Say What They Can't Unhear: The 9 Principles of Lasting Change

by Tamsen Webster

Nine principles of persuasion to motivate, not manipulate. Change isn’t an easy sell. And, in business, pivoting in a new direction requires teams to work together cooperatively. While a half-hearted agreement to adopt a common goal may get you short-term momentum, if you want to initiate lasting change that creates sustained action, you need to give your audience a reason to believe. You need, as the title of this book suggests, to say what they can’t unhear. From renowned strategist, author, and speaker Tamsen Webster comes this compact and actionable guide that will get you thinking differently about where change comes from and how to initiate it. By introducing and exploring nine “persuasion proverbs,” Webster highlights the behavioral, cognitive, and psychological principles that underpin lasting change, and offers a powerful alternative to the standard tactics of influence and persuasion. The outlined concepts are easy to remember, simple to implement, and will give you the tools to transform any audience of lukewarm prospects into passionate believers. If you’re looking to spark change in your audience in a way that has them excited and motivated, that pushes them beyond temporary action, and that makes them feel empowered instead of manipulated, then Say What They Can’t Unhear is the resource you need in your back pocket.

Genres: Business

208 pages, Paperback

Published October 8, 2024

Reviews

[Jeffrey Lambert · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw Tamsen speak at 2024's Content Marketing World and was captivated by her charisma and messaging. After her presentation, I had a brief opportunity to speak with her and she coached me through some messaging issues I was having at my company. I then picked up this book to learn more.

While I was expecting more about message creation (which I assume is what her first book was more about), I was happy to see that this focused instead on change management. This is something I have struggled with when trying to inspire my team this last year. I had to laugh several times because I was so often the perfect "what not to do" example highlighted so well throughout this book. Since change is inevitable I look forward to reworking my approach based on these nine principles.

Long story short, the book was a quick inspiring read that had me even reading the end notes. I don't think I can really say I ever did that before.

[Eric Pratum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read the physical book and have now also listened to the audiobook. I posted a review to Amazon after reading the book in paper form and am sharing that here, but am going to preface that with a review specific to the audio form.

Specific to the audiobook:
This is still a 5-star book in my opinion. However, I only realized when listening to the audiobook that for me personally the book is much too tight. Tamsen Webster did a spectacular job cutting out any fluff and staying on topic, which is actually awesome and what I believe is needed in order to get the majority of readers through nonfiction, non-biography, non-history books. However for me, while listening to the audio version, I realized that I felt like it was moving too fast and that I didn't get mental space to explore the topic and each individual point or example. This is easier for me with paper or e-book formats because I read much more slowly then. But, it wasn't just the speed. It was also that, being familiar with her work and having loved her first book, I personally am committed enough to the journey that I would have found it much more fulfilling to have a deeper and longer exploration of the topic within each portion of the book.

As I said, it's still a 5-star book to me, and I believe that it being so tight is better for the audience and for the reach of this book and its central thesis. My critique is really specific to my own feelings and experience and not to what I believe the majority of readers will encounter.

Amazon review:
Tamsen Webster’s “Say What They Can’t Unhear: The 9 Principles of Lasting Change” should be on the bookshelf (or in the hands) of anyone tasked with inspiring meaningful, lasting change.

The premise of the book is fairly simple: to drive change, you need to say something people can’t unhear. As demonstrated in the book though, doing this requires an understanding of psychology, identity, and decision-making. Each chapter examines one of the nine principles behind sustainable change, with advice rooted in research and real-world examples.

One of the most impactful features of Say What They Can’t Unhear for me is how deeply it connects to the way people think and feel about themselves. Webster’s exploration of how “identity is the greatest influencer” (Chapter 4) is especially powerful for me as it relates deeply to my own work. She explains that people’s desire to be seen as smart, capable, and good drives much of their behavior. When you acknowledge and affirm this identity, the change feels natural and personal to them. This principle is essential for anyone trying to understand how to craft messages that stick. It’s one of the core reasons that change efforts fail when they confront—rather than align with—someone’s sense of self. It’s not enough to offer compelling reasons for change; you must present those reasons in a way that reinforces the individual’s or group’s identity.

I won’t go further into examples from the book so that I do not give too much of it away, but for marketers, business leaders, communicators, and anyone working in change management, Say What They Can’t Unhear is a great guide. It teaches you how to frame your message in a way that not only resonates but becomes an essential part of the audience’s internal story. This book is about more than persuasion—it’s about helping people adopt change as their own.

Overall, I feel Tamsen Webster has delivered a 5-star, must-read guide to mastering the art of lasting change. The principles in this book are universal. It is a book that will not only change the way you think—it will help you change the way others think.

[Chris Boivin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Tamsen does a masterful job clarifying why people do---or don't (or won't)---change, and gives practical strategies to get aligned with your customers, staff, coworkers, or anyone you're trying to help navigate a change. The principles Tamsen has refined and uncovered are truly revolutionary. From storytelling to the sales feature/benefit conundrum to the crucial difference between "you're right" and "that's right," you'll have a great reference to help you get people to move from where they are to where they need to be much more easily than you may have previously thought. Highly recommend this book!!!

[Garrett Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

The principles in this book are certainly useful and powerful. I give it 4/5 for two reasons:
1. I think it could have been shorter. It felt redundant or over-explained at times.
2. This book focuses a lot on YOUR approach to presenting change to a group of people, but does not focus very much on how to get to a point of understanding those you are trying to convince. The author reiterates the importance many times of understanding your counterparts beliefs and values, which I completely agree with. But I wish there were more about how to uncover those beliefs, if they’re not immediately obvious.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

My dear friend Tamsen Webster has done it again -- provided a road map for those trying to find their way to sticky ideas. How do you get people to embrace a new idea and even change their behavior over something like an attitude, or a brand, or a belief? You need these 9 principles of "lasting change" as Tamsen describes them. This is a brilliant explanation of how ideas land and stay with people -- or not. Must reading for anyone in the persuasion business.

[Nola Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tamsen Webster's first book helped me design the messaging for my business but her second book, Say What I Can't Unhear, is helping me
with how to tweak the delivery so I can help companies adapt to constant changes despite the polarity of opinions.
Tamsen's 9 principles of lasting change are brilliant.
Say What They Can't Unhear is immediately useful but will also be one of those resources you turn to time and again. Yes, I tagged Oprah:)

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on persuasion. Explains a lot of things you’ve experiential hadn’t labeled. ‘Reactance’ is one of those things.

Applicable concepts in business and personal situations.