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323 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
I look up at the sky, growing dark. The snow is light and dizzying - and new. That's the thing about snow. It's all about promise. It's nature's do-over.
Suddenly Adrian is standing right in front of me. He looks a little teary. Maybe it's just the cold wind. He's so close I feel his warm breath; this is possibly the most exercise he's gotten in weeks. I imagine his ribs, rising and falling, after sex. I'll miss his hands on me and the way he says I'm the best goddamn librarian in the world, even though he's never understood what I do at the library exactly. There's something sweet about how he loves me without knowing me - a blind love, which is almost like an unconditional love but not quite.
"You're also afraid of things that are out of your control," he says. "That's why you like to spend all day shelving books in alphabetical order."
"You have no idea what a librarian actually does," I tell him.
We've been over this.
Sometimes you just have to commit to something that's not perfect. And you have to commit to the whole future of it. And that can't be known and it can't be controlled.
come to my blog!"What if there is this time bomb to love. What if it's like you fall in love with so many people who just aren't for you, and with each one, your heart toughens up, and you have to find the one who is right for you before your heart is completely calcified in your chest."
"The future no longer has to be messy. It can be tested out. It can be known"




My own house was austere, hushed, and dusty like a library, but once you understand that each book on the shelf has a heartbeat, then you’ll want to stay. I don’t tend dead things—paper, ink, glue bindings. I tend books the way someone in an aviary tends birds.