Getting Over Your Parents: Untangling your childhood

by The School of Life

Our parents are a huge and no matter our relationship to them, who we are today (our love stories, our attitudes, our self-esteem) is crucially connected to our relationships with our origin families.

Following on from the bestselling How To Overcome Your Childhood, Getting Over Your Parents is a practical guide on how to navigate the complex legacies left to us by our parents, and how to parent ourselves. By exploring different types of parents, such as “The Preoccupied Parent”, “The Overprotective Parent”’ and “The Controlling Parent”, it offers a vocabulary to understand some of the stranger and more difficult things that parents sometimes do to their children, as well as giving advice on how to move forward from our puzzles or confusions.

The emphasis is never on blame, always on understanding. 




Offering constructive solutions for dealing with the symptoms of a difficult childhood, this book helps us to explore the past so that we can avoid the mistakes our parents made, and secure for ourselves the more creative, calm and loving future we deserve.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

232 pages, Hardcover

First published July 4, 2024

About the author

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.

We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.

Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.

That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.

Reviews

[Emmeline Wtrs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik kan iedereen dit boek aanraden!

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very different from my usual genre of books; however, when I saw it on NetGalley, it stood out to me. I’m glad I requested it.
There are lots of important points in this book that I believe can help people and teach them how to do better and not just be stuck in a never ending cycle.

Thanks to NetGalley & School of Life for this ARC.

[Atiyeh]

"Getting Over Your Parents: Untangling Your Childhood" by The School of Life continues the organization’s familiar approach: making psychological and philosophical ideas about emotional life accessible to a general audience.

The central idea of the book is that many of our adult emotional patterns—our relationship choices, fears, insecurities, and even self-image—are deeply shaped by our childhood relationship with our parents. Rather than encouraging literal “separation,” the book focuses on psychological detachment: learning to understand, reinterpret, and eventually loosen the emotional grip of early family dynamics.

One of the book’s strengths is its clarity. It avoids technical psychoanalytic jargon and instead uses relatable language and everyday examples. This makes it easy for readers without a psychology background to reflect on their upbringing and recognize patterns that may still be influencing them today. The tone is supportive and reflective rather than clinical, which is part of its appeal.

However, the simplicity is also its main limitation. Complex family dynamics and deep psychological wounds are often reduced to broad, generalized frameworks. Readers looking for clinical depth or nuanced cultural perspectives may find it somewhat shallow or overly schematic at times.

Overall, the book works best as an introductory guide to self-reflection rather than a rigorous psychological manual. It can be especially useful for readers beginning to explore how childhood experiences shape adult behavior, but less so for those seeking in-depth therapeutic analysis.

[Parimah Farzan · Rating 5 out of 5]

همه ما حاصل کودکیمان هستیم
.
دوران کودکی خاصیتی دارد که باعث میشود فرزند بخواهد مشکلاتش را جبران کند
.
در اینجا مسئله رسیدن به تعادل مطرح است!
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باید خشم خود را حس کنیم اما فریاد نکشیم!
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اگر به هر حال کودکی بدی داشته ایم شاید بهتر باشد حداقل گاهی به چیزی که میتواند برایمان بسازد افتخار کنیم!
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برخی از بهترین لحظات زندگی خود را به بدترین لحظات شروع زندگی بدهکاریم
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باید بیشترین تلاش خود را بکنیم تا بخش کوچکی از انها که تحسین برانگیز است را به یاد داشته باشیم؛در حالی که به هیچ وجه بخش بزرگ تری را که وحشتناک است، نادیده نگیریم!
.
پایان یک کتاب خوب دیگر
شیفت شب
۵اسفند ۱۴۰۴
۴:۱۷صبح

[Eviana · Rating 5 out of 5]

We cannot choose our family, what kind of situation our home, what are the personalities of our parents, and what are their history.
However, if we want to understand ourselves, we need to understand about our childhood. This book feels like guidance to unravel the past to understand more about our trauma, and anxiety to shape us into better people.
Understanding our past might be a rough and rocky path. We do not know where and how to start. Using this book day by day and writing our reflections in our diary might be useful. We do not know what kind of insight that awaiting for us. Hopefully, this book can help us to be more confident and strong to embrace ourselves. Until we reach the point to accept and be kinder inward.

Thank you The School of Life and Net Galley for providing digital ARC in exchange for honest review.

[Ioana · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you don't know where to start with this subject - this book is the perfect introduction.

It features important, empathetic talks around this, without putting blame on the parents, but taking you from the place where you need a better understanding and direction in your way of thinking & positioning. It, also, has many exercises and questions that make great journaling prompts.

I think this book is important and very helpful. I especially appreciate the realism it offers, there's no sugar coating and if offers many situations that it's hard not to find one similar to yours and some guidance.

I received a copy of this in order to share my honest view on it.

[Anne Earney · Rating 5 out of 5]

School of Life books are the best. This one contains the kind of unsentimental, unflinchingly honest advise we all wish we could get but usually don't. The gist of it is that if you want to get over your parents, you have to have an honest picture of what went on during your childhood. Flawed humans tried to raise you and likely flubbed many parts of the process. Romanticizing them or your childhood doesn't help you as an adult. I took the therapy route, so I don't and never will know if this book alone could replace therapy, but maybe, for the right person. If nothing else, it provides alternate ways of looking at childhood and parents that could be useful for anyone.

[Marleen Dijkstra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe I am not the right audience (I had a normal and largely happy childhood with normal parents that made mistakes and had their peculiarities, but were mostly loving and supporting), but I really didn’t enjoy reading this book. First half of the book is pretty good, more generic parenting and what makes a good and bad parent. But I couldn’t read the second half of the book: I don’t need to get over my parents and I didn’t recognize the scenarios and exercises.

[monica zare]

I wish I'd skimmed through this more before buying it. Not a single citation for any claim. Full of generalizations and opinions passed off as fact, some really cringe. I usually give away books when I'm done but that feels irresponsible in this case. This was such garbage that I think that's where it need to go.

[Andor Glck · Rating 5 out of 5]

A deeply thoughtful and honest book that approaches a sensitive topic with clarity and care. It is both insightful and practical. The writing is elegant yet straightforward, making complex patterns easier to understand. For anyone already curious about this subject, it feels like a natural and important place to start.

[Phil Mendez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid quick read in the inimitable (or maybe not) style of The School of Life.

[Karl Dhont · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why did this book scar(e) me?

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Getting Over Your Parents: Untangling Your Childhood, by The School of Life, gives us a warm & understanding look at how our upbringing can influence who we end up, as adults. This book is an easy way to understand and deal with the psychological issues of our parents, helping us achieve personal freedom and emotional growth.

This book delves into the complex dynamics of parent and child relationships, finding the positive and negative effects parents can have on us. It’s important to understand these impacts to achieve maturity and become self-aware. Within this book, it provides tools on how to achieve this.

This book explores Parental Influence - explaining how our parents thoughts and behaviour shape us, helping us identify these patterns in our own lives.

It also offers advice and tools on Breaking Negative Patterns and emotional baggage. Providing information on how to be self reflect and heal.

Suggesting ways we can Rebuilding Relationships with our parents via better communication and setting better & stronger boundaries.

I found the best things about this book to be Clear and Accessible Language, its written in a way that is easy to understand. Making complicated psychological concepts easier to comprehend.

It offers Practical Exercises, which are easy to complete and reflective questions, and ways to implement things that were learned within the pages to their own lives.

This book is a thoughtful and insightful, which helps us to reflect on upbringing and its effects. It offers practical tools to help us understand and improve our emotional well-being, making it a great starting point for anyone wanting to make sense of their childhood and build a healthier relationship with their parents or their past.

I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a more authentic and fulfilling adult life.

Thank you to Netgalley and The School of Life