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The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings—Even on Your Darkest Days
From award-winning author and Washington Post columnist Steven Petrow, a very personal book that speaks to all of us seeking more joy in our livesAfter his parents’ deaths, the breakup of his marriage, and his sister’s cancer diagnosis, all within a small window in 2017, Petrow not only felt bereft of joy, he realized he didn’t know how to seek it. This is the story of his search, which takes him from the darkness of the Arctic to a frenetic cancer ward in Manhattan. It also takes him home—as he unearths poignant memories in photos and letters, finds delight in making his family’s holiday pecan pie, and even “embraces his suck” on the tennis court, curiously finding joy despite losing.Eventually, Petrow has an “aha” Joy is always present—in the everyday, in ties to those we care about, even in grief. We don’t need an expensive vacation, or a new job or car. You need not even sit cross-legged in a painful mediation posture. In The Joy You Make, journalist Steven Petrow explores the many variants of joy—and shows readers how to find, cultivate, and share it. Combining his personal experiences with research and expert interviews, Petrow asks (and answers) the “What if there was a way to experience the joy in everything?” Come join him on his search, and make it yours.
304 pages, Hardcover
Published September 10, 2024
102 people are currently reading
3690 people want to read
About the author
Steven Petrow
9 books16 followersThe former president of the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, Steven Petrow has held senior editorial positions with Wired, Life, Fitness, Time Inc., and Waterfront Mediaand has written for the Los Angeles Times, Salon, Daily Beast, Huffington Post, the Washington Post Writers Syndicate, and The Advocate. His previous books include Dancing Against the Darkness (Macmillan, 1990); When Someone You Know has AIDS (Crown, 1993); The HIV Drug Book (Pocket, 1995); The Essential Book of Gay Manners and Etiquette (HarperCollins, 1995) and The Lost Hamptons (Arcadia, 2004).
Petrow is the recipient of numerous awards and grants, including those from the National Endowment for the Humanities, Smithsonian Institution, the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, and the Weymouth Center for the Humanities and the Arts. Petrow appeared for more than a decade as a talking head on San Franciscos popular PBS-TV station, KQED, and has gone on several multi-city tours, appearing on NBCs Today Show, CNN, Fox News, and National Public Radio. "
Petrow is the recipient of numerous awards and grants, including those from the National Endowment for the Humanities, Smithsonian Institution, the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, and the Weymouth Center for the Humanities and the Arts. Petrow appeared for more than a decade as a talking head on San Franciscos popular PBS-TV station, KQED, and has gone on several multi-city tours, appearing on NBCs Today Show, CNN, Fox News, and National Public Radio. "
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
June 11, 2024
3.5 stars. Lost momentum in second half of the book for me, but a sweet book and short enough to read in a few days.
November 2, 2024
The author has experienced life events that not everyone reading the book will but I think there are really good suggestions of ways to help achieve joy if one’s life.
I found it to be a very positive and worthwhile read.
I found it to be a very positive and worthwhile read.
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November 13, 2024Very inspiring!
July 10, 2024
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher Penguin Group- Penguin Books for an advance copy of this book that is part memoir and part a guide to allowing something many us are not feeling much of right now, which is joy, into our lives, and how joy can make so many changes in ourselves, allowing us to help others, and maybe make a better place for all.
America for all its talk of freedoms, doesn't like people to be to free. There are limits, from peer pressure, religious and government pressure, soon to be the same thing, even family pressures. To be proud of something, to take joy in something is frowned on by many people. Call it the puritan influence, or maybe just jealousy, but Americans don't like happy joyful people. Oh that Taylor Swift, she doesn't have kids, or a husband she can't be happy. I have heard this a lot, usually from trolls, but this seems to be a big thing. If you don't fit the box that society had decided one must fit into, you must be unhappy. And lack the joy that comes from living in that box. There is also a feeling with so much misery in the world, how can one take joy from anything. Again, the puritan aspect of not bragging. Some people love to make everyone miserable, like as the author once called himself and Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh. It wasn't till the world showed how bad it could be did the author see the beauty and he wonder that was all around. And found the joy that was always there. The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings--Even on Your Darkest Days by writer and journalist Steven Petrow, is a new way of looking at things, and finding ways of getting through the day, and more importantly , helping others feel better too.
Steven Petrow was having a heck of a year. Within a short period of time Petrow lost his father, his mother, found himself first separated and divorced from his husband. And his sister was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. Petrow had never been of the sunniest of dispositions, as I wrote earlier he considered himself a curmudgeon of the Eeyore persuasion, the character from Winnie the Pooh, who always assumed the worst would happen. Until by chance, something inside of him had enough and Petrow began to notice small things, that didn't make him happy, but gave him a feeling he was unfamiliar with, joy. A church Nativity scene, a nice flower, a dog. Soon Petrow was sharing photos of these moments, sharing his joy and making others happy. A writing assignment of the Washington Post led him to study joy, and how we give it, leading him to studies, interviews and places which gave him more and more insight into the subject. Soon he was looking at parts of his life, parts that people assumed he would be unhappy with, being alone, being gay, and finding that these negatives, also had positives. And of course joy in time with his sister and family.
Steven Petrow is a very good writer, and his time thinking about joy, and the events he went through, with the addition of Covid, gave him a lot of time to make joy a part of his life. This is a self improvement book that doesn't make one feel guilty if one doesn't follow it all the way, or seem lost in a world of it's own. One of the first, and to this reader one of the biggest sections is that we ourselves happy, we bring others joy. That is something that is lost. I'm happy when an author I like comes out with a new book. I feel joy when my nephews do something new and different, especially if I am there to experience it.
Petrow looks for the brighter side, and is successful, though I am sure many of the Puritans in power and Debbie Downers who vote to control house colors in Homeowner Associations won't feel joy about this book. However maybe that is what the world needs. Someone sharing a story, a picture of something going right. It sure beats Doomscrolling Twitter.
America for all its talk of freedoms, doesn't like people to be to free. There are limits, from peer pressure, religious and government pressure, soon to be the same thing, even family pressures. To be proud of something, to take joy in something is frowned on by many people. Call it the puritan influence, or maybe just jealousy, but Americans don't like happy joyful people. Oh that Taylor Swift, she doesn't have kids, or a husband she can't be happy. I have heard this a lot, usually from trolls, but this seems to be a big thing. If you don't fit the box that society had decided one must fit into, you must be unhappy. And lack the joy that comes from living in that box. There is also a feeling with so much misery in the world, how can one take joy from anything. Again, the puritan aspect of not bragging. Some people love to make everyone miserable, like as the author once called himself and Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh. It wasn't till the world showed how bad it could be did the author see the beauty and he wonder that was all around. And found the joy that was always there. The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings--Even on Your Darkest Days by writer and journalist Steven Petrow, is a new way of looking at things, and finding ways of getting through the day, and more importantly , helping others feel better too.
Steven Petrow was having a heck of a year. Within a short period of time Petrow lost his father, his mother, found himself first separated and divorced from his husband. And his sister was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. Petrow had never been of the sunniest of dispositions, as I wrote earlier he considered himself a curmudgeon of the Eeyore persuasion, the character from Winnie the Pooh, who always assumed the worst would happen. Until by chance, something inside of him had enough and Petrow began to notice small things, that didn't make him happy, but gave him a feeling he was unfamiliar with, joy. A church Nativity scene, a nice flower, a dog. Soon Petrow was sharing photos of these moments, sharing his joy and making others happy. A writing assignment of the Washington Post led him to study joy, and how we give it, leading him to studies, interviews and places which gave him more and more insight into the subject. Soon he was looking at parts of his life, parts that people assumed he would be unhappy with, being alone, being gay, and finding that these negatives, also had positives. And of course joy in time with his sister and family.
Steven Petrow is a very good writer, and his time thinking about joy, and the events he went through, with the addition of Covid, gave him a lot of time to make joy a part of his life. This is a self improvement book that doesn't make one feel guilty if one doesn't follow it all the way, or seem lost in a world of it's own. One of the first, and to this reader one of the biggest sections is that we ourselves happy, we bring others joy. That is something that is lost. I'm happy when an author I like comes out with a new book. I feel joy when my nephews do something new and different, especially if I am there to experience it.
Petrow looks for the brighter side, and is successful, though I am sure many of the Puritans in power and Debbie Downers who vote to control house colors in Homeowner Associations won't feel joy about this book. However maybe that is what the world needs. Someone sharing a story, a picture of something going right. It sure beats Doomscrolling Twitter.
May 25, 2025
I listened to this audiobook, and the first thing I am going to comment on is that towards the end of the book, maybe 85% in, the voice changed. It was very odd and unsettling. Some of the chapters felt important and the ideas strong enough to stop the house project of the moment to open a page on my iPad and bookmark it, jot a few things down or even mark where I was in the book to return to it. Because I am one of those people who borrowed both the audible and hard copy from the library. One the other hand, some of the chapters felt tired, redundant even, to the point where I would realize that I had stopped listening and would have to track down the device and back it up a minute (or 5) to where I had drifted off. I started (restarted for the third time) this book, [that seemed important enough to keep renewing from the library because it was recommended by someone, but I don’t remember whom, that I admired; if you are reading this review, and you read this book prior to me and know me, shoot me a message] I started this book because I am having trouble finding joy in my life. I am blessed in so many ways, however, I have also faced a few struggles this year that removed me from my comfort zone and into a dark, sad place. Reading this book is on my daily checklist of things to do to climb out of the hole. And it did help. I realized that some of the things that naturally bring people (AND ME specifically) joy had been removed from my life because of a change in my routine. So, I would say that this book is really good if you need someplace to start a journey back to finding joy in everyday life. As a personal development choice, I wouldn’t seek it out.
May 24, 2025
It's taken me longer to finish the book because I can only absorb it in small portions. There are moments when I find myself laughing, and others when I'm so moved that I'm brought to tears.
Certain parts of the book resonated with me. For instance, I could almost taste the peach croissants when the author described them. Even though the recipe was provided, I'm not much of a baker, so I won't be trying to make them. I also enjoyed the section where he discussed the joy of having friends for dinner and the importance of spending quality time together. It's been years since I've done that, and I realize how much I miss the camaraderie. I might need to start hosting gatherings again occasionally. The joy of writing by hand was also a highlight, as I love sending cards and notes to friends and family. And the joy of doing nothing? I have a Snoopy t-shirt that says “I enjoy doing nothing”. I can relate as a single person who's been this way my whole adult life. And the joy of a dance party? I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and every song on his list I know and thoroughly enjoyed when I used to go to the disco when I was young.
So, the book was quite enjoyable overall.
Certain parts of the book resonated with me. For instance, I could almost taste the peach croissants when the author described them. Even though the recipe was provided, I'm not much of a baker, so I won't be trying to make them. I also enjoyed the section where he discussed the joy of having friends for dinner and the importance of spending quality time together. It's been years since I've done that, and I realize how much I miss the camaraderie. I might need to start hosting gatherings again occasionally. The joy of writing by hand was also a highlight, as I love sending cards and notes to friends and family. And the joy of doing nothing? I have a Snoopy t-shirt that says “I enjoy doing nothing”. I can relate as a single person who's been this way my whole adult life. And the joy of a dance party? I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and every song on his list I know and thoroughly enjoyed when I used to go to the disco when I was young.
So, the book was quite enjoyable overall.
July 31, 2025
What an unexpected find! I arbitrarily grabbed this off the library shelf because I liked the cover. It’s so much more. The words are both eloquent and accessible. The author identifies practical, effective ways to both integrate and recognize joy in your life. I liked how the chapters were focused on separate components of joy. I think I especially enjoyed this book because it was targeted toward everyone. Too many books nowadays have an underlying “persuasive” tone to align with certain life views. I was surprised this book is actually a current book. Finally, the author also discusses various struggles that he encountered along the way. This also helped me connect to the message even more.
August 24, 2025
Now I did not sit down and read this from start to finish in a matter of days. I actually took it chapter by chapter and reflected on it and even set it aside and then picked it up again. Each chapter addresses a different aspect or appearance of Joy. It also reflects the life of the author, Steven Petrow, an accomplished writer and Washington Post contributor. At the beginning of the year I received an professional journal that focused on Bringing Joy into the Classroom and it included a recommendation of this book. I've enjoyed traveling along the journey and finding connections to joy through Steven's experiences and the experiences of others in his life. I highly recommend this book.
October 1, 2024
THE JOY YOU MAKE is part of Maria Shriver's THE OPEN FIELD (a publishing imprint) and it made me want to check out the other "books that rise above the noise and move humanity forward."
Through a series of short chapters, Steven Petrow, helps readers to find the joy of memory, freudenfreude, solitude, cooking, getting lost, your name, blue, perspective, being single, the mundane, reading, sex, aging, uncertainty, and more.
Part non-fiction (very well researched!) and part memoir, this is a fast, uplifting and JOYOUS read. I really loved the insertion of recipes and poems. I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to know more about joy or how to be more joyful.
Through a series of short chapters, Steven Petrow, helps readers to find the joy of memory, freudenfreude, solitude, cooking, getting lost, your name, blue, perspective, being single, the mundane, reading, sex, aging, uncertainty, and more.
Part non-fiction (very well researched!) and part memoir, this is a fast, uplifting and JOYOUS read. I really loved the insertion of recipes and poems. I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to know more about joy or how to be more joyful.
December 5, 2024
I never connected with "joy" until my brother's partner gifted me a framed line of one of my brother's poems, "And joy lunged into my soul so purely that I could not see beyond the love." J. William Miller.
This book explained what joy is, how one finds it, keep it, shares it, and gifts it to themselves & those around them. And how it can he found, and held, even in depression & sorrow. How glad I am that I read this book for it has become a part of me now. Thank you Steven Petrow for creating it.
This book explained what joy is, how one finds it, keep it, shares it, and gifts it to themselves & those around them. And how it can he found, and held, even in depression & sorrow. How glad I am that I read this book for it has become a part of me now. Thank you Steven Petrow for creating it.
January 16, 2025
I was so excited to read this book after having it on hold forever. I was introduced to it through a podcast and interview with him and I really thought it was going to be such a good book. But eh... it was like most other "self help" books in that there are a few really good tidbits of information but mostly it is stories and anecdotes to take up pages. I guess that's the recipe for book writing otherwise the book would only be a few pages long. But I didn't find him to be that great of a storyteller so mostly I just skimmed through.
February 17, 2025
I found this book through Katie Couric's Wake-Up Call e-newsletter. It sounded very promising and hopeful. About 15% of the book resonated with me. I realize that Steven Petrow has been through very difficult personal issues. This book felt more like his ability to work through his problems by journaling. I had hoped to learn new information about joy but only learned personal information about the author.
June 13, 2025
A great book I picked up at Hub City Press’s “Delicious Reads” author signing event in Spartanburg, SC. The author’s joy lifts from the pages like a found secret. Not over the top, not a specific recipe for finding what he has found (and continues to mine from life), but a testimony worth listening to carefully. The message has a quiet power in its simplicity—to find joy, we have to TRY. We have to get busy seeking in everyday life! Wonderful.
November 24, 2024
There is nothing earth shattering in this book but oh did I love it. Each chapter focuses on a different way to find joy (eg joy of authenticity, joy of play, joy of the mundane etc). Petrow weaves his own experience and anecdotes into these vignettes while never reaching an overly condescending or directive tone. The book was a good reminder and also very touching!
December 5, 2024
This was touching and a mix of personal anecdotes from the author alongside advice for finding joy in dark times. I appreciated the short focused chapters and little reminders for coping skills that might help all of us live a richer life.
December 16, 2024
I finally understand JOY
Not fluffy. Not whimsy. But real and impactful. Thank you to Steven, and your learning experience, for nourishing that understanding in me. And thank you Julie.
Not fluffy. Not whimsy. But real and impactful. Thank you to Steven, and your learning experience, for nourishing that understanding in me. And thank you Julie.
May 17, 2025
I feel like this might’ve been a more interesting read if you knew who the author was. He is some sort of famous news personality. The concepts were fun. A few interesting tidbits and wisdom here and there makes it worthwhile.
August 11, 2025
I'm definitely not the intended audience. In fact, I read it for a work thing that I'm not entirely sure how I became entwined with. However, to paraphrase Hank Hill I didn't find it anywhere near as asinine as I expected, which is probably the highest praise I can give it.
September 25, 2024
No real new knowledge. Lots of common sense.
September 27, 2024
This book brought me so much "joy" , recently dealt with a significant loss and Steven's writing just said everything I needed it to say
October 3, 2024
This is a great book that explores many expressions of joy & shows readers how to find, cultivate & share it.
December 1, 2024
Excellent book. Great gift for those going through difficult periods of their life. I usually do not reread books. I bought the audiobook, and I am glad I did. I will listen to this again.
January 3, 2025
Practical advice on how to find joy in life. Each chapter provides a different take on finding joy. I.e. Th Joy of getting lost, the joy of the mundane, the joy of reading etc.
January 20, 2025
Important book especially reading during this time. As I watch Trump inauguration.
January 22, 2025
My morning reading in place of the NYT. Read a couple of chapters each morning…..much better way to start my day.
January 28, 2025
Some good nuggets but found the narrator’s voice a bit irritating TBH. Wish the author would have narrated it all; the ending he did and it resonated as much more authentic to me
February 8, 2025
So many positive thoughts and stories. Loved reading this.
February 14, 2025
This was a lovely book. Refreshing and an easy read. Felt fitting.
February 20, 2025
Wish the author would have narrated audio version.
February 25, 2025
A charming examination of the importance of joy and methods of finding and enhancing joy in one's life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews