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Mourning Has Broken
Mourning Has Broken offers a moving and poignant look at grief and loss. In this collection of narrative non-fiction essays, the author speaks from the heart not only about the death of a dear sister but also about the mourning of a mother, a father, a dear friend, a career and a religion.
Readers who have known loss will find much to relate to in this book, and will particularly appreciate the author’s ability to be frank and open and at times humorous about feelings that might be difficult to acknowledge.
Readers who have known loss will find much to relate to in this book, and will particularly appreciate the author’s ability to be frank and open and at times humorous about feelings that might be difficult to acknowledge.
- GenresMemoir
195 pages, Paperback
First published September 18, 2011
12 people want to read
About the author
Carol Balawyder
16 books26 followersMy dad was born on a farm town in Rama, Saskatchewan and my mom in Montreal. I was born in Sherbrooke, Quebec but currently I live in Montreal. I first came to study Early Childhood Education at McGill. It was a lonely time for me. Away from home for the first time. My parents didn’t believe in summer camps.
I didn’t like teaching kindergarten. All that discipline and yelling and screaming all at once…no I had the book first…he hit me…Patty peed in her pants. So I went on to get a B.A. in Education so I could teach high school. My first teaching job was teaching poetry to a group of drop-outs who were no older than I was and even some of the boys in my class were my brother’s friends. It was weird. Teaching High School didn’t turn out to be the be all and end all of saving the world.
After that, I got a neat job teaching English as second language for this company run by a really old woman who let me do practically whatever I wanted. I got to create a lot in those years.
And then I needed to travel. I did some research at The British Museum Library on my own grant. It was on Alice in Wonderland. The real reason why I wanted to do this research was that I just wanted to read from the original Lewis Carroll manuscript. Man, did they ever survey that manuscript. You’d think I was taking out Russian spy material.
Fast forward. I went back to study Applied Linguistics at Concordia University in Montreal where I almost got an M.A. degree if it weren’t for this professor (Gosh I wish I could remember her name…she was ancient) who didn’t think that using music to teach a second language was cool to use with adults. Although, a year later she kind of got with it and delivered a speech at an ESL convention using my material! Really. Now, that’s not fair.
Okay, so bad things happen to good people. I write a few ESL books that sell fairly well. Maybe you’ve heard or even used some of them: Open For Business and Windows on Sci-Tech. These were under my married name Carol Ann Fournier.
So I have my Andy Warhol fifteen minutes of fame and now what?
Oh, I know… I want to write crime novels. But don’t I need some kind of credibility, like maybe having been a criminal myself or a detective (which really, really would have been super cool, if in my good old days they’d accepted women in the police force).
I went back to university to get a M.Sc. in criminology and then ended up teaching Police Technology and Corrections for eighteen years in a college in the north end of Montreal. How’s that for credibility?
In the meantime, I got divorced and found myself side tracking from crime writing and writing about dating. Horror!
Here I am, years later and too many dates to keep track of but with a collection of dating stories and a novel.
Now you know my sad story of how I became a writer. But wait, that’s not all. I’m only beginning.
I didn’t like teaching kindergarten. All that discipline and yelling and screaming all at once…no I had the book first…he hit me…Patty peed in her pants. So I went on to get a B.A. in Education so I could teach high school. My first teaching job was teaching poetry to a group of drop-outs who were no older than I was and even some of the boys in my class were my brother’s friends. It was weird. Teaching High School didn’t turn out to be the be all and end all of saving the world.
After that, I got a neat job teaching English as second language for this company run by a really old woman who let me do practically whatever I wanted. I got to create a lot in those years.
And then I needed to travel. I did some research at The British Museum Library on my own grant. It was on Alice in Wonderland. The real reason why I wanted to do this research was that I just wanted to read from the original Lewis Carroll manuscript. Man, did they ever survey that manuscript. You’d think I was taking out Russian spy material.
Fast forward. I went back to study Applied Linguistics at Concordia University in Montreal where I almost got an M.A. degree if it weren’t for this professor (Gosh I wish I could remember her name…she was ancient) who didn’t think that using music to teach a second language was cool to use with adults. Although, a year later she kind of got with it and delivered a speech at an ESL convention using my material! Really. Now, that’s not fair.
Okay, so bad things happen to good people. I write a few ESL books that sell fairly well. Maybe you’ve heard or even used some of them: Open For Business and Windows on Sci-Tech. These were under my married name Carol Ann Fournier.
So I have my Andy Warhol fifteen minutes of fame and now what?
Oh, I know… I want to write crime novels. But don’t I need some kind of credibility, like maybe having been a criminal myself or a detective (which really, really would have been super cool, if in my good old days they’d accepted women in the police force).
I went back to university to get a M.Sc. in criminology and then ended up teaching Police Technology and Corrections for eighteen years in a college in the north end of Montreal. How’s that for credibility?
In the meantime, I got divorced and found myself side tracking from crime writing and writing about dating. Horror!
Here I am, years later and too many dates to keep track of but with a collection of dating stories and a novel.
Now you know my sad story of how I became a writer. But wait, that’s not all. I’m only beginning.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
July 6, 2016
I read this book during a time of loss and sadness. When my spirits were so low neither music nor books could enter my heart. Numerous books remained unread, the words and stories therein unable to penetrate the wall.
Then I recalled reading about Carol Balawyder and ‘Mourning Has Broken’; her book on loss and grief. On a whim I bought it.
My attention was seized from the very first few sentences and as I devoured it within two days ‘Mourning Has Broken’ left a deep and profound impact on me.
The writing is exceptional and beautiful. Poetic in places, full of wisdom. Her words spoke directly to me, then at times mirrored my experiences of loss exactly. I have never highlighted so much in a book since my student days. Nor have I I talked so much about a book – I am sure my family by now feel they have read it too!
Within nine months Carol first lost her mother then her sister, Diana, to cancer. Years before her father had passed away. As she struggled to cope with the ensuing grief, she turned to writing. These turned into two essays which are collected here in one book. Carol calls them essays; for me the word is too heavy, ponderous.
The writing flows with ease and is never ‘preachy’ in tone. Whilst the book is about how to deal with the pain of losing family members; it becomes much more – a personal exposition of Carol’s life and familial relationships and ultimately ‘Mourning Has Broken’ is as much a book on living and surviving grief as on mourning and loss.
Through skilfully crafted snippets Carol provides detailed images of her life when young with her father, mother and sisters (elder one, Louise). At times funny, at times sad, the overwhelming feeling regarding her parents is one of sadness and mourning – even before their deaths. Always kind, considerate and giving Carol realises she never had the relationship she wanted with them. Averse to showing any physical or verbal affection she regrets her parent’s lack of hugs and ‘I love you’. Where her father was a secret alcoholic, her mother lived by an array of confusing rules, many of which young Carol inadvertently ran foul.
pinkrose2The second part of the book opens with the ‘unfathomable’. That after five years of fighting lymphoma her sister’s battle is soon over. As the family and the two sisters gather for Diana’s final days in hospital I cried. The helplessness, despair is portrayed with Carol’s usual deep sincere honesty.
As she recounts her sister’s fight with cancer (whilst Carol was at the same time also being treated for a ‘safer’ form of cancer) the reader follows her soul-searching; both to understand the past, its guilt, joys and lows and to comprehend present pain. Searching for spiritual meaning, searching for a way to live on. Her self-awareness is at times unforgiving, always touching.
Throughout Carol’s gentle and compassionate nature shines forth. The book is both heart-felt and heart-warming.
I cannot recommend it highly enough. It is not, as I thought, a only book for those suffering loss. It is for everyone, whenever. I wished I’d read it earlier.
Then I recalled reading about Carol Balawyder and ‘Mourning Has Broken’; her book on loss and grief. On a whim I bought it.
My attention was seized from the very first few sentences and as I devoured it within two days ‘Mourning Has Broken’ left a deep and profound impact on me.
The writing is exceptional and beautiful. Poetic in places, full of wisdom. Her words spoke directly to me, then at times mirrored my experiences of loss exactly. I have never highlighted so much in a book since my student days. Nor have I I talked so much about a book – I am sure my family by now feel they have read it too!
Within nine months Carol first lost her mother then her sister, Diana, to cancer. Years before her father had passed away. As she struggled to cope with the ensuing grief, she turned to writing. These turned into two essays which are collected here in one book. Carol calls them essays; for me the word is too heavy, ponderous.
The writing flows with ease and is never ‘preachy’ in tone. Whilst the book is about how to deal with the pain of losing family members; it becomes much more – a personal exposition of Carol’s life and familial relationships and ultimately ‘Mourning Has Broken’ is as much a book on living and surviving grief as on mourning and loss.
Through skilfully crafted snippets Carol provides detailed images of her life when young with her father, mother and sisters (elder one, Louise). At times funny, at times sad, the overwhelming feeling regarding her parents is one of sadness and mourning – even before their deaths. Always kind, considerate and giving Carol realises she never had the relationship she wanted with them. Averse to showing any physical or verbal affection she regrets her parent’s lack of hugs and ‘I love you’. Where her father was a secret alcoholic, her mother lived by an array of confusing rules, many of which young Carol inadvertently ran foul.
pinkrose2The second part of the book opens with the ‘unfathomable’. That after five years of fighting lymphoma her sister’s battle is soon over. As the family and the two sisters gather for Diana’s final days in hospital I cried. The helplessness, despair is portrayed with Carol’s usual deep sincere honesty.
As she recounts her sister’s fight with cancer (whilst Carol was at the same time also being treated for a ‘safer’ form of cancer) the reader follows her soul-searching; both to understand the past, its guilt, joys and lows and to comprehend present pain. Searching for spiritual meaning, searching for a way to live on. Her self-awareness is at times unforgiving, always touching.
Throughout Carol’s gentle and compassionate nature shines forth. The book is both heart-felt and heart-warming.
I cannot recommend it highly enough. It is not, as I thought, a only book for those suffering loss. It is for everyone, whenever. I wished I’d read it earlier.
February 24, 2014
The author conveys her emotions she battled during the mourning process on the loss of her parents and more deeply on the loss of her sister. I felt as though her beautiful literary prose was her aid in announcing her healing.
Balawyder invites us in to share in her well-travelled life and shares her deep insights into her grieving process. She raises some of the valid questions we ask ourselves when we have lost a loved one or going through the transition of losing a loved one. Questions encompass things such as, could I have done more, did I say all that I had to say and there is much discussion about the sometimes difficult discomfort of saying "I love you."
Her inner turmoil is expressed deeply and I would recommend this book to anyone who has loved and lost or perhaps may be going through the process of losing someone dear.
Balawyder invites us in to share in her well-travelled life and shares her deep insights into her grieving process. She raises some of the valid questions we ask ourselves when we have lost a loved one or going through the transition of losing a loved one. Questions encompass things such as, could I have done more, did I say all that I had to say and there is much discussion about the sometimes difficult discomfort of saying "I love you."
Her inner turmoil is expressed deeply and I would recommend this book to anyone who has loved and lost or perhaps may be going through the process of losing someone dear.
October 18, 2020
I can’t recall the last time I’ve read a book that stirred my emotions and ignited so many tears. ‘Mourning Has Broken’ penned by talented author, Carol Balawyder is not your typical memoir, but probably the best I’ve ever read. At times I felt as though Carol was talking to me personally. Her emotions are raw as she shares her experience of losing first her mother and then her sister within a nine month span of time. Years before her father had passed away. I wept as Carol sat at her sister’s bedside as she was losing her battle with cancer. Yet, I smiled as Carol recalled the fairy tales and other books on the shelves of her childhood home. She longed to read one of those books to her sister. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has loved and lost in the past or to those currently dealing with the loss of a loved one.
November 25, 2014
As with many griefs, Carol’s is entangled with her mourning over losing other relatives and friends and even her retirement. She writes:
"I try to separate my sister’s loss from that of my mother, who died nine months before Diana. Daughter. Sister. They weave into each other by stitches on a quilt. To grieve the loss of a mother and a sister at the same time is more than the sum of the two parts."
Carol identifies her book as a memoir, but it’s not a memoir in the usual sense. Instead, it’s written in the form of lyrical essays. They are all stand-alone pieces, but together they function to give the book an arc, thereby making it a memoir in a nontraditional sense.
The journey of Carol’s grieving takes place against a spiritual landscape, but Carol herself is not a particularly religious person. That she keeps searching in religious and spiritual arenas shows me that she is a very spiritual person. She refers to herself as an immature person on more than one occasion, but I found her to be a wise person in many respects.
The high point, or climax, of the book’s plot arc, occurs in the title essay “Mourning Has Broken.” In this piece, Carol’s new Reiki Master tells her that at the commemorative for Diana, Diana will give Carol a sign if Carol asks for one. When Carol’s sister gives her a sign it’s more powerful than imagined and has a profoundly healing effect on both Carol and on the reader going on this journey with Carol (the book’s protagonist I refer to here, rather than the actual Carol).
The writing style of the book is beautiful and distinctive, but I felt as if my best friend was sharing with me. I found myself very charmed by the book. I also made notes throughout the book, so that I can refer back to passages later.
All memoirs are part reflection and part storytelling, but the majority are heavier on the storytelling than the reflection. Lyrical essays tend to be heavier on reflection. In this book, Carol creates a perfect balance of the two (50-50? maybe), which I find fitting for the subject of living through grieving.
Carol’s book is the loveliest book about grief and mourning that I’ve read.
"I try to separate my sister’s loss from that of my mother, who died nine months before Diana. Daughter. Sister. They weave into each other by stitches on a quilt. To grieve the loss of a mother and a sister at the same time is more than the sum of the two parts."
Carol identifies her book as a memoir, but it’s not a memoir in the usual sense. Instead, it’s written in the form of lyrical essays. They are all stand-alone pieces, but together they function to give the book an arc, thereby making it a memoir in a nontraditional sense.
The journey of Carol’s grieving takes place against a spiritual landscape, but Carol herself is not a particularly religious person. That she keeps searching in religious and spiritual arenas shows me that she is a very spiritual person. She refers to herself as an immature person on more than one occasion, but I found her to be a wise person in many respects.
The high point, or climax, of the book’s plot arc, occurs in the title essay “Mourning Has Broken.” In this piece, Carol’s new Reiki Master tells her that at the commemorative for Diana, Diana will give Carol a sign if Carol asks for one. When Carol’s sister gives her a sign it’s more powerful than imagined and has a profoundly healing effect on both Carol and on the reader going on this journey with Carol (the book’s protagonist I refer to here, rather than the actual Carol).
The writing style of the book is beautiful and distinctive, but I felt as if my best friend was sharing with me. I found myself very charmed by the book. I also made notes throughout the book, so that I can refer back to passages later.
All memoirs are part reflection and part storytelling, but the majority are heavier on the storytelling than the reflection. Lyrical essays tend to be heavier on reflection. In this book, Carol creates a perfect balance of the two (50-50? maybe), which I find fitting for the subject of living through grieving.
Carol’s book is the loveliest book about grief and mourning that I’ve read.
August 5, 2014
This book opened corners of my heart that I never realised were closed, and took me to corners of my mind that I never realised held so many buried memories. This is so much more than the superbly crafted literature that it is. You not only travel with the author as she tries to understand and come to terms with her grief, facing three deaths in quick succession of those she loves so dearly, but you also find yourself seeing the true importance of mourning as a conscious process, acceptance, and the need to sometimes look within for answers, no matter how much it hurts.
This is not simply an account of a period in the author’s life, but the sharing of a beautiful journey through pain, fear, love, and enlightenment, with humour and common sense woven into the tapestry brought to life so vividly here. Reading this book has been an enriching experience for me, even though it brought several tears, it has made me see a few things much more clearly from my own journey through life. I highly recommend it. It is one of very few books that I will definitely read again.
This is not simply an account of a period in the author’s life, but the sharing of a beautiful journey through pain, fear, love, and enlightenment, with humour and common sense woven into the tapestry brought to life so vividly here. Reading this book has been an enriching experience for me, even though it brought several tears, it has made me see a few things much more clearly from my own journey through life. I highly recommend it. It is one of very few books that I will definitely read again.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews