I'm Sorry You Got Mad

by Kyle Lukoff, Julie Kwon (Illustrator)

Newbery Honor-winner Kyle Lukoff explores the importance of learning to apologize.

Jack wants to apologize for hurting Zoe's feelings. He just can't seem to find the right words. 

Turns out there's more to an apology than just saying "I'm sorry."

Elevated by equally charming illustrations and text, I'm Sorry You Got Mad is a journey in learning the importance of an apology that goes deeper than just words.

Genres: Picture Books, School, Friendship, Childrens, Emotion, Realistic Fiction, Mental Health

32 pages, Hardcover

First published August 27, 2024

About the author

Kyle Lukoff writes books for kids and other people.

Before becoming a full-time writer, Kyle worked at five bookstores, in four libraries, for three schools, as two genders, through one intersection: people, and books.

Reviews

[zara · Rating 5 out of 5]

such a valuable tool for talking to kids (and maybe adults) about accountability, and I loved the pictures too!

[Rod Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

A teacher helps an angry boy write his way through a slew of drafts for a note of apology to his classmate. Cute, funny, and a good lesson for all of us about what it really means to be sorry.

[Sivan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I guess I don't like epistolary format in kids' books either.
Since the story is epistolary, the pictures don't actually add much to the story, in the sense that they don't actually help to convey the story at all. Our MC is writing a letter -- sorry you got mad. But he is the one who appears mad in the pictures. As the story unfolds you'll learn why

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

[miyopastronot · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was such a hilariously sincere and natural story. I especially loved the countless tries and that pencil sharpening scene haha. Truly Oscar worthy!!
A consistent story with a lovely ending.

Being a child is a wonderful thing.
So are children's books.
💛

[Srujan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Children's Picture Book 1 of 2026 - Narrated through a series of crumpled notes from one friend to another, this book conveys beautifully what it means to apologise and what should one's apology consist of. Something that both children and adults alike need to learn. ( or unlearn and relearn, maybe. :) )

Filed under:

* Children's Picture Books are for adults too.
* Feelings and Emotions
* Manners and Etiquette

[Sari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is just so excellent. I love not only the topic of what a real apology looks like, but the exploration of remorse vs blame-shifting. I love when children’s books help me to self-reflect or see things in a new light and this book does both.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book to share with kids to discuss what a sincere apology looks like.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adults have this tendency to tell kids to "say they're sorry." So the kid will grudgingly do so, but do the words actually mean anything to them (or the recipient)? I love how the teacher in this story really digs down and makes the kid work out why he did what he did, acknowledge what he did wrong, sincerely apologize, and offer to make amends. The art is great and showing how mad the writer is, and the text is merely his various attempts to write an apology (and the teacher's responses in getting him to make it better). Kids will totally get how aggrieved the kid is, even if it seems like he is the one who knocked down another kid's block castle. This would work as a classroom unit even for older elementary kids on what a good apology contains and why.

[Katie Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love everything about this ingenious book! I love the epistolary style. I love the facial expressions throughout and interpreting how everyone is feeling. I love discovering why Jack broke the castle and watching his process of building a stronger apology. The page where Jack is sharpening his pencil in fury might be my favorite for the wide eyed concern on all his classmates faces. So priceless! Really, really funny and well done and would be a great discussion book about apologies but also expressing feelings.

[Patricia Q · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started laughing when he was sharpening his pencil really fast. This is the cutest. Love the ending.

[Guilherme Semionato · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr7s9...

https://www.facebook.com/JECChildrens...

[Ann Haefele · Rating 5 out of 5]

A young elementary school age boy learns what it means to truly be sorry by his teacher guiding him through writing an appropriate apology note to a classmate. Story is told through “I’m sorry “ notes and the illustrations. Would be good to lead into a class discussion about apologies.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm Sorry You Got Mad is genuinely a fun and funny story while also having a great message. The story is told through letters, with the protagonist writing an apology letter. Unfortunately, he isn't really ready to apologise and must rewrite the letter until he can offer a sincere and adequate apology. It shows us what a real apology should look like, while having a great sense of humour and fun art. Recommended!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book about a child struggling to apologize properly to a classmate. Told through notes between the child and his teacher, and then eventually a note from the wronged party. It's written with a lot of empathy and heart, and will be a good example for kiddos learning to say sorry.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. I know some adults who could use this book and learn how to apologize.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must purchase for all school libraries. Perfection.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this child-appropriate, but beneficial to everyone, book about how to make an apology, as well as acknowledge that we often hurt others when we are displacing our own hurt.

[Phyllis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read to me by my 8-year-old granddaughter ZRN. About how to make an effective healing apology.

[Shella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic way to model to responsibility. Loved how letters told the whole story.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a young boy who is trying to apologize to a friend for knocking down their castle. It explains that good apology includes explaining what you did wrong, saying that you're sorry, and what you'll do to fix it. The book is written in notes and it works really well.

Also ISWTG some adults need to read this.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great lesson in how to make an apology. Nice illustrations. As beneficial to adults as it is to children.

[Sharon Skinner · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely lesson book that guides rather than preaches.

[Susan Dunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fun story! Jack is supposed to write an apology note to his classmate Zoe - but it takes several tries, and gentle encouragement from his teacher, before he gets it right.

[Uri Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this 2024 picture book written by Kyle Lukoff and illustrated by Julie Kwon, there are no spoken words. It's a series of apology notes written by Jack to Zoe for knocking down her castle of blocks. (Is this first grade? The kids can write but still play with blocks in the corner of their classroom.)

At the beginning, the two-page spread (which takes up the entire two pages – there's no white space through the book) shows a boy in class scowling with his arms crossed. A note is displayed that says simply "SORRY ZOE – JACK."

The next spread has him frowning while sharpening a pencil aggressively. The new note says "DEAR ZOE, I'M SORRY YOU GOT SO MAD!!! JACK" – but underneath is written, in a different hand, "Dear Jack, Please try again. Love, Ms. Rice."

The next several notes show Jack undergoing a gradual process of improving his apologies. His facial expressions also start showing some remorse.

Then there's a note that starts: "Dear Zoe, Ms. Rice says that a real apology has to say three things: (1) What I did (2) That I'm sorry (3) And I'll help you fix it. So..." This apology too is inadequate (it includes "I'm sorry, I guess").

Several more notes are shown crossed out or crumpled up.

Finally Jack reveals the backstory behind his acting out: two other boys declared that he couldn't play with Zoe's castle "because castles are for girls. And that made me mad. And sad." Ms. Rice's note tells Jack that he's almost there and that she'll speak to those two boys.

Finally Jack writes a good apology and hands it to Zoe, and in the next scene she hands back a note of thanks that invites him to help her build a new castle.

On the final page, above the copyright info, the two other boys are scowling with a bunch of crumpled-up notes.

Last year I read the impressive On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World by Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg. (I reviewed it here.) Well, you can put I'm Sorry You Got Mad on the same shelf; it's a clever and funny way of showing kids how to apologize and how NOT to apologize.

[Hawthorne & Magnolia · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A real apology has to have three things:
1. What I did
2. That I’m sorry
3. And I’ll help you fix it.”

This book is a must read for both children and adults! When I was growing up, adults would solve interpersonal conflicts by deciding which child was “wrong” and forcing them to “say sorry” to the other child. Shockingly, this method isn’t effective. It doesn’t acknowledge the hurt the children are feeling, and it arbitrarily ends the conflict without a meaningful resolution. It’s not surprising that I still struggle with apologies- I recently had to apologize to another adult and I used this book for reference!

The conflict resolution skills depicted in this book make it worth its weight in gold. I don’t typically read epistolary books, but the format is a perfect fit for this story. Julie Kwon, the illustrator, did an incredible job. I can feel the emotions coming off the page, especially as Jack, the protagonist, furiously sharpens his pencil. His handwriting is so realistic, and I love seeing how it changes with his mood and writing utensil.

In addition to the guidance in conflict resolution, author Kyle Lukoff also critiques traditional gender roles. In art class we learn that Jack wanted to play with Zoe, but “…couldn’t because castles are for girls. And that made me mad. And sad.” His teacher, Ms. Rice, empathizes with him and promises to speak to the male classmates who shared their unwanted opinions.

Finally, Jack hands the finished letter to Zoe. I was rooting for Jack throughout the book and was so relieved on his behalf! Zoe’s reply is so sweet, and I love that she expresses how mad she was. Thanks to Ms. Rice, both children were given the time and space to calm down so that they were able to resolve their own conflict. Seeing Jack and Zoe building a castle together on the last page makes me want to cry happy tears.

[Emily G · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I said I was sorry!”

How many times has a child you live with, work with, or care for said that to you? You probably weren’t sure how to respond to that, even if you doubted they had any understanding of what they did wrong. Maybe they’d just mistreated another child. You’re standing there feeling like you can’t do anything to mend the relationship, because “sorry” always seems to end the conversation, whether it’s meant or just said before the guilty party runs off to play something else.

At the beginning of I’m Sorry You Got Mad by Kyle Lukoff, angry youngster Jack and his patient teacher, Ms. Rice, are dealing with a similar situation. Jack’s first few attempts at an apology letter aren’t much more than the word “sorry” scribbled in all caps. It takes him many tries to create a real, heartfelt apology—and Ms. Rice has to help Jack uncover the big emotions that are getting in the way of him actually feeling sorry for his mistake. Jack is angry, but he’s hurting too—and it’s coming out in ways that look mean in the eyes of his classmates (and probably some adults).

Jack is truly fortunate to have a teacher like Ms. Rice, who helps him work through his big emotions at his own pace and teaches him that “a real apology has to say three things: 1) What I did 2) That I’m sorry 3) And I’ll help you fix it.” And we’re fortunate to have this book, which is a great tool for teaching ages 4-8 about making and feeling a real apology. Julie Kwon’s illustrations show us a busy classroom with lots of emotions and big personalities at play. And Kyle Lukoff’s simple text, entirely written in Jack’s apology notes, shows the development of Jack’s apology, from a scribbled SORRY to an apology that truly helps mend the relationship.

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you really sorry? Sometimes it takes some time to really be sorry for something you did. I think that is what really is happening in this children’s book which takes place in a classroom. The teacher is having Jack write a letter of apology to Zoe for something he did, and I don’t think he’s ready.

Jack’s first attempts at the letter are short and I mean short. He crumples that attempt and tosses it into the garbage. The next couple attempts at a letter include more words, but you can see that Jack is not really sorry for what he did. He is just making his teacher happy by attempting to write this apology. Each page of this book shows Jack’s attempts of writing an apology note to Zoe and you can feel his mood start to change. By watching the illustrations in the book, you can also see how Jack watches Zoe and how he feels towards her. At first, he is mad but later he starts to miss his friendship with her, and he understands that he must apologize to be her friend again.

I like how Jack has to work through his feelings in this book and how Zoe watches his throughout the day. I liked how the teacher encouraged Jack and helped him throughout the process. The illustrations supported the message the book tried to convey, and I liked the color-scheme that was used. 4.5 stars

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a big fan of this one. The lesson is perfect for both young and old. Feelings are complex and it can be difficult to understand how to identify them, process them, express and manifest them, and direct them.

And then there is an apology. We’ve been taught to say I’m sorry, but it’s different to mean or intend it-to actually feel sorry for it and take accountability for actions or words. To me it’s like the difference when you say “I apologize” and when you say “I’m sorry.”

This book does a great job showing the processing of the feelings and the process of being sorry. I think writing a letter can be a great way to process and ensure you express yourself in the way you want.

There were some letters in the middle that could’ve sufficed, but I think the final product allowed the time for the child to actually feel the words and overcome the event and not just write them.

And then I love the illustration that this is not the only child in the classroom that needs to learn this. That this one instance is not the only instance. Life goes on and unfortunately the teacher’s job is never done, especially when we’re all humans having human experiences.

[Nicole Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book my honest opinion.

      Out of a classic non-apology apology comes a wonderful book. I love everything about this book. The illustrations are adorable and very good at expressing the true emotions of Jack as he figures out how to deal with his feelings of anger, disappointment, and (ultimately) sadness. I love that the teacher has Jack write out his apology, and instead of just telling him to go apologize, she monitors the process, nudging Jack toward not only a true apology, but also why he destroyed Zoe’s castle. The notes are spot-on kid emotions, and I love the clear, concise definition of what makes an apology. Lastly, I love that Lukoff not only made the girls making the castle, but that Jack was upset because the other boys were telling him castles were only for girls, a nice jab at genderized toxicity, which our wonderful teach takes care of as well. A wonderful book for any kid (and many adults) to learn how to apologize for your mistakes, perfect for the classroom, siblings, or anyone who has a habit of using the non-apology apology.