Loving with Demons

by Hana Mahmood

My heart let down its hundreds of walls. But all I was loving were his demons.

I met him at a party, staring at me from across the room; eyes the colour of midnight. Like I was an undiscovered species that had fallen in his lap at the exact moment he was searching for his prey. The way he pursued me was fatal.

Our minds and souls were attracted like magnets. I had no idea I was selling my soul to the devil.

At first, our love burned beautifully. Furiously. But then the fire grew out of control. It destroyed everything we created.

The flames uncovered the truth about the man I gave my heart to. They exposed the demons hiding in the darkest parts of him.

Nero. The love of my life. The narcissist.

Loving him left me broken. Lost in the ashes of our relationship. Picking up the pieces of myself I had killed to be with him. The versions that had died in Nero's arms.

But my story doesn't end there. This phoenix rose from the ashes, and rebuilt her life.

Genres: Contemporary

401 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 30, 2024

Reviews

[Undomiel Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't believe this book has so few ratings but this is an absolute hidden gem! A very dark read to start the new year, following an abusive relationship, but I think this book does a wonderful job at exploring all facets of how these horrific situations manifest and perpetuate. The narration does a fantastic job of dismantling misconceptions such as "why didn't she just leave?" and "why does she always forgive him?" in a way that isn't just spelt out in layman terms, but carefully woven into the narrative. Not at all an easy read but a rewarding one by the end.

[Charlotte Fawdington · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, the author and the publisher, for providing me with an ebook of this in exchange for an honest review.

I feel like I start every slightly negative review with the words 'I really wanted to enjoy this'. And I did. Reading the blurb I thought this would be an interesting literary fiction piece critisicing the ease of toxic relationships in our day and age and the comfortability people have in being toxic in relationships, sure in the knowledge that they will get away with it. Unfortunately, this didn't deliver the way I needed it to, and I ended up DNF'ing at about halfway through.

The style of writing was truly beautiful, haunting, and lyrical. I loved the structure of the chapters, the fact that this was written more like a stream of consciousness rather than as a novel with structures. I enjoyed reading the style of writing, the ups and downs, and the flow of the writing. In that, the author did exceptionally well. However, I felt that I couldn't get attached to the characters or story. All I felt was apathy toward them. Books are meant to make you feel something, and this one probably would for some readers, but it didn't work for me. I just ended up feeling bored and wondering why the chapters seemed to be repeats. If the author was trying to make all the characters unlovable as a literary technique, then they definitely succeeded. If this wasn't their aim, however, it began to become a problem. The character the book follows and is written in the point of view of is as hateable as the character who was meant to be the 'villian', (or as much of a villain you can get in a lit fic book).

This book would work for readers who are looking for unlikable characters and a constant cycle of the same things but different fonts, but for me, it didn't work. I felt myself going mad with all the circles. I enjoy books that have a clearly defined progress throughout, and this was just lacking that for me.

3 stars because it really was beautifully written.

[Lisa M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enlightening...

This book is a glimpse into not only a physically abusive relationship but being in a relationship with a narcissist who physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abuses you. It highlights just how much a person can do to someone within a relationship once the trust is there. The impact of gaslighting and manipulation on a person with a loving and forgiving heart results in someone suffering from that relationship forever. It also highlights the impact of drugs, alcohol and partying on a person. A very good read. 4.5*

[Athena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loving with Demons was such a beautiful book but so so difficult to read without crying. Definitely look up trigger warnings before you pick this up because I was so not prepared. A story based on real life events that was written so beautifully and poetically. I’ve never read a book with so much realism and raw emotion captured in the storyline. This was so eye opening and so worth reading 🩷

[Sadia Bee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! I really felt the authors pain, you can tell there is so much truth to what the author experienced. I felt I could relate as I was in a similar situation in lockdown. I loved how the book was written, not overly descriptive but enough to make it all flow and read with ease. I couldn’t put it down! Great book to start the year.

[Katie Shields · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this book. I’ve had one of my own relationships be destroyed by drug addiction and abuse, and I was hoping it would be cathartic to read this. Overall I feel like the book lacked a level of depth you would’ve needed to feel like you’re actually going on this journey with Livia. We really only know pretty basic information about her and Nero’s personalities/interests/etc. I wanted to fall in love with their relationship before their downfall to really feel the pain of everything she went through. Don’t get me wrong though, there are some amazing moments in this book and Livia is so easy to love. I just wish I got to know our characters better, not just the painful moments.

[Harriet brannigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This emotional and seductive page-turner delves into themes of dark desires, deadly obsession, and the fine line between love and hatred. The story follows Livia Dahlia, who becomes entangled in a tumultuous relationship with Nero, a man whose hidden demons and narcissistic nature lead to her emotional downfall. As their love spirals out of control, Livia must confront the ashes of their relationship and rebuild her life, ultimately choosing herself. 

Overall, Loving with Demons offers a gripping exploration of toxic relationships and personal redemption, resonating with readers who appreciate stories about overcoming emotional turmoil and finding strength within oneself.

[Mrs Lane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book so much. The dialogue, the way it was written... the story. The way ones actions in a relationship like this was explained but not explained in a way that would through off the flow of this book, but in a way where your like "wow. that fucking actually makes so much sense why a person would continue to endure so much abuse" it just gives so much insight on mental health, abuse, trauma, triggers all the while delivering a story about a strong broken woman that survived so much that should have killed her spirit... but it didn't. Yeah. getting the physical copy of this for my library. loved.

[Shy Bailei · Rating 5 out of 5]

First let me start by saying if this author publishes other books I’ll buy them all. Absolutely an amazing read. The story of a young woman’s life so touching and inspiring. She’s figuring her way out in such a big city and experiencing heavy trauma in a relationship of emotional rollercoasters and having those close friends. It’s all about the journey and what it took to get where she is now. Best read so far of 2024. I encourage all the young adults growing up in the real world to read. Such a gem so relatable in many aspects 10/10

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I originally picked up this book because I thought it would have the abusers POV in it as well, however that only came from what the female lead thought he was thinking. The book is extremely well written in a realistic way of how exactly an abusive relationship goes, everything from thoughts, actions and behaviors of the one being abused, the abuser and all the friends that are around for it. And despite being in that position myself in real life I found myself frustrated again and again with Livia throughout her story. I just didn’t connect with her like I wanted to but even so, I would recommend.

[karla JR · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first introduction to the author and it was a pleasant one. Definitely a page turning book that not talk just about but but about trauma and the flaws we got as humans and how no one is a perfect person and all love stories come sometimes with pain and scars. Is a easy to read book I would recommend as a light read

[Huda Abbasi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was honestly such an amazing book. So beautifully written and I’m sure many women relate to this story. Reading it hurt but it’s a great way to show others what narcissistic abuse is. I’m so glad I came across this book because although it did hurt, it was also kind of healing. I hope to read more from this author in the future!

[Celine Ess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely loved the message this book gave, the representation of abuse and narcissism my only complaint was the writing style was a little odd for me not quite talking in past tense but also a little hard to understand what part of the relationship we were at at times but even so really powerful read.

[Jasmine 🦋 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye opening…this book was extremely eye opening giving you the insight of how a narcissistic toxic person can hold such a strong influence over others, I enjoyed the book throughout the only thing I would say is you need to get past the few couple chapters as they didn’t flow as nice but as soon as the book kicked in i was hooked throughout! Looking forward to reading more from this author 👏

[Gemma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not what I expected

I went into this thinking it was half self help and half a biography. After seeing a snippet online.
It was beautifully written, it could have done with another round from the editor but overall it was a great read.

If you are struggling with some of the themes, it could even provide a sense of support.

[Emma C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was gripped from the very beginning. I listened as an audiobook and would honestly stop mid-walk and gasp at points. Written in such an engaging way as if you are having a heart-aching, raw conversation with the author.

[Yara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some parts I really did enjoy reading and I felt the author described how an abusive relationship works really well. However, a lot of the time parts of the writing felt weak and I wasn't entirely moved or captivated. But it was an easy read and I enjoyed sitting and getting through this book.

[Natasha Albright-Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Its beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. The bear.

I got into my head and rethought about similar things that happened in my past relationships. Tw it's a hard read emotionally.

[Nazia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Truly haunting; a much needed voice to represent what narcissism can truly do in abusive relationships. I could not put this book down.

[Haleigh Stierhoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was beautifully written and absolutely relatable. 10/10 recommend for anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, and even if you haven’t, educate yourself. This book is perfect.

[Rikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. My first audio book

[Emily Whitfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been the best book I’ve read this year. The emotions that come through are unmatched and you can really understand how someone can get trapped in a cycle of abuse.

[Amelia Sinclair · Rating 5 out of 5]

passionate, gripping, moving and relatable this book healed something in me, i loved the different angles and perspectives of the relationship shown and the writing was gripping

[Isabelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fairly heavy, I cried a few times but it is so so good. Really helps you understand the psychology of a narc. I loved it

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heart wrenching read that made my heart break but it was so worth reading.

[Amy Liddell ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and written beautifully

[Jake Gerard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly accurate book depicting all forms of abuse.

[Alli Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first book from this author and I wasn’t sure what to expect initially. It began with Livia, a free spirit, finding independence from her family in the big city. In the early chapters we could be part of her growth as she sought to find herself. What she also found was Nero, a narcissistic man who would slowly begin to destroy her.
The writing was truly haunting. I could feel every one of Livia’s emotions as she tried to make good choices but was railroaded and gaslit into bad ones. I found myself rooting for her to find her strength again and to believe in herself.
An exceptional story and a book that will stay with me for a long time. Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.