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自私的藝術: 快樂有理，自私無罪！別再讓「過度妥協」控制你的餘生，美國心理學權威給無私好人的50個自救箴言
＼情勒滾！／ ＼責任感OUT！∕ ＼沒禮貌SO WHAT？∕
致親愛的讀者：
「人生很短，而你真的不需要這麼累！」
美國心理學界權威令所有無私好人相見恨晚的一本書
原來，光有愛是不夠的……你有足夠的智慧與自私嗎？
在家庭、職場、愛情與人際關係中，
為什麼那些「自私的人」過得更幸福？
★ 英文版上市旋即空降《紐約時報》暢銷榜冠軍
★ 長銷半世紀的心理自助經典，拯救了一整個世代「低潮的你」
心理學家大衛‧西伯里，在經手上千個諮商案例後發現，人們最常遇到的生活困境、感情糾葛、家庭紛爭、人際關係，乃至於日積月累的壓力影響身體健康……所有問題的源頭，往往指向那個被人們誤解的「無私」精神，以及邪惡的自私。
於是，西伯里決定致力推廣「自私的藝術」──他堅信拒絕別人的邪惡自私、捍衛自我的「良性自私」，才是人們能獲得幸福快樂的關鍵因素。
● 社交困擾讓你心好累？日復一日有禮貌、做人情、做面子，消耗掉你太多的能量？
● 面對需索無度的家人，是否還要繼續「善盡義務」？
● 你符合婚內失戀SOP嗎？「如果你愛我、你應該為了我、應該要做到……」
● 最親密的人是控制狂，只能無限妥協下去
致親愛的讀者：
「人生很短，而你真的不需要這麼累！」
美國心理學界權威令所有無私好人相見恨晚的一本書
原來，光有愛是不夠的……你有足夠的智慧與自私嗎？
在家庭、職場、愛情與人際關係中，
為什麼那些「自私的人」過得更幸福？
★ 英文版上市旋即空降《紐約時報》暢銷榜冠軍
★ 長銷半世紀的心理自助經典，拯救了一整個世代「低潮的你」
心理學家大衛‧西伯里，在經手上千個諮商案例後發現，人們最常遇到的生活困境、感情糾葛、家庭紛爭、人際關係，乃至於日積月累的壓力影響身體健康……所有問題的源頭，往往指向那個被人們誤解的「無私」精神，以及邪惡的自私。
於是，西伯里決定致力推廣「自私的藝術」──他堅信拒絕別人的邪惡自私、捍衛自我的「良性自私」，才是人們能獲得幸福快樂的關鍵因素。
● 社交困擾讓你心好累？日復一日有禮貌、做人情、做面子，消耗掉你太多的能量？
● 面對需索無度的家人，是否還要繼續「善盡義務」？
● 你符合婚內失戀SOP嗎？「如果你愛我、你應該為了我、應該要做到……」
● 最親密的人是控制狂，只能無限妥協下去
308 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1920
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August 22, 2011
True or False: Ayn Rand’s The Virtue of Selfishness was the first book on egoism intended for a popular audience.
False. A quarter century earlier came The Art of Selfishness, a number one bestseller by psychiatrist David Seabury.
At times, Seabury sounds strikingly similar to Rand: “We have been left for centuries with only the echo of a workable philosophy. We have been given no true middle way between insipid spirituality and brute conquest: either act like a stained-glass saint or ape a tyrant” (p. 122). But unlike Rand’s book, The Art of Selfishness is a self-help book, not a work of philosophy. It is not systematic. It does not work from first principles and basic observations about human nature. It is not especially careful about terminology. It is not trying to prove its case.
But it is useful. Seabury offers a cornucopia of practical advice. For example: “Keep your problems objective. Don’t identify with them. Don’t become involved or personal. Treat them as an interesting experience and do what you can in each new adventure” (p. 40).
The Art of Selfishness uses an informal case study approach on the model of medicine. Seabury also adds discussions of principle and many lists of how to do and not do things, ranging from how to invest to how to get to sleep.
Seabury reduces his ideas to two basic principles, which help to organize his thinking. The first is: "Never compromise yourself" (pp. 4-5). I take it to mean, "never surrender your judgment or your authentic needs."
The second principle is: “No ego satisfactions” (pp. 4-5). This may give pause to an admirer of Rand's work, but in Seabury's context, it means: no spite, no self-aggrandizement, no martyrdom, etc. In Nathaniel Branden’s terms, it means: “no pseudo-self-esteem.” As Seabury says about this principle: “To win, you must obey nature. Her will, not yours, is omnipotent” (page 5).
Some of Seabury’s notions derive directly from the two principles. For example: “Nothing becomes an obligation merely because someone tells you it is” (p. 61). Some, while consistent with the two principles, derive more from Seabury’s clinical insight, as on page 103 where he counsels, “Make your thinking into experience. Make your theories tangible.... Try out your ideas by imagining them in action.” There are gems like this scattered throughout the book.
Some more examples:
On pages 138-9, Seabury discusses the use of sex manuals and the danger of employing them mechanically. He advises identifying with the methods, becoming one with them, and following them as an artist follows his technique.
On the subject of sex, Seabury spins one of many witty remarks when speaking of a shy but inwardly passionate man: “At heart he is a son of Eros. He would like to have a hairy chest and follow the phallus to everlasting glory” (p. 140).
Much of Seabury’s advice is common sense (although it probably wasn’t when the book was first published in 1937), but some of it is quite amazing. In the chapter “How to Avoid Suicide,” he states, “If your primary relation is social, every trend of the group … will overpower you. Only he who makes some basic contact with natural objects, things of the earth, its animals and trees, its minerals and mechanics — only he is safe” (p.145). We could point out that Seabury's inventory of reality is a bit too narrow, but his basic point is surely sound.
One of my favorite chapters is “New Skills for Quarreling.” It brims with good advice, such as remaining silent while your partner gets to speak her piece, and bringing to the surface any unadmitted fears that might motivate your own position.
In addition, he lists some of the common blame patterns. One pattern worth mentioning is blaming someone for being born as they are. Seabury encourages accepting the assortment of talents and dispositions one has inherited from one's ancestors, and not trying to force oneself into a cookie cutter.
A lot of the advice in The Art of Selfishness is concerned with difficult people; there are at least three mentions of kicking parasitic in-laws out of the house.
Sometimes, however, one wants or needs to keep a person in one’s life. In such cases, Seabury counsels “scheming,” or benign manipulation — referring to techniques such as reverse psychology. A reader would have to decide for him- or herself the appropriateness of such techniques, which may strike some as questionable. For example, if your husband has a contrary nature and always wants the opposite of what you suggest, Seabury might advise that you suggest the opposite of what your want.
At the same time, Seabury repeatedly advocates benevolence and mutual aid. He has an enlightened attitude on the subject of women and children. He is explicit in stating that selfishness does not require hurting other people. In fact, he proposes that unselfishness hurts people because it keeps them dependent.
Not everything in The Art of Selfishness is wonderful. Seabury is often philosophically confused, speaking of "good" and "evil" selfishness, and "good" and "evil" unselfishness, without making totally clear the principles that differentiate them. He is unclear about the human need for self-esteem, and consistently condemns pride as a vice. Perhaps his biggest fault as a writer is his tendency to deluge the reader with lists of loosely catalogued precepts and observations — a symptom of his lack of theoretical structure.
On the other hand, The Art of Selfishness has much to offer in the way of practical wisdom, and the reader who patiently mines it can discover many a gemstone. Seabury may not offer formal definitions of the cardinal virtues, but he will tell you how to say “no.”
Maybe the best take on Seabury’s work is that he offers abundant raw material that can be edited, corrected, and integrated by the philosopher in each of us to provide a fleshed-out science of living.
(review originally published on The Atlasphere)
False. A quarter century earlier came The Art of Selfishness, a number one bestseller by psychiatrist David Seabury.
At times, Seabury sounds strikingly similar to Rand: “We have been left for centuries with only the echo of a workable philosophy. We have been given no true middle way between insipid spirituality and brute conquest: either act like a stained-glass saint or ape a tyrant” (p. 122). But unlike Rand’s book, The Art of Selfishness is a self-help book, not a work of philosophy. It is not systematic. It does not work from first principles and basic observations about human nature. It is not especially careful about terminology. It is not trying to prove its case.
But it is useful. Seabury offers a cornucopia of practical advice. For example: “Keep your problems objective. Don’t identify with them. Don’t become involved or personal. Treat them as an interesting experience and do what you can in each new adventure” (p. 40).
The Art of Selfishness uses an informal case study approach on the model of medicine. Seabury also adds discussions of principle and many lists of how to do and not do things, ranging from how to invest to how to get to sleep.
Seabury reduces his ideas to two basic principles, which help to organize his thinking. The first is: "Never compromise yourself" (pp. 4-5). I take it to mean, "never surrender your judgment or your authentic needs."
The second principle is: “No ego satisfactions” (pp. 4-5). This may give pause to an admirer of Rand's work, but in Seabury's context, it means: no spite, no self-aggrandizement, no martyrdom, etc. In Nathaniel Branden’s terms, it means: “no pseudo-self-esteem.” As Seabury says about this principle: “To win, you must obey nature. Her will, not yours, is omnipotent” (page 5).
Some of Seabury’s notions derive directly from the two principles. For example: “Nothing becomes an obligation merely because someone tells you it is” (p. 61). Some, while consistent with the two principles, derive more from Seabury’s clinical insight, as on page 103 where he counsels, “Make your thinking into experience. Make your theories tangible.... Try out your ideas by imagining them in action.” There are gems like this scattered throughout the book.
Some more examples:
On pages 138-9, Seabury discusses the use of sex manuals and the danger of employing them mechanically. He advises identifying with the methods, becoming one with them, and following them as an artist follows his technique.
On the subject of sex, Seabury spins one of many witty remarks when speaking of a shy but inwardly passionate man: “At heart he is a son of Eros. He would like to have a hairy chest and follow the phallus to everlasting glory” (p. 140).
Much of Seabury’s advice is common sense (although it probably wasn’t when the book was first published in 1937), but some of it is quite amazing. In the chapter “How to Avoid Suicide,” he states, “If your primary relation is social, every trend of the group … will overpower you. Only he who makes some basic contact with natural objects, things of the earth, its animals and trees, its minerals and mechanics — only he is safe” (p.145). We could point out that Seabury's inventory of reality is a bit too narrow, but his basic point is surely sound.
One of my favorite chapters is “New Skills for Quarreling.” It brims with good advice, such as remaining silent while your partner gets to speak her piece, and bringing to the surface any unadmitted fears that might motivate your own position.
In addition, he lists some of the common blame patterns. One pattern worth mentioning is blaming someone for being born as they are. Seabury encourages accepting the assortment of talents and dispositions one has inherited from one's ancestors, and not trying to force oneself into a cookie cutter.
A lot of the advice in The Art of Selfishness is concerned with difficult people; there are at least three mentions of kicking parasitic in-laws out of the house.
Sometimes, however, one wants or needs to keep a person in one’s life. In such cases, Seabury counsels “scheming,” or benign manipulation — referring to techniques such as reverse psychology. A reader would have to decide for him- or herself the appropriateness of such techniques, which may strike some as questionable. For example, if your husband has a contrary nature and always wants the opposite of what you suggest, Seabury might advise that you suggest the opposite of what your want.
At the same time, Seabury repeatedly advocates benevolence and mutual aid. He has an enlightened attitude on the subject of women and children. He is explicit in stating that selfishness does not require hurting other people. In fact, he proposes that unselfishness hurts people because it keeps them dependent.
Not everything in The Art of Selfishness is wonderful. Seabury is often philosophically confused, speaking of "good" and "evil" selfishness, and "good" and "evil" unselfishness, without making totally clear the principles that differentiate them. He is unclear about the human need for self-esteem, and consistently condemns pride as a vice. Perhaps his biggest fault as a writer is his tendency to deluge the reader with lists of loosely catalogued precepts and observations — a symptom of his lack of theoretical structure.
On the other hand, The Art of Selfishness has much to offer in the way of practical wisdom, and the reader who patiently mines it can discover many a gemstone. Seabury may not offer formal definitions of the cardinal virtues, but he will tell you how to say “no.”
Maybe the best take on Seabury’s work is that he offers abundant raw material that can be edited, corrected, and integrated by the philosopher in each of us to provide a fleshed-out science of living.
(review originally published on The Atlasphere)
February 12, 2010
And I quote, "The answer to the pressure of our days is one and simple: dare. Dare to live while life is passing. You'll never live otherwise. Set a limit on what you are willing to bear. Call this your adjustment marjin, your wall of personality. "They shall not pass" beyond that line beyond that line, no matter who or what they are.
That's what I took away from this book. Excellent read!!
That's what I took away from this book. Excellent read!!
December 24, 2024
(هذا الكتاب دليلٌ مُرشِدٌ للتعامل مع أنانية الآخرين. فما يعتبرونه أنانيةً هو في الواقع أنانيتهم هم، وليس أنانيتك أنت. بمجرد أن تستوعب هذه الحقيقة، ستكون قد خطوت خطوةً كبيرة نحو حياةٍ أكثر سعادة ورضا)
مبدئياً ترجمة الكتاب سيئة، والكلام متداخل لدرجة عجزت عن فهم ما يريده الكاتب في بعض الأجزاء.
الأقتباسات التالية ليست بأسلوب الكتاب ولكن أجريت عليها عدة تعديلات حتى تظهر في صورة متماسكة ومفهومة..
♡ معظمنا يشعر بالخوف ولا يمتلك الشجاعة لقول "لا" للأشخاص أو المواقف التي تزعجنا أو تدمرنا.فلقد تعلمنا أن نشعر بالذنب عندما نرفض طلب شخص ما، مهما كان سخيفًا. لذا نحمل العالم على أكتافنا ونعاني من تعذيب الضمائر.
♡ إن إنكار الذات لدعم من يزعمون عدم قدرتهم على الاعتماد على أنفسهم يؤذي في النهاية الشخص المدعوم، فالحياة تهدف إلى النمو والتطور، وليس إلى تدليل الأنا وتشجيع الكسل
♡ "يسأل أحدهم: ماذا يجب أن أفعل مع أختي المكتئبة؟
أجبته: كن أكثر كآبة منها، تحدث وتحدث عن مشاكلك، استمتع بوقتك في اليأس عندما تكون معها، وانظر كيف ستغير سلوكها في غضون شهر غالباً.
دائماً ما يخشى الرجال بكاء المرأة .. لا يوجد شيء يستحق الخوف منه.
أبدا البكاء عندما تبكي المرأة وستتوقف على الفور .. جرب ذلك وستفاجأ بالنتائج"
😂😂 وهذه واحدة من أغرب النصائح التى وجدت بالكتاب.
♡ (لا يمكنك قياس قدرة أعدائك عندما يخافون منك)
لن تعرف أبداً القوة الموجودة في الآخرين إلا إذا منحتها الفرصة للتعبير عن نفسها. ولا يمكن لقوة شخص آخر أن تظهر إذا كانت قوتك تتفشى بلا حدود.
ولكن إذا كشفت عن احتياجاتك ونقاط ضعفك، فإن غطرسته تظهر بهذه الطريقة وحدها.
♡ "ألا تلاحظون هذا التناقض الغريب؟ فالأشخاص الذين يبذلون قصارى جهدهم من أجل الآخرين، بلا كلل ولا ملل، غالباً ما يفقدون حب هؤلاء الذين يضحون من أجلهم.
هذه ليست مجرد ملاحظة عابرة، بل هي قانون كوني .. الناس يحبوننا كما نحن. وعندما نضيع أنفسنا تحت أعباء يتوقعونها منا، يلوموننا دون وعي على فقدان تلك الشرارة التي أطفأتها تلك الأعباء"
♡ إن أغلب الضغوط في حياتنا كانت لتختفي لو سمحنا لأصدقائنا وأسرنا بأن يعيشوا حياتهم بأنفسهم، الحياة التي يمكنهم أن يعيشوها في حدود معرفتهم وقدرتهم.
♡ "في جنوب أفريقيا، يحفر الناس بحثاً عن الماس، حيث يتم نقل أطنان من التراب للعثور على حَصاة صغيرة لا يتجاوز حجمها ظفر إصبع صغير.
يبحث عمال المناجم عن الماس، وليس التراب، وهم على استعداد لرفع كل هذا التراب من أجل العثور على الماس.
في الحياة اليومية، ينسى الناس هذا المبدأ ويصبحون متشائمين لأنهم يرون أن التراب أكثر من الماس.
عندما تواجهك المشاكل، لا تخف من السلبيات بل ابحث عن الإيجابيات واستخرجها، فهي ذات قيمة كبيرة بحيث لا يهم إذا كان عليك التعامل مع أطنان من التراب"
مبدئياً ترجمة الكتاب سيئة، والكلام متداخل لدرجة عجزت عن فهم ما يريده الكاتب في بعض الأجزاء.
الأقتباسات التالية ليست بأسلوب الكتاب ولكن أجريت عليها عدة تعديلات حتى تظهر في صورة متماسكة ومفهومة..
♡ معظمنا يشعر بالخوف ولا يمتلك الشجاعة لقول "لا" للأشخاص أو المواقف التي تزعجنا أو تدمرنا.فلقد تعلمنا أن نشعر بالذنب عندما نرفض طلب شخص ما، مهما كان سخيفًا. لذا نحمل العالم على أكتافنا ونعاني من تعذيب الضمائر.
♡ إن إنكار الذات لدعم من يزعمون عدم قدرتهم على الاعتماد على أنفسهم يؤذي في النهاية الشخص المدعوم، فالحياة تهدف إلى النمو والتطور، وليس إلى تدليل الأنا وتشجيع الكسل
♡ "يسأل أحدهم: ماذا يجب أن أفعل مع أختي المكتئبة؟
أجبته: كن أكثر كآبة منها، تحدث وتحدث عن مشاكلك، استمتع بوقتك في اليأس عندما تكون معها، وانظر كيف ستغير سلوكها في غضون شهر غالباً.
دائماً ما يخشى الرجال بكاء المرأة .. لا يوجد شيء يستحق الخوف منه.
أبدا البكاء عندما تبكي المرأة وستتوقف على الفور .. جرب ذلك وستفاجأ بالنتائج"
😂😂 وهذه واحدة من أغرب النصائح التى وجدت بالكتاب.
♡ (لا يمكنك قياس قدرة أعدائك عندما يخافون منك)
لن تعرف أبداً القوة الموجودة في الآخرين إلا إذا منحتها الفرصة للتعبير عن نفسها. ولا يمكن لقوة شخص آخر أن تظهر إذا كانت قوتك تتفشى بلا حدود.
ولكن إذا كشفت عن احتياجاتك ونقاط ضعفك، فإن غطرسته تظهر بهذه الطريقة وحدها.
♡ "ألا تلاحظون هذا التناقض الغريب؟ فالأشخاص الذين يبذلون قصارى جهدهم من أجل الآخرين، بلا كلل ولا ملل، غالباً ما يفقدون حب هؤلاء الذين يضحون من أجلهم.
هذه ليست مجرد ملاحظة عابرة، بل هي قانون كوني .. الناس يحبوننا كما نحن. وعندما نضيع أنفسنا تحت أعباء يتوقعونها منا، يلوموننا دون وعي على فقدان تلك الشرارة التي أطفأتها تلك الأعباء"
♡ إن أغلب الضغوط في حياتنا كانت لتختفي لو سمحنا لأصدقائنا وأسرنا بأن يعيشوا حياتهم بأنفسهم، الحياة التي يمكنهم أن يعيشوها في حدود معرفتهم وقدرتهم.
♡ "في جنوب أفريقيا، يحفر الناس بحثاً عن الماس، حيث يتم نقل أطنان من التراب للعثور على حَصاة صغيرة لا يتجاوز حجمها ظفر إصبع صغير.
يبحث عمال المناجم عن الماس، وليس التراب، وهم على استعداد لرفع كل هذا التراب من أجل العثور على الماس.
في الحياة اليومية، ينسى الناس هذا المبدأ ويصبحون متشائمين لأنهم يرون أن التراب أكثر من الماس.
عندما تواجهك المشاكل، لا تخف من السلبيات بل ابحث عن الإيجابيات واستخرجها، فهي ذات قيمة كبيرة بحيث لا يهم إذا كان عليك التعامل مع أطنان من التراب"
July 31, 2011
A collection of essays by a clinical psychologist in what was probably one of the earliest self-help books. What he calls "selfishness" is more like what we call "self-assertiveness" today, and the change in terms may have occurred because of the negative reactions he got to this book, especially from religious leaders. Much of the content is from interesting situations and changes reported by patients seen by Seabury and his colleagues.
November 19, 2024
فلنضع المثالية جانبا .. ونتمتع بأنانيتنا 😀
كتاب حلو جدا
كتاب حلو جدا
June 18, 2018
I finally decided to abort seeing the book through about halfway. I have found my mood took a dip to the negative as a result of the focus on the dark side of lives. I have been learning about self-love and have made solid progress in the subject both intellectually and on a practical level, and I perused this book at the recommendation of a book of the same subject and I went in with a lucid appreciation of the definition of the word “selfish” and its ready miscomprehension in common parlance.
Although my feeling of being engulfed in negativity as I read this book may well be only partially attributed to the book and in places I found myself amused by the audacious advice dispensed for the writer’s clients, chiefly I was left feeling uncertain of how a number of the anecdotes relate to his thesis.
The two “rules” he set out — never compromise yourself, and no ego satisfaction — were helpful as a lighthouse when I got lost in the scattered points made in each chapter with unhelpful title.
Although my feeling of being engulfed in negativity as I read this book may well be only partially attributed to the book and in places I found myself amused by the audacious advice dispensed for the writer’s clients, chiefly I was left feeling uncertain of how a number of the anecdotes relate to his thesis.
The two “rules” he set out — never compromise yourself, and no ego satisfaction — were helpful as a lighthouse when I got lost in the scattered points made in each chapter with unhelpful title.
January 12, 2023
This book should be a must read for every human being. It is not something you can read straight through---there is a lot to digest but all so fruitful in learning how to love yourself and others well. What that really looks like and means without allowing society to attach shame or pride to loving yourself.
March 29, 2019
What a book ?! I have taken so many notes from it.
Picture of its quotes and saved in my mobile. I need to re-read it again, to come back to it, every now and then.
Picture of its quotes and saved in my mobile. I need to re-read it again, to come back to it, every now and then.
August 23, 2021
My very first self-healing book which I picked up seriously and caused me to dig into my emotions and the wrong mindset that I was always holding on.
Selfish in someway is necessary for your own emotional health.
Selfish in someway is necessary for your own emotional health.
September 5, 2023
Great information in this book. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your needs before those of others.
June 5, 2025
自私遠比用來譴責人的字眼要來的深奧，犧牲與追求自我之間的平衡道路就此開啟。
January 26, 2026
나는 뻔뻔하게 살가로했다. 김정한 옮김.
I found what I was looking for. loved what I found. 3.75
I found what I was looking for. loved what I found. 3.75
February 15, 2024
Definitely a little outdated in terms of language and some cultural references as it is almost 100 years old, but there is a lot of valuable insight, advice, perspective as well.
April 24, 2023
“The Art of Selfishness” is a book written by David Seabury that explores the idea of selfishness in a positive light. The book emphasizes the importance of prioritising one’s own needs and desires, and argues that doing so can actually lead to greater happiness and success in life.
The book emphasizes two key principles:
The Law of Being — “Never compromise yourself,” no matter what the situation is.
The Magic Formula for Relationships — “No ego satisfaction” — never exalt yourself or vent your emotions to inflate your own ego.
Failure in work and personal life is often caused by either a rigid attitude that doesn’t allow for compromise, or by compromising too much. Knowing when to compromise and when not to is key.
We can only conquer obstacles when we understand ourselves and follow a way of life that matches our nature. Frustration is the result of half-measures; if you go against yourself, it will cause trouble.
The question of living life is not just a matter of wisdom, but of daring. You may have the intelligence to find a practical solution, but the key is having the nerve to follow through on that solution.
There is always a method or instrument to address any problem we face. Smartness is figuring out that method and following through on it.
Where we put our attention when countering a problem — whether we focus on worrying about the problem or on finding a solution — will determine how well we can solve it.
We can’t teach people simply by telling them; we must help them discover the truth for themselves.
The greatest causes of failure are self-doubt and self-blame. Next to these is the effort to become someone else whom we are not, simply because a person or situation demands it. We must be true to ourselves, regardless of the situation.
The heart of a conversation is simple: find what interests both you and the other person. You can only hold a conversation by finding something that is interesting to both parties.
You can be generous, gracious, kind, courteous, cooperative, and courageous, yet still fail if you lack skill. Love alone is not enough; it needs its mate — wisdom.
When art is lacking in anything we do, idiocy takes its place.
Most troubles don’t come from outside ourselves, but from within.
Virtue is not just about being good, but about having the power to fulfill goodness.
The book emphasizes two key principles:
The Law of Being — “Never compromise yourself,” no matter what the situation is.
The Magic Formula for Relationships — “No ego satisfaction” — never exalt yourself or vent your emotions to inflate your own ego.
Failure in work and personal life is often caused by either a rigid attitude that doesn’t allow for compromise, or by compromising too much. Knowing when to compromise and when not to is key.
We can only conquer obstacles when we understand ourselves and follow a way of life that matches our nature. Frustration is the result of half-measures; if you go against yourself, it will cause trouble.
The question of living life is not just a matter of wisdom, but of daring. You may have the intelligence to find a practical solution, but the key is having the nerve to follow through on that solution.
There is always a method or instrument to address any problem we face. Smartness is figuring out that method and following through on it.
Where we put our attention when countering a problem — whether we focus on worrying about the problem or on finding a solution — will determine how well we can solve it.
We can’t teach people simply by telling them; we must help them discover the truth for themselves.
The greatest causes of failure are self-doubt and self-blame. Next to these is the effort to become someone else whom we are not, simply because a person or situation demands it. We must be true to ourselves, regardless of the situation.
The heart of a conversation is simple: find what interests both you and the other person. You can only hold a conversation by finding something that is interesting to both parties.
You can be generous, gracious, kind, courteous, cooperative, and courageous, yet still fail if you lack skill. Love alone is not enough; it needs its mate — wisdom.
When art is lacking in anything we do, idiocy takes its place.
Most troubles don’t come from outside ourselves, but from within.
Virtue is not just about being good, but about having the power to fulfill goodness.
June 24, 2011
Excellent book. A bit dated so some users may find that at times it's not politically correct in speaking to the genders. David Seabury gives you a new perspective on 'selfishness'. If you don't like the word 'selfishness', substitute with "self-regard" or "filling your own cup so whatever you do or give comes from the heart"
June 10, 2011
sometimes we must think of ourselves just to avoid our kindness been manipulated by others.
This book give us the other side of the stories- different prespective..
This book give us the other side of the stories- different prespective..
June 7, 2012
Written in 1937 with much wisdom....The Art of Selfishness is a practical guide to contentment.
July 21, 2012
Written years ago...but still relevant.
October 31, 2012
Pleasurable.
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