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L'enfant blessée
Lorsqu'elle remarque la petite Venus Fox juchée sur le mur de la cour de récréation, le jour de la rentrée des classes, Torey Hayden ignore encore ce que Belle Enfant, ainsi que la nomme sa grande soeur Wanda, elle-même handicapée mentale, doit endurer au quotidien.
Réfugiée dans le silence, dépourvue de réactions, Venus ne se manifeste que pour se transformer en furie si l'un de ses camarades a le malheur de l'approcher. Afin d'instaurer une atmosphère propice à l'apprentissage dans une classe où tous les élèves souffrent, à des degrés divers, de troubles du comportement, Torey utilise des méthodes telles que l'écoute, la fermeté, l'humour, les chants et les rires... Elle s'attache tout particulièrement à faire sortir du mutisme où elle s'est murée cette petite fille en proie à d'indicibles souffrances. Mais ne s'agit-il pas là d'un cas désespéré ?
Réfugiée dans le silence, dépourvue de réactions, Venus ne se manifeste que pour se transformer en furie si l'un de ses camarades a le malheur de l'approcher. Afin d'instaurer une atmosphère propice à l'apprentissage dans une classe où tous les élèves souffrent, à des degrés divers, de troubles du comportement, Torey utilise des méthodes telles que l'écoute, la fermeté, l'humour, les chants et les rires... Elle s'attache tout particulièrement à faire sortir du mutisme où elle s'est murée cette petite fille en proie à d'indicibles souffrances. Mais ne s'agit-il pas là d'un cas désespéré ?
384 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
180 people are currently reading
3811 people want to read
About the author
Torey L. Hayden
51 books1,560 followersVictoria Lynn Hayden, known as Torey L. Hayden (born May 21, 1951 in Livingston, Montana) is a child psychologist, special education teacher, university lecturer and writer of non-fiction books based on her real-life experiences with teaching and counselling children with special needs.
Subjects covered in her books include autism, Tourette syndrome, sexual abuse, fetal alcohol syndrome, and elective mutism (now called selective mutism), her specialty.
Hayden attended high school in Billings, Montana and graduated in 1969. She then attended Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington.
A little time after having written her most famous book One Child, Hayden moved to Wales in 1980 and got married to a Scot called Ken two years later. In 1985, she gave birth to her daughter Sheena. Hayden is now divorced.
She has also written three books of fiction in addition to her non-fiction books.
Subjects covered in her books include autism, Tourette syndrome, sexual abuse, fetal alcohol syndrome, and elective mutism (now called selective mutism), her specialty.
Hayden attended high school in Billings, Montana and graduated in 1969. She then attended Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington.
A little time after having written her most famous book One Child, Hayden moved to Wales in 1980 and got married to a Scot called Ken two years later. In 1985, she gave birth to her daughter Sheena. Hayden is now divorced.
She has also written three books of fiction in addition to her non-fiction books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 420 reviews
January 28, 2019
This book was a pretty good read. Fairly predictable, extremely self-congratulatory, and slightly dated in a lot of ways, some of which are fairly problematic by todays standards imho, but overall, a decent feel-good read that isn't going to tax your mental faculties by any stretch of the imagination.
I do feel like I had the same problem with this teacher narrative as I do with other teaching narratives typically assigned to preservice, or graduate level teachers as if they contain groundbreaking revelations for the field of teaching...let me assure you, they don't. Sure, it might leave you with a good feeling, or serve as a good example of best practices to potentially emulate, or even better yet, offer an example of someone who was forced to change in order to grow as an educator and a person, but in the end that's all they are...exaggerated and fictionalized success stories, modern day fables for those who need to be force fed their common sense when it comes to working with kids.
I feel like I had this book, and where it was heading/how it would turn out pegged pretty well from an early point on, so I spent the majority of the book shaking my head at some of Torey's decisions with a lot of things, not just relating to Venus either. Like I said, I think parts of this are outdated, because a lot of the more physical things Torey did with Venus or the other children at times made me cringe, and I think probably wouldn't fly in today's day and age.
Despite any real suspense for me, it was still enjoyable to watch the story unravel if only to see if my suspicions were on point, or if I perhaps misread the situation as written. If you'd like morals to this modern day fable without having to read it first I'll do ya a solid.
The moral of the story is, you have to develop a relationship with the kids you teach, especially if they have special needs or are coming from trauma and it's always the ones who's behavior pushes people away the hardest who are the most in need of our comfort and our support.
This story further reinforces something I've always believed about being the best approach, or the only approach really imo, to effectively working with challenging students. Here it is, super simple really; relationship, relationship, relationship; speaking as a challenging student myself. They're gonna put you through the wringer, but if you ride it out and come at them in a genuine fashion, which they'll spot from a mile away, then you can start making progress with them.
Kids, especially those who've experienced trauma of some sort, either directly or indirectly in their lives aren't going to learn from someone they don't trust, or respect, or like. Finally and most importantly, always trust your gut. If you feel like something is off about a situation, or have doubts about the safety of one of your kiddos, don't assume that telling someone else about this concerns constitutes satisfying your responsibilities as a mandated reporter.
I do feel like I had the same problem with this teacher narrative as I do with other teaching narratives typically assigned to preservice, or graduate level teachers as if they contain groundbreaking revelations for the field of teaching...let me assure you, they don't. Sure, it might leave you with a good feeling, or serve as a good example of best practices to potentially emulate, or even better yet, offer an example of someone who was forced to change in order to grow as an educator and a person, but in the end that's all they are...exaggerated and fictionalized success stories, modern day fables for those who need to be force fed their common sense when it comes to working with kids.
I feel like I had this book, and where it was heading/how it would turn out pegged pretty well from an early point on, so I spent the majority of the book shaking my head at some of Torey's decisions with a lot of things, not just relating to Venus either. Like I said, I think parts of this are outdated, because a lot of the more physical things Torey did with Venus or the other children at times made me cringe, and I think probably wouldn't fly in today's day and age.
Despite any real suspense for me, it was still enjoyable to watch the story unravel if only to see if my suspicions were on point, or if I perhaps misread the situation as written. If you'd like morals to this modern day fable without having to read it first I'll do ya a solid.
The moral of the story is, you have to develop a relationship with the kids you teach, especially if they have special needs or are coming from trauma and it's always the ones who's behavior pushes people away the hardest who are the most in need of our comfort and our support.
This story further reinforces something I've always believed about being the best approach, or the only approach really imo, to effectively working with challenging students. Here it is, super simple really; relationship, relationship, relationship; speaking as a challenging student myself. They're gonna put you through the wringer, but if you ride it out and come at them in a genuine fashion, which they'll spot from a mile away, then you can start making progress with them.
Kids, especially those who've experienced trauma of some sort, either directly or indirectly in their lives aren't going to learn from someone they don't trust, or respect, or like. Finally and most importantly, always trust your gut. If you feel like something is off about a situation, or have doubts about the safety of one of your kiddos, don't assume that telling someone else about this concerns constitutes satisfying your responsibilities as a mandated reporter.
August 4, 2008
This is my first Tory Hayden book and I plan on reading more.
This book is a story of her struggles with a classroom of children with special needs. You come to love each of the children and ache for the trials they face. But the amazing experience of the one girl in this story going from no response (no eye movement, nothing!) to actually talking is astounding. My heart broke for the children like her that face so many difficults...sweet innocent children...
This book is a story of her struggles with a classroom of children with special needs. You come to love each of the children and ache for the trials they face. But the amazing experience of the one girl in this story going from no response (no eye movement, nothing!) to actually talking is astounding. My heart broke for the children like her that face so many difficults...sweet innocent children...
May 9, 2014
Beautiful Child by Torey Hayden was an amazing memoir. The setting for the majority of the book was a classroom, as the narrator (Torey Hayden) is a special education teacher. There were five students in her classroom: an aggressive, loud nine-year-old named Billy, an eight year old named Jesse dealing with Tourette's Syndrome, six year old twins who had suffered FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) and had various behavioral problems, and then there was seven-year-old Venus Fox. Venus was the hardest one to understand. She never said a word during class and rarely looked up or even moved without being forced to. Throughout the book, the main character is trying to get Venus to respond and attempting to discover the reason behind the child's silence.
The entire story is told using the author's point of view (since it is a memoir). However, the character who the reader really focuses on is Venus. At first, Venus's character frustrated me; I really didn't understand how she could be so unresponsive to the point where she didn't even move without being forced to. It confused me when it was revealed that she was not actually calm on the inside and whenever someone touched her, she went crazy and started beating them up. There didn't seem like there was really could be a reason for her to act so uncooperative. However, my frustration turned to sympathy as more was gradually uncovered about Venus's background. I realized that there really was a lot more going on in her life that no one but Venus was aware of. By the end of the book, her character had developed a lot more and she had become a girl who learned to express herself and respond. I had become a big fan of Venus as the book developed. I found myself cheering her on and smiling whenever she managed to make a gesture.
I would recommend this book to any young adult/adult readers. I don't think that it would be as suitable of a book for younger kids because there are some concepts in the book that are very psychological and violent. Younger children would not handle this book as well as teenagers and adults. I would recommend this book because it really uncovered what life was like for kids with problems. Not only did it have the touching story of Venus Fox who refused to talk, but it also showed what kids like Billy, Jesse, Shane and Zane have to go through as they deal with their behavioral issues. I found it amazing and inspiring to follow what life was like in that classroom as the children advanced socially and academically. The fact that this entire book was true really emphasized how touching the story was. I would definitely recommend it to anyone 12 and up.
The entire story is told using the author's point of view (since it is a memoir). However, the character who the reader really focuses on is Venus. At first, Venus's character frustrated me; I really didn't understand how she could be so unresponsive to the point where she didn't even move without being forced to. It confused me when it was revealed that she was not actually calm on the inside and whenever someone touched her, she went crazy and started beating them up. There didn't seem like there was really could be a reason for her to act so uncooperative. However, my frustration turned to sympathy as more was gradually uncovered about Venus's background. I realized that there really was a lot more going on in her life that no one but Venus was aware of. By the end of the book, her character had developed a lot more and she had become a girl who learned to express herself and respond. I had become a big fan of Venus as the book developed. I found myself cheering her on and smiling whenever she managed to make a gesture.
I would recommend this book to any young adult/adult readers. I don't think that it would be as suitable of a book for younger kids because there are some concepts in the book that are very psychological and violent. Younger children would not handle this book as well as teenagers and adults. I would recommend this book because it really uncovered what life was like for kids with problems. Not only did it have the touching story of Venus Fox who refused to talk, but it also showed what kids like Billy, Jesse, Shane and Zane have to go through as they deal with their behavioral issues. I found it amazing and inspiring to follow what life was like in that classroom as the children advanced socially and academically. The fact that this entire book was true really emphasized how touching the story was. I would definitely recommend it to anyone 12 and up.
March 5, 2021
5 stars!
I feel like I was a part of that classroom for the school year and I have fallen in love with each one of those BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.
I feel like I was a part of that classroom for the school year and I have fallen in love with each one of those BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.
October 9, 2014
I struggled with this for quite some time. The first 200 pages or so seemed to be like 'Groundhog Day' - day after day of never-changing school routine. In the second half of the book things moved in leaps and bounds. I couldn't seem to warm to either Torey or Julie for different reasons. However, the incredible work by both - but especially Torey - has to be commended. My main aim throughout the book was to learn how Venus came to be mute and that kept my interest. I'm looking forward to hearing what people have to say about this one at book club.
October 11, 2014
This is one of the most wonderful books I have ever read. Torey's work with children is astonishing. As a teacher of children with special needs, she exemplifies patience, endurance and compassion beyond measure.
What I love about her writing most, though, is her honesty. She talks about her negative feelings as well as the positive things she feels. She conveys her frustrations with the education system, child services, and her boss and co-workers.
Her books are fantastic.
What I love about her writing most, though, is her honesty. She talks about her negative feelings as well as the positive things she feels. She conveys her frustrations with the education system, child services, and her boss and co-workers.
Her books are fantastic.
May 24, 2019
Review written May 24, 2019
3.7 STARS - As always a true touching child story from Hayden
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« Seven-year-old Venus Fox never spoke, never listened, never even acknowledged the presence of another human being in the room with her. Yet an accidental playground “bump” would release a rage frightening to behold. The school year that followed would be one of the most trying, perplexing, and ultimately rewarding of Torey Hayden’s career, as she struggled to reach a silent child in obvious pain. »
**********************************************
A rereading and it was as captivating about poor little Venus as last time (2003). As i wrote in another review: Torey L. Hayden tender stories about those children with special needs she worked with as a teacher can’t but be heartbreaking good stories to follow. In my opinion well and and lovely tastefully written as well.
I listened to a very well 10:40 hours audiobook (a Swedish edition) narrated by Anja Lundqvist.
**********************************************
I LIKE - heartbreaking real life stories...
3.7 STARS - As always a true touching child story from Hayden
**********************************************
« Seven-year-old Venus Fox never spoke, never listened, never even acknowledged the presence of another human being in the room with her. Yet an accidental playground “bump” would release a rage frightening to behold. The school year that followed would be one of the most trying, perplexing, and ultimately rewarding of Torey Hayden’s career, as she struggled to reach a silent child in obvious pain. »
**********************************************
A rereading and it was as captivating about poor little Venus as last time (2003). As i wrote in another review: Torey L. Hayden tender stories about those children with special needs she worked with as a teacher can’t but be heartbreaking good stories to follow. In my opinion well and and lovely tastefully written as well.
I listened to a very well 10:40 hours audiobook (a Swedish edition) narrated by Anja Lundqvist.
**********************************************
I LIKE - heartbreaking real life stories...
November 15, 2021
Torey Hayden dedicou grande parte da sua carreira ao ensino especial. No final desta leitura fiquei a pensar que bom seria se houvessem muitos professores como ela, que trabalham não apenas motivados pelo salário mas pela necessidade que sentem em ajudar os seus alunos problemáticos. São alunos que revelam grandes dificuldades de aprendizagem originados ou não por problemas de saúde ou negligência, problemas sérios de comportamento, muitas vezes são vítimas de maus tratos e originários de classes sociais muito baixas.
Gostei muito deste livro! Torey descreve os problemas de cada um dos cinco alunos que fazem parte da sua turma especial e ainda de outos dois que foram integrados a tempo parcial. Conta-nos sobre os métodos que vai utilizando (alguns com sucesso, outros nem por isso), fala-nos sobre as dúvidas que vão surgindo e sobre a persistência que a caractereriza, não baixando os braços sempre â procura de novas alternativas.
Sou muito sensível a este tema e a escrita de Torey agradou-me imenso, pelo que conto ler todos os seus livros!
Gostei muito deste livro! Torey descreve os problemas de cada um dos cinco alunos que fazem parte da sua turma especial e ainda de outos dois que foram integrados a tempo parcial. Conta-nos sobre os métodos que vai utilizando (alguns com sucesso, outros nem por isso), fala-nos sobre as dúvidas que vão surgindo e sobre a persistência que a caractereriza, não baixando os braços sempre â procura de novas alternativas.
Sou muito sensível a este tema e a escrita de Torey agradou-me imenso, pelo que conto ler todos os seus livros!
September 28, 2021
In Torey Hayden’s sixth book BEAUTIFUL CHILD young Venus doesn’t speak and only reacts when her space is invaded. Her violent responses threaten her placement in school. Venus and four difficult boys make for a challenging class especially with a passive-aggressive aide who thinks she knows better than Hayden.
Torey displayed nearly unending patience with Julie, her aide. I would have written her up or insisted on a new assistant much sooner. Not only was Julie noncompliant, she tacitly sabotaged Hayden’s work.
Hayden displays a better understanding of boundaries with the kids and communicates effectively with her supervisors and social services. When she suspects abuse, she goes to her boss rather than investigating, so she’s learning and growing professionally.
Venus’s story is a testament to the resilience of children, not that they ought to need to be as strong as Venus. Her story is both inspiring and heartbreaking.
Torey displayed nearly unending patience with Julie, her aide. I would have written her up or insisted on a new assistant much sooner. Not only was Julie noncompliant, she tacitly sabotaged Hayden’s work.
Hayden displays a better understanding of boundaries with the kids and communicates effectively with her supervisors and social services. When she suspects abuse, she goes to her boss rather than investigating, so she’s learning and growing professionally.
Venus’s story is a testament to the resilience of children, not that they ought to need to be as strong as Venus. Her story is both inspiring and heartbreaking.
March 8, 2019
I love Torey Hayden books. She does a great job of drawing you into the book making you understand both her point of view and the child's point of view along with great descriptions of methods she used and I find her extremely self aware of her own strengths and weaknesses and is unafraid to admit to things that are more about her then about the child that she's trying to help. I always find the books extremely engaging interesting often sad and sometimes horrific, but it's a good reminder to us all how important the teachers in our children's lives are.
October 1, 2013
This story was interesting. I liked One Child better. This book is not bad, but there are some inconsistencies in the story.
I felt like she told this story from memory - and not a good memory at that. Part of the time She-ra said, "For the Honor of Grayscull," and once, "By the Power of Grayscull." The second is the correct line. At one point she had Venus coming to school on a Saturday, but that wasn't correct either.
I felt like she was an unreliable narrator in this book. I also question if it is right for her to tell these stories about her students. Does she have their permission to tell their stories? Do they get some sort of reimbursement? Something about this book felt off to me.
I felt like she told this story from memory - and not a good memory at that. Part of the time She-ra said, "For the Honor of Grayscull," and once, "By the Power of Grayscull." The second is the correct line. At one point she had Venus coming to school on a Saturday, but that wasn't correct either.
I felt like she was an unreliable narrator in this book. I also question if it is right for her to tell these stories about her students. Does she have their permission to tell their stories? Do they get some sort of reimbursement? Something about this book felt off to me.
March 7, 2018
What a book!!! I felt virtually there every step of the way. I am grateful to the author Torey for sharing this portion of her life.
I 100% felt the frustration of trying to connect with these kids. That first hurdle is the hardest. But you persevered with such a wonderful outcome.
For Venus's parentage I can't say I was surprised. In fact I was guessing it was so.
I'll admit I was bothered by the frequent use of "mental retardation". It made me sad. Though it was a term at the time I just didn't think of these kids that way. Heck! I don't think of anyone that way. I guess for me it falls into learning disabilities. Mental or physical illnesses. Comprehension, social, etc disabilities. It's very hard for most of the world to have compassion for people like these. Or patience. There's a reason why everyone does what they do. Why they think like they do. It just taking the time to at least try and figure out. Which is what Torey did. I was your cheerleader. The trying to coax Venus. I was like that's it. Keep going. Keep trying. And I completely appreciate how difficult that can be. Pushing, sitting in silence, continually trying. Very few can do that. I'm not good with empty silences. I'm a yacker. Lol I give it a bit then jump in.
I was so touched by the dancing, singing, constant ideas, it was wonderful. Reminds me of myself too. I'm creative. Somehow I was able to create classes from grade 1 to into the teens for my Sunday school class. There was only an average of 10 that came every week. Physical issues has pulled me from continuing. Most are growing up and out of Sunday school. And sadly we lost 2 of those kids last year in 2017. Unrelated instances but both incredibly tragic.
It was heartwarming with the Lincoln logs. Like legit warm fuzzies. I've been around many boisterous kids. In fact 2 are my own siblings.
😳😱😱 the racism comment. How the 2 would be slaves.
Aaaaaaawwwww friends with billy n Jesse. 💗 My heart melted.
When Julie raised the stink about She-Ra and suggested Rosa Parks I was completely shocked. You were making headway. That is what mattered. This was a sensitive case that you couldn't toss school work at her without prepping. It was necessary. I completely get the empowerment. But if it was ponies or like you said canned SPAM. Making a connection is key. Honestly there are many different ways kids learn to. Again kudos to you for being creative. That is completely the take I did when teaching. Kids NEED more of that. They learn in various ways. Also almost everything can be made fun.
Oh I felt like tempering when Bob confronted Torey about the "inappropriate" content she's using to connect with Venus. I am pissed at Julie. I adore Julie and her patience for kids but I'm incredibly angry. Prior he had said Venus was a lost cause, now he's concerned about what she's exposed to? Good grief! 🤦🏼♀️
Ugh I HATE the need to point out her race. I love that there is more variety these days for people to connect with. But! Don't make things racist when racism actually isn't there.
When Venus went back to home bound I nearly cried. I knew something wasn't right. I've read various other abuse books and I get so mad at how the system failed these kids. As well I often wondered how the teachers did not know. In your case you did and you kept trying. Good on you. Better than many. On that note I think inquiries should always be made if there is any unusual behaviour, hygiene issues, hidden skin, or kids that are bullied. I'm not saying call the authorities right off the bat. But as a teacher you can talk to the student in question. Talk to other students. There's ways to ask too. Like if it's a kid picked on. Talk to a peer one on one and ask what they think of the kid in concern. And not just one peer. But speak one on one to possibly get a more honest opinion. Like if the child is picked on. Ask the peer why or why they think the kid is picked on. Talk to their friends too but not just the friend. There's ways to ask leading questions. Like "Have you ever been to so n so's house?" Yes?! "What did you do over there?" Perhaps ask on frequency. If not often ask how come. Ask about the family. I can't easily list it all and maybe it's just my personality but I've often been able to get information. I'm good at probing. Only once. Once!!!! Did it not go well. Actually it was just before this last New Year. That blindsided me. But! To go this long with no issue I think it's a good record. Lol Just know when to retreat. As soon as there is hesitation or any sort of resistance you've hit on something. You can't just force into that information. Back off and go back into the idle chatter. Sometimes you can lead into it better later. Well I'm on a tangent. I just hope people in contact with kids sees this and takes precaution. For so many teachers are these kids' only hope for help. To end the abuse. They may not be in contact with anyone else. I hate knowing things are happening out there. But I can't just walk up to random kids and start asking questions. Then I'll be the one being questioned. Lol
There are probably rules to my suggestions and by no means would I want someone to instigate any ideas. It has to be vague. Like mentioned if anything is fed to the child justice may not be served and the child may be trapped with the abuser. Actually my heart broke when there was kids who did tell and were not saved. Were left with these abusers. I was in utter horror with this.
Laws need changing. I know there's issues about people's privacy etc. But I feel like if nothing is wrong what's there to hide? Another could just be me thing though.
Ugh I'm going nuts. I want to know what was going on at Venus's home. I want her saved. It seemed obvious right away something was wrong.
I nearly cried hearing all the abuse Venus suffered. I just could not ever imagine having such a life. Though not perfect. I was blessed with wonderful loving parents. There are things that happened that some would consider abuse. Though I don't agree with some it was discipline. There was anger management required for sure but it was NOTHING compared to what others experienced. Definitely a few ugly times or incidences overall I had a happy childhood. My relationship is great with both parents.
As I listen to the book my deep yearning to have this child in my care is so strong. I am part Tory part Julie. I don't have the patience of a saint but I do have a significant amount of it. People often think I'm nuts that I love having kids. Like being with them is a chore. But it isn't. I love it.
Sadly I have not been blessed with my own. I wish I could take in children. I have so much love. But health reasons have kept me from both. I'm not giving up though. Perhaps someday. My heart breaks hearing of all these horrible unpleasant things and knowing what I have to offer but can't give it to them. Ugh! It's just frustrating.
I adore Billy. He's absolutely adorable to me. Ya he'd drive me batty but still. He's actually very sweet.
The suggestion of our death dates and days of the week was very thought provoking. Also showed Billy's higher IQ. It certainly is interesting that we do go past this date every year never knowing. And not just for yourself but for others too. Sometimes I wish I knew but other times I don't. I think it would be too stressful. Especially getting closer to it.
Inadvertently torturing her with m & m's. Lol
I laughed at Alice's quote "ordeal" before knowing Torey laughed too.
I nearly cried reading "I'm happy". Total heart melter.
I was saddened to hear of Wanda. Thrilled to hear about the other kids. While reading I kept wondering how life turned out for those kids. Though Venus most of all.
This was such a heartwarming book. Being true makes it better with the exception of what Venus endured. Again thank you Torey for sharing her story with us. And those who would have given permission for the book. I look forward to reading another some day.
I 100% felt the frustration of trying to connect with these kids. That first hurdle is the hardest. But you persevered with such a wonderful outcome.
For Venus's parentage I can't say I was surprised. In fact I was guessing it was so.
I'll admit I was bothered by the frequent use of "mental retardation". It made me sad. Though it was a term at the time I just didn't think of these kids that way. Heck! I don't think of anyone that way. I guess for me it falls into learning disabilities. Mental or physical illnesses. Comprehension, social, etc disabilities. It's very hard for most of the world to have compassion for people like these. Or patience. There's a reason why everyone does what they do. Why they think like they do. It just taking the time to at least try and figure out. Which is what Torey did. I was your cheerleader. The trying to coax Venus. I was like that's it. Keep going. Keep trying. And I completely appreciate how difficult that can be. Pushing, sitting in silence, continually trying. Very few can do that. I'm not good with empty silences. I'm a yacker. Lol I give it a bit then jump in.
I was so touched by the dancing, singing, constant ideas, it was wonderful. Reminds me of myself too. I'm creative. Somehow I was able to create classes from grade 1 to into the teens for my Sunday school class. There was only an average of 10 that came every week. Physical issues has pulled me from continuing. Most are growing up and out of Sunday school. And sadly we lost 2 of those kids last year in 2017. Unrelated instances but both incredibly tragic.
It was heartwarming with the Lincoln logs. Like legit warm fuzzies. I've been around many boisterous kids. In fact 2 are my own siblings.
😳😱😱 the racism comment. How the 2 would be slaves.
Aaaaaaawwwww friends with billy n Jesse. 💗 My heart melted.
When Julie raised the stink about She-Ra and suggested Rosa Parks I was completely shocked. You were making headway. That is what mattered. This was a sensitive case that you couldn't toss school work at her without prepping. It was necessary. I completely get the empowerment. But if it was ponies or like you said canned SPAM. Making a connection is key. Honestly there are many different ways kids learn to. Again kudos to you for being creative. That is completely the take I did when teaching. Kids NEED more of that. They learn in various ways. Also almost everything can be made fun.
Oh I felt like tempering when Bob confronted Torey about the "inappropriate" content she's using to connect with Venus. I am pissed at Julie. I adore Julie and her patience for kids but I'm incredibly angry. Prior he had said Venus was a lost cause, now he's concerned about what she's exposed to? Good grief! 🤦🏼♀️
Ugh I HATE the need to point out her race. I love that there is more variety these days for people to connect with. But! Don't make things racist when racism actually isn't there.
When Venus went back to home bound I nearly cried. I knew something wasn't right. I've read various other abuse books and I get so mad at how the system failed these kids. As well I often wondered how the teachers did not know. In your case you did and you kept trying. Good on you. Better than many. On that note I think inquiries should always be made if there is any unusual behaviour, hygiene issues, hidden skin, or kids that are bullied. I'm not saying call the authorities right off the bat. But as a teacher you can talk to the student in question. Talk to other students. There's ways to ask too. Like if it's a kid picked on. Talk to a peer one on one and ask what they think of the kid in concern. And not just one peer. But speak one on one to possibly get a more honest opinion. Like if the child is picked on. Ask the peer why or why they think the kid is picked on. Talk to their friends too but not just the friend. There's ways to ask leading questions. Like "Have you ever been to so n so's house?" Yes?! "What did you do over there?" Perhaps ask on frequency. If not often ask how come. Ask about the family. I can't easily list it all and maybe it's just my personality but I've often been able to get information. I'm good at probing. Only once. Once!!!! Did it not go well. Actually it was just before this last New Year. That blindsided me. But! To go this long with no issue I think it's a good record. Lol Just know when to retreat. As soon as there is hesitation or any sort of resistance you've hit on something. You can't just force into that information. Back off and go back into the idle chatter. Sometimes you can lead into it better later. Well I'm on a tangent. I just hope people in contact with kids sees this and takes precaution. For so many teachers are these kids' only hope for help. To end the abuse. They may not be in contact with anyone else. I hate knowing things are happening out there. But I can't just walk up to random kids and start asking questions. Then I'll be the one being questioned. Lol
There are probably rules to my suggestions and by no means would I want someone to instigate any ideas. It has to be vague. Like mentioned if anything is fed to the child justice may not be served and the child may be trapped with the abuser. Actually my heart broke when there was kids who did tell and were not saved. Were left with these abusers. I was in utter horror with this.
Laws need changing. I know there's issues about people's privacy etc. But I feel like if nothing is wrong what's there to hide? Another could just be me thing though.
Ugh I'm going nuts. I want to know what was going on at Venus's home. I want her saved. It seemed obvious right away something was wrong.
I nearly cried hearing all the abuse Venus suffered. I just could not ever imagine having such a life. Though not perfect. I was blessed with wonderful loving parents. There are things that happened that some would consider abuse. Though I don't agree with some it was discipline. There was anger management required for sure but it was NOTHING compared to what others experienced. Definitely a few ugly times or incidences overall I had a happy childhood. My relationship is great with both parents.
As I listen to the book my deep yearning to have this child in my care is so strong. I am part Tory part Julie. I don't have the patience of a saint but I do have a significant amount of it. People often think I'm nuts that I love having kids. Like being with them is a chore. But it isn't. I love it.
Sadly I have not been blessed with my own. I wish I could take in children. I have so much love. But health reasons have kept me from both. I'm not giving up though. Perhaps someday. My heart breaks hearing of all these horrible unpleasant things and knowing what I have to offer but can't give it to them. Ugh! It's just frustrating.
I adore Billy. He's absolutely adorable to me. Ya he'd drive me batty but still. He's actually very sweet.
The suggestion of our death dates and days of the week was very thought provoking. Also showed Billy's higher IQ. It certainly is interesting that we do go past this date every year never knowing. And not just for yourself but for others too. Sometimes I wish I knew but other times I don't. I think it would be too stressful. Especially getting closer to it.
Inadvertently torturing her with m & m's. Lol
I laughed at Alice's quote "ordeal" before knowing Torey laughed too.
I nearly cried reading "I'm happy". Total heart melter.
I was saddened to hear of Wanda. Thrilled to hear about the other kids. While reading I kept wondering how life turned out for those kids. Though Venus most of all.
This was such a heartwarming book. Being true makes it better with the exception of what Venus endured. Again thank you Torey for sharing her story with us. And those who would have given permission for the book. I look forward to reading another some day.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 27, 2009
Mendidik Anak dengan Cinta
(sumber: Surabaya Post, Minggu 15 Januari 2005)
Judul buku : Venus: Duka Lara Si Anak Cantik
Penulis : Torey Hayden
Penerbit : Qanita, Bandung
Terbit : Pertama, Juni 2004
Tebal buku : 612 halaman
TAK pernah terbayangkan sebelumnya kalau pengalaman serta perjuangan yang penuh dengan duka lara selama mendidik anak-anak berpendidikan khusus sejak 1979, pada akhirnya membawa Torey Hayden, pakar psikologi pendidikan yang lahir di Montana, Amerika Serikat, terdorong untuk menerbitkan menjadi sebuah cerita. Alih-alih, ia berharap mendapatkan sambutan luas atau bukunya laris di pasaran. Sebab, dia semula hanya menuliskan dalam "catatan harian" tentang kasus-kasus anak-anak didiknya di dalam buku mengajar dengan sedikit analisa ringan dan bagaimana cara untuk menyelesaikannya dengan baik.
Tapi, setelah ia menerbitkan buku pertamanya yang berjudul One Child 1980 (Sheila: Luka Hati Seorang Gadis Kecil) dan menjadi best seller serta diterjemahkan ke dalam berbagai bahasa, ia tidak hanya mantap untuk menjadi penulis, lebih dari itu, ia malah menyadari bahwa catatan-catatan hariannya memang layak diterbitkan. Tak pelak lagi buku selanjutnya bermunculan dengan kisah seputar anak yang mengalami gangguan mental. Di antaranya; Murpys's Boy (Kevin: Belenggu Masa Lalu), Just Another Kid (Murid istimewa: Jerit Liris Seorang Sahabat), Ghost Girl (Jadie: Tangis Tanpa Suara), Tiger's Child (Sheila: Kenangan yang Hilang).
Semua karya Torey Hayden itu telah diterbitkan oleh penerbit Qanita. Karena mendapat respon yang baik dari pembaca di Indonesia, kini penerbit Qanita menerbitkan lagi karya Torey, Beautiful Child (dengan judul Venus: Duka Lara si Anak Cantik). Sebenarnya kisah dalam karya ini tidak beda jauh dengan karya Torey, Ghost Girl (Jadie: Tangis Tanpa Suara). Jika dalam Ghost Girl, Jadie (tokoh utama) mengalami electife mutism dikarenakan siksaan dan "penyimpangan seksual" sampai mengalami penderitaan dengan tubuh yang hampir membungkuk dan enggan berbicara, dalam Beautiful Child, Venus (tokoh utama) juga mengalami electif mutism karena penyiksaan sampai mengalami hipotermia, hingga enggan berbicara.
Meski Torey Hayden tak bisa memastikan apa sebenarnya yang terjadi, setidaknya Venus terlihat sungguh katatonik. Tak cuma seperti seorang anak tunarungu, melainkan seperti menderita kerusakan otak atau kelainan mental. Ia seperti sebatang tanaman, yang hidup dan tumbuh tetapi tidak memberikan respon apa pun pada orang lain dan lingkungan sekitar. Venus setiap harinya hanya berdiam diri di temboknya sebelum masuk kelas dan saat istirahat. Ia baru masuk setelah diantar Wanda, kakak perempuannya (yang di kemudian hari diketahui ternyata ibu kandung Venus akibat dari pemerkosaan yang dilakukan Danny --ayah tiri Wanda).
Torey yang sudah lama menaruh minat pada electife mutism, tentu tak mau menyerah jika usahanya memang belum mengalami kebuntuan. Tak pelak lagi, meski teman-teman dan sejumlah guru (termasuk Bob, Kepala Sekolah pendidikan Khususnya) sudah memperingatkan pada Torey untuk tak melanjutkan niat untuk membuat Venus bisa bersuara. Itu karena keluarga besar Venus memang sungguh berantakan dan kerap kali terlibat kasus kriminal. Tetapi, Torey tak kenal lelah meski harus memulai sedari awal lagi, tatkala Venus yang sudah mulai akrab dengan Torey ternyata kerap kali bolos. Padahal, venus sebenarnya bisa bersuara.
Itu pernah terjadi ketika Venus, tak lagi mau masuk kelas saat jam istirahat sudah usai dan ia berdiam diri di tembok kesayangannya. Torey lalu mendekati Venus dan meraih tangannya, mendekap erat dengan tidak memberikan kesempatan bagi Venus untuk meloloskan diri. Tapi, betapa terkejutnya Torey ketika ia mendengar anak kumal yang oleh Wanda selalu dipanggil anak cantik meski wajahnya buruk apalagi sering pakai pakaian yang terkesan besar dan tak bersih, dengan terengah-engah bersuara, "Lepaskan aku!"
Di saat lain, adalah saat Torey membacakan Venus kisah komik She-Ra, Sang Dewi Kekuatan yang dengan "pedang ajaib" bisa menumpas bajak laut. Anak itu, tidak hanya berminat untuk mendengarkan dengan serius, tapi juga mulai menunjukkan minat untuk bersuara dan mau memegang pedang. Sungguh aneh bagi Torey, tetapi rentang waktu yang membuat Venus kerap bolos selalu menjadi kendala dan Torey seperti kehilangan moment untuk berkomunikasi lagi hingga anak itu dikabarkan dirawat di rumah sakit akibat menderita hipotermia dan kerusakan jaringan akibat pembekuan.
Sejak awal, Torey sebenarnya sudah menduga kalau di dalam keluarga Venus ada sesuatu yang tak beres berkaitan dengan perlakuan sewenang-wenang dari Danny. Selain itu, Teri (ibu Wanda) juga lebih dari tiga kali menikah dan terakhir dengan Danny. Tampaknya, Danny telah menyekap venus di kamar mandi seharian selama Venus tidak sekolah. Itu baru diketahui setelah Venus didiagnosis dan ditemukan memar-memar pada tubuhnya dan terdapat dua puluh retakan.
Danny lalu dihukum dan Venus diambil anak keluarga lain sebagai anak angkat. Lalu, ia masuk sekolah lagi dan berkat didikan dari Torey yang penuh cinta, Venus akhirnya bisa sedikit merespon terhadap orang lain dan tak lagi menunjukkan keganasan tatkala anak lain mendekatinya. Malah saat usai tahun ajaran, Venus sudah bisa menuliskan di lembar secarik kertas yang berbunyi, "Aku bahagia." Tentunya, hal itu membuat Torey bangga karena ia berhasil.
Tak bisa dipungkiri, membaca buku karya Torey ini pembaca pasti akan merasa tersentuh dengan kisah nyata yang dirangkai guru anak berpendidikan khusus ini sebab cukup mengaduk-aduk emosi dan empati siapapun. Hampir sama dengan karya Torey yang lain, buku ini setidaknya merupakan sumbangan besar yang tidak bisa dinafikan karena ia telah mendidik anak catat dengan cinta, dan dengan itu --dapat dikata-- Torey telah mengubah dunia.
Hanya sayangnya, Torey kerap lupa dalam hal dialog yang diungkapkan anak-anak didiknya. Sebab, dialog yang dirangkai kerap "melebihi kemampuan" anak yang bersangkutan. Apalagi, anak didik Torey, tak dipungkiri, semuanya mengalami gangguan mental. Meski begitu, itu hanya sebuah "kesalahan kecil" yang tetap tidak mengganggu pembaca dalam mengikuti alur cerita dan upaya serius Torey dalam mencari solusi dalam memecahkan masalah yang dialami anak didiknya, termasuk masalah yang ditimpa Venus dalam kasus ini. ***
*) Nur Mursidi, cerpenis kelahiran Lasem, Rembang, Jawa Tengah.
(sumber: Surabaya Post, Minggu 15 Januari 2005)
Judul buku : Venus: Duka Lara Si Anak Cantik
Penulis : Torey Hayden
Penerbit : Qanita, Bandung
Terbit : Pertama, Juni 2004
Tebal buku : 612 halaman
TAK pernah terbayangkan sebelumnya kalau pengalaman serta perjuangan yang penuh dengan duka lara selama mendidik anak-anak berpendidikan khusus sejak 1979, pada akhirnya membawa Torey Hayden, pakar psikologi pendidikan yang lahir di Montana, Amerika Serikat, terdorong untuk menerbitkan menjadi sebuah cerita. Alih-alih, ia berharap mendapatkan sambutan luas atau bukunya laris di pasaran. Sebab, dia semula hanya menuliskan dalam "catatan harian" tentang kasus-kasus anak-anak didiknya di dalam buku mengajar dengan sedikit analisa ringan dan bagaimana cara untuk menyelesaikannya dengan baik.
Tapi, setelah ia menerbitkan buku pertamanya yang berjudul One Child 1980 (Sheila: Luka Hati Seorang Gadis Kecil) dan menjadi best seller serta diterjemahkan ke dalam berbagai bahasa, ia tidak hanya mantap untuk menjadi penulis, lebih dari itu, ia malah menyadari bahwa catatan-catatan hariannya memang layak diterbitkan. Tak pelak lagi buku selanjutnya bermunculan dengan kisah seputar anak yang mengalami gangguan mental. Di antaranya; Murpys's Boy (Kevin: Belenggu Masa Lalu), Just Another Kid (Murid istimewa: Jerit Liris Seorang Sahabat), Ghost Girl (Jadie: Tangis Tanpa Suara), Tiger's Child (Sheila: Kenangan yang Hilang).
Semua karya Torey Hayden itu telah diterbitkan oleh penerbit Qanita. Karena mendapat respon yang baik dari pembaca di Indonesia, kini penerbit Qanita menerbitkan lagi karya Torey, Beautiful Child (dengan judul Venus: Duka Lara si Anak Cantik). Sebenarnya kisah dalam karya ini tidak beda jauh dengan karya Torey, Ghost Girl (Jadie: Tangis Tanpa Suara). Jika dalam Ghost Girl, Jadie (tokoh utama) mengalami electife mutism dikarenakan siksaan dan "penyimpangan seksual" sampai mengalami penderitaan dengan tubuh yang hampir membungkuk dan enggan berbicara, dalam Beautiful Child, Venus (tokoh utama) juga mengalami electif mutism karena penyiksaan sampai mengalami hipotermia, hingga enggan berbicara.
Meski Torey Hayden tak bisa memastikan apa sebenarnya yang terjadi, setidaknya Venus terlihat sungguh katatonik. Tak cuma seperti seorang anak tunarungu, melainkan seperti menderita kerusakan otak atau kelainan mental. Ia seperti sebatang tanaman, yang hidup dan tumbuh tetapi tidak memberikan respon apa pun pada orang lain dan lingkungan sekitar. Venus setiap harinya hanya berdiam diri di temboknya sebelum masuk kelas dan saat istirahat. Ia baru masuk setelah diantar Wanda, kakak perempuannya (yang di kemudian hari diketahui ternyata ibu kandung Venus akibat dari pemerkosaan yang dilakukan Danny --ayah tiri Wanda).
Torey yang sudah lama menaruh minat pada electife mutism, tentu tak mau menyerah jika usahanya memang belum mengalami kebuntuan. Tak pelak lagi, meski teman-teman dan sejumlah guru (termasuk Bob, Kepala Sekolah pendidikan Khususnya) sudah memperingatkan pada Torey untuk tak melanjutkan niat untuk membuat Venus bisa bersuara. Itu karena keluarga besar Venus memang sungguh berantakan dan kerap kali terlibat kasus kriminal. Tetapi, Torey tak kenal lelah meski harus memulai sedari awal lagi, tatkala Venus yang sudah mulai akrab dengan Torey ternyata kerap kali bolos. Padahal, venus sebenarnya bisa bersuara.
Itu pernah terjadi ketika Venus, tak lagi mau masuk kelas saat jam istirahat sudah usai dan ia berdiam diri di tembok kesayangannya. Torey lalu mendekati Venus dan meraih tangannya, mendekap erat dengan tidak memberikan kesempatan bagi Venus untuk meloloskan diri. Tapi, betapa terkejutnya Torey ketika ia mendengar anak kumal yang oleh Wanda selalu dipanggil anak cantik meski wajahnya buruk apalagi sering pakai pakaian yang terkesan besar dan tak bersih, dengan terengah-engah bersuara, "Lepaskan aku!"
Di saat lain, adalah saat Torey membacakan Venus kisah komik She-Ra, Sang Dewi Kekuatan yang dengan "pedang ajaib" bisa menumpas bajak laut. Anak itu, tidak hanya berminat untuk mendengarkan dengan serius, tapi juga mulai menunjukkan minat untuk bersuara dan mau memegang pedang. Sungguh aneh bagi Torey, tetapi rentang waktu yang membuat Venus kerap bolos selalu menjadi kendala dan Torey seperti kehilangan moment untuk berkomunikasi lagi hingga anak itu dikabarkan dirawat di rumah sakit akibat menderita hipotermia dan kerusakan jaringan akibat pembekuan.
Sejak awal, Torey sebenarnya sudah menduga kalau di dalam keluarga Venus ada sesuatu yang tak beres berkaitan dengan perlakuan sewenang-wenang dari Danny. Selain itu, Teri (ibu Wanda) juga lebih dari tiga kali menikah dan terakhir dengan Danny. Tampaknya, Danny telah menyekap venus di kamar mandi seharian selama Venus tidak sekolah. Itu baru diketahui setelah Venus didiagnosis dan ditemukan memar-memar pada tubuhnya dan terdapat dua puluh retakan.
Danny lalu dihukum dan Venus diambil anak keluarga lain sebagai anak angkat. Lalu, ia masuk sekolah lagi dan berkat didikan dari Torey yang penuh cinta, Venus akhirnya bisa sedikit merespon terhadap orang lain dan tak lagi menunjukkan keganasan tatkala anak lain mendekatinya. Malah saat usai tahun ajaran, Venus sudah bisa menuliskan di lembar secarik kertas yang berbunyi, "Aku bahagia." Tentunya, hal itu membuat Torey bangga karena ia berhasil.
Tak bisa dipungkiri, membaca buku karya Torey ini pembaca pasti akan merasa tersentuh dengan kisah nyata yang dirangkai guru anak berpendidikan khusus ini sebab cukup mengaduk-aduk emosi dan empati siapapun. Hampir sama dengan karya Torey yang lain, buku ini setidaknya merupakan sumbangan besar yang tidak bisa dinafikan karena ia telah mendidik anak catat dengan cinta, dan dengan itu --dapat dikata-- Torey telah mengubah dunia.
Hanya sayangnya, Torey kerap lupa dalam hal dialog yang diungkapkan anak-anak didiknya. Sebab, dialog yang dirangkai kerap "melebihi kemampuan" anak yang bersangkutan. Apalagi, anak didik Torey, tak dipungkiri, semuanya mengalami gangguan mental. Meski begitu, itu hanya sebuah "kesalahan kecil" yang tetap tidak mengganggu pembaca dalam mengikuti alur cerita dan upaya serius Torey dalam mencari solusi dalam memecahkan masalah yang dialami anak didiknya, termasuk masalah yang ditimpa Venus dalam kasus ini. ***
*) Nur Mursidi, cerpenis kelahiran Lasem, Rembang, Jawa Tengah.
March 7, 2023
what a wonderfully eye opening, emotional book.
July 19, 2010
"Beautiful Child" written by Torey Hayden was well written and very informative. The story speaks to all who love children and want to reach out to the little ones who are trapped in silence, who cannot tell of the vicious acts that has happened to them to cause them to retreat into silence and into lashing out against any who try to get close enough to try to help them.
"Beautiful Child" is a awesome story told by Torey Hayden, and the steps she used to get close to Venus. Venus is a seven year old who is trapped in silence, who never speaks, listens, or acknowledges another human being that is in the same room with her. Anyone who accidently touched or bumped into her sent Venus into a rage that would take two people to control her, so she would not come to harm.
"Beautiful Child" is a journey into the world of children who live day to day in the world of silence, and then suddenly erupting into violence, that is very scary and very emotionally scarring on the child and the caretakers and the teachers who learn how to help these little ones, who do not have the words to tell of what is happening to them.
If you have never read any of Torey Hayden books then please do pick up her books, she has written "One Child", "Somebody Elses Kid". "Murphy's Boy", amoung other books.
"Beautiful Child" is a awesome story told by Torey Hayden, and the steps she used to get close to Venus. Venus is a seven year old who is trapped in silence, who never speaks, listens, or acknowledges another human being that is in the same room with her. Anyone who accidently touched or bumped into her sent Venus into a rage that would take two people to control her, so she would not come to harm.
"Beautiful Child" is a journey into the world of children who live day to day in the world of silence, and then suddenly erupting into violence, that is very scary and very emotionally scarring on the child and the caretakers and the teachers who learn how to help these little ones, who do not have the words to tell of what is happening to them.
If you have never read any of Torey Hayden books then please do pick up her books, she has written "One Child", "Somebody Elses Kid". "Murphy's Boy", amoung other books.
April 22, 2013
This is really a 3.5! I hadn't heard of Torey Hayden before reading this book and now want to read more of her work. Venus was a child in Torey's behavioral challenge class who simply hid within herself. While the focus of the book was on Venus and her slow emerging, I loved watching how Torey fostered a sense of group and belonging for all of the kids. This was the blossoming of a slow miracle and why I got into education in the first place.
September 2, 2013
This is the story of a child who won't speak, won't talk and really won't do anything at all! Torey Hayden displays amazing patience, insight and honesty as she recounts how she creatively approaches teaching Venus and some other unruly and mentally challenged children. An inspiring book.
December 22, 2019
Non è alta letteratura né deve esserlo. Ma è raccontata una realtà, come probabilmente ce ne sono tante in tutto il mondo, di un'insegnante che con tutti i suoi errori e la sua umanità si mette al servizio di bambini che, per gli orrori subiti, non sono più tali. Non indulge in particolari commiserevoli, non cerca la lacrima né la beatificazione ma vuole semplicemente raccontare ed è il taglio migliore da dare a questa vicenda.
Caso vuole che alcune ore prima di iniziarne la lettura io abbia incontrato una mia conoscente che quest'anno è stata adibita al sostegno. Di professione architetto e mamma, per alcuni anni ha seguito dei progetti nelle scuole superiori, sempre ovviamente in maniera discontinua. Poi per le misteriose vie dell'istruzione italiana, secondo la quale chiunque, ma proprio chiunque, può essere destinato al sostegno e alla cura di bambini che quando va bene hanno bisogni speciali, quando va male hanno gravi ritardi o patologie che li rendono pericolosi per se stessi e per altri, quest'anno è stata spostata sul caso di una ragazzina quattordicenne con un gravissimo ritardo psicomotorio e da molti insegnanti rifiutata perché oggettivamente tanto, troppo, impegnativa. Mi ha raccontato la storia di questa sua alunna e di come la sta affrontando e non ho potuto non ripensarci durante la lettura. E se sono certa che lei starà dando alla ragazzina tutte le cure e le capacità che può metterci, penso a tutti quegli altri bambini che, già sfortunati nella vita, si imbattono in persone impreparate, che non ne hanno voglia o capacità e mi intristisco e mi incazzo. Si può dire incazzo? Perché arrabbiarsi e indignarsi non basta
Caso vuole che alcune ore prima di iniziarne la lettura io abbia incontrato una mia conoscente che quest'anno è stata adibita al sostegno. Di professione architetto e mamma, per alcuni anni ha seguito dei progetti nelle scuole superiori, sempre ovviamente in maniera discontinua. Poi per le misteriose vie dell'istruzione italiana, secondo la quale chiunque, ma proprio chiunque, può essere destinato al sostegno e alla cura di bambini che quando va bene hanno bisogni speciali, quando va male hanno gravi ritardi o patologie che li rendono pericolosi per se stessi e per altri, quest'anno è stata spostata sul caso di una ragazzina quattordicenne con un gravissimo ritardo psicomotorio e da molti insegnanti rifiutata perché oggettivamente tanto, troppo, impegnativa. Mi ha raccontato la storia di questa sua alunna e di come la sta affrontando e non ho potuto non ripensarci durante la lettura. E se sono certa che lei starà dando alla ragazzina tutte le cure e le capacità che può metterci, penso a tutti quegli altri bambini che, già sfortunati nella vita, si imbattono in persone impreparate, che non ne hanno voglia o capacità e mi intristisco e mi incazzo. Si può dire incazzo? Perché arrabbiarsi e indignarsi non basta
September 18, 2024
Really the glad I read this book as I am beginning my career as a teaching assistant and have lots of interactions with kids with SEN.
I really appreciated Toreys take on authenticity - aka not being completely positive all the time regardless of the child's actions.
Because let's face it - this is not how interactions work in the real world which they will inevitably enter as they grow up. Additionally, you want to distinguish your reactions to positive and harmful behaviors not react the same to all because it creates no incentive for the child to learn to regulate their behavior.
I loved her firm but fair attitude and most of all her total determination and compassion. Incredible teacher.
I was a little surprised at the authors shock at discovering the details of one of the children's abusive family. It seemed obvious to me but I suppose this Torey was probably focused on getting through each extremely and chaotic day to deeply contemplate the origin of these children's unusual and antisocial behavior.
I really appreciated Toreys take on authenticity - aka not being completely positive all the time regardless of the child's actions.
Because let's face it - this is not how interactions work in the real world which they will inevitably enter as they grow up. Additionally, you want to distinguish your reactions to positive and harmful behaviors not react the same to all because it creates no incentive for the child to learn to regulate their behavior.
I loved her firm but fair attitude and most of all her total determination and compassion. Incredible teacher.
I was a little surprised at the authors shock at discovering the details of one of the children's abusive family. It seemed obvious to me but I suppose this Torey was probably focused on getting through each extremely and chaotic day to deeply contemplate the origin of these children's unusual and antisocial behavior.
March 20, 2022
Wow wow wow. An incredible read! The imagery within allowed me to feel as if I was in the classroom with the children and teaching staff. Bring your Kleenex for the last few chapters! Torey Hayden’s realization of a child’s perspective of the abuse and neglect they endure offers a crucial reminder for those of us who work with children every day. Definitely a must-read for general education teachers, special education teachers, social workers, administrators, foster parents, and anyone else who devotes their life to creating a better world for children.
December 14, 2025
This was my 2nd book by Hayden and I devoured it in 24 hours. It is interesting reading about her approaches with these types of children from 25ish years ago because those are the types of children I work with now (as a speech-language pathologist). Venus' story was terribly heartbreaking and so very frustrating to see the lengths that abuse needs to go to before appropriate measures are taken.
October 28, 2019
Special needs children have always had a special place in my heart. As difficult as this book was to read, it was equally inspiring and heartwarming. I'm grateful that the author decided to let us know how the kids in this book grew up- mostly, very normally. I think that just goes to prove that when someone is willing to love and take the time with children that may seem a little unloveable or difficult, amazing things can happen. ❤️
May 11, 2020
Torey Hayden wrote an incredible book. She showed readers that everyone is beautiful and deserves a chance. She is a truly wonderful human being.
December 28, 2024
surullinen mutta lohduttava 🫶 oli ihanaa nähdä kaikkien hahmojen jatkuva kehitys kirjan edetessä
August 21, 2025
3.5⭐️
June 30, 2020
Qui ho sbagliato a non scrivere subito la recensione, ho fatto passare troppo.
Perché tutte le belle parole che avevo in mente sono sfuggite via.
Vediamo ripescare qualcosa dalla mia memoria. Ma solo di quello che volevo scrivere perché la storia è ben impressa nella mia mente.
La storia è una storia realmente accaduta: la scrittrice Torey Hayden è un'insegnante per bambini "speciali", che hanno diversi problemi e malattie.
La storia non è solo quella di Venus ma di tutta la sua classe. Una classe con solo cinque alunni, con gravi patologie che vanno dalla sindrome di Tourette alla sindrome alcolica fetale.
Lo so, quello che sto per scrivere non è molto consono, perché le malattie sono gravi ma questi bambini sembrano proprio non accorgersi di averle. Sono bambini e si comportano come tali nonostante le limitazioni che comportano le loro malattie. Io ho riso con le lacrime in alcuni punti, sia per l'approccio di Tori ma anche per i modi di fare di uno di loro, che a quanto pare, è quello con meno problemi di tutti ma è quello più ingestibile dal punto di vista comportamentale.
In tutto questo contesto movimentato, per il problema opposto spicca la silenziosa Venus. Ogni suo movimento è lentissimo, non risponde agli stimoli se non con molto ritardo.
Ma Tori la prende a cuore più degli altri. Ogni piccolo passo che fa in avanti la catapulta molto indietro appena Venus non si ripresenta il giorno dopo.
E' indubbio che ci sia un problema di ritardo mentale ma non riesce a comprendere quale sia.
Anche la sorella, che in realtà si scoprirà essere la madre, è ritardata, ma in lei è evidente.
Tutta la famiglia vive nel degrado, in una roulotte fredda, piccola e sporca. Nessuno si cura di lei se non la sorella, con tutti i problemi.
A volte gli episodi negativi servono a migliorare la situazione. Eh si, perché nonostante gli sforzi della scuola di far intervenire i servizi sociali, tutto è inutile e Venus continua a fare alti e bassi, peggiora a vista d'occhio. Ma una tormenta di neve e ghiaccio blocca la città e la bambina ha un principio di assideramento.
Grazie all'intervento della professoressa e a questo brutto episodio viene finalmente allontanata da "casa" e curata.
Qui un leggero cambiamento. Anche se poi la piccola soffrirà per la mancanza della sorella, anche lei affidata ad una comunità. Ma l'amore dell'insegnate e della famiglia affidataria farà si che la piccola gradualmente inizi a socializzare e soprattutto familiarizzare col mondo, senza avere più quegli attacchi violenti che la caratterizzavano quando era spaventata.
Una storia triste, reale e particolare, con un bel finale, l'aiuto concreto che Tori non solo ha dato a Venus ma all'intera classe.
Un libro da leggere, che fa riflettere ma che anche, come dicevo prima, mi ha rallegrato in alcune serate, per la spontaneità dei bambini!
Perché tutte le belle parole che avevo in mente sono sfuggite via.
Vediamo ripescare qualcosa dalla mia memoria. Ma solo di quello che volevo scrivere perché la storia è ben impressa nella mia mente.
La storia è una storia realmente accaduta: la scrittrice Torey Hayden è un'insegnante per bambini "speciali", che hanno diversi problemi e malattie.
La storia non è solo quella di Venus ma di tutta la sua classe. Una classe con solo cinque alunni, con gravi patologie che vanno dalla sindrome di Tourette alla sindrome alcolica fetale.
Lo so, quello che sto per scrivere non è molto consono, perché le malattie sono gravi ma questi bambini sembrano proprio non accorgersi di averle. Sono bambini e si comportano come tali nonostante le limitazioni che comportano le loro malattie. Io ho riso con le lacrime in alcuni punti, sia per l'approccio di Tori ma anche per i modi di fare di uno di loro, che a quanto pare, è quello con meno problemi di tutti ma è quello più ingestibile dal punto di vista comportamentale.
In tutto questo contesto movimentato, per il problema opposto spicca la silenziosa Venus. Ogni suo movimento è lentissimo, non risponde agli stimoli se non con molto ritardo.
Ma Tori la prende a cuore più degli altri. Ogni piccolo passo che fa in avanti la catapulta molto indietro appena Venus non si ripresenta il giorno dopo.
E' indubbio che ci sia un problema di ritardo mentale ma non riesce a comprendere quale sia.
Anche la sorella, che in realtà si scoprirà essere la madre, è ritardata, ma in lei è evidente.
Tutta la famiglia vive nel degrado, in una roulotte fredda, piccola e sporca. Nessuno si cura di lei se non la sorella, con tutti i problemi.
A volte gli episodi negativi servono a migliorare la situazione. Eh si, perché nonostante gli sforzi della scuola di far intervenire i servizi sociali, tutto è inutile e Venus continua a fare alti e bassi, peggiora a vista d'occhio. Ma una tormenta di neve e ghiaccio blocca la città e la bambina ha un principio di assideramento.
Grazie all'intervento della professoressa e a questo brutto episodio viene finalmente allontanata da "casa" e curata.
Qui un leggero cambiamento. Anche se poi la piccola soffrirà per la mancanza della sorella, anche lei affidata ad una comunità. Ma l'amore dell'insegnate e della famiglia affidataria farà si che la piccola gradualmente inizi a socializzare e soprattutto familiarizzare col mondo, senza avere più quegli attacchi violenti che la caratterizzavano quando era spaventata.
Una storia triste, reale e particolare, con un bel finale, l'aiuto concreto che Tori non solo ha dato a Venus ma all'intera classe.
Un libro da leggere, che fa riflettere ma che anche, come dicevo prima, mi ha rallegrato in alcune serate, per la spontaneità dei bambini!
March 21, 2019
An enjoyable read, similar in a way to One Child but clearly demonstrates how Torey and her methods have changed in the years between the two books. Another to keep on the bookshelf!
March 19, 2019
Great book. I found it very touching and thought provoking - an amazing read.
April 18, 2015
Ho letto questo libro della Hayden-primo per me- perchè incoraggiata ed invogliata da recensioni lette qua e là, tutte più che positive e non me ne sono pentita!Il libro ti cattura subito, pur non essendo scorrevole e anzi, avendo di norma un ritmo molto lento e ripetitivo, ma questo dà modo al lettore di riuscire a comprendere il lavoro di un insegnante alle prese con una classe di cinque bambini con problemi di disabilità, la fatica e l'impegno quotidiano, le sconfitte e le piccole vittorie.E' una realtà che mi ha coinvolto molto, riportando alla luce ricordi degli anni d'insegnamento nelle scuole "speciali",realtà in cui, pur avendo degli studi specifici alle spalle, ogni giorno devi calibrare quello che sai e quelle che sono le tue doti empatiche personali per cercare di trovare una breccia, intuire il modo giusto per riuscire ad interagire con bambini molto diversi tra loro e altrettanto diversi dagli standard comuni.Esperienza e molto impegno ed amore sono gli ingredienti che non mancano a Torey nel rapportarsi ai suoi cinque alunni, ognuno con la sua personalità, limiti e problematiche anche gravi, ma sarà Venus che focalizzerà su di sè gran parte dell'attenzione e dell'impegno di Torey, in una sfida molto difficile e dagli esiti per niente scontati.Una lettura che fa male, portandoci dentro un mondo che non conosciamo, fatto di bambini costretti a crescere con genitori anafettivi ed incapaci di dare semplici regole, in condizioni di disagio estremo.Ma, d'altra parte, l'autrice ci regala anche pagine che fanno sorridere emozionandoci, quando cerca di spiegare la realtà ai bambini , o quando gli stessi si pongono domande sulla vita e sulla morte, dimostrando una saggezza da adulti.Billy, il ragazzino che all'inizio viene descritto come irrequieto, sempre pronto alle scazzottate e incapace di concentrarsi, si rivelerà il "filosofo" del gruppo", facendoci scappare più di una lacrima con le sue considerazioni su temi come l'amicizia,le regole e l'appartenenza ad un gruppo,la sua convinzione che le maestre debbano avere "una cosa speciale in cui trovare le risposte".Venus, con il suo lungo e faticoso persorso riuscirà ad aprire in noi uno spiraglio di ottimismo, rivelandoci che, finchè esistono persone come Torey Hayden, c'è ancora speranza.
February 1, 2016
Review: Beautiful Child by Torey Hayden. An emotional but wonderful true story for us all to read.
Torey is a trained specialty teacher who cares and provides many different skills to her beautiful gifted students. This year her class consisted of five all day unstable young children and other children who came off and on throughout the day. All her students are equally cared for but sometimes she has a student that needs more understanding and care then another. Without taking time away from the others she spends a lot of her free time with this one seven year old child named Venus.
The small child never spoke, listened, or even acknowledged the presence of another human being around her. However, if she was outside in the school yard and someone accidentally bumped into her, Venus would release a frightening rage for others to witness. She would display piercing screeches, and ravaging aggressive kicks, bites to who she thinks is going to harm her. For Torey this was a trying, perplexing and ultimately serious case but she struggled and was propelled to find some understanding to this young girl 19s life. She knew it would be a strenuous journey and probably terrible revelations to learn about this unmanageable girl. Torey remained committed to helping a hopeless child, and patiently and lovingly leading Venus toward the light of a new day and brightening the days of her other students.
Torey is an extraordinary teacher determined never to abandon a child in need 26..
Torey is a trained specialty teacher who cares and provides many different skills to her beautiful gifted students. This year her class consisted of five all day unstable young children and other children who came off and on throughout the day. All her students are equally cared for but sometimes she has a student that needs more understanding and care then another. Without taking time away from the others she spends a lot of her free time with this one seven year old child named Venus.
The small child never spoke, listened, or even acknowledged the presence of another human being around her. However, if she was outside in the school yard and someone accidentally bumped into her, Venus would release a frightening rage for others to witness. She would display piercing screeches, and ravaging aggressive kicks, bites to who she thinks is going to harm her. For Torey this was a trying, perplexing and ultimately serious case but she struggled and was propelled to find some understanding to this young girl 19s life. She knew it would be a strenuous journey and probably terrible revelations to learn about this unmanageable girl. Torey remained committed to helping a hopeless child, and patiently and lovingly leading Venus toward the light of a new day and brightening the days of her other students.
Torey is an extraordinary teacher determined never to abandon a child in need 26..
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