How Emotionally Mature Are You?: A Guide to Psychological Adulthood

by The School of Life

From The School of Life— a roadmap for the emotionally mature adult

Most of us want to be more emotionally mature and better able to face up to life’s challenges with poise, confidence, kindness and good-natured intelligence. We want to be grown-ups!

With gentleness and insight, How Emotionally Mature Are You? helps us to zero in on the key markers of psychological adulthood. It prompts us to look at how we respond to rejection, frustration, anxiety, ambiguity and hope, by asking questions such as: How much do we like ourselves? Do we worry too much about the opinions of other people? What might be the best way to become a more interesting person?

This questionnaire considers the childhood, the role of self-love and the perils of perfectionism – as well as the best ways to achieve self-belief and overcome impostor syndrome. In a series of accompanying essays, we are given material to reflect on – and shown how to reach the emotional age we aspire to be.

Pair with the Emotional Barometer to reach a clearer understanding of our inner emotional weather.

160 pages, Paperback

Published March 11, 2025

About the author

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.

We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.

Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.

That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.

Reviews

[GONZA · Rating 2 out of 5]

As in other books in this series, a reasoned questionnaire guides us to a response that shows our level of emotional maturity (in this case). For me it is a disturbingly superficial book and sits a small step above horoscopes, but surely it is because of my work as a psychologist/psychotherapist that some books that simplify things so dramatically give me hives.

Come anche in altri libri di questa serie, un questionario ragionato ci guida ad una risposta che ci mostra il nostro livello di maturità emotiva (in questo caso). Per me é un libro di una superficialità preoccupante e si situa un piccolo scalino sopra gli oroscopi, ma sicuramente é per via del mio lavoro come psicologa/psicoterapeuta, che alcuni libri che semplificano le cose in modo cosí drammatico mi danno l'orticaria.

I received from the Publisher a complimentary digital advanced review copy of the book in exchange for a honest review.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recieved a copy of this on Netgalley to read in exchange for a review. Ave.

I do love the chatty wisdom from the School of Life, there is something soothing about reading eriudite psycho/philosophical riffs that would make the dourest stoic feel better, So reading those are always a pleasure. The question and answer part of the book i felt was bogged down by each 'chapterlette' and by the time i reached the scoring page id forgotten all the answers id chosn. And to be quite honest what does one do if BOTH answers are true for you at different times, Add both poimts? I may not have gotten an accurate diagnosis about being emotionally mature, but i didnt really expect that. I did recieve a nice read, which is wonderful enough.

[Ula (avibrantmind) Kaniuch · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley and The School of Life for providing an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I had high hopes for this book. Having previously read a School of Life book that broke down a complex topic in a clear, memorable way, I expected a similarly thoughtful approach here. I also enjoyed Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett and was looking for something that would expand my understanding of emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, this book didn’t quite deliver.

The structure alternates between a questionnaire and short essays on the corresponding topics, but the execution left me frustrated. The questionnaire felt oddly designed—rather than straightforward yes/no responses, many answers were phrased in a way that seemed to prioritize cleverness over clarity. This made it difficult to see myself in the results, and at times, the options felt so far removed from how people actually think and behave that they lost their usefulness. A more direct or nuanced scale would have been much more effective.

The essays, meanwhile, felt oversimplified. Rather than offering research-based insights or compelling new perspectives, they read like introductory reflections for someone entirely new to the concept of emotional intelligence. Take this passage, for example:

"Truly clever people know that they can only be clever some of the time. Scepticism towards oneself lies at the heart of emotional intelligence."

It’s not necessarily wrong, but it’s not particularly thought-provoking either. Many sections felt like they were restating common wisdom rather than engaging with the complexities of emotional maturity. I kept waiting for a deeper exploration—something that would challenge or expand my thinking—but that moment never really arrived.

While I can see this being useful for someone encountering these ideas for the first time, I was hoping for something with more depth. Instead, it felt like a surface-level guide that never quite engaged with the richness of the topic.

[David Abrams · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I generally dislike taking psychology quizzes with their multiple choices of answers, none of which seem to land with me, I did enjoy taking this 150-page "test" to see how emotionally mature I am. Each of the 42 questions here present two options for response and they're generally easy to answer. If you've reached a certain stage of life as I have, you know some things about yourself; maybe not EVERYthing, but most things. While I didn't tally my score for each of the questions, I think I landed somewhere in the "intermittently mature" camp. Which is fine by me; I'm grown up enough to take it.

[Eviana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like how this book is divided into short chapters with a question at the beginning. Emotional maturity is something that we need to realize to help us better. Sometimes we think we're doing fine, but turns out we still have emotional issues going on. For example, how we manage our temper, and what triggers us to be angry.
This book helps me to get a better understanding of that, and I hope it does the same for you.
Thank you, Net Galley and The School of Life for providing a digital ARC. I truly enjoyed reading this book.

[Kira K · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. This is a helpful book to evaluate my own maturity and find areas that I can work on for my own personal development. It handles the topic in a non-shaming and non-judgemental manner, even if the score found out you’re emotionally “immature”. It’s interesting to have a question then the facts on the topic and then another question.

[Mocklate · Rating 4 out of 5]

It has some very insightful messages about our tendencies, why we feel certain ways, and what we may need to remedy about ourselves. It's a good read that I will probably come back to a few times. Still, there are a few sections I don't agree with, and some choices which aren't really fair or are polar opposites where choosing either feels wrong.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fun introduction to reflect on what emotional maturity is and what it may look like. The test and short chapters make it an easy read to get through. 42 scenarios are presented to make one think about one's internal life and how we might overcome limiting personal beliefs.

[Kayla · Rating 2 out of 5]

I usually like school of life philosophies, but this little questionnaire book had some conflicting advice and missed the mark for me. Also overall just kinda boring to read.

[Thu Nga Le · Rating 4 out of 5]

nice series of essay about various topics

[Kate Henderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book pretty dull... (not sure what that says about my emotional maturity haha)
It just felt like endless questions, but with very little detail and new information. Lots of the book felt very repetitive.
Didn't enjoy this, and definitely would not recommend. I think I am done with the 'School of Life' books now...