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The Courage to Be Happy: Discover the Power of Positive Psychology and Choose Happiness Every Day
304 pages, Paperback
Published May 7, 2024
218 people are currently reading
2234 people want to read
About the author
Ichiro Kishimi
75 books1,007 followersIchiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.
M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University.
He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.
M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University.
He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 87 reviews
September 14, 2025
As a huge fan of “The Courage to Be Disliked,” which I found life-changing, I was super excited to read the follow-up, “The Courage to Be Happy.” I thought it would give me even more insights into Adlerian psychology. While some of the conversations were really thought-provoking and moving, the discussions between the youth and the philosopher felt a bit too drawn out this time. They were mostly about education, the relationship between a teacher and student, and their back-and-forth felt a bit forced.
The first book really hit the nail on the head, and it was an eye-opening read that I couldn’t put down. This time, the arguments didn’t feel as real, and the conflict was over-the-top with their bickering.
That’s not to say the entire book is a waste of time or a bad read. It just needed more authenticity, more ideas, and a better sense of direction. I’m glad I read it and own it, but I wanted to be as enthralled and engaged as I was the first time around. Instead, I liked it, found it interesting, but the sense of connection and awe I felt the first time around wasn’t there consistently enough. The book is hit or miss. When it hits, it’s solid. When it misses, it just reminded me of how much I loved the first book and wished this book followed similarly to its predecessor.
The first book really hit the nail on the head, and it was an eye-opening read that I couldn’t put down. This time, the arguments didn’t feel as real, and the conflict was over-the-top with their bickering.
That’s not to say the entire book is a waste of time or a bad read. It just needed more authenticity, more ideas, and a better sense of direction. I’m glad I read it and own it, but I wanted to be as enthralled and engaged as I was the first time around. Instead, I liked it, found it interesting, but the sense of connection and awe I felt the first time around wasn’t there consistently enough. The book is hit or miss. When it hits, it’s solid. When it misses, it just reminded me of how much I loved the first book and wished this book followed similarly to its predecessor.
September 19, 2024
I appreciated the Socratic conversation style of the book. I listened to the audiobook but I think this is a time reading the print might have been more comfortable for me. I like the Adlerian worldview.
May 31, 2025
While I was deeply touched by the Adlerian concepts explored in the first book, 'The Courage to Be Disliked,' its sequel, 'The Courage to Be Happy,' unfortunately didn't resonate with me on the same level. Having been so moved by the initial volume, I picked this one up immediately, but found it to be a significantly different reading experience.
The authors present this book as a workbook for practicing the philosophy of living introduced in the first book. However, a substantial portion is dedicated to the role of educators, which I personally found rather tedious. Additionally, the dialogue between the philosopher and the youth, a key element of the first book, felt extremely one-sided here. Instead of an engaging exchange of ideas, the youth primarily resorts to insults, making his responses uninteresting and ultimately skippable.
Overall, if you loved 'The Courage to Be Disliked,' I would still recommend reading this follow-up to continue exploring the concepts. However, it's crucial to lower your expectations significantly. While it might offer some insights into applying Adlerian thought, it lacks the engaging and thought-provoking nature that made the first book such a compelling read. It's more of a supplementary volume than a truly captivating experience in its own right.
The authors present this book as a workbook for practicing the philosophy of living introduced in the first book. However, a substantial portion is dedicated to the role of educators, which I personally found rather tedious. Additionally, the dialogue between the philosopher and the youth, a key element of the first book, felt extremely one-sided here. Instead of an engaging exchange of ideas, the youth primarily resorts to insults, making his responses uninteresting and ultimately skippable.
Overall, if you loved 'The Courage to Be Disliked,' I would still recommend reading this follow-up to continue exploring the concepts. However, it's crucial to lower your expectations significantly. While it might offer some insights into applying Adlerian thought, it lacks the engaging and thought-provoking nature that made the first book such a compelling read. It's more of a supplementary volume than a truly captivating experience in its own right.
January 16, 2025
Insightful….. love, self reliance and choose life….
“
Place value on the ‘person being that person’ without pushing your own value system on them. And further, assist in their growth or unfolding. That is precisely what respect is. In the attitude of trying to manipulate or correct another person, there is no respect whatsoever”
“
Place value on the ‘person being that person’ without pushing your own value system on them. And further, assist in their growth or unfolding. That is precisely what respect is. In the attitude of trying to manipulate or correct another person, there is no respect whatsoever”
February 14, 2025
This book deepened my understanding of previous books The Courage To Be Disliked, to be self-reliance and harmony with society. The most interesting part of this book that how love can help us be liberated from self-centredness.
November 20, 2025
Read at some point in 2025, can’t remeber the dates. Was a great sequel to the courage to be disliked and expanded on the the ideas in a digestible way. Much like the first book, the dialogue was cringe at times, however the message was powerful enough to cut through the theatrics. Worth revisiting in future
April 19, 2025
still not a fan of the dialog even though there is good info
April 30, 2025
The book starts off building on the concept of respect and how it is important to have to respect to have social value, to really empathize and see things through someone else’s perspective. When you just can’t understand why someone doesn’t do things the way you do, really mentally put yourself in their shoes and see the world from their view. Many people want to improve their lives but they won't because they don't actually want to change. Because change to a process is a form of death. We can’t hold on to the trauma of the past nor falsely console people in it because it just enables them to want more of that next time. Look for the positives in the past traumas like who was there to help you for example. Instead look at your problems as “what now” and how to fix them instead of dwelling on them. There is no respect in communication with anger and violence. Reprimanding does not lead to improvement . Anger is an immature emotion. Remember the serenity prayer and then focus on what you actually can do. Kant declare that it is not that we lack ability but that we don't have enough courage to get past our juvenile condition when it comes to self improvement. Kant says it is easier to put responsibility on someone or something else and use it as a scapegoat. This concept is why people fail to realize that in a vertical relationship when you try to control people there is no respect. You force your way onto them instead of letting them to be adventurous and learn from their own path. When we praise in a vertical relationship to those downwards it creates a system where we are like a dictator and they are trying to get our favour to benefit, and then they get competitive with each other and start to see each other as enemies. Cooperation is key to creating a system that progresses. Me must really embrace being ourselves, accepting that we are just ordinary and normal and not look for recognition from others for certain special traits. If we try to be the saviour or educator of other people, it is a sign that we are unhappy with ourselves and need to be saved ourselves. We must stop and focus on finding our own happiness. We must base our relationships on true friendship. Everyone’s job matters because we all contribute to the division of labour in society. Your worth is not based on your job title but rather the attitude in which you contribute to your work with. You must have the courage to believe in people and you will become comrades. When you believe in someone you will get through to them. But like the Gospel of Luke says, you must love thy neighbor as yourself. So first you must believe in yourself. When you’re glad you broke up with someone, you are not yet happy with yourself. If you want widespread love, you must first love what is in front of you. To build a healthy love relationship, both parties must focus on building the happy “us”. When we can accept that we no longer need to be babied for our weakness to get what we want and become less self centered that is when we reach true self reliance, learning to fit in with community feeling. Love is self reliance. It is to become an adult, which is why love is difficult. the only way to get out from the trap of wanting to be loved is to love ourselves and start starts by showing love to other people. You must love someone and not wait to be loved. Separation of tasks: it is their task to choose if they love you back. You create your own destiny, you are not controlled by destiny. You dance towards the direction that you will go. Only by loving another person we are liberated from self centeredness, achieving self reliance, and arriving at community feeling: being happy.
October 16, 2024
Honestly so boring. Put me in a reading slump and I was dragging on to finish.
May 17, 2025
Very good continuation of what was started in The Courage to be Disliked. Many deep insights and wise advice for leading a happy life.
January 26, 2026
After reading this book many times over the past 1 year and listening to the audiobook about 2 times. I decided that I want to give a comprehensive review of the key insights I gleaned from the audio and the text.
* = Side notes
The Courage to Be Happy might be better understood with some context from its afterword.
This book is the sequel to The Courage to Be Disliked (2013).
Kishimi, Japan’s foremost specialist in Adlerian psychology states,
“if Socrates and Plato were alive today, they might have chosen the path of psychology, instead of that philosophy.“
This exchange between Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga serves as the launchpad for the sequel.
The authors goal is to make Adler’s ideas commonplace—accessible tools for everyday life.
In that way The Courage To Be Happy serves as the compass to the map, The Courage to Be Disliked.(p. XIII)
Introduction
The story begins with another dialogue over the course of a couple hours distilled into 276 pages between the Youth from 3 years ago and the Outsider Philosopher. The Youth returns with frustration and disappointment from his career as an educator. The Philosopher responds with a difficult reply: the Youth has yet to learn how to love. As it says on page XXIII,
“The love Adler speaks of is the hardest and most courage-testing task of all.”
Part I, “That Bad Person and Poor Me,”
Part I lays the foundation for the rest of the discussion.
The Philosopher begins by contrasting religion, philosophy, and science
Which are to answer the 3 questions
1. Where do we come from?
2. Where are we?
3. And how should we live?
Defining each one as such:
- Religion as a means of explaining the world through stories; where God(s) are the protagonists. Religion may convey “all” under the name of God. Like The Bible, Quran, Bhagavad Gita.
- Philosophy rejects stories and uses concepts & abstractions like “ÆSOPS Fables”. In the original Greek, philosophia simply means “love of wisdom.” Therefore philosophy is “the study of the love of wisdom“ and philosophers are “lovers of wisdom.”
As Kant puts it “we cannot learn philosophy. We can only learn to philosophize.” Kind of saying that philosophy isn’t solely an undertaking it’s a practice.
- Science is derived from the Latin word “scientia” simply meaning “knowledge.”
*Science limits itself to objective fact finding while philosophy and religion deal with the human ideas of Truth, Good and Beauty.
*In ancient Greece, there was no division between philosophy and science
From there, the book introduces its 3 central themes of
Love, Self-Reliance, and Happiness.
Self-reliance, which is said to be the goal of education (Pg.16), is said to start with understanding “human knowledge” which answers the questions
- How to live with one another.
- How to know oneself.
- How to locate one’s place in community.
These things are grounded in the 2 behavioral objectives of
1. Becoming self-reliant
2. Living in harmony with society.
The 2 psychological objectives to support these behaviors
1. The consciousness that “I have ability”
2. The consciousness that “other people are my comrades.”
Respect, stated by the philosopher as the cornerstone of all interpersonal relationships, is the next point of the discussion. As the Philospher states on Pg.23
“Respect denotes the ability to see another person as [they are];to be aware of [their] unique individuality.” More so, “Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as [they are].” — Erich Fromm
*Most importantly, the Latin respicio, which is the root of “respect,“ has the connotation of “seeing.“
Social feeling or the feeling of community
AKA Gemeinschaftsgefühl is described as seeing with another’s eye, hearing with another’s ear, and feeling with another’s heart all of which ties and relates to empathy which means to have concern for other people‘s concerns.
Part I closes with a bold claim by the Philosopher that “human beings can determine themselves at any time.” on Pg. 44. Claiming “the past”, as it’s called, simply doesn’t exist rather, it is a skillful compilation of memories compiled by this “me” in alignment with some present goal and every memory running counter to the present goal is erased; this invented“past“ is colored and reinterpreted through the lens of the present. As the Philosopher puts it,
“The past does not decide now. It is your now that decides the past.” (Pg.49-50)
Leaving the reader with a 3-sided triangular column, representing our psyche, on Pg.57, that reads
1. “That bad person”
2. “Poor me”
3. “What should one do from now on?”
Part II — Why Negate Reward and Punishment?
This part starts off by defining democracy, the Democratic process and “national sovereignty”. The principal of national sovereignty is that “sovereign power rests with the people.“ That way any nation, corporation, family or organization isn’t under the rule of an authoritarian that creates a “my rules“. It’s a mutual consensus from a body of people, the people, that create “our rules“.
The next step is the proposed alternative to “reward & punishment” education as the Philosopher states on Pg. 71
“What is needed of us adults is not to reprimand, but to teach. With words of reason, and without getting emotional or raising our voices.“
On Pg.97 The Philosopher and the Youth
Start discussing, communication theory, which the Philosopher says
“The final objective is the establishment of consensus.”
The point of communication is to establish consensus, but seeing that language-based communication takes a while the people who are tired of communicating & wanna push through with [their] demands resort to violence, which includes
“Raising one’s voice, slapping one’s hand on the table or shedding tears.“
The Philosopher, then provides the Serenity prayer as an alternative alongside renouncing the standpoint of “being the judge”, negating reprimand/rebuking and not relying on anger and violence, this way, looking again at the 3-sided triangular column, the one representing the psyche, we can truly focus on “the things we can change now.”
The Serenity Prayer
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.“
The philosopher then makes another bold claim to end this part, “one can choose one’s own life.“
Part III — “From the Principle of Competition to the Principle of Cooperation”
On Pg. 120 the Philosopher says
“Here is the problem: in that community, where people gather with the goal of being praised, “competition” emerges.”
This is to say that praise gives rise to competition.
The alternative to the principle of competition that the philosopher states on page 125 is the principle of cooperation alongside the establishment of horizontal relationships based on the
“Psychology of Democracy”
Going on to say…
“All people are equal, regardless of scholastic, achievement or work performance, and it is in the very active cooperating with others that building community has meaning.”
The Philosopher, then states some noteworthy facts about being human beings & human society.
“The human being is probably the only living thing with a body that takes longer to grow than the mind” on Page 129.
Then on page 130 the Philosopher says that
“Civilization is a product of the need to compensate for the biological weakness of the human being further stating that the history of the human race is the history of it. It’s triumph thing over its inferiority“.
Furthermore the Philosopher says,
“It is due to that weakness that we, humans, create communities and live in relationships of cooperation. Making a profound point that all people have community feeling deep inside them. It’s a thing deeply tied/linked to human identity.”
“Community feeling is not some head in the clouds ideal. It is a fundamental principle of life that resides within us humans.”
The Philosopher is essentially saying “Dig up your own community feeling and seek connection with other people.“
Another fundamental need as stated on page 135 for human being is “the sense of belonging.“ the real feeling that “it’s OK to be here.“
The philosopher then makes another bold claim on page 138 stating that individuality is not relative it is absolute furthermore, placing worth on “being ourselves” and “being normal” is an aspect of individuality.
Part IV — “Give, and It Shall be Given Unto You”
The Philosopher then starts off Part IV with another bold claim namely, if
“All problems are interpersonal relationship problems“
then,
“All joy is interpersonal relationship joy.“
Page 160
The task of friendship is that of community feeling which also relates to empathy that means
“Seeing with another’s eyes, listening with another’s ears and feeling with another heart“
Confidence, in a word, is focusing on human worth believing in a person
At this point, the philosopher defines the three types of relationships that are portrayed and defined by their depth and distance
1. Work
2. Friendship
3. Love
Work
Work is as simple as “working to eat.”
We, human beings, divide up labor to make up or compensate for our physical weaknesses. It’s a survival strategy.
Adam Smith pointed this out from an economic standpoint, but Adler looked at this division of labor from the standpoint of psychology.
In conclusion Adler states,
“The answer that is logical, and in the court of common sense is that we should work, cooperate, and contribute.”
The Philosopher wraps up the task of work by saying
“All work is something that has to be done by someone in the community”
Prime Minister, business owner, factory worker, housewife/househusband, all professions are honorable.
Friendship
Simply put, friendship is whenever someone feels at ease around another and feels that [they] can talk frankly about anything.
*It takes belief in people to practice friendship.
The Philosopher, then points to Christianity and Buddhism
“It is because they contain uniforms that they have not been done away with and still survive today.”
Then the philosopher makes mention of the gospel of Luke,
“Love thy neighbor as thyself”
Luke 10:37
The Philosopher then gives us a little background on Adler’s history
“When World War I began, Adler who was spoken to at the time, was conscription as a medical officer and served in the department of neurology and psychology at a military hospital. His job is a medical officer was one and one only: to provide treatment to the soldiers in his care, to return them to the front lines as soon as possible.“
Freud view post aftermath of World War I is the“death drive” basically meaning a destructive impulse with regard to life
Adler on the other hand who experienced the same war proposed “community feeling.”
The philosopher then goes on to share this quote by Mother Theresa when she was asked “What can one do to promote world peace?” to which she replied.
“Go home and love your family.”
— Mother Theresa
The goal being that the day-to-day the accumulation of confidence, no matter how small, will someday get rid of even any international conflict.
The Philosopher says
“For us, it is our “nothing days“ that are our trial, and it is every day life “here and now “that the big decisions must be made“
Ending Part IV with this
“Before arguing over the state of the world, have some thought for your neighbor. Have some thought for your interpersonal relationships on “nothing days.“ That is all we can do.
And another quote from the gospel referencing Matthew 7:7 while alluding to Luke 6:38
“Ask and you will recieve…”
Matthew 7:7
“Give and it shall be given onto you…”
Luke 6:38
& this
“There is no task that is stricter or more difficult, or more testing of courage, then the love that Adler speaks of. In short, the stairway to understanding Adler can only be found by embarking on love”
Part V — “Choose a Life You Love”
Part V starts off with a discussion of love where the philosopher names the different forms of love
“Divine love”
Divine love is that kind of godly love
Lofty love
The love where the other person is cast as a deity. I love that is unforgiving of defilement.
Animal love
This is the love of succumbing to one’s sexual drive.
Biological love
This is the love with intentions of transmitting one’s genes to a new generation.
Romantic love
This is the love that people “fall into”.
Described as an uncontrollable impulse. Like Romeo and Juliet.
Human love
Human love is about an inextricably involved. “me” it is something that we build, and it is because we build it from nothing but nothing but our strength of well at the task of love is difficult.
The philosopher equates “falling for someone“ to be the same as desiring or wanting material things.
The book then makes mention of
“The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm kind of reframing the conventional view of Love as an art.
The philosopher then says
“Adler says this: “we receive education on the task that is to be accomplished on one’s own, and the work that is accomplished by 20 people. But we do not receive education on the task that is to be accomplished by two people“
Kind of saying, we receive education about the things required to live in a society and how to work in a group so the things that we gotta do on our own and then the things which we do in a group, but the task of loving the task accomplished by two people we don’t receive education on.
These two people accomplish a happy life. On page 223 the philosopher states “rather than a self interested seeking of “my happiness” or the other interested wishing for a “your happiness,” love is the building of the happiness of an inseparable “us.” in short it’s about us.
“Unless it is the happiness of two of “us,“ it has no meaning. Such as the “task accomplished by two people“
Love is the fulfillment of happiness or more specifically “our happiness”
Bringing us to self-reliance. The truest meaning:
“Self reliance is breaking away from self-centeredness/ breaking away from “me“
The love of two when watered grows Expanding to the larger community
this is the feeling of community, self-reliance and love. It is through loving others that we become adults.
As Fromm says,
“To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give one self completely. Love is an act of faith/courage, and whoever is a little faith/courage is also a little love“
Continuing…
“Loving someone is not simply an intense emotion. It is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.”
The philosopher, then ends the book with this
“It is precisely because we value Adlers ideas that we must continue to update them. We must not turn into fundamentalist. This is the mission and trusted to the human beings who will live in the new era.”
A solemn finish for a great book.
* = Side notes
The Courage to Be Happy might be better understood with some context from its afterword.
This book is the sequel to The Courage to Be Disliked (2013).
Kishimi, Japan’s foremost specialist in Adlerian psychology states,
“if Socrates and Plato were alive today, they might have chosen the path of psychology, instead of that philosophy.“
This exchange between Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga serves as the launchpad for the sequel.
The authors goal is to make Adler’s ideas commonplace—accessible tools for everyday life.
In that way The Courage To Be Happy serves as the compass to the map, The Courage to Be Disliked.(p. XIII)
Introduction
The story begins with another dialogue over the course of a couple hours distilled into 276 pages between the Youth from 3 years ago and the Outsider Philosopher. The Youth returns with frustration and disappointment from his career as an educator. The Philosopher responds with a difficult reply: the Youth has yet to learn how to love. As it says on page XXIII,
“The love Adler speaks of is the hardest and most courage-testing task of all.”
Part I, “That Bad Person and Poor Me,”
Part I lays the foundation for the rest of the discussion.
The Philosopher begins by contrasting religion, philosophy, and science
Which are to answer the 3 questions
1. Where do we come from?
2. Where are we?
3. And how should we live?
Defining each one as such:
- Religion as a means of explaining the world through stories; where God(s) are the protagonists. Religion may convey “all” under the name of God. Like The Bible, Quran, Bhagavad Gita.
- Philosophy rejects stories and uses concepts & abstractions like “ÆSOPS Fables”. In the original Greek, philosophia simply means “love of wisdom.” Therefore philosophy is “the study of the love of wisdom“ and philosophers are “lovers of wisdom.”
As Kant puts it “we cannot learn philosophy. We can only learn to philosophize.” Kind of saying that philosophy isn’t solely an undertaking it’s a practice.
- Science is derived from the Latin word “scientia” simply meaning “knowledge.”
*Science limits itself to objective fact finding while philosophy and religion deal with the human ideas of Truth, Good and Beauty.
*In ancient Greece, there was no division between philosophy and science
From there, the book introduces its 3 central themes of
Love, Self-Reliance, and Happiness.
Self-reliance, which is said to be the goal of education (Pg.16), is said to start with understanding “human knowledge” which answers the questions
- How to live with one another.
- How to know oneself.
- How to locate one’s place in community.
These things are grounded in the 2 behavioral objectives of
1. Becoming self-reliant
2. Living in harmony with society.
The 2 psychological objectives to support these behaviors
1. The consciousness that “I have ability”
2. The consciousness that “other people are my comrades.”
Respect, stated by the philosopher as the cornerstone of all interpersonal relationships, is the next point of the discussion. As the Philospher states on Pg.23
“Respect denotes the ability to see another person as [they are];to be aware of [their] unique individuality.” More so, “Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as [they are].” — Erich Fromm
*Most importantly, the Latin respicio, which is the root of “respect,“ has the connotation of “seeing.“
Social feeling or the feeling of community
AKA Gemeinschaftsgefühl is described as seeing with another’s eye, hearing with another’s ear, and feeling with another’s heart all of which ties and relates to empathy which means to have concern for other people‘s concerns.
Part I closes with a bold claim by the Philosopher that “human beings can determine themselves at any time.” on Pg. 44. Claiming “the past”, as it’s called, simply doesn’t exist rather, it is a skillful compilation of memories compiled by this “me” in alignment with some present goal and every memory running counter to the present goal is erased; this invented“past“ is colored and reinterpreted through the lens of the present. As the Philosopher puts it,
“The past does not decide now. It is your now that decides the past.” (Pg.49-50)
Leaving the reader with a 3-sided triangular column, representing our psyche, on Pg.57, that reads
1. “That bad person”
2. “Poor me”
3. “What should one do from now on?”
Part II — Why Negate Reward and Punishment?
This part starts off by defining democracy, the Democratic process and “national sovereignty”. The principal of national sovereignty is that “sovereign power rests with the people.“ That way any nation, corporation, family or organization isn’t under the rule of an authoritarian that creates a “my rules“. It’s a mutual consensus from a body of people, the people, that create “our rules“.
The next step is the proposed alternative to “reward & punishment” education as the Philosopher states on Pg. 71
“What is needed of us adults is not to reprimand, but to teach. With words of reason, and without getting emotional or raising our voices.“
On Pg.97 The Philosopher and the Youth
Start discussing, communication theory, which the Philosopher says
“The final objective is the establishment of consensus.”
The point of communication is to establish consensus, but seeing that language-based communication takes a while the people who are tired of communicating & wanna push through with [their] demands resort to violence, which includes
“Raising one’s voice, slapping one’s hand on the table or shedding tears.“
The Philosopher, then provides the Serenity prayer as an alternative alongside renouncing the standpoint of “being the judge”, negating reprimand/rebuking and not relying on anger and violence, this way, looking again at the 3-sided triangular column, the one representing the psyche, we can truly focus on “the things we can change now.”
The Serenity Prayer
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.“
The philosopher then makes another bold claim to end this part, “one can choose one’s own life.“
Part III — “From the Principle of Competition to the Principle of Cooperation”
On Pg. 120 the Philosopher says
“Here is the problem: in that community, where people gather with the goal of being praised, “competition” emerges.”
This is to say that praise gives rise to competition.
The alternative to the principle of competition that the philosopher states on page 125 is the principle of cooperation alongside the establishment of horizontal relationships based on the
“Psychology of Democracy”
Going on to say…
“All people are equal, regardless of scholastic, achievement or work performance, and it is in the very active cooperating with others that building community has meaning.”
The Philosopher, then states some noteworthy facts about being human beings & human society.
“The human being is probably the only living thing with a body that takes longer to grow than the mind” on Page 129.
Then on page 130 the Philosopher says that
“Civilization is a product of the need to compensate for the biological weakness of the human being further stating that the history of the human race is the history of it. It’s triumph thing over its inferiority“.
Furthermore the Philosopher says,
“It is due to that weakness that we, humans, create communities and live in relationships of cooperation. Making a profound point that all people have community feeling deep inside them. It’s a thing deeply tied/linked to human identity.”
“Community feeling is not some head in the clouds ideal. It is a fundamental principle of life that resides within us humans.”
The Philosopher is essentially saying “Dig up your own community feeling and seek connection with other people.“
Another fundamental need as stated on page 135 for human being is “the sense of belonging.“ the real feeling that “it’s OK to be here.“
The philosopher then makes another bold claim on page 138 stating that individuality is not relative it is absolute furthermore, placing worth on “being ourselves” and “being normal” is an aspect of individuality.
Part IV — “Give, and It Shall be Given Unto You”
The Philosopher then starts off Part IV with another bold claim namely, if
“All problems are interpersonal relationship problems“
then,
“All joy is interpersonal relationship joy.“
Page 160
The task of friendship is that of community feeling which also relates to empathy that means
“Seeing with another’s eyes, listening with another’s ears and feeling with another heart“
Confidence, in a word, is focusing on human worth believing in a person
At this point, the philosopher defines the three types of relationships that are portrayed and defined by their depth and distance
1. Work
2. Friendship
3. Love
Work
Work is as simple as “working to eat.”
We, human beings, divide up labor to make up or compensate for our physical weaknesses. It’s a survival strategy.
Adam Smith pointed this out from an economic standpoint, but Adler looked at this division of labor from the standpoint of psychology.
In conclusion Adler states,
“The answer that is logical, and in the court of common sense is that we should work, cooperate, and contribute.”
The Philosopher wraps up the task of work by saying
“All work is something that has to be done by someone in the community”
Prime Minister, business owner, factory worker, housewife/househusband, all professions are honorable.
Friendship
Simply put, friendship is whenever someone feels at ease around another and feels that [they] can talk frankly about anything.
*It takes belief in people to practice friendship.
The Philosopher, then points to Christianity and Buddhism
“It is because they contain uniforms that they have not been done away with and still survive today.”
Then the philosopher makes mention of the gospel of Luke,
“Love thy neighbor as thyself”
Luke 10:37
The Philosopher then gives us a little background on Adler’s history
“When World War I began, Adler who was spoken to at the time, was conscription as a medical officer and served in the department of neurology and psychology at a military hospital. His job is a medical officer was one and one only: to provide treatment to the soldiers in his care, to return them to the front lines as soon as possible.“
Freud view post aftermath of World War I is the“death drive” basically meaning a destructive impulse with regard to life
Adler on the other hand who experienced the same war proposed “community feeling.”
The philosopher then goes on to share this quote by Mother Theresa when she was asked “What can one do to promote world peace?” to which she replied.
“Go home and love your family.”
— Mother Theresa
The goal being that the day-to-day the accumulation of confidence, no matter how small, will someday get rid of even any international conflict.
The Philosopher says
“For us, it is our “nothing days“ that are our trial, and it is every day life “here and now “that the big decisions must be made“
Ending Part IV with this
“Before arguing over the state of the world, have some thought for your neighbor. Have some thought for your interpersonal relationships on “nothing days.“ That is all we can do.
And another quote from the gospel referencing Matthew 7:7 while alluding to Luke 6:38
“Ask and you will recieve…”
Matthew 7:7
“Give and it shall be given onto you…”
Luke 6:38
& this
“There is no task that is stricter or more difficult, or more testing of courage, then the love that Adler speaks of. In short, the stairway to understanding Adler can only be found by embarking on love”
Part V — “Choose a Life You Love”
Part V starts off with a discussion of love where the philosopher names the different forms of love
“Divine love”
Divine love is that kind of godly love
Lofty love
The love where the other person is cast as a deity. I love that is unforgiving of defilement.
Animal love
This is the love of succumbing to one’s sexual drive.
Biological love
This is the love with intentions of transmitting one’s genes to a new generation.
Romantic love
This is the love that people “fall into”.
Described as an uncontrollable impulse. Like Romeo and Juliet.
Human love
Human love is about an inextricably involved. “me” it is something that we build, and it is because we build it from nothing but nothing but our strength of well at the task of love is difficult.
The philosopher equates “falling for someone“ to be the same as desiring or wanting material things.
The book then makes mention of
“The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm kind of reframing the conventional view of Love as an art.
The philosopher then says
“Adler says this: “we receive education on the task that is to be accomplished on one’s own, and the work that is accomplished by 20 people. But we do not receive education on the task that is to be accomplished by two people“
Kind of saying, we receive education about the things required to live in a society and how to work in a group so the things that we gotta do on our own and then the things which we do in a group, but the task of loving the task accomplished by two people we don’t receive education on.
These two people accomplish a happy life. On page 223 the philosopher states “rather than a self interested seeking of “my happiness” or the other interested wishing for a “your happiness,” love is the building of the happiness of an inseparable “us.” in short it’s about us.
“Unless it is the happiness of two of “us,“ it has no meaning. Such as the “task accomplished by two people“
Love is the fulfillment of happiness or more specifically “our happiness”
Bringing us to self-reliance. The truest meaning:
“Self reliance is breaking away from self-centeredness/ breaking away from “me“
The love of two when watered grows Expanding to the larger community
this is the feeling of community, self-reliance and love. It is through loving others that we become adults.
As Fromm says,
“To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give one self completely. Love is an act of faith/courage, and whoever is a little faith/courage is also a little love“
Continuing…
“Loving someone is not simply an intense emotion. It is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.”
The philosopher, then ends the book with this
“It is precisely because we value Adlers ideas that we must continue to update them. We must not turn into fundamentalist. This is the mission and trusted to the human beings who will live in the new era.”
A solemn finish for a great book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 25, 2025
The sequel to 'Courage to be Disliked'. Both of these books are so insightful and I experienced many 'aha' moments reading this. Love the style with the narrative between the philosopher and student. Highly recommend
July 31, 2025
Had meer moeite met dit boek uitlezen dan het eerste boek. Ging hier minder snel doorheen omdat ik op de een of andere manier toch niet zo goed in het verhaal kwam.
February 9, 2025
I thought I needed this book but in the end I did not get that much out of it.
November 16, 2025
So many insights one to keep on the bookshelf and revisit.
August 28, 2025
The information in this book, just as the first book, The Courage to be Disliked, was exactly what I needed to help me level up on how I want to live the second half of my life!
June 12, 2025
“The world is simple, and life is too.��� ‘But keeping it simple is difficult, and it is there that the passage of days becomes one’s trial.”
In The Courage to Be Happy, authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga present a compelling roadmap to discovering genuine happiness through the practice of brave thinking. This transformative concept empowers us to face and conquer the fears and obstacles that obstruct our pursuit of joy. The book powerfully highlights the necessity of living authentically and seizing control of our own happiness.
Drawing on the insights of psychologist Alfred Adler, it emphasizes the importance of collaboration and the inner drive for joy. Readers are urged to release negative thoughts and defy societal pressures that weigh them down. Through the narrative of a philosopher and a young man, the authors demonstrate how embracing positive thinking can lead to profound life changes and how we can uplift one another on this vital journey toward happiness.
In The Courage to Be Happy, authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga present a compelling roadmap to discovering genuine happiness through the practice of brave thinking. This transformative concept empowers us to face and conquer the fears and obstacles that obstruct our pursuit of joy. The book powerfully highlights the necessity of living authentically and seizing control of our own happiness.
Drawing on the insights of psychologist Alfred Adler, it emphasizes the importance of collaboration and the inner drive for joy. Readers are urged to release negative thoughts and defy societal pressures that weigh them down. Through the narrative of a philosopher and a young man, the authors demonstrate how embracing positive thinking can lead to profound life changes and how we can uplift one another on this vital journey toward happiness.
June 5, 2025
‘the courage to be happy’ is a book in dialogue format between a youth and a philosopher that explores ideas rooted in adlerian psychology. It challenges the reader to focus on living authentically and embracing personal responsibility, even when the world feels unkind or unfair.
key takeaways:
- happiness is not about external factors (success, approval, material gains) but an inner commitment to live meaningfully.
- it stresses the importance of courage—the courage to live in alignment with your values, even if others disapprove. It’s not about isolating yourself but about forming “horizontal relationships” where everyone is equal rather than hierarchical, where approval becomes a currency.
- adlerian psychology rejects the idea that we are bound by trauma or past experiences. instead, it claims that the meaning we assign to those experiences is what limits us, and we have the power to change that meaning.
- live in the now; stop focusing on the past or future goals!
- the key to being free from fear of judgment/societal expectations is to have courage; be yourself, be cringe, do what you want in spite of your fears.
overall, this book was a good read, but the message felt overly familiar. i’ve encountered similar ideas in various forms across different platforms, and it started to feel repetitive. bc of this, i hit a bit of a slump and was bored at times. that said, it’s a great introduction to self-help, especially for anyone struggling with anxiety or people-pleasing tendencies. one thing to note: I didn’t realize this was a continuation of the Courage to be disliked (whoops!), so I’d recommend reading them together for a more sound experience.
key takeaways:
- happiness is not about external factors (success, approval, material gains) but an inner commitment to live meaningfully.
- it stresses the importance of courage—the courage to live in alignment with your values, even if others disapprove. It’s not about isolating yourself but about forming “horizontal relationships” where everyone is equal rather than hierarchical, where approval becomes a currency.
- adlerian psychology rejects the idea that we are bound by trauma or past experiences. instead, it claims that the meaning we assign to those experiences is what limits us, and we have the power to change that meaning.
- live in the now; stop focusing on the past or future goals!
- the key to being free from fear of judgment/societal expectations is to have courage; be yourself, be cringe, do what you want in spite of your fears.
overall, this book was a good read, but the message felt overly familiar. i’ve encountered similar ideas in various forms across different platforms, and it started to feel repetitive. bc of this, i hit a bit of a slump and was bored at times. that said, it’s a great introduction to self-help, especially for anyone struggling with anxiety or people-pleasing tendencies. one thing to note: I didn’t realize this was a continuation of the Courage to be disliked (whoops!), so I’d recommend reading them together for a more sound experience.
October 21, 2025
Mere shadow of the first one, which I loved. This was way too much about childrearing and pareting and education. Having had girlfriends and my entire family in pedagogic circles, I'm happily childfree and the content in the book therefore just couldn't resonate with me. It did cover some aspects of love and an awkwardly translated "community feeling" but it didn't touch me deeply. Instead of trying to adapt the parent/educator-to-kid relationship's teaching to a work environment (not that I/we have any boss-employee relationships in my "job" as a business owner/entrepreneur) I decided to take it at face value, which was unfortunately useless to me. The format remained the same, youth vs. philisopher or whatever, and the author did a good job at voicing the reader's concerns through the sometimes rioting youth, my problem just was wih the usefulness of such content. I'd much rather relisten the first one. The title giving (for both books) leaves much to be desired. I don't think this has anything to do with happiness (it was merely a subplot), similarly to how the first one had barely anything to do with being disliked.
January 14, 2026
I was really looking forward to this book since i've heard alot a bit it's predecessor "the courage to be disliked". Overall i found the book a bit dissapointing, i think the title is a bit missguided and that the whole book is about Adlerian psychology (which is fine) but it should show this a bit clearer.
Overall i think the concept in the book is good altough current science has disproven alot of Adlers theories. But the way it's written in a dialogue format with the young man being so angry and irritated and his retorts is just annoying to read. Would the book have been written in the same dialogue format but without the over dramatic young man i would've given it 3-stars.
If u are interested in Adlerian psychology and want a relatively easy book to read then i can recommend this, however if u do as i did and thought it would be a blend of japanese/zen philosophy (just my judgement about the cover and the authors names which made me think that) then i wouldn't recommend.
Overall i think the concept in the book is good altough current science has disproven alot of Adlers theories. But the way it's written in a dialogue format with the young man being so angry and irritated and his retorts is just annoying to read. Would the book have been written in the same dialogue format but without the over dramatic young man i would've given it 3-stars.
If u are interested in Adlerian psychology and want a relatively easy book to read then i can recommend this, however if u do as i did and thought it would be a blend of japanese/zen philosophy (just my judgement about the cover and the authors names which made me think that) then i wouldn't recommend.
February 23, 2025
Self-Reliance – Good teachers and counselors encourage self-reliance rather than fixing things for others and making them dependent on them for help.
To be self-reliant is to break away from one’s childhood lifestyle and to get past one’s self-centeredness.
Love – Love is not something one “falls” into. Love is a task accomplished by two people.
It is through loving others that we at last become adults. […] Love is self-reliance, it is to become an adult, and that is why love is difficult.
Love is decision.
The person who lives wanting an easy life or wanting an easy way, may find fleeting pleasures, but they will not be able to grasp real happiness. It is only by loving another person that we are liberated from self-centeredness. It is only by loving another person that we can achieve self-reliance. And it is only by loving another person that we arrive at community feeling.
To be self-reliant is to break away from one’s childhood lifestyle and to get past one’s self-centeredness.
Love – Love is not something one “falls” into. Love is a task accomplished by two people.
It is through loving others that we at last become adults. […] Love is self-reliance, it is to become an adult, and that is why love is difficult.
Love is decision.
The person who lives wanting an easy life or wanting an easy way, may find fleeting pleasures, but they will not be able to grasp real happiness. It is only by loving another person that we are liberated from self-centeredness. It is only by loving another person that we can achieve self-reliance. And it is only by loving another person that we arrive at community feeling.
August 7, 2024
This was an amazing continuation to the first book. I learned so much about the importance of perspective and how happiness is always available to us. If you are wanting to learn how to be more present and enjoy your life more, this book is great for that. This book taught me that the way we judge and view others is always a reflection of how we view ourselves. We have to let people show up exactly as they are without trying to change them and then it is up to us to decide whether we want them in ourselves. Ultimately, trying to change people is never going to be the answer cause you will always find issues. Also, in the bigger picture if we didn’t let the way other people act affect us, we would be much happier connected humans.
February 11, 2025
Personally when I started reading this book last year I couldn’t get into it, I just didn’t connect with what was taught. I finished it earlier this month and it just flowed.
I read it in a couple of days.
If you read it and it doesn’t feel right, let it go and come back to it another time, month, year just whenever you’ll feel like the time is right. I feel like this book is very well written, funny and I got emotional towards the end.
But I know it’s not a book for everyone, self help books are very personal and what I find helpful might not be the case for you. Give it a try, if you don’t find it helpful pass it forward you never know if someone around you might actually need exactly this.
I read it in a couple of days.
If you read it and it doesn’t feel right, let it go and come back to it another time, month, year just whenever you’ll feel like the time is right. I feel like this book is very well written, funny and I got emotional towards the end.
But I know it’s not a book for everyone, self help books are very personal and what I find helpful might not be the case for you. Give it a try, if you don’t find it helpful pass it forward you never know if someone around you might actually need exactly this.
January 17, 2026
This book was a little disappointing. The writing was not as crisp and clear as the first part (The Courage to be Disliked) and felt like a 100 pages longer than it needed to be. While the focus on an educational setting may have been a deliberate choice to make Adler’s teachings easier to understand- it in fact created limitations in understanding how one could apply his principles in real life. The dialogues and discussions also felt too dragged on and artificial. The “youth’s” frustration seemed a bit too much at times. To sum it up - Keeping things simpler and shorter would have served the book’s purpose much better. While it felt like it was dragging along, by the final 2 parts the writers brought it back home and captured my interest again. I guess all’s well that ends well?
December 12, 2025
Good continuation to the first book.
Mostly about education though.
Like others pointed out, the conversation felt one-sided indeed and most of the responses from the youth were insults.
Maybe I need to read the chapters about love again and let them sink in. Right now, I can't agree with the statement, that you can love and marry any person. I still think there is a difference between a person you are compatible with and have chemistry with and a person where that is not the case. Even if you behave in the same adlerian way and try to create a happy us. I can't see incompatibility go away. I don't know. I'll be coming back to this at some point.
Mostly about education though.
Like others pointed out, the conversation felt one-sided indeed and most of the responses from the youth were insults.
Maybe I need to read the chapters about love again and let them sink in. Right now, I can't agree with the statement, that you can love and marry any person. I still think there is a difference between a person you are compatible with and have chemistry with and a person where that is not the case. Even if you behave in the same adlerian way and try to create a happy us. I can't see incompatibility go away. I don't know. I'll be coming back to this at some point.
January 26, 2026
En håndgribelig måde at forstå Adelrian psykologi. Den første bog "The courage to be disliked" giver os en bred forståelse for koncepterne, psykologien, og filosofien bag Adlers psykologi.
"The courage to be happy" giver os en mere håndgribelig måde at inkorporere, det vi lærte i den første bog ved at give os realistiske eksempler og dilemmaer der passer ind i hverdagslivet.
Bogen udforsker og dykker dybere ned i det vi lærte i den første bog, hvilket medfører en bedre forståelse af hvordan vi kan bruge og efterleve det i vores egen travle hverdag.
Skrevet, som den første bog, som en dialog mellem en filosof og en ung mand der prøver at forstå den verden vi lever i lidt bedre.
Det handler ikke om at opnå en åbenbaring, og efterleve alt hvad Adler foreslår fra den ene dag til den anden, men derimod at tage et skridt hver dag og tilpasse de aspekter af Adlerian psykologi, der passer bedst ind i det enkelte individs livsstil.
En klar anbefaling til dem der har læst den første bog!
"The courage to be happy" giver os en mere håndgribelig måde at inkorporere, det vi lærte i den første bog ved at give os realistiske eksempler og dilemmaer der passer ind i hverdagslivet.
Bogen udforsker og dykker dybere ned i det vi lærte i den første bog, hvilket medfører en bedre forståelse af hvordan vi kan bruge og efterleve det i vores egen travle hverdag.
Skrevet, som den første bog, som en dialog mellem en filosof og en ung mand der prøver at forstå den verden vi lever i lidt bedre.
Det handler ikke om at opnå en åbenbaring, og efterleve alt hvad Adler foreslår fra den ene dag til den anden, men derimod at tage et skridt hver dag og tilpasse de aspekter af Adlerian psykologi, der passer bedst ind i det enkelte individs livsstil.
En klar anbefaling til dem der har læst den første bog!
January 5, 2025
Although I enjoyed this continuation of the first book I found it harder to follow. I listened to the audio version which I enjoyed with the first book. The question and answer format between student and philosopher appealed to me in the first book but not as much in this one. I may have more success with a paper copy. These two books have absolutely made me more interested in Adlerian Psychology and I will be implementing the points discussed into my life. It honestly feels more natural than the alternative techniques I find more abundantly recommended.
April 6, 2025
this book is quite literally a continuation of the previous "courage to be disliked" and I'm not mad about that at all. the first one was amazing in so many ways and so to basically get an extension of that felt great. still this one did not live up to the height of the first one although it was the same characters, same story, same format, etc, the talking points were less groundbreaking than the predecessor. or maybe they just didn't resonate with me as much as the first one did. regardless, still a great read
July 23, 2025
I wouldn't call it a page turner due to its didactic style, but just like The Courage to Be Disliked, I was constantly having my world view challenged and my priorities brought into question. It's rare for such a straightforward philosophy to be so confronting and counterintuitive while being immediately obvious. If I could, I would demand that my younger self read this series by Kishima. I needed this, and I imagine a lot of other people do as well. I hope over time that Adler might begin to take on the renown of Jung, Freud and his other contemporaries.
August 22, 2025
Alfred Adler's psychology is further outlined in this successor to the authors' previous publication of "The Courage to be Disliked". There's more of a personal relationship focus in this narrative but I still feel the style of the book, a youth meeting with a philosopher in a series of discussions is not the best way to describe Adler's teachings. It took me about a month to get through it which is longer than average for most books I read. Worth a read in any case as it opened my eyes to another interesting way of looking at the human condition.
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