The Birds, the Bees, and the Elephant in the Room: Talking to Your Kids About Sex and Other Sensitive Topics

by Rachel Coler Mulholland

Known as Shug to her nearly 1 million TikTok followers, Rachel Coler Mulholland has become a favorite voice for parents trying to navigate tricky conversations with their curious and confused children. As a nationally certified counselor with a master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling, she is the ideal person to write this book, which will empower parents and caregivers by helping facilitate essential but scary conversations with their kids, from toddlers to teens. The book covers a broad variety of topics including how babies are made, dating, safe sex practices, the differences between gender and sexual orientation, and how to discuss consent. It is perfect for caregivers struggling to find the words, and it aims to help navigate the sometimes murky waters of discussions around bodies and sex. Written in the frank and funny tone of Rachel’s videos, this book arms readers with applicable skills and accurate knowledge and keeps the next generation of kids safe in an ever-changing world.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Self Help

304 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2024

Reviews

[Beka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book. I listened to her excellent narration, and now I will be looking to buy a paperback to highlight the phrases and topics that I need brushing-up on as my oldest gets into the preteen years. Whew. This book deals quite well with giving caregivers scripts and reasoning for younger age sets, but also VERY much into the elementary ages and teen/young adult year conversations. Highly recommend. Immensely practical.

[Katy]

Some great info here. I’ll be referring back as my child grows.

[Melissa St. Arnauld · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is sure to turn into one of my go-to resources for having some of those more complicated body and sex talks with my step-daughter as she grows. I love how Mulholland breaks things down into age appropriate topics to help protect our children’s young brains and leads in with a foundation of unconditional positive regard.

My child knowing that first and foremost that her adults will never stop loving her no matter what she does or says will one day give her the confidence that she can always come talk to her safe adults instead of taking to the internet. I believe that if I had parents that read this, I could have potentially prevented some of my own stumblings and would given me a stronger foundation for what is and isn’t ok when it comes to consent and standing up for myself.

I ended up buying two copies of this, one for our house and one for my step-daughter’s mom. That way we all of our daughters safe adults can be on the same page when it comes to addressing The Birds, the Bees, and the Elephant in the Room.

[Zara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll admit - when I started listening to this, I felt like perhaps I wasn't the right audience. (Of course MY kids know I love them no matter what; of course I will ALWAYS talk to my kids honestly and openly about sex.) But I'm really glad I didn't let my cocky self quit - there's so much here that I really, truly, do NOT know how to talk about with my kids, and Mulholland's scripts, with different language and nuance for different ages, was so helpful and affirming. I think the biggest "ah ha" finding, for me, was realizing that my kids have a right to consent with information, which includes their right to say, "Mom, stop" when I'm giving them too much information, or talking about a topic they can't really handle at the moment. I do a lot of forging ahead no matter what ("for their own good!") but it's really not fair if they can't "close the tabs/keep scrolling", as it were. For parents of kids of all ages, but definitely the 7+ groups.

[Jennifer Lambert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although sometimes overwhelming for me, a great resource for all parents, want to be parents, and safe adults. Glad to have this exist.

[Mackenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an essential read that gracefully opens the door to conversations many adults dread but every family desperately needs. With a voice that is both warm and wise, the author skillfully blends humor, compassion, and clarity to guide parents through the often awkward territory of talking to kids about sex, consent, bodily autonomy, and emotional intelligence.

What makes this book stand out is its honest, age-appropriate approach. It doesn’t just offer a “talk”, as much as it offers scripts that offer a conversation framework to promote confidence in both the child and the adult. The author masterfully tackles “the elephant in the room” by breaking down taboos and providing real-world advice, diverse scenarios, and inclusive language that reflects the reality of today’s families.

Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher, or therapist, this book is a must-have. It’s more than a guide—it’s a tool for raising informed, empowered, and respected young people. The Birds, The Bees, and The Elephant in the Room is not only enlightening; it’s a breath of fresh air in the world of modern parenting.

[Amanda Gimm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love this book. I can't wait til my other parent friends finish so we can talk about it. A staple in guides to being a modern-day parent.

[Kaela Brite · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone who cares for or loves a growing human should read this book.

[Gelske · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yep, must-read voor elke ouder of verzorger van een kind.

[Avanell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful with lots of practical advice and scripts with how to talk to kids about sex at different ages and stages.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25! Did 90% of this audiobook, but goodreads doesn't seem to have that edition yet

[mrs_z07 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never felt more comfortable, more empowered or more compassionate about talking to my kids about these sensitive topics.

This book was absolutely amazing. Loved the scripts, loved the info, loved the summaries (that I passed to my husband to read as I finished a chapter) and loved the recommendations at the end for more info (not that I feel it's needed).

Thank you, Rachel, for this resource! It's incredibly helpful!

[Christina Whyte · Rating 4 out of 5]

i would recommend this book to any parent of any aged child. i’m gonna buy it for my own personal collection to refer back to time and time again.

only critique/criticism that docked it to 4 stars:
- i wish there was a dedicated page of the great nuggets of advice she gives (like the actual things she says to the kids) instead of vague overarching bullet points in her chapter synopses. when i’m thumbing back through the book, it would’ve been cool to have been like “oh yea that’s what she said here” bc i don’t always carry a highlighter on me u kno

[Brittany E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I discovered the author on Tik Tok and quickly followed her for her parenting advice that really resonated with me. My children are young (4 and 6) and I want to make sure I am laying the groundwork for an open, honest, communicative relationship with them as they grow. This book provides great advice on some of the ways to do that now and as they age. I loved it even more than I thought I would. I instantly told me husband to download it and listen and we have already had some great conversations together about our parenting because of this book. We did not grow up in households that allowed for curiosity and questions and communication. Sometimes that makes it even harder to deal with uncomfortable subjects because we have to fight past the shame we grew up with. We are dedicated to doing better by our children though and if you are too, then you should read this book. Being able to hear an example of what a healthy conversation on these topics sounds like is so helpful. Read this book and be the parent you wish you had growing up.

[Mikayla Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

For all those who were forced to learn about sex from adolescent friends spreading misinformation, late night HBO Shows, and/or sneak peaks at Cosmo magazines, Coler Mullholland provides the blueprints to do better for your children. Addressing the many "unknowables" about teaching sex education, this author helps readers create a refreshing safe space for all ages to learn the power of their own bodies.

[Cherry Fox · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has quickly become an essential read for anyone guiding children through the often tricky conversations surrounding sexuality and body awareness. The author does an excellent job blending factual information with humor and a compassionate tone, making what could be uncomfortable discussions more approachable and engaging. It's clear that the writer has put thought into creating an educational yet entertaining read, which is especially helpful for parents, teachers, coaches, and therapists looking to tackle these important topics.

The book offers well-structured guidance on age-appropriate discussions, ensuring that parents can navigate every stage of a child's development, from preschool to pre-teen years, with confidence and clarity. It's not just about facts; it's also about providing space for families to incorporate their own values and moral perspectives.

One of the most praised aspects of the book is the inclusion of "parent scripts," which give concrete examples of what to say in those potentially awkward moments. These scripts are a game-changer, as they not only help parents find the right words but also provide an empathetic framework to approach sensitive subjects like body changes, sexual health, and personal boundaries.

Reviewers have expressed how much they appreciate the book's practical advice, with many saying it is a valuable resource they'll return to as their children grow. Whether you're just starting to discuss these topics with a young child or preparing for the teen years, this book will equip you with the tools to handle these difficult conversations with ease.

In short, this is a comprehensive, informative, and accessible guide that should be in every parent's library. It's a thoughtful, well-crafted book that makes an important, often uncomfortable topic much easier to address. Highly recommended!

[Jordan Byers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was great. I feel like it can all be summed up here: "accurate information does not have to be at war with your deeply held beliefs"

this book guides you with ideas and even she appropriate scripts for how to talk to your children about their bodies, puberty, relationships, and sex. it even takes into consideration our culture (if you wear x, people will think this.. since we love here, it is expected that you __).

it's also interesting coming from my background. being very religious with a lot of rules (that i appreciate, but still) and having very different beliefs from the author, it still was so helpful to read because like she had said (and as we've been counseled in our church) we live in a world where the best way to protect our kids is to give them accurate information, and good ways to learn more, so they know where to turn when they have questions. i would rather have hard and awkward conversations with my kids than let the Internet or some random adult with bad intentions tell them.

must read for parents of early teens and younger!

[Emma K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book fills a gap in the literature and I am so happy that it exists! Millennials that grew up understanding that topics related to sex, bodies, consent, etc. were taboo/inappropriate/shameful- this one is for you! Even if you don’t have kids it may be healing. So many research-backed strategies, suggestions, and guidance surrounding navigating discussions with your kids around these tricky topics. Loved it and will reread sections as needed.

[Hillary Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the author notes, the best way to have difficult or uncomfortable conversations is to prepare for them ahead of time and think about what message you would like to convey, so gave this a listen even though my child is still very young. Thought this had a lot of really great and practical advice that puts the child's health, safety and autonomy at the forefront. Will consider buying a physical copy to keep on hand (I listened to the audiobook).

[Krystine Lindemann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this for anyone with children or who is a safe adult for children to seek advice from. Amazing age appropriate scripts for body talk and learning how to human with a whole person perspective that respects each child’s desire for knowledge and understanding what their brains are ready for at each age and stage!

[Tess Bridges · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first parenting book I've read, and I highly recommend it. I feel more equipped to talk to my kids when it comes to sex, body talk, etc. Each kid is different, but this book gave me a good foundation. There was a lot of information, so I will definitely need to re-read the parts that apply most right now. Rachel had a good way of explaining things to different ages.

[Rachel Ruettiger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so insightful on the difficult topics as your child becomes a grown up. She talks about all the types of sexual activities & how to get your child used to using contraceptives. She also talks about how using the correct words for body parts will help your child be less confused as they grow up. Like I said, very insightful!

[Debra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway. I got it for a friend who is a first time mom. I gave it 3 stars based on my opinions but I'm not a parent so I will update this review once my friend reads it and gives me her thoughts.

[ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO GOOD! should be required reading for every parent tbh

[Sam Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great way to learn better how to talk to your kids about uncomfortable subject. It really breaks it down.

[Krystal N · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is exactly the resource I have been looking for to tackle some of the tough questions. Most books just cover the mechanics, but this dove deeper into safety, relationships, dating, and more.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't finish this, but I'm definitely going to get a copy for myself for future use! Very informative, helpful, and rather funny to break it up.

[allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

enjoy this author’s Tiktok and glad her balanced & healthy perspective is now reference-able via a well constructed book

[Linnea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thorough, age-appropriate advice, inclusive, and proactive. Well done!!