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Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences
An intimate analysis of the first timeNervous, inexperienced, confused. For most, losing your virginity is one of life's most significant moments, always to be remembered. Of course, experiences vary, but Laura Carpenter Is there an ideal way to lose it? What would constitute a “positive” experience? What often compels the big step? And, further, what does “going all the way” really mean for young gays and lesbians?In this first comprehensive study of virginity loss, Carpenter teases out the complexities of all things virgin by drawing on interviews with both young men and women who are straight, gay or bisexual. Virginity Lost offers a rare window into one of life's most intimate and significant sexual moments. The stories here are frank, poignant and fascinating as Carpenter presents an array of experiences that run the gamut from triumphant to devastating.Importantly, Carpenter argues that one's experience of virginity loss can have a powerful impact on one's later sexual experiences. Especially at a time of increased debate about sexual abstinence versus safe sex education in public schools, this important volume will provide essential information about the sex lives of young people.
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2005
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334 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
May 7, 2022
This book is an excellent academic look into how people interpret virginity loss. The beginning was a little slow, but I was invested by time the author got to discussing her interviews and the three main categories of interpretation of virginity loss. It really helped me think about how I would want to talk about sex and virginity with my future children and what approach actually, statistically, would make them most likely to have a positive virginity loss experience. It is a bit outdated now, however. I’d be interested in an updated edition that looks at the following generation, especially LGBT+ individuals who can now legally get married.
July 18, 2008
Not a lot. It was pretty repetitive. However, the author did a good job of including information about many different groups of people (i.e. people of color not usually included in studies; people who are gay, lesbian, and bisexual, religious and non-religious people, etc.). Though there wasn't much information out there for these groups, the author at least included them, which will be important for future authors on the subject.
October 27, 2019
If you pick up this book thinking it's going to be full of interviews about virgin experiences and even expectations, it's not that even though the blurb may make it sound that way. Nevertheless, while I did notice that the author's conclusions are largely drawn from three or four interviewees she cites over and over again, it's still an engaging read for an academic text--and if you're an American in your early 30s, you'll probably find that one of her hypotheses of how people in America generally view their virginity either once did or currently does apply in some respect. As a character study, it can be helpful especially if you're involved in writing (or in my case, translating) stories that involve virgin experiences and views of said virginity that differ from your own to understand the various ways upbringing and social culture can make a person decide what virginity means to them and how that view naturally evolves over time. It also made me realize just how fundamentalist Christian the US laws regarding public school sex education still is, which explained a lot about my personal experience despite not living in a churchgoing household as being very religious in nature.
I honestly wished there were interview transcripts in the back, though, to get a better picture of how the author's conclusions were drawn--as well as wishing that she would have refrained from making only the lesbian and bisexual women's status as nonparents part of her description of them. It just bothered me, almost as if she was subtly implying that if these women were mothers that would either a) make them identify a stronger attraction to men or b) that it lessens their accounts because many of these women only had sexual experiences with female partners and thus were still 'technical virgins' in a sense. (Gay and bisexual men did not get this same treatment.)
I honestly wished there were interview transcripts in the back, though, to get a better picture of how the author's conclusions were drawn--as well as wishing that she would have refrained from making only the lesbian and bisexual women's status as nonparents part of her description of them. It just bothered me, almost as if she was subtly implying that if these women were mothers that would either a) make them identify a stronger attraction to men or b) that it lessens their accounts because many of these women only had sexual experiences with female partners and thus were still 'technical virgins' in a sense. (Gay and bisexual men did not get this same treatment.)
April 11, 2018
I found this book facinating to read. The interviews were candid and the research was solid. I feel that the groups of people she sampled could have been more broad.
March 25, 2020
This is my favorite academic work on sexuality I've ever read.
April 10, 2011
Before I started reading this, I read the back cover; when it promised "a rare window into one of life's most intimate and significant experiences" I got worried. Yeah, getting to the "truth" of sex requires an intimate view, but I shuddered a little imagining the fetishization of youth bodies that I imagined was to come. Now that I've finished it I realize that much of my original aversion was unwarranted. Carpenter does tell stories about sex in ways that bring you, the reader, close to the speakers' experience, and in that sense it IS voyeurism, but she does it in a way that honors the voices of her informants and highlights their willingness to share their experiences so that we can all gain a deeper understanding. On ethical terms alone, I was relieved.
Now that I've qualified my review with my main reservations, let me move on to what this book actually offers. It is not, as the title suggests, principally a portrait (intimate or otherwise), but rather begins with a sociological taxonomy of United Statesian virginity loss. The categories are three: 1) the gifters, 2) the stigmatized, and 3) the processers. That is, the ways that people born between 1962 and 1979 conceived of losing their virginity when they actually lost it as well as at the time of their interviews in 1997.
Let’s begin with a rough sketch of how the book is organized. As I said, Carpenter’s goal is to identify the ways that people conceive of virginity loss with particular attention to how that shapes their experiences of it. Her first chapter (after the outlining introduction) is also devoted to that goal, but rather than look at how particular voices have talked about it, she does a broad review of thought on virginity loss in the United States from colonization on. She mostly focuses on how virginity loss was framed by white people from different classes, but she also devotes space to how virginity – and monogamy and sexual agency – was framed by and for African Americans dealing with the structural constraints of slavery and oppression. (Despite the long history of Asian and Hispanic – as well as other “white ethnic” immigrants in the United States, she gives no space to those frames.) Having built a foundation, Carpenter now moves onto setting the stage with her own data in a short chapter on defining virginity loss today that essentially functions as an introduction to the following three chapters, each delving into the specifics of one of her categories of virginity loss discourse and experience.
The next three chapters – A Gift of One’s Own, An Unendurable Stigma, and A Natural Step – are the real meat of the book. She begins each of these chapters with a pop culture analysis; in the Gift chapter, for example, she discusses the public virginity of Britney Spears. She uses the pop culture example to highlight the elements of the particular theme that she will expand on with her own interview data. Then she chooses a series of case studies – about six per chapter – to represent the breadth (rather than the essential core) of how each theme can be experienced. These case studies are presented for analysis and intellectual consideration rather than titillation, but the author does not bundle away the affective element of their experiences and I found my cheeks heating up more than once in the coffee shop where I read.
Her ethnography is presented without judgment, but she still brings in connections to value-laden concepts, such as contraceptive use. It is only in the final two chapters that Carpenter explicitly links the frames she has carefully laid out to public health interventions. The first of those chapters pays attention to the subject of abstinence and how its framing – even by those who believe in remaining abstinent until marriage – differs from the A-H legislation defining federal funding for abstinence programs across the country. The final chapter – Virginity Lost – takes the conversation beyond the boundaries of abstinence intervention to consider what the actual needs emerged in the conversations about virginity loss with her informants, and summarizing her recommendations. However, the book does not really end there. Carpenter’s methodological appendix is easily as rich as any of her non-ethnographic chapters, and provides a useful resources and reference for youth sexuality scholars like me.
Now that I've qualified my review with my main reservations, let me move on to what this book actually offers. It is not, as the title suggests, principally a portrait (intimate or otherwise), but rather begins with a sociological taxonomy of United Statesian virginity loss. The categories are three: 1) the gifters, 2) the stigmatized, and 3) the processers. That is, the ways that people born between 1962 and 1979 conceived of losing their virginity when they actually lost it as well as at the time of their interviews in 1997.
Let’s begin with a rough sketch of how the book is organized. As I said, Carpenter’s goal is to identify the ways that people conceive of virginity loss with particular attention to how that shapes their experiences of it. Her first chapter (after the outlining introduction) is also devoted to that goal, but rather than look at how particular voices have talked about it, she does a broad review of thought on virginity loss in the United States from colonization on. She mostly focuses on how virginity loss was framed by white people from different classes, but she also devotes space to how virginity – and monogamy and sexual agency – was framed by and for African Americans dealing with the structural constraints of slavery and oppression. (Despite the long history of Asian and Hispanic – as well as other “white ethnic” immigrants in the United States, she gives no space to those frames.) Having built a foundation, Carpenter now moves onto setting the stage with her own data in a short chapter on defining virginity loss today that essentially functions as an introduction to the following three chapters, each delving into the specifics of one of her categories of virginity loss discourse and experience.
The next three chapters – A Gift of One’s Own, An Unendurable Stigma, and A Natural Step – are the real meat of the book. She begins each of these chapters with a pop culture analysis; in the Gift chapter, for example, she discusses the public virginity of Britney Spears. She uses the pop culture example to highlight the elements of the particular theme that she will expand on with her own interview data. Then she chooses a series of case studies – about six per chapter – to represent the breadth (rather than the essential core) of how each theme can be experienced. These case studies are presented for analysis and intellectual consideration rather than titillation, but the author does not bundle away the affective element of their experiences and I found my cheeks heating up more than once in the coffee shop where I read.
Her ethnography is presented without judgment, but she still brings in connections to value-laden concepts, such as contraceptive use. It is only in the final two chapters that Carpenter explicitly links the frames she has carefully laid out to public health interventions. The first of those chapters pays attention to the subject of abstinence and how its framing – even by those who believe in remaining abstinent until marriage – differs from the A-H legislation defining federal funding for abstinence programs across the country. The final chapter – Virginity Lost – takes the conversation beyond the boundaries of abstinence intervention to consider what the actual needs emerged in the conversations about virginity loss with her informants, and summarizing her recommendations. However, the book does not really end there. Carpenter’s methodological appendix is easily as rich as any of her non-ethnographic chapters, and provides a useful resources and reference for youth sexuality scholars like me.
November 14, 2010
Lj user owl_eyes_4ever says, "Virginity Lost was a very fun and informative read on the views on virginity. Interviews over 60 people of various race/ethnicity and sexual orientation, although only a small number of them are virgins at the time. To sum it up briefly, virginity loss fits into one OR two of three categories: stigma, gift, or rite of passage, often being both the 3rd and one of the first two. The first chapter discusses the history of virginity loss and how its value, or "value" developed.
Not exactly a feminist book but it does go into gender differences and I know virginity has been discussed here before to some extent. At the time I gave it a 5/5 stars - informative and knowledgable but doesn't batter you with flowery writing. However, that was two or three years ago and I have not read it since, so there may be some not-so-good things I missed that I would pick up on now. Regardless I still recommend it."
Not exactly a feminist book but it does go into gender differences and I know virginity has been discussed here before to some extent. At the time I gave it a 5/5 stars - informative and knowledgable but doesn't batter you with flowery writing. However, that was two or three years ago and I have not read it since, so there may be some not-so-good things I missed that I would pick up on now. Regardless I still recommend it."
August 25, 2009
Though not a page-turner, Carpenter brings a good game and an eminently readable peace of social science. Genuinely remarkable as an example of grounded theory, the author solicits a range of subjects' recountings of how they lost their virginity (or in a few cases, why they still have it). From this, she develops a framework based around the metaphors individuals use for describing virginity, and uses her findings to formulate intelligent public policy interventions (a goal to few sociologists have for their work). While occasionally she oversteps in her interpretations and makes a few unseemly normative judgements about her subjects, on the whole a strong piece of work that appears to have made a nice, clean jump from dissertation to book.
July 19, 2007
I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed with Laura Carpenter's work. Although I think she's spot-on regarding the topic, the book is neither intellectually invigorating nor a practical page turner. I think that if you're not in touch with youth culture you can learn a lot. But, most of the research to me (at 25) seems redundant. She doesn't take the knowledge to the next level by incorporating any form of theoretical analysis, either. But, if you’re a parent looking to better understand the life of your teen, check this one out.
January 16, 2016
While Virginity Loss is a phenomenon that has gone unexplored for too long, this work does not do enough to explore the phenomenon. I found the gaps in Carpenter's analysis problematic and the lack of nuance in the analysis troubling. I would have liked to read more anecdotes from the participants.
March 26, 2007
This one was pretty relevant to my work as a sex educator, but was not what I would call gripping non-fiction. Very informative and added some new insight to the topic of virginity. Beware for education purposes, it seems a little off if you're working with youth.
January 23, 2011
Provides a good argument for comprehensive sex education.
August 8, 2011
I found this interesting to read and very informative.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews