So. SIGH. I read this because, as a BOTM, I would get an extra point toward unlocking additional challenge tasks in a challenge I’m doing with my SFFBC group, but on paper, it should have been up my alley anyway. I enjoy heist stories, and good LGBTQ and cultural representation, and found family.
But basically from page one, this book and I did not get along well. I was determined to finish it (I really want that point) but it’s been a hot minute since my eyes have tried to roll their way out of my skull so frequently.
Spoilery stuff below. You know the drill.
First - a note on the audiobook reader. This was a mixed bag for me. I liked hearing the Pidgin and slang spoken, a lot, but that was really about the only thing that I liked from this reader. Her cadence. Was really strange and.
Often distracting making a sentence feel like it is saying something. Different from what it was actually saying. UGH. And her character voices, ESPECIALLY Malia’s and Angel’s, made me want to ice pick my eardrums, but for different reasons. With Malia, it was so hyper, high pitched, fan-girlie over-excited YAY! all the time, but with Angel, it was smooth, cold, corporate HR manager who REALLY dislikes you but will remain professional regardless. And while these both fit their characters, it irked me to LISTEN to. It was just too much.
OK, let’s move on to the actual story. Edie is being released, unexpectedly, after 8 years in prison for a variety of prior heist related criminal activity, and having been sold out by Angel. So of course, if you were thinking that anyone BUT Angel would have been there to pick Edie up from the prison gate, with a “job offer” to boot, well… You must be new here. Welcome.
Everything about this was just so obvious to me. Oh, Edie wants to go legit and get a real job because they regret the lost time with their family and community… but they have been BLACKLISTED? Say it isn’t so! What ever will they do now? If only a prior accomplice had a wonderful money-making opportunity for them.
What’s that? THEY DO?
But the thing is, that job is ridiculous. Like. Fucking UTTERLY unbelievable, literally “no respectable criminal with two braincells to rub together would believe the score” unbelievable. I heard the number and my brain did not believe it, and kept interpreting it as 100 times less than the number they were actually saying, and I STILL thought it was insane that this should be the score.
The job? Rob a trillionaire techbro for his one of a kind technology, and ransom it back to him for a trillion credits (with a T), evenly split amongst 8 co-conspirators, resulting in a per person payout of 125 billion credits each. With a B.
In my ranty review notes, I kept raging about how 1.25 billion credits was such an astronomical score that there’s no way anyone would 1) believe that ransom would actually be paid; 2) believe that share split would be paid; 3) would think they’d get to keep it. Absolutely no way. Zero.
BUT it wasn’t ONE POINT TWO-FIVE BILLION, it was ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE BILLION. EACH.
Be for real. I have finished the book, and I STILL don’t believe it. That is not happening. Never. Just as a point of reference because I feel like I really need to get this out of my system - at one point Edie was stressing over paying a TWENTY CREDIT wager they lost. Edie’s family is 30,000 credits in medical debt because Edie’s niece is ill. ONLY 30,000 - which is honestly not all that high even now, on Earth, NOT living on a space station. Edie won 14,000 credits playing poker, and was super excited because that will really help. And this is their feeling in full anticipation of the hundred plus of billions (WITH A B) they are expected to be paid in a few short weeks.
ELON MUSK, the richest douchebag in the world is worth (as of my Google search of 30 seconds ago) $724.5 billion. And he’s been exploiting people and governments for years. But we’re supposed to believe that one job is worth one and a quarter Elon Musks?
Gross. No.
And that unbelievable aspect was like a running thread throughout this whole book for me. I didn’t believe the heist value, or payout, or that anyone would do more than laugh at the proposal before calling the Feds themselves to get the crazy person off their lawn. But I also didn’t believe the skills of the heisters.
The “grifters” and their con weren’t believable to me - there’s no way that they could, in the span of a few weeks, or even MONTHS if we’re being generous, learn enough about bioengineering, brain modifications, implants, memory manipulation, etc to convincingly play scientific genius entrepreneurs with their own highly coveted technology. DEFINITELY not in in-person interviews and discussions, with on the spot questions from someone in that industry themselves. People make that kind of study their life’s work, and dedicate years, decades, to have the kind of expertise that we are supposed to believe that they have a convincing amount of in a few weeks. Because they stole one grad student thesis and spoofed a website. Riiiiiiiight.
Likewise, at one point, one of the heisters was schmoozing up a mark, and he offered her a drink. Which he then LEFT THE TABLE to get, and returned with, and she drank from. (!!!!) Then he bumped her stuff off the table and while she was grabbing it, he dosed her drink. (She was warned and remained unroofied, it’s OK.) BUT my first thought is “Don’t you dare drink that!” when he got back to the table initially, because OF COURSE HE WOULD HAVE DOSED IT WHILE HE WAS OUT OF HER SIGHT. OBVIOUSLY!
But no. He waited until he was back to do it. For… some reason. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
I didn’t believe Edie and Angel’s relationship. Especially not their romance. MUCH eye-rolling here for me. It was so erratic and chaotic that I just wanted them to kill each other and get it over with at one point. Cut your losses and move on. You’s both toxic and annoying. Bye. But NOOOOO. Because all this unbelievable wish fulfillment nonsense has to have a happy ending. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Finally, since it’s now after midnight and I’m over it, I just want to mention two more things: First, that the tone was… weird. For most of this book, I felt like it read as almost YA in tone. But then toward the end there were a few descriptive sex scenes that were definitely NOT YA. Second, the pacing was all over the place. In the middle of heist prep, we’d have a timeout while Edie talks to their sister, or babysits the kids, or works a real job shift, or ruminates (AGAIN) on how much time they were in prison and therefore lost and won’t get back, no matter how much money this score (which they can’t let anyone know about because they are trying to go legit blah blah blah) will pay. When I finally thought the book was over, NOPE. Still more chapters. And then again. AND AGAIN. (Not even exaggerating. I thought it was over 3 separate times.)
Rumor has it, this book is still not over to this very day.
Anyway, I wanted to like this a lot more than I DID actually like it. I think that’s pretty apparent. Oh well. Win some, lose some.