Chainsaw Cop Corpse

by Wol-vriey, Alan Gandy (Illustrator)

Simon is having a BAD week. When you’re a D.C. Detective, every week is a bad week, but this week has been a BAD week. For starters, some psychopath has been murdering people, stealing their body parts and smearing their corpses with peanut butter. To make matters worse, the contract killer “Boots” has recently resurfaced, and his girlfriend’s chainsaw arm destroyed his bed when he made her climax. To top it all off, he’s been peeing random body parts for days. Ears, fingers, toes… And if that weren’t bad enough, now he really has to take a dump!

Genres: Bizarro Fiction, Horror, Ebooks

210 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 1, 2012

About the author

Wol-vriey writes eXXXtreme horror fiction, and also some surrealist stuff.

To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.

His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.

On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.

Reviews

[Nefariousbig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. Very...creative, weird, wonder-full, weirdly imaginative, and pretty darn awesome for what it is intended to be. Wol makes you believe that sheep can fly because they are positive thinkers.

“Why do sheep possess antigravity?” Priya laughed. “...It’s a play on the other meaning of the word ‘gravity.’ Sheep are incapable of taking anything seriously, even their own deaths, so gravity has no meaning for them.” ... “So they float.”

That's not even the best of it. Dare I add a spoiler? FUCKING PEAUNUT BUTTER MERMAID, BITCHES!

So, again, the most appropriate adjective (or is it an adverb?) I can apply to this book is:

........................./´¯/)
......................,/¯..//
...................../..../ /
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
.........\.................\/..../
..........''...\.......... _.•´
............\..............(
..............\.............\

and, WOW. That is all.

As an aside: this is my last e-book. I don't like them, they suck. No offense to e-book lovers, but e-books are for pussies! 8P
___________________

NOT recommended for: anyone with a moral compass, nuns, school children, and cow punchers.

Recommended for: unresponsive EST patients, chronic masturbators, laser lobotomy candidates, chicken sexers, and David Lynch Crazy Clown Time fans.

Ignoble, xyxyxy-rated, orgasmic, depraved, base, far-out, fantastical, weird, stupefying, bizarre, outlandish, perverse and FUCKING AWESOME. None of these words individually can describe this story. New word: phantorgasmixotilorical? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK does not even begin to do it justice. STILL. NOT. WEIRD. ENOUGH. Could someone PLEASE do an author interview or another psychiatric evaluation on Wol?

Ok, it may NOT be this weird: http://youtu.be/6QJpY2VNP0E

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Wol-vriey contacted me and asked if I'd be interested in reading his book, Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, I said, "Great! It sounds like the perfect Valentine's Day read."
He quickly shot back, "No, no! Don't read that for Valentine's! Chainsaw Cop Corpse is MUCH more romantic!"

And INDEED it was! A tale as old as time, about a cop and his undying love for a gal with a chainsaw arm. Throw in a woman who turns into a shark and a villain who is an 8 foot tall mountain of footwear with FLESH DISSOLVING FEET, and it's hearts and flowers all the way, baby!

Simon sped his airsheep through DC, tracing the route downtown.
The sheep was a 2-muttonpower model, specially bred for police and military use. It was larger than an everyday sheep, could float higher, and carried more weight. Though flesh and blood, the airsheep was part android-modified. Its horns had been replaced with handlebars, and a control panel between them fed direction impulses directly into its brain.
The airsheep bleated meekly as it flew. Occasionally it shit turds in a green spray over the road.

Seriously? Airsheep?

How the hell does he come up with these ideas?

Anyway, Neo DC - Destroyed City, hovers ten meters over the ruins of old DC. Huge crabs patrol the surface. A chronic man-shortage leaves the remaining guys rationed out as "rotational husbands," or MAN love toys. There's a lot of frustrated ladies to satisfy, but don't worry, fellas; you get one day off a week to rest.

Now, someone is leaving the upper halves of corpses, smeared with peanut butter. (Choosy murderers choose Jif!) Simon, his ladylove and a nearly all-female police department will need all the muttonpower they can muster to solve this one.

In addition to being almost PAINFULLY IMAGINATIVE, Wol-vriey's book is bursting with an abundance of strong female characters, both good and evil, from a pair of stop-at-nothing assassins to Alice Dread, the police officer with the chainsaw arm, whose beauty is marred by massive scars that could be corrected by surgery...but she chooses to keep them.

And in the end, the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, though in stranger ways than you ever imagined.. and yes, true love conquers all, once again, in STRANGER WAYS than you ever imagined.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have this weird craving for a peanut butter sandwich...

[Shamus McCarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book, is like taking a double shot of gasoline. It starts off a little slow as Wol does some important character development, but a few chapters in and BAM it takes off running, plowing over everything in front of it. It’s hard to describe Wol’s writing. I like to think of it as Action-Adventure_Porn/Bizarro.

Fair warning, this book is ultra-violent with lots of people screwing. It’s also extremely strange and awesome. Reading this book, I felt like I was on a bullet train speeding out of control. It was intense, anybody who’s read “Alice’s Adventures in Steamland” knows the feeling. Once Wol grabs onto you, he doesn’t let you go, and he drags you through this world that is TOTALLY FUCT, while you watch the craziest story imaginable unfold in front of you. I found myself gritting my teeth the whole time, fearing my life was is in danger. I don’t want to over-sell it, I’m just trying to convey the intensity of the book.

***Spoiler Alert!!!*** ***Also Bad Words***

Ok, so the first part of my review was written while I was at work. It's a bit rushed and very PG but that's ok. Here's the dirt, if you think you can handle it.

Simon's name, should be Simon B Humping, because Simon humps the crap out of everything in this book. First, he humps his girlfriend, who has a chainsaw arm, and does such a good job she looses control of her chainsaw and destroys the bedroom. THEN, Simon has sex with a Nazi. He doesn't know what a Nazi is, but he does know how to give Nazis a good humping. He humps her so hard she starts screaming about death camps and cums a FREAKING DOLPHIN! YA, he hits it so good she starts squirting sea mammals.

Then, and then! He humps himself, while some chick watches and plays basketball. And I don't mean he jerks off, I mean he throws a hard humping down on himself. (You have to read it to understand) THEN, AND THEN!!!! HE FUCKS A GIANT CHAINSAW!!!!!! Suck on that Christian Grey, Simon B Humping makes girls squirt fish.

[Rich Jr. · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I realized that Wol-vriey's bizarro "Chainsaw Cop Corpse" takes place in a futuristic world dominated by women, I thought to myself that this book actually might be too bizarre for my taste. How Wol-vriey could possibly come up with such a far-fetched fanciful idea boggles my male-oriented mind. But I knew, if anyone could pull off such an unlikely plot theme, it would be Wol-vriey.

"Chainsaw Cop Corpse" is set in a familiar-sounding futuristic city named Neo DC, unless the characters can find a 4D television set to crawl through and suddenly appear wherever the travel disc in the DVD player directs them. The city is run by women, while the few men in town are relegated to stud service, visiting specific women on specific days (sorta like Mormon polygamy, but without the patriarchy).

The exception to the rule is main character Simon Rush, the sole male homicide detective working out of DC Police Force Headquarters. He is in love with fellow detective Alice Dread, whose ugly deformities and uglier predisposition make her incapable of love. But that arrangement suits Simon and Alice just fine, since their monogamous relationship allows both to avoid the hassle of scheduling weekly sexual liaisons like most of the population has to endure.

Plus, Simon is an unwilling, unrequited, uncloseted transsexual. Simon definitely has the proverbial "woman inside" that is trying desperately to get out. Unfortunately, the female inside of Simon is named Misogyny and she is determined to vacate the sanctuary of Simon's body, piece-by-piece, through whatever orifice is available. Once her expelled parts are reassembled and reanimated, Misogyny announces that she represents Simon's hatred for women - and Simon angrily responds by unanimating her.

Unfettered from his self-proclaimed hatred of women, Detective Simon then resumes his search for a slippery androgynoustic murderess who likes stealing her victims' legs. Simon soon discovers that the murderess is being kept alive by a mystic life-affirming urn of ashes, which has been surgically inserted into the woman's chest. The ashes were from a sexually-abused incest victim named Kimberly Welch who had died from choking on her own vomit while incarcerated in an insane asylum.

Without giving too much away, and believe me I'm not, but guess who ends up living once again with the remains of another female body inside of him? Just get a sex change already Simon and stop with the metaphors!

In conclusion, "Chainsaw Cop Corpse" is a crime novel like no other you have ever read - or are likely to read, unless you pick up some of the other bizarro novels by Wol-vriey (he has a great new zombie book out called "Vegan Zombie Apocalypse"). Wol-vriey has said that he writes to make the Weird and Warped Readably Realistic - and he pulls it off valiantly with "Chainsaw Cop Corpse."

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

When reviewing bizarro fiction, it is often hard to find a place to start.

Simon Rush is a DC cop. Who, along with his partner, Alice Dread, is investigating a series of 'locked room' murders that have mysterious peanut butter smears at each scene. In addition, he seems to be excreting human body parts...

Then, the world(s) really get crazy, with assassins, Peppermint Nazis, airsheep, Con crabs, fascinating characters and yes - chainsaws!

And just when you think his life can't get worse, well... a new surprise.

I like riding along the madness without knowing where I will end up and this is THAT kind of book!

[Kris Lugosi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wol-vriey is like the Rubik's cube of Bizarro. His world's are so full of original creations and characters with plots and subplots galore that in the beginning you can't imagine how all this information is going to fit together and make for a coherent read and then BAM! Wol-vriey reveals all things in good time and spaces out his information throughout the whole book. It's like that final step in the Rubik cube where the configuration looks the most fucked up and with a few moves, it all comes together.

Best Wol-Vriey book yet!!!!

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

When you think of Bizarro as a genre, a lot of different images come to mind. They vary from trying too hard to be David Lynch to truly epic masterpieces like The Cannibal's Guide to Ethical Living. I went into this one slightly skeptical, I admit - but Chainsaw Cop Corpse surprised me.

I actually sat and read this in one shot - not over the course of several days. (That's a rarity for me!) There definitely is a compliment in my mind - a hypercritical person such as myself could not put it down. There were points that I thought it was trying too hard to be bizarre, but it was not an overpowering aversion to the point that I stopped reading.

Also? This book has a lot of sex. A LOT of sex. Is that bad? Nah. Is it good? Meh. It was jarring on occasion... but I think the best part would have to be peppermint Nazis using human brains to screw with. (Remember, it's Bizarro, so that's nothing unexpected.)

(When I read things like this and think the things I do, I can't help but wonder if I'm desensitized or what... I didn't think it was excessively gory, disgusting or strange.)

I would honestly give it 3.5 stars, but Goodreads is not keen on the half stars for whatever reason.

I think, however, that this is definitely a step up from Adolf in Wonderland. The book is interesting in that "strange for strangeness" way, and I would be selective about who I suggested it to. Wol-vriey has his own flair for storytelling that can hook a reader in. I will likely read other works of his - and I hope that they keep improving from this point!

I'm curious to see where Wol-vriey ends up in the long run, because while this doesn't hit the point of FAMH's Cannibal's Guide, it's a step up from some of the other Bizarro works I've read.

[Fran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chainsaw Cop Corpse
Wol-vriey



Did you ever read a book and wonder exactly what the author was trying to say or the message he was conveying? Well this novel is quite unique and I have never read anything quite like it before. In a world that can be dysfunctional, where criminals commit murders, yes they do, and where abuse sometimes reigns in many homes, this novel not only includes murder, mayhem, assassins, pregnancies and mysteries murders where the killer smears peanut butter on the dead body making this one story that you might or might not like but I can tell you this you will not be bored, wonder what will happen next and oh yeah, definitely laugh. Chainsaw Cop Corpse you might think is a bizarre, dark and definitely odd novel filled with grotesque scenes, murders that are over the top and strange, an assassin who insists on getting rid of her competition and murders that would make the ones aired on CSI and Law and Order pale by comparison.

It starts off where we meet two hired assassins. One thinks or claims she is there to interview for the maid’s job when in reality she has been hired to kill the woman she is supposed to work for. But, Danni Voors is smart, so she thinks, sharp not quite and hopes to lure Fraulein Ilsa Ruhr into her well in this case bathtub to swim across the ocean waves into the turbulent waters that she has created hoping to take care of her once and for all. You heard me right the scene is really quite unique, the waters rough and the end result and who winds up well gutted and who winds up drifting along the sea and then entering the real world through a Samsung TV you won’t get from me because if I tell you it all you won’t have the fun of reading it for yourself. You just won’t believe it.

Simon Rush is a cop who has been having a really hard time in more ways than one. Dating another cop whose right arm is not real but a chainsaw, you heard me right, Alice Dread is not only strange, grotesque, physically unappealing but never needs to find a weapon since she packs one on her own. Alice and Simon are lovers and no one at the department seems to care. Mary Fletcher is a cop who works with these two and just wants to be accepted for who she is an overweight woman who tries to look good. So, when she calls Simon to the scene of two murders where the killer removes the body half of the victim and smears it with peanut butter she just want in on the case. But, it gets worse at least for Simon. You see he has a medical problem. He seems to be excreting body parts through many of his orifices upper and lower. To make it worse he is pregnant do not ask me how and the body that he is excreting is that of a female. That is all I will say about that for now except it becomes painful when the poor man needs to use the restroom. Added in we learn about airsheep that need to be fed, con crabs, characters that are colorful, strange and one young girl named Kimberly who spent her entire childhood being sexually abused by her father and brothers with the consent of her invalid mother. Making her feel guilty that her father needed a woman in his life, she not only endure torture, hard labor and 8 abortions but what her mother made her do with the dead children and the end result well you just won’t believe it. When the poor girl finally took revenge on her family, was committed the end result was and is she was resurrected as Boots and not the kind you wear on your feet the kind that has turned into a killer with an accomplice and of course someone else.


Just to let readers know that this novel is violent, the language quite graphic and the scenes not for the light of heart. Fair warning you might not want to eat before or during reading this book. Contract Killer Boots needs to be stopped as we learn about Kimberly, but the scene that he relates when Alice and Simon are summoned to stop her is really more than strange as two officers watch a murder committed, another watches what happens after and the end result is well I guess you might wonder who is going to shine Boots and what happened to the other person. Added in at each murder the killer plays a DVD called Deep Blue Sea definitely not a crowd pleaser. But, things get gory, heat up and the main concern of not only Fraulein, Alice and even the creature created from Simon’s body parts are whose going to love who. Simon has sex with quite a number of you can’t say women but rather I would say beings that were created by strange and definitely not normal means. Added in order to finally get Kimberly’s Urn back he has to mesh or blend with her to save himself but first someone kills Simon, his brains spill out and he winds up in another dimension you might say playing basketball with a creature named Crystal who tricked him into helping find Mare’s daughter when in reality it was a set up to get him to Fraulein and to take control of his body. Then, he winds up dead, reincarnated and has Alice’s chainsaw soldered on to his arm in memory of her since the creature that is comprised of his body parts was jealous of her and decided to kill the competition. It gets really wild after that. When the Superintendant of the Police department sends him through the TV screen to find the urn, Fraulein and get to the bottom of what is happening the end result is his death, his reincarnation and the rest you will have to read for yourself to find out what happens when Minty the head of the Peppermint Nazi’s takes on Simon Rush, the Fraulein and a crab named Alison and her entire army of crabs, peppermint traitors, rebuilding Oceanview for Fraulein to run and the rest is right out of a science fiction movie with so many plot twists and turns you might need to replay the scenes to really find out what happens. But, the ending will definitely surprise you and just who winds up a peanut buttery mess, crunch or decapitated you won’t get from me because I do not want to antagonize any one of these dangerous characters. Alice Dread was Simon’s love and just what really happens to her, Simon’s fate the Fraulein and the rest you will have to read Part Four of the book to find out. Added in when you read the ending you will want to know if you dare, what is next for the con crabs, the chainsaws, the Peppermint Nazis, Simon and the rest because you just might get the impression that the author is not finished with any of them. Barracuda fish, chainsaw tails, fun at every turn and in odd and strange ways for Simon, and an ending that might turn you off to crabs and fish forever, Chainsaw Cop Corpse will keep you wondering and asking: Will I ever eat peanut butter again? Just what is next for Simon if he survives? Where will the next DVD they play take them? Will things ever return to normal? What about the Police Superintendant and the poor police force? Who lives, who dies and who winds up in peanut butter or creamy peanut butter heaven, read the book to find out.

Author Wol vriey created characters that are definitely out of the ordinary and a plot that will not bore you at all but will definitely make you wonder what the message in the novel is which I think is acceptance, love and finding happiness no matter what it takes and how you have to go about it. So, Alice, Simon, Fraulein and the rest see what happens when the green-eyed monster of jealously takes over. Decide if you think Love prevails and if what they go through is worth it.

Fran Lewis: reviewer

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chainsaw Cop Corpse is a strange book that takes many different turns, but is executed well. It features a city that essentially runs on floating sheep, giant libidinous crabs, a man mysteriously excreting body parts, portal televisions, crocodile cannons, and a great many more seemingly nonsensical and disjointed elements that all fuse together to make one hell of an entertaining story.

This is one of those books that is specifically designed to be a fun ride and nothing more. You really just have to take everything as it is and not ask too many questions. Wol-vriey constantly seems to change the rules of this world as he goes along, but it's not sloppy and without direction. He jumps around quite a bit in time, but makes sure that it all comes back together eventually.

This isn't a book to read if you're looking for anything revelationary or carrying some deep, grand meaning to life. This is the kind of book to read when you just want shit to explode and lots of action to happen without much care for plot. I found myself mostly laughing and enjoying the ridiculousness of the events in the book, which is exactly its intent. In that regard, this is a great book.

[melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yikes! This is kinda like a car crash in that you know you shouldn't look but your morbid fascination gets the better of you every time. A strange ride but also a neat pulpy cop story feel to it underneath the layers of WTF. The transitions from characters and back story were very well timed and flowed pretty well.

Only complaint is that much like Simon ejaculating body parts or Fraulein climaxing out the fresh catch of the day, this story had no where to go but out so it got a bit rushed at times and could have used some cleaning up with a tad more editing. Probably would have been a 4 with a little bit more housekeeping.

[Ellie Potts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay let me tell you something first off this book might disgust you and possibly offend you. I am not easy to be disgusted or offended. Now onto the story. The story at first seemed it might be confusing but it kept me reading wanting to know more not only about the characters but the villains. The visuals were crazy, the people were crazy, the villains were crazy, but together it worked. I love the sheep and the crabs and the urn, but I won't give anything else away because you have to read it for yourself. If you like Bizarro Fiction this one needs to be added to your list to read, or if you are looking for just a crazy read. There is a LOT of crazy in this book.

[Jason Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Violent, pornographic, and inelegant prose paint an absurd, and sometimes hilarious story, featuring...well, the story has so many mind bending upside-down twists and turns, a synopsis isn't easy.
I found myself turning back chapters saying to myself, "So, the mermaid is made of peanut butter?" "That thing *shoots* crocodiles?...It's important to pay attention.
As always with Wol-vriey it's fun and explaining his stories to friends will generally get a 'Whoa' reaction.
Surreal, fun, and unforgettable. Loved it!

[Donald Armfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wol-vriey has imaginary skills. Who can take an assassin novella and pen out such a bizarre world of wonder. A strange cast of characters, this was just straight out crazy.

Sexual content, strange body limbs, a cast of characters that Lewis Carroll would create if he was on some LSD.

I think scientist should experiment on wolvey's brain activity. They may find a cure for cancer and AIDS. The only author I can compare him to is D. Harlan Wilson.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sick,Twisted and downright Nasty! Once you start it is a weird ride through a twisted world of gore sex and a strange future. The writing allows you to visualize everything! Be prepared! This was my first read from Wol but surely more will follow.

[Orange · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a WTF moment from the first page through the rip-roaring ending! And that's a good thing. Really, for a shorter book, it packs a whole lot of warped deliciousness. I would definitively recommend it to, um... my internet friends.

[Auntie Raye-Raye]

New Wol-Vriey book?! Ahhhhhhhh, I need this!!

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think it's a good sign when I keep saying, out loud, "What the fuck is happening!?" while reading a book.

[Penny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chainsaw Cop Corpse is a violent, pornographic, twisted mind fuck, with a romantic flare. If your tired of the same old stories, the same plots, and the same monsters, then here's the answers to your prayers. This book had the sweet moments, the gut wrenching moments, and the WTF moments. Honestly, I found it to be a delightful change of pace, and well worth reading. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for something new, and different. I'd love to Chainsaw Cop Corpse made into a movie.

[Hailey · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was incredibly creative, imaginative, and funny.

I liked that it switched between multiple characters and you got origin stories, origin stories are always wonderful.

I might be too obsessed with the A Song Of Ice and Fire series, but I would say to myself many times in this book "what is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger" every time a character bit it.

When I started the book I didn't like it at all. I was actually really annoyed at the beginning because I felt like I was reading and just getting nowhere. It does pickup and it picks up really fast. I went from hating it to really enjoying where it was going.

I loved the idea of Misogyny, Simon's weird baby that was actually a reflection of his woman hating self. The whole birthing process was one of the things that annoyed me, and it was silly of me to be so bothered, but I felt like it was just a weird thing Simon had going, not that it would ever become a full fledged character in the book, so when that happened I was pleasantly surprised because I found it unique and a clever addition to the book.

THIS IS WHY WE DON'T JUDGE BOOKS BY THE FIRST 30-50 pages, you miss all the good shit.

It has some very original and interesting characters and I can't really go into any of that, because I don't want to spoil everything. It has twists, which I wasn't really expecting from a Bizarro book. All books usually have a twist, but to me Bizarro just plows straight on through and since all of it is fucked up you don't really expect to be surprised by any turn of events. In this one, I actually was. I would recommend this to people I know can deal with violent and graphic imagery.

My only big complaint is the continued mention of gore as a description instead of the actual description. It does describe in the book plenty, but there were at least three instances when it just said gore and I would have loved to have had full descriptions instead. I like the violent books, I look forward to the gore.

This is was my first Bizarro book not written by Carlton Mellick III and I enjoyed it and I definitely look forward to reading more of Wol-vriey's books.

[S.B. (Beauty in Ruins) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay. So, a shape-shifting shark assassin lures the would-be assassin she herself hired) into a magical bath, and casts them both adrift in a magical sea. When the tide turns (tide – get it?), thanks to the flexible knife of a panty waistband, the hired assassin is left to paddle for her life in a canoe carved from the dead shark. Oh, and there’s a cop with an over-developed sex life (not to mention a disfigured girlfriend with a chainsaw for an arm) who has body parts growing behind his organs, leaving him to urinate fingers and give birth to severed heads through his anus.

Lest you fear I’ve spoiled the entire plot, we’ve only reached the first chapter of Chainsaw Cop Corpse. Wol-vriey proves himself one of the weirder, yet paradoxically more accessible, purveyors of Bizarro fiction, pushing the limits in every possible respect, but never completely crossing the line between narrative and self-indulgence.

This is one of those books that demands you strap in, hold on, and just enjoy the ride. If you’re not at least a little disgusted, a little creeped out, and a little nauseated, then you’re not reading close enough. Like your twenty-seventh time through the twisted pretzel of a rickety wooden roller coaster, however, you’re bound to enjoy the ride. Once you’ve shot out of the gate, the ride up that first hill is a bit slow, but once you plummet over the top, the story kicks into high-gear and never stops.

There’s a healthy dose of violence, sex, profanity, gore, psychological mayhem, and pseudo-philosophical musings along the way that illuminate and accentuate the story. Surprisingly, there’s also some significant plot development, including a few twists and turns that actually move the story towards a climax, as opposed to just mess with the readers head. Like all Bizarro fiction, you’re either going to love it or hate it – there’s no middle ground – but you’ll feel dirty either way.


https://sallybend.wordpress.com/2013/...

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wol-vriey asked me to read and rate based on what I thought of The Cannibals of Candyland...who am I to refuse a book?

So...um, I am really not sure what to say about this odd odd book. I did enjoy reading it, and am a little disturbed that a favorite character was a clitoris...and a "witch" named Crystal Baller, but well...

I did really like how the characters traveled, would be fun to have a TV screen to travel through.

It incorporated much of what makes bizarre books bizarre, and so I got what I expected. It was a good read, and pretty quick once I sat down to read it.

[Rodney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first experience with Wol-vriey and I am glad I did it. It was a fun ride. If you were to take away the storyline and character development and simply describe to someone some of what is in the book, it would sound quite ridiculous. Yet, the author has the skill to make all of it work so well within the context of the story. You really do become wrapped up in the world that is created. The physical makeup of the characters and their environments were so creatively off the wall. I will certainly be reading more from this author.

[Jamie Grefe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wol-vriey's novels warp expectations every time. When we talk about how stories twist and turn and move forward compellingly, we realize Wol-vriey is already three steps ahead of us and prepared to make us rethink those expectations by skillfully creating some of the strangest images imaginable that will simultaneously turn us on and disgust us. That's quite a feat. I want more.

[Jamie Palitzsch-williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wild ride. I loved it!!

[John Gibbons · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the plot being all over this was good enough to keep me engaged. It was weird, violent and everything I hoped for. Probably the weirdest book I've ever read. I look forward to reading more Wol-Vriey.

[Linda Strickland · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could not finished.

[Victor Merling · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm currently writing a review of this book. I want it to be well thought out, so it might take a few days.

EDIT: I promised the author I'd write a review for this book, but procrastination led to forgetting, it's been 3 years and I still haven't done it.
But there is still one or two things I'd like to say about this book. It has a character about whom nothing is ever said besides the fact that he is gay, which means he is weak and deserves to be laughed at. This is probably the reason why I never quite got to writing the review. Anger doesn't look good on my writing.
This is a book, that just keep throwing outrageous stuff on the wall to see if it sticks. It doesn't have a consistent mythology and whatever comes naturally out of it. It's a little having a deus ex machina, except instead of solving the characters' problems it tries to be edgy and cool with stuff that comes out of nowhere.
And before anyone says that this is what bizarro is like, I have to say that no, it's not. Some bizarro books have a basic idea (a very bizarre one, lol) and move forward from that point on. Even new elements added to the world building, characters and plot always feel part of the already established story, instead of just random sh*t that came out of the writer's childish mind. If you want to examples of books that avoid the edgier-than-thou bottomless pit I'd recommend two books by Carlton Mellick, III. The first The Haunted Vagina takes a very bizarre idea of a woman with spooky sounds coming out of her vagina and just keeps going from that point. Weird things happen but it never seems like the author is thinking "what else can I do now, that is going to be cool/edgy/bizarre?". Everything naturally flows from the bizarre premise and bizarre logic.
Another one that avoids the edgy-trap is Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. It asks what if after the end of the world, Mc Donalds (yes, the one with the clown and the burgers) was the corporation that managed to get things going again. With their unhealthy and genetically modified food being the only source of nutrition what would happen to the population? And what would they do then? And after that? And it keeps going until the conclusion of the book. All plot points naturally flow from the premise.
I'm sorry if it became a review of 2 other books, but before I come back to saying what I don't like about this book I had to give examples, within the bizarro genre, of books that don't make the same mistakes.
Chainsaw Cop Corpse has too many things on its plate and by the time you feel like you can't even balance it anymore, he goes and dumps a few more things on top of it. And most of them just feel unnecessary and like they came out of no-fucking-where.
It still gets 2 stars because some of the elements thrown in on the plate are actually good, even if the delicious lasagna gets smothered with smothered with steaming chocolate sauce, bacon, eggs, sushi and a spicy bowl of chinese noodles, it was still good lasagna.

[April Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

A riot of the bizarre set in a female dominated world, complete with mutant crabs and a homicidal peanut butter mermaid. Loved it. Three stars only because I've enjoyed some of his other books more than this one.

[Debra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Received book through Goodreads first read giveaway. I was curious so I entered. I have never read this type of book before and most likely never will again. It was just not for me.

[Tamiya Bates · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book was very weird but very ggod. i was surprised that i liked it as much as i did. it was full of crazy sex, crazy death and just plain crazy stuff!! if u like weird u will so love this book.