Surviving Intimate Terrorism

by Hedda Nussbaum, Gloria Steinem (Introduction)

Hedda Nussbaum, battered and bruised after years of domestic torture by her live-in partner, Joel Steinberg, was abruptly thrown into the public spotlight in November 1987 after Steinberg assaulted and killed their daughter, Lisa. This book tells the painful story of Hedda’s 12 years with Steinberg, how she went from quiet book editor to notorious battered woman blamed for her daughter’s death because she didn’t “get out” soon enough. But, as the title suggests, Hedda not only survived the double abuse, but grew strong in the process and went on to become an advocate for other battered women - writing and speaking, teaching women how to stay out of and/or to survive intimate terrorism. In her Prologue, Ms. Nussbaum states the book’s primary purpose: “I pray that my story be an inspiration to women to see the truth before it’s too late and to use their inner strength to save their own lives and those of their children. If this book saves just one child or one mother, I will be content. If it saves even more, I will be fulfilled.” Ms. Nussbaum is a former senior editor at Random House and the author of the children’s books Plants Do Amazing Things and Animals Build Amazing Homes.

Genres: True Crime, Nonfiction, Psychology, Biography, Abuse

364 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 12, 2005

About the author

Hedda Nussbaum is an American woman who was caretaker for a six-year-old girl who died of physical abuse in 1987. The death of the girl, Lisa Steinberg, sparked a controversial trial and media frenzy.
Nussbaum argued her case in her 2005 memoir Surviving Intimate Terrorism. Prior to the trial, she was also the author of a couple of educational children's books.

Reviews

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember when this case was happening, the media frenzy and the "hang them" attitude. Our opinions changed when we saw the pictures of Hedda Nussbaum. If you were like me you wondered; how could she allow this to go on. We knew there was more to the story just by looking at Hedda's battered face. While I am not sure I believe all the info Ms. Nussbaum relates is accurate, I do believe she relates her tale to the best of her ability considering the mental condition she was in at the time of the events. I have empathy for Ms. Nussbaum, however I have compassion for Lisa who was dependent on these two adults for her life and well-being. It is understood the book is about Hedda Nussbaum but I do feel sometimes Lisa is overshadowed in the tale. The mere fact that Hedda is still here, and Lisa is not, tells us who the ultimate victim is here....Lisa. All that said this is an engrossing compilation of Hedda's story of the descent of a self-reliant professional woman into the role of battered woman, victim and compliant although unintentional partner in the abuse and ultimate death of a little girl. Ms. Nussbaum shows us that no person is immune from abuse. I feel it needs another run through by an editor as I did see some spelling and punctuation errors.

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very disturbing as it was written by Lisa's "Fake" mother. Hedda Nussbaum never legally adopted Lisa or Mitchell. Hedda allowed herself to be manipulated by a psychotic half wit so called lawyer who was clearly out of control, abusive, on drugs freebasing cocaine in front of the children. Joe killed Lisa but Hedda should have been convicted as well. She claims she was a victim of circumstance. I say bollocks to that. Hedda got what she deserved from Joe because she allowed herself to be controlled by this monster. But there is no excuse for not protecting the children. Claiming to be on drugs is not a valid reason to not rescue your children from a drug addict abuser who is clearly out of control. Totally unacceptable. Hedda had a good job as an editor and she was a very smart lady before she hooked up with that loser. She claims she was blinded by love. Excuse me while I go throw up. Hedda...you make me sick to my stomach and it should have been you that died. Not a helpless 6 year old girl who was starved, neglected, battered and finally murdered. Why do you get to walk away free and clear ? F"ck the system because it is completly flawed. And you took advantage of that to save your own sorry ass. You could have saved Lisa's life by dialing 911 but you were to selfish to care.

[Briar Graovac · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to comment on the story. I believe every word of what Hedda Nussbaum says about her life with Joel Steinberg and what happened to her daughter. Her story lines up with the narrative of so many other people who get into relationships characterized by escalating abuse. It's real and it's horrifying, and her story is extreme. I hope she's been able to find some peace.

I've said in previous reviews of memoirs that I sometimes find it's not entirely fair to critique the writing when the subject matter is so serious and important. That said, I was surprised to see that this is a self-published book--so-called controversy or not, about which I call bullshit, by the way, it's hard to imagine a major publisher not being desperate for this. Unfortunately, this means it has the problem of poor editing and formatting that comes with a lot of self-published books (to say nothing of the cover). If you're reading it on the Kindle, there are some major formatting errors. While Ms. Nussbaum describes herself as a writer, and I believe she might have been a good one at one point, the book is flawed and could have used a thorough edit for overall structure, as it seems to shift from a more narrative past tense to present tense to a kind of diary structure and while it could have been made amazing with a good edit or two, as it is, it's a bit muddled.

But still a worthwhile read. But obviously, major trigger warning. It's tough.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came upon this case while doing research for my podcast IPV and Me which is about domestic abuse ( https://rss.com/podcasts/ipvandme/ )

This book is a very accurate description of the true control and brainwashing of being abused. It was very upsetting as it involves the death of a child. It should be recommended reading for any woman. Especially if you are one of those people who don't understand 'why women don't leave'.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best description of how abuse begins and why a woman may stay. She had wonderful detail.

[Diana Vuiller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not impressed

I'm an RN, so I know about abuse & am sympathetic to those who live that life....BUT, there are so many things that Hedda blames this on that it is unbelievable. I truly think she had more control over the situation. I'm truly sorry for her physical abused & the death of her daughter though. Writing could have used a prof reader also.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Needs a good editor.

I decided to read this after watching an early episode of Law and Order, that was loosely based on this case. I appreciate that Hedda has shared her story of domestic violence. I hope that this can help other women and children in the same circumstances.
This book would have greatly benefited from a good proofreader and editor.

[Courtney Conatser · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book:’( Hedda writes so well, It was so unbearably sad but I was with her the whole time.

[Lyn Richards · Rating 3 out of 5]

intriguing

I read the book in one day, because this story has fascinated me since 1987. However, the writing does not capture the horror, control, or damage done that I imagined must have taken place. It’s written rather benignly. It left me asking myself if that’s all that really happened? Really? That’s it? How in the world does a person ever recover from her story? But in this book, she recovers completely. No permanent damage. I should think these events would haunt a person to their grave.

[Ana Jacobo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Behind the scenes of a real case

This book will give you all the emotions from rage to pity, to understand how a person can endure pain on an abusive relationship and the lost of a child. It breaks my heart that a little girl has to die so law can take consideration on domestic violence.

[Margaret · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible, not worth it. A easier of time