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Deconstructing: Leaving Church, Finding Faith
A gentle, wise guide for everyone deconstructing their beliefs and struggling with the role of faith in their life
As a “good Christian,” Karla Kamstra attended church every Sunday, listened to the pastor, and committed to functions and activities. But no amount of participation could shake her growing sense of spiritual unrest. As time went on, she realized that she was doing Christianity on autopilot—going through the motions, but spiritually checked out.
She finally understood that the rules of the church were keeping God inside a too-small box, and it was time to let "Him" out. And so Karla embarked upon her sacred journey of healing her religious trauma and reclaiming her spirituality.
Now, Rev Karla shares her journey in this wise, gentle guide to help anyone struggling with the role of faith in their lives. Readers are called to demolish the oppressive, patriarchal structure upon which their faith has been built, repair what experiences with dysfunctional and destructive religion may have done to them, and restore their hearts and souls. DECONSTRUCTING will lead readers from silent obedience to sacred empowerment, from religious dogma to spiritual freedom, from toxic theology to authentic faith. For anyone chafing against the confines of church doctrine—it's time to release God from the rules.
As a “good Christian,” Karla Kamstra attended church every Sunday, listened to the pastor, and committed to functions and activities. But no amount of participation could shake her growing sense of spiritual unrest. As time went on, she realized that she was doing Christianity on autopilot—going through the motions, but spiritually checked out.
She finally understood that the rules of the church were keeping God inside a too-small box, and it was time to let "Him" out. And so Karla embarked upon her sacred journey of healing her religious trauma and reclaiming her spirituality.
Now, Rev Karla shares her journey in this wise, gentle guide to help anyone struggling with the role of faith in their lives. Readers are called to demolish the oppressive, patriarchal structure upon which their faith has been built, repair what experiences with dysfunctional and destructive religion may have done to them, and restore their hearts and souls. DECONSTRUCTING will lead readers from silent obedience to sacred empowerment, from religious dogma to spiritual freedom, from toxic theology to authentic faith. For anyone chafing against the confines of church doctrine—it's time to release God from the rules.
230 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 8, 2024
42 people are currently reading
1685 people want to read
About the author
Karla Kamstra
1 book18 followersAs an ordained interfaith minister and sought-after spiritual mentor and powerful educator, Rev Karla shines a light on the path for those struggling with religious trauma or those questioning their religious heritage, offering a way to reclaim authentic spirituality. With a robust following across social media and an innate gift to connect deeply, Rev Karla’s content is a call for all seeking clarity beyond religious confines. She explores topics from deconstructing Christianity, healing religious trauma, the spiritual-but-not-religious path, and the dangers of Christian nationalism. She is breaking down barriers and creating a more inclusive and compassionate world. With her unwavering commitment to this vision, Rev Karla is a passionate advocate for social justice and equity and teaches people how one’s spirituality is more of a reflection of our kindness and compassion than our focus on the afterlife. She helps those inspiring a journey towards empowered living and authentic spirituality.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
May 19, 2024
Let's state the obvious up front. Karla Kamstra's "Deconstructing: Leaving Church, Finding Faith" will have its detractors.
It will be ripped apart in certain Christian circles, especially those of a more evangelical persuasion.
Yet, and I'm sure Kamstra is already aware of this, it is also likely to be at least a little rejected by even the more progressive side of Christianity struggling her more interfaith approach to spirituality and broadened views on what it means to "deconstruct" not quite resonating.
For those unaware, Rev. Karla Kamstra maintains a Tik-Tok ministry with over 500,000 followers. In this setting (and yes, I believe a social media-based ministry is legit), Kamstra has taken God out of the dogmatic, denominational box and placed Her (and yes, Kamstra has an entire chapter on the Divine Feminine) into a more universal realm.
So, for Kamstra, "Deconstructing" is both an exploration of her own religious trauma and ultimate deconstruction toward a widened and more inclusive relationship with faith and with jesus and a gentle guide for others seeking to maintain spirituality in a less tangled and healthier way.
Over the course of "Deconstructing," Kamstra takes us into the spiritual wilderness while discussing the emotional fallout and deep-diving into patriarchy, Biblical issues, the hurtful church, discovering the divine, reconciliation, next steps, and life after deconstruction. In each of the book's nine chapters, Kamstra offers both reflection points and tangible action guides toward embarking on the journey in a way that empowers self-care and also reflects her own journey.
I appreciated, as well, Kamstra's inclusion of resources, definitions, and even some contemporary artists who have experienced some degree of deconstruction (for example, Nichole Nordeman).
"Deconstructing" will most resonate those feeling more comfortable with an interfaith spirituality that breaks down walls and passionately affirms. For those seeking a more Christian-based, or even evangelical, approach toward the subject "Deconstructing" is likely to feel incomplete.
As an ordained interfaith pastor who currently aligns with the Presbyterian denomination (PC-USA) but is not ordained Presbyterian, I found much to appreciate within "Deconstructing" and found Rev. Karla to in many ways remind me of the pastor I studied under as I was healing from the religious trauma of my childhood (as a Jehovah's Witness, undeniably cultish). While my own journey remains more centered within Christianity, "Deconstructing" is a valuable guide for those exploring the full spectrum of what it means to be faithful and what it means to discover a life-affirming and giving faith.
At times, I found "Deconstructing" more prescriptive than facilitating. This was especially true early in the book and in the section where Kamstra's obvious passion for the Divine Feminine comes to life. I also, at times, longed for Kamstra to lean more into her background for those of us for whom "Deconstructing" is an introduction to her ministry.
However, these are minor quibbles for what is an otherwise gentle (possibly too gentle), honest, and authentic journey through what it means to deconstruct and what it means to ultimately discover one's own faith journey whether immersed in Christianity, Buddhism, interfaith spirituality, or others.
It will be ripped apart in certain Christian circles, especially those of a more evangelical persuasion.
Yet, and I'm sure Kamstra is already aware of this, it is also likely to be at least a little rejected by even the more progressive side of Christianity struggling her more interfaith approach to spirituality and broadened views on what it means to "deconstruct" not quite resonating.
For those unaware, Rev. Karla Kamstra maintains a Tik-Tok ministry with over 500,000 followers. In this setting (and yes, I believe a social media-based ministry is legit), Kamstra has taken God out of the dogmatic, denominational box and placed Her (and yes, Kamstra has an entire chapter on the Divine Feminine) into a more universal realm.
So, for Kamstra, "Deconstructing" is both an exploration of her own religious trauma and ultimate deconstruction toward a widened and more inclusive relationship with faith and with jesus and a gentle guide for others seeking to maintain spirituality in a less tangled and healthier way.
Over the course of "Deconstructing," Kamstra takes us into the spiritual wilderness while discussing the emotional fallout and deep-diving into patriarchy, Biblical issues, the hurtful church, discovering the divine, reconciliation, next steps, and life after deconstruction. In each of the book's nine chapters, Kamstra offers both reflection points and tangible action guides toward embarking on the journey in a way that empowers self-care and also reflects her own journey.
I appreciated, as well, Kamstra's inclusion of resources, definitions, and even some contemporary artists who have experienced some degree of deconstruction (for example, Nichole Nordeman).
"Deconstructing" will most resonate those feeling more comfortable with an interfaith spirituality that breaks down walls and passionately affirms. For those seeking a more Christian-based, or even evangelical, approach toward the subject "Deconstructing" is likely to feel incomplete.
As an ordained interfaith pastor who currently aligns with the Presbyterian denomination (PC-USA) but is not ordained Presbyterian, I found much to appreciate within "Deconstructing" and found Rev. Karla to in many ways remind me of the pastor I studied under as I was healing from the religious trauma of my childhood (as a Jehovah's Witness, undeniably cultish). While my own journey remains more centered within Christianity, "Deconstructing" is a valuable guide for those exploring the full spectrum of what it means to be faithful and what it means to discover a life-affirming and giving faith.
At times, I found "Deconstructing" more prescriptive than facilitating. This was especially true early in the book and in the section where Kamstra's obvious passion for the Divine Feminine comes to life. I also, at times, longed for Kamstra to lean more into her background for those of us for whom "Deconstructing" is an introduction to her ministry.
However, these are minor quibbles for what is an otherwise gentle (possibly too gentle), honest, and authentic journey through what it means to deconstruct and what it means to ultimately discover one's own faith journey whether immersed in Christianity, Buddhism, interfaith spirituality, or others.
January 15, 2025
Some chapters lacked sufficient depth, yet the overarching theme of finding your truth in spirituality rather than religion resonated with me.
November 9, 2024
I found this author through her inspiring content on TikTok and really resonated with her kind and thoughtful messages. I won this ARC through Goodreads, and I’m glad to have a copy of my own that I could make notes and highlights of concepts and quotes that I found to be so helpful.
Karla is a very kind soul and her book discusses the discovery of your own personal faith journey in a very authentic and honest perspective.
A quote from another reviewer Daniel, that I felt encapsulated my experience with this book and Karla’s message:
“She champions a spirituality that is empathetic, accepting, and liberating to the individual.”
Karla is a very kind soul and her book discusses the discovery of your own personal faith journey in a very authentic and honest perspective.
A quote from another reviewer Daniel, that I felt encapsulated my experience with this book and Karla’s message:
“She champions a spirituality that is empathetic, accepting, and liberating to the individual.”
July 19, 2024
This was a really interesting book, and I appreciated the Author's honesty and vulnerability in discussing her struggles with the evangelical church and finally leaving and finding her own faith in her own way. I found it difficult to connect with the author's story, potentially because I live in Canada and the evangelical church in Canada on the whole looks nothing like the evangelical church in the US, or because although I have deconstructed some pieces of the faith I was raised in I have not felt the need to leave the church completely. I also found that though the author said several times that people need to find what works for them and let go of what they need to let go of and find what they need to find based on their own lives, she also made it seem that if you didn't let go of the things that she let go of and embrace the things she embraced that you weren't doing it right. I think this book would speak far more to someone deconstructing from the US evangelical church, than to someone like myself who was raised in far less restrictive church environments.
December 7, 2024
I am drawn to memoirs connected with journeys of faith and doubt, as deconstruction is a major part of my story. There is a little of this in this book, which was interesting and enjoyable enough, however, it is mostly syrupy therapy-type talk to fellow women who are also deconstructing, and her style was off-putting to me. For some reason, her consistent use of the word “beloved” crawled under my skin—I really don’t know why this was so triggering.
I wish the book was only about her leaving church and finding faith. But as the preachy and moralizing sections indicated, it was her leaving church and becoming woke. Karla, like so many of those who have deconstructed, is someone who left Christian fundamentalism and entered a cult. It seems that I am one of the few who deconstructed but did not convert to this new leftist religion. It sometimes is a marvel that this is where so many post-evangelicals end up. To me, it is like they left one bad relationship for another, and yet they gush about how perfect the new one is—utterly oblivious to the toxic elements.
Woke is the new Puritanism; it has the doctrine of original sin and total depravity (being white, male, cis-gender, Christian) and invasive laws for every aspect of life. For those who are white--there is to be continual shame and beatdowns. White members are to ruminate on just how toxic, privileged, irredeemable, and oppressive they are and to do the work. Everyone else (those who are not white, well white trans people are okay) are just to dwell in their oppression, to be daily traumatized, to mind read, take offense, be continually triggered, hate white men, the West, and to rage--it must eventually get exhausting and is horrible for mental health and relationships—as those who have left the woke cult testify.
This leftist Identity cult often seems highly tribal, judgmental, and intolerant. There is no freedom of thought; to belong--there must be absolute ideological conformity. The woke speech codes are arbitrary and their dogma evolves--often into increasingly absurd, harmful, and irrational extremes, so adherents must stay on their toes and follow the new dictates or else. It offers no grace or mercy; no second chances for those who make a mistake--heretics are to be ruthlessly destroyed and canceled by the self-righteous virtue signalers. It demands white people to "do the work" until they die; continuing to grovel and flagellate themselves without an end. There is not much peace of mind--as lefties need to catastrophize regularly, be angry, protest, hate Israel, dismantle the patriarchy, and see oppression, racism, and injustice everywhere.
It is something that someone can leave one abusive religious community and only enter into another toxic community, and yet think it is pure bliss. She is happy to condemn anyone else who doesn't want to be part of the cult as either part of the patriarchy or as someone who carries water for the patriarchy. She judges evangelicals whose love was conditional on her keeping the “correct beliefs” and not doubting or questioning the dogmas in the Fundamentalist church. But my goodness, think what would happen to her if she questioned or doubted any of the new tenants of her woke faith? Just look at what happens to the heretics! Woke love is incredibly conditional. Do not toe the line? Then those who are still in the woke cult will find you to be unsafe—they will find your speech to be violent, and they will think you are a Nazi and a white supremacist. But hey, she likely believes it all and thus belongs, so she should be able to be as happy as those who are happy in a fundamentalist church, that is, until she wakes up. Maybe it won’t happen. But my heart goes out to her, in case she ever needs to deconstruct from this new religion. Her Tictok followers would turn on a dime, moving from adoration to demanding that she be burned at the stake.
I wish the book was only about her leaving church and finding faith. But as the preachy and moralizing sections indicated, it was her leaving church and becoming woke. Karla, like so many of those who have deconstructed, is someone who left Christian fundamentalism and entered a cult. It seems that I am one of the few who deconstructed but did not convert to this new leftist religion. It sometimes is a marvel that this is where so many post-evangelicals end up. To me, it is like they left one bad relationship for another, and yet they gush about how perfect the new one is—utterly oblivious to the toxic elements.
Woke is the new Puritanism; it has the doctrine of original sin and total depravity (being white, male, cis-gender, Christian) and invasive laws for every aspect of life. For those who are white--there is to be continual shame and beatdowns. White members are to ruminate on just how toxic, privileged, irredeemable, and oppressive they are and to do the work. Everyone else (those who are not white, well white trans people are okay) are just to dwell in their oppression, to be daily traumatized, to mind read, take offense, be continually triggered, hate white men, the West, and to rage--it must eventually get exhausting and is horrible for mental health and relationships—as those who have left the woke cult testify.
This leftist Identity cult often seems highly tribal, judgmental, and intolerant. There is no freedom of thought; to belong--there must be absolute ideological conformity. The woke speech codes are arbitrary and their dogma evolves--often into increasingly absurd, harmful, and irrational extremes, so adherents must stay on their toes and follow the new dictates or else. It offers no grace or mercy; no second chances for those who make a mistake--heretics are to be ruthlessly destroyed and canceled by the self-righteous virtue signalers. It demands white people to "do the work" until they die; continuing to grovel and flagellate themselves without an end. There is not much peace of mind--as lefties need to catastrophize regularly, be angry, protest, hate Israel, dismantle the patriarchy, and see oppression, racism, and injustice everywhere.
It is something that someone can leave one abusive religious community and only enter into another toxic community, and yet think it is pure bliss. She is happy to condemn anyone else who doesn't want to be part of the cult as either part of the patriarchy or as someone who carries water for the patriarchy. She judges evangelicals whose love was conditional on her keeping the “correct beliefs” and not doubting or questioning the dogmas in the Fundamentalist church. But my goodness, think what would happen to her if she questioned or doubted any of the new tenants of her woke faith? Just look at what happens to the heretics! Woke love is incredibly conditional. Do not toe the line? Then those who are still in the woke cult will find you to be unsafe—they will find your speech to be violent, and they will think you are a Nazi and a white supremacist. But hey, she likely believes it all and thus belongs, so she should be able to be as happy as those who are happy in a fundamentalist church, that is, until she wakes up. Maybe it won’t happen. But my heart goes out to her, in case she ever needs to deconstruct from this new religion. Her Tictok followers would turn on a dime, moving from adoration to demanding that she be burned at the stake.
October 9, 2024
Deconstructing (Leaving Church, Finding Faith) by Karla Kamstra
Overall Grade: B
Narration: A-
Information/Memoir: B
Writing/Organization: C
Best Aspect: This book may be helpful for many who have or are thinking of leaving organized religion.
Worst Aspect: Often the author said “will cover that in chapter ‘X’ and this broke the flow and understanding of each topic she covered.
Recommend: Yes.
Overall Grade: B
Narration: A-
Information/Memoir: B
Writing/Organization: C
Best Aspect: This book may be helpful for many who have or are thinking of leaving organized religion.
Worst Aspect: Often the author said “will cover that in chapter ‘X’ and this broke the flow and understanding of each topic she covered.
Recommend: Yes.
September 16, 2024
I wanted to enjoy, or at least be fascinated by this book, but I was thoroughly disappointed in it. The author bashed all of the church, not just the specific churches she attended or the denominations she was most familiar with. There are thousands of Christian denominations and millions of churches, from megachurches to small house churches consisting of less than a dozen people. It's far too narrow-minded a view to paint them all in a negative light. The author also had a specific set of beliefs and seemed to communicate that her set of beliefs was the only right way of thinking, while at the same time insisting that those who left the church are thinking correctly, even though those who left the church can have many different views. The stark contradiction doesn't make sense. Overall, the book came across as hypocritical and convulated.
However, I appreciated the author's honesty with her story, and I do support the idea of searching for God elsewhere, rather than just through your pastor, which was the main message of the book. The delivery of the message was simply less than ideal.
However, I appreciated the author's honesty with her story, and I do support the idea of searching for God elsewhere, rather than just through your pastor, which was the main message of the book. The delivery of the message was simply less than ideal.
November 6, 2024
Rev Karla’s book really helped me so much in giving me a guide to follow as I do this hard work of deconstructing. I will be referring to it time and time again I am sure as I progress. It was easy to read and very encouraging. I’m looking forward to going back and writing in my journal for all the prompts she made at the end of each chapter although I did write a lot in my book already! LOVED THIS BOOK! ***** 5 stars all the way!!
September 2, 2024
As someone currently trying to figure out faith for myself, this was an excellent read. The author, Karla Kamstra, provides insight into her journey with leaving the church, and deconstructing her faith to determine what spirituality is for her. She recognizes everyone goes through their own journey, but gives you topics to consider for yourself. It is a helpful tool for those struggling with the their own journey with the church, and figuring out what is best for them.
July 14, 2025
Wow, this book spoke to me in ways that the literal Bible has failed to do. As a deconstructing exvangelical, this was reassurance that peace is findable, and I can let go of the spiritual abuse that was drilled into me from a young age. I'm lending my copy of this to my mum!
August 23, 2024
Karla Kamstra is a Tiktok minister. This book is part memoir and part "how to" guide for those "deconstructing" from the faith of their childhood or religious heritage. This book will undoubtedly help people, there are many that are struggling with the journey of healing from spiritual trauma. There is no "there" to get to, no goal, no destination. Mostly this book is for those who were formerly a part of a high control, fundamentalist, "evangelical" American type religion. Ex IBLP, Ex JWs, Ex Southern Baptists, etc, this book may be for you. Basically any church that does not allow women to preach or with a patriarchal definition of God.
It is challenging to leave a fellowship and community, even a damaging one. Losing your entire support system feels like an emptying of your life, and it can feel lonely at best and suffocating and terrifying at worst. Reading this book helped me learn more about what her experience was like and making space for those who have a different story than our own. There are many people that are what I call "spiritual refugees" and Kamstra describes as being in the "spiritual wilderness."
I really liked how she describes "what church has gotten wrong" and "what church has gotten right." She has a great sense of "both things can be true" meaning "my church taught me harmful and incorrect teachings meant to manipulate and control" AND "my church gave me tremendous community, sense of purpose, and did wonderful things for the community." BOTH of those things can be true. "Nazis and KKK and Southerners who Enslaved people ALL used Christianity to justify their actions" AND "Universities, hospitals, reading programs, food pantries, shelters all were and are created by and for people driven by Christian principles"- BOTH those things can be true. I learned some stupid and untrue things in churches. I learned some pure and beautiful and loving things in church. Both of those things are true.
I have respect for Karla's journey and her seminary degree. Personally I have always been a seeker and I feel happy and content and aware of God's presence in my life today. For me, I absolutely need an affirming, inclusive community that allows me to explore my own journey while giving me spiritual direction and tradition.
One of my favorite questions she asks; "Why have I never seen that I can be inspired by the Jesus story without being bound to toxic theology? That's where we can find the real Jesus."
I am a little cautious of those who find spirituality very independently and "worship their own way" at home without any kind of direction. I think it is way too easy to just be led by algorithms and not be challenged. Way too easy to create my own God in my own image. That said, I spent a LOT of time there myself, because I was too burned, hurt, and damaged by spiritual trauma to be a part of organized religion. I believe that the Holy Spirit led me back to organized religion when I was ready. I am so grateful for it today. It took 20 years in the "spiritual wilderness" and a lot of therapy and healing. I think it is important to be accountable, a part of a community, to learn how to worship in community with people that have different beliefs than I do. As long as someone's beliefs don't harm someone else, as long as they do not deny someone else's acceptance into Jesus's family, I am cool with singing hymns with you. Meeting someone where they are is important. Community isn't contingent upon 100% shared beliefs.
Another useful exercise in this book are some journal prompts. They do not try to "convince" you of any particular theology but really get you thinking about what types of narratives have been imposed on you. Kamstra really encourages people to take responsibility for their own healing.
Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for the ARC. Book to be released Oct 8, 2024.
It is challenging to leave a fellowship and community, even a damaging one. Losing your entire support system feels like an emptying of your life, and it can feel lonely at best and suffocating and terrifying at worst. Reading this book helped me learn more about what her experience was like and making space for those who have a different story than our own. There are many people that are what I call "spiritual refugees" and Kamstra describes as being in the "spiritual wilderness."
I really liked how she describes "what church has gotten wrong" and "what church has gotten right." She has a great sense of "both things can be true" meaning "my church taught me harmful and incorrect teachings meant to manipulate and control" AND "my church gave me tremendous community, sense of purpose, and did wonderful things for the community." BOTH of those things can be true. "Nazis and KKK and Southerners who Enslaved people ALL used Christianity to justify their actions" AND "Universities, hospitals, reading programs, food pantries, shelters all were and are created by and for people driven by Christian principles"- BOTH those things can be true. I learned some stupid and untrue things in churches. I learned some pure and beautiful and loving things in church. Both of those things are true.
I have respect for Karla's journey and her seminary degree. Personally I have always been a seeker and I feel happy and content and aware of God's presence in my life today. For me, I absolutely need an affirming, inclusive community that allows me to explore my own journey while giving me spiritual direction and tradition.
One of my favorite questions she asks; "Why have I never seen that I can be inspired by the Jesus story without being bound to toxic theology? That's where we can find the real Jesus."
I am a little cautious of those who find spirituality very independently and "worship their own way" at home without any kind of direction. I think it is way too easy to just be led by algorithms and not be challenged. Way too easy to create my own God in my own image. That said, I spent a LOT of time there myself, because I was too burned, hurt, and damaged by spiritual trauma to be a part of organized religion. I believe that the Holy Spirit led me back to organized religion when I was ready. I am so grateful for it today. It took 20 years in the "spiritual wilderness" and a lot of therapy and healing. I think it is important to be accountable, a part of a community, to learn how to worship in community with people that have different beliefs than I do. As long as someone's beliefs don't harm someone else, as long as they do not deny someone else's acceptance into Jesus's family, I am cool with singing hymns with you. Meeting someone where they are is important. Community isn't contingent upon 100% shared beliefs.
Another useful exercise in this book are some journal prompts. They do not try to "convince" you of any particular theology but really get you thinking about what types of narratives have been imposed on you. Kamstra really encourages people to take responsibility for their own healing.
Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for the ARC. Book to be released Oct 8, 2024.
October 17, 2024
So much respect for Pastor Karla. What a courageous example of honest, empathetic love.
“The true self is the part of us who knows who we are simply because we are here. This true self assures us that our worth isn't contingent upon our physical attributes, our wealth, our intelligence, or our status.
“None of those matter. Those are outward-facing aspects of us that are the results of our work or simply our lot in life. The true self inherently knows that all manner of things are good and deserving of love and respect, including us.”
— Karla Kamstra in her “Deconstructing : Leaving Church Finding Faith“ pg 186.
"Leaving the Fold" is recommended reading! Marlene Winell gets some well deserved recognition.
Karla’s book is reassuring that some faith communities can and do have way healthier relationships with human spirituality than what I ever knew in my family of origin. I’m not ready to re-embrace “faith” as in supernatural/superstitious beliefs, and if I get the point of this beautiful book: that's perfectly fine, too.
The book repurposes faith, and does so very different than your typical run of the mill dogmatic Christian apologist variety. Karla's strength and humility of character, shines through: a testament to the dignity of her hard-won wisdom. Very fascinating read, and the most "spiritual" book I have read in a long while. I think Karla’s work is much needed.
Karla is clear that her journey is her own, and unique. I can appreciate her clear thinking, honest doubt, and deep empathy for the human condition of “faith”. She champions a spirituality that is empathetic, accepting, and liberating to the individual. "Unchurched" has a deeper meaning to me, refreshing meaning too.
“The true self is the part of us who knows who we are simply because we are here. This true self assures us that our worth isn't contingent upon our physical attributes, our wealth, our intelligence, or our status.
“None of those matter. Those are outward-facing aspects of us that are the results of our work or simply our lot in life. The true self inherently knows that all manner of things are good and deserving of love and respect, including us.”
— Karla Kamstra in her “Deconstructing : Leaving Church Finding Faith“ pg 186.
"Leaving the Fold" is recommended reading! Marlene Winell gets some well deserved recognition.
Karla’s book is reassuring that some faith communities can and do have way healthier relationships with human spirituality than what I ever knew in my family of origin. I’m not ready to re-embrace “faith” as in supernatural/superstitious beliefs, and if I get the point of this beautiful book: that's perfectly fine, too.
The book repurposes faith, and does so very different than your typical run of the mill dogmatic Christian apologist variety. Karla's strength and humility of character, shines through: a testament to the dignity of her hard-won wisdom. Very fascinating read, and the most "spiritual" book I have read in a long while. I think Karla’s work is much needed.
Karla is clear that her journey is her own, and unique. I can appreciate her clear thinking, honest doubt, and deep empathy for the human condition of “faith”. She champions a spirituality that is empathetic, accepting, and liberating to the individual. "Unchurched" has a deeper meaning to me, refreshing meaning too.
February 3, 2025
"Deconstructing from Christianity is hard soul work. That work can begin with your answering one question: "What inside me needs to be healed so I can show up in my life as a better version of myself?" Then do that work. In the end, it's worth it."
"Who's to say that without the prayers of those women that I would have discovered that I was pain-free on the tenth day of my condition? We'll never know. I've ready enough and witnessed first-hand situations that could only be described as miracles. Because of that, I cannot dismiss the possibility that the power of prayer holds some sacred energy that can mystifyingly find its way across this vast landscape of humanity and alight on me, freeing me from what would have been a miserable existence. In deconstructing my faith, I didn't deconstruct the mystery of miracles--I simply deconstructed from the belief that they only occur inside Christianity. The world is filled with stories much more miraculous than mine, from religious and nonreligious experiences around the world. Whatever this healing Divine energy is, it can be tapped into for the greater good. It is also vastly misunderstood, especially when one group attempts to gatekeep it for their own selfish gain... for the miracle is available to us all."
"For those of us who were taught that to be the good Christian we must contort ourselves to exist within that framework, reclaiming your spirituality means we are flipping the script. Instead of becoming what the church says we must be, we show up asking how church can enrich our spiritual experience. This, I believe, is the way it was always supposed to be. Religion, in its purest form, is a nurturer of an individual's soul. Sadly, that is not the case in many religions, including Christianity."
"Who's to say that without the prayers of those women that I would have discovered that I was pain-free on the tenth day of my condition? We'll never know. I've ready enough and witnessed first-hand situations that could only be described as miracles. Because of that, I cannot dismiss the possibility that the power of prayer holds some sacred energy that can mystifyingly find its way across this vast landscape of humanity and alight on me, freeing me from what would have been a miserable existence. In deconstructing my faith, I didn't deconstruct the mystery of miracles--I simply deconstructed from the belief that they only occur inside Christianity. The world is filled with stories much more miraculous than mine, from religious and nonreligious experiences around the world. Whatever this healing Divine energy is, it can be tapped into for the greater good. It is also vastly misunderstood, especially when one group attempts to gatekeep it for their own selfish gain... for the miracle is available to us all."
"For those of us who were taught that to be the good Christian we must contort ourselves to exist within that framework, reclaiming your spirituality means we are flipping the script. Instead of becoming what the church says we must be, we show up asking how church can enrich our spiritual experience. This, I believe, is the way it was always supposed to be. Religion, in its purest form, is a nurturer of an individual's soul. Sadly, that is not the case in many religions, including Christianity."
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February 6, 2025I'm not rating this book because I'm not the intended audience for it.
I'm sure there's a lot of value here for people in the beginning stages of questioning faith and exploring a more historical-academic approach to the creation of organized religion and translation of Scripture. Or those looking for a starting place to unpack religious trauma and conditioning.
However, for those who have already done a lot of the initial work, this book will feel shallow. It lacks the emotional depth of a memoir like Well-Trained Wife, the academic rigor of something like The God Conflict, or the theological background of C.S. Lewis (mentioned frequently in the book).
There is also a serious oversight in the ways in which women hurt women in Christian churches. Does a lot of this have to do with the patriarchal structure of this institutions? Yes. However, to completely disregard the pain women in positions of female power in these organizations (like the author before her exit) hold through acts of shaming, shunning, and withholding--acts that a woman as entrenched in this culture as the author claims to be almost certainly participated in--shows a lack of self-awareness that gave this book the not-quite-right feeling of a former MLM-hun memoir where someone close to but not quite at the top, positions themselves as a victim while thoroughly ignoring the pain they almost assuredly caused others.
I'm sure there's a lot of value here for people in the beginning stages of questioning faith and exploring a more historical-academic approach to the creation of organized religion and translation of Scripture. Or those looking for a starting place to unpack religious trauma and conditioning.
However, for those who have already done a lot of the initial work, this book will feel shallow. It lacks the emotional depth of a memoir like Well-Trained Wife, the academic rigor of something like The God Conflict, or the theological background of C.S. Lewis (mentioned frequently in the book).
There is also a serious oversight in the ways in which women hurt women in Christian churches. Does a lot of this have to do with the patriarchal structure of this institutions? Yes. However, to completely disregard the pain women in positions of female power in these organizations (like the author before her exit) hold through acts of shaming, shunning, and withholding--acts that a woman as entrenched in this culture as the author claims to be almost certainly participated in--shows a lack of self-awareness that gave this book the not-quite-right feeling of a former MLM-hun memoir where someone close to but not quite at the top, positions themselves as a victim while thoroughly ignoring the pain they almost assuredly caused others.
October 8, 2024
There is so much in this book that resonated with me, from misogyny, spiritual abuse and gaslighting, excluding the LGBTQ+ community, relationships that are based entirely on church activities, a desire for in-house training rather than theological training, and elevating young men chosen by leadership to become pastors, leaders and advisors before there is any emotional maturity.
For all of these reasons I have become unchurched and know many who have, but there’s one difference from my experience to the author’s - I still believe in Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The issues I have with the various churches I have attended or considered attending are due to the perversion of scripture rather than my belief in the Trinity.
The author hints in Chapter 4 that she believes the resurrection to be a parable ir allegory like some okd testament books like Daniel, Job and Jonah, without explanation. Then again in Chapter 8 states that Jesus is no longer central ti her spirituality.
What is missing for me in this book is why? I’d love to understand the research and thought process she went through since there are many different types of deconstructions and this is glaringly absent in the book.
Thanks to the publisher for a free electronic copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
For all of these reasons I have become unchurched and know many who have, but there’s one difference from my experience to the author’s - I still believe in Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The issues I have with the various churches I have attended or considered attending are due to the perversion of scripture rather than my belief in the Trinity.
The author hints in Chapter 4 that she believes the resurrection to be a parable ir allegory like some okd testament books like Daniel, Job and Jonah, without explanation. Then again in Chapter 8 states that Jesus is no longer central ti her spirituality.
What is missing for me in this book is why? I’d love to understand the research and thought process she went through since there are many different types of deconstructions and this is glaringly absent in the book.
Thanks to the publisher for a free electronic copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
August 14, 2025
“I try not to say I’ve deconstructed. I am deconstructing and will be for the rest of my life.”
Title: Deconstructing: Leaving Church, Finding Faith
Author: Karla Kamstra
⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is a non-fiction, religious self-help book.
In this book, the author shares her journey and how she began to deconstruct her beliefs. Growing up in a very strict, southern Baptist style church, there were a lot of experiences that once she started to have doubts she knew she needed to look deeper at her faith. She offers some journaling prompts at the end of each chapter to think through and process if you are using the book to help you in your process of looking through and deconstructing your own faith.
For me, this was an average read. I enjoyed her compassion and open mindedness toward each person who would come to this book and how it could look different for each of them. I was not familiar with her or her experience before reading this book. I was able to get this book free as a download from Libro FM. She has a lot of information available through podcast and her Instagram as well as her Facebook
Title: Deconstructing: Leaving Church, Finding Faith
Author: Karla Kamstra
⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is a non-fiction, religious self-help book.
In this book, the author shares her journey and how she began to deconstruct her beliefs. Growing up in a very strict, southern Baptist style church, there were a lot of experiences that once she started to have doubts she knew she needed to look deeper at her faith. She offers some journaling prompts at the end of each chapter to think through and process if you are using the book to help you in your process of looking through and deconstructing your own faith.
For me, this was an average read. I enjoyed her compassion and open mindedness toward each person who would come to this book and how it could look different for each of them. I was not familiar with her or her experience before reading this book. I was able to get this book free as a download from Libro FM. She has a lot of information available through podcast and her Instagram as well as her Facebook
March 20, 2025
I loved this book by Karla Kamstra aka Rev Karla. Her approach to deconstruction is spot on. It is not a "one size fits all" approach. It is a gentle and loving affirmation that we are all on our own path...and some of us just felt a shift somewhere in our faith that needed to be demolished, repaired and restored. We aren't all "woke liberals, looking for a license to sin" and just looking to tryout the new cool thing. I can't speak for everyone who has faced and is facing deconstruction from our deep religious backgrounds, but for me, I can say that deconstructing my own faith journey was not a quick 180 turn, it was a slow, progressive, learning and unlearning process. Digging deeper than I ever have before. I don't purport to know all the answers, but no one does and I'm ok with that. Feeling more grateful for this life and finding more peace in the journey.
September 24, 2024
I loved this book! Rev Karla kept her writing concise and on topic. Every story she shared went well with the point she was trying to make. She also very clearly went through the steps of deconstructing your faith. At the same time, she makes sure readers know that the journey is unique for each person. I appreciated the journal and timeline prompts at the end of each chapter. They really allow the reader to examine their own faith in a way that doesn't feel like "one size fits all".
A more personal connection to the book was Rev Karla mentioning "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis. Years ago, I read the same book when I first started to examine my own faith. So every time she mentioned another book, I wrote it down to read later.
A more personal connection to the book was Rev Karla mentioning "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis. Years ago, I read the same book when I first started to examine my own faith. So every time she mentioned another book, I wrote it down to read later.
October 9, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was insightful, thought provoking, and it was so evident that it came from a place of compassion. I did listen to the audiobook, and while I was able to grasp the concepts, I do think that this is one that is better to have a physical copy of so that you can easily annotate and reference as it has a lot of amazing journal prompts. I will be purchasing the physical book asap so that I can go back and re-read and get the most from it. The only reason I couldn’t give it a full 5-star review was the overuse of the endearment, “beloved” when the author was addressing the reader. It made my skin crawl every single time. Probably just my church trauma showing, but still 😖 Thank you to NetGalley and MacMillan Audio for an ALC in exchange for an honest review!
December 13, 2024
I have to voice my disappointment. The need for renewal of personal faith, and a ridding of toxic hindrances is valid and necessary. I found the writing self indulgent and reliant on religious psychobabble. Everyone’s journey is obviously going to be unique, and therefore not helped by so much personal catharsis.
Overuse of the word “Beloved”, and constant repetition of the formula “demolish, repair, restore”, and referring to self as “Rev. Karla” was just off-putting and revealed a need to be recognized as profound and smacked of self-adulation; none of which would be found in a spiritually mature person who experienced any form of brokenness.
Overuse of the word “Beloved”, and constant repetition of the formula “demolish, repair, restore”, and referring to self as “Rev. Karla” was just off-putting and revealed a need to be recognized as profound and smacked of self-adulation; none of which would be found in a spiritually mature person who experienced any form of brokenness.
July 16, 2025
I started following Rev. Karla on TikTok because what she said deeply resonated with me. After reading the book, I believe that I have actively deconstructed my religious beliefs and feel pretty good about that. Karla's prompts helped me re-examine my journey and actively put language with what I've dealt with and what I currently deal with. Reverend Karla gives a roadmap in this book to help people examine their faith life and really think deeply about where we are spiritually. I found the book to be very helpful, but probably not earth changing to me as I have already done much of the work.
October 5, 2024
Though not deconstructing from religion myself... I left church a very long time ago, an easy thing to do in a family of 'just in case' Christians... I found the personal story telling of this book interesting.
It can, in ways, be applied to any great leaving that requires a whole lifestyle change... a divorce, perhaps.
I also found the earlier chapters of simply deconstructing from patriarchy thought-provoking, as this is something most of us live with, whether through religion or not, it is woven into our cultures.
Thank you to the publisher and author for the ARC of this book.
It can, in ways, be applied to any great leaving that requires a whole lifestyle change... a divorce, perhaps.
I also found the earlier chapters of simply deconstructing from patriarchy thought-provoking, as this is something most of us live with, whether through religion or not, it is woven into our cultures.
Thank you to the publisher and author for the ARC of this book.
October 16, 2024
Rev. Karla is an amazing soul with a passion for helping people on their spiritual journey, and that shines through in this book.
If you are looking for something that will deconstruct you into another view of Christianity, this is not the text for you. If you want something that leaves things open for you to explore, you will enjoy this partial memoir, partial prescriptive journey through a wise woman's view of faith.
If you are looking for something that will deconstruct you into another view of Christianity, this is not the text for you. If you want something that leaves things open for you to explore, you will enjoy this partial memoir, partial prescriptive journey through a wise woman's view of faith.
September 20, 2024
Although I couldn’t really relate to her specific church trauma, I enjoy learning from people whose faith journey has taken an out of the box approach. I admire her courage and determination to grow and change and lead people who are also leaving behind a conservative Christian church culture. I won a free paperback copy from Goodreads.
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October 2, 2024You might think I am the target audience for this book but nope. This book is not for me. I have a detailed list of critiques but in the end, I am just going to say this book is not for me. I hope it finds its audience and that the people who need this book, find it. Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the audio ARC.
January 21, 2025
This is a wonderful resource for people who are newly deconstructing religion. Since it’s been a few years, this read more of a review for me, but would have been immensely helpful if I would have encountered it at the start of my journey.
That being said, the last two chapters were amazing. Especially her commentary on Jesus was so validating for me.
That being said, the last two chapters were amazing. Especially her commentary on Jesus was so validating for me.
March 11, 2025
Enjoyed this read. Not always the smoothest writing, but loved Karla Kamstra’s experiences and her gentle nature that comes through as she offers guidance on a journey of deconstructing your church and religious ideas. Would be worth reading again slower and doing the journaling prompts at the end of the chapter.
December 30, 2025
This was a quick read for me.
Pluses were the kindness with which it is written, the emphasis on listening to oneself as the new pathway, and Rev. Karla’s stories. I also like that she has suggestions for deeper reading.
Minuses were the grammatical errors, lack of depth in comparison to what I prefer, and some repetitiveness.
Pluses were the kindness with which it is written, the emphasis on listening to oneself as the new pathway, and Rev. Karla’s stories. I also like that she has suggestions for deeper reading.
Minuses were the grammatical errors, lack of depth in comparison to what I prefer, and some repetitiveness.
September 24, 2024
Description of this book is totally wrong. It's not about finding faith in God but finding faith by being an atheist, which isn't explained until over halfway through. Repetitive as well. Misleading. Pass.
January 27, 2025
Libby Audio - read by the author. This book was 100% my experience of evangelical religion for the first 25+ years of my life. The ideas and motives the author has raised will live in my spiritual soul from this day forward. I need my own copy to revisit as I forge this deconstructing journey.
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