Behind My Smile: Finding Hope When Life Leaves You Feeling Shattered

by Kellie Bullard

At 26 years old, Kellie found herself living out her dream; married to her soulmate, and raising a beautiful daughter and son together in their home out in the country. 12 days before their third wedding anniversary, Kellie’s dream quickly turned into her worst nightmare when she lost her husband to a tragic car accident just a quarter of a mile from their home. She found herself questioning everything and had never experienced anything like this to put her faith to the test. Nothing had ever quite transformed her so completely.

In Behind My Smile, Kellie shares how she found hope where there seemed to be none and offers guidance for you to do the same. Whether you’re grieving a loved one, going through a divorce, or simply navigating a world that is nothing like how you expected it to be, you will find encouragement and truths to help walk through your valley.

This is not a book of solutions, how-tos, or cliches. It’s a raw, vulnerable, and honest journey through doubt, questions, and endless tears. It’s a reminder that God is our hope and comforter even when we can’t see or understand what He’s doing. There is redemption to be found and hope to be had.

Paperback

Reviews

[Shanna Hutcheson · Rating 5 out of 5]

so incredibly inspiring

Kellie, you are amazing. I loved this book so much and thought it was SO well done. Although I have not lost a spouse, I am walking my own unique grief journey, and I found myself highlighting nearly half of the book. I felt like I could’ve written most of it myself because we have had so many identical thoughts and emotions. I appreciate Kellie’s vulnerability so much, and really admire her faith in God throughout this journey. I’m in awe of you and aspire to have your same outlook on things. Grateful to have crossed paths with Kellie online and highly recommend this book to anyone also navigating grief. However, I think those NOT going through grief could also really benefit from learning more about how to support those of us experiencing it. 5/5!!!

[Amanda Pike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book and message

I can't imagine going through what the author went through!! But choosing God in the midst of all the pain she went through is amazing, and I would hope I would do the same.

[Caitlin S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Kellie for a few years on instagram and really enjoyed watching her journey unfold. Her strength through unexpected loss is incredibly heartbreaking and so admirable. SO proud of her beautifully written book that helps shed light on our “grief illiterate” society.

[Katrina Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book 43 of the year. Yes, encouraging. Yes, heartbreaking. But above all, glorifying to God.

At 26 years old, with a 2 year old and a 7 week old, Kellie suddenly becomes a widow when her husband is killed in a car accident a quarter mile from their house. This is the story, not of how she's moved on, but how she's moved forward in learning to cope in life after devastating loss.

She'll never forget her husband Alex, and she'll make sure her kids know who he was. But she's gotta figure out how to move forward because God still has her here, even if it's without Alex.

You will absolutely cry and hold your spouse tighter reading this book, but you'll also gain compassion and wisdom for how to help those who find themselves in grief.

[Tonya Crego · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who lives nearby and followed her story as it unfolded, I’m thankful for Joy on the other side of this tragedy. My heart literally grieved for Kellie so I guess it’s sort of some closure for myself.

So much great information, for everyone, to prepare us for what to do if we lose a loved one or someone close to us loses a loved one. I’m naturally the pull away type bc I never know what to say or do and don’t want to be a burden so this is helpful.

And it points to our one and only Savior! Jesus!

Thanks for sharing your journey Kellie.

[Angie Johns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kellie Bullard’s book recounts her life after losing her husband in a tragic car accident and having to navigate motherhood (with two young children) and life as a new widow. I love that her book constantly pointed the reader to Jesus and that Kellie was so transparent about the struggles that she faced after losing her spouse. She also gave helpful tips that everyone can benefit from regarding hard conversations that you should have with loved ones because life is short and you never know what the future could hold.

[Karoline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an inspiring, motivating, and quick read! I have followed Kellie on Instagram for a while now but really wanted to learn more about her and how she coped with the loss of her husband at such a young age. This book really puts things into perspective about living life to the fullest and getting through grief the best way you can. This book makes you appreciate the little things in life and how to help yourself and others through grief. Thank you for sharing your story, Kellie ♥️

[kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

So beautifully written!

Kellie sharing her journey of grief in such an open, honest, emotional, heartfelt book was so inspiring. I remember reading about this accident and it was heartbreaking. I highly recommend this book - the way she shares ways people can help, what to say, things you can do to provide comfort to someone going through a loss is so helpful as it is always difficult to know just what to do and say..

[Tricia Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been following Kellie on Instagram for almost two years. I feel like I know her from reading her heartbreaking and vulnerable posts about losing her husband, Alex, and the ensuing suffocating grief. I am so thankful she has found joy. I read this book in a single sitting. I am inspired by her strong faith and pursuit of God’s will during her darkest days. I highly recommend!
4.5 stars

[Kristen Morey · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you give someone who shared their grief journey and allowed themselves to be extremely vulnerable any less than 5 🌟. I've followed her on Instagram for a year now, and I pray for her family often. Her strength in the Lord was beautiful to read.

[Brenda Weston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautiful!!! Kellie does an amazing job of sharing her story, her heart and love of God. This book is such a great book for anyone who has had a loss or struggled in a hurt and wonders how to move forward. A must read!!

[Jennifer Schreiner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully Written!!!

I’ve been following Kellie’s story for quite awhile now and ended up reading her book in one day. So happy you found love after loss. You definitely deserve it!!!

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and raw. Love how she explained in detail her grief and what to say and handle people going through grief. Inspirational in trusting God through all our mountains we climb in life. Never alone. Well written in all the details. I will be sharing this book with others.

[Melissa Coffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Kellie for about a year so I couldn’t wait to read this book! It’s so good, not only does she tell her heartbreaking story but she gives you advice and tells you how to help people who are grieving. Her faith in God is such an inspiration! I loved this book!

[Meghin Moen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful

Beautifully written! Thank you for pouring your heart into soul into this book. I have not lost, but this is a beautiful reminder to love wholeheartedly and that God is good.

[Chloe Lindbom · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who recently lost my fiance, this book hit the heart strings hard. Kellie is someone who I have followed for a while and now that I am in my own grief her book was just what I needed to read. The book is a beautiful read that will leave you with no dry eyes.

[Miranda Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Kellie on Instagram for a few years. She has helped me to understand that my grieving process is completely normal. Through reading this book, I learned that no one person grieves the same, and my feelings of loss and sadness are not comparable to others.

[Melissa Meehan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like there was a lot of repetition in each parts from previous parts. I also felt like it was in the way of rambling. I enjoyed getting to know the authors story and her journey back to faith.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a raw, vulnerable, inspiring read!!

[Suzy Gomes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw & Beautiful


I read this in one day and it literally made me cry and feel her heartbreak but joy as well once she found happiness again!!!!

[Lauren Hafer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very powerful book. My heart goes out to Kellie and her family!

[Sophie Delahoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very inspiring book - not overly well written but isn’t a full time author so expected. A very sad story with a happy ending

[Michele O’Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kellie clearly poured her heart and soul into this book about her raw and vulnerable grief journey through the unexpected loss of her husband. The faith she has is palpable—it’s inspiring and encouraging to all.