If I Could Do It Again: Six Things I've Taken for Granted in Marriage

by Cameron Dockery

If I Could Do It Again is the confession of a man who is coming to terms with his own mortality. In the process he identifies six areas where he has failed and is haunted by the thought, "If I could do it again, things would be different."

This is a short read that speaks to the heart of relationships and family. It is recommended for both men and women.

If I Could Do It Again ( excerpt )

When the doctor gave me the news, I was not shocked because my body had already told me something was wrong. It was getting more difficult to hide the symptoms as loss of weight and stamina became obvious to everyone. I no longer had much of an appetite; what I did eat usually came back up, and then I noticed the blood. It was dark…almost black.

I called the Medical Center two weeks ago and scheduled an appointment with Dr. Stellar, but did not tell anyone. Tonight I have to sit down and talk with my wife, in so doing I will confirm her worst fear. I do have cancer, it is aggressive and I have less than a year to live. We’ve been married for thirty years and I spent last night lying in bed watching her sleep; I never closed my eyes. But several times during the night I did lean over to place a soft kiss on her warm cheek and thought to myself, “I wish we had more time.”

I’ve taken the day off to prepare for the conversation we’ll have after dinner. For the last twenty hours and thirty minutes I’ve been processing my situation and have come to a conclusion that dying is not my biggest problem. It’s the way I’ve lived that’s hard. I’m haunted by the thought, “If I could do it again.” Unfortunately, no one is given that luxury.

It is 8:30 and I’ve just poured the first cup from a second pot of coffee. Before the day is over, I will have consumed an enormous amount of caffeine, but it’s not like its going to kill me.

So here’s the deal, reading the guilty confession of a dying man may not rank high on the list of things you most want to do, but if you have a little time perhaps you can learn from my mistakes. While there are many areas in my life where improvement is needed, I have identified six where it is crucial. They are: Being careful with the words I speak, paying attention to the small things, the practice of putting her first, forgiveness, the principal of the paradoxes and the power of one.

Confession, they say, is good for the soul. I’ve come to believe it, but if I could do it again, I would have made this confession a long time ago.

25 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 20, 2012

About the author

Cameron is a lover of the written word and writer of poetry & prose. He believes everyone has a story and the older he gets the more he realizes the value of grace and forgiveness.

His short story, The Note, is a true short story written in the context of a small community and told through the eyes of a boy who experiences grace. In the process, a problem is resolved, and a relationship is restored.