The Grammar of My Body : A Memoir

by Abhishek Anicca

'Abhishek Anicca chooses vulnerability, honesty and psychic nakedness as his weapons against the ubiquity of ableism. A searing read and an important book' ― Jerry Pinto, author of 'Em and the Big Hoom' and 'The Education of Yuri'

'Searingly honest, wholly moving, Anicca’s writing is an imperative, necessary voice in an often thoughtlessly ableist world―but beyond that of a poetic soul seeking love, lived experience, life' ― Janice Pariat, author of 'Everything the Light Touches'

'How can we see a person, how can we be a person, how can we live in love? Abhishek’s book is suffused with a radical and difficult political journey of self-love that imagines and insists on a deeply caring idea of equality; its prose, funny, painful, delicate, spare and as unhesitatingly truthful as poetry' ― Paromita Vohra, creative director, Agents of Ishq

'Abhishek Anicca’s writing embodies radical courage. From years of processing pain in solitude, Abhishek has honed a luminous, poetic voice. His prose is minimal. Bare. Breezy. There is no time to wallow. Words get to the point like sharp darts. With its startling candour, stunning self-awareness and deep comfort with vulnerability, Abhishek’s writing is a gift to the reader. Despite the accelerating losses he endures, Abhishek has written an essential love letter. His body may betray him, his dreams may be thwarted, but there is no giving up on this difficult relationship that also sustains him. Acceptance shines through, so does endurance and ultimately, there is a reconciliation between the wounded, broken parts of the self' ― Natasha Bhadwar, author of 'My Daughters’ Mom'

'To read this book is to hear Abhishek Annica talking in your right ear. Bitter, hopeful, funny, self-aware, wise in the ways of the world, fed-up and romantic. Annica has a poet-and-performer’s approach to prose―intimate and intentional. When you read The Grammar of My Body, you get every shade of Annica and a whole kaleidoscope of experiences of disability and chronic illness in India. This is a book everyone needs to read' ― Nisha Susan, author of 'The Women Who Forgot to Invent Facebook and Other Stories'

Taking a big dump on an ableist India’s expectations from a disabled person to be ‘inspirational’ and an ‘underdog who made it’ despite their illness, Abhishek Anicca writes about everyday stories of living with disability and chronic illness in this memoir-in-essays.

With piercing mindfulness and radical vulnerability, Annica writes sparse and compelling essays on the self, questions of care and dignity, dating and navigating desire as a queer-disabled man, self-hatred, moving about with a crutch, chronic pain and shame, the chilling lack of representation in the media and reflections on nearing death.

With writing that is conversational and informal, truthful and unflinching, Anicca’s wry and urgent essays compel the reader to become at once distant from and proximate to their inner experiences.

256 pages, Hardcover

Published December 4, 2023

About the author

ABHISHEK ANICCA is a bilingual (English and Hindi) writer, poet and spoken word artist. He identifies as a person with locomotor disability and chronic illness, which shapes his creative endeavours. He is the founder of Dislang, a digital magazine that publishes narratives by disabled people, a mentor for the South Asian Speaks Fellowship and has guest-edited for Agents of Ishq. His non-fiction work has appeared in the Times of India, DNA, Outlook, The Equator Line, The Third Eye, The Quint, Unbias The News, Devex, IndiaSpend, Agents of Ishq, In Plainspeak and Kitaab among other print and digital publications. His poetry has appeared in Nether Quarterly, Gulmohur Quarterly, The Alipore Post, Rhetorica Quarterly (Lucknow), The Sunflower Collective, Indian Cultural Forum, RHiME, Posham Pa, Jankipul, Samalochan, Prabhat Khabar, Apni Maati, Antrang (collection), Battling for India (anthology) and The Yearbook of English Poetry 2021 (anthology). Abhishek tweets at X and posts on Instagram @abhishekanicca.

Reviews

[Dr. Appu Sasidharan (Dasfill) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir written by Abhishek Anicca, who is successfully living his life overcoming a health condition called VATER syndrome. Most of the memoirs of people struggling with health conditions are written in a manner where positive and inspiring aspects of their lives are highlighted, and negatives are mostly filtered out. In my opinion, this gives only a cursory reading experience and gives the readers a false perception of life. On the other hand, Abhishek shows no deference to these unnecessary clichés regularly stumble upon in memoirs.

The author is brutally honest and shares his life and feelings inside out without any filters. He never deludes the readers by taking them into toxic positivity realms and even deprecates the attempts made by the other authors who are trying to hoodwink the readers regarding the same.

This memoir is so raw that a few readers will be rattled while reading its initial few chapters. Abhishek's life is something so unique, and I am sure it will be made into a biopic in the future if any talented Directors happen to read this book.

What I learned from this book
1) What is VATER syndrome?
VATER syndrome is also called the VACTERL association. It is an acronym that tells us about the complex condition that affects the affected parts of the body.

V - Vertebrae (Vertebral defects)
A - Anus (Anal atresia)
C - Cardiac (Heart defects)
T - Trachea
E - Esophagus (Tracheo- esophageal fistula)
R- Renal (Kidneys and Urinary tract anomalies)
L - Limb & Radius (Unusually short radius (forearm bone))

“VATER syndrome. It was only in my thirties that I became familiar with the term VATER or VACTREAL Association, a rare disorder which is a motley collection of three or more congenital characteristics that occur together. In my case, apart from imperforate anus (A for Anal Atresia), I was born with scoliosis (V for vertebral defects) and ectopic kidney (Renal Anomalies)."

2) What is one of the important lessons that Abhishek has learned in his life?
If you ask me one single takeaway from this book, I will tell you the sentence quoted below. It can be said easily, but the author shows that it takes a lot of maturity and understanding to fully execute it in our lives.

"If there is anything I have learnt as a disabled and ill person, it is to accept things the way they are."

3) How can a person with a disability live independently in India?
This is a topic that needs immediate attention. Besides a few metro cities and urban centers, most of India is still not disabled-friendly. Public transportation, malls, railway stations, and many other public and private sector buildings must change a lot. However, it is encouraging that a few leaders have started considering this topic.

A few leaders are still unaware of a few other vital topics that also require immediate attention. The author discusses them thoroughly in this book.

"Living independently as a person with a disability can be an expensive business. Crowded public transport can be difficult with my fragile legs. Cabs are expensive. Medicines, medical tests, diapers—all part of my day-to-day living—take a toll on my finances. Add to that the cost of medical emergencies and a crisis that is always knocking on the door."

4) Why is it said that we have a long way to go to call ourselves inclusive?
Inclusivity is a topic that is discussed all around the world. Whether it is a developed or developing nation, people are still way behind in understanding this topic. Let us hope that we will reach a situation where everyone will understand the true meaning of inclusivity.

"Humiliation is an everyday experience for most disabled people."

My favourite three lines from this book

"I don't need to believe in love to write love poems. ”

"Perhaps for me, love is finding a space within myself where I can be truly free. Free from identity, from the need for validation, from the expectations of acceptance. Love, for me, is the end of all forms of yearning."

"Loving yourself is an exercise that doesn't involve any exercise."

What could have been better?
The strange thing about this book is that its biggest negative is also its biggest positive, which is precisely why I recommend this book to everyone. His opinion about dating, disappointment, diapers, ugliness, pain, and illness will definitely cause some discomfit in your mind. I can't complain if a reader says that the author should have put a small filter for removing certain lines while writing this book. In my opinion, the way the author wrote it is the sheer beauty of it, and after completing it, you will be so happy that you selected this book and will probably reread it a couple more times.


Rating
4.5/5
This is a beautiful memoir that will help you look at your life from a different dimension and help you become a better individual.

Huge thanks to Penguin India for sending me a copy of this book.

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[Chavvi · Rating 5 out of 5]

These personal pieces are as raw and as honest as they get. Abhishek sits you down for a conversation, and you listen - without interrupting. The kind of vulnerable conversation you have if you're lucky to have an excellent companion, the kind that stays with you, and encourages you to spend some quiet time - examining, forgiving - with yourself too.

[Swapna Peri ( Book Reviews Cafe ) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Readers of Abhishek Anicca's memoir "The Grammar of My Body" are invited inside a frank and unedited study of living with VATER syndrome, a health condition that has profoundly affected his path. Unlike many stories that skim over the challenges of living with sickness, Anicca bravely goes into his experiences, rejecting poisonous positivism in favour of unflinching honesty. Rather than submitting to the urge to embody the 'inspirational' or 'overcoming sickness' story, Anicca presents a nuanced study of his daily circumstances, shining light on the subtle nuances of his personality, body, and needs. Through his forthright narration, he opens a crucial window for able-bodied people to recognise their privilege and promote a more inclusive and supportive atmosphere for handicapped people.
With emotional reflection, Anicca dismantles the clichés commonly connected with resilience stories, providing readers with a refreshingly realistic account of his life's highs and lows. Through his forthright insights, he forces readers to confront hard facts about love, disappointment, and the fundamental difficulties of human existence.

The process of producing a memoir heavily relies on memory, and Anicca approaches the subtleties and possible gaps in his memories with candour and reflection. Stories and introspection are complicated; some memories are vividly recalled as they happen, while others require a careful balancing act between sensitivity and self-preservation.

Anicca's persistent devotion to sincerity is central to the narrative, both unsettling and eventually enriching the reader's experience. His forthright remarks on relationships, pain, and the reality of daily life may first make you uncomfortable, but it is just this discomfort that encourages development and contemplation.

While "The Grammar of My Body" may challenge traditional notions of memoir, its greatest strength is its capacity to elicit profound contemplation and empathy. Anicca's journey is a moving reminder of the human spirit's perseverance and the transformational power of facing life's challenges.

[Tvesha Kothari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, resonant, and deeply necessary.

I finished The Grammar of My Body in just two days, making it my fastest read yet; but the impact it left will stay much longer. As someone living with a chronic illness, I’ve rarely felt seen in the way this book made me feel. I didn’t just read it—I nodded aggressively, paused often, underlined, highlighted, and scribbled notes about why certain lines felt like they were pulled from the corners of my own experience.

What stood out most was its honesty. Abhishek Anicca doesn’t romanticize pain, nor does he drown it in performative positivity. His words are raw, yet never seeking pity; vulnerable, yet fiercely self-owned.

The part that struck me most was when he described crying—not from pain but from the frustration of how the world is. That nuance is rarely captured in writing about chronic illness, and it made me feel comforted.

This book is a reminder of how important it is to represent chronically ill and disabled lives with authenticity, complexity, and dignity. The Grammar of My Body is a quiet rebellion against erasure, and a tender companion for anyone who’s been made to feel alien in their own skin.

Highly recommend for those looking for truth, not performance.

[Aakarsh Kankaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

An emotional narrative filled with radical honesty, naked truths, and deep reflections. Anicca’s memoir is one of those books that will change the way you think about your lived experiences.

Looking forward for more!

[trupti tapasi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unlike any other book I have read. Raw, inspiring and unapologetic

[Gokul KP · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful piece of art. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was to encounter inside the book. It was so good I re-read it within a week!