Modern Brides & Modern Grooms: A Guide to Planning Straight, Gay, and Other Nontraditional Twenty-First-Century Weddings

by Mark O'Connell

This post-DOMA book is for any couple—same or opposite sex—seeking a personalized wedding that dignifies the relationship and the individual self. No “new normal” here, this guide emboldens you to harness your unique, brazen, queer, truth; to be creative; and to plan your wedding your way.

Every fiancé faces the question: How do I become something new without losing myself? Using his own story—from he and his husband connecting via MTV’s The Real World through to the real world of their marriage—author Mark O'Connell reflects on conflicts that arrive during wedding transitions, as well as various other transitions throughout your lives.

As a psychotherapist, O'Connell offers ideas to bridge relational gaps with your partner, your family, and with friends. As a professional actor, he also offers insight into the ways your wedding is a theatrical production: how this can help you to conceptualize the event; consolidate your efforts; and increase creative collaboration as a couple. This will not only serve you on the day, but also for the rest of your time together.

Whether we’re straight, gay, or other, weddings inspire us to carve out more fun, freedom, recognition, life-space, love-space, and connubial space than we’ve ever had before.

Genres: Nonfiction

288 pages, Hardcover

First published November 4, 2014

About the author

Mark O'Connell, LCSW, is a NYC-based psychotherapist in private practice. He is author of the books "The Performing Art of Therapy" and "Modern Brides & Modern Grooms." He writes the Psychology Today column Quite Queerly, and contributes regularly to Psychotherapy Networker, The Huffington Post, among other popular sources. His clinical writing has been published in a number of scholarly journals. He is also a husband, father, actor, cat lover, sometimes cake decorator, a bit of a gender anarchist, and a professional multi-hyphenate.

Reviews

[Ed Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing I have discovered as a new wedding minister, one can never have enough fresh insights. O'Connell has given me this resource; what an unbelievably supportive and fun read! this well thought out and human book provides how-to guidelines and bits of knowledge into arranging a wedding ceremony that embraces the changing face of marriage in our society. Flawless, truly for any couple looking to have a fresh and new nuptial.

[Katthew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Obviously, i'm not wedding planning, but this is the first book i'd go to when i do end up planning my wedding. however, i think it's relevant for anyone in any sort of long-term serious relationship. (I'm not.) it's full of funny anecdotes and insights into what it means to have a "queer" wedding. the modern wedding increasingly deviates from tradition, due to thorough analysis of what those traditions really mean to the couple themselves. it's better to do what's meaningful to you, rather than go through the motions of what a bride and groom always do. I would have enjoyed it better if it contained a more cohesive walk-through of the wedding planning process, but you can't have it all. Despite its lack of checklists, it surprised me.

[Ida · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps the most impressive aspect (one of many!) of O’Connell’s Modern Brides and Modern Grooms is its inclusivity. Not only could this book be used as a very practical wedding guide—regardless of your religious background, income level, or sexual orientation—it could function as a broadly insightful text for anyone interested in reflecting on their relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners (past, present, or desired future). This is not a book about necessarily rejecting traditions of any shape, size, or form; rather, it is about exploring the many and various ways you can choose to make your own traditions—recognizing and celebrating the history, beliefs, and values that matter most to you.

[Joyful Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book on wedding planning. Not only does it help with logistical planning and practical things, most importantly, it helps with managing personalities and expectations. If you have planned a wedding, you know how things that you don’t think you care about become huge and how families struggle for power amid “the way things should be done”. Mark O’Connell addresses all that and more in a funny, thoughtful and helpful way, amid personal insights from his own experience. Hands down, the best wedding planning book there is. Highly recommended: five stars.

[Elisa Rolle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Modern Brides & Modern Grooms: A Guide to Planning Straight, Gay, and Other NonTraditional, Twenty-First Century Weddings by Mark O'Connell: http://reviews-and-ramblings.dreamwid... 2015 Rainbow Awards Honorable Mention (5* from at least 1 judge)

[Ida · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps the most impressive aspect (one of many!) of O’Connell’s Modern Brides and Modern Grooms is its inclusivity. Not only could this book be used as a very practical wedding guide—regardless of your religious background, income level, or sexual orientation—it could function as a broadly insightful text for anyone interested in reflecting on their relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners (past, present, or desired future). This is not a book about necessarily rejecting traditions of any shape, size, or form; rather, it is about exploring the many and various ways you can choose to make your own traditions—recognizing and celebrating the history, beliefs, and values that matter most to you.

[Trever · Rating 3 out of 5]

By the time I had read this, we were one month out from our big day. I thought quite a bit was relevant to us and even without the book we did quite a few of the same things. The book was an interesting read, but more of the psychological point of different wedding traditions than actual wedding advice.

[Kerrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mark's is an insightful, thoughtful, individual and human voice. This book is a must read for anyone planning a walk down the aisle!

[mandy broyden · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for advice and takes on nontraditional weddings. I got a rather voyeuristic view of the author's relationship. i like a good story, but this book felt like 75% personal story, 10% examples, and 15% (maybe) actual information and advice.