy. Paula's story is an exception to that. After losing her husband 4 years earlier she is starting to move on possibly. Her comment that as a carer she felt "invisible" was interesting in a powerful way. I also enjoyed Peter's story. Having lost his wife he did seem to finding ways to enjoy his life again!

An exception to the aging aspect of the first part is Jake's story. By the age of 10 he has had 7 homes in 5 years and now despairs of finding somewhere settled. I found the way this story gradually resolved both enlightening and wonderful! Within this part and in all the other parts the author has stories from his family. Although some were interesting for me this was not the best part of the book. That said every part of this book held stories that interested me and some were excellent. I could quote from other stories that interested me however discovering the tales is best left to the reader.

In each of the parts there is consideration of aspects of loneliness and the psychology/psychiatry background and thinking behind them. The works of Bowlby and Jung are referred to in this book. This combined with the stories would make me wonder what the target audience is for this book. It feels a bit like a an academic textbook at times, at others more of a personal memoir given the amount of stories from the author's family.

Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review

[Juliano · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The suffering in loneliness is often rooted to a story that has not yet been told, that remains known only to the person themselves. […] What remains unspoken, remains inside us, and, when stories of loneliness are unshared, untold and unexplored, they can make us ache all the more. […] I hope the true stories in this book reinforce the fact that loneliness isn't something that only happens to unfortunate other people. Stories and experiences of loneliness are all around us.” Sam Carr’s vital & incisive All The Lonely People: Conversations on Loneliness is what it purports to be and more, weaving conversations with everyday lonely people into personal stories about his childhood, his parents, grandparents, son, partner, and more. It is fearless in its ability to look inwards, and endlessly generous in how it looks out. There are some standout chapters, like the emotive ‘Zak and the Miracle in the Kitchen’ and the strangely visceral-yet-gentle account of his uncle’s suicide, ‘The End of Hurdleditch Road’; ‘Snow White’s Cottage’ and ‘Lost, Despite the Map’ also resound long after reading. From Jung to attachment wounds, this psychology-influenced book is a kind of “Dulux colour chart” of loneliness, as Carr has it. Like Olivia Laing’s The Lonely City before it, it has so much to say about a topic that everyone knows about and so few talk or want to think about, and does so brilliantly. And it is above all a truly hopeful book, as much about the connections formed in learning about loneliness as it is the thing itself. It’s coming out tomorrow and I’m very grateful as ever to Picador for the proof!

[Maureen Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. If you’re the sensitive introspective type, this book is for you. There were certain stories of loneliness that really resonated with me because I had felt those same emotions before. I shed a few tears throughout the chapters.

The author reassures you that these feelings are a part of a human existence and that loneliness isn’t something that needs to be addressed with anti depressants or distractions.

At times, the passages were difficult to read because they were quite sad but usually there was a silver lining offering hope. Although I don’t believe in wallowing in pity or victimizing oneself - i think these antidotes were about something deeper than that.

I can sense from the writing, that the author is a genuinely kind human being and that he cares about the experience of others. I aspire to be that kind of person too.

[Nicholas Tsui · Rating 3 out of 5]

A relatively short book that touches on different types of loneliness people faced based on their roles and circumstances that unfolded (i.e. heartbreak, death, outcast, family, single parent) etc. I think it did a good job in bringing out the theme that everyone is bound to feel lonely in their own way. It helped me in empathising and also thinking about what kind of loneliness my friends and loved ones were/are facing in their own manners. Short stories are usually easier to digest and it fits the form due to nature of interviewing different people. Would be nice if the author had written more chapters or interviewed more people but overall an enjoyable read. Insightful in the sense that I am reminded on the various types of loneliness but that’s it

[Leslie Yong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, I just finished this book “All The Lonely People” by Sam Carr

This is an honest book truly written by the author from his collection of interviews with people from all walks of lives but facing one common human misery of loneliness. The author collected hours of conversation with people of all ages who shared their stories of hope, traumas, love and loss, neglect, and all borne out of the same missing human connection.

Reading this book can open us out to an understanding of a most profound neglected aspect of human existence- of loneliness faced by multitude of people still in existence in all parts of the world.

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure what I was expecting from "All the Lonely People", but whatever it was it wasn't what I got. Some of the stories shared in this book are really hard to read and actually strengthened my own feelings of loneliness and isolation. The stories are presented well, but I'm left wondering what the point of the book actually is. Grim reading with no light at the end of the tunnel.

My thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley. This review was written voluntarily and is entirely my own, unbiased, opinion.

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found it easy to follow and really eye-opening. It makes you realise just how much loneliness there is in the world and how it can happen at any point in life. The real-life stories were incredibly sad but powerful to read. It also shows how loneliness isn’t always obvious, you can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. The part about dementia was especially heartbreaking; I can’t imagine losing someone mentally while they’re still physically there. It’s a sad but important read that reminds you to truly connect with the people around you while you still have the chance.

[Genevieve · Rating 4 out of 5]

For some reason, this author keeps quoting David Foster Wallace. I do like Wallace’s writings myself but by the third or fourth time I was wondering if Wallace was really such an authority on loneliness that he needed so much airtime. Overall I did like the way the book meandered through autobiography and people the author talked to, and also the academic explorations. And now to read a David Foster Wallace essay…. 😂

[Elf · Rating 4 out of 5]

All the Lonely People by Dr. Sam Carr is a deep dive into loneliness and its effects on people. It’s full of insight and empathy, offering a fresh perspective on something many of us experience but rarely talk about.

Honestly, though, I struggled to get through it consistently. It’s a moving read, but sometimes the sadness made it tough to keep going. Still, it’s definitely worth a read if you’re curious about the impact of loneliness—it’ll really make you think.

[Deb Kingston · Rating 4 out of 5]

All the Lonely People, Conversations on Loneliness is a well written true and empathic account of the author’s life and research and the value of listening to other’s stories.

A Non Fiction book of different stories on love and loss that can lead to feelings of loneliness told from communities like care homes, classrooms with plenty of people around to living rooms and isolation caused by immigration, bereavement or just being different in an increasingly disjointed world.

[Caitlin Veal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really accessible introduction to some psychological ideas. This book is written in a really engaging and fluid way - so much so that I finished it in just 2 days!

Touching and raw accounts of loneliness that really resonate. Prompted a lot of introspection around the different ways loneliness can manifest throughout our lives dependant on a vast range of different circumstances.

[Neil M · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a cracking book. I really enjoyed it, sometimes non-fiction books can be a bit tough but this was so engaging, interesting and powerful. I highly recommend it, especially to anyone who is interested in people and how they live facing things like loneliness.

[Summer Keys · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love nonfiction books where the author weaves parts of their own story in with chapters on whatever subject matter it is they’re exploring, and this is no exception. Fascinating, easy to read, and I appreciated Dr Sam’s honesty and clarity about his own experiences. The book made me feel slightly less lonely, which I’m very grateful for ☺️

[Joanne Shaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was more stories than advice.

[M.J. Camilleri · Rating 4 out of 5]

A small collection of human stories - varied, touching, and often recognisable - which all have loneliness at their core.

Around half of these human mini-dramas come from the author's academic research in the field (on studies like 'The Loneliness Project'), where he sat down with people, often old or migrant, and helped them tell their version of loneliness. I imagine it was therapeutic for them, and it certainly makes for thoughtful reading.

The other half of this book takes the form of a memoir, as Carr bares all about various difficult points in his life, which in retrospect he now realises were either moments of loneliness for him, or else must have been so for certain loved ones (his father, ex-partner, colleagues, and even son).

As the stories are woven together, a small glimpse appears of just how different loneliness can be for different people, and how it's not just the typical cinematic loneliness that we know so well.

I wished there were more of these stories, and I found myself wanting more when the book ended. Not in some 'misery-porn' sort of way, but because I hope that stories like these will help me be a more empathic person, and help me spot loneliness (even in myself), when it becomes a problem.

[Jackie Chernesky · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ first half reads more like a educational book and the last half more memoir. All stories on loneliness were thought provoking and interesting.