The Reciprocating Self

Christian Association for Psychological Studies Books

by Jack O. Balswick, Pamela Ebstyne King, Kevin S. Reimer, Pamela Ebstyne King, Kevin S. Reimer

On the basis of a theologically grounded understanding of the nature of persons and the self, Jack O. Balswick, Pamela Ebstyne King and Kevin S. Reimer present a model of human development that ranges across all of life's infancy, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, middle adulthood, elder adulthood. They do this by drawing on a biblical model of relationality, where the created goal or purpose of human development is to become a reciprocating self--fully and securely related to others and to God. Along the way, they provide a context for understanding individual development issues--concerns, tensions, worries or crises encountered by the self in the context of change. Awareness of these issues is most pronounced at developmental transitional learning to talk and walk, beginning to eat unassisted, going to school, developing secondary sexual physical features, leaving home, obtaining full-time employment, becoming engaged and then married, having a child for the first time, parenting an adolescent, watching children move away from home, retiring, experiencing decline in physical and mental health, and, finally, facing imminent death. Throughout, Balswick, King and Reimer contend that, since God has created human beings for relationship, to be a self in reciprocating relationships is of major importance in negotiating these developmental issues. Critically engaging social science research and theory, The Reciprocating Self offers an integrated approach that provides insight helpful to college and seminary students as well as those serving in the helping professions. Those preparing for or currently engaged in Christian ministry will be especially rewarded by the in-depth discussion of the implications for moral and faith development nurtured in the context of the life of the church.

Genres: Psychology, Theology, Counselling, Nonfiction, Christian, Textbooks, Academic

334 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 28, 2005

Reviews

[Kimberly Winters · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good, thought-provoking theory here, especially in the first half. I also think it provides a solid theoretical/philosophical foundation for the development of a professional counseling standard of care model that incorporates the character of God into counseling practice.

[Ian Stoutbeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for my class. Enjoyed a lot of it and is pretty applicable to ministry and our development but I’m not smart enough to understand all of it.

[Adam Jarvis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, intriguing book. Not a light read, though. It kind of made my brain hurt, but it was worth it.

[Callie K · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The goal of spiritual and religious development is to experience intimacy with God that allows for communion with the Godhead and does not sacrifice the particularity of the individual."

[Jeremy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The beginning of this book was amazing and connected several dots for me in how I view humanity and the human condition. The rest of the book was a good survey of the human lifespan, with implications of the developmental stages for the worldview put forth by the authors.

[Chico Collie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The scientific method has served as an effective means of acquiring knowledge about the various mechanisms in the physical universe. In other words, it’s good at telling us ‘How’ things happened (at least in the immediate sense). However, it’s notoriously ill-equip at answering the ‘Why’ or ‘For what (ultimate) reason’.

Here in The Reciprocating Self: Human development in theological perspective, three, theologically-informed, social science professors aim to present an integrated view of human development that is based on social science research and biblical truths by drawing on the Biblical model of relationality – the goal of which is to become a reciprocating self in relation to God and others. In doing so, the authors hope to fill a perceived lack of a guiding teleology in developmental theory, addressing what is referred to as the developmental dilemma.

According to the authors, “the reciprocating self is the self that, in all its uniqueness and fullness of being, engages fully in relationship with another in all its particularity...It is the self that enters into mutual relationships with another, where distinction and unity are experienced simultaneously.” (page 54)

They use the concepts of Trinitarian perichoresis and Imago Dei (Image of God) to reconcile the association between particularity and relationality.


“The reciprocating self does not treat the other as a mere utilitarian object from which it only takes. It does not seek fusion, where it takes to the extent that it demands the loss and sacrifice of the other. It is not dissociated – where there is no give or take. Rather the reciprocating self lives in a mutual relationship of sharing and receiving with another.” (pg. 54)

It is suggested that the reciprocating self is best nurtured when (pg. 57):
- Personal relationships are characterized by a covenantal commitment (unconditional love)
- Response to failure in relationship is characterized by gracing rather than shaming
- persons in relationship use their power, giftedness and resources to empower rather than to control the other
- the relationship is characterized by an openness that can lead to intimacy rather than isolation


Having built a useful theological foundation, they then proceed to review and critique the leading developmental theories including psychoanalytic (Freud), object relations (Winnicott), symbolic interaction (Mead), social learning (Bandura), cognitive development (Piaget) and social context and scaffolding (Vygotksy) theories.

Next, they explore the relational developmental systems paradigm which emphasizes human development occurring through the mutually influential relations between individuals and their temporal ecological associations. This theoretical system is then applied to the various lifespan stages in part 2. The book ends with a discussion of reciprocating spirituality, differentiated faith and reciprocating community.

The authors are transparent about their presuppositions including the use of non-reductive physicalism in place of the traditional holistic dualism. Additionally, they operate within the protestant/evangelical school of thought and their theory seems to be dependent upon the relational interpretation of Imago Dei instead of constitutive or functional views.

Yet, even with these considerations, a fundamental question may still remain whether or not reciprocity is truly the peak of human telos according to the full testimony of Christian scripture. The sacrificial (agape) love modelled by Christ in scripture appears to be better characterized as altruism (or at the very least reciprocal altruism) instead of pure reciprocity though it is acknowledged that this criticism may simply be a semantic issue. Moreover, standing at ~350 pages, the book is dense, the vocabulary can be quite technical, the discussion is weighty and the reader is bombarded with a host of new concepts – all of which limits the accessibility to the general populace (or even the typical college student). In many ways, it exceeds my own ability to reasonably offer a comprehensive analysis.

Nevertheless, the theory remains persuasive and I think that the book is a useful addition to the Christian literature, partially modelling the scholarly, evidence-based, integration between the Christian worldview and vocation I hope others would embrace. I recommend it for all Christian mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists and licensed counsellors) with the caveat that it may take time to digest the theory offered in part 1 and part 2 may be better served as a reference.

Rating: 4.5/5

Originally published at https://www.maygp.org/reviews

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The Reciprocating Self,” responds to and rejects the modern construct that sees the self as empty, the book provides “an alternative view of selfhood — the reciprocating self” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Locations139-140). The empty self construct returns development theories that are fragmented and lack a unifying theorem. “Developmental teleology refers to developmental completeness or a theologically informed understanding of the goal of development” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Location 108).

In “the Reciprocating Self,” the authors progress this notion that God has a goal for our development. The baseline assumption is that we are created by God for a purpose. The authors depart from secular developmental psychology positions that understand human development to be the result of evolution, environment, or social context. Modern psychology endeavors to evaluate human behavior and human development in terms of what is normative. They seek to answer the questions, “What is normal?” and “What is deviant?”

But extracting God from human development story creates a problem. “The modern project has become the modern predicament, resulting in an era of fragmented, lonely, isolated people. One of the main moves of modernity has been to displace God from the transcendent to the immanent sphere, shifting the locus of the divine from a God who is Other to impersonal forces within the human mind and will-into human subjectivity” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Locations 128-130).

Understanding who we are and who we should be begins with creation. “So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Gen 1:27). To be human is to be shaped in God’s image. To be shaped in God’s image implies we are called to relationship with God and with one another. God’s image as expressed in the trinity is relational.

Only in relationship can we find our shape. Jesus’ prayer in John affirms this relational dynamic. “Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one… I ask not only on behalf of these, but also on behalf of those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us” (John 17:11, 20-21). The goal of development involves developing the self in relationship to God and to others. The authors quote James Torrance, “What we need today is a better understanding of the person not just as an individual but as someone who finds his or her true being-in-communion with God and with others, the counterpart of a Trinitarian doctrine of God” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Locations 152-153).

Balswick, King, & Reimer return a biblical model that “allows us to assess the human self as an interactive being.” They identify this “as the reciprocating self — the self that, in all its uniqueness and fullness of being, engages fully in relationship with another in all its particularity” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Locations 160-161). It is this assessment that allows us as individuals to engage in our own development of self with a goal in view. What do theologically normative relationships look like that allow healthy development? The authors draw on Martin Buber and return that “I-Thou” relationships best articulate the kind of relationship that moves our development forward. “This supposes an authentic personal encounter of both the I and the Thou. One is not dominant; the other is not inferior. The relationship is characterized especially by the reciprocity of communication” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Locations 428-429). Jesus returns a similar high standard but uses love as the pivot point. “He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matt 22:37-39).

The weakness of the approach in “The Reciprocating Self” is that it does not propose actions we can take to nurture the reciprocity that results in a whole self. In other words, it lacks a prescription. Nevertheless, there is an implied challenge for us to understand that we are not designed to be empty, isolated selves. Drawing on Stanley Grenz we understand that “relationality as the key aspect of being human” (Balswick, King, & Reimer, Kindle Location 148). The context of our relationality is critical for transforming our self.

The first aspect of our relationality that shapes us is that we do not have a God that is distant. We can have relationship with him and that intimacy must be our baseline. Psalm 139 demonstrates the comprehensive nature of this intimacy:

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away
7 Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
13 For it was you [God] who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb

God created us with intentionality and purpose. The significant application of the psalm is that we have a God that sees. He sees me and He sees us. He takes actions to establish and maintain our relationship. He has always been the initiator. And we are transformed as we interact directly with the living God. “And all of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit” (2 Cor 3:18).

The second aspect of our relationality involves our relationship to one another. We are not called to be independent of each other but called to be present with each other. Jesus exhorts us. “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another” (John 13:34). Love is the component that shapes the relationship toward reciprocity.

Both independent and interdependent constructs of self face challenges of acculturation as our self-definition shifts toward a theological, image of God, and reflection of reciprocity. Those with an independent self-image must move away from our ego-centric posture and be truly present with others. For David Foster Wallace this is a move toward compassion. “The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day” (Wallace, David Foster. “This is Water.” Commencement Speech to Kenyon College class of 2005). We must be intentional and active in shaping our self toward reciprocity.

In all cases to follow Christ is a call to sacrifice and surrender. His goal for our development is to be transformed to his image. We might exhibit different selves. We might maintain a self that connects us to our earthly family and relationships and native culture and another self that Paul calls the “the new self, created according to the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ep 4:24). But through the process of time as we embrace Christ’ mission in the world our self on display will be the self He is transforming us into.

[Dena McGoldrick Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book put language to questions I didn't even know I had. I loved how it roots human development in the Trinitarian idea of "being and becoming," showing how we grow best from a secure foundation of being loved and known. The section on differentiation really resonated with me, in that the more grounded you are in who you are, the deeper your capacity for intimacy. I appreciated how the authors applied this to churches, showing how they (like people) fall somewhere on the spectrum between enmeshed and differentiated.

What also stood out was how the authors walked through the major developmental theories for each stage of life, psychological, social and spiritual, and set them side by side with the reciprocating self framework. Instead of rejecting accepted research, they built upon it, demonstrating how faith and theology can enrich and deepen our understanding of human growth.

Reading this book stretched me both academically and spiritually in the best way. It helped me see how I can integrate what I believe with how I live, love and connect with others.

[Moises · Rating 4 out of 5]

The main focus of my reading was on the presentation of human life cycle development theories. The authors presented the classic theories, new research and a theological perspective on the different stages of life.

"One of the main purposes of this book is to provide a theological perspective of psychological approaches to human development." That is, a Christian perspective based on Scripture. I found the model of the reciprocating self both fascinating and useful.

I have not yet read Buber's work, but his is one of the foundations in which this theory is built upon. "Relation is reciprocity." I guess I'll be reading Buber's work soon to find out more.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is really interesting and stimulating and very good in part. However I had a problem with the authors' reliance on a social trinitarian model and a definition of spirituality that I disagree with. But much good here.

[Caroline Abbott · Rating 2 out of 5]

While there were a few good ideas in this book, it did not really add much to my knowledge of human development

[Nathan Nadeau · Rating 4 out of 5]

very compelling

[Noah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book, and I’ll bet it’s even better once you understand the whole thing!

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The textbook for a subject I did mid-year. An easier read than expected for a psychology / theology text. Many truths and insights.