3.5/5, and you best believe I’m pissed off, my feelings are hurt, and I’m disappointed that this isn’t 5/5. I still have love in my heart and good things to say, but be so for real right now… Respectfully, what the fuck?😑 Bro. We gotta have a talk. A long one. I have grievances, and Nigel and Pop Tart are tired of listening to me.
It’s your turn now, and I gots me a whole chest worth of shit to say.
First, before it gets twisted fifty times and everyone automatically hits the “HATE” button in their brains: I love this world. I love the characters, I love the premise; I loved the overarching plot, I loved the love and the spice, and I forgave the fact that not a single person had a fluffy menace running around adding to the chaos.
You’re a liar if you say a perpetually irritated, snobby cat or a gentle, spacey himbo of a pupper doggo wouldn’t have added some fun and extra shenanigans.
I mean, Hellcat counts… I think… we’re gonna put a pin in that because I don’t need my rabbit hole brain taking over when I already have enough to remember/figure out how to say…
A N Y W A Y🙃
The novella popped all the way the fuck off, and it was adorable. Chad and Reece set the bar high, and it was good soup—er, coffee.
Then Griffin and Sebastian gave until they couldn’t give anymore, and that was fairly good coffee as well. It had heaps of world building and character definition, and gave plenty of the swooning and action and all of the other things that give good book one energy, yet it left more for you to learn so the rest of the series wasn’t just solely various character lore.
Which, let’s be clear, can get boring as shit and monotonous because it feels like all of the secrets and scenery have been told/discovered and everything is the same old, same old.
And then we got to Xander and Aiden, and fuck me if I don’t love a good angy boi😮💨 and my GOD was he ✨a n g r y & b i t t e r✨. Their story read like a love story in four parts, and it was truly phenomenal (shoutout to the first chance we get for the scoop from a supe—heh). Part of it was their love story, naturally, so that’s one, but then there’s Aiden’s love story with HIMSELF (personally and with his work). That’s another, and arguably more poignant and special than their love story because falling in love with yourself and achieving your dreams because you know your worth are just so fucking beautiful and important as fuck. BUT THEN we get to our sour patch hero, Xander. Bitter babes deserve to be loved too. Full stop. His counts as two, because it’s a little more complex than self-confidence and worth—which, are complicated, but Aiden was already half there from the start.
No, Xander wasn’t even part of the way there on either front of his two-fer. Not only did he need to fight tooth-and-suit to fall in love with the healing journey and that new version of himself, but he needed to fall in love with circumstances as they were and the heroes that walk amongst the masses. He needed to find peace and contentment and acceptance and softer feelings for the people and places occupying the world around him.
And they both did all of that and more, but it came with an unexpected and confusing cost: consistency.
Where did it go? Hellen Catani could tell you, I’m sure. (Remember this name, it’s important.)
Bringing us to Alejandro and Theo, which, phew.🥴 That was a lot. I’ll never not be wary of a poly sitch showing up, but I enjoyed it. It was a fantastic look at what a poly relationship can look like when all parties aren’t together, and it was healthy and good. A little messy, but Alejandro is The Reigning Diva of the group, so that tracked all the way to the finish line.
But again, it was so inconsistent that readability was quickly burning every bridge on its way out the door, and I was straight up not having a good time pretending like everything was fine. I needed my own fucking hero and Pop Tart was not exactly itching for a super suit. He was more interested in snacks, so I made him some and carried on.
(Link sausages, for their superiority, naturally.)
Right into Bernard and Jason. And already from the jump, I had had enough. The work was done to make a man with a ‘J’ name not The Worst, and while the world thanks you for your service, even Zeus was less of a damn mess than the book (and end of the series) wound up being. Don’t think I didn’t wholeheartedly love them and their story, but I can’t ask “what the fuuuuuuuck” politely enough. I don’t know how.
Because from the prequel until the last word of the little series epilogue, everything switched and changed and backtracked and flipped and tossed and turned SO MUCH and WHERE THE FUCK DID HELLEN GO??!
[REDACTED BC SPOILERS SUCK], not a single person thought Hellcat wouldn’t be you, but she wasn’t, and you just gotta get over it and be supportive. Not everyone has powers, please ask Griffin how to cope. This isn’t healthy.
Names, descriptions, dates, explanations, places, timelines… nothing was safe. Important details and plot points and character developments? Not safe. Minute details? Also not safe.
Basketball shorts to jeans and back again in one scene almost did me in. There weren’t even sentences in between, just… whole thing, wonky as shit.
And all of that’s on top of some really shaky, questionable mechanics. The structure was just not there—repetitive phrasing almost made me throw my damn ereader. There could be so many reasons why—from accidentally uploading the wrong file, to hostile fucking aliens and/or coercion—but it doesn’t even matter anymore, because what it all came down to in the end is how I felt when the little “remember when you could rate and review from RIGHT HERE” pop-up popped up.
(Not-actually) Spoiler alert: I felt like I wanted to cry because my feelings were hurt.
I know I’m dumb. On a good day, my brain is smoother than pick-up lines from a horny guy in a bar who knows they got inches and they wanna give them to you. I’m running off no sleep every single day and spite is the only thing that keeps me conscious.
But I’m not stupid.
I have excellent reading comprehension and information retention skills. I can remember what happened two sentences ago or a line from a book I read two years ago. I very rarely fuck up and forget something. Not bragging, that’s just my real-life superpower—that, and being able to taste something and then go home and replicate it without a recipe or a clue as to wtf I’m doing.
I realise that that isn’t everyone’s superpower, but that doesn’t mean that the fucks don’t need to be there. Just because EVERYONE doesn’t vibrate to the same frequency does not mean that NOBODY vibes, ya feel me?
Consistency is paramount. When you make a big fucking point to do an extremely pivotal and special identity reveal, it’s going to hit wrong when the script gets torn to shreds in the following storyline without warning or explanation. It’s fine if you want to change it, but you gotta fix that shit across the series, especially if you’re putting it all in a box together. It’s easier for people to let shit slide when they had to wait for each book, but the devil in those details becomes Zee from the SOS: Hotel series real fucking quick when it’s all vacuum-packed and hermetically sealed.
And I say all of that because you hurt my goddamn feelings. I don’t like being made to feel like I’m Boo-boo The Fool. Again, I’m not stupid. I can fucking read. I can also read WELL. And if that’s not a common thing, consider this me saying that while I play games, I play games that don’t hurt people’s feelings or shine a light on how little I think of them. And, just maybe, that should be the new standard? Assuming that folx WILL notice and care? That they ARE intelligent enough to put two and two together and get [REDACTED] IS NOT HELLCAT?
Because I can forgive messiness and a host of other things, and while I bitch and whine through them I somehow manage to come out the other side generally unscathed. I’m angry and bitter and need Xander to share that Xanax, but I’m not a bitch. I get that editing is expensive and hard to do on your own and isn’t going to be perfect 100% of the time, but I won’t sit here and enjoy wallowing in a pit of icky feels because someone else decided I was too dumb to live for me.
I’m the only one who gets to remind me of that.
I know I’m going to be the villain now—which sucks because I genuinely love this world and I’m practically drooling for the rest of the books in the universe AND book two in the Firefly Valley series—but I had to say my piece and count to ten, babe.
Exhale the hurt, inhale the healing. I still have so much love and I’m sorry that I didn’t have only nice things to say. I mean no disrespect or harm, and I highly recommend the series.
You’re gonna need your Notes app and to agree that Zipper is just a warmer Frozone, though. Oh, and that threadbare sweats are a super suit. You know, for the culture of book nerds everywhere. (Ahem. For *me*.)