Raised by Narcissists: How to Handle Your Difficult, Toxic and Abusive Parents

by Sarah Davies

We can't choose our parents.
But we can choose how we deal with them.

In Raised By Narcissists, counselling psychologist Dr Sarah Davies offers practical, realistic advice on how to heal from the trauma and toxicity of a narcissistic parent. Drawing on case studies from her own practice, as well as her personal experience, Raised by Narcissists will teach you how

- Recognise narcissistic behaviour in your upbringing and how it has impacted you
- Identify the roles your narcissistic parent created in your family, including The Golden Child, The Black Sheep and The Enabler
- Manage communication and boundaries with a narcissistic parent
- Combat negative self-beliefs stemming from narcissism
- Develop strategies for healing and self-care

Having a narcissistic parent can create long lasting effects on our self-esteem, confidence and subsequent relationships. Raised By Narcissists will teach you to acknowledge and begin to heal from the difficult experience of narcissistic parental abuse, reclaim your experience and move on to build a better future.

Genres: Self Help, Audiobook, Nonfiction

320 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 19, 2024

About the author

Dr. Sarah Davies is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist and Trauma Therapist. She has worked in mental health since 2007. With a background in general mental health and training in a range of psychological therapies, she has specialised in treating Narcissistic Abuse, Codependency, Stress, Anxiety and Trauma since 2013. Dr. Sarah is passionate about providing a holistic, practical and pragmatic approach to mental health and emotional wellbeing. She has a successful private practice based on Harley Street, London, England. You can find out more at: www.drsarahdavies.com

Reviews

[Rainbow Goth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book deeply emotional and truly eye-opening. I’ve long struggled to recognise and accept my own childhood trauma and the impact it has had on my adult life.

The descriptions of trauma triangles were particularly helpful in understanding how I can manage the challenges within my family life and the constant guilt I feel.

Dr Sarah Davies is an exceptional writer. She tackles this difficult topic in a way that is both easy to follow and deeply compassionate. Her empathy shines through, and I believe it’s because she has experienced similar struggles herself.

I also appreciated the reflections at the end of each chapter. They provided space for the key points to really sink in and offered practical ways to apply the information to my own life. I plan to reread the book in a journal so I can write these reflections down.

The chapters on parenting and advice for friends and loved ones were particularly useful. I’m planning to ask my husband to read them as well.

When I write reviews, I always try to find something that could be improved to keep things fair and well-rounded, but honestly, I struggled to find any faults with this book.

I just want to thank the author for writing this. She addresses such emotive topics in an incredibly empathetic way, without adding to the trauma. I also really appreciated her willingness to share her own childhood experiences, especially in the final chapters.


*Thank you to the Author, publishers and NetGalley for an ALC of this book - all views in this review are my own*

[Tamzin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has given me a lot to think about given that I have no contact with my narcissistic parent. But if I do decide to have contact, Dr. sarah Davies has given me a way to cope and make sure I have given myself to breathe. The book has also made me release how I felt when I was growing up and gave a few idea for coping mechanisms for dealing with these feeling when they come up or to thinking through these. I will admit it it a hard book to listen to because it's admitting you're aware and may be broken, but Dr. Davies helps you deal with this. I have also found it good that her herself have gone through the same experience and used that power to help others.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my word. I am so grateful to have found this book, and have now bought a copy for my siblings too. Having grown up with an emotional and psychologically abusive father, reading this book has been eye opening, as the listed traits of a narcissistic parent matches him to perfection. The positions the children pick up also struck a chord. I am grateful for the insights given, but also the self healing tools provided. I love the knowledge that my childhood learned traits can be self healed. I am also optimistic that my siblings will find similar healing.

[Ophelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

If a single part of you is curious about this book then it is probably one you should read/listen to.
I saw this title and wondered if this could answer some of my questions. It did and so much more. Discussing this book is very personal and I do not feel comfortable discussing it in public at this time, but this book is an absolute treasure. Thank you, Sarah Davies and the publishing team.

[Nutkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal self help book which I have found relevant and helpful in recognising things that I have grown up with. Easy to read and understand and I cannot recommend highly enough.

[Miri Ingold-Lacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book, filled with knowledge and guidance for healing. I strongly recommended it to my therapist.

[Dee Hancocks · Rating 5 out of 5]

These types of books should be made mandatory reading. This is a great insight into narcissism and how it can impact upon different generations. The author is able to make the material accessible and supportive all in one. There is no lecturing or opinions shared, instead every chapter expands on the next to allow for the reader/lister to think for themselves. The author also shares personal examples, there is no oversharing, it’s very relevant to show others they are not alone and to apply the knowledge to real circumstances, which is so important. Even if you don’t have a parent that’s a narcissist I think having the awareness of others experiences would make for interesting and enlightening reading. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC. This is a voluntary review of my own thoughts.

[Steph Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a truly incredible book. Absolutely brilliant! Set out in such a readable and absorbable format and packed full of great insights and wisdoms as well as really workable and practical ways to deal with narcissistic parents and most importantly care for yourself. Highly recommend this for anyone dealing with narcissistic parents. And particularly grateful for the “permission” and understanding that often it has to be removing contact in order to look after yourself.

[julia ❤︎₊ ⊹ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Net Galley, the author & publisher for this e-ARC copy of this audiobook ahead of its release date in exchange for an honest review ✨

Wow I can’t even explain how useful this book was as someone currently going through trauma counselling & about to start EMDR. Very eye opening, so insightful and well written. I also found the narrators voice so soothing and fitting for the topics discussed. Would highly recommend to anyone I know struggling with the same issues and will be getting my partner to listen to this audiobook also! Very impressed!

[Hannah ZR · Rating 5 out of 5]

It really weaves together every pattern, tactic, technique, and behavior used by narcissistic toxic parents and how the eventually begins to affect a person in their adulthood as well as their relationships.
It has been very eye opening for me to see my folks for who they truly are and why I feel drained, confused and guilty after interacting with them. Some chapters I had to read 2-3 times and let my feelings simmer and process what I read.

[Hasina Begum · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book- it was a brilliant read and very interesting. I really liked how it was easy to understand and I’ve learnt so much. I sometimes struggle with these types of books but the title caught my attention and I’m glad it did. I was engaged from beginning to end and really liked the case study examples.

I will be checking out other books by Dr Sarah Davies.

[Bookworm · Rating 4 out of 5]

I spotted this at the library and thought it would be a good read. I've read other books on this topic and thought this would be another good addition to my reading list. It is what it says on the cover: how to recognize this, what roles you create in response, ways of communicating with said parents, and how to find ways to cope and heal.

If you've ever dealt with this or know someone who has, this will be very familiar to you from the behaviors to attitudes, etc. Some of it will be painful, but a lot of it is generally informative. Even if you "know" that your parent(s) are narcissists, it can still be useful to see it named or through the eyes of the author.

Also useful were the tips for coping. I appreciated that there was a range of paths to take: from no contact to minimal to how to carefully navigate if you can't reduce contact for whatever reason. And no single approach is the "right" one, which I appreciated. I also liked the various prompts and ideas Davies has as examples you can take.

Overall it was useful, but definitely for someone who might be new or not realize what it is they've been dealing with. That is not a negative necessarily, but if you're looking for something a little more advanced or in-depth if you've already explored this or need something that's 201 (vs 101) this may not be for you.

A good purchase if you need to with with the content or read on your own time as a reference. Library borrow was best for me.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

For me this book was an emotional listen. I only wish that I had had this book several years ago. Two years ago. I escaped from a toxic and narcissistic relationship. I myself have had to go through a period of grief reevaluation and learning.

That made me then think about the effects that the relationship, had had upon my children. Sarah Davies has written this book as if she was explaining my life. It’s given me a greater understanding into what my children have experienced in their childhood.. I feel so emotional that I let my children go through this.

Having read this book, my children and I are now able to open up meaningful conversations as to what we went through how we felt and how we are going to move forward from this. Positive notice our relationships with each other have never been better but read this book. I realise there may be deeper issues we still haven’t touched up.

This is not a book to be sat in Read in one sitting. It is best reading a couple of chapters and digesting what it is that you have read and put into the content .

To the author, my grateful thanks for this book.

[Tiff Kuk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book, felt like I could relate to a lot of what she was talking about but I don’t feel like I learned anything that I didn’t already know.

[readkrautread · Rating 4 out of 5]

More good reading to set me on a path of freedom from my mother.