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Retrain Your Anxious Brain: Practical and Effective Tools to Conquer Anxiety
Control Anxiety Before it Begins
Trouble sleeping, panic attacks, knots in your stomach, excessive worry, doubts, phobias?anxiety comes in many shapes and sizes, and affects millions of people. But you don't have to suffer anymore. In Retrain Your Anxious Brain, renowned therapist and anxiety expert John Tsilimparis, MFT, shares the groundbreaking program he's created to help hundreds of people (himself included) free themselves from crippling anxiety and live healthier, happier lives.
Trouble sleeping, panic attacks, knots in your stomach, excessive worry, doubts, phobias?anxiety comes in many shapes and sizes, and affects millions of people. But you don't have to suffer anymore. In Retrain Your Anxious Brain, renowned therapist and anxiety expert John Tsilimparis, MFT, shares the groundbreaking program he's created to help hundreds of people (himself included) free themselves from crippling anxiety and live healthier, happier lives.
256 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2014
119 people are currently reading
1060 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
July 2, 2016
I'm sitting in Barnes and Noble with some co-workers, banging through this book while our clients frolic and play in the meadows (which is a HIPPA-friendly euphemism for "read manga"), and Tsilimparis is telling me that I haven't been able to sleep without the aid of physical exhaustion or sedatives since I was BORN because I'm trying to control everything, all the time, forever.
Natch, I don't feel that way, because I've always done it and your psych has all sorts of exciting gymnastic means of protecting the soft and squishy underbelly of your self-concept. The book has been blasting me with "you gotta accept that anxiety isn't just a situation that happens to the weak and pitiful, it's a fundamental miscommunication between your idea of the world and your reaction to it" and "you gotta take responsibility for your anxiety or it'll never go away".
Brow a-furrow, I'm going, "Wait, your solution is to whine about it? Whining about it has never helped anything before. What about if I bottled up and buried it somewhere deep in the bog of my unconscious, like a slowly fermenting chemical bomb?"
And Tsilimparis is like "Bro you're like five years and two degrees into your Psych education, you can't legitimately see that as a sustainable plan."
I'm chatting with a co-worker about the books we're looking at and I shrug and say, "Yeah, I got a lot of friends with heavy anxiety, and I never know what to tell 'em. Figured I should find out."
And she nods and says, "Yeah, I know that feeling. I got anxiety pretty bad myself."
It's at that moment I realize that I'm almost lying. It's true that I know people worse off than me, friends who have experienced panic attacks that weren't a side-effect of food poisoning, or uncontrollable hyperventilation, the irrepressible racing thoughts and a familiarity with fear that I can't really even imagine, but that doesn't mean I'm just reading this exclusively for them, and it JUST TOLD ME I need to take responsibility for it, and stop trying to control everything, which includes other people's perceptions of me.
I came clean.
"Yeah, honestly, me too. Never been much good at falling asleep, and I'm trying to get myself into a situation where I can drink coffee in the morning and be tired sixteen hours later."
"They tried to prescribe me pills for it," she said, "But I never took 'em. I don't like 'em."
"Wow," I said, with what probably qualified as a revelation, "Me too, and me either. Exact same situation."
And with that, I was sold. Tsilimparis was on to something.
He dressed it up real nice, using quotes from philosophers and writers that I liked just about all of. Sartre said "All introspection is retrospection", which accurately describes the grim situation that takes place in my skull if I oversmoke myself.
T.S. Eliot said "Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity", which makes a lot of sense from a biological perspective. The issue is the frantic, emotionally charged connections that your brain is making. When that power isn't being used for psychological self-destruction, that seems a pretty accurate definition of creativity.
And then Eckhart Tolle: "What will be left of all the fearing and wanting associated with your problematic life situation that every day takes up most of your attention? A dash, one or two inches long, between the date of birth and date of death on your gravestone."
Huh. All right. You win.
The toolkit itself is intro-level CBT. You take a look at whatever's geeking you out, recognize your reaction as having been manufactured by an erroneous belief set, introduce a new belief set, see how it changes the thinking that caused your reaction, and then write that bad boy down until it's a fixture in your head. There were also a series of unhelpful bodily relaxation exercises.
Yeah, I've been trying to stretch and breathe since I was five years old. You know what bodily relaxation exercise worked for me? 5-rep deadlifts. Get outta here with your bullshit prana.
At the end of the book, he advocates meditation. I'm on board with that one. Science backs it up and it's chilled me out in the past.
End of the day, all right, I'm probably anxious, and I probably wouldn't trade that away if given the choice. My inability to relax is like a shitty superpower. My perpetually scrabbling mind and shifting attention have given me a wealth of knowledge in a lot of different areas. My physical inexhaustability has kept me steadily working, coasting through school, and maintaining a regular gym routine for years now, to say nothing of my dozens of useless hobbies (most of which I am pretty okay at). Not to mention the whole book-writing thing. If you've read this far, I must be doing something right, and that's gotta be anxiety's fault, too.
I'll take anxiety for what it is. I'm not gonna treat it like a crutch and I'm never gonna request special treatment because of it, since this is just how I am. Asking people to go out of their way to accommodate my psychological structure is not only narcissistic, it's akin to apologizing for how I am, and I'm not gonna start that shit at this point in the game.
I am gonna work on letting go. There's probably some tragic Freudian childhood excuse for why I wound up being a control freak, but blame-shifting is Extra-Innings Useless. It accomplishes nothing, except fostering resentment, and my subconscious swamp is already overburdened with those slowly fermenting fertilizer bombs we talked about.
Welp. Guess Ima go sit on the floor and do nothing for ten minutes. Hashtag therapy, amirite fellas?
Natch, I don't feel that way, because I've always done it and your psych has all sorts of exciting gymnastic means of protecting the soft and squishy underbelly of your self-concept. The book has been blasting me with "you gotta accept that anxiety isn't just a situation that happens to the weak and pitiful, it's a fundamental miscommunication between your idea of the world and your reaction to it" and "you gotta take responsibility for your anxiety or it'll never go away".
Brow a-furrow, I'm going, "Wait, your solution is to whine about it? Whining about it has never helped anything before. What about if I bottled up and buried it somewhere deep in the bog of my unconscious, like a slowly fermenting chemical bomb?"
And Tsilimparis is like "Bro you're like five years and two degrees into your Psych education, you can't legitimately see that as a sustainable plan."
I'm chatting with a co-worker about the books we're looking at and I shrug and say, "Yeah, I got a lot of friends with heavy anxiety, and I never know what to tell 'em. Figured I should find out."
And she nods and says, "Yeah, I know that feeling. I got anxiety pretty bad myself."
It's at that moment I realize that I'm almost lying. It's true that I know people worse off than me, friends who have experienced panic attacks that weren't a side-effect of food poisoning, or uncontrollable hyperventilation, the irrepressible racing thoughts and a familiarity with fear that I can't really even imagine, but that doesn't mean I'm just reading this exclusively for them, and it JUST TOLD ME I need to take responsibility for it, and stop trying to control everything, which includes other people's perceptions of me.
I came clean.
"Yeah, honestly, me too. Never been much good at falling asleep, and I'm trying to get myself into a situation where I can drink coffee in the morning and be tired sixteen hours later."
"They tried to prescribe me pills for it," she said, "But I never took 'em. I don't like 'em."
"Wow," I said, with what probably qualified as a revelation, "Me too, and me either. Exact same situation."
And with that, I was sold. Tsilimparis was on to something.
He dressed it up real nice, using quotes from philosophers and writers that I liked just about all of. Sartre said "All introspection is retrospection", which accurately describes the grim situation that takes place in my skull if I oversmoke myself.
T.S. Eliot said "Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity", which makes a lot of sense from a biological perspective. The issue is the frantic, emotionally charged connections that your brain is making. When that power isn't being used for psychological self-destruction, that seems a pretty accurate definition of creativity.
And then Eckhart Tolle: "What will be left of all the fearing and wanting associated with your problematic life situation that every day takes up most of your attention? A dash, one or two inches long, between the date of birth and date of death on your gravestone."
Huh. All right. You win.
The toolkit itself is intro-level CBT. You take a look at whatever's geeking you out, recognize your reaction as having been manufactured by an erroneous belief set, introduce a new belief set, see how it changes the thinking that caused your reaction, and then write that bad boy down until it's a fixture in your head. There were also a series of unhelpful bodily relaxation exercises.
Yeah, I've been trying to stretch and breathe since I was five years old. You know what bodily relaxation exercise worked for me? 5-rep deadlifts. Get outta here with your bullshit prana.
At the end of the book, he advocates meditation. I'm on board with that one. Science backs it up and it's chilled me out in the past.
End of the day, all right, I'm probably anxious, and I probably wouldn't trade that away if given the choice. My inability to relax is like a shitty superpower. My perpetually scrabbling mind and shifting attention have given me a wealth of knowledge in a lot of different areas. My physical inexhaustability has kept me steadily working, coasting through school, and maintaining a regular gym routine for years now, to say nothing of my dozens of useless hobbies (most of which I am pretty okay at). Not to mention the whole book-writing thing. If you've read this far, I must be doing something right, and that's gotta be anxiety's fault, too.
I'll take anxiety for what it is. I'm not gonna treat it like a crutch and I'm never gonna request special treatment because of it, since this is just how I am. Asking people to go out of their way to accommodate my psychological structure is not only narcissistic, it's akin to apologizing for how I am, and I'm not gonna start that shit at this point in the game.
I am gonna work on letting go. There's probably some tragic Freudian childhood excuse for why I wound up being a control freak, but blame-shifting is Extra-Innings Useless. It accomplishes nothing, except fostering resentment, and my subconscious swamp is already overburdened with those slowly fermenting fertilizer bombs we talked about.
Welp. Guess Ima go sit on the floor and do nothing for ten minutes. Hashtag therapy, amirite fellas?
December 31, 2020
Bish I’m anxious!!
This book gave me thoughtful tools & tips to managing my anxiety, specifically around the pressure I put on myself.
It helped me see that using words like “should” and “need to” etc “implies that there’s an invisible manual or instruction book floating around out there in the air with absolute decrees that dictate how to be a good human being, and that there are rules that must be followed and you’re not getting them right.” I can create my own reality.
Definitely not a replacement for therapy, but would recommend to anyone who’s suffered from anxiety and wants to get a better handle on it.
This book gave me thoughtful tools & tips to managing my anxiety, specifically around the pressure I put on myself.
It helped me see that using words like “should” and “need to” etc “implies that there’s an invisible manual or instruction book floating around out there in the air with absolute decrees that dictate how to be a good human being, and that there are rules that must be followed and you’re not getting them right.” I can create my own reality.
Definitely not a replacement for therapy, but would recommend to anyone who’s suffered from anxiety and wants to get a better handle on it.
August 6, 2020
An interesting read that gives good insight into the automatic thought processes behind anxiety + excercise suggestions to help re-frame those thoughts. The writing was really accessible, too.
March 26, 2019
Reading this book was quite a personal revelation, but I have to admit that my enjoyment of this book was greatly limited by my offense at the way the authors went about their subject. It is a frequent criticism and complaint of mine that many books on anxiety want to promote Buddhist thinking rather than wrestle with the biblical approach to dealing with anxiety through faith and hope and moral courage. This book gave some rather pointed examples of why it is that so many books about anxiety fail to satisfy by taking the negative tendencies I have long noted in many volumes on anxiety and taking those failures to extremes. This book is quite possibly the worst book I have ever read on the subject of anxiety, and its failures are illustrative in how one should not write a book on the subject of anxiety and how one should not approach the subject of mental health in general. In fact, the stunning lack of self-awareness on the part of this book's authors made them appear not only to be tools, but to be immense hypocrites as well.
Containing a bit more than 200 pages, this book is made up of twelve chapters between its introduction and the usual bibliography, index, and acknowledgments sections. The authors begin with a discussion on understanding anxiety (1). After this they seek for the reader to identify their personal belief system (2)--without any recognition or acknowledgment of universal moral standards. After this the authors seek to challenge "consensus reality" (3) (but apparently not their own consensus) and attack the dualistic mind of good and evil (4) (while not addressing their own black and white judgmental attitude, naturally). The authors urge the reader to rise beyond the illusion of control (5) and urge readers to be accountable to themselves (6), yet without the illusion of control, let us remember. After this the authors urge people to create their own reality (7) and solidify the sense of self (8) that few people seem to lack in our bumptious and self-absorbed age. The authors urge extreme acceptance (despite not being accepting of conservatives or genuinely religious people themselves) (9), while encouraging the reader to reduce anxiety in intimate relationships (assuming one has them) (10). Finally, the authors close the book with chapters on how to maintain anxiety reduction (11), and making peace with one's anxiety through surrender (12).
While this book was certainly among the worst books I have read in psychology, and that is a tough competition, even reading bad books has its worth. The book would have been a lot better if the authors had been more savvy in handling their various pet agendas. Most psychology books are written to promote a particular approach to mental health, but few authors have as many unwholesome and worthless agendas to pursue as these authors, as they demonstrate an immense hostility to Judeo-Christian thought and practice that demonstrates an immensely warped mind, a desire to condemn closemindedness, but only that on the right and not on the left (which they strongly identify with), and a solipsism that encourages the worst tendencies of contemporary culture for people to create their own reality and to deny unpleasant realities or recognize that no one else is under any obligation to respect that which is a self-created and fictive reality, whether in identity politics or anything else. While this book is bad, it is bad in useful ways, letting the reader know that there are people who fancy themselves experts on matters of psychological importance who have no clue how hypocritical they are and how much their writing serves to embarrass them as being without worthwhile insight even about one of the most noteworthy mental health crises of our time.
Containing a bit more than 200 pages, this book is made up of twelve chapters between its introduction and the usual bibliography, index, and acknowledgments sections. The authors begin with a discussion on understanding anxiety (1). After this they seek for the reader to identify their personal belief system (2)--without any recognition or acknowledgment of universal moral standards. After this the authors seek to challenge "consensus reality" (3) (but apparently not their own consensus) and attack the dualistic mind of good and evil (4) (while not addressing their own black and white judgmental attitude, naturally). The authors urge the reader to rise beyond the illusion of control (5) and urge readers to be accountable to themselves (6), yet without the illusion of control, let us remember. After this the authors urge people to create their own reality (7) and solidify the sense of self (8) that few people seem to lack in our bumptious and self-absorbed age. The authors urge extreme acceptance (despite not being accepting of conservatives or genuinely religious people themselves) (9), while encouraging the reader to reduce anxiety in intimate relationships (assuming one has them) (10). Finally, the authors close the book with chapters on how to maintain anxiety reduction (11), and making peace with one's anxiety through surrender (12).
While this book was certainly among the worst books I have read in psychology, and that is a tough competition, even reading bad books has its worth. The book would have been a lot better if the authors had been more savvy in handling their various pet agendas. Most psychology books are written to promote a particular approach to mental health, but few authors have as many unwholesome and worthless agendas to pursue as these authors, as they demonstrate an immense hostility to Judeo-Christian thought and practice that demonstrates an immensely warped mind, a desire to condemn closemindedness, but only that on the right and not on the left (which they strongly identify with), and a solipsism that encourages the worst tendencies of contemporary culture for people to create their own reality and to deny unpleasant realities or recognize that no one else is under any obligation to respect that which is a self-created and fictive reality, whether in identity politics or anything else. While this book is bad, it is bad in useful ways, letting the reader know that there are people who fancy themselves experts on matters of psychological importance who have no clue how hypocritical they are and how much their writing serves to embarrass them as being without worthwhile insight even about one of the most noteworthy mental health crises of our time.
October 14, 2015
I've read a lot of self-help books, I try to think of it as a hobby so when I saw this available free from Netgalley for the price of an honest review I thought, what's one more?
If you've ever suffered from anxiety you know you'd love to just 'Retrain Your Anxious Brain', but you also know that if it was that easy, you probably would have done so already. You also know you're still willing to give it one more try.
Anxiety can sort of be summed up as getting your hand stuck in a jar except your thoughts are your hand and the jar is a fixed thought, usually a fear-based one, that while not usually rational, won't go away, in fact, often it just keeps getting bigger and more persistent as you try to get rid of it.
Is this book going to be a magical cure for anxiety? Not even close, but it was interesting and well-written with some good ideas about challenging yourself, altering those fixed thoughts, adjusting your thinking, and consciously creating your own reality. Maybe I've just read so many of these self-help books that the ideas didn't seem all that different than others.
So the question remains, can your retrain your anxious brain? While I've had some luck, it's still something I struggle with, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
If you've ever suffered from anxiety you know you'd love to just 'Retrain Your Anxious Brain', but you also know that if it was that easy, you probably would have done so already. You also know you're still willing to give it one more try.
Anxiety can sort of be summed up as getting your hand stuck in a jar except your thoughts are your hand and the jar is a fixed thought, usually a fear-based one, that while not usually rational, won't go away, in fact, often it just keeps getting bigger and more persistent as you try to get rid of it.
Is this book going to be a magical cure for anxiety? Not even close, but it was interesting and well-written with some good ideas about challenging yourself, altering those fixed thoughts, adjusting your thinking, and consciously creating your own reality. Maybe I've just read so many of these self-help books that the ideas didn't seem all that different than others.
So the question remains, can your retrain your anxious brain? While I've had some luck, it's still something I struggle with, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
November 17, 2014
I received this book as a firstread, so my thanks to the publisher for sending it.
This book is part memoir and part guide to handling certain types of anxiety.
I found much of this book didn't apply to me personally, but the duelistic mind section was very interesting, definitely my favorite part of the book.
This book is part memoir and part guide to handling certain types of anxiety.
I found much of this book didn't apply to me personally, but the duelistic mind section was very interesting, definitely my favorite part of the book.
May 16, 2021
This book is GREAT for people with mild to severe anxiety and actually provides good coping skills to use. A lot of times I felt the book was written for me because of how much certain sections resonated. I tried some of the exercises and found them to be beneficial! Although the author recommends doing all of the exercises once every day, I think that is a bit of excessive and you will be probably burn yourself out. I think there’s something for everyone in this quick read, but towards the end it got a bit repetitive and I lost interest.. Still a pretty good read (perhaps more so for those with severe anxiety and lacking ways to cope), but for someone who has a pretty good grip on their anxiety/what works for them, it can be a lot of stuff you already know!
December 11, 2018
This book was truly a powerful gift. I felt connected to each example and doing the exercises from later chapters helped me unearth things about myself that i have to face head on for proper healing. I wish i had read this sooner, and i wish i could go back in time to leverage these strategies to not hurt the ones i love most.
It takes a great act of courage to love someone enough to help them find peace and healing. I am truly very thankful for the greatest gift of love i received in order to delve deep into myself and face my anxiety and depression head-on.
No matter whether you love someone with anxiety or struggle with it yourself, this is a book i will read again and again - and i encourage you to do the same.
It takes a great act of courage to love someone enough to help them find peace and healing. I am truly very thankful for the greatest gift of love i received in order to delve deep into myself and face my anxiety and depression head-on.
No matter whether you love someone with anxiety or struggle with it yourself, this is a book i will read again and again - and i encourage you to do the same.
May 29, 2018
Tsilimparis is a therapist who has himself experienced anxiety. His book brings autobiographical elements from his own experience of illness and the patients he has treated. Unfortunately I found neither subject matter particularly interesting. Beyond that it is a middle of the road book on cognitive therapy or primarily generalized anxiety and neuroticisms. It is an average and somewhat boring book that is unlikelie to separate itself from other similar books. It may be of value to a particular subset of patients.
November 4, 2020
An EASY read with easy tools that retrain the brain without alot of effort. The author lets you ask the questions and provides entertaining and thought provoking tasks that move you from negative to positive. Anxiety is one that almost everyone in this day and age suffers from on some level, this pandemic has surely doubled it.
Grab a highlighter and enjoy.
Well done Mr. Tsilimparis!
Grab a highlighter and enjoy.
Well done Mr. Tsilimparis!
February 14, 2023
If you have low levels of anxiety and high stress this book might be helpful. Very basic. Can definitely tell it’s written by a man. I found a couple points to be helpful, but the rest is just a guy trying to mansplain how my brain works.
July 8, 2023
Take the first step
I am beginning my journey working through anxiety. For anyone starting this journey, this is a good place to start. His recommendations are easy to follow and inspiring.
I am beginning my journey working through anxiety. For anyone starting this journey, this is a good place to start. His recommendations are easy to follow and inspiring.
September 7, 2024
I was often contemplating the paradoxes in the given advice because its not really like u can just give advice and then tell somebody to follow their own advise too without it being confusing but yeah it was pretty cool
August 10, 2018
I found this writing to be very cold and bleak at times, like Ayn Rand of the therapy world. Also there wasn't very much in here that wasn't just pop CBT.
February 16, 2020
Some good tools to combat anxiety, but the author went a little too far into the post-modern "there's no right and wrong" talk for me.
June 5, 2021
A very practical book dealing with anxiety. I learned a lot and now have exercises to use if need be.
Read
March 1, 2022Self-Help, Stress Management, Neuroscience
March 31, 2022
Simple language and great examples
November 25, 2023
Learned some very helpful techniques.
December 7, 2023
Great tips and advice. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and took a lot away from it.
October 10, 2016
This book is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to learn how to grapple their anxieties. I learned some great techniques and have seen a significant improvement in my my life. This book discusses some breathing techniques in the very last chapter and coincidentally I was already practicing meditation! So encourage those to either start doing this with the book from the beginning or after the book is completed. If you can stick with this journey, you will see results!
September 23, 2014
*I received this book free as part of the Goodreads First Reads giveaway*
John Tsilimparis is not only a therapist specializing in anxiety disorders, he is a sufferer as well. The fact that this book was written from the perspective of a person with an anxiety disorder made the advice seem much more genuine. In this book the psychological aspects of anxiety (the thought processes, values, etc.) as well as the physical symptoms are explained. So many of the examples given of his patients resonate and are easily identified with.
I suffer from panic disorder and I would recommend this book to anyone else who experiences an anxiety disorder, as well as anyone with low self-esteem. It really did help me stop to think about what I was doing to exacerbate my anxiety and how I can change my thinking to improve my overall mental health. What I learned in this book has already come in handy in my own life during a week of increased anxiety. The only real con is that it does not offer help for those suffering from a panic attack as the information in the book is more preventive.
December 2, 2015
I have been trying to get some books on managing anxiety and depression. I found this one to be a very good book for helping point out our bad thoughts. He also gives you replacement thoughts. There are also parts of the book where he has you write in a journal on doing exercises. I think it is a good book to get if you are struggling with anxiety. The author has gone through it himself, and it always helps to have someone who understands. Especially if they are writing on ways to help cope and manage it. :)
October 25, 2014
I've read many books on anxiety before and self help and the like and I just browsed this book because it just didn't speak to me or draw me in. I've read many others that were truly impactful to my thinking, this one was not.
February 5, 2016
One of the best so far. Every exercise are easy to do. It is a complete book about anxiety and its aspects. Glad I have this close in my home. :)
December 16, 2015
I thought this book was written in a very clear, concise fashion which made it easy to read and understand.
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June 1, 2020Categories
Anxieties & Phobias, Neuroscience, Stress Management
Anxieties & Phobias, Neuroscience, Stress Management
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews