Remnants of a Life on Paper: A Mother and Daughter's Struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder

by Bea Tusiani, Pamela Tusiani (CoAuthor), Paula Tusiani-Eng (CoAuthor)

The book tells the story of a young woman suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a psychiatric illness characterized primarily by mood swings, unstable relationships, depression and self-destructive behavior. Pamela Tusiani's copious journals, moving artwork and poetry provide an intimate glimpse of her battle with a personality she could not control. Intertwined with Pamela's voice, Bea Tusiani tells the story of her daughter's struggle and the roller-coaster effect it had on her family. The two points of view present a unique insight into Pamela's state of mind. Based on Bea's and her husband's notes, taken during conversations with Pamela, her doctors and other healthcare providers, this book allows the reader to live through Pamela's day-to-day ordeal and experience the anxiety, love and fear of her family members. This is not just the story of one vibrant, gifted young woman and her courageous family. It is a real life account of an illness that irreparably changes one's world. It raises questions for family and friends of those plagued by BPD. To whom do you turn? How can you help? What do you do when you can't help? Whom do you trust? Where are the boundaries? How do you keep going? Hopefully, this book will provide some answers. Pamela wrote in her diary, "There I stood, in a hole, deep in the ground. Did I dig it or just get in? Did I fall into it? Did someone else dig it and throw me in?" The hole is still there, but through the telling of her valiant endeavor, Pamela extends a hand to help others climb out. Remnants penetrates the heart. To read it, is truly inspirational.

Genres: Mental Health, Psychology, Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Illness

336 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 2013

About the author

Bea Tusiani is a freelance writer published in The New York Times and Newsday, among many other magazines and newspapers. She has written a memoir, Con Amore, and a children’s book, The Fig Cake Family, both strongly rooted in her Italian heritage. Bea founded the Writer’s Network of Long Island, the Frances Hodgson Burnett Collection at the Manhasset Public Library, and the Italian Welfare League’s charitable I Nostri Bambini Program. Most recently, together with her family she established the Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center at New York-Presbyterian Hospital.

Reviews

[Terri Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt it was a painfully accurate depiction of life with borderline personality disorder from every angle. I also have this illness and at times felt as if I were reading my own life story. It afflicts more people than bipolar and schizophrenia combined. I am amazed I have survived my twenties and thirties....thanks to some absolutely amazing psychiatrists who went far above and beyond the call of duty to help me. And after all the suicide attempts I made, I finally came to believe God must still want me here.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't read this book unless you really want to know what it is like to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder or to be the parent of someone who does. A heartbreaking book.

[Nia Harrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rare, authentic, and gripping look inside the mind of someone with BPD and their loved ones. The book is not only moving but educational, eloquently conveying both individual struggles and systemic failures. The mental health services system has a long way to go, both then and now.

[E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly, I feel bad rating this just 3 stars since borderline personality disorder is one of the less well-known mental illnesses, but the way this was written (like, the parts written by Bea Tusiani after the fact, not Pamela Tusiani's diaries, obviously) was just not good, which is ironic since Bea is/was apparently a journalist. I mean I understand that caring for someone with a chronic physical illness, much less a chronic mental illness is really difficult, but her whole mentality was so victim-like and at the same time she was such a helicopter parent even when Pamela's doctors told her to chill a little; it was honestly kind of irritating and made me feel less empathetic than I probably otherwise would have. Also, I kind of don't believe that nothing happened in Pamela's childhood because BPD is well-documented as being caused by childhood trauma, so I would like to know what parts of the story have been omitted. That being said, reading Pamela's journals was informative and arguably the best part of the book.

[Drew K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heartbreaking book, honestly. It's a first person account of a woman struggling with BPD, written from her journal entries and the POV of her mother who is desperate to help her daughter. As a therapist, I try to read as many of these stories as I can, because real people are always the best to learn from. I give so much credit to Pamela's mom and sister for putting together this book. Thank you for sharing her life.

[Dru Corliss · Rating 2 out of 5]

It felt like the book wanted you to feel bad for everyone that has to know or deal the person who actually has BPD, instead of creating any empathy for the one suffering with the illness. As someone who has BPD, it made me feel awful, and it seems to confirm that ever present fear that you are a burden to those you love.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very excellent and passionate telling by a mother regarding the pain and reality of having a child with BPD. A difficult read at times, but an important one for families who are deeply impacted by this mental illness.

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving story written by a mother experiencing first hand the suffering of a child with drug addiction and mental health problems. Heartbreaking for the entire family.

[Sierra Przystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

very touching, incredibly sad

[Jessica Asia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful book on BPD. This book helped me humanize and empathize those who suffer from BPD.

[Dena · Rating 4 out of 5]

An intense and emotionally wrenching novel that offers a powerful glimpse into a family’s struggle to cope with the challenges of a loved one’s serious mental illness.

[KC]

An informative and unique perspective of BPD, and I am grateful I came across this story. Paula and Bea will stay with me, especially as I begin to work with clients with this diagnosis.