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Shirley Estar Goes to Heaven
When you fall and nobody is around to hear it, this is the sound it makes...In the far future, Shirley Estar is the most terrifying killer in the galaxy, more alone than the stars, but she wasn't always that way. This is the story of a nanotechnology-enhanced society that left Earth to rebuild itself in a better way, and the girl who got left behind, and the terrible things she did, and the lives she took, and how she somehow ends up in paradise in the arms of her one true love... and what happens after that. An often-disturbing character study, and an examination of alienation and morality and choice and the ways people change, you haven't read anything like Shirley Estar Goes to Heaven..WINSTON ROWNTREE is the author of the long-running comic Subnormality, as well as the award-winning webseries peopleWatching, and is known for themes of empathy and societal criticism and characters with depth. Also some humor.Content Ages 18+ only! Intersecting themes of sex & violence, albeit not graphically described and not combined (other than one instance of autoerotic self-mutilation). Additional content warning for sadness and alienation, and potentially neurodiverse alienation. Also the book repeatedly impugns Earth, so apologies to any readers from that planet.Readers describe Shirley Estar Goes to "This left my brain feeling like an egg someone fried on the surface of the sun, if this doesn't win an award or end up on some kind of bestseller list I will be totally f*cking boggled, humanity will be missing out."-autoteleology"A science fiction exploration of what it means to live in community with other people and the importance of empathy."-Robynne Blumë"This book is deep, horrifying, insightful, inspiring, heartwarming, heartbreaking, and more... The author feeds on the tears of his readers."-J. Buck Caldwell"Disturbing descriptions of alienation... A future utopia with someone who falls badly through the cracks." -Francis Bond"Loneliness and alienation and also love and hope... I like things that make me feel less alone in the world, which this did."-J H Sullivan"Overwhelming."-Simon (Szymek)"Characters that you'll love but one of them will always do the thing you don't want her to."-Olivia Morgan"I can’t say I would recommend it to people."-B. Doyle"The best book I have read all year."-Josh Fredman
- GenresScience FictionFiction
343 pages, Paperback
Published December 18, 2023
16 people are currently reading
69 people want to read
About the author
Winston Rowntree
6 books17 followersWriter and artist behind the long-running comic Subnormality and the award-winning animated webseries peopleWatching. Pleased to release my first novel, Shirley Estar Goes to Heaven, a horrifying sci-fi psychological journey that you will love/hate.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
February 25, 2024
I'll start this by saying that if you enjoy the Subnormality web comic, you will most likely enjoy this book too.
Do I love it? Yes.
What would I rate it? Probably a 4.5/5 - besides a few instances where I felt like the descriptions of some places and things were a bit too drawn out, this was a fun read.
What do I think about it? I expected the writing to be relatable in the same way Subnormality is, with these hyper-specific depictions of moments and feelings that you sometimes have but just... never really thought of them that much, and that's indeed pretty much what I found.
There's also the titular Shirley Estar, whom I can only describe (without spoilers) as a human being who's actually an extraterrestrial alien (metaphorically) in a human body and is constantly aware of this all of the time. This sci-fi world of the future, despite the leaps in research and technological advancements, remains as weird as ever, and not because of virtual reality and body augmentations but because people are inherently weird, forever, and if you've ever felt this feeling then you'd probably like this book.
Trying hard to sum up my thoughts on this, and I think the most notable quality of WR's writing is that it feels genuine, both when you resonate with it and when you don't, but in any case it's worth trying to read just for those character moments that feel either really familiar and close to you, or entirely foreign so much so that it makes you wonder for a moment if there are really people out there who are like this.
Do I love it? Yes.
What would I rate it? Probably a 4.5/5 - besides a few instances where I felt like the descriptions of some places and things were a bit too drawn out, this was a fun read.
What do I think about it? I expected the writing to be relatable in the same way Subnormality is, with these hyper-specific depictions of moments and feelings that you sometimes have but just... never really thought of them that much, and that's indeed pretty much what I found.
There's also the titular Shirley Estar, whom I can only describe (without spoilers) as a human being who's actually an extraterrestrial alien (metaphorically) in a human body and is constantly aware of this all of the time. This sci-fi world of the future, despite the leaps in research and technological advancements, remains as weird as ever, and not because of virtual reality and body augmentations but because people are inherently weird, forever, and if you've ever felt this feeling then you'd probably like this book.
Trying hard to sum up my thoughts on this, and I think the most notable quality of WR's writing is that it feels genuine, both when you resonate with it and when you don't, but in any case it's worth trying to read just for those character moments that feel either really familiar and close to you, or entirely foreign so much so that it makes you wonder for a moment if there are really people out there who are like this.
July 17, 2024
Não consigo ser muito objetivo sobre a minha review desse livro, mas vamos lá. Os spoilers ficam na segunda parte.
Numa visão mais técnica, esse é o tipo de escrita do Winston que quem já consumiu a webcomic realmente vai esperar. Um texto não extremamente denso, mas verborrágico com as assinaturas da sua escrita como Palavras Com Letras Maiúsculas mas que com um pouco de prática flui super bem. Um comentário como leitor que não é nativo da língua inglesa, achei super tranquilo de ler e li super rápido então super recomendo para quem quer treinar um pouco a leitura no idioma já que ainda não tem uma versão em português.
A história segue Shirley pulando entre vários momentos de sua vida (uma das poucas confusões que tive é que as vezes não conseguia entender em qual momento da vida dela algum capitulo estava acontecendo e fiquei confuso sobre a ordem de alguns acontecimentos) mas também faz algumas pausas em capítulos mais experimentais onde vai seguindo histórias de outros personagens ou elaborando em cima de conceitos do mundo futurista criado pelo autor.
Eu acho que os temas da história refletem muito tudo aquilo que Rowntree constrói tanto em People Watching e em Subnormality. São revisões de temas e tiras que já li, com visões mais expandidas ou até diferentes que cresceram junto com o autor. É claramente sci-fi, mas também diz tanto sobre o mundo atual que vivemos quando aponta tudo que é diferente nesse mundo ou aquelas coisas que nunca vão mudar.
No geral achei super fluído, li a história em menos de três dias e continuo recomendando para todo mundo que eu conheço (um dia alguém vai ler). Super vale a pena. Talvez não seja para todo mundo, mas se é para você, você vai amar.
Agora a parte sentimental com spoilers.
Não tem como fingir que não amei o livro de uma forma muito pessoal. Acho que todo mundo tem essas obras de ficção que parecem feitas para você. Não do tipo "nossa mudou a minha vida", mas sim no sentido de "nossa, tantas coisas que pensei e senti, mas nunca coloquei em palavras estão agora postas na minha frente de uma forma que eu nunca conseguiria fazer e eu me sinto... horrível".
Sim. A parte estressante de ler o livro foi aos poucos rir e comentar "nossa isso é muito eu" uma, duas, três, quatro vezes até começar a me sentir desconfortável. Lendo sobre Shirley eu via um retrato extremamente próximo de muitas coisas que senti na minha vida. Parecia que estava encarando um espelho enquanto via cada uma de suas decisões ruins e frustrações. A definição de I'm In This Photo and I Don't Like It.
A dor da leitura também vinha do fato de que já tinha lido a versão em quadrinhos lançada anos atrás. Eu sabia o que provavelmente era o final da história e isso doía ainda mais. Eu entendia o porque. Fazia sentido. Eu só não queria que acabasse assim. Eu queria que ela conseguisse encontrar a paz que precisava. Tanto quanto eu queria para mim. Porque eu sei o que é sempre escolher o inferno e achar que você não merece a felicidade quando ela te encontra e te abraça.
Acho que sim, relações parassociais intensas, projeções e spoilers transformaram parte do meu aproveitamento do livro e sei que o que acontece com um personagem de ficção não devia afetar a minha visão sobre mim mesmo. Mas será que não devia? Não vejo porque não. Como alguém que se diz um "artista" ou que pelo menos tenta ser, o que eu quero é fazer coisas assim. Coisas que alguém que eu nunca vou conhecer vai ler e que vai marcar ela de uma forma que eu provavelmente nunca vou ficar sabendo.
Ai minha recomendação. Passei dois meses de terapia falando sobre esse livro para ilustrar muito do que vinha me frustrando sobre mim mesmo. Lendo ele eu percebi muito do porque gosto da escrita de Rowntree e de seus temas e até de como muitos deles até influenciaram coisas que escrevi. Fiquei até frustrado sobre ler um capitulo em particular do livro que era tão similar a algo que eu mesmo escrevi dias antes e eu juro que fiquei confuso se tinha lido um pedaço do livro em algum lugar sem querer ou eu só estava com o mesmo tema na minha cabeça.
Relatos sentimentais a parte. Eu realmente amei este livro de uma forma extremamente pessoal. Não sei o quanto de Winston existe em Shirley e seus pensamentos, mas sabendo que o autor também chegou a ter um diagnóstico de autismo, eu acho que as partes sobre desconexão com o mundo e especialmente o muro em volta de si e o mundo são temas que valem muito a pena se você é neurodivergente. Não que todos nós sejamos iguais, mas acho que existe algo em comum.
Bom. texto longo a parte. Recomendo de novo a leitura. Eu demorei seis meses para escrever essa critica (em parte porque eu não posso fazer ela na amazon que diz que não gastei dinheiro o bastante no site americano, por algum motivo), mas também porquê queria entender o que sentia sobre ele.
Acho que o que eu quero mesmo é dar um tempo do livro e que daqui a algum tempo quando decidir ler novamente eu leia todas as partes que grifei com marca texto e fale "nossa é assim que eu me sentia". Me conhecendo sei que esse não vai ser o caso, mas, ainda assim, eu sei que eu sempre tenho a escolha e quem sabe na próxima vez que eu escolher o inferno, pelo menos eu sei que eu tenho companhia.
Numa visão mais técnica, esse é o tipo de escrita do Winston que quem já consumiu a webcomic realmente vai esperar. Um texto não extremamente denso, mas verborrágico com as assinaturas da sua escrita como Palavras Com Letras Maiúsculas mas que com um pouco de prática flui super bem. Um comentário como leitor que não é nativo da língua inglesa, achei super tranquilo de ler e li super rápido então super recomendo para quem quer treinar um pouco a leitura no idioma já que ainda não tem uma versão em português.
A história segue Shirley pulando entre vários momentos de sua vida (uma das poucas confusões que tive é que as vezes não conseguia entender em qual momento da vida dela algum capitulo estava acontecendo e fiquei confuso sobre a ordem de alguns acontecimentos) mas também faz algumas pausas em capítulos mais experimentais onde vai seguindo histórias de outros personagens ou elaborando em cima de conceitos do mundo futurista criado pelo autor.
Eu acho que os temas da história refletem muito tudo aquilo que Rowntree constrói tanto em People Watching e em Subnormality. São revisões de temas e tiras que já li, com visões mais expandidas ou até diferentes que cresceram junto com o autor. É claramente sci-fi, mas também diz tanto sobre o mundo atual que vivemos quando aponta tudo que é diferente nesse mundo ou aquelas coisas que nunca vão mudar.
No geral achei super fluído, li a história em menos de três dias e continuo recomendando para todo mundo que eu conheço (um dia alguém vai ler). Super vale a pena. Talvez não seja para todo mundo, mas se é para você, você vai amar.
Agora a parte sentimental com spoilers.
Não tem como fingir que não amei o livro de uma forma muito pessoal. Acho que todo mundo tem essas obras de ficção que parecem feitas para você. Não do tipo "nossa mudou a minha vida", mas sim no sentido de "nossa, tantas coisas que pensei e senti, mas nunca coloquei em palavras estão agora postas na minha frente de uma forma que eu nunca conseguiria fazer e eu me sinto... horrível".
Sim. A parte estressante de ler o livro foi aos poucos rir e comentar "nossa isso é muito eu" uma, duas, três, quatro vezes até começar a me sentir desconfortável. Lendo sobre Shirley eu via um retrato extremamente próximo de muitas coisas que senti na minha vida. Parecia que estava encarando um espelho enquanto via cada uma de suas decisões ruins e frustrações. A definição de I'm In This Photo and I Don't Like It.
A dor da leitura também vinha do fato de que já tinha lido a versão em quadrinhos lançada anos atrás. Eu sabia o que provavelmente era o final da história e isso doía ainda mais. Eu entendia o porque. Fazia sentido. Eu só não queria que acabasse assim. Eu queria que ela conseguisse encontrar a paz que precisava. Tanto quanto eu queria para mim. Porque eu sei o que é sempre escolher o inferno e achar que você não merece a felicidade quando ela te encontra e te abraça.
Acho que sim, relações parassociais intensas, projeções e spoilers transformaram parte do meu aproveitamento do livro e sei que o que acontece com um personagem de ficção não devia afetar a minha visão sobre mim mesmo. Mas será que não devia? Não vejo porque não. Como alguém que se diz um "artista" ou que pelo menos tenta ser, o que eu quero é fazer coisas assim. Coisas que alguém que eu nunca vou conhecer vai ler e que vai marcar ela de uma forma que eu provavelmente nunca vou ficar sabendo.
Ai minha recomendação. Passei dois meses de terapia falando sobre esse livro para ilustrar muito do que vinha me frustrando sobre mim mesmo. Lendo ele eu percebi muito do porque gosto da escrita de Rowntree e de seus temas e até de como muitos deles até influenciaram coisas que escrevi. Fiquei até frustrado sobre ler um capitulo em particular do livro que era tão similar a algo que eu mesmo escrevi dias antes e eu juro que fiquei confuso se tinha lido um pedaço do livro em algum lugar sem querer ou eu só estava com o mesmo tema na minha cabeça.
Relatos sentimentais a parte. Eu realmente amei este livro de uma forma extremamente pessoal. Não sei o quanto de Winston existe em Shirley e seus pensamentos, mas sabendo que o autor também chegou a ter um diagnóstico de autismo, eu acho que as partes sobre desconexão com o mundo e especialmente o muro em volta de si e o mundo são temas que valem muito a pena se você é neurodivergente. Não que todos nós sejamos iguais, mas acho que existe algo em comum.
Bom. texto longo a parte. Recomendo de novo a leitura. Eu demorei seis meses para escrever essa critica (em parte porque eu não posso fazer ela na amazon que diz que não gastei dinheiro o bastante no site americano, por algum motivo), mas também porquê queria entender o que sentia sobre ele.
Acho que o que eu quero mesmo é dar um tempo do livro e que daqui a algum tempo quando decidir ler novamente eu leia todas as partes que grifei com marca texto e fale "nossa é assim que eu me sentia". Me conhecendo sei que esse não vai ser o caso, mas, ainda assim, eu sei que eu sempre tenho a escolha e quem sabe na próxima vez que eu escolher o inferno, pelo menos eu sei que eu tenho companhia.
September 13, 2024
Synopsis
There is no synopsis that does Shirley Estar goes to Heaven justice. It just isn't about the 'what' but the 'how'. In my view the epitome of literature is like this, and my theory is that if it were not, why do we read books and not summaries?
Style
There is something joyous in how Winston constructs his sentences. His style seems entirely unconcerned by good sense and propriety, the words are free to describe the world, playing with the many voices that tell a story, sometimes a character's, sometimes your hear the author speaking directly to you, ramblingly charmingly incoherent and yet making crystalline sense.
18 minutes before Lumus Abrigador's cranium was liquefied by nanites, I was rapidly inhaling the first 150 pages of this book on a cozy Sunday in a local café around the corner, staying until close and then some because nothing could tear me from the riveting narrative.
Critique [moderate spoilers]
Any critique I make here is for purpose of discussion. To be clear, I consider this book incredible, and there is a good chance it ends up being the best book I read all year (and I've been finishing up Nobel Prize literature). I hope people find my critique constructive.
- Neurodivergence
Subnormality - Winston's Webcomic - goes by the byname "Comix with too many words". There, as here, Winston tackles questions of neurodivergent existence with deep grace and a gentle helpfulness that hopefully gives people a sense of self-understanding. Long-time readers may consider themselves lucky to have found his comics early on, and I highly reccomend one should read them, especially from #50 onwards. I certainly do. Right, back to the topic. The comics are very long, which is something I love as it allows them to develop nuance and depth that would be harder to reach in a shorter format. Meandering endlessly is a natural form of human communication. Something I wonder about is whether the length of the delivery makes the comic inaccessible for the very people who would perhaps find the encouraging message of "being subnormal is completely ok" most helpful. But maybe comics are the right format for this, and Sci-Fi novels also work.
- Saccharine perfection of representation
Jeremy Lund's character is interesting to look at in light of the novel's history with the comic. In the comic, Jeremy's character is subjected to a crude, transphobic joke, something Winston profusely apologises for when you click the modern link for the story. I have a lot of respect for learning from mistakes, and I think it's cool Winston left the comic intact, albeit the novel is a massive improvement in many ways on an already quite good story. It also shows Winston's growth as a person inasmuch he treats Jeremy and her transition with deftness and respect.
I am left to wonder if it is too perfect - and that we have overshot the goal. In making Jeremy an incredibly sweet, likeable person, (inside angel outside devil or somesuch), and giving her essentially no faults, she somewhat ends up substanceless, a foil to the protagonist, a plot device, but with little agency of her own (though she is doing cool stuff tbf).
I have multiple caveats to this idea - for once that trans representation in media is likely often vilifying, and that having a positive representation is thus probably a great thing to have. Narratively as well it would make sense for Shirley to idolize Jeremy, and thereby gloss over any character faults that the real Jeremy Lund would have if we were to see the novel from her perspective. But while I really enjoyed her discussion on God, it seems...ridiculously positive. Hm. A bit too much sugar in my cocoa, I prefer it without.
The Ending [Major Spoilers]
Some people were distraught by the ending, but me, well, I've read my Dostoevsky. To me the ending reminded me of that of Notes from Underground, where the protagonist makes an idiosyncratic, absolutely irrational choice that renders them, ultimately, human. That is, the decision to choose unhapiness. Depression is a motherfucker, and it doesn't let us enjoy good things, let alone conceive of ourselves as deserving of good things happening to us.
Still, even if my own reaction was more across the line of "yep, that checks out" (and I'd read the comic, of course), it still left an impression. I felt a strong urge to bow down in public, such was my respect for this masterwork. I had a strong urge to re-read it immediately, but...that will have to wait. Someday, I'll be back to investigate Winston's artistic portrayal of the idea that "You can only perceive a person at a given point in time across their entire lifespan".
---
Belinsky
There is no synopsis that does Shirley Estar goes to Heaven justice. It just isn't about the 'what' but the 'how'. In my view the epitome of literature is like this, and my theory is that if it were not, why do we read books and not summaries?
Style
There is something joyous in how Winston constructs his sentences. His style seems entirely unconcerned by good sense and propriety, the words are free to describe the world, playing with the many voices that tell a story, sometimes a character's, sometimes your hear the author speaking directly to you, ramblingly charmingly incoherent and yet making crystalline sense.
18 minutes before Lumus Abrigador's cranium was liquefied by nanites, I was rapidly inhaling the first 150 pages of this book on a cozy Sunday in a local café around the corner, staying until close and then some because nothing could tear me from the riveting narrative.
Critique [moderate spoilers]
Any critique I make here is for purpose of discussion. To be clear, I consider this book incredible, and there is a good chance it ends up being the best book I read all year (and I've been finishing up Nobel Prize literature). I hope people find my critique constructive.
- Neurodivergence
Subnormality - Winston's Webcomic - goes by the byname "Comix with too many words". There, as here, Winston tackles questions of neurodivergent existence with deep grace and a gentle helpfulness that hopefully gives people a sense of self-understanding. Long-time readers may consider themselves lucky to have found his comics early on, and I highly reccomend one should read them, especially from #50 onwards. I certainly do. Right, back to the topic. The comics are very long, which is something I love as it allows them to develop nuance and depth that would be harder to reach in a shorter format. Meandering endlessly is a natural form of human communication. Something I wonder about is whether the length of the delivery makes the comic inaccessible for the very people who would perhaps find the encouraging message of "being subnormal is completely ok" most helpful. But maybe comics are the right format for this, and Sci-Fi novels also work.
- Saccharine perfection of representation
Jeremy Lund's character is interesting to look at in light of the novel's history with the comic. In the comic, Jeremy's character is subjected to a crude, transphobic joke, something Winston profusely apologises for when you click the modern link for the story. I have a lot of respect for learning from mistakes, and I think it's cool Winston left the comic intact, albeit the novel is a massive improvement in many ways on an already quite good story. It also shows Winston's growth as a person inasmuch he treats Jeremy and her transition with deftness and respect.
I am left to wonder if it is too perfect - and that we have overshot the goal. In making Jeremy an incredibly sweet, likeable person, (inside angel outside devil or somesuch), and giving her essentially no faults, she somewhat ends up substanceless, a foil to the protagonist, a plot device, but with little agency of her own (though she is doing cool stuff tbf).
I have multiple caveats to this idea - for once that trans representation in media is likely often vilifying, and that having a positive representation is thus probably a great thing to have. Narratively as well it would make sense for Shirley to idolize Jeremy, and thereby gloss over any character faults that the real Jeremy Lund would have if we were to see the novel from her perspective. But while I really enjoyed her discussion on God, it seems...ridiculously positive. Hm. A bit too much sugar in my cocoa, I prefer it without.
The Ending [Major Spoilers]
Some people were distraught by the ending, but me, well, I've read my Dostoevsky. To me the ending reminded me of that of Notes from Underground, where the protagonist makes an idiosyncratic, absolutely irrational choice that renders them, ultimately, human. That is, the decision to choose unhapiness. Depression is a motherfucker, and it doesn't let us enjoy good things, let alone conceive of ourselves as deserving of good things happening to us.
Still, even if my own reaction was more across the line of "yep, that checks out" (and I'd read the comic, of course), it still left an impression. I felt a strong urge to bow down in public, such was my respect for this masterwork. I had a strong urge to re-read it immediately, but...that will have to wait. Someday, I'll be back to investigate Winston's artistic portrayal of the idea that "You can only perceive a person at a given point in time across their entire lifespan".
---
Belinsky
January 29, 2025
This was given to me by a good friend who said it reminded him of “House of Leaves”. I believe he was talking about the meta-ness of this book - this reminded me a bit of “Aeon Flux”. This is a book that is set in the future, jumps back and forth through time and space, and doesn’t appear too concerned about linear narrative or more accepted syntactical structures. This book sort of just flows from idea to idea, almost, but not, quite stream-of-conscience. I have many thoughts about the last fourth of the book: a dream? A last experience in VR before death (not unlike a character discussed earlier in the book)? Her final thought as she dies? An opportunity to see an alternate reality (hence her references to herself as another entity throughout this book). Ultimately, I believe this book is about the choices that we make…and the cyclical nature of the hell that exists due to our poor choices.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 5, 2024
Love Winston Rowntree - this book not so much
After following Winston Rowntrees career on Subnormality and Cracked for over 15 years this was a must read for me, where he put to print his graphic novel from 2004. Like a book from a dear friend who finally finished his first novel and I the longtime friend/fan get to read it.
The result is a meandering, verbose rollercoaster ride of a novel of 'woe is me the genius girl in a post scarcity world".
Rowntree is brilliant and I am not. This book flew over my head. I will always keep an eye out for Things To Come. This was sadly not my cup of tea.
I wish you all the best and looking forward to next brainchild of yours.
After following Winston Rowntrees career on Subnormality and Cracked for over 15 years this was a must read for me, where he put to print his graphic novel from 2004. Like a book from a dear friend who finally finished his first novel and I the longtime friend/fan get to read it.
The result is a meandering, verbose rollercoaster ride of a novel of 'woe is me the genius girl in a post scarcity world".
Rowntree is brilliant and I am not. This book flew over my head. I will always keep an eye out for Things To Come. This was sadly not my cup of tea.
I wish you all the best and looking forward to next brainchild of yours.
December 20, 2024
Beautifully written; not sure I've ever given a novel more highlights per word. Lots of cool ideas and sociological commentary, classic Rowntree. But I kept bouncing off the last 10% or so — it took me five sittings to get through it, and I'm not sure whether that's the reason I felt lost or whether it's because the story just meandered... a lot... in that section. I don't know whether the plot actually ended somewhere or whether it's a divine mystery. I don't care all that much, because again, the book is great, but I don't see myself wanting to return (though I may well mine my highlights for a future epigraph).
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews