Drop: Making Great Decisions - Use Neuroscience to Retrain Your Brain and Make Better Life Choices

by Helen McKibben

Engage your brain the way it is naturally designed to work.

Real people have applied Dr. McKibben's method of "dropping to the blank screen" to

-make better decisions
-improve sleep
-increase self-confidence
-become a more effective parent
-enhance athletic perfomance
-attract healthier friends and partners
-heal addictions
-handle disruptive people

Using her passion for neuroscience, Dr. Helen McKibben practices psychotherapy in the Washington DC area.

Genres: Psychology

215 pages, Paperback

First published May 14, 2024

About the author

Over the course of Helen McKibben's 35 years of psychotherapy practice, she's worked with people from all walks of life–professionals, athletes, musicians, parents, students, and romantic partners. She's spent decades working with people who are struggling with addiction of all types from substance abuse to disordered eating, and anyone who has difficulty with managing themselves or other people. Dr McKibben has dedicated her life’s work to understanding how to help people overcome their struggles and make great decisions.

Reviews

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Helen McKibben’s new book Drop: Making Great Decisions is a practical guide that offers a simple and effective framework to deal with various issues, from parenting to coping with difficult people, addictive behaviors, and even the challenges of dating in our fast-moving world.

The book provides a comprehensive understanding of the physiological, emotional, and mental processes that we experience when internal or external events trigger us. It's the first self-help book I’ve found based on neuroscience that describes these processes in simple terms that anyone can understand.

Segments of client conversations and examples that showcase how this technique works in a myriad of circumstances help illustrate this process's power.

Have you ever found yourself ruminating for hours, days, or years over events you wished you had reacted to differently? Do you spend sleepless nights going over conversations in your mind that didn't go well? Or do you find yourself being attracted to the same type of person and feeling frustrated when a relationship doesn't work out? Perhaps you've spent time planning an event or a meaningful conversation and then been thrown for a loop when things don't go as expected. If so, this book is for you.

Dr. McKibben’s three-step process for dealing with triggering events is simple to learn, easy to remember, and it takes practice. But then, learning most new skills, whether to hit a golf ball, give a winning presentation, or navigate a challenging conversation, takes practice.

When we experience a triggering event, our body responds physiologically. Dr. McKibben calls this "lighting up." Once you've identified how your body responds, you can drop to what Dr. McKibben calls a blank screen. This allows you to notice your feelings and listen to your thoughts and ideas with a neutral mind. This process allows your conscious mind to catch up with your body's response and provide you with thoughts, ideas, and information on how to proceed.

I appreciated Dr McKibben’s final words. “Trust your brain. That’s what this is all about. Your brain is already equipped with everything you need to identify and make excellent decisions for yourself.”

I highly recommend this book for people who want to learn how to connect their body, unconscious mind, and conscious brain to make the best decisions for themselves, no matter the circumstances.

Carol Putnam, PhD

[Janette Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Traditionally, self-esteem has been defined as whether a person likes himself or not. However, Dr. McKibben defines self-esteem as the ability to listen to one's first instinctual thought, feeling, or idea and make independent decisions. High self-esteem allows you to look inward for guidance rather than relying on others to shape your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

This book demonstrates how to use the "Drop to the blank screen" method to pause and respond with how you feel, what you observe, or what you want to do, instead of deferring to others. Developing high self-esteem can transform how you see yourself and how others interact with you. With insights into how self-esteem affects all our decisions, this book offers a comprehensive guide to making better choices in life.

This book provides a great deal of insight into the importance of self-esteem in our decision-making process. The author provides detailed information on how to "Drop to the blank screen" in the following situations:

Improve sleep
Increase self-confidence
Become a more effective parent
Enhance athletic performance
Attract healthier friends and partners
Heal addictions
Handle disruptive people

Dropping to the blank screen is more than a simple relaxation or meditation technique. Dr. McKibben teaches us how to respond to people thoughtfully instead of just reacting. By using memory retrieval and decision-making, the method aims to convert emotions into responses based on high self-esteem and the ability to lead a fulfilling life.

I have already started using this technique in communication with family members and friends. IT WORKS!!! There are many parts of the book that I will reread and study to use the method most effectively.

[Carla Pineda · Rating 5 out of 5]

An very interesting read. I find this topic fascinating and the fact that so much research and study is being done is positive. This book is an approachable read for the lay person. It is easy to follow but the topic is not over simplified. The first chapters gives hands on examples of how to "drop to the blank screen" and rewire your brain, redefine self-esteem and overcome the critical voice we all try to silence from time to time. Following chapters address using these tools and techniques with substance abuse, eating disorders, and sleep issues. Then chapters on dealing with difficult people, parenting, and dating/relationships are focused on. A chapter on emotional muscle and how athletes and performers succeed is the next to the last chapter. Finally, a closing chapter on trusting your brain and the use of neuroscience to better your life pulls all of the data together.
Dr. Helen McKibben is a long time practicing psychotherapist in the Washington DC area. She has pulled together 30+ years of research and data into just over 200 pages for a wider audience. It is well worth the read.

[AnnaMariah Nau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life-changing, powerful simplicity of how Dropping to a Blank Screen allows you to respond from your empowered self.

I would retitle this to something like Dropping into Your Authentic Self to Meet Life’s Challenges. Several of my life’s biggest struggles were clarified and unraveled in a way that makes sense, eliminating my confusion about why I freeze up in certain relationship interactions.
This book is easy to read and has limited jargon and explanation. Dr. McKibben uses concise explanations and easily relatable examples that cover multiple scenarios. Yet it brings a powerful light to show lifelong patterns for what they truly are and gives the reader the tools to empower themselves.

Dr. Helen’s description of self-esteem is groundbreaking, and I was patting myself on the back because I have a strong intuition, and decisions are seldom a struggle for me. Then, I got to Chapter 3 and the Critical Voice. The example of a sensitive, intuitive child constantly being told that her perceptions were wrong and that there was no tension in the room and everything was perfectly fine hit me hard. When I was three, I was taught repeatedly only to trust what someone told me, not what I felt or sensed. I didn’t accept what I was told. My heart knew that feelings were the most important way to understand what was true and real. Words lied. I lived with a lot of conflict and anger within me as I fought the untruths I was told to believe and persisted in acting on my sense of a situation when other people were involved.

Dr. McKibben covers subjects like Substance Abuse and the Addictive Voice, Disordered Eating, How our brain guides what we eat, and how Sleep uses dreams to resolve feelings.

My favorite chapters are External Disruptors; Dealing with Difficult People, and Dating in Neutral: How to Change Who You Attract. These chapters combined to shine a bright light on why I’ve drawn a specific type of difficult person to me in my seventy-plus years. The dating chapter isn’t just about dating but can apply to any friendship, work, or family relationship. The examples clarified how I’d allowed others to manipulate me so that I couldn’t find the words to explain to myself what was wrong with what they were saying or doing. My body felt the disruptions, but there was a subtlety in the patterns and my responses until Dr. Helen’s clear examples and role-playing laid it all out for me.

I've read countless books on dealing with difficult people, but none have shown the subtlety so clearly that I feel empowered to act in the moment from now on.

A lifelong puzzle unraveled, and I saw how even though I’m a strong woman, confident in myself, my intuition, and my decisions, I have frequently been stopped cold, unable to respond appropriately to stand up for myself, my needs and my worth in a way that took away the other person’s power to control or wound without being confrontational. Now, I have the words to understand the inner conflicts and a tool to use when disruptors are at work: drop to the blank screen and then respond from my authentic self, not the scared child. What a beautifully empowering book.

[Riley Caverly · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Drop: Making Great Decisions" is a revelation! Dr. Helen McKibben's expertise illuminates every page as she expertly guides readers on a transformative journey through the intricacies of their own minds. What sets this book apart is its accessibility—written in clear, concise language that ensures everyone, regardless of background or expertise, can grasp the profound insights within. With a perfect blend of neuroscience and practical techniques, Dr. McKibben empowers readers to conquer self-doubt, manage emotions, and make impactful choices with ease. Through relatable anecdotes and actionable advice, "Drop" becomes more than just a book; it's a trusted companion on the path to self-discovery and empowerment. If you're ready to unlock the full potential of your brain and live your best life, "Drop" is your indispensable guide. Trust me, you won't want to put it down!

[Tami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dropping to the blank screen is the integral exercise to getting the most out of Dr. Helen Mckibben's book, drop: Making great decisions - Use Neuroscience to Retrain Your Brain and Make Better Life Choices. Fortunately, the process is not terribly difficult, and is a useful skill for learning to make better choices in life.

The title may sound like a big promise, especially for such a small book. It's only 215 pages, many of which are verbatim dialogue of Doctor/patient interviews (with permissions and alias', of course). But, if you use the right words you only need a few.

I like how the book starts out by describing exactly what's expected of the reader in order to be able to make better decisions, and why Dr. Mckibben's methodology is an important approach to accomplishing that goal. What we learn righ away is that working through triggered feelings requires a physical as well as an emotional awareness!

The neutral position of the physical body is referred to as the “Blank Screen” in drop: Making great decisions... It is where the reader is instructed to “drop” to when triggered by an emotional event. Dr. McKibben has developed a method, utilizing this blank screen, whereby the person works through their triggered emotions, feels them through, and finds their reason. Dr. McKibben's methods for healing people with emotional triggers affecting their lives use the physical reality of neuroscience to re-train the brain for success in gaining permanent relief from the triggered feelings.

As Dr. Mckibben addresses in the book, getting the hang of dropping may take a few attempts. At first glance, I found it hard to imagine dropping to the blank screen any time in my day-day functions such as work, meetings, social gatherings, etc. I don't have a problem imagining myself calming down and thinking through tough situations, but at first glance I had a hard time imagining some of the scenarios given in the book where a person took the time to drop to the blank screen (putting body and mind in “neutral”) before finishing out a difficult, trigger-engaged, conversation. After a little more reading, I realized that dropping to the blank screen came quicker the more I practiced it, and at that point the scenarios in the book became more easily understood.

Self esteem is not simply whether you like yourself or not, but also whether or not you are able to make your own decisions about your life based on your own feelings, not the thoughts or wishes of someone else. Dr. Mckibben includes some good examples to demonstrate her definition of self-esteem. I found the definitions and examples of gaining self-esteem and on overcoming our own critical voices to be very enlightened. The book also had specific chapters on substance abuse, eating dysfunctions, sleep problems, dealing with difficult people, parenting, dating, and performance (athletic, acting, writing, musical). These were all written in an accessible tone for anyone who hopes to learn healthy self-esteem building habits that lead to making great decisions.

The final chapter doesn't simply leave the reader to wade in the newfound knowledge found in drop: Making great decisions... and it doesn't repeat what's already been written in the book. It further defines, clarifies, and unifies the premise that we should learn to trust our brain - a scientifically proven guide to making better life choices.

[Barbara Bamberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Drop: Making Great Decisions
Dr. Helen McKibben

Review by Barbara Bamberger Scott

D.C. area psychotherapist Dr. Helen McKibben has devised a highly pragmatic technique
that uses neuroscience to help with personal growth, addictive behaviors, and even falling
asleep faster.

McKibben stresses throughout this thought-invoking guide the need to handle difficult situations by what she has styled as “dropping to the blank screen” of one’s consciousness -allowing scope for one’s genuine feelings and goals to come to the surface. Her manual draws from the experiences of those she has met through her profession, revealing her neuroscientific explorations as she plays various roles with her clients.

She begins by showing different ways that children may be treated by their parents – encouraging them as intelligent, talented equals, or denigrating them as inferior. One counselor/client encounter concerns a man who successfully graduated from college with many positives on his record, yet still felt the sense of inferiority that had been engrained in early life. In their meetings, McKibben plays the role of someone attempting to encourage or discourage him and allows him to play the role of his better, stronger self or to express the failure-laden aspect of his personality. By taking on the various personas, he gradually becomes aware of her methodology, dropping mentally and emotionally to a blank, relaxed “place” as he overcomes his self-abnegating tendencies and rises to a firm state of strength and determination.

The situations covered in McKibben’s manual include such ordinary yet potentially damaging ones as, for women, gaining the strength to refuse sexual advances, or, for men, trying to establish intimacy at a distance through various means of contact, and for all, dealing with difficult personalities found in the workplace. In each scenario the reader will be encouraged to relax the body and open the mind. She asserts that once one learns to “drop” – to speak and act from the blank screen - one’s voice will become effective and persuasive, reflecting one’s deeper sense of conviction.

McKibben, a counselor and doctor of psychology, is a proponent of neuroscience, which allows her to impart to her clients and readers an interdisciplinary methodology that combines emotion, intellect, and personal desire and determination. Her deft staging of multiple roles in her consultation is perhaps the most fascinating aspect of this work, revealing her as someone who understands and can convey the problematic situations that her clients must face. This in turn opens the way for them to assume roles that provide greater insight into their challenges. This ability on McKibben’s part underpins the stance she hopes to inculcate in those who need her help, and will give her written words broad scope, opening opportunities for discussion, contemplation, and a fresh following.

[Ali Gmail · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm always interested in books that help you retrain your brain to break old habits. Drop offers exactly that, and much more.

The goal of the book is to teach you how to tap into your inner guide in order to make better decisions and improve your relationships. But perhaps what makes the book most unique from many others I've read is that it teaches you a skill to do this in real-time, which as we know can be a struggle when dealing with difficult individuals and/or when we're triggered by a conversation or event.

There are several reasons why I highly recommend this book. Here are just a few:

First, I like that the book is concise and to the point, with just enough information but not overwhelmingly thick. This is important to me because I am a busy parent and only have time to read briefly in the evenings before bed, and I knocked it out in just a few nights.

Second, I like that the book doesn't need to be read cover-to-cover. You begin by reading the first 4 chapters, which teach you the main concept and how to implement the "drop" strategy. After that, you can peruse the table of contents and skip around to whichever chapters suit you and your current life situations.

I will say, however, that I began like this, but wound up reading the other chapters anyway, even if they didn't apply to me (for example, the "dating" chapter). The reason is because the author gives wonderful information within each chapter that help the reader better understand and solidify the concept. So even if the situation doesn't apply, you will still learn neuroscience hacks which you could then apply to your own personal situations.

Lastly, I really liked how the author includes real life dialogue with her patients, role-playing with them while using the "drop" technique in their specific situations. This was so helpful as a reader to see the concept applied in real time.

I've already begun using the "drop" technique. It is so simple (so much so that I thought I must be missing something), yet so effective. I tend to be very indecisive and never really thought about why that is; I sort of always accepted it as a fixed personality trait. Reading this book has helped me realize that I do, in fact, know how to make decisions easily, that I do know what I want, and that I can trust my decisions. And she gave me the tools to quiet the noise enough for me to pull this off in my own life.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn a simple and effective way to improve their relationships, unlock their inner wisdom, and get back behind the wheel of their life.

[M.A. Chiappetta · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting, practical handbook for helping yourself pause and respond, rather than react, to life's challenges...

These days, it's common to hear people talking about using meditative and breathing techniques to calm ourselves and focus, so we can enjoy life better. But it's also common to wonder how to make use of those techniques in our daily life as we interact in the moment to what we're facing. Dr. Helen McKibben's book, Drop: Making Great Decisions, offers a nice bridge between the self-management tools we all need to work on our interior lives, and the outward-facing interactions we have with the external world. If you've been wanting a tool to help yourself get in touch with what works for you and shift away from what doesn't serve you, Drop is a book you should check out.

Dr. McKibben refers to her technique as "dropping to the blank screen" (hence the book's name), and in a nutshell, she's referring to how we can learn to disconnect from our triggers. Those triggered feelings and thoughts essentially cause us to replay an old script, which isn't helpful to us in the present moment. Instead, she reminds readers that we can reconnect to what is true for us, our authentic inner selves, letting go of the old script that's not helping us. This lets you wipe the screen blank, so to speak, so you can make your decision without strings attached to what triggered you.

The technique can obviously be applied to areas of life where it's important to disconnect those triggers - such as addiction recovery, substance abuse, etc. - but it's also helpful for the more general interactions we all deal with, like the critical voice inside our head, or disruptive people that we might have to interact with at work, family gatherings, and so on.

I particularly liked the chapter on redefining self-esteem, which Dr. McKibben explains as "the ability of a child or adult to listen to their first instinctual thought, feeling or idea and make decisions for themselves." It's not just about feeling good about yourself — it's about knowing who you are and living out your decisions based on your core true self. That is so freeing!

So, if you're looking for a new way to see yourself, reframe your decision-making process, and gain a tool that's practical, Drop is a great book to check out. It's an easy read, with practical examples so you can envision how you can use the technique in everyday situations.

[Christine Baleshta · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have struggled with second guessing yourself, procrastination, unsatisfying relationships, or depression and anxiety, Dr. Helen McKibben may be able to help you. In Drop: Making Great Decisions, Dr. McKibben describes her approach to help clients “feel before they think,“ restore self-esteem, and make better decisions. Dr. McKibben maintains that people have difficulty making good decisions because they don’t allow themselves to rid their minds of negative emotions. Instead, they ignore their feelings until those emotions become overwhelming; only when people allow themselves to feel before they think can they make good decisions.

Dr. McKibben states that this method, called “dropping to the blank screen,” or “drop”, is not another relaxation or meditation technique. Instead, what makes drop unique is that it “uses memory retrieval and decision-making to process emotions and convert them into responses based on high self-esteem and the ability to live a life free from persistent thoughts and stressors.”

The book begins with a detailed explanation about why dropping to the blank screen works and gives very specific instructions on how to practice this method, including “homework” exercises to prepare yourself for using drop. The following chapters describe how dropping to the blank screen has been used by Dr. McKibben’s clients in various situations, covering issues such as self-criticism, addiction, sleep problems, dealing with difficult people, parenting, dating, and athletic performance. Although you can skip around in the book and do not have to read every chapter, it would be a good idea to read a few different chapters to gain a better understanding of how drop has been used in real life by real people, and how it might work for you. It may also be helpful to return to the introduction and beginning chapters.

At a neat 215 pages, Drop: Making Great Decisions is a compact read and intended as a companion to an expanded audiobook by the same name. Dropping to the blank screen may not work for everyone; it will depend on whether you can identify with the any of the case studies presented, and if you are able to apply drop to your own personal life. If you have tried other methods without success, Drop: Making Great Decisions may be just what you’re looking for.

[Amys Bookshelf Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Helen McKibben talks about an interesting topic in Drop: Making Great Decisions

In Drop: Making Great Decisions, the reader is introduced to Dr. Helen McKibben, who also narrates her book. I haven't listened to anything from this author before, and I really enjoyed it. The audiobook was the perfect format for this type of information. Not only does the doctor share her expertise, and enters the world of neuroscience, and how you can retrain your brain, (note that not everyone can do that, especially if it's broken, and that's personal experience), but she also conducts interviews. The retraining of your brain in this instance is not about healing your brain, but making better choices and decisions, by thinking more before acting. It's an interesting self-help book, and the doctor seems to have a lot of experience. The narration could be a bit clearer in sections, but it was a good book to listen to. This book deserves both a read and a listen! I felt that the interviews were pre-planned, but they were also engaging in conversation. Drop: Making Great Decisions on audiobook is a definite listening recommendation by Amy's Bookshelf Reviews. I look forward to listening to many more titles by this author. Amy's Bookshelf Reviews recommends that anyone who listens to this book, to also write a review.

[Max · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook version. While informative it was extremely repetitive in the content. The chapters changed topics and it was very easy to transition the concepts the author had explained in different situations. Would not recommend.

[Sophia Kathrineliam · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a professional, this book helped me understand how emotional triggers affect leadership and communication. The neuroscience explanations made it even more powerful.
This is a valuable resource for anyone in high-pressure environments who needs clarity and emotional control.

[Sonya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting content but it is repetitive. I did enjoy the anecdotal stories and experiences from other people. This technique works really well and is a great way to increase behavioral flexibility.

[Kehinde · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me understand myself better than years of trying to “think positive.” It teaches you how to work with your brain, not against it.

[Taiwo Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

An eye-opening read. The connection between emotions and the brain is explained so simply. I’ve already recommended this book to friends and family.

[Flora Dickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful and refreshing approach to self-improvement. It feels scientific without being overwhelming, and inspiring without being unrealistic.

[Sophia · Rating 5 out of 5]

There’s a gentleness to this book that made me feel understood rather than judged. I felt seen while reading it, and I learned how to speak to myself with more compassion.
The method Dr. McKibben teaches feels like something anyone can learn, and it’s deeply empowering.

[Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not usually into self-help books, but this one felt very real and practical. It doesn’t feel preachy or unrealistic.
The exercises are simple and don’t take hours. I’ve already noticed I’m more aware of my emotional triggers and less reactive. I highly recommend this to anyone who wants real, usable change.

[Fiona · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book sparked incredible conversations in our group. The questions it raises about emotional habits, relationships, and personal responsibility are powerful.
What stood out is how actionable the advice is, it’s not theoretical, it’s practical. We all walked away with something valuable.