It’s summer in South Jersey, so I was really excited to read this story (it’s too short for me to consider it a book)…
This was CLUNKY!
The dialogue was so unnatural and awkward. Characters would out autobiographical information into conversations that the other people in the conversation would definitely already know. This is not great storytelling.
An example would be if this was the conversation I had had a few minutes ago:
Me: Good morning, Coach Mary. How are you?
Mary: Well, as the swim coach for your kids who are on the swim team, I am really busy, because it’s summer! We have practices every morning, two afternoons a week, plus two meets a week. Not to mention the pep rallies. I work at Jersey Swim Club! How is your husband, Mike, who is an account any at a very competitive firm?
Just… ick.
There were also little incorrect details that irked me. For example, Ocean City is not in Gloucester County, it’s in Cape May County. People don’t drink Root Beer at Manco & Mancos, they get Birch Beer.
Oh well.