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The Spring before Obergefell
It’s not easy for anyone to find love, let alone a middle-aged gay man in small-town America. Mike Breck works multiple part-time jobs and bickers constantly with his father, an angry conservative who moved in after Mike’s mother died. When he’s not working or avoiding his father, Mike burns time on hookup apps, not looking for anything more. Then he meets a local guy, Dave, just as lonely as he is, and starts to think that maybe he doesn’t have to be alone. Mike falls hard, and in a moment of intimacy, his pent-up hopes for a relationship rush out, leading him to look more honestly at himself and his future.
Winner of the James Alan McPherson Prize for the Novel, Ben Grossberg’s The Spring before Obergefell is about real guys who have real problems, yet still manage to find connection. Funny, serious, meditative, and hopeful, The Spring before Obergefell is a romance—but not a fairytale.
Winner of the James Alan McPherson Prize for the Novel, Ben Grossberg’s The Spring before Obergefell is about real guys who have real problems, yet still manage to find connection. Funny, serious, meditative, and hopeful, The Spring before Obergefell is a romance—but not a fairytale.
254 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2024
7 people are currently reading
276 people want to read
About the author
Benjamin S. Grossberg
16 books14 followersBenjamin S. Grossberg's latest collection of poetry, My Husband Would (University of Tampa Press, 2020), won the 2021 Connecticut Book Award in poetry and was a Foreword INDIES Book of the Year. His other collections include Space Traveler (University of Tampa Press, 2014) and Sweet Core Orchard (University of Tampa Press, 2009), winner of the 2008 Tampa Review Prize and the 2009 Lambda Literary Award for poetry. He is also the author of a novel, The Spring Before Obergefell (University of Nebraska Press, 2024), which won the AWP Award Series James Alan McPherson Prize and the 2025 Lambda Literary Award for Gay Romance. His poems have appeared widely, including in The Pushcart Prize and Best American Poetry anthologies. He also co-edited the anthology, The Poetry of Capital (University of Wisconsin Press, 2021), which curates poems that address the economic challenges of our moment. Ben is Director of Creative Writing at the University of Hartford.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
October 21, 2024
Something special, which deserves much more attention than it's gotten so far.
Mike Breck, the narrator and protagonist, is a 50-year-old gay man living in small-town Ohio. He cobbles together a scant living out of handyman work, a part-time job at Lowe's, and an adjunct gig at the local community college. His elderly, ill-tempered Republican father has lived with him since Mike's mother died. He's had plenty of hookups and he spends plenty of time chatting with variously located men on apps, but he's never had a long-term relationship; he's not sure he wants one and anyway he's pretty sure he's incapable of such a thing. Fortunately, he meets two men, Matteo and Dave, and his relationships with them quietly dynamite his assumptions; meanwhile, his father's new absolutely-not-girlfriend, Beth, is busy blowing up his dad's.
The Spring Before Obergefell is a love story, and it does end happily, so I'm calling it a romance, and I will insist that that's a compliment. Mike's romance becomes possible because -- well, it's not that he panics, exactly, but his awareness of how and why he's allowed his emotional life to close down reaches critical mass. This is partly thanks to Matteo, who can be breathtakingly acerbic in his judgments and isn't, I think, always correct in them -- but he forces Mike to ask himself essential questions, and he requires an honesty and vulnerability that Mike hasn't allowed himself in a long time, or maybe ever. And it's partly because of Dave.
Dave feels right to Mike almost from their first meeting. This doesn't make anything easy, as we discover when Mike pours out his sense of hope and possibility to Dave. I was sorely, sorely tempted to check the ending, so I could brace myself in case things went as badly as I feared. Don't let yourself be tempted: let Mike's fear, struggle, hope carry you along.
As usual, I didn't need or particularly want the epilogue, but its last paragraphs are beautiful so all is forgiven. Please read this unusual and moving book.
Thanks to the U of Nebraska Press and NetGalley.
ETA: The digital list price for The Spring Before Obergefell is startlingly high for those of us used to traditional publishing and self-publishing. Ben Grossberg dropped by this review to let potential readers know there's a coupon code: 40% with code 6AF24 at nebraskapress.unl.edu. That brings the price in line with what non-academic publishers are charging for, e.g., Freya Marske's books. 🎉
Mike Breck, the narrator and protagonist, is a 50-year-old gay man living in small-town Ohio. He cobbles together a scant living out of handyman work, a part-time job at Lowe's, and an adjunct gig at the local community college. His elderly, ill-tempered Republican father has lived with him since Mike's mother died. He's had plenty of hookups and he spends plenty of time chatting with variously located men on apps, but he's never had a long-term relationship; he's not sure he wants one and anyway he's pretty sure he's incapable of such a thing. Fortunately, he meets two men, Matteo and Dave, and his relationships with them quietly dynamite his assumptions; meanwhile, his father's new absolutely-not-girlfriend, Beth, is busy blowing up his dad's.
The Spring Before Obergefell is a love story, and it does end happily, so I'm calling it a romance, and I will insist that that's a compliment. Mike's romance becomes possible because -- well, it's not that he panics, exactly, but his awareness of how and why he's allowed his emotional life to close down reaches critical mass. This is partly thanks to Matteo, who can be breathtakingly acerbic in his judgments and isn't, I think, always correct in them -- but he forces Mike to ask himself essential questions, and he requires an honesty and vulnerability that Mike hasn't allowed himself in a long time, or maybe ever. And it's partly because of Dave.
Dave feels right to Mike almost from their first meeting. This doesn't make anything easy, as we discover when Mike pours out his sense of hope and possibility to Dave. I was sorely, sorely tempted to check the ending, so I could brace myself in case things went as badly as I feared. Don't let yourself be tempted: let Mike's fear, struggle, hope carry you along.
As usual, I didn't need or particularly want the epilogue, but its last paragraphs are beautiful so all is forgiven. Please read this unusual and moving book.
Thanks to the U of Nebraska Press and NetGalley.
ETA: The digital list price for The Spring Before Obergefell is startlingly high for those of us used to traditional publishing and self-publishing. Ben Grossberg dropped by this review to let potential readers know there's a coupon code: 40% with code 6AF24 at nebraskapress.unl.edu. That brings the price in line with what non-academic publishers are charging for, e.g., Freya Marske's books. 🎉
November 19, 2024
For a short book this took me a relatively long time to get through.
That was in no way due to the writing, which was clear and unobtrusive. And insightful now and then. And the back half of the book is fantastic, even if it ended a little earlier than I might have liked.
I can not, however, give it full marks, as the first third was a bit… well, let’s just say I found myself picking up another book, another short book, in fact, that is itself taking me even longer to get through, though for very different reasons.
The problem, I think, is that while Mike and his situation are relatable, what we’re getting at first is his life as it was, and Mike seems utterly content with it. No angst, and no hook, no tension, no suspense. Not until Dave orders a coffee, and the whole water heater situation is there a question pulling me forward, and I must say my imagined answers were far more dramatic than anything the book gave me, right up until the very end.
But I’m glad I stuck it out. There is something special about the book. I read more m/m romance than proper gay fiction, and Mike’s not the sort of character you find in that genre, which is kind of a shame.
Recommended, but mind your expectations.
That was in no way due to the writing, which was clear and unobtrusive. And insightful now and then. And the back half of the book is fantastic, even if it ended a little earlier than I might have liked.
I can not, however, give it full marks, as the first third was a bit… well, let’s just say I found myself picking up another book, another short book, in fact, that is itself taking me even longer to get through, though for very different reasons.
The problem, I think, is that while Mike and his situation are relatable, what we’re getting at first is his life as it was, and Mike seems utterly content with it. No angst, and no hook, no tension, no suspense. Not until Dave orders a coffee, and the whole water heater situation is there a question pulling me forward, and I must say my imagined answers were far more dramatic than anything the book gave me, right up until the very end.
But I’m glad I stuck it out. There is something special about the book. I read more m/m romance than proper gay fiction, and Mike’s not the sort of character you find in that genre, which is kind of a shame.
Recommended, but mind your expectations.
November 5, 2024
It’s strange how a book like this—small-town rural Ohio circa 2015—can feel like an artifact of the past and yet an ongoing present. Mike is middle-aged, gay, single, and lost, with no cultural script for how someone like him can find connection and happiness. He believes the best he can hope for is hookup apps and casual flings, until he meets the capricious Matteo and the enigmatic Dave, who each challenge him in different ways.
What stood out to me is that, just like Mike without a script, this book has no formula. It’s not a romance that would fit in that genre; it’s not quite litfic of a midlife crisis either. It feels like it’s mapping new terrain, page by page, stuck when Mike is stuck, forging new paths as Mike forges them, unpredictable the way real life is. It could have gone any number of ways right up until the end, which makes the outcome all the more poignant. As another review on Goodreads says, it opens up portals of possibility, with a tough conversations along the way. I like that. I like the idea that those portals are there to find. New scripts to be written, new paths to forge, new maps to make. With a bit of guts, with a bit of love, with a bit of honesty and vulnerability. May we all be so brave.
ARC kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
What stood out to me is that, just like Mike without a script, this book has no formula. It’s not a romance that would fit in that genre; it’s not quite litfic of a midlife crisis either. It feels like it’s mapping new terrain, page by page, stuck when Mike is stuck, forging new paths as Mike forges them, unpredictable the way real life is. It could have gone any number of ways right up until the end, which makes the outcome all the more poignant. As another review on Goodreads says, it opens up portals of possibility, with a tough conversations along the way. I like that. I like the idea that those portals are there to find. New scripts to be written, new paths to forge, new maps to make. With a bit of guts, with a bit of love, with a bit of honesty and vulnerability. May we all be so brave.
ARC kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
February 4, 2026
But they're more or less his friends now. I ask if he's out to them, and he shouts, "Hey, Alice," without turning his head. Alice is sitting behind us, smoking a cigarette. Dave introduced us earlier, when he handed her a mug. "Anyone here a homo?"Although I'm gay, I don't (these days) read much gay-related material. The bulk of such reading was in my high school days. The reason for that has to do with the advice to writers, "Write what you know."; readers aren't told to read what they know.
She shouts back, "You. And we're not too sure about Jody."
On top of that, a good deal of contemporary gay stories - on-screen and in books - tends to be more along the lines of either fantasy or first-love tales... and, oddly, the audience for these can quite often be young women (!).
Obviously, I know what it is to be a gay man. But I knew less about what it was like to grow up gay in the midwest (esp. at the time depicted in this novel). So, as it turns out, I happened upon an interview with the author - and his angle with the story helped to reel me in.
Grossberg's tale of being older and gay and in the midwest and somewhat disillusioned with 'how it all turned out' is a respectable read. I found the author engaging as a storyteller. He presented a mundane life in a way that doesn't *read* as mundane - but, rather, as instructive and illuminating.
As a reader, I might have wanted a little more to happen in the story (if the novel feels slightly 'flawed', that may be due to some of its unavoidable longueurs) - but, having now lived a good many years in the midwest, I recognize that the way Grossberg lays things out is the way that reality tends to play out in America's center. (I've often thought that, in significant ways, America's center can feel like the America of over 50 years ago; certainly in terms of being gay.)
Whereas some readers may find 'TSBO' slow-going, it just felt leisurely to me. And well-observed. Grossberg certainly knows and understands not only gay male-types but the male types who are unsure of themselves and their sexuality. Or, if not unsure of the latter, are hesitant in believing that an intimate relationship between two men can develop into an ever-deepening bond.
Perhaps where Grossberg succeeds most is in the portraits of his people. His cast of characters reads as real. I particularly bought the depiction of protagonist Mike Breck and his navigation of life at home with the father who moves back in after becoming a widower. How the father - being of a less-tolerant generation - deals in a pragmatic way with a gay son is refreshing, even somewhat charming.
'TSBO' is a sort-of nervous romance; the tentative nature of that is plausible. Some moments are amusing, others are intensely awkward if not exactly tense. And there are also at least two presentations of wild sexual abandon. Fine by me!
November 5, 2025
Absolutely loved, might be my favorite of the year. I feel alarmingly seen. I feel like I have been searching for this book. This was... very recognizable as the future (present?) I could see for myself and I didn't realize how badly I needed it painted in a hopeful light.
December 28, 2025
Loved this story of a single middle-aged midwestern man navigating gay life, economic insecurity and his relationship with his retired, cantankerous father. Beautifully written, sexy, empathic, insightful—it's all those good things and more.
April 2, 2025
The Spring Before Obergfell is a gay romance but also a novel about middle-aged ennui with a powerful central metaphor comparing playing poker with online dating/settling down. The prose are gorgeous and had me counting syllables at time to see where he was slipping in iambic pentameter.
December 24, 2024
4.75 stars rounded up to 5 because it's exactly the type of story I've always wanted to read, yet it rarely gets told in the romance genre.
January 10, 2025
Strong narrative voice; a great example of a first person narrative that really works
Strong first person narrative voice. However, the narrator’s vision is a bit too narrow to the point where you start to feel a bit claustrophobic. Also, there is some really explicit sex, which seems orchestrated more for effect rather than a necessary element in the novel. Explicit sex really needs a raison d’etre. Otherwise it feels as though it’s done for shock value. Twenty-five or thirty years ago, when gay fiction needed to show the world the romance of sex and the erotic nature of love between men, these kinds of sex scenes were more vital. But we’ve moved on from then, and because gay sex has become so mainstream, there seems to be less need to put it front and center.
Strong first person narrative voice. However, the narrator’s vision is a bit too narrow to the point where you start to feel a bit claustrophobic. Also, there is some really explicit sex, which seems orchestrated more for effect rather than a necessary element in the novel. Explicit sex really needs a raison d’etre. Otherwise it feels as though it’s done for shock value. Twenty-five or thirty years ago, when gay fiction needed to show the world the romance of sex and the erotic nature of love between men, these kinds of sex scenes were more vital. But we’ve moved on from then, and because gay sex has become so mainstream, there seems to be less need to put it front and center.
September 29, 2024
It's late winter/early spring in 2015. Mike is nearly 50 and he's lost. He teaches English classes at a local college part-time, works at Lowe's, and picks up a handyman job here and there to help make ends meet. He lives in a house he bought years ago, and his father moved in with him three years ago after his mother died.
Mike and his father have always had a strained relationship, but they tolerate each other while sharing the home together, although they spend most of the time apart in different parts of the house. Mike isn't sure that he wants more, but he is positive that this life isn't working for him.
He spends a lot of time on a hookup app, chatting with random guys around the world, but struggles to make a connection with any of them. A tryst with a younger guy named Josh goes awry when Josh's partner Gary shows up at Mike's house demanding that Josh come home with him. Mike and Josh only got together for the physical aspects of hooking up rather than any emotional connection. Mike starts to realize that maybe he does need more than just sex with another guy.
The problem for Mike is that he doesn't really know how to have a relationship with a man that goes beyond the physical. He grew up with a father who was always at work, and when he was home often expressed anger and rage toward Mike and his older sister as well as to their mom. This is really the only male-to-male relationship Mike has ever had, and it damaged him so much he doesn't really believe that it's possible.
But then Mike meets Dave in a parking lot, and there's a hint that sparks may fly. He also meets Matt, the brother of a women that Mike had done a handyman project for. Mike and Matt have a date that ends with them having sex at Matt's place. Mike isn't sure what his feelings are for Matt, and although he's curious about Dave, he isn't sure whether Dave is even gay or interested in him. But he wants to find out.
To avoid spoilers, I'll stop the synopsis here. I love a book where you can see and feel the growth of the main character, and this book is all about Mike's growth as a human and a man. Grossberg's prose is phenomenal, detailing all the internal struggles that Mike is going through. It is written in first person from Mike's perspective, so you know exactly what he is thinking at every moment. He is awkward and sometimes makes bad choices, but he learns from his mistakes.
At around 240 pages, this book is an easy read and a relatable one as well. It feels bigger and richer. I didn't want it to end. The conversations between the characters felt real and raw. There are deep themes in this book about what it means to be a human being, and how to develop empathy when you've never experienced it firsthand. In order to have friends, you need to be a friend first. I'm so grateful to have found this book and will be recommending it to all my reader friends!
Mike and his father have always had a strained relationship, but they tolerate each other while sharing the home together, although they spend most of the time apart in different parts of the house. Mike isn't sure that he wants more, but he is positive that this life isn't working for him.
He spends a lot of time on a hookup app, chatting with random guys around the world, but struggles to make a connection with any of them. A tryst with a younger guy named Josh goes awry when Josh's partner Gary shows up at Mike's house demanding that Josh come home with him. Mike and Josh only got together for the physical aspects of hooking up rather than any emotional connection. Mike starts to realize that maybe he does need more than just sex with another guy.
The problem for Mike is that he doesn't really know how to have a relationship with a man that goes beyond the physical. He grew up with a father who was always at work, and when he was home often expressed anger and rage toward Mike and his older sister as well as to their mom. This is really the only male-to-male relationship Mike has ever had, and it damaged him so much he doesn't really believe that it's possible.
But then Mike meets Dave in a parking lot, and there's a hint that sparks may fly. He also meets Matt, the brother of a women that Mike had done a handyman project for. Mike and Matt have a date that ends with them having sex at Matt's place. Mike isn't sure what his feelings are for Matt, and although he's curious about Dave, he isn't sure whether Dave is even gay or interested in him. But he wants to find out.
To avoid spoilers, I'll stop the synopsis here. I love a book where you can see and feel the growth of the main character, and this book is all about Mike's growth as a human and a man. Grossberg's prose is phenomenal, detailing all the internal struggles that Mike is going through. It is written in first person from Mike's perspective, so you know exactly what he is thinking at every moment. He is awkward and sometimes makes bad choices, but he learns from his mistakes.
At around 240 pages, this book is an easy read and a relatable one as well. It feels bigger and richer. I didn't want it to end. The conversations between the characters felt real and raw. There are deep themes in this book about what it means to be a human being, and how to develop empathy when you've never experienced it firsthand. In order to have friends, you need to be a friend first. I'm so grateful to have found this book and will be recommending it to all my reader friends!
November 20, 2024
The Spring Before Obergefel by Benjamin.S. Grossberg is a delightful story about middle-age Mike trying to find his way through dating apps only to meeting the two men that would change everything organically while also caring for his elderly father. From a serious health scare to his tentative dating life this made for such a great read. The book is set in 2015 I love the overall easy flow of the narrative Mike’s complicated relationship with his dad and his own self doubt about his mini part-time jobs and just as many lovers. This is a thoughtful story that I am so glad I got to read. I just want to add I could not at all after reading the book workout the title and then when I did I felt like a complete idiot!#NetGalley, #BenjaminSGrossberg, #TheSpringBeforeObergefel,
December 28, 2025
It took me far too long to finish this book because I kept putting it down. When I read the sample pages, I was really excited to read this book since it focused on an older gay man who didn't live a fabulous life in New York or California, but worked low-wage gig jobs in Ohio. Unfortunately, the story of Mike Breck's life just didn't hold my interest. The chapters dragged as he taught English comp classes at the community college, worked at Lowe's, dealt with his angry father, and searched for love online. Mike was a living, breathing Schleprock from the old Flintstones cartoons. Basically, he was a depressed guy. I felt sorry for him and I wanted the best for him, but I just did not find his story interesting as a novel. The Spring before Obergefell was just a churn of this guy's boring daily life: he went to work, he argued with his dad, he tried to hook up with a guy and it didn't work out. Wash, rinse, repeat. I would certainly read another book by Grossberg because I think he's a very good writer, but this book just didn't work for me.
August 14, 2024
Mike is a middle-aged gay man living in a small town in the Midwest. And just with that small bit of information, I had a connection to this story.
He’s spent his life avoiding relationships and just existed on hookups. But he’s realizing that there’s more to life that he wants. He wants someone to spend the rest of his life with. But that’s not easy to find, especially in a small town.
To make matters more interesting, Mike’s father lives with him. The two kinda mix like oil and water at times, but having each other is a good thing.
I really loved following Mike on his journey to find love, and the struggles when he found resistance from the man that has caught his eye.
As I enter my middle-age years, I find so many aspects of this book relatable. It was a wonderful read, that gives me hope for my own future relationships.
This is definitely one you should read.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher/author for this copy of the book.
He’s spent his life avoiding relationships and just existed on hookups. But he’s realizing that there’s more to life that he wants. He wants someone to spend the rest of his life with. But that’s not easy to find, especially in a small town.
To make matters more interesting, Mike’s father lives with him. The two kinda mix like oil and water at times, but having each other is a good thing.
I really loved following Mike on his journey to find love, and the struggles when he found resistance from the man that has caught his eye.
As I enter my middle-age years, I find so many aspects of this book relatable. It was a wonderful read, that gives me hope for my own future relationships.
This is definitely one you should read.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher/author for this copy of the book.
February 5, 2026
Somehow this totally hit my nerve. I liked the characters, I liked the humour, I liked the story, I liked the writing. I would have wished for a different ending, possibly, as in: would have found it more realistic, but (spoilers ahead) I'm not gonna complain that there seems to be love and contentness, at least in this book for this one main character (and his beloved).
And there we're in a discussion in terms of content, and it's possibly the all too realistic and rational me says, how can Mike's hard-headedness be succesfull, I mean, for weeks he is not contacting Dave and then he confronts him and makes so many assumptions about Dave's weeknesses and fears and such, and it works! Like, in reality Dave would have to ghost him or chicken out and hopefully Mike would have to peu a peu realize that actually the cute and witty and active and easygoing Matteo is actually a better partner. But well, love happens, and you'd rather fall for the mysterious guy than the available nice guy. Or not? In the end, it's a story.
I also liked the matter of factedness of the gay thing. Like, the dad having some problems with it that are only slowly going away, but gay life gets presented as just the ordinary thing it is, and the lonely way it can get when you get older, with the chatting on apps to guys who are too far away anyway. There, it's so nice that the love works out. All in all, The Spring before Obergefell is among my five favorite gay books. Yay.
And there we're in a discussion in terms of content, and it's possibly the all too realistic and rational me says, how can Mike's hard-headedness be succesfull, I mean, for weeks he is not contacting Dave and then he confronts him and makes so many assumptions about Dave's weeknesses and fears and such, and it works! Like, in reality Dave would have to ghost him or chicken out and hopefully Mike would have to peu a peu realize that actually the cute and witty and active and easygoing Matteo is actually a better partner. But well, love happens, and you'd rather fall for the mysterious guy than the available nice guy. Or not? In the end, it's a story.
I also liked the matter of factedness of the gay thing. Like, the dad having some problems with it that are only slowly going away, but gay life gets presented as just the ordinary thing it is, and the lonely way it can get when you get older, with the chatting on apps to guys who are too far away anyway. There, it's so nice that the love works out. All in all, The Spring before Obergefell is among my five favorite gay books. Yay.
November 11, 2024
Maybe 4.5 stars. I found it refreshing to read a story about a middle-aged gay man (who is my age) who isn't rich, or in the closet, or hurting in some tragic way. Mike is a guy who works a few jobs to make ends meet, lives with his dad, and has kind of accepted that he's not meant to have a long term relationship and just enjoys the occasional hook-up. Then he meets a man who changes what he thought was possible for his future, and he struggles to allow himself to believe that he could be with this man. I would argue that the last third of the book drags a bit as Mike debates with himself how he should handle his situation. But it was one of the most realistic accounts of how a 50 year old man might approach the possibility of a long relationship.
Mike's father constantly reminds him that he was in a 58 year long marriage, which provides a stark contrast to Mike's life. Mike suggests that he has missed a real life -- the time from his 20s to his 50s -- just building the life he has now. That his life changes in the spring of 2015 -- the spring before Obergefell -- is symbolic. Just as he realizes that he can have a real relationship, millions of other men and women found themselves in a world they did not imagine was possible, where they could marry the person they loved. That spring was full of new possibilities for so many people.
Mike's father constantly reminds him that he was in a 58 year long marriage, which provides a stark contrast to Mike's life. Mike suggests that he has missed a real life -- the time from his 20s to his 50s -- just building the life he has now. That his life changes in the spring of 2015 -- the spring before Obergefell -- is symbolic. Just as he realizes that he can have a real relationship, millions of other men and women found themselves in a world they did not imagine was possible, where they could marry the person they loved. That spring was full of new possibilities for so many people.
November 10, 2024
So much of this novel feels relatable: I moved back to Ohio in my 50s and ended up living for a while in my mother's house, working at a Big Box store and trying to figure out the next chapter of my life while feeling that perhaps there would not be one, that the window of opportunity had closed for me. So I feel wells of empathy for the protagonist, Mike. I recognize the tiptoe-dance of living out while under the roof of an aging parent. Rural setting? Check. Addictive cruising apps? Check. But I envy Mike's ability to recognize and express (if only internally at times) his emotions, even if they are often ambivalent. Sometimes thinking too much about feeling inhibits action (in life, as well as in the novel).
Well-drawn characters. I especially like Beth, and Matteo is refreshing in his playfulness and directness--the kind of friend one should treasure. This novel pulled me along as it made its way and held my interest right to the end. I've long been a fan of Ben's poetry; now I am hoping he will write more fiction.
Well-drawn characters. I especially like Beth, and Matteo is refreshing in his playfulness and directness--the kind of friend one should treasure. This novel pulled me along as it made its way and held my interest right to the end. I've long been a fan of Ben's poetry; now I am hoping he will write more fiction.
February 25, 2026
Well-written heartfelt gay novel about a 50 year old man living outside Dayton Ohio, the spring before Obergefell. We read about Mike's fragmentary, pieced-together life. He's got multiple part-time jobs as he scrambles to keep up with bills, while spending mindless hours on the apps. Somehow he has managed to buy his own dilapidated house where his widowed father now also resides.
Looking forward and backwards on his life so far, he's wondering what more there can be. The reader wonders too and is along for the ride as he stumbles, tilting into the future.
The novel is about a lot of other things too. The great American divide of the 21C, addictive behaviors, the meaning of family and connection, the fear of being seen, the role work plays in a life, crippling anxiety, toxic masculinity, self-sabotage and the inability of people to see any perspective than their own.
After reading a series of MM novels with guaranteed HEAs this served as a strong dose of smelling salts. Very refreshing.
Looking forward and backwards on his life so far, he's wondering what more there can be. The reader wonders too and is along for the ride as he stumbles, tilting into the future.
The novel is about a lot of other things too. The great American divide of the 21C, addictive behaviors, the meaning of family and connection, the fear of being seen, the role work plays in a life, crippling anxiety, toxic masculinity, self-sabotage and the inability of people to see any perspective than their own.
After reading a series of MM novels with guaranteed HEAs this served as a strong dose of smelling salts. Very refreshing.
October 29, 2024
This book deserves much more attention and praise than it has received thus far. I think the exploration of a queer story from a middle-aged protagonist is such an intriguing point of view that we don't get nearly enough of. The story had me wondering what stories we never had the chance to read since so many people the age of the protagonist were lost to the AIDS epidemic. Please take a chance to explore this novel if the premise intrigues you, it is worth the time.
Thank you to the author, the publisher, and Netgalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Thank you to the author, the publisher, and Netgalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
August 5, 2025
This book is so good, simple yet full of feeling. I opened it just-to-try and ended up reading 5 hrs on one workday (then worked until midnight).
I live in the north of Cincy, only 1 hr from Dayton where the MC lives. Lots of scenes felt super close to me. As a first-generation Asian immigrant in a Midwestern town, I totally get that sense of isolation and not really belonging. The loneliness and drifting vibe hit hard.
The last two chapters were a bit harder to read, maybe because the book is sooo immersive. In Mike’s "fearless action", I can feel his tension and anxiety myself. The ending cuts off suddenly but feels just right.
I live in the north of Cincy, only 1 hr from Dayton where the MC lives. Lots of scenes felt super close to me. As a first-generation Asian immigrant in a Midwestern town, I totally get that sense of isolation and not really belonging. The loneliness and drifting vibe hit hard.
The last two chapters were a bit harder to read, maybe because the book is sooo immersive. In Mike’s "fearless action", I can feel his tension and anxiety myself. The ending cuts off suddenly but feels just right.
January 31, 2026
The tone worked very well, tonal shift towards the middle had me quaking.
Proses so minimal that pack punches where it should, the kind of which only poets could write.
Liked the treatment of Mike's relationship with his dad, realistic yet poignant comments on generational trauma and our constant quiet negotiations with it.
But Mike gotta be so blind to istg the greed of man.
Matt is so cute pls write a spinoff I beggg
Proses so minimal that pack punches where it should, the kind of which only poets could write.
Liked the treatment of Mike's relationship with his dad, realistic yet poignant comments on generational trauma and our constant quiet negotiations with it.
But Mike gotta be so blind to istg the greed of man.
Matt is so cute pls write a spinoff I beggg
April 19, 2025
Such a stunning book. About Mike Breck, a gay man in Dayton who has not been in a long-term relationship for many years. He meets Dave and he feels a connection he has not had for many years. Dave is afraid of being in a relationship and leaves. Mike wants to pursue it and finally overcomes his own problems with communication so that they can talk. The epilogue is lovely.
August 13, 2024
Getting real with oneself, getting real in the Midwest, getting real with family and with romance, especially later in life. Tough conversations happen in this story, and if they strike a reader as impossible, maybe they can serve as portals of possibility.
November 3, 2024
This was just wonderful. I read it quickly - an engaging cast of characters, simple unadorned language and a wish to see how the various relationships resolved made it a page turner. But I will revisit to savour the beautiful writing and its skill in developing its themes, especially that of the difficulties, dangers and rewards of honesty. And cos I loved the main character Mike.
Read
February 8, 2026This was unfortunately like reading someone's not-very-interesting journal entries. I discovered the author after admiring his poem in The New Criterion, so I'm surprised that I didn't come across even one intriguing metaphor or turn of phrase in this novel. Stopped at page 90.
December 12, 2024
Took me a while to like Mike, and, despite his neurotic tendencies, I ended up liking him a lot. Good to read about characters in mid-life making big decisions about their future.
August 23, 2025
Not a romcom but an amazing, deeply insightful, thought provoking, heartwarming journey, experienced all the lonely, fear, desire and suffer for love in my past, current and future.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 7, 2025
This was spare and moving; unexpectedly very funny at times. Well done, Mr. Grossberg; please write more.
February 1, 2026
unique and relatably realistic (i see my future) imo the ending was dramatic and not my taste and also kind of rushed. honestly would not have minded if they didn’t get back together in the end. i would’ve liked to see how life after obergefell was like for them together, but that’s just pickiness. woof.
my favorite quote:
“At some point in your life, you begin to see yourself differently, not only as a sort of ahistorical consciousness, but also as a pattern of actions. You might be your consciousness, sure. But an equally good case can be made that you’re the pattern, that you can characterize a ship by describing the wake it leaves in the water.”
my favorite quote:
“At some point in your life, you begin to see yourself differently, not only as a sort of ahistorical consciousness, but also as a pattern of actions. You might be your consciousness, sure. But an equally good case can be made that you’re the pattern, that you can characterize a ship by describing the wake it leaves in the water.”
February 2, 2026
3.5 Stars — A beautiful and rare story about navigating love and sexuality as a middle-aged man in conservative, midwest America. Set before the landmark case, Obergefell vs. Hodges, the narrative is heavily influenced by the sociopolitical tensions of the time. Honest, vulnerable, incredibly real and confronting--I found this to be very important prose. We so often capture love in its youth, we rarely ever give the thought that love could be found later in life, which this book celebrates.
Full review to come
Full review to come
October 5, 2025
SHORTLISTED FOR THE 37TH Lambda Literary Awards for Gay Romance.
Rating: 4.5* of five
The Publisher Says: It’s not easy for anyone to find love, let alone a middle-aged gay man in small-town America. Mike Breck works multiple part-time jobs and bickers constantly with his father, an angry conservative who moved in after Mike’s mother died. When he’s not working or avoiding his father, Mike burns time on hookup apps, not looking for anything more. Then he meets a local guy, Dave, just as lonely as he is, and starts to think that maybe he doesn’t have to be alone. Mike falls hard, and in a moment of intimacy, his pent-up hopes for a relationship rush out, leading him to look more honestly at himself and his future.
Winner of the James Alan McPherson Prize for the Novel, Ben Grossberg’s The Spring Before Obergefell is about real guys who have real problems, yet still manage to find connection. Funny, serious, meditative, and hopeful, The Spring Before Obergefell is a romance—but not a fairytale.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: I so relate to Matteo, Mike's first RL shot at Love. Catalyzes something good and big; doesn't get to participate, too acerbic and just Too Much.
It's a curse, unless of course it's not. It felt very very good to read Dave and Mike's borning relationship.
A story set ten years ago about the challenges of forming relationships as gay men in homophobic Murrika. There has never been a moment where this subject, treated with hope, has been more welcome. We're now looking into the maw of Project 2025. *horripilation*
Nothing in this book leads me to believe the author was predicting the future as he wrote it. It's still a welcome moment of hope in a bleak landscape. Part of keeping hope alive is to feed it. The Spring Before Obergefell offers readers, gay men in particular, and older gay men for sure, a story that deals with the reality of family in this new age of darkness. There is always hope. It feels like there is not sometimes. Mike and his world...well...hope is what he found. That message trumps all the noise and chaos of the world.
Rating: 4.5* of five
The Publisher Says: It’s not easy for anyone to find love, let alone a middle-aged gay man in small-town America. Mike Breck works multiple part-time jobs and bickers constantly with his father, an angry conservative who moved in after Mike’s mother died. When he’s not working or avoiding his father, Mike burns time on hookup apps, not looking for anything more. Then he meets a local guy, Dave, just as lonely as he is, and starts to think that maybe he doesn’t have to be alone. Mike falls hard, and in a moment of intimacy, his pent-up hopes for a relationship rush out, leading him to look more honestly at himself and his future.
Winner of the James Alan McPherson Prize for the Novel, Ben Grossberg’s The Spring Before Obergefell is about real guys who have real problems, yet still manage to find connection. Funny, serious, meditative, and hopeful, The Spring Before Obergefell is a romance—but not a fairytale.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: I so relate to Matteo, Mike's first RL shot at Love. Catalyzes something good and big; doesn't get to participate, too acerbic and just Too Much.
It's a curse, unless of course it's not. It felt very very good to read Dave and Mike's borning relationship.
A story set ten years ago about the challenges of forming relationships as gay men in homophobic Murrika. There has never been a moment where this subject, treated with hope, has been more welcome. We're now looking into the maw of Project 2025. *horripilation*
Nothing in this book leads me to believe the author was predicting the future as he wrote it. It's still a welcome moment of hope in a bleak landscape. Part of keeping hope alive is to feed it. The Spring Before Obergefell offers readers, gay men in particular, and older gay men for sure, a story that deals with the reality of family in this new age of darkness. There is always hope. It feels like there is not sometimes. Mike and his world...well...hope is what he found. That message trumps all the noise and chaos of the world.
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