Fantastic Orgy

by Carlton Mellick III

Shark women, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases.

Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There's an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that causes your toes to grow larger, one causes you to grow extra breasts on your body, another causes your skin to grow long metal spikes, and there's an especially annoying STD that causes you to ejaculate miniature eyeballs.

Tonight is Share Your STD Night at the Demon Seed Swingers Club. Although most members of society fear the idea of contracting these diseases, there are some underground deviants who embrace them. They believe the diseases make them strange, unique, and beautiful. So they come together once a month to trade their wonderful STDs with each other in a surreal, fantastical orgy. However, tonight will not be like other nights. There's a new disease spreading through the sex club, a disease that causes people to become rabid bloodthirsty killing machines. As the infected rampage through the Demon Seed, the survivors realize there's only one thing they can do to survive the night: turn their grotesque STDs into deadly super weapons.

Also featuring the short stories:

Candy-Coated - A buff dude with a lollipop for a head has a hard time picking up the laydaaays due to all of the bearded truckers who keep trying to lick his head.

Ear Cat - A Kitty of the Month Club selection gone horribly wrong.

City Hobgoblins - A member of a punk rock band falls in love with a shark-like creature. (a prequel to the cult novel Satan Burger)

Porno in August - A group of porn actors find themselves floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to remember who they are or why they are there. (Chosen for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror)

Genres: Bizarro Fiction, Horror, Fiction, Adult, Anthologies, Science Fiction, Ebooks

133 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 2, 2011

About the author

Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.

Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock sci-fi/horror and postmodern literary art. His novels explore surreal versions of earth in contemporary society and imagined futures, commonly focusing on social absurdities and satire.

Carlton Mellick III started writing at the age of ten and completed twelve novels by the age of eighteen. Only one of these early novels, "Electric Jesus Corpse", ever made it to print.

He is best known for his first novel Satan Burger and its sequel Punk Land. Satan Burger was translated into Russian and published by Ultra Culture in 2005. It was part of a four book series called Brave New World, which also featured Virtual Light by William Gibson, City Come A Walkin by John Shirley, and Tea from an Empty Cup by Pat Cadigan.

In the late 90's, he formed a collective for offbeat authors which included D. Harlan Wilson, Kevin L. Donihe, Vincent Sakowski, among others, and the publishing company Eraserhead Press. This scene evolved into the Bizarro fiction movement in 2005.

In addition to writing, Mellick is an artist and musician.

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Well, this one starts out with man called Knob, who has a lollipop for a head and enjoys making his pecs dance for the ladies, getting gang licked by bikers. Yeah, soak that all up for a few seconds. And the book continues with shorter stories, as we explore this strange new world. STDs that give you inexplainable abilities and other such antics. It was all fun and interesting, but I am not a fan of such short stories. I kind of thought these would all connect and intertwine, but they didn’t. The material was fine but just felt fairly disconnected and disjointed by the end. And that made the whole experience suffet quite a bit for me. I’m a big fan of the author, but this did not tickle my freaky fancy.

[L.S. Popovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wacky bizarro mayhem on a grand and gratuitous scale, rendered into vivid and evocative prose by a freakishly compelling author concerned with unlocking the hidden and forbidden layers of the human imagination. Genuinely brilliant in places, and hilarious every step of the way. Reading this feels like waking up under a shower of Great Dane slobber, but sort of liking the sensation, closing your eyes, and jumping back into the moist jungle of the fascinating dreamscape. Before you know what is happening, the glorious fissures beyond reality beckon you toward a candy-colored carnival and you step out of a saliva-cocoon down an escalator composed of human organs. A dose of sensorium overload with practical effects reminiscent of Gremlins.

[Sassy Sedusa · Rating 4 out of 5]

what a crazy adventure that was. 🙃🤪

[Auntie Raye-Raye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like the chick on the cover, I too have crazy hair that objects get all tangled up in. Her hair is more awesome, because it's a STM and actually tentacles!

* If STD's did modify one's body in weird and sometimes super-hero ways, people would totally have unprotected, fantastic orgies all the time.

* Did you know that mutated Ear, Muscle, and Gentlemen cats from a Kitty of the Month club are excellent therapy? They'll help cure your hoarding urges and agoraphobia!

* It's been about 12 years since I had a wine and cheese pairing class. So, I'm not entirely sure a Stilton would go with a Tropical Sensation lollipop head.

* Shark sex, punk bands, set in the world of SATAN BURGER?! AHHHHHHHHH! Best Story EVER!

* I'm not sure why there are amnesiac porn stars floating around the ocean. You probably don't either. Hmph.

[kate · Rating 1 out of 5]

0.5 ⭐️
I normally adore Carlton’s work but this was a total miss for me. I found myself skimming just to get through it. Pretty bummed if we are being honest, but they can’t all be winners.

[Leila Anani · Rating 3 out of 5]

5 story anthology by the master of Bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, themed around I guess you could say erotic horror - or maybe human relationships.

Fantastic Orgy is obviously the highlight here - where STDs become trendy body modifications/super powers - you sleep with people just to get a particular trait. Our hero wants vibrator to satisfy his girlfriend, but gets more than he bargained for....

The other stories are a really mixed bag: Candy coated is a surreal piece of lunacy about a guy with a lollipop head. Ear cat is the odd one out as its the only story not to feature sexual relationships - but instead how ugly cats can stop humans from becoming hermits. City Hobgoblins has a guy fall for a shark woman hybrid. And there are more sharks in Porno in August in which a crew of porn stars find themselves adrift in the middle of the Ocean.

As CM3 works go I found this collection middling. Fantastic Orgy was really innovative and a fascinating concept, the other stories were just so-so. Still, more than enough here to delight fans, just far from his best.

[Frank · Rating 3 out of 5]

Carlton Mellick III's FANTASTIC ORGY is a collection of five short stories. This is the first bit of CM3 short fiction I can recall reading. The stories, collectively are about what you'd expect from the preeminent bizarro fiction writer. The weird and quirky yet, somehow adorable and funny.

The opening story CANDY COATED, was a fun character study of one of Mellick's favorite subject matters: jocks in odd situations. The second story, EAR CAT is a creepy as it is weird. Third is the titular story, FANTASTIC ORGY, which is almost more about super powers that super sex. Fourth is the story CITY HOBGOBLINS which is sort of another character study about precieved differences (and shark sex.) And finally, PORNO IN AGUST, my personal favorite of the collection is a bonkers story about a porn film being made in the middle of the ocean (and there's also shark sex.)

While I enjoyed experiencing CM3's shorter works, I wouldn't seek out another collection of shorts by him purposfully. I think he shines best in novella form where his wild imagination can streatch out and really explore itself. You can see what makes him tick in stories like this but to really apprecaite what he can do you need to expierience he longer work.

When is his novella Shark Sex being published?

[Paige Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection was insane lol. Idk why I’m always so surprised whenever I crack open another Mellick book. I should know better by now 🤣

Candy Coated 4 star- A buff man with a lollipop for a head is desperate to find a ladaaay that is interested in him. He thinks flexing his pecks is the ultimate move for the ladaaays to notice him. He finds himself in a cheese store where things take an unexpected turn.

This was quite out there. I really liked it even tho this dude’s ego was swollen as fuck. 😂

Ear Cat 4 star- Irene is a member of the kitty of the month club and is an avid lamp collector. When the kitties expire they turn into stuffed animals. This month when her kitty is delivered she is caught off guard by its appearance. It’s made of human ears. 🤣 The cat is quite destructive as well and this has caused Irene a lot of frustration. This cat has lasted much longer than her others and is still alive when the next cat comes along. This time it’s a cat made of muscles but has blonde hair on the top of its head 😂 her therapists gives up on her cuz there’s more agoraphobia cases that can be treated and she’s been declared hopeless. Another cat arrives; Gentleman cat. It’s more of a tiny man than a cat lol.

This is what nightmares are made of… I’d die if my cats turned into some of these!!

Fantastic Orgy
STD’s have a completely other meaning in this story. For example: one STD causes men to ejaculate miniature eyeballs 👀😅 Others include changing of your appearance and so on. At the Demon Seed (an exclusive swingers club) most people are seeking a particular STD to catch. Our MMC Tim wants the Vibrator STD. This STD causes vibrations in said organs to intensify orgasms! I mean…. Hey I get it lol. However, things take a VERY unexpected turn for our pal Tim. 😬

The line breaks have a hello kitty image on the kindle version and I LOVE that so much. The further you read the more you’ll understand why they’re there. 😉🎀😺

This story. I have no words just WUT?! 😳🤣

City Hobgoblins
The city is infested with these creatures that appear somewhat human but they’re also some sort of beast. This story is actually a prequel to Satan Burger which I’ve not yet read.

Quite unhinged if I do say so myself lmao.

Porno in August
A group of Porn Stars are out as sea shooting a film and they all have lapses in memory. Meanwhile, there are sharks lurking in the water. 🫣🦈

Absolutely not. Why did they think this was a good idea?! Oh yeah they forgot… 😅

[Justin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the funnest and most mesmerizing collections I’ve ever read.

Here’s a quick break down of what you’ll find inside:

CANDY-COATED is about an alpha male that has a lollipop for a head. He desperately tries to pick up chicks but it’s tough when bearded truckers keep licking your head. Included in this story are fine cheeses and hilarity.

EAR CAT takes place in a world where everybody is agoraphobic. People no longer leave their homes or socialize. This really isn’t too farfetched from what the world is starting to become. Anxiety grips the main character as she awaits her next Kitty of the Month club selection which have been becoming rather bizarre as of late.

FANTASTIC ORGY places you in a world where designer STDs are all the rage. They are no longer the STDs of yesteryear and rather have morphed into Sexually Transmitted Body Modifications such as vampire fangs, tentacle hair or even cheetah skin. There’s a lot more inventive one’s in the story but I’d hate to give anything away.

CITY HOBGOBLINS is about a punk rock band that is currently holed up in their apartment due to…you guessed it, Hobgoblins. Things start to get weird when one of the members starts to bring home Hobgoblin girls. There are no fine cheeses in this story.

Finally, PORNO IN AUGUST is about a group of Pornographers that get stuck in the middle of the ocean while trying to film an avante garde/Gilligan’s Island parody. No one is ever quite sure which? This story is like a trippy version of the film OPEN WATER.

This is an excellent collection that I urge anyone to read, except maybe the easily offended. Every story is solid and highly creative with a lot of laughs. This was a blast to read!

[Justin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a little disappointed that the feature story wasn't longer but it was a great story, as where the four others in this collection of five short stories. I am still fairly new to this author, this was my second title of his I have read and enjoyed. I think my favorite part is the author commentary at the end where he is trying to explain what was going on in his brain when he wrote these stories, it is pretty funny so be sure not to skip it. There really isn't much I can say about these short stories that isn't already said in the books synapses without giving away spoilers, but I can say that if the description of the book sounds like something you will like then you probably won't be disappointed with it.

[Michael Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A collection of five very ... unusual ... short stories.

Each story takes a truly weird idea and runs with it, asking "what would happen if this was real?" For example, "What would happen if a buff man trying to pick up girls had a lollipop for a head?", or "What would happen if STDs were collectible body modifications?"

Having established their ludicrous premise, the stories are then written 'straight', with no deliberate gags. They're hilarious, of course, but they're funny because they're treated seriously and are so skewed from ordinary reality.

A hugely entertaining collection.

[Dustin Reade · Rating 5 out of 5]

holy shit.

[Melanie Catchpole · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with all short story collections you prefer some over others but overall a fun read.

[Shawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mellick is particularly sneaky with this collection of short stories, one which I would recommend to anyone who isn't immediately offended by the cover art and dumb (albeit apt) title. In his overblown fashion, Mellick writes horrifying cautionary tales that pinpoint a certain anxiety about the future. In this modern culture we live in where blue haired girls put in cosmetic contacts and charge people for tiny jars of water, a sex club where people trade STM's (sexually transmitted modifications) for body modifications ranging from cosmetic (zebra stripes) to life altering (gender changes) is not really so absurd. What about a future where 97% of the population has become agoraphobic because the internet has made that kind of life feasible when everything can be done from home? How about the fear of becoming a water filled bag of flesh bobbing in the ocean with no memories, no identity?
Pretty chilling, really.
And you're a coward for not reading it.

[haunted.kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whenever I read a Carlton Mellick book I know it’s going to be super unhinged and super funny. This one was no different! It consisted of 5 short stories all more insane than the one before! My favourite had to be the first or the third one! I just loved them all, I read enjoyed how Carlton writes his stories. They really grip you and don’t let you go, I can’t wait to read more by this author! If you want something super crazy, read this one hahahhaa

[Janice Armstrong · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read mostly Fantasy books, and a lot of themes are the same...fae/elves in an enemy to lovers with a shadow daddy. dont get me wrong I love it but i feel like I need a reading palate cleanser sometimes and this Author doesnt disappoint lmao. I have learned that in my reading I need to"shock and Awe", that not all characters should make it to the end. That reading taboo things peaks my interest. Carlton Mellick provides all those things. Now he isnt for everyone...but his stories are so weird and out there, racey and far beyond edgy its a great read to break the monotony of the majority of fantasy books out there. My favorite story out of this book of short stories is "Fantastic Orgy" I laughed so much to myself several times my husband kept looking at me and I think I told at least three or four people about what I read. After reading these long series its nice to read something short and shocking to re awake the love of reading.

if you choose to read, read it with an open mind and be ready to laugh and dont take things to serious just enjoy the creativity this author has to offer.

[Sheldon · Rating 4 out of 5]

What if sexually transmitted diseases suddenly mutated to give people extreme body modifications that are essentially super powers? This is the premise of Fantastic Orgy, the titular story (huh huh, I said “titular”) in this short short story collection by Carlton Mellick III.

Among these stories are a buff guy with a lollipop for a head trying to pick up women, a bunch of weird looking cats in a world plagued by agoraphobia, punk band roommates in a city overrun with hobgoblins (more on this later), and a group of porn actors who are lost at sea and have no memory of how they got there or how long they've actually been there. Each one of these stories brings something interesting to the table, and each one is immensely enjoyable.

If I had to fault one of these stories, it would have to be “City Hobgoblins,” mostly because it just didn't click for me, although there is probably a good explanation for this. At the end of the book, Mellick has been kind enough to provide an author's note for each story, explaining the origin and other background information for each one. These are actually really interesting to read, and a good look inside the author's head. Apparently, “City Hobgoblins” is actually a prequel/origin story to another one of his books, Punk Land , which I haven't read yet, and didn't know this while reading it. A failure of the author to disclose this beforehand, or a failure of the reader to know this, I'm not sure. It probably could have been easily fixed by having the author's note for each story in front of the story, which I've seen done in other collections.

Aside from this frustration born of my own ignorance, most of these stories will make you laugh and make you cringe, sometimes at the same time. Keep in mind that these stories are not for the faint of heart, though. There is explicit sex and violence throughout a few of these stories. Well, if the name and cover of the book isn't a dead giveaway about that one, then you're probably not much of a reader anyway. Although, admittedly it's not as over the top as some other Bizarro books I've read.

Fantastic Orgy by Carlton Mellick III earns 4.5 bench-pressing muscle cats out of 5.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

So this is the first official Bizarro Fiction I've ever read, and I think I really liked it. Sometimes I can't really tell if Mellick writes really loose and a little casually as a stylistic choice, or simply as the result of writing like ten books a year, but he's really got a knack for pulling a narrative together. And oddly enough, for all the anarchy and amorality associated with bizarro, the code of conduct being preached on here is pretty front-and-center. Sure, there's a guy with a lollipop for a head, a woman who owns a cat made of ears, and multiple tales of weird mutant animal sex gone impossibly awry -- but lollipop head guy is also giving us a lesson in self-respect, cat lady is showing us the dangers of isolation, and weird sex stories are like ALWAYS about moral-something-or-other and never actually about the freaky-deeky.

One might argue that the window dressings of bizarro and the straightforward narrative and moralistic cores of these stories are perhaps not integrated as well as they could be, and if you were having that argument with me I'd let you win. But it's also nice to walk away from this collection and feel like there was purpose festering beneath the shock value and toilet humor -- that this is not just the literary equivalent of Troma, done just for laughs.

Probably the one story that really didn't work for me was the same one that apparently won a bunch of awards -- "Porno in August," which just seemed weird and disgusting for the sake of being weird and disgusting. Sure, it was interesting that its themes weren't apparent and that its narrative folded in on itself rather than resolving. But it was also kind of a big uncomfortable mess. Who knows, maybe I was just too dumb for it. Maybe me and my ear cat gotta get outside more often.

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the title would suggest, there's a fair amount of sex within this book. As a book of short stories, the stories range and vary in weirdness, but all are entertaining.

The first story, Candy-Coated, is about the struggles of an overly buff guy with a lollipop for a head and how difficult it is to get laid with a candy head.

Next is Ear Cat, about a shut-in who is sent a cat with ears covering its body instead of fur. It leaks earwax all over the house and constantly listens to everything. Personally, one of the grossest stories in this collection.

Fantastic Orgy is about a time when STDs are no longer diseases, but have mutated into different forms of body modifications. Some STDs can change your hair color, some make your breasts/penis larger, and some making even more extreme changes. STDs become a commodity to swap, like trading cards.

City Hobgoblins only needs two words: Shark sex.

Porno In August I can't even really describe without giving too much away. Just a bunch of porn stars dropped into the middle of the ocean to make their film. Shark sex does appear in this one, too.

Overall, the book is brilliantly weird and absurdly funny.

[jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

honestly, all of my mellick reviews are more or less the same thing: his world building skills are second-to-none, he pays close attention to the diversity of his cast without making it feel like an afterschool special, and all of his characters seem to pop right out at you, even tiny, irrelevant background characters. i love his books, i love his girls. i love him. there you go.

[Rodney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one was entertaining from start to finish. Each one of the stories within were rich with twisted humor and oddity of the best quality. I highly recommend it. I will leave it at that.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

The narrator was fucking a shark-woman when my boyfriend asked what the book I was reading was about. My reply, "It...I... (sigh) it's...complicated."

[Albert · Rating 4 out of 5]

What the hell?

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mellick's Fantastic Orgy is really an anthology of four short stories and one slightly longer story for which the book is named.

In Candy-Coated, we're treated to a lollipop-headed buff dude in his quest for fine cheese and love. I thought this one was extremely creepy and interesting.

Ear Cat, which features a cat made of ears, was my favorite of the stories. It was strange and heartwarming.

Fantastic Orgy was fantastic and did, in fact, feature an orgy. Well-named. Not as philosophical as some of Mellick's better works, but still an entertaining read.

City Hobgoblins was interesting and confusing, but certainly made me want to read its well-known follow-up, Satan Burger.

Porno in August left me feeling cold. This story did nothing for me at all. I think it's because it was written like it had meaning, but it actually had no meaning, which left it feeling unbalanced. It was "chosen for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror," so I'm clearly in the minority here.

All in all, a solid read from the master of bizarro.

[Shevek · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first two stories are absolutely brilliant. Great premises that are very well developed. The third one is also very appealing at the beginning, although it collapses in its last part until becoming a rather common bloodbath. The two others are rather plain and stupid, with a strong orientation towards shark sex that goes nowhere.

[Deanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of bizarre, slightly disturbing, but strangely entertaining short stories. I recommend not reading this book while eating, which is what I tend to do.

[Douglas Ogurek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Originality, succinctness and clarity reign in masterful short story collection. See complete review: http://theakersquarterly.blogspot.com...

[Phil Zimmerman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really fun collection. The story of the STDs is the best.

[Robby · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good one, not the best... Not that Disturbing