White Tiger on Snow Mountain

by David Gordon

Thirteen hilarious, moving, and beautifully brutal stories by David Gordon, the award-winning author of Mystery Girl and The Serialist.

In these funny, surprising, and touching stories, Gordon gets at the big stuff—art and religion, literature and madness, the supernatural, and the dark fringes of sexuality—in his own unique style, described by novelist Rivka Galchen as “Dashiell Hammett divided by Don DeLillo, to the power of Dostoyevsky—yet still pure David Gordon.”

Gordon's creations include ex-gangsters and terrifying writing coaches, Internet girlfriends and bogus memoirists, Chinatown ghosts, and vampires of Queens. “The Amateur” features a cafe encounter with a terrible artist who carries a mind-blowing secret. In the long, beautifully brutal title story, a man numbed by life finds himself flirting with and mourning lost souls in the purgatory of sex chatrooms. The result is both unflinching and hilarious, heartbreaking and life-affirming.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Audiobook

285 pages, Hardcover

First published October 28, 2014

About the author

David Gordon was born in New York City. He attended Sarah Lawrence College and holds an MA in English and Comparative Literature and an MFA in Writing, both from Columbia University, and has worked in film, fashion, publishing, and pornography. His first novel, The Serialist, won the VCU/Cabell First Novel Award and was a finalist for an Edgar Award. His work has also appeared in The Paris Review, Purple, and Fence among other publications.

Reviews

[Glire · Rating 3 out of 5]

They say there are no coincidences, that nothing in this world truly happens by accident. So perhaps, deep down, i really meant to show my penis to my entire class. After all, that one seeming mistake began the adventure that changed my life.

So... This book consists of thirteen short stories:

1. Man-Boob Summer
2. We Happy Few
3. What I’ve Been Trying to Do All This Time
4. Su Li-Zhen
5. I, Gentile
6. Vampires of Queens
7. Matinee
8. I Think of Demons
9. Hawk
10. Retrospective
11. White Tiger On Snow Mountain
12. Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I?
13. The Amateur

Or at least thats what it says in the table of contents. I never really found "White Tiger On Snow Mountain", there's a mention of the title in "Retrospective", but not a short story per se. So I don't know.

All the stories are about writers and readers, and that would be great except that I get the feeling that all the stories were about the same reader and writer: David Gordon. So there are moments where everything feels too egocentric. There is even a story where the protagonist is a writer named, yes, David Gordon ...



In general, the writing is beautiful, the problem is the plot of the stories. I really liked "We Happy Few", "Su Li-Zhen", "Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I?", and loved "Vampires of Queens" (Actually, is only for this stories that I gave the book 3 stars). But the others were almost painful to read.

[Bonnye Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

XXX I won this book as a giveaway at Goodreads. I had not read David Gordon before, but his book sounded like something I would enjoy, with the sort of humor that I appreciate. And I was not disappointed. There was one story I skipped as a little too rank for me, but most were extremely funny and just dry enough to appeal. It's one of those books you have to look around, and find someone to share this line or that paragraph with. The laughter is still ringing through my workplace. There is a lottery to decide who will have it when I finish.

Short stories are a favorite of mine, and there are some that are just short, and some that are so complete that you can't imagine them any differently. David Gordon is an exceptional writer, and I am so pleased to have 'found' him with the help of Goodreads. I will watch for him in the future.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

“When people ask what I do, I say: “I’m a teacher.” or: “I proofread legal documents.” or: “I hand out jalapeño humus dip at Trader Joe’s.” I say, to myself, mostly: “I’m alive, motherfucker. What else do you want?" ”

When I read this quote from the story "We Happy Few," I had the old writerly feelings of jealously that come from reading the perfect line delivered from the perfect character at the perfect time. I had many of these moments while reading the 13 stories in "White Tiger on Snow Mountain." Many of the other reviews refer to the personal nature of the writing, referencing the fact that there is even a character actually named after the author. Perhaps it is the writer in me that found this attractive instead of off-putting.

I read the entire collection straight through in one sitting, finishing the last story cross-eyed from staring at my Nook. It's that good, ya'll.

* Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for giving me a copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion

[Tori · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like Gordon best here when he writes about writing, which is actually quite a lot, given that the stories' narrators almost all seem to be the same narrator, which all seem to be David Gordon. There are some truly spiffy sentences and lovely observations, but a lot of thematic and character redundancy. Reading this collection is a little like listening to someone practicing the same song on the piano over and over, but inserting small variations each time. I loved "Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I?" and "Man-Boob Summer", although I felt that "Man-Boob" ended too abruptly. The titular story is quite pervy. I understand the purpose of the kink obsessions from a thematic perspective (the juxtaposition of the narrator's journey towards physical health and the psychological morass of his internet chats was almost entertaining). On a personal level, though, I was discomfited. Call me a prude, but I was glad I was reading it in the corner of the doctor's office where no one could see over my shoulder.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting but uneven book of short stories, some of which were better than others. I think I perhaps am not the target audience as the unrelentless darkness and perviness was just not for me. Also, there was a certain sameness to a number of the stories - unclear if this is because they are vaguely autobiographical (one of the narrators is even named David Gordon!), if the stories were intentionally about the same character, or if the author just really likes writing stories whose protagonists are sad sack struggling writers. But the writing was certainly evocative and drew me in. Note: I received a copy of this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an unbiased review.

[Davida Chazan · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this collection of 13 deeply personal short stories, David Gordon delves into both the absurd and the intense sides of being just what he is, a writer. Read my review of this lovely compilation of short stories here http://drchazan.blogspot.com/2014/09/...

[St Fu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uneven, could use an editor, but worth editing.

[Alex · Rating 1 out of 5]

One star, for if add up some elements from some stories, you might get one good one.

[Dot Engelhardt · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not for me

I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. The info about the book said it was humorous. I did not find it so. I wish I knew how to remove it from my Kindle.

[Elizabeth Mabrey · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

When it's obvious every narrator is a hard-luck, wallowing in his faults but all the women still want him version of the author, it gets old by the 5th story.

[hajin yoo · Rating 2 out of 5]

i always say that i love short story collections because theyre like vine comps for your BRAIN, but I was not a fan!!
some qualms:
-references to asian culture/people always felt kind of fetishized or at least cliched
-the narrator/protaganist felt like the same person in every story- was this intentional? idk
-/r/menwritingwomen would have a FIELD day w some of these sections

there was some insightful prose here and there- i really liked the vampire in queens and the one where the two dudes are tripping on acid but otherwise it was not for me, chief.

[Kathryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed these stories. What I enjoyed most was that I went into each story with no expectations, and none of them was a disappointed. Each had its own flavor and a quirk or twist that pulled you through and kept you engaged. I would recommend this book to anyone who is a bit dark and just a touch nihilistic, but hopeful.

[Victoria Zieger · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay. The stories were entertaining but some of them were hard to follow and a bit long. There were some that were really interesting and the writing was definitely great. The writer has a knack for description in an unlikely way. Not bad, but not my favorite collection.

[Wheeler · Rating 1 out of 5]

None of the stories live up to the descriptions given on the back cover. On fact, they seem mostly autobiographical. Nearly every protagonist is a writer, lives in New York, etc.
Boring. Not worth reading.

[Beverley Sylvester · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved each of these stories except, ironically, the titular one.

[Carol · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not a book I wanted to read, so didn’t get much beyond several pages

[Professor Weasel · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great story collection! I loved "The Serialist" and I loved this one too. The five star stories (discussed below) truly elevate it to an exceptional collection that I enjoyed reading very much. It explores similar themes as "The Serialist": writers, writing, genre, horror, growing old, losing love... if you are a fan of funny, readable writing a la Lorrie Moore or Roberto Bolaño, then I recommend this book.

"Man-Boob Summer": besides having an excellent title, this was also a great story (published by the Paris Review, they obviously agreed). I liked the main character a lot, an aimless postgrad, and the simple scenario explored by the story (he goes swimming in the pool of his parents' apartment complex and gets a crush on the lifeguard). A very melancholy ending. Four and a half stars.

"We Happy Few": Probably one of my favorites in the collection. This one explores themes of addiction and recovery as a recently fired teacher gets a job escorting an up-and-coming addiction memoir star, trying to keep him clean and off drugs before his appearance on Oprah. The satire in this story about the writing-as-entertainment world is pretty killer. I also liked how the story explores questions of why we write, and who for. Also, the way the ending jumps forward in time is brutal, and really makes the story. Five stars.

"Today I am remarkably healthy, considering. I do yoga (stiffly) and run (slowly). I eat vegetables and fold the laundry. I water my neighbor's plants. I even quit smoking. But I didn't write a word. I tried at first, but I couldn't get started. Then I took a break. Then I decided it didn't matter anyway. The world wasn't weeping for my unwritten books. Now when people ask what I do, I say, "I'm a teacher." Or: "I proofread legal documents." Or: "I hand out jalapeño hummus dip at Trader Joe's." I say to myself, mostly: "I'm alive, motherfucker." What else do you want?" (20)

"What I've Been Trying To Do All This Time": Eh, this didn't stand out to me that much. I liked how the Argentinean girl character is a subtle homage to Borges (at least IMHO). Two stars.

"Su Li-Zhen": A weird ghost story. Three stars.

"I, Gentile": I've just realized that this story and the previous two are like a twisted love trilogy. This one probably has the happiest ending, almost brazenly so. As you might guess from the title, the story explores being Jewish in L.A. Three stars.

"Vampires of Queens": I liked the child's perspective of this story, as a little boy grows to believe that both he and his elderly neighbor upstairs are vampires. I especially liked the depiction of the little boy's loneliness and obsession with reading. What a weird ending; what a trippy middle section. Three stars.

"I read to disappear and carry books like spies carry cyanide in their teeth." (103)

"Matinee": This is where the book started getting really good for me. Another story from a child's perspective, albeit a pre-adolescence. I love the description of the narrator's friendship with Phil, whose family is extremely rich but disgustingly filthy (the description of the apartment is one to relish, and Philip is a real little pig). This movie seems to explore the idea of movies as escapism and liberation, and yet the ending is still strangely sad. Three and a half stars.

"I Think of Dreams": WOW, what a story. I think this one is my favorite. Again, the use of time at the end makes this story BRUTAL. What a lesson. Basically, two teenage boys take acid on a camping trip and things are never the same. I read this story with my mouth falling open. Five stars.

"Hawk": What a weird story! (I keep using that phrase, lol) I guess this is the "metafictional" one in the collection? I still found it compelling to read. Another really interesting flash forward at the end (I'm sensing a similar theme here). Three stars.

"Restrospective": This story actually uses time travel as a theme. A pretty depressing examination of the way love between long-term couples can die. Three and a half stars.

"White Tiger on Snow Mountain": Another star of the collection. Five stars, easily. You'll never think of sexting the same way after reading this. Poignant and horrifying.

"Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I?": What a title, right? I liked how the narrator of this story is such a jealous, petty asshole. The plot follows his attempts to write in a coffee shop that becomes occupied by a writer's group that he finds extremely annoying. Four and a half stars, maybe five.

"Hence the most important question facing any young writer may well be: How often should I masturbate and when? (It also brings up the second most important question: How much coffee should I drink? But here the answer is clear: As much as you can without dying.)" (235)

"The Amateur": WOW, what a star. A layered story reminiscent of Borges and Bolaño in which the narrator listens to a story told by a man he meets in Paris, a story that takes a decidedly unexpected turn. Five stars.

[Meghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." -- Toni Morrison

Hence the most important question facing any young writer may well be: How often should I masturbate and when? -- David Gordon

Let's get this out of the way first: David Gordon can write. Every scene, no matter how far-fetched or ridiculous or random, feels natural. Even cliché'd ones, like getting punched in the face by a big, burly, male relative of the girl he was hitting on, feel natural. Like these are stories your buddy would tell you at a bar, if you had the sort of buddy who frequently gets punched in the face (I don't, but I assume other people do).

So Gordon can write. He is a good writer. He is a great writer. We can probably say he is a fucking amazing writer --

-- who then writes a bunch of stories about how women sleep with him, some dreams (actual zzzz ones, not aspirations), some drug trips, and, as well, a vampire because really that's just the sort of thing that keeps happening in the books I read lately (see here and here). So we can pretty much sum up my feeling on that with my review of 10:04 by Ben Lerner: Reading about white guys getting boinked, doing drugs, and futzing about bores me.

But Gordon can write, my mind reminds me. He writes so well.

And he's clearly written the novel (well, short story collection) he wants to read, where lots and lots and lots of women want to have sex with him, and I'll say him for while the stories aren't all about David Gordon, there's a similar tonality and voice that goes through all the stories, even in the ones when David is called Larry. And the sex is about as erotic as waiting around for an airplane to de-ice, my mind answers itself back.

Some people might find planes de-icing erotic.

I feel we're missing the point. I have twenty-nine annotations I made in my kobo on White Tiger on Snow Mountain. Twenty-eight of them are about women improbably attracted to Gordon. One is about being a writer. I suppose two, if you take the quote above since that's less about women being attracted to Gordon than just about sex. Also, I stopped making these annotations part way through, so there are likely more.

But Gordon can write. He writes so well, my mind says again.

So good writer writing a bunch of stuff I do not care about one tiny little minute epsilon bit. So do I rank this book on the writing (5/5) or the tedious content (1/5)?

David Gordon can write. Really fucking well. Let's just leave it at that.

White Tiger on Snow Mountain by David Gordon went on sale November 28, 2014.

I received a copy free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Bored to Death book club · Rating 3 out of 5]

How do you even start reviewing a collection of short stories? Story by story? As a whole? Both? We're just going to give it a go in our newest series: The Boring Index!

Who wrote these? David Gordon. This is his first collection of short stories, but he also wrote two novels called The Serialist and Mystery Girl: A Novel.

How many stories do I need to read? 13. A very decent amount. The title story is by far the longest, but most stories are between 15 and 20 pages.

What was the least boring story? I had two personal favourites. The first one is Vampires of Queens about a young boy who thinks he turned into a vampire and goes to an old blind man in his apartment - who is also a vampire - to ask for help. My second favourite is Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I? about the struggles of being a writer and writing in public. The start of this story had me laughing out loud and the hard truths about the writerly life made me cringe.


What was the most boring story? The stories that stuck with me the least was What I've been Trying to Do All This Time. The story is about an author called David Gordon who gets contacted by an Argentinian girl who is writing her dissertation about his work. She comes over to America and finds out that Gordon also wrote a bunch of smut in his younger years to make money and then bails. Luckily for Gordon, another woman who does appreciate his porn comes along and finally they hook up Unfortunately for Gordon, none of these women are interested in reading his newest attempt at a novel. I really  had to reread the story to tell you what happened in it, which is all that much.

Short Story Boring Index: The collection has a very low boring index, as most of the stories were funny, weird or interesting in some way. The title story is hard to read sometimes, especially in public with all those crazy sexual asides, but I wasn't able to put it down either. Most of the stories deal with subjects that seem personal to Gordon, like being a writer and the insecurities that come with that, but also about being Jewish and what it is like for a somewhat nerdy boy to grow up. Some stories are even blatantly about Gordon himself, which gives the collection a very private feel. Sometimes this can come across as narcissism, but then again aren't most writers writing about themselves in one way or another? The collection is funny and awkward and Gordon's very recognizable voice has no problem keeping your eyes on the page.

We received an ARC from the publisher HMH New Harvest through Netgalley.

[Esmée · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Boring Index: White Tiger on Snow Mountain - David Gordon
Who wrote these? David Gordon. This is his first collection of short stories, but he also wrote two novels called The Serialist and Mystery Girl: A Novel.

How many stories do I need to read? 13. A very decent amount. The title story is by far the longest, but most stories are between 15 and 20 pages.

What was the least boring story? I had two personal favourites. The first one is Vampires of Queens about a young boy who thinks he turned into a vampire and goes to an old blind man in his apartment – who is also a vampire – to ask for help. My second favourite is Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I? about the struggles of being a writer and writing in public. The start of this story had me laughing out loud and the hard truths about the writerly life made me cringe.

What was the most boring story? The stories that stuck with me the least was What I’ve been Trying to Do All This Time. The story is about an author called David Gordon who gets contacted by an Argentinian girl who is writing her dissertation about his work. She comes over to America and finds out that Gordon also wrote a bunch of smut in his younger years to make money and then bails. Luckily for Gordon, another woman who does appreciate his porn comes along and finally they hook up Unfortunately for Gordon, none of these women are interested in reading his newest attempt at a novel. I really had to reread the story to tell you what happened in it, which is all that much.

Short Story Boring Index: The collection has a very low boring index, as most of the stories were funny, weird or interesting in some way. The title story is hard to read sometimes, especially in public with all those crazy sexual asides, but I wasn’t able to put it down either. Most of the stories deal with subjects that seem personal to Gordon, like being a writer and the insecurities that come with that, but also about being Jewish and what it is like for a somewhat nerdy boy to grow up. Some stories are even blatantly about Gordon himself, which gives the collection a very private feel. Sometimes this can come across as narcissism, but then again aren’t most writers writing about themselves in one way or another? The collection is funny and awkward and Gordon’s very recognizable voice has no problem keeping your eyes on the page.

We received an ARC from the publisher HMH New Harvest through Netgalley.
Review originally posted on boredtodeathbookclub.com.

[Marvin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book I enjoyed so much that it really surprised me. Works a lot in the territory of what I guess I'd affectionately and oh-so articulately call "hipster garbage"--coffee-drinking cigarette-smoking grad-studenting English-professoring writerly types doing all manner of jadedly hip garbage--but it does it so well it almost hurts. These stories by and large kept punching me in the face of my heart. Instead of skimming the surface and leaving me to fawn over the author's cleverness, they feel substantive, moving.

The opening story, "Man-Boob Summer," brings to mind Updike with its writerly narrator and swimsuited summertime object of admiration. "We Happy Few," the second story, kicks it into high modern gear with a professor who loses his job in the wake of a dick-pic scandal and becomes a sober companion to a famous young writer. Stories like "Su Li-Zehn," in which a woman searches for a lover from a past life, and "I Think of Demons," in which two young men explore hallucinogens, follow courses of strange and unsure realities. The real and the unreal become unclear. The title story similarly explores what's real and not through a weird mix of eastern medicine and online sex-chatting, and "Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I?" tackles the desperate and sometimes odd lot of the writer in an ultimately inexplicable situation by turns both funny and disturbing.

The stories remain, at their very best, both odd, or disorienting, and full of risk and pain for their characters. "I, Gentile" follows a man who denies his Jewish heritage only find himself involved with a rabbi and his lovely daughter; the narrator of "Retrospective" recalls the dissolution of his marriage between car accidents; and "Vampires of Queens" relates the story of a sickly young boy believing himself to be a vampire like a blind man upstairs in his building, from whom he seeks advice.

[Marcheto Marcheto · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I’ve read by David Gordon, so I had no idea what to expect, and I must say it’s been an extremely pleasant surprise. This collection of thirteen stories is highly entertaining: they are at times moving, disturbing, absurd… but most of the time they are really funny (even hilarious).
Although there are certain links between the stories (most of the main characters are writers, children, Jewish, losers or a combination of two or even more of the foregoing), they are very different among them. We find a blocked writer (in one of the most funny stories in the book), a kid willing to become a vampire, a former promising writer hired to act as babysitter/chaperon for a promising writer addicted to drugs, a retired criminal in love with a model for painters… My standout favorites were “We Happy Few”, “What I’ve Trying To Do All This Time”, “Su Li-Zhen”, “Vampires of Queens” and “Literature I Gave You Everything And Now What I Am?” (which has my favorite paragraph in the whole book, the one about the people who talk in cafés, which I endorse 100%).
So, although I’ve rated this book 4 of 5 stars, it’s in fact 4,5 of 5. Highly recommended.

[Jk · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a very nice hardcover copy of this book for free through the Goodreads First Reads program and would like to thank everyone who made that possible.

I will start off by saying that David Gordon has real talent. Most of the stories contained in this book were not my style or taste but regardless of that the book was marked by an exceptionally beautiful use of language throughout. In general most of the stories seem rambling and meandering and are more pondering than action based - not a whole lot actually happens. There is a lot of humor, evocative prose splashed with gritty, blunt honesty and if you are easily offended by sexual deviance, turn away now. The stand out, 5-star story for me was "Su Li-Zhen" which I found to be captivating with a good conclusion. Some other stories that I enjoyed were "We Happy Few", "The Amateur" and I loved the ending to "I Think of Demons". Overall this was not exactly my cup of tea but it was still pretty good!

[Kandace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Synopsis
Thirteen stories covering everything from art to sexuality and everything in-between.

High Points
Gordon's narrative voice is clear and strong. I love that each of these stories were fresh. Beginning each story was like opening a box of Cracker Jacks and digging in for the toy. I really liked that the writing felt personal, like stories he imagined of himself perhaps.

Low Points
Short story collections are a strange beast. As a reader, I will not connect with each story and that is certainly true with White Tiger on Snow Mountian. The true test of a quality collection is if readers can connect with more stories than not.

You'll love it if...
...you like stories about a writer being a writer. ...you like tightly written short stories.

Overall
4 Stars

E-Galley received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. For more reviews from the Readist, please visit www.thereadist.com.

[Rachel Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this collection of 13 stories, David Gordon touches on the funny, the moving, and the depressing. What I found most interesting about this collection was the links between the protagonists, most especially on the characters being Jewish. The almost flippant way Gordon brings up the faith of each character stands out in the story "I, Gentile". Some of the stories of this collection were particularly stand out. "Su Li-Zhen", "Vampires in Queens", "What I've Been Trying to Do All This Time", and "Literature I Gave You Everything and Now What Am I?" were my particular favorites. I am hoping that more people will pick up short stories because when done well like Gordon does in some of the stories in this collection, they can be quite striking.

*I received this galley for free from NetGalley in exchange for my review*

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of short stories ranges from the absolutely ridiculous to the downright seedy. Picking up an adult book like this one, I wasn't sure what to expect, but thought I might find a few gems since there are thirteen short stories in there. The majority of the stories were okay, but some I downright hated. I didn't overly enjoy the book as a whole and upon finishing the last story, I was just kind of meh. David Gordon does have an interesting writing style that draws you in, whether you want to be involved or not. Described as "hilarious, moving and beautifully brutal", you might really enjoy this book, but it just wasn't for me.

[Don · Rating 3 out of 5]

Every now and again, I like to read short stories. They are always so much different than other fiction, unique pieces of art in a tight bundle. This collection by David Gordon is no exception to that rule. Each of the stories, 13 in total, explore various themes, from literature and art, to religion and sexuality. Gordon's writing style, and the first person narration, gives each of the short stories a very personal feel as well. As I think is always the case, one has to like short stories to read them, but I think its a genre that is worth exploring. This is a solid collection, but the little bit of redundancy in the stories after awhile makes it 3 stars as opposed to 4.

[Beverly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Musings of a writer

I enjoy short stories. Compact and economical, the story must still develop characters , plot, and interest. For the most part, I feel the author accomplished creating stories that provides insights into the world of the private world of a writer. Some stories are memorial, some are easily forgotten. Most are written in first person and were a bit self-pitying. The last story was my favorite. It was told from another character's perspective and had a bit of a surprise. If one likes short stories, these were made for an interesting read.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
"Really, throughout the stories-the good and the average-it's Gordon's humor that charms the reader throughout."
read more: http://likeiamfeasting.blogspot.gr/20...

[Madeline Knight-Dixon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of these stories I really enjoyed, some not so much. But the ones I did like were incredibly well written and had some really beautiful moments. Not upset I read it, but not really life changing.