I honestly don’t even know where to begin. I read this book twice, and I’ve been marinating in my feelings for days, unsure of how to proceed. Why? Because I was utterly benumbed by this story, and I’m still not ok. As always with Shiloh’s work, it was an absolutely visceral experience. Her immaculate, hallmark prose blew my mind. The story shredded my heart and my nerves, and left me thoroughly ruined. I’m still struggling with how to review it in a way that will properly honor the story, while making you understand what you’re about to get yourself into.
First, let me say this: If you’re looking for a traditional dark romance, or an enemies lovers situation with an HEA, imma stop you right there… cuz you won’t find that here. And nor should you, because that’s not what this story is about. It is SO much more. Soooo, a trope list can fuck all the way off- bc this book transcends that. The only list that need be consulted is the list of content warnings. (It goes full-on taboo, so brace yourself.)
Here goes nothing…
Kayla is our FMC, who’s experienced SEVERE childhood trauma, that she has no recollection of. Structured in a nonlinear format, the story bounces you around between present day and flashbacks, giving you glimpses and insights into Kayla’s chaos.
In present day, she is a woman of wealth and means, and is hell-bent on exacting revenge upon a man who has ruined her life, and fucked with her power. The stalking piece of this book is clever, humorous, and horrifying. Kayla sinks her claws into her unwitting mark, and what ensues is a delicious game of cat and mouse, complete with filthy, forbidden spice, psychological warfare, and enough angst to cause heart palpitations.
But as the plot begins to unfold, we start to see the bigger picture~ there’s a story that began with her forgotten childhood abuse at the hands of those who should’ve cherished her, and continues on, impacting (sometimes knowingly, and sometimes subconsciously) every move she makes. When these horrific events are brought to light many years later, things are set into motion that irrevocably change the course of her life. Her path of destruction is laid out before her, and she can’t help but to follow.
The way that Kayla is written is nothing short of genius. All her life, she has understood one thing- that her beauty and sexuality are weapons to be honed, rife with power to be harnessed. And harness it she does. In present day, she is a fucking force to be reckoned with. Her desire and ability to control men to get what she wants, is intoxicating. She owns every piece of herself, and unabashedly adores all of her attributes that others might see as sociopathic. She takes what she wants, and is not to be fucked with. She is resplendent in her self awareness, and it’s a goddamn thing of beauty.
As the story progresses, and the flashbacks start to catch up with present day, we begin to see different facets of her psyche. For the most part, she celebrates the path that brought her to where she is. But we see glimpses of the side of her that mourns the loss of the piece of her that died when those wrongs were done to her. There is a dichotomy of emotion at play, and it’s tragic and beautiful in equal measure.
At certain points of the book, we begin to see elements of magic~ or at least, that’s how I interpreted them. Others might see only symbolism, and honestly it could go either way. But I choose magic, because that’s the way this story made me feel. And no, you won’t get your romantic HEA- but if you’re like me, you will experience some satisfying, heartbreaking resolution for the heroine that will make you ugly cry, and set your soul on fire.
At the end of the day, this book is fucked up, and it’s gonna make you feel things. Soooo many things. All of the things. It’s completely out there, but it’s also fully grounded in reality. It’s witty and laugh out loud funny, but it’s also tragic as fuck and will break your heart. It’s sexy, and hot as hell, but it’s also a cold shower bitch-slap across the face. It’s brutal and gory, but also precious and delicate. And as with all of Shiloh’s work, the darkness and the depravity serve a purpose, and are fully tethered to the emotional component of the story. I know with certainty what this book meant to me, but it will probably mean something completely different to you, and that’s what makes it so damn beautiful.
I will just finish with this: There is no one else like Shiloh. The motherfucking mold was smashed upon her arrival, so I intend to devour every word, every damn syllable that she puts out into the world, and consider myself fortunate for being around while she’s here. I get that this book is not going to be for everyone. It’s really truly not. But by the gods, it was for me. And if you can embrace the darkness, the symbolism, the rage, the taboo, the horror, tragedy, magic and chaos… it will likely be for you, too.
From the foreword:
“If you’re looking for a happy ending, I have several other options to choose from in which love conquers all. My first trigger warning is that in this book, love is not romantic. My others are a list: blood play, cannibalism, cheating, incest, allusion to/mention of child predation (no vivid imagery or flashbacks of this), stalking, nonconsent, dubious consent, bondage, and New England wealth.”