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Rules for Ghosting
Rule #1: They can't speak.
Rule #2: They can't move.
Rule #3: They can't hurt you.
Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which made growing up in a funeral home complicated. To save his family's failing funeral home—and his own chance at a queer love story—a reluctant clairvoyant must embrace the gift he long ignored in this poignant and tender debut.
It might have been easier if his grandfather’s ghost didn’t give him scathing looks of disapproval as he went through a second, HRT-induced puberty, or if he didn’t have the pressure of all those relatives—living and dead—judging every choice he makes. It’s no wonder that Ezra runs as far away from the family business as humanly possible.
But when the floor of his dream job drops out from under him and his mother uses the family Passover seder to tell everyone she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it. With his parents’ marriage imploding and the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel on the brink of financial ruin, Ezra agrees to step into his mother’s shoes and help out . . . which means long days surrounded by ghosts that no one else can see.
And then there’s his unfortunate crush on Jonathan, the handsome funeral home volunteer . . . who just happens to live downstairs from Ezra’s new apartment . . . and the appearance of the ghost of Jonathan’s gone-too-soon husband, Ben, who is breaking every spectral rule that Ezra knows.
Because Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he realizes that there’s more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.
Rule #2: They can't move.
Rule #3: They can't hurt you.
Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which made growing up in a funeral home complicated. To save his family's failing funeral home—and his own chance at a queer love story—a reluctant clairvoyant must embrace the gift he long ignored in this poignant and tender debut.
It might have been easier if his grandfather’s ghost didn’t give him scathing looks of disapproval as he went through a second, HRT-induced puberty, or if he didn’t have the pressure of all those relatives—living and dead—judging every choice he makes. It’s no wonder that Ezra runs as far away from the family business as humanly possible.
But when the floor of his dream job drops out from under him and his mother uses the family Passover seder to tell everyone she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife, Ezra finds himself back in the thick of it. With his parents’ marriage imploding and the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel on the brink of financial ruin, Ezra agrees to step into his mother’s shoes and help out . . . which means long days surrounded by ghosts that no one else can see.
And then there’s his unfortunate crush on Jonathan, the handsome funeral home volunteer . . . who just happens to live downstairs from Ezra’s new apartment . . . and the appearance of the ghost of Jonathan’s gone-too-soon husband, Ben, who is breaking every spectral rule that Ezra knows.
Because Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he realizes that there’s more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.
400 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 20, 2024
298 people are currently reading
23035 people want to read
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December 2, 2024
In a Nutshell: The title and the cover are awesome, but they don’t suit the content. This book is more about human issues than about paranormal entities. Too many characters, too many themes, too many traumatic events, too few “ghostly” vibes, too convenient in the flow. Great inclusivity but even that goes a step too far. Basically, it tries too hard to deliver and hence falls somewhat flat. Might work better as a family drama.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plot Preview:
As you can see, there’s way too much happening in this book. Therein lies its undoing.
Bookish Yays:
👻 The sibling relationship among Aaron, Ezra and Becca, as well as the friendship between Ezra and his friends and roommates – a great depiction of closeness, support, and leg-pulling. Some of their banter comes through text messages – I wish there had been more of this.
👻 The Jewish rep, especially in terms of death rituals - quite enlightening. I was surprised to see how inclusive some Jews are about nonbinary identities performing gender-based rituals. (This was confirmed by the author’s note.) Respect!
👻 Not all the characters come in picture-perfect fictional bodies. Love the variety and the realism!
👻 Sappho the dog – as wonderful as dogs always are. (I must add, using a photo in the book to represent Sappho was a great idea, but that was NOT how I had pictured Sappho in my head!)
Bookish Mixed Bags:
🎃 The title (with all those little Halloween-y elements on the cover) grabs the potential reader’s eye instantly. Then again, it also makes the reader believe that ghosts or ghosting would be the centre of this story. Incorrect! So it is a very misleading title.
🎃 The prologue, which establishes how little Ezra learns two things: that he wants to be a boy, and that he's psychic. A great start with a momentum that continues well until the seder with the big announcement. But one big gap in the information: if the prologue was set twenty years ago and seven-year-old “Ezra”, still a girl to “his” family, knew that “he” much preferred to be a boy, how come “his” name was Ezra (a traditional masculine Jewish name)? The dialogues cleverly circumvent his actual name through the use of endearments, but I’d have loved to know how “Ezra” decided that “he” wanted to be called Ezra.
Bookish Nays:
⚰️ Ezra and his narration – so very frustrating. He has a poor self-esteem, which causes him to get lost into his head for introspecting multiple times. Somehow, his narration gives off YA vibes, through he isn’t in that age group.
⚰️ The blurb reveals a lot, and for a change, so does my plot preview. I had to break my rule of not going beyond the first 10-15% for the preview because there is hardly anything happening until well into the book. It is a very slow-moving storyline with barely any substance. This would have been okay had the book been character-driven, but it is a mix of character and plot, with too much of the former and not enough of the latter.
⚰️ Imagine the main character being Jewish, queer, FTM trans (who is still transitioning), bisexual, psychic, a yoga teacher, a birth doula, dealing with body dysmorphia AND having a major crush on a colleague who isn't available – all at once! It is too much for a single character arc.
⚰️ Further, there are so many minority representations. There’s the lesbian mom who elopes with the rabbi’s wife, one ace character, one MTF trans character, one trans who is pregnant by choice,... Plus, Ezra’s roommates are from various BIPOC backgrounds, including one Indian whose ethnic identity stays unclear until it is explicitly brought up and then forgotten again for the rest of the book. None of these characters’ identities are explored in detail. We just get their labels. I accept that books must be inclusive, but couldn’t some points have been kept in reserve for the author’s next novel?! It shouldn’t feel like a checklist is being ticked.
⚰️ As if all this wasn’t enough, we even have a horde of external traumatic events such as the financial struggles of a family business, the forced corporatisation of small businesses, the ghostly appearances, and a few more events (not going into these as they are major spoilers!) that create further challenges in Ezra’s life. All this is too much for a single book. I didn’t even need to look at the author’s bio to know that this was a debut work – I guessed it at the 10% mark itself. That infamous kitchen sink (which I have so often mentioned in my reviews of debut novels) is cluttered to the brim in this novel.
⚰️ I had grabbed this mainly for the ghosts. But the ghosts have only minimal importance in this novel. Except for two ghosts, the others get blink-and-you-miss-them appearances.
⚰️ With a main character who is transitioning from female to male, I’d have expected at least some part of the book to focus on the emotional upheaval of being born with the wrong body. But there’s zilch about this. In childhood, Ezra knows that “he” wants to be a boy, and in adulthood, he is a man with some surgeries still pending. That’s all we get.
⚰️ I couldn’t feel connected to any of the characters, not even to Ezra who is the primary narrator. Somehow, we see a lot of their actions, but their feelings come across as surface-level, even when the topics are intense. Difficult conversations never happen on page, or just, never happen.
⚰️ Many of the plot developments are overly convenient. The most obvious one is how Ben, Jonathan’s late husband, is the only ghost who can speak to Ezra. Why? No idea! Just because the plot wants/needs it that way. Too easy and not at all convincing. This also happens with character development, where the secondary characters have the *second* qualification/profession required at that point of the story.
⚰️ The romance is so awkward! Jonathan is shown mourning, even crying for his late husband who died a year ago. Ezra even knows that Jonathan still wears his wedding ring. Yet, he doesn’t stop lusting after him. Worse, Jonathan’s feelings swing almost instantaneously, though he still keeps proclaiming Ben to be his true love, until we learn that there’s more to this than previously mentioned. It all feels too quick and smooth to be appealing.
All in all, the concept of the book was good, but the execution needed a lot more finetuning. With so many themes and characters, it is way too messy. It might have worked far better had it focussed on a few core themes and delved deeper into those. In its current state, it is akin to taking a one-day tour covering fifty locations; you get a bit of everything and an in-depth feel of nothing.
Not for me. It might work better with those looking for a family drama with mildly paranormal, albeit non-spooky, vibes.
2 stars, mainly for the rep and the Jewish traditions.
My thanks to Random House Publishing Group – Ballantine for providing the DRC of “Rules for Ghosting” via NetGalley. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book. Sorry this didn’t work out better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || X/Twitter || Facebook ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plot Preview:
Ezra Friedman has been seeing ghosts since his childhood. This makes his work in the family-run funeral home complicated. It’s not like Ezra doesn’t have other challenges in his life as a trans + bisexual Jew who works as a birth doula. On top of it all, his mom announces during a family seder that she’s been a closet lesbian and is now eloping with the rabbi’s wife. As the funeral home has no one else to handle what his mom used to, Ezra has to step in and help out with the accounts.
After all these years, Ezra thinks he knows the ways of ghosts. So when one ghost suddenly breaks the rules by talking to Ezra and appearing in multiple locations, Ezra doesn’t understand what’s happening. Things are further complicated when Ezra discovers that the ghost happened to be the late husband of Ezra’s crush, Jonathan who works at the funeral home as a volunteer.
The story comes to us in Ezra’s third-person perspective.
As you can see, there’s way too much happening in this book. Therein lies its undoing.
Bookish Yays:
👻 The sibling relationship among Aaron, Ezra and Becca, as well as the friendship between Ezra and his friends and roommates – a great depiction of closeness, support, and leg-pulling. Some of their banter comes through text messages – I wish there had been more of this.
👻 The Jewish rep, especially in terms of death rituals - quite enlightening. I was surprised to see how inclusive some Jews are about nonbinary identities performing gender-based rituals. (This was confirmed by the author’s note.) Respect!
👻 Not all the characters come in picture-perfect fictional bodies. Love the variety and the realism!
👻 Sappho the dog – as wonderful as dogs always are. (I must add, using a photo in the book to represent Sappho was a great idea, but that was NOT how I had pictured Sappho in my head!)
Bookish Mixed Bags:
🎃 The title (with all those little Halloween-y elements on the cover) grabs the potential reader’s eye instantly. Then again, it also makes the reader believe that ghosts or ghosting would be the centre of this story. Incorrect! So it is a very misleading title.
🎃 The prologue, which establishes how little Ezra learns two things: that he wants to be a boy, and that he's psychic. A great start with a momentum that continues well until the seder with the big announcement. But one big gap in the information: if the prologue was set twenty years ago and seven-year-old “Ezra”, still a girl to “his” family, knew that “he” much preferred to be a boy, how come “his” name was Ezra (a traditional masculine Jewish name)? The dialogues cleverly circumvent his actual name through the use of endearments, but I’d have loved to know how “Ezra” decided that “he” wanted to be called Ezra.
Bookish Nays:
⚰️ Ezra and his narration – so very frustrating. He has a poor self-esteem, which causes him to get lost into his head for introspecting multiple times. Somehow, his narration gives off YA vibes, through he isn’t in that age group.
⚰️ The blurb reveals a lot, and for a change, so does my plot preview. I had to break my rule of not going beyond the first 10-15% for the preview because there is hardly anything happening until well into the book. It is a very slow-moving storyline with barely any substance. This would have been okay had the book been character-driven, but it is a mix of character and plot, with too much of the former and not enough of the latter.
⚰️ Imagine the main character being Jewish, queer, FTM trans (who is still transitioning), bisexual, psychic, a yoga teacher, a birth doula, dealing with body dysmorphia AND having a major crush on a colleague who isn't available – all at once! It is too much for a single character arc.
⚰️ Further, there are so many minority representations. There’s the lesbian mom who elopes with the rabbi’s wife, one ace character, one MTF trans character, one trans who is pregnant by choice,... Plus, Ezra’s roommates are from various BIPOC backgrounds, including one Indian whose ethnic identity stays unclear until it is explicitly brought up and then forgotten again for the rest of the book. None of these characters’ identities are explored in detail. We just get their labels. I accept that books must be inclusive, but couldn’t some points have been kept in reserve for the author’s next novel?! It shouldn’t feel like a checklist is being ticked.
⚰️ As if all this wasn’t enough, we even have a horde of external traumatic events such as the financial struggles of a family business, the forced corporatisation of small businesses, the ghostly appearances, and a few more events (not going into these as they are major spoilers!) that create further challenges in Ezra’s life. All this is too much for a single book. I didn’t even need to look at the author’s bio to know that this was a debut work – I guessed it at the 10% mark itself. That infamous kitchen sink (which I have so often mentioned in my reviews of debut novels) is cluttered to the brim in this novel.
⚰️ I had grabbed this mainly for the ghosts. But the ghosts have only minimal importance in this novel. Except for two ghosts, the others get blink-and-you-miss-them appearances.
⚰️ With a main character who is transitioning from female to male, I’d have expected at least some part of the book to focus on the emotional upheaval of being born with the wrong body. But there’s zilch about this. In childhood, Ezra knows that “he” wants to be a boy, and in adulthood, he is a man with some surgeries still pending. That’s all we get.
⚰️ I couldn’t feel connected to any of the characters, not even to Ezra who is the primary narrator. Somehow, we see a lot of their actions, but their feelings come across as surface-level, even when the topics are intense. Difficult conversations never happen on page, or just, never happen.
⚰️ Many of the plot developments are overly convenient. The most obvious one is how Ben, Jonathan’s late husband, is the only ghost who can speak to Ezra. Why? No idea! Just because the plot wants/needs it that way. Too easy and not at all convincing. This also happens with character development, where the secondary characters have the *second* qualification/profession required at that point of the story.
⚰️ The romance is so awkward! Jonathan is shown mourning, even crying for his late husband who died a year ago. Ezra even knows that Jonathan still wears his wedding ring. Yet, he doesn’t stop lusting after him. Worse, Jonathan’s feelings swing almost instantaneously, though he still keeps proclaiming Ben to be his true love, until we learn that there’s more to this than previously mentioned. It all feels too quick and smooth to be appealing.
All in all, the concept of the book was good, but the execution needed a lot more finetuning. With so many themes and characters, it is way too messy. It might have worked far better had it focussed on a few core themes and delved deeper into those. In its current state, it is akin to taking a one-day tour covering fifty locations; you get a bit of everything and an in-depth feel of nothing.
Not for me. It might work better with those looking for a family drama with mildly paranormal, albeit non-spooky, vibes.
2 stars, mainly for the rep and the Jewish traditions.
My thanks to Random House Publishing Group – Ballantine for providing the DRC of “Rules for Ghosting” via NetGalley. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book. Sorry this didn’t work out better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || X/Twitter || Facebook ||
Read
December 9, 2024Absolutely terrific romance set in a Jewish funeral home. (This is the second funeral home romance I've read in a week, and also my life.) Ezra is trans, queer, Jewish, anxious, a chronic middle child, and psychic: he sees ghosts, which is obviously non ideal when your family funs a funeral home.
It's not paranormal-paranormal, in that there's no scares and no monsters. Rather, the ghosts are an explicit version of the real theme of this book, which is dealing with the things that haunt you. (In particular, Ezra can both see and speak to the dead husband of his LI, Jonathan.) There are a lot of relationships that didn't work out in this book, and one of its many marvellous qualities is an ability to sit with that--to be clear-sighted about break-ups and fault and flaws, to look at the ways people can be strong and kind and also petty and scared, to acknowledge that you can't fix other people and they can't fix you but we still need to be kind about it.
It's terrifically well written with lovely descriptions and voice. (I knew nothing about Jewish funeral traditions but it's all explained in a way that's accessible to the ignorant without being educational.)
I'd say it's probably 65% about Ezra's family, 35% romance, so Jonathan isn't an equal protagonist, but that didn't bother me at all. I was absolutely engaged with Ezra's life, loved the voice, was entirely hooked on the whole story. It's wildly readable, humane, funny, sad in the right way, and kind. Recommended without reservation.
It's not paranormal-paranormal, in that there's no scares and no monsters. Rather, the ghosts are an explicit version of the real theme of this book, which is dealing with the things that haunt you. (In particular, Ezra can both see and speak to the dead husband of his LI, Jonathan.) There are a lot of relationships that didn't work out in this book, and one of its many marvellous qualities is an ability to sit with that--to be clear-sighted about break-ups and fault and flaws, to look at the ways people can be strong and kind and also petty and scared, to acknowledge that you can't fix other people and they can't fix you but we still need to be kind about it.
It's terrifically well written with lovely descriptions and voice. (I knew nothing about Jewish funeral traditions but it's all explained in a way that's accessible to the ignorant without being educational.)
I'd say it's probably 65% about Ezra's family, 35% romance, so Jonathan isn't an equal protagonist, but that didn't bother me at all. I was absolutely engaged with Ezra's life, loved the voice, was entirely hooked on the whole story. It's wildly readable, humane, funny, sad in the right way, and kind. Recommended without reservation.
June 12, 2024
When I found out Anita Kelly blurbed this debut, I knew I had to read it. Rules for Ghosting is about the thin line between celebrating life and saying goodbye to loved ones and how grief and love impact us. It’s tender and witty with a pinch of You Should Be So Lucky and a nip of The Prospects, supplemented with caring ghosts.
The first page immediately pulled me in, and from that moment, I wanted to read on and on and on. Rules for Ghosting is one of those stories that made me laugh out loud, softly cry, and laugh-cry in between. It’s about seeing ghosts, but please don’t push away this book if you usually don’t like paranormal or ghost stories. This one simply reads as a contemporary romance. It IS a contemporary romance—a hilarious and, at the same time, moving one.
Shelley Jay Shore delivers vibrant writing (in fanfic form, third person-present tense), and the cast of main and secondary characters is just top-notch. I loved Ezra from the moment I met him as a six-year-old, and Jonathan, kind Jonathan, was so, so sweet. And I shouldn’t forget Ben. The way he opened up to Ezra when Ezra and Jonathan kissed for the first time … I wanted to hug him so badly, but you can’t hug ghosts 😂. I liked the first part of the story, but the second part? I fell head over heels in love. That romance was so incredibly …, and Ben, I can’t get over Ben …
Last, but definitely not least, I need to mention that this story is imbued with Jewish customs surrounding death and that these were so beautifully shown and made so inclusive.
Actual rating 4.5 stars.
Thank you so much, Random House Publishing Group/Ballantine and NetGalley, for this adorable ARC!
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The first page immediately pulled me in, and from that moment, I wanted to read on and on and on. Rules for Ghosting is one of those stories that made me laugh out loud, softly cry, and laugh-cry in between. It’s about seeing ghosts, but please don’t push away this book if you usually don’t like paranormal or ghost stories. This one simply reads as a contemporary romance. It IS a contemporary romance—a hilarious and, at the same time, moving one.
Shelley Jay Shore delivers vibrant writing (in fanfic form, third person-present tense), and the cast of main and secondary characters is just top-notch. I loved Ezra from the moment I met him as a six-year-old, and Jonathan, kind Jonathan, was so, so sweet. And I shouldn’t forget Ben. The way he opened up to Ezra when Ezra and Jonathan kissed for the first time … I wanted to hug him so badly, but you can’t hug ghosts 😂. I liked the first part of the story, but the second part? I fell head over heels in love. That romance was so incredibly …, and Ben, I can’t get over Ben …
Last, but definitely not least, I need to mention that this story is imbued with Jewish customs surrounding death and that these were so beautifully shown and made so inclusive.
Actual rating 4.5 stars.
Thank you so much, Random House Publishing Group/Ballantine and NetGalley, for this adorable ARC!
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August 28, 2024
3 Stars
One Liner: An under-baked cake smothered in icing
Ezra Friedman’s family owned the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel, which made it hard for him as he saw ghosts. The ghosts (dead ones and personal) made him leave his home to make a new life. Being a trans male with unprocessed trauma was hard enough.
However, Ezra meets a ghost who defies all the rules he has understood about them. It doesn’t help that the ghost is Ben, the dead husband of Jonathan, a part-time volunteer at the Chapel and Ezra’s new neighbor. Ezra needs to face his trauma instead of avoiding it if he wants a chance with Jonathan. Can he do it?
The story comes in Ezra’s third-person POV.
My Thoughts:
So… I fell in love with that wonderful cover. The mention of a funeral home and its ghosts was enough for me to request the book. I went into it hoping for an entertaining paranormal romance. Unfortunately, I got a slow-paced family drama with meandering narration.
This is a debut book (from what I see on Goodreads) and reads like one. There’s no denying that it deals with some important themes. But it should have been marketed as an intense read, not lighthearted. (You see me use the word trauma twice in my summary. I’d have appreciated it if the official blurb said it at least once)
The rep is terrific. There are several queer characters in the book. Some of them have been wasted, though. It would have been better with just one or two of them present and well-fleshed out than a blurry of names.
I love the found family trope and hoped it would be prominent when we were introduced to a bunch of housemates at once. While they do play a small part, I felt the potential has been wasted in too much monologue and heavy exposition. It gets lost in the drama of the existing family.
This is a book about a sort of dysfunctional family. However, the members clearly love each other. Communication is a big issue, but otherwise, it’s not horrible. The focus is so much on family drama and the MC’s response (or the lack of it) that it doesn’t leave space for anything else.
Jonathan is a lovely guy, human and flawed obviously, but also someone with a beautiful heart. Ben, despite being a ghost, shines better than some other characters.
The Jewish rep and the details of the rituals were great to read. I learned a lot about their funeral practices, so that’s well done.
I really wish the ghostly aspects were more prominent in the story. I wanted to see the MC explore his talents. Without ghosts, the story wouldn’t be much different. Also, it was too easy with Ben being a talking ghost and all.
The narration is super slow. I zoned out whenever the MC spaced out. Yeah, not assuring! Readers who enjoy such kind of meandering narration will like this book more. IMO, I’d have loved it if it was 30-50 pages shorter. The first half could have benefitted from toning with surgical precision.
The author calls this a family drama with ghosts, queer rep, romance, and humor in the interview at the end. The book was intended to be a family drama. It should have stuck to that aspect (along with the queer rep, of course). There really isn’t much of the dark humor I was expecting. The whole book is heavy and exhausting, unlike the cover, which is vibrant and cheerful. Anyway, thank you for not finalizing the version with the ‘twist’.
To summarize, Rules for Ghosting is the story of a family that finally learns to communicate properly and an MC who realizes his self-worth after a lot of monologues. I think the book needed a ruthless editor for the main plot to stand out and shine. Right now, it is, unfortunately, a kitchen sink.
Thank you, NetGalley and Ramdon House Books (Ballantine | Dell), for eARC. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.
#NetGalley #RulesForGhosting
One Liner: An under-baked cake smothered in icing
Ezra Friedman’s family owned the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel, which made it hard for him as he saw ghosts. The ghosts (dead ones and personal) made him leave his home to make a new life. Being a trans male with unprocessed trauma was hard enough.
However, Ezra meets a ghost who defies all the rules he has understood about them. It doesn’t help that the ghost is Ben, the dead husband of Jonathan, a part-time volunteer at the Chapel and Ezra’s new neighbor. Ezra needs to face his trauma instead of avoiding it if he wants a chance with Jonathan. Can he do it?
The story comes in Ezra’s third-person POV.
My Thoughts:
So… I fell in love with that wonderful cover. The mention of a funeral home and its ghosts was enough for me to request the book. I went into it hoping for an entertaining paranormal romance. Unfortunately, I got a slow-paced family drama with meandering narration.
This is a debut book (from what I see on Goodreads) and reads like one. There’s no denying that it deals with some important themes. But it should have been marketed as an intense read, not lighthearted. (You see me use the word trauma twice in my summary. I’d have appreciated it if the official blurb said it at least once)
The rep is terrific. There are several queer characters in the book. Some of them have been wasted, though. It would have been better with just one or two of them present and well-fleshed out than a blurry of names.
I love the found family trope and hoped it would be prominent when we were introduced to a bunch of housemates at once. While they do play a small part, I felt the potential has been wasted in too much monologue and heavy exposition. It gets lost in the drama of the existing family.
This is a book about a sort of dysfunctional family. However, the members clearly love each other. Communication is a big issue, but otherwise, it’s not horrible. The focus is so much on family drama and the MC’s response (or the lack of it) that it doesn’t leave space for anything else.
Jonathan is a lovely guy, human and flawed obviously, but also someone with a beautiful heart. Ben, despite being a ghost, shines better than some other characters.
The Jewish rep and the details of the rituals were great to read. I learned a lot about their funeral practices, so that’s well done.
I really wish the ghostly aspects were more prominent in the story. I wanted to see the MC explore his talents. Without ghosts, the story wouldn’t be much different. Also, it was too easy with Ben being a talking ghost and all.
The narration is super slow. I zoned out whenever the MC spaced out. Yeah, not assuring! Readers who enjoy such kind of meandering narration will like this book more. IMO, I’d have loved it if it was 30-50 pages shorter. The first half could have benefitted from toning with surgical precision.
The author calls this a family drama with ghosts, queer rep, romance, and humor in the interview at the end. The book was intended to be a family drama. It should have stuck to that aspect (along with the queer rep, of course). There really isn’t much of the dark humor I was expecting. The whole book is heavy and exhausting, unlike the cover, which is vibrant and cheerful. Anyway, thank you for not finalizing the version with the ‘twist’.
To summarize, Rules for Ghosting is the story of a family that finally learns to communicate properly and an MC who realizes his self-worth after a lot of monologues. I think the book needed a ruthless editor for the main plot to stand out and shine. Right now, it is, unfortunately, a kitchen sink.
Thank you, NetGalley and Ramdon House Books (Ballantine | Dell), for eARC. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.
#NetGalley #RulesForGhosting
August 16, 2024
Set in a Jewish family and community, Rules of Ghost is a humorous, touching, and incredibly charming blend of romance and ghost story. This remarkable book delves into loss, mortality, romantic relationships, the difficulties and demands of being the eldest daughter, and the existence of ghosts.
This novel has such wonderful characters, and Ezra really won my heart. I felt the relationship between Ezra and Jonathan was adorable, and I loved learning about the specifics of Ezra's family. And as a non-Jew, I also enjoyed learning more about Jewish traditions and festivals from this book.
The presence of ghosts in the story enhanced its charm. The way that mourning was handled and the spirits' involvement was wonderful, and it was good to watch how Jon and Ezra became closer and more understanding of one another. Additionally, every turn and twist was incredibly fascinating and even surprising in the greatest manner possible.
I believe that a wide range of readers would find this book to be insightful, endearing, fascinating, humorous, and even a little foolish. The concept of losing who you are and bearing the weight of others was addressed in an original manner.
Considering that this is Shelly Jay Shore's debut book, I am really impressed. I can't wait to read more books by this author.
This novel has such wonderful characters, and Ezra really won my heart. I felt the relationship between Ezra and Jonathan was adorable, and I loved learning about the specifics of Ezra's family. And as a non-Jew, I also enjoyed learning more about Jewish traditions and festivals from this book.
The presence of ghosts in the story enhanced its charm. The way that mourning was handled and the spirits' involvement was wonderful, and it was good to watch how Jon and Ezra became closer and more understanding of one another. Additionally, every turn and twist was incredibly fascinating and even surprising in the greatest manner possible.
I believe that a wide range of readers would find this book to be insightful, endearing, fascinating, humorous, and even a little foolish. The concept of losing who you are and bearing the weight of others was addressed in an original manner.
Considering that this is Shelly Jay Shore's debut book, I am really impressed. I can't wait to read more books by this author.
August 16, 2024
I was looking for a good ghost story and this one sounded like it had an interesting storyline and some great characters. While I can't say it was a good ghost story, I did like some of the characters. The book summary introduces the different storylines going on in this story and there is a lot going on too. We have the MC, Ezra, who has been seeing ghosts for most of his life. He’s still hung up on his ex, Ollie, who lives in the unit above him, when he meets Jonathan who lives in the unit below him. Jonathan is still mourning his recently deceased hubby, Ben. There is also Ezra’s family, who are Jewish, and who run a funeral home, which is where Ezra sees most of the ghosts.
The story starts with a seven-year-old Ezra, who hates wearing dresses and wants to wear pants like his brother, Aaron. Ezra already has hopes and dreams of becoming a boy as well (it isn’t until he’s a teenager that he decides he wants to transition). It’s here, in the funeral home, that Ezra’s Zayde (grandfather) died and Ezra first sees him. Fast forward 20yrs and Zayde still haunts Ezra – literally! Ezra, and his adorable Pittie, Sappho, move into his new apartment (recommended by Ollie), already occupied with roommates, Lily and Nathan and where he meets Jonathan.
As if this story didn’t already have a lot going on, during a Passover seder with the family and guests, Rabbi Isaac and his wife Judy, that Ezra’s mother and Judy announce that they have been having an affair for years and that they are leaving their respective husbands. Because Ezra’s mom helped run the funeral home, Ezra steps up to help the family by stepping into his mom’s job, which he hates. Ezra prefers to work with the living like being a birth doula instead of the dead, and he especially hates the ghosts that roam the halls of the funeral home.
There is one particular ghost, Ben, Jonathan’s late husband (and the Rabbi’s and Judy’s son), who doesn’t seem to be sticking to the rules of ghosting, which are:
Rule #1: They can't speak.
Rule #2: They can't move.
Rule #3: They can't hurt you.
However, even Ben seems pretty clueless as to why he’s haunting Ezra. However, he does impart on Ezra some secrets he never shared with Jonathan. A whole new storyline regarding Ezra's family and the funeral home is revealed in the second half that was kind of interesting and certainly added some redeeming factors to the overall story.
This was a story of love and loss, of grieving for not only the dead, but the death of fantasies and secrets. It’s a story of acceptance of loved ones in spite of their flaws and mistakes as well as one’s own flaws and mistakes. It’s about the courage and strength of moving on as well as becoming who you are and want to be, no matter what. I’m not sure I would call this a ghost story (in spite of the title) because the ghosts didn’t seem to play a prominent role in the story, other than Ben, whose didn’t really play much of a role until the second half. It’s more of a domestic drama and a love story.
Shore spent A LOT of time in Ezra’s head, so the reader got to witness pretty much every thought and emotion that passed through his brain. The characterization was ok for most of the other MC’s; I would have liked a little more development on Jonathan and Ben or some of the ensemble characters. That might have added some much-needed interest in the story. The pacing was slow, a bit of a snoozer, as in it was actually putting me to sleep. If it hadn’t been a NetGalley book, I probably would have DNFed it in the first half. Fortunately, the second half got a tad better. The story and writing were ok, and I did like the ending, mostly for finally getting to it. I’m looking at an overall rating of 2.8 that I will be rounding up to a 3star rating.
At first, I thought that maybe I allowed myself to get sucked in by a catchy title (that does happen from time to time) because I really do love a good ghost story. However, I would not label this as a good ghost story. I want to thank NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine for sending me this eARC in exchange for my honest review.
#NetGalley #RandomHousePublishingGroupBallantine #RulesforGhosting
The story starts with a seven-year-old Ezra, who hates wearing dresses and wants to wear pants like his brother, Aaron. Ezra already has hopes and dreams of becoming a boy as well (it isn’t until he’s a teenager that he decides he wants to transition). It’s here, in the funeral home, that Ezra’s Zayde (grandfather) died and Ezra first sees him. Fast forward 20yrs and Zayde still haunts Ezra – literally! Ezra, and his adorable Pittie, Sappho, move into his new apartment (recommended by Ollie), already occupied with roommates, Lily and Nathan and where he meets Jonathan.
As if this story didn’t already have a lot going on, during a Passover seder with the family and guests, Rabbi Isaac and his wife Judy, that Ezra’s mother and Judy announce that they have been having an affair for years and that they are leaving their respective husbands. Because Ezra’s mom helped run the funeral home, Ezra steps up to help the family by stepping into his mom’s job, which he hates. Ezra prefers to work with the living like being a birth doula instead of the dead, and he especially hates the ghosts that roam the halls of the funeral home.
There is one particular ghost, Ben, Jonathan’s late husband (and the Rabbi’s and Judy’s son), who doesn’t seem to be sticking to the rules of ghosting, which are:
Rule #1: They can't speak.
Rule #2: They can't move.
Rule #3: They can't hurt you.
However, even Ben seems pretty clueless as to why he’s haunting Ezra. However, he does impart on Ezra some secrets he never shared with Jonathan. A whole new storyline regarding Ezra's family and the funeral home is revealed in the second half that was kind of interesting and certainly added some redeeming factors to the overall story.
This was a story of love and loss, of grieving for not only the dead, but the death of fantasies and secrets. It’s a story of acceptance of loved ones in spite of their flaws and mistakes as well as one’s own flaws and mistakes. It’s about the courage and strength of moving on as well as becoming who you are and want to be, no matter what. I’m not sure I would call this a ghost story (in spite of the title) because the ghosts didn’t seem to play a prominent role in the story, other than Ben, whose didn’t really play much of a role until the second half. It’s more of a domestic drama and a love story.
Shore spent A LOT of time in Ezra’s head, so the reader got to witness pretty much every thought and emotion that passed through his brain. The characterization was ok for most of the other MC’s; I would have liked a little more development on Jonathan and Ben or some of the ensemble characters. That might have added some much-needed interest in the story. The pacing was slow, a bit of a snoozer, as in it was actually putting me to sleep. If it hadn’t been a NetGalley book, I probably would have DNFed it in the first half. Fortunately, the second half got a tad better. The story and writing were ok, and I did like the ending, mostly for finally getting to it. I’m looking at an overall rating of 2.8 that I will be rounding up to a 3star rating.
At first, I thought that maybe I allowed myself to get sucked in by a catchy title (that does happen from time to time) because I really do love a good ghost story. However, I would not label this as a good ghost story. I want to thank NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine for sending me this eARC in exchange for my honest review.
#NetGalley #RandomHousePublishingGroupBallantine #RulesforGhosting
April 11, 2025
Rules for Ghosting is about Ezra, a young Jewish man who's life is thrown into chaos when he is furloughed from his job and family drama hits the fan at the same time. On top of that, Ezra can see ghosts and none of his family or friends know this. Working at his family business (a funeral home) to make ends meet, Ezra meets someone unexpected.
I will start off by saying this is one of the worse marketed books I've ever seen because the cover really does not match the more serious tone to this book. And honestly, this book falls under general fiction more than romance and yet that's what we are led to expect. I really did like this book, the first 50-60% it was more like a 4 star read for me and I was really connecting with the characters and the family dynamics. Also, I am a sucker for any kind of book that involves someone seeing ghosts (thank you Meg Cabot for hitting me with that at a young age) and I was really just vibing. The climax of this book hits at 70%, and it really didn't need to be 100 pages after that point, the story really could have been cut down. I think this is a solid debut by Shelly Jay Shore.
I will start off by saying this is one of the worse marketed books I've ever seen because the cover really does not match the more serious tone to this book. And honestly, this book falls under general fiction more than romance and yet that's what we are led to expect. I really did like this book, the first 50-60% it was more like a 4 star read for me and I was really connecting with the characters and the family dynamics. Also, I am a sucker for any kind of book that involves someone seeing ghosts (thank you Meg Cabot for hitting me with that at a young age) and I was really just vibing. The climax of this book hits at 70%, and it really didn't need to be 100 pages after that point, the story really could have been cut down. I think this is a solid debut by Shelly Jay Shore.
July 4, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and Random House Publishing - Ballantine for providing a digital review copy in exchange for my honest opinion.
This book was stunning. I’m actually astounded it’s a debut.
Rules for Ghosting focuses on the intricacies of human connections and the exploration of grief. There wasn’t a single moment my eyes were dry, but don’t worry! Seventy percent of the time they were happy tears! I’m not typically an emotional person, but Shelly Jay Shore’s writing is nothing short of beautiful. It felt like I was experiencing the characters’ emotions firsthand. The complexity of loss and the glimmers of healing, the richly developed characters, the authenticity behind every moment in the book… It’s a story that stays with you a long time after it’s over, and I cannot recommend it enough.
This book was stunning. I’m actually astounded it’s a debut.
Rules for Ghosting focuses on the intricacies of human connections and the exploration of grief. There wasn’t a single moment my eyes were dry, but don’t worry! Seventy percent of the time they were happy tears! I’m not typically an emotional person, but Shelly Jay Shore’s writing is nothing short of beautiful. It felt like I was experiencing the characters’ emotions firsthand. The complexity of loss and the glimmers of healing, the richly developed characters, the authenticity behind every moment in the book… It’s a story that stays with you a long time after it’s over, and I cannot recommend it enough.
October 8, 2024
Books that make me cry get 5 stars I don't make the rules RTC
April 14, 2024
This stunning debut is immediate all-time favourite material for me. It's a somewhat unconventional romance for a number of reasons. The main reason being, of course, that our MC's family runs a Jewish funeral home, and he can see ghosts. It also took a little while for the romance to become a main focus, because there's a large space carved out for family drama. And this family has a LOT going on.
There's so much going on in this book, but all of it is talked about gently and thoughtfully, never making anything feel like too much. It's very much a romance, and I absolutely loooved Jonathan. It was amazing seeing Ezra and Jonathan slowly and carefully connect, and I loved how maturely the communicated, which absolutely oozed care for each other. But the book also never loses track of other relationships that are important in life, of friendship, family, and community, and even the joy and love a pet brings us.
Death is a large theme in this book, between Ezra and his family running a funeral home, Ezra seeing ghosts, and Jonathan having lost his husband a year before. I thought this theme was handled with a lot of love and care. Between Alison Cochrun's newest book and this one, I'm very impressed with how I've seen death handled in romance books without feeling too overwhelmingly sad or depressing. I do of course still urge you to treat yourself with care if this is a difficult theme for you to read about.
Like I said, Ezra's family runs a funeral home, and they're a large part of the book. I loved how this book didn't shy way from showing how messy and complicated family can be, all the while never making us doubt they love each other. One of Ezra's major learning curves in the book is how he can accept help and care from people when he's grown up always taking care of others. Jonathan and all of Ezra's new roommates play a huge part in this, which was so lovely to see.
There's so much going on in this book, but all of it is talked about gently and thoughtfully, never making anything feel like too much. It's very much a romance, and I absolutely loooved Jonathan. It was amazing seeing Ezra and Jonathan slowly and carefully connect, and I loved how maturely the communicated, which absolutely oozed care for each other. But the book also never loses track of other relationships that are important in life, of friendship, family, and community, and even the joy and love a pet brings us.
Death is a large theme in this book, between Ezra and his family running a funeral home, Ezra seeing ghosts, and Jonathan having lost his husband a year before. I thought this theme was handled with a lot of love and care. Between Alison Cochrun's newest book and this one, I'm very impressed with how I've seen death handled in romance books without feeling too overwhelmingly sad or depressing. I do of course still urge you to treat yourself with care if this is a difficult theme for you to read about.
Like I said, Ezra's family runs a funeral home, and they're a large part of the book. I loved how this book didn't shy way from showing how messy and complicated family can be, all the while never making us doubt they love each other. One of Ezra's major learning curves in the book is how he can accept help and care from people when he's grown up always taking care of others. Jonathan and all of Ezra's new roommates play a huge part in this, which was so lovely to see.
August 20, 2024
This is not, perhaps, the fun, fluffy ghost story it's billed as, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. The fact that it's a debut is even more impressive. Ezra has the weight of the world on his shoulders, with a host of familial expectations and history of caring for his siblings, along with being transgender. When his parents unexpectedly split, Ezra finds himself back at his family's funeral home, a place he's avoided for years--ever since he realized he could see the dead.
He soon meets Jonathan, who is grieving the loss of his late husband--only to realize that one of the dead people he's been spying around just happens to be Ben, Jonathan's late husband. Even weirder, Ben can talk to Ezra, something none of the other ghosts have ever done. Jonathan and Ezra grow closer, but Ben remains a barrier between the two (for a myriad reasons).
This story is a little long-it takes on a lot-and while it manages most of it well, it feels a bit unwieldy. It takes some time to get to the ghosts, especially the talking one! Still, it provides excellent insight into Jewish funeral customs and traditions. The book wonderfully explores the idea of family, digging into the concept of being what your family wants versus what you need for yourself. How does a person shape themselves for, and because of, their family? I empathized very much with Ezra and all the guilt he felt about his family and the duties and responsibilities he had toward them.
Ezra is a charming character and he comes across as very real and likable. His story is often funny, even with the funeral home setting and all the dead people hanging around. Ezra has a wonderful cast of friends--many of them POC and/or queer--and the story does a great job of exploring queer friendships and how important found family is, especially with Ezra's bizarre family situation.
There's certainly a lot of discussion of grief and death in GHOSTING, so avoid if that's a trigger for you. But know that this is also a really poignant and lovely story--part almost coming of age and also a sweet romance. 4+ stars.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine/Dell in return for an unbiased review.
He soon meets Jonathan, who is grieving the loss of his late husband--only to realize that one of the dead people he's been spying around just happens to be Ben, Jonathan's late husband. Even weirder, Ben can talk to Ezra, something none of the other ghosts have ever done. Jonathan and Ezra grow closer, but Ben remains a barrier between the two (for a myriad reasons).
This story is a little long-it takes on a lot-and while it manages most of it well, it feels a bit unwieldy. It takes some time to get to the ghosts, especially the talking one! Still, it provides excellent insight into Jewish funeral customs and traditions. The book wonderfully explores the idea of family, digging into the concept of being what your family wants versus what you need for yourself. How does a person shape themselves for, and because of, their family? I empathized very much with Ezra and all the guilt he felt about his family and the duties and responsibilities he had toward them.
Ezra is a charming character and he comes across as very real and likable. His story is often funny, even with the funeral home setting and all the dead people hanging around. Ezra has a wonderful cast of friends--many of them POC and/or queer--and the story does a great job of exploring queer friendships and how important found family is, especially with Ezra's bizarre family situation.
There's certainly a lot of discussion of grief and death in GHOSTING, so avoid if that's a trigger for you. But know that this is also a really poignant and lovely story--part almost coming of age and also a sweet romance. 4+ stars.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine/Dell in return for an unbiased review.
July 20, 2024
Rules for Ghosting exists at the center of a complex Venn diagram of genres: paranormal, queer, family drama, romance, comedy. It's the story of Ezra and his family and the family of friends he's building alongside. Ezra's a pre-surgery trans man who's spent his life being the problem solver for everyone in his family. He also happens to see ghosts—which partly explains why he fled his family's funeral home business early on. He's trying to give up his habit of fixing everything—and apologizing for everything—and is at the start of a potential romance with a dreamy man. A dreamy man whose husband died a year ago, and that husband's ghost has been appearing to Ezra, asking Ezra to "fix it," but what "fix it" means is unclear. Add to that an early scene played out on the first night of Passover: Ezra's mom reveals that she and the Rabbi's wife have been lovers for years and want to leave their husbands to live together. There are yet more complications, but this gives you a taste of the ground Rules for Ghosting covers.
I love a book with an interesting premise and Rules for Ghosting is definitely that. Shelly Jay Shore writes the way some jugglers juggle, keeping a mix of chainsaws, hearts, family memories, bottles of wine, risks taken and risks fled, and a very large dog up in the air simultaneously. At times, this becomes a bit exhausting for the reader, but the exhaustion is well-balanced with the unfolding of the book's characters and the challenges they face. Once I started, I knew I wouldn't be putting it down.
If you're looking for a good beach read that offers a sort of 21st Century queer comedy of manners, Rules for Ghosting is your book. Maybe you haven't been looking for such a book, but take a moment to ask yourself "should I start looking?" If the answer is yes, then, again, Rules for Ghosting is your book.
I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via NetGalley; the opinions are my own.
I love a book with an interesting premise and Rules for Ghosting is definitely that. Shelly Jay Shore writes the way some jugglers juggle, keeping a mix of chainsaws, hearts, family memories, bottles of wine, risks taken and risks fled, and a very large dog up in the air simultaneously. At times, this becomes a bit exhausting for the reader, but the exhaustion is well-balanced with the unfolding of the book's characters and the challenges they face. Once I started, I knew I wouldn't be putting it down.
If you're looking for a good beach read that offers a sort of 21st Century queer comedy of manners, Rules for Ghosting is your book. Maybe you haven't been looking for such a book, but take a moment to ask yourself "should I start looking?" If the answer is yes, then, again, Rules for Ghosting is your book.
I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via NetGalley; the opinions are my own.
August 26, 2024
I was so excited for a ghosty story with great representation but unfortunately this story fell completely flat for me. There was way too much going on in one story but also nothing happening at the same time somehow. Long drawn out dialogues would end up being pointless which I didn’t realize until chapters later. There was so much time spent on details that ultimately didn’t matter and added nothing to the story. I wanted to like this book so badly and while I did enjoy some of the characters, it was 400 pages of over detailed scenarios when the real story could have been so much shorter and more interesting. I hate giving negative reviews but I spent a lot of time on this one thinking I’d be happy in the end. On a positive note, I can see why some liked this story! It just wasn’t for me.
Thank you so much to Netgalley, Shelly Jay Shore, and Random House Publishing for providing this free ARC. This is my honest review! This published on August 20th.
Thank you so much to Netgalley, Shelly Jay Shore, and Random House Publishing for providing this free ARC. This is my honest review! This published on August 20th.
November 15, 2024
so fun to cry wow
August 9, 2024
I initially picked up this book expecting a queer, ghosty, romcom, but instead found a complex story around grief, family drama, and queer love--all intertwined with some ghosty elements!
Ezra grew up working in his family's funeral home, surrounded by ghosts that no one else could see. Now, after getting furloughed from his job and dealing with the implosion of his parents' marriage, Ezra returns to working in his family's funeral home in order to help save the struggling business. After stepping into his mom's role at the funeral home, Ezra soon develops a crush on Jonathan, one of the new volunteers who also happens to be his new downstairs neighbor. As Ezra begins navigating strained family dynamics as well as a new job and housing situation, he notices the ghost of man... the ghost of Jonathan's late husband, Ben, who keeps showing up and breaking all of Ezra's ghosty rules.
I loved this story so much. I loved the trans MC representation and the themes around grief and family. I also appreciated learning about Jewish customs around various holidays as well as the handling of death. Overall, I found this story to be so beautiful and loved every character in this story.
Thank you so much to the publisher and to NetGalley for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Ezra grew up working in his family's funeral home, surrounded by ghosts that no one else could see. Now, after getting furloughed from his job and dealing with the implosion of his parents' marriage, Ezra returns to working in his family's funeral home in order to help save the struggling business. After stepping into his mom's role at the funeral home, Ezra soon develops a crush on Jonathan, one of the new volunteers who also happens to be his new downstairs neighbor. As Ezra begins navigating strained family dynamics as well as a new job and housing situation, he notices the ghost of man... the ghost of Jonathan's late husband, Ben, who keeps showing up and breaking all of Ezra's ghosty rules.
I loved this story so much. I loved the trans MC representation and the themes around grief and family. I also appreciated learning about Jewish customs around various holidays as well as the handling of death. Overall, I found this story to be so beautiful and loved every character in this story.
Thank you so much to the publisher and to NetGalley for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
April 27, 2024
THIS IS A DEBUT????? oh my dayssss i loved it
i just finished dead boy detectives on netflix yesterday and i started it with this book! SAME VIBE
i adored ezra !!!!
thank you netgalley and the publisher for giving me this arc
5 stars no notes!
i just finished dead boy detectives on netflix yesterday and i started it with this book! SAME VIBE
i adored ezra !!!!
thank you netgalley and the publisher for giving me this arc
5 stars no notes!
October 22, 2024
The writing is a 4. But the plot is a 5. And also, for squishy, goofy, love reasons it is also a 5.
August 27, 2024
any book that makes me cry goes directly to the favorites shelf 💙
April 22, 2024
Have you ever read a book so charming and well-written you almost can't believe it's a debut? This is one of those books.
Beneath its vibrant, witty writing, Rules for Ghosting is about family, community, knowing your worth, love, grief, life, and death. Ezra, our MC, is a bisexual trans man whose family owns and operates a Jewish funeral home. In the aftermath of his mother dropping a major bombshell during a family dinner, Ezra struggles to manage the expectations placed upon him by both himself and others. At the same time, he's developing feelings—big ones—for his new neighbor, Jonathan. As if he doesn't have enough going on, Ezra can see ghosts, and recently he's been seeing the ghost of Jonathan's dead husband, Ben. Unlike the other ghosts, Ben breaks the "rules" and actually speaks to Ezra. As Ezra navigates family drama, his burgeoning relationship, and the ghosts he can't seem to escape, he realizes he might be haunted in more ways than one.
I really enjoyed this book, and I especially enjoyed Ezra as an MC. Even when I wanted to smack him over the head, I loved him. His struggles with self-worth and feeling undeserving of anything good really resonated with me, and I anticipate that many other readers will relate to him as well. I also adored Jonathan as Ezra's LI. He was consistently kind, gentle, understanding, and fundamentally good. Each of the SCs, from Ezra's family to his friends/roommates, added something meaningful to Ezra's characterization and the story as a whole.
The only parts of this book that didn't work for me personally were the descriptions of Ezra's work as a birth doula, but that is purely because I am extremely squeamish about and made uncomfortable by pregnancy and childbirth. If you are, too, consider this your heads up.
I'm so glad I had the chance to read this early and can't wait to see what else this author writes in the future!
Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Beneath its vibrant, witty writing, Rules for Ghosting is about family, community, knowing your worth, love, grief, life, and death. Ezra, our MC, is a bisexual trans man whose family owns and operates a Jewish funeral home. In the aftermath of his mother dropping a major bombshell during a family dinner, Ezra struggles to manage the expectations placed upon him by both himself and others. At the same time, he's developing feelings—big ones—for his new neighbor, Jonathan. As if he doesn't have enough going on, Ezra can see ghosts, and recently he's been seeing the ghost of Jonathan's dead husband, Ben. Unlike the other ghosts, Ben breaks the "rules" and actually speaks to Ezra. As Ezra navigates family drama, his burgeoning relationship, and the ghosts he can't seem to escape, he realizes he might be haunted in more ways than one.
I really enjoyed this book, and I especially enjoyed Ezra as an MC. Even when I wanted to smack him over the head, I loved him. His struggles with self-worth and feeling undeserving of anything good really resonated with me, and I anticipate that many other readers will relate to him as well. I also adored Jonathan as Ezra's LI. He was consistently kind, gentle, understanding, and fundamentally good. Each of the SCs, from Ezra's family to his friends/roommates, added something meaningful to Ezra's characterization and the story as a whole.
The only parts of this book that didn't work for me personally were the descriptions of Ezra's work as a birth doula, but that is purely because I am extremely squeamish about and made uncomfortable by pregnancy and childbirth. If you are, too, consider this your heads up.
I'm so glad I had the chance to read this early and can't wait to see what else this author writes in the future!
Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
May 22, 2024
They Can't Speak. They Can't Move. They Can't hurt You.
This is what Ezra Friedman tells himself when he communes with ghosts, having spent his childhood in a funeral home. His grandfather's ghost hovers over him, seething with disapproval and distaste. Ezra cannot wait for the day he can leave his judgement family - both dead and alive - in the past. Running away is the only option.
Except, that's when his dream job is taken out from under him. His mother ruins Passover seder to announce her leaving with the rabbi's wife. Now, his family is disgraced, and the family business is on the brink of financial ruin.
Now, he is asked to help out at the funeral home, where he grew up with the ghosts he must contend with once again. It makes things easier when there is a certain handsome volunteer named Jonathan to greet him everyday.
Jonathan also has to deal with the fact that he sees Jonathan's husband, Ben. Growing up, the ghouls could not voice their pain nor their messages. Ben is the first ghost, first specter, to voice his thoughts.
This was a super emotional read for me. I came for the spooky vibes and stayed for the tears and the laughs and the warm feels. It was bit of a slow burn, but it was so so worth it in the end. It was full of love and friendship, of grief.
Not surprisingly, death was a heavy topic of the book, and not in a bad way. Death is society's ick, everyone gets uncomfortable around the topic, because it is that dismal end everyone will collectively face one day.
This book covered grief and love and death in a way that was not overbearingly depressing. It was sweet and tender-hearted. I liked that Ezra wanted to heal his relationship with his family, that he was putting in the effort and the time. And the romance, oh was so worth it and beautiful and wholesome. 🌟🌟🌟🌟/5 Stars!
This is what Ezra Friedman tells himself when he communes with ghosts, having spent his childhood in a funeral home. His grandfather's ghost hovers over him, seething with disapproval and distaste. Ezra cannot wait for the day he can leave his judgement family - both dead and alive - in the past. Running away is the only option.
Except, that's when his dream job is taken out from under him. His mother ruins Passover seder to announce her leaving with the rabbi's wife. Now, his family is disgraced, and the family business is on the brink of financial ruin.
Now, he is asked to help out at the funeral home, where he grew up with the ghosts he must contend with once again. It makes things easier when there is a certain handsome volunteer named Jonathan to greet him everyday.
Jonathan also has to deal with the fact that he sees Jonathan's husband, Ben. Growing up, the ghouls could not voice their pain nor their messages. Ben is the first ghost, first specter, to voice his thoughts.
This was a super emotional read for me. I came for the spooky vibes and stayed for the tears and the laughs and the warm feels. It was bit of a slow burn, but it was so so worth it in the end. It was full of love and friendship, of grief.
Not surprisingly, death was a heavy topic of the book, and not in a bad way. Death is society's ick, everyone gets uncomfortable around the topic, because it is that dismal end everyone will collectively face one day.
This book covered grief and love and death in a way that was not overbearingly depressing. It was sweet and tender-hearted. I liked that Ezra wanted to heal his relationship with his family, that he was putting in the effort and the time. And the romance, oh was so worth it and beautiful and wholesome. 🌟🌟🌟🌟/5 Stars!
May 21, 2024
Rules Of Ghosting was more about family drama than seeing ghosts. I had to admit I was disappointed. I really wanted to read more about someone who could see and interact with ghosts. Ezra, the main character, is going through a difficult time. His parents marriage is over and now he has to help out at the family's funeral home, a place he likes to avoid since it is filled with ghosts. Ezra is also transgender and is trying to navigate a new relationship. The story is filled with ups and downs as Ezra tries to navigate his changing world as well as deal with ghosts that only he can see.
The writing was good and the story moved along but I did not connect with Ezra. In fairness, I am not the target audience for this book and I really thought there would be much more paranormal action. It is not a bad story, it was just not for me.
Thank you to Random House/Dell Publishing for this ARC.
The writing was good and the story moved along but I did not connect with Ezra. In fairness, I am not the target audience for this book and I really thought there would be much more paranormal action. It is not a bad story, it was just not for me.
Thank you to Random House/Dell Publishing for this ARC.
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July 26, 2025DNF at 38 percent. At the point I bailed, Ezra and Jonathan had had maybe, maybe, five brief on-page interactions. Instead, it's been tedious family drama -- Aaron and Becca seem okay, actually, but the seder scene serves only to set the mom up as a cartoon villain, which makes it hard for me to take it seriously; real people just don't behave that way -- and stressful financial drama, sprinkled with a (thus far) criminally underdeveloped ghost plot. There's also a friend group straight from the QuirkyQueer StarterPak, whose dialogue is a bit too self-consciously tumblr-circa-2020 for my tastes. I've been sticking it out hoping that we'd finally get a hint of romance; but when the latest chapter started with yet another sibling convo, it officially tipped me into losing my shit. There's enough to lose my shit about irl; I don't need that in my reading life, too. That's personal growth, baby!
September 1, 2024
This book is wholly unique! There is so much going on here! It’s mystical, it’s a family drama, it has loss and grief and healing, there’s romance, there’s wit… it’s got it all!
The book felt rushed at first, i.e. the “stage setting” but by Chapter 4, I was completely invested.
The LGBTQIA+ representation in this book was special and authentic. Paired with the conversations around life and death, doula world, transitions… there was a lot of content but it never felt like Shelly was just trying to fit pieces in- it was just woven together really tenderly.
The friends were interesting, the family was one that you felt a part of right away, it felt unbelievably hopeful… and it just had the right elements for fall!
This read definitely surprised me!
The book felt rushed at first, i.e. the “stage setting” but by Chapter 4, I was completely invested.
The LGBTQIA+ representation in this book was special and authentic. Paired with the conversations around life and death, doula world, transitions… there was a lot of content but it never felt like Shelly was just trying to fit pieces in- it was just woven together really tenderly.
The friends were interesting, the family was one that you felt a part of right away, it felt unbelievably hopeful… and it just had the right elements for fall!
This read definitely surprised me!
October 25, 2024
I will say I expected more 👻 stuff but I guess nothing is as spooky as the dynamics of a codependent family.
October 31, 2025
This was a chefs kiss of a book, and I ate it up!! Automatic 5 ⭐️ for making me blubber like a baby. I couldn’t put this down, and inhaled it in about a day and half. This was the perfect paranormal queer romance for spooky season, and though it was a quick entertaining read, it was more than that. It deals with themes of grief, love after loss, consent and communication, dignity and gender inclusivity, Jewish cultural appreciation, and the classic problem of loving your family even if you don’t like them. This book had so much to say, and I loved it!
May 11, 2024
Do you ever get literally 4% into a book and just KNOW it's going to be special? Because that's exactly what happened with this book for me. Four percent was all it took for me to know that I was going to love it, and boy did I love it.
Also it is completely wild to me that this is a debut. I can't imagine the things that Shelly Jay Shore has written before we got this gem of a story, because what the hell. It's such a fascinating, refreshing concept for a romance that I stopped in my search for my next read immediately to pick it up.
From the first page, I understood Ezra's need to be the one to fix things with his siblings. The one to take on all of their problems and make it all better for them, while holding onto that stress or responsibility himself. Feeling like you're the one person that keeps the family together and convincing yourself your happy about it? Yeah, been there. It was so wild to see this on the page and brought me to tears several times, because I was that sibling for most of my childhood.
I love a messy family dynamic, and boy is the Friedman family messy. Even their ghosts have drama, and I ate it up. As messy and angry as they all are, they are also so full of love for one another and I just could not help but root for them to get it together. I'm a huge found family truther and this? Oh, this found family is everything. Ezra's initial reluctance to let them get close made me stop and have a long look in the mirror, because am I this book's main character? Everything was just so close to home it got me good.
And Jonathan. Sweet, sweet, Jonathan. I loved him immediately and he only became more perfect as the story went on. Equally stubborn and soft (but always so full of love he made me sob), he was the perfect counterbalance to Ezra's instincts to shut it down and bolt. They fit so well together and it was just so lovely.
This review is a novel in itself now, but Rules for Ghosting is a book about dying, living, grieving and finding yourself and your community through it all. I silently wept through probably the last hour of the book and it is easily one of my favorite things I have ever read. Honestly might be my top of the year and and it's only May.
Please keep this one on your radar.
Also it is completely wild to me that this is a debut. I can't imagine the things that Shelly Jay Shore has written before we got this gem of a story, because what the hell. It's such a fascinating, refreshing concept for a romance that I stopped in my search for my next read immediately to pick it up.
From the first page, I understood Ezra's need to be the one to fix things with his siblings. The one to take on all of their problems and make it all better for them, while holding onto that stress or responsibility himself. Feeling like you're the one person that keeps the family together and convincing yourself your happy about it? Yeah, been there. It was so wild to see this on the page and brought me to tears several times, because I was that sibling for most of my childhood.
I love a messy family dynamic, and boy is the Friedman family messy. Even their ghosts have drama, and I ate it up. As messy and angry as they all are, they are also so full of love for one another and I just could not help but root for them to get it together. I'm a huge found family truther and this? Oh, this found family is everything. Ezra's initial reluctance to let them get close made me stop and have a long look in the mirror, because am I this book's main character? Everything was just so close to home it got me good.
And Jonathan. Sweet, sweet, Jonathan. I loved him immediately and he only became more perfect as the story went on. Equally stubborn and soft (but always so full of love he made me sob), he was the perfect counterbalance to Ezra's instincts to shut it down and bolt. They fit so well together and it was just so lovely.
This review is a novel in itself now, but Rules for Ghosting is a book about dying, living, grieving and finding yourself and your community through it all. I silently wept through probably the last hour of the book and it is easily one of my favorite things I have ever read. Honestly might be my top of the year and and it's only May.
Please keep this one on your radar.
June 13, 2025
Sometimes purchasing one of those books outside of my genre (this one is more on LGTQIA book rather than romance) on a whim was a good move. This is definitely one of my best read in 2025. It was a wonderful story, with complicated family dynamics (but OH SO GOOD!) and lovely characters, despite their faults.
I just adored Ezra - one who kept secrets, one who wanted to fix everyone else's problem because he doesn't know what his worth if not doing so, who had that middle-child family syndrome, not to mention all those complex feelings of being misgendered. MY GOD, Ezra!!
I might not relate to any of the family issues but darn, it still touched me deep. I loved that despite all those issues, this book felt SO GENTLE. I shed tears on numbers of ocassions! If anyone ask, this gets my recommendation!
PS: I also learned more of Jewish traditions in this book, which some of them are quite similar to Muslims. Yes, always lovely to get new knowledge.
I just adored Ezra - one who kept secrets, one who wanted to fix everyone else's problem because he doesn't know what his worth if not doing so, who had that middle-child family syndrome, not to mention all those complex feelings of being misgendered. MY GOD, Ezra!!
I might not relate to any of the family issues but darn, it still touched me deep. I loved that despite all those issues, this book felt SO GENTLE. I shed tears on numbers of ocassions! If anyone ask, this gets my recommendation!
PS: I also learned more of Jewish traditions in this book, which some of them are quite similar to Muslims. Yes, always lovely to get new knowledge.
October 9, 2024
Loved so much about this book! There was charm with the ghosts and it was full of heart digging into complex family dynamics as well as a beautiful queer romance I adored. I was so invested in everyone that I think my only disappointment was wanting more time with his fun roommates and new friends. The Jewish representation was fantastic and loved learning more details about funeral practices. It just felt authentic and meaningful. There was a touch of dark humor that was delightful as well. I am thrilled with this debut and can’t wait to read more (maybe a book about one of Ezra’s roommates perhaps?)
December 19, 2024
While I did enjoy the spooky aspects of this book, and occasional bits of humor throughout, I was a bit disappointed in this book.
I found the plot to be rather boring and the characters very difficult to connect with. This book did not come across nearly as much as a “fall/halloween” read as I was hoping and I found the ghost elements rather scarce. I did however, find the ceremonial aspects for the dead moving and it was touching to me how swiftly Ezra and his community came together to create a beautiful funeral ceremony for a friend of a friend that he had only ever met a few times.
I did appreciate some of the themes in the book about friendship and family and learning to forgive and have grace for yourself, but I ultimately felt that the plot was lacking and that the fire near the end of the book seemed like a grasp for straws at a “height” for the plot and resolution that came in the next few chapters.
Overall, I probably would not recommend this book as a good read, but am grateful to have stepped into someone else’s shoes and learned a bit more about a different culture that I wouldn’t have otherwise.
I found the plot to be rather boring and the characters very difficult to connect with. This book did not come across nearly as much as a “fall/halloween” read as I was hoping and I found the ghost elements rather scarce. I did however, find the ceremonial aspects for the dead moving and it was touching to me how swiftly Ezra and his community came together to create a beautiful funeral ceremony for a friend of a friend that he had only ever met a few times.
I did appreciate some of the themes in the book about friendship and family and learning to forgive and have grace for yourself, but I ultimately felt that the plot was lacking and that the fire near the end of the book seemed like a grasp for straws at a “height” for the plot and resolution that came in the next few chapters.
Overall, I probably would not recommend this book as a good read, but am grateful to have stepped into someone else’s shoes and learned a bit more about a different culture that I wouldn’t have otherwise.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 2, 2024
Jonathan and Ezra... these two are so cute! I absolutely loved and enjoyed the trans representation in this and I loved the fact that we get little hints of what their future could be towards the end of the book. This was a very enjoyable book for me between the LGBTQ+ themes and the paranormal aspect!
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