The Temperament God Gave You: The Classic Key to Knowing Yourself, Getting Along with Others, and Growing Closer to the Lord

by Art Bennett

Unlock the secret of your personality and learn how to be a better spouse, parent, friend, & Christian!All of us are born with distinct personality traits. Some of us live for crowds and parties; others seek solitude and time for quiet reflection. Some of us are naturally pushy, while others are content just to get along. We don't pick and choose these traits; they're just part of the way we're made.For in the womb God doesn't merely mold our body; He also gives us the temperament that, all our days, colors our understanding, guides our choices, and serves as the foundation of our moral and spiritual life.Ancient philosophers identified four basic temperaments, and over the centuries, countless wise souls have used these four to understand human nature. Now comes The Temperament God Gave You, the first Catholic book on the subject in 70 years. Here veteran Catholic counselor Art Bennett and his wife Laraine provide an accessible synthesis of classical wisdom, modern counseling science, and Catholic a rich understanding of the temperaments and what they mean for you and for your family.Drawing on decades of study, prayer, and practical experience, Art and Laraine show you how to identify your own temperament and use it to become what God is calling you to a loving spouse, an effective parent, and a good friend. Best of all, they give you a Catholic understanding of the four temperaments that will bring you closer to God and help you discover the path to holiness that's right for you.Peace. Happiness. Holiness. You'll find yourself growing in each of these qualities as you come to understand . and learn to use as you should . the temperament God gave you.

Genres: Nonfiction, Catholic, Self Help, Faith, Psychology, Religion, Spirituality

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 15, 2005

Reviews

[J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be helpful, prior to my coming back to the Catholic Faith I was trying really hard to know who I was, I tried the Enneagram and trans-personal psychological methods to figure out who I was, I went to assessment tests grounded in Jungian Psychology too, only to still feel like as if something was missing. It was only after finding out that the MTBI 16-Types can be reduced to the 4 Classical Temperaments that I really considered getting this book. When I opened this book, I had this sense of clarity about who I was and where I was going that I never had before.

This book makes a great primer to understand each of the 4 Temperaments and from there to know what the strengths and weaknesses are that each temperament has only then to know how best to address each temperaments. It also helps to know how to interact with other people, including children of the particular temperaments too. This book gives a balance between the psychological and theological so as to understand how God's Grace and the Sacramental and Interior Life of the Church Tradition can help better form each temperament so that they arrive at the full stature they were intended to become.

[Colleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books EVER. It really helped me learn about myself, as well as my friends, my enemies (it helped me understand them), my spouse and my children (very important to me.) My book club read this book and it was a VERY lively discussion, to say the least. If you wish to know yourself, read this book and C.S. Lewis's book, The Screwtape Letters. !!! CC

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

SO AWESOME! I can't believe how much understanding there is of people's temperaments. This book is not about personality but about our natural reactions to stimuli. How cool! PLEASE READ THIS BOOK if you have ever been interested in getting to know yourself better. It also has great information about the best ways to treat and interact with people of other temperaments in all types of relationship situations. The Temperament God Gave you is really a diamond in the rough.

[Regina Doman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to any writer interested in learning how to build characters. It gives fascinating insights into how other people think.

As well as learning to understand yourself: I learned a lot!

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was recommended this book by a therapist. I was honestly a bit skeptical at first, because - especially as someone with an advanced degree in psychology (have a Masters, going for a PhD), I am often frustrated by the sheer amount of weight popular culture and popular writers put on other “personality tests” - everything from the Myers-Briggs test to astrological signs. The authors of the book are more nuanced in their claims, though, making clear multiple times that everyone has elements of all the temperaments and that temperaments don’t control or determine everything in your life. Most of their insights and advice seem very sound, especially on spiritual subjects, but they also don’t oversell anything or claim that knowing your own temperament (I’m a melancholic-phlegmatic — no surprise there) or anyone else’s will allow you to magically fix all of your problems, like lots of pop-psych authors on similar topics do. The book was also fairly repetitive. I’m not expecting any kind of dramatic life change, but I think gaining the knowledge and understanding in this book was worthwhile.

[Erik · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes, four temperaments is a bit of a gross classification, but just like birth order, these classifications can help one to understand and empathize with others. This book carefully delineated the characteristics of the four temperaments, making it more practical that other books that talk about profiles in vague terms. There were many "ah-ha" moments for me while reading this book when I recognized myself or Wendy in the descriptions. These moments were confirmed when the evaluation questionnaire provided at the end put me squarely in the temperament and secondary temperament I had surmised earlier.

After describing the characteristics of people with the four temperaments, this book went the next step and discussed how a person of each temperament could best interact with (1) others, (2) your spouse, in particular, and (3) children with each of the four temperaments. It then discussed how each temperament affects spiritually, so one can avoid common pitfalls and use one's talents to grow.

[Missy LeBlanc Ivey · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun book to read! I have 3 grown married kids and 10 grandies and was focused the whole time on finding out if I could place them in one of the four temperaments listed below. I definitely found myself: Melancholy, and I found my husband...Choleric. They were 100% spot on!

Although this book was written by Catholics, and they say for Catholics, it's really about the four basic temperaments which we ALL have...not just Catholics. There is very little mentioned about the Catholic religion, mostly in the last chapter. All verses referenced are from the Holy Bible that you and I read. I am not Catholic and I thoroughly enjoyed finding out that my weird quirks are real and normal...for melancholics...and were instilled in me at birth.

Temperament is something you are born with and is separate from your personality (or your character), which is a product of your environment. You aren't completely locked into your temperament. It can be changed and reshaped over the years. You can strenghthen your weaknesses if you know where they are. Understanding your own temperament, and your spouses and your children and grandchildren...and accepting it...will help you communicate better with them. That's what this book is all about.

These four temperaments are used today by psychologists, educators and spiritual writers to categorize people. You can find other books on temperaments if you are thrown off by the word Catholic...but this is a good one. Here are the four temperaments and a brief description:

1. Choleric - passionate, quick to anger, make his opinions known, have a difficult time taking orders, leaders doing things their own way, can be overtly controlling, outspoken, argumentative, everyone else is less intelligent

2. Melancholy - 🙋🏻‍♀️ unhappiness, sad, quiet, inclined to solitude, doleful, guardian, caretaker, expresses opinions but seems cold, impersonal and demanding by others, logical and analytical, can appear snobby or standoffish at parties at first needing time to process, value principles and truth over feelings and sentiments, not much of a friend nurturing person, making decisions can be overwhelming, need clarity in any given situation or decision, are leaders because they do things their own way, have a difficult time taking orders, can be quietly controlling behind the scenes, makes critical judgements internally noting imperfections in themselves and others

3. Sanguine - social, confident, hopeful, eager, optimistic, artistic, seeks other's opinions, usually disorganized and messy

4. Phlegmatic - calm, unemotional, logical investigator, self-effacing when expressing himself to avoid conflict or fear of being hurt, attuned to his feelings and of others can appear snobby or standoffish at parties at first (need time to feel comfortable), will retreat in solitude to video games and such

One other distinction to consider when finding your temperament is whether you are:

1. Extravert - choleric & sanguine (focused on and comfortable with people and events, look externally for value, talk more than listen, repeat their points, speaks before he even knows what he thinks about the topic in hopes that his thoughts will become clear to himself as well as to others the longer he rattles on...HAHA...THIS IS MY HUSBAND!! He is Choleric.)

2. Introvert - melancholic & phlegmatic (focused and more comfortable with his interior world of thoughts and emotions, reflective, less warm, needs time to process information, can be the life of the party but will find it emotionally draining, find it hard to express themselves, intense inner life internalizing conflict and rehearse dialogues inside your head, can appear snobby or standoffish at parties at first needing time to feel comfortable or to process)

The book has so much more for you to learn about yourself and your family members. I would definitely recommend reading it. See, your spouse is not annoying for no reason; they were born that way...haha!

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the only self-help/personality book worth reading

[Veronica Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

If this book doesn't make you a better spouse, sister/brother, son/daughter, parent, friend, coworker, and follower of Christ, it'll at least make you much less confused about why people are the way they are. Gives great insight into the psychology and spirituality of each temperament, including how/why each thrives and dwindles. I tend to agonize over my flaws but this book made me more forgiving of them and at the same time doubly empowered to counter them (typical sanguine-phlegmatic). The book as a whole highlights the complementarity and necessity of all the crazy people in our lives. Embrace em!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

When trying to figure how what's getting in the way of moving forward in the spiritual life, this book was suggested to me. It's a great introduction into how our temperaments can help and hinder our path towards holiness. Highly recommend to anyone wanting to dive deeper into why you do certain things a certain way.

[Marta Lopes Cardoso · Rating 5 out of 5]

Um livro óptimo para conhecer cada temperamento e, assim, crescer no Co hecimento próprio e dos outros. No fim, ainda podemos navegar pelo crescimento espiritual tendo em conta as fraquezas e virtudes do nosso próprio temperamento.

[Christine Bengle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked what I read. It helps to understand a little more of my own feelings and also to help understand that other people with other temperments sometimes see things differently I quickly read the chapter about what works best in the spiritual life too and faults to work on. I had to return because it was a library book so I didn't finish. Hope to reread and finish in the future. Just received an e mail from Matthew Leonard Science of Sainthood and he is going to be doing a series on the spiritual temperments. I am looking forward to listening and learning more.

[Evelyn Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ignore the cringy early 2000’s cover, this book has sound theology and an incredibly helpful framework for understanding and motivating yourself and others. Also shoutout to my husband who everyday for the past three weeks has come home to, “Do you want to hear what I read in the temperaments book today?”. Definitely recommend.

[LeAnna · Rating 2 out of 5]

The authors’ book on parenting a choleric child was quite perceptive, but this volume falls short in a couple of areas:

First, the section on spouses is too heavy with gender stereotypes. The man works in an office and does yard work and fixes things! The woman is responsible for keeping the home tidy and getting dinner on the table! Relating marriage struggles through this narrow lens when discussing how temperaments may affect the spouse’s ability to meet these tasks is, I suspect, short sighted and ill advised.

Second, the authors frequently fall back on a narrow range of shallow anecdotes to illustrate ideas throughout. Thus if you’re reading this book in the hopes of seeing yourself or your family, you need to be part of a very narrow segment of society to find it mirrored in the examples.

Third, it would be useful to reorder the book chapters and look first at the metric to determine temperament and then look at the temperament combinations before reading the rest (the last should become first), particularly given the issues in my second point.

The sections on the spiritual life are quite good and worth perusing, and there are various bits of perception throughout, but overall it is a book to skim for occasional wisdom and not one I would be comfortable recommending in full.

[Mina Lobo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard this book praised on various Catholic podcasts and looked forward to loving it. And I've really tried to--have gone back over various sections multiple times to glean as much good from it as possible. Unfortunately, while it does offer a few helpful insights, it only just skims the surface and ultimately does not satisfy.

First, the premise of the title isn't quite backed up by the layout of chapters: this book means to explore the four temperaments as "The Classic Key to Knowing Yourself, Getting Along with Others, and Growing Closer to the Lord." It begins with a brief look at each temperament but by p. 47 is already encouraging the reader to "Understand Your Spouse's Temperament*" (*more on this to come). At this point in the book, the reader hasn't learned enough to fully understand her OWN temperament (or even know what that might be!). The quiz* provided, for readers to determine their own temperaments, lies at the BACK of the book (*more on the quiz to come, as well). So if a reader goes in the order of the book's layout, she won't even know her own probable temperament, which seems, to me, to make Chapters 5 ("Temperament Combinations in Marriage"), 7 ("Parenting and Parent/Child Combinations"), and 8 ("How to Motivate Yourself and Others") a bit of a "cart before the horse" situation.

The book spends a LOT of time examining the temperaments of spouses and (presumably school-aged) children, with an eye to helping the reader better understand and improve these relationships. Fair enough. However, the book seems to forget (as other Catholic books and podcasts do) that, while the Church is universal, every Catholic's lived experience is not. There are *many* single or widowed Catholics, who've either never had children or are empty-nesters--what of these? Over 100 pages in this 265-page book do not apply to them (over a third of the book!). Other areas of life aren't ever touched--relationships with siblings, friends, bosses, and colleagues for example. What about exploring how the strengths of our temperaments can benefit us, and the weaknesses be minimized or transformed, in the workplace and/or in business dealings?

About the quiz--what the reader does is select, out of 232 options, the ones she considers most habitual in/of herself. As I was going through the scoring guide I saw that one of my selected options (#229) does not seem to fall under any of the four temperaments and thus...didn't count? Granted, my eyes aren't what they used to be but I checked multiple times and still, no #229 in any of the four possible categories. This makes me question how much this particular quiz can be relied upon. I wound up hunting for temperament quizzes online (which game me somewhat different, and more relatable, results).

To its credit, the book does well with noting the good, the bad, and the ugly of each temperament--I learned some things about myself I hadn't realized but, soon as I saw them, knew them to be true. And some of the tips on motivating the temperaments were helpful, but they don't go very deep, and the suggestions for growing in one's faith life merely scratch the surface--more concrete advice and solutions are needed to fulfill the promises in the title. (Meanwhile, the authors have produced additional books on the temperaments of one's spouses and kids, as well as on "The Emotions God Gave You"--which somewhat intrigues but I fear further disappointment).

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

The cover design doesn't make you want to read it, but if you are Christian and interested in why you are the way you are, definitely give it a read.
To someone who is intensely interested in the Myers-Briggs type indicator and the enneagram, as I am, this book is quite valuable. It's not about fitting people into slots or simply categorizing ourselves and others. For one thing, nobody fits entirely into any one category; we're all unique blends of factors and tendencies. For another, this kind of understanding between individuals can't help but harmonize our relationships and bring us together.
A choleric parent can come off as a boot camp instructor when all they really want is for great and dynamic things to happen to their kids. A phlegmatic friend can be seen as lazy or unassertive when all they really want is for everyone to chill out, have fun, and get along.
Being open and honest about one's own foibles and drives, in combination with reading Art & Laraine Bennett's book, can lead to great satisfaction and a clearer understanding of human interaction. This book has the added benefit of being directed toward those with a religious-Christian point of view, bringing in vocation and prayer to an otherwise potentially dry and scientific subject. A great resource!

[Crizzle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Spriggles and I mirror each other's personalities! I am a sanguine-phlegmatic, and he is a phlegmatic-sanguine (aka the best two types;). And everyone always wondered how we even got together, since we seem so different! We both just like friends and fun!

It was fun reading the synopses of the different types and seeing friends and family as these personality types. Molly is a choloric, of course. Different sections showed you how children behave as each of the four personalities, how to best motivate them, your personality strengths and weaknesses in the different parenting/child personality combos and spousal combinations.

[Jara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm finished with The Temperament God Gave: Excellent descriptions of the 4 temperaments and how each relates to God, self, and others.

The only issue I have is that the authors dismiss the melancholic-sanguine and choleric-phlegmatic combinations as "impossible" in an "emotionally healthy individual" even after quoting that "Grace builds upon nature."

With God, all things are possible! I am melancholic-sanguine and, ironically, so is this book's editor.

[Clare D' Lune · Rating 5 out of 5]

AHHHH!!!! My mom and her book club read this book, and now I want to know (At least a year later) WILL WE EVER HEAR THE END TO IT?!?!?!?

haha Now EVERYONE has been put into a catigory. It's actually pretty funny and fun! Everyones picking what they think they are, and they also have a test thing in the back to do, if you aren't sure about your temperment....

[Eileen W · Rating 4 out of 5]

A small group of us read this after Walking With Purpose ended. It was very interesting. You find yourself analyzing the personality type of yourself and those close to you. Not sure I'll remember all the ways to relate and motivate the different personality combinations, but I'll save it to reference.

[Annabellissima · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cool book about personalities, temperaments, and how each person can relate to others depending on their temperament. From a Catholic perspective. Very nice. Covers marriage, children, etc. I enjoyed it a lot.

[Gwen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't have much farther to go on this one. Lots of great insights into behavior and motivations of family and friends. Our onetime book discussion group had a great time talking about this and even looking at our own temperaments.

[Mary Holland · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am full of melancholy and phlegm, which is good to know. Not as helpful as I thought it would be, but a good jumping off point.

[Regan Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

really interesting, a lot like Myers Briggs analysis, and I found most of the analysis to be pretty accurate. Better to read if married w/ kids.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book to help one reflect on their strengths and weaknesses and relationships with spouse and children.

[Jairo Fraga · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neste livro muito bom, sobre os 4 temperamentos, os autores trazem de uma forma agradável o assunto, com vários exemplos de cada temperamento.

Tem dicas úteis para conviver com cônjuges de todos os temperamentos, e também mostra diversas combinações de temperamentos entre pais e filhos.

Tem uma seção interessante de como motivar pessoas de diferentes temperamentos, quais seus pontos fortes e fracos, onde focar para crescer espiritualmente.

No final, um questionário bem extenso, mas repetitivo, para tentar identificar seu temperamento. O meu deu "melancólico-fleumático".

Alguns conselhos aqui foram realmente bons e descreveu com precisão diversas situações que acontecem no cotidiano no relacionamento de pessoas com temperamentos distintos. Recomendo muito o livro.

Tempo estimado de leitura: 5h

[Jess Schurz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cheers to the Catholic enneagram! I liked this.

[Hanna Richter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Temperaments are the number one thing that's helped me understand myself and others. This book was insightful and practical, with Catholic teaching meeting our human nature. The chapters on different spousal pairings and parent/child combos were on point and I will be referencing them in the future when kid(s) are older.

[Gracie Muraski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this, learned a lot about myself and others, am a LITTLE frustrated that they think a sanguine melancholic can’t healthily exist lol especially since that’s what I came up as even based off their test lol but I guess that just means I’m DIVERGENT

[Madyson Hamling · Rating 5 out of 5]

“This makes sense”