Can Lacey have a happily ever after? Great question. I'd like to think she can and will. Writing A Destructive Novel Series has been a very emotional journey. One I thought was going to heal so many wounds, yet only brought them to the surface for me to relive. I pray I’ll never have to think about these again. Remember those tears you may have shed? Yeah, I did too. The look my ex-husband gave me just before I knew he was going to hurt me, the state I found my mom in at the hospital or finding out my daughter had been moved to the NICU after birth. While writing, these are things that went through my head over and over as I tried to make each scene correct for you. I’ll be honest, many times it was pure hell.
I have survived the hand of a man who thought controlling me was how relationships work. It’s not. I was very young and my confidence and self-esteem died a little each day. That is why I stayed as long as I did. That is why many women don’t leave. I can’t explain in any other words than, we are scared to leave and they somehow create this vision for us that there is no where else to go. Staying is our only option. I’m thankful every day for the support of my mom and sister for what they did to help me finally leave and let him go. I’m not only grateful for how it changed my life, but for my son too. If I had stayed, I cannot imagine the child I would have raised. Yes I would have done everything in my power to counter what he witnessed, but would it have been enough? Would he have found his Sperm Donor’s behavior tolerable or acceptable? Possibly. History could have repeated itself. For that, I am eternally blessed. He’s not that guy! For anyone found in a destructive relationship, please find a way out. There are organizations out there that can and will help. Never feel as though you are alone! You’re not. Leave before it’s too late. I have provided many resources in the previous books and will include them in this one as well.
I’d like to say I survived child abuse, but to be honest it affects me to this day. Yes, I don’t think about it every single moment, but it has taken it’s tole on my relationship with my husband. This is something I don’t think I can ever change because trust me! I have tried. It’s something that changes a person and I ask anyone who has experience anything close to what I did, to please seek professional help. There are things therapy helped me get past.
Bipolar can be a curse and a blessing in disguise. Why? Because I have been given a gift to recognize particular behaviors or as some would say red flags where others will think it’s no big deal. Remember I told you my sister and I had to admit our mom several times? Yeah, that’s a fact. One of the hardest things I did as a young teen. Now that my son has been diagnosed with the same label, I have needed many of these instincts I learned to help him. And I have. If you or anyone you know has suicidal thoughts or behaviors that alarm you, please do not make the same mistake I did and ignore them. Do I continue fifteen years later blaming myself for my moms death? Yes. Is it valid? Yes. And until you have walked in my shoes, please do not try to tell me differently. That’s all I ask.
For families dealing with a child, adult or friend with a disability, please be accepting. That is the best present you can give anyone living with it every day. My daughter is medically diagnosed as Mentally Retarded, but please do not ever call her retarded. That is one of the biggest insults you can say. There is no need to use the word.
Ever.
You know why? It’s simple. My twelve year old daughter has taught me more than I will ever teach her in a lifetime. She has opened our eyes, our hearts and our life to many opportunities I would have missed out on. The simple life is much better. A smile on her face after she accomplishes the simplest of tasks is a hundred time more powerful than buying a new vehicle or being the tenth caller to win concert tickets to your favorite band. Trust me. It’s bliss in its purest form. Don’t believe me? Volunteer or become a Unified Partner with Special Olympics or become a Buddy for Challengers. I guarantee your life will change. Your outlook, your priorities and your tolerance of ignorance will in fact change.
Thank you for taking the time to read A Destructive Novel Series. You'll never know how much it means to me.
I may have dealt with many challenges on my journey to get where I am today, but I’d like to think it’s made me a better person. My wish is that so many of you can be as fortunate as me. Find your peace and happiness. Because I sure did.
~LU Ann
Lacey Edwards
P.S. Beware of those mini vans and injured wildlife.