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Letters to Forget: Poems
A debut and also the final work of Kelly Caldwell, written from within the darkness of bipolar illness and the fight to own her womanhood.“There can be no history of my body. My forgetfulness is in earnest. I check for it like for keys in a pocket. I've remained a girl all my life.”With searing intelligence and great sensitivity, the final poems of Kelly Caldwell—many addressed to Cass Donish, her partner in the years before her suicide at thirty-one, swim through a complex matrix of mental illness, divorce, gender transition, and self-discovery. But they wrestle, too, with the poet’s painful relationships with her family of Christian missionaries, who refused to affirm her identity. In a sequence of “dear c.” poems scattered throughout these pages, Caldwell writes letters to her lover from an out-of-state residential hospital where she is receiving treatment for suicidal depression and mania. In a long poem titled “Self-Portrait as Job,” she offers us her lucid gaze and her queer take on the biblical figure—an understated yet powerful testament to her own suffering in a society whose structures may not contain her. Both striking and elusive, both raw and learned, with a delicacy of syntax that challenges us to interrogate becoming itself, Kelly Caldwell asks us from What kind of fragile agency is at the heart of obliterating change?
- GenresPoetryTransgender
112 pages, Hardcover
Published September 3, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
July 31, 2024
i want to thank netgalley for the opportunity to read this book. i hope the author rests peacefully, im so sorry to hear of their passing before getting to publish. as a bipolar woman myself, this book had me extremely deep in my feelings.
some of the poems feel unfinished, and almost hard to decipher but that’s part of what makes this even more beautiful. how raw, real, and open this entire book is. i’m very saddened that the author had to endure what they did, its obvious from their letters and poems that they didn’t have it easy in life or in their mind. i wish i could have given them a hug. this book is deep, real, open and extremely raw. i loved it. the only reason i gave four stars is because of the writing style not being my favorite, no other reason.
some of the poems feel unfinished, and almost hard to decipher but that’s part of what makes this even more beautiful. how raw, real, and open this entire book is. i’m very saddened that the author had to endure what they did, its obvious from their letters and poems that they didn’t have it easy in life or in their mind. i wish i could have given them a hug. this book is deep, real, open and extremely raw. i loved it. the only reason i gave four stars is because of the writing style not being my favorite, no other reason.
July 24, 2024
Thanks to NetGalley and Knopf for the ARC!
Enigmatic and often impenetrable, Kelly Caldwell’s Letters to Forget is a posthumous debut that seems to abhor attention while inviting re-reads.
The book revolves around what might be called the grief of embodiment. Caldwell writes from her experience as a trans woman, and a recurrent theme is a sense of displacement—bodies that don’t quite fit in time or space. Or, more accurately, a space and time that refuses to make room for bodies. There’s very little thematic resolution, and many of these explorations are darkly mediated through Caldwell’s struggles with her mental health. Some of these poems seem to loathe their author and, by extension, anyone who reads them. Simply put, it’s a heavy and often estranging book.
If it isn’t clear by this point, it’s hard to deny that this book is a difficult read, both in themes and in form. Much of this seems inherent in Caldwell’s stylistic approach, but I’m curious how much is also from this being—in a way—an unfinished manuscript. There are countless, dizzying aphorisms that read like prophecy, and readers will likely wonder if they are deliberately esoteric or simply incomplete thoughts, though Caldwell’s religious history leads me to believe the former is true.
Speaking of which, Letters to Forget is populated with religious detritus, the bulk of which surfaces in the conversation between “Self-Portrait as Job” and “God Talks.” These pieces are fascinating, feverish biblical subversions that land with stomach-turning specificity. In them, the speaker alternately implicates and exonerates Job, and the tension is—for lack of a better word—upsetting. It’s masterfully written.
The collection is nearly relentless, but thankfully, Caldwell alleviates the weight with numerous poems addressed to “dear c.,” her long-term partner, Cass Donish. One gets the sense that Donish was an anchor, of sorts, and their shared love feels like a much-needed light in an otherwise oppressively dark book.
All in all, Letters to Forget is a hard book to recommend, but it seems like a fitting memorial to its author, and anyone who chooses to read it will likely find themselves moved to grief and admiration in equal measure.
Enigmatic and often impenetrable, Kelly Caldwell’s Letters to Forget is a posthumous debut that seems to abhor attention while inviting re-reads.
The book revolves around what might be called the grief of embodiment. Caldwell writes from her experience as a trans woman, and a recurrent theme is a sense of displacement—bodies that don’t quite fit in time or space. Or, more accurately, a space and time that refuses to make room for bodies. There’s very little thematic resolution, and many of these explorations are darkly mediated through Caldwell’s struggles with her mental health. Some of these poems seem to loathe their author and, by extension, anyone who reads them. Simply put, it’s a heavy and often estranging book.
If it isn’t clear by this point, it’s hard to deny that this book is a difficult read, both in themes and in form. Much of this seems inherent in Caldwell’s stylistic approach, but I’m curious how much is also from this being—in a way—an unfinished manuscript. There are countless, dizzying aphorisms that read like prophecy, and readers will likely wonder if they are deliberately esoteric or simply incomplete thoughts, though Caldwell’s religious history leads me to believe the former is true.
Speaking of which, Letters to Forget is populated with religious detritus, the bulk of which surfaces in the conversation between “Self-Portrait as Job” and “God Talks.” These pieces are fascinating, feverish biblical subversions that land with stomach-turning specificity. In them, the speaker alternately implicates and exonerates Job, and the tension is—for lack of a better word—upsetting. It’s masterfully written.
The collection is nearly relentless, but thankfully, Caldwell alleviates the weight with numerous poems addressed to “dear c.,” her long-term partner, Cass Donish. One gets the sense that Donish was an anchor, of sorts, and their shared love feels like a much-needed light in an otherwise oppressively dark book.
All in all, Letters to Forget is a hard book to recommend, but it seems like a fitting memorial to its author, and anyone who chooses to read it will likely find themselves moved to grief and admiration in equal measure.
September 25, 2024
This book was essentially split into two series that alternated throughout the book: “house of…” and “dear c…”. The two types of poems are distinct in their language as well as poetic style. In the middle of all of these, somewhat like an intermission, is “Self-portrait as Job,” a long poem that is unique and separate from the others.
First, the “house of…” poems (think house of sorrow, house of roses, house of scars, house of mercy, etc.). These poems are all written with periods at the line breaks in addition to other periods as sentence ends throughout. This unfortunately greatly detracted from the content of each poem, and I found it difficult to gather meaning from the words after trying to make sense of the breaks. For example, from house of 3:00 a.m: You bend at weird angles I said the. / Churned air reddish mad clenched. / With drunk subtleties. Who first thought. / Of this I said. And the world tilted.
These hard line breaks just really were not working for me (and this was what I thought was one of the best House of poems). In addition to the periods, these poems were all right-aligned, making the hard line breaks even more jarring.
Then the “dear c” poems. I thought these were much easier to read and understand, perhaps because they are all prose poems with no jarring line breaks. All of my favorite highlights from this book were in the “dear c” poems! Perhaps my favorite, from “dear c. I was reading about synchronic principles…”: “I plan to suffer greatly at my auctioned introduction into hope. This talent for getting lost requires effort.”
My favorite poems in this collection:
dear c. Oconomowoc, Wisconsin,
dear c. I wish I spoke
dear c. I find my griefs
dear c. You’re writing something to me
dear c. I was there, believe me
dear c. I was reading about synchronic principles
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC!
First, the “house of…” poems (think house of sorrow, house of roses, house of scars, house of mercy, etc.). These poems are all written with periods at the line breaks in addition to other periods as sentence ends throughout. This unfortunately greatly detracted from the content of each poem, and I found it difficult to gather meaning from the words after trying to make sense of the breaks. For example, from house of 3:00 a.m: You bend at weird angles I said the. / Churned air reddish mad clenched. / With drunk subtleties. Who first thought. / Of this I said. And the world tilted.
These hard line breaks just really were not working for me (and this was what I thought was one of the best House of poems). In addition to the periods, these poems were all right-aligned, making the hard line breaks even more jarring.
Then the “dear c” poems. I thought these were much easier to read and understand, perhaps because they are all prose poems with no jarring line breaks. All of my favorite highlights from this book were in the “dear c” poems! Perhaps my favorite, from “dear c. I was reading about synchronic principles…”: “I plan to suffer greatly at my auctioned introduction into hope. This talent for getting lost requires effort.”
My favorite poems in this collection:
dear c. Oconomowoc, Wisconsin,
dear c. I wish I spoke
dear c. I find my griefs
dear c. You’re writing something to me
dear c. I was there, believe me
dear c. I was reading about synchronic principles
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC!
July 22, 2024
Thanks to NetGalley and Knopf for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
Have you ever read something that suffocated you in its author's own sorrow that your head buzzed with static and you recall less desirable times where maybe whatever comes after is calling you from the murk of desparation? About 80% through the book is a letter to Cass that begins 'I was there, believe me'. The end broke my heart. I wonder if the author's parents will read this book, will make it as far as this piece, and bawl their eyes out.
The book consists of both poems and letters to the author's partner, Cass. There's a lot of poems with titles with the word house in it, and after a while, I wondered if it was a reference to tarot. But the poet is trying to work through a lifetime of secrets and pain here, and I might be inferring based on my own history.
I went to read about the author and had my heart broken twice over, once in this book (or hundreds of times in this book) and once reading the In Memoriam page. There were so many Bible references here, I wonder if the author was maybe trying to work out distancing herself from the denomination in which she was raised in as separate from distancing herself from God. Again, just maybe wondering in my head.
Unfortunately, this stellar and talented poet is no longer with us, so I cannot ask her.
I think I would have rated this higher if some of the poems didn't feel so stuttering to me with the stylistic choice of extra periods.
For information about the author, see https://thespectacle.wustl.edu/?p=1417.
4.25 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever read something that suffocated you in its author's own sorrow that your head buzzed with static and you recall less desirable times where maybe whatever comes after is calling you from the murk of desparation? About 80% through the book is a letter to Cass that begins 'I was there, believe me'. The end broke my heart. I wonder if the author's parents will read this book, will make it as far as this piece, and bawl their eyes out.
The book consists of both poems and letters to the author's partner, Cass. There's a lot of poems with titles with the word house in it, and after a while, I wondered if it was a reference to tarot. But the poet is trying to work through a lifetime of secrets and pain here, and I might be inferring based on my own history.
I went to read about the author and had my heart broken twice over, once in this book (or hundreds of times in this book) and once reading the In Memoriam page. There were so many Bible references here, I wonder if the author was maybe trying to work out distancing herself from the denomination in which she was raised in as separate from distancing herself from God. Again, just maybe wondering in my head.
Unfortunately, this stellar and talented poet is no longer with us, so I cannot ask her.
I think I would have rated this higher if some of the poems didn't feel so stuttering to me with the stylistic choice of extra periods.
For information about the author, see https://thespectacle.wustl.edu/?p=1417.
4.25 out of 5 stars.
September 4, 2024
The poetry contained within Letters to Forget is at times so completely visceral that I simply had to put it aside. This is not an easy read of lighthearted poems…this is at times brutal, heartbreaking, and haunting. Kelly Caldwell’s words will affect you, sometimes in ways you cannot describe.
These aren’t poems that were worked over and over until they became a shining gem. These are
raw. There are also a lot of poems dealing with religion; more than I anticipated despite it being mentioned in the summary. I didn’t find those poems particularly engaging as it’s not a subject that I personally care about, although they did give an insight into the struggles and disconnect between religion and one’s self. Caldwell’s writings to her partner Cass Donish, at least in this first read through, are the ones I connected with the most. I definitely recommend reading this collection and then Cass Donish’s collection, “Your Dazzling Death.
I hope that some part of us lives on after death so that Kelly was able to witness her work being published. I have to hope this, because the idea of someone so talented never receiving their flowers for something so personal and so utterly human makes my heart hurt.
5⭐️
I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley and Knopf, however my review is completely unbiased and is my own personal opinion left of my own volition.
These aren’t poems that were worked over and over until they became a shining gem. These are
raw. There are also a lot of poems dealing with religion; more than I anticipated despite it being mentioned in the summary. I didn’t find those poems particularly engaging as it’s not a subject that I personally care about, although they did give an insight into the struggles and disconnect between religion and one’s self. Caldwell’s writings to her partner Cass Donish, at least in this first read through, are the ones I connected with the most. I definitely recommend reading this collection and then Cass Donish’s collection, “Your Dazzling Death.
I hope that some part of us lives on after death so that Kelly was able to witness her work being published. I have to hope this, because the idea of someone so talented never receiving their flowers for something so personal and so utterly human makes my heart hurt.
5⭐️
I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley and Knopf, however my review is completely unbiased and is my own personal opinion left of my own volition.
August 30, 2024
As I was reading Letters to Forget, I could feel so much tension running through the poems. The subject matter centers on Caldwell’s experiences as a trans woman and her struggles with bipolar disorder. Many of the poems are addressed to her partner, and others grapple with her relationship to Christianity, often referencing Job. Reading this felt like a glimpse into the workings of a creative, artistic, and intelligent mind that did not fit into society’s mold, a society with stifling expectations that need to be torn down and abandoned.
From a craft standpoint, what struck me was Caldwell’s use of punctuation, especially periods, since they were often in unconventional or unexpected places, breaking up thoughts and causing the reader to pause and process. Periods forcing end stopped lines, accentuating words, and creating distinctive rhythms.
This is a collection that asks for multiple readings because there’s so much beneath the surface and so much complexity to explore. Learning about the author’s life and suicide at age 31, adds even more layers. I will be coming back to this collection often because of the beauty of the writing and the urgency of the themes within.
Thank you to Netgalley and Knopf for the ARC.
From a craft standpoint, what struck me was Caldwell’s use of punctuation, especially periods, since they were often in unconventional or unexpected places, breaking up thoughts and causing the reader to pause and process. Periods forcing end stopped lines, accentuating words, and creating distinctive rhythms.
This is a collection that asks for multiple readings because there’s so much beneath the surface and so much complexity to explore. Learning about the author’s life and suicide at age 31, adds even more layers. I will be coming back to this collection often because of the beauty of the writing and the urgency of the themes within.
Thank you to Netgalley and Knopf for the ARC.
January 12, 2025
The basics: This collection of poetry alternates between "House of" and "Letters to C" poems with a long poem in the middle.
This one took me a while to get through the whole book. At times the emotion was too great to move on to the next one. The author's emotions leap from the pages and at times simply broke my heart.
As with all books of poetry, I had my favorites and my least favorites, but as whole this collection is one lovers of poetry should not miss. I am not sure that I could really say anything more because my words simply cannot communicate the emotion I felt reading these poems the way Caldwell's did as she so masterfully put into words everything being felt at the time of writing these.
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC of this work in exchange for my honest review.
This one took me a while to get through the whole book. At times the emotion was too great to move on to the next one. The author's emotions leap from the pages and at times simply broke my heart.
As with all books of poetry, I had my favorites and my least favorites, but as whole this collection is one lovers of poetry should not miss. I am not sure that I could really say anything more because my words simply cannot communicate the emotion I felt reading these poems the way Caldwell's did as she so masterfully put into words everything being felt at the time of writing these.
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC of this work in exchange for my honest review.
July 31, 2024
I think that this book could’ve used another round of edits before being put out into the world. While I think that some of the poems had a great punch there were numerous letters that could’ve used a heavy handed edit. I applaud all involved in releasing this postmortem and can imagine that there was great joy found in being able to share her work. I feel that there could’ve just been significant work done in the arrangement and editing of these letters and poems. I wouldn’t call this just poems there were numerous almost afterthought letters jotted down and included.
Thanks so much to NetGalley for the arc!
Thanks so much to NetGalley for the arc!
September 4, 2024
This collection of poetry was very hard to read at times and it took me to a very dark headspace for a while.
Knowing this collection has been published posthumously makes it even harder to read. Poetry has a way of resonating with the reader through so few words and this collection was so full of emotion and turmoil.
I’m rating this collection five stars because I can’t put any less. The way this made me feel in such a short time definitely shows the way Kelly Caldwell was feeling at the time of writing.
Thank you so much to the publisher for an advance copy of this collection via NetGalley.
Knowing this collection has been published posthumously makes it even harder to read. Poetry has a way of resonating with the reader through so few words and this collection was so full of emotion and turmoil.
I’m rating this collection five stars because I can’t put any less. The way this made me feel in such a short time definitely shows the way Kelly Caldwell was feeling at the time of writing.
Thank you so much to the publisher for an advance copy of this collection via NetGalley.
September 8, 2024
In this collection, Caldwell explores herself in relation to being trans, in relation to her bipolar diagnosis, and in relation to the world around her that doesn't necessarily understand a thing about her. This collection uses both a personal letter style as well as other dynamic styles to evoke pain, heartache, apathy, and one's relationship to religion, both inside the self and outside in the modern world. It is a collection that readers can sit with for a while in contemplation.
*Book provided by NetGalley
*Book provided by NetGalley
October 6, 2024
I loved the idea of this collection and wanted to love it (especially as a woman with bipolar 1), but I hate to say that very little made sense. There were rarely more than two lines/sentences that made any sort of sense, and next to none were completely coherent. It felt like random words were being strung together.
I will say that many individual lines or phrases were beautiful. I just wish I could say the same for more of the poems.
Thank you to NetGalley for an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
I will say that many individual lines or phrases were beautiful. I just wish I could say the same for more of the poems.
Thank you to NetGalley for an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
September 19, 2024
The fact that the author is currently deceased due to suicide and their partner + loved ones published this work in their honor is very beautiful. love that they barely edited things and just released the words.
content wise it's not really my cup of tea, but i love the sentiment, the fact that they're trans, and that they have a relationship with stl.
regardless of if i like it or not, some of the words and poems were still pretty
content wise it's not really my cup of tea, but i love the sentiment, the fact that they're trans, and that they have a relationship with stl.
regardless of if i like it or not, some of the words and poems were still pretty
November 13, 2024
Some amazing individual parts, and the story behind this collection is certainly made more poignant by its pairing with Cass Donish's Your Dazzling Death: Poems. I didn't always vibe with every poem, and that's fine, but there is an interesting portrait here of a woman trying to hang on.
April 21, 2025
Letters to Forget: Poems by Kelly Caldwell is a raw, posthumous debut that explores identity, mental illness, and the complexities of womanhood. Divided into three sections, the collection includes intimate “dear c.” letters written during psychiatric treatment and experimental “house of…” poems reflecting disorientation and self-searching. Caldwell’s lyrical precision and emotional depth make this a moving and unforgettable collection.
November 1, 2025
💌 Oh, @aaknopf, you are truly the best. Thank you for gifting me yet another amazing poetry collection!
This is the only work we have by the author, Kelly Caldwell. Heartbreakingly, she left the world at just 31 following her suicide. The collection is intelligent and critical, angry and fragile. There is such a well of feeling in it. You can see, in each piece, the struggle to live through her own exploration of gender transition, mental illness and identity. Much of it is told like letters to her partner, and for this it is even more intimate. It’s not easy to read, will not always be relatable or understandable, but it is so painfully human and it meant the world to me to read every word.
This is the only work we have by the author, Kelly Caldwell. Heartbreakingly, she left the world at just 31 following her suicide. The collection is intelligent and critical, angry and fragile. There is such a well of feeling in it. You can see, in each piece, the struggle to live through her own exploration of gender transition, mental illness and identity. Much of it is told like letters to her partner, and for this it is even more intimate. It’s not easy to read, will not always be relatable or understandable, but it is so painfully human and it meant the world to me to read every word.
August 26, 2024
Didn't love it. Didn't hate it. 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
Read
March 27, 2025Review to come.
September 30, 2024
This book cracked my heart in two. It was published after the young authors death.
It deals in the themes of belonging and displacement and identity and love.
The poems are interspersed with letters to the authors partner Cass Donish (who also has a book of poetry coming out that I read and recommend.)
What struck me as I read this book was the poems seemed designed to keep the reader out. They deal with the themes deftly and lyrically but always in a way that seems to be saying that you (the reader) shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be reading this, shouldn’t know these thoughts, as if the author is begging to be heard while building a wall. Then you reach the next letter, and through talking to C we are finally allowed in, to see the tenderness, to see who Caldwell was and is and wanted to be.
These poems hurt to read but they were beautiful.
I received this as an arc from NetGalley and Knopf
It deals in the themes of belonging and displacement and identity and love.
The poems are interspersed with letters to the authors partner Cass Donish (who also has a book of poetry coming out that I read and recommend.)
What struck me as I read this book was the poems seemed designed to keep the reader out. They deal with the themes deftly and lyrically but always in a way that seems to be saying that you (the reader) shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be reading this, shouldn’t know these thoughts, as if the author is begging to be heard while building a wall. Then you reach the next letter, and through talking to C we are finally allowed in, to see the tenderness, to see who Caldwell was and is and wanted to be.
These poems hurt to read but they were beautiful.
I received this as an arc from NetGalley and Knopf
December 29, 2025
Review Tomorrow.
January 2, 2025
Some of the worst poetry I’ve read. Thank you to NetGalley for the opportunity, but I did not put myself through more of it to finish this book.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews