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The Accountant’s Guide to Taking Down an Evil Vampire Lord
“Fine,” she said. “Do you know the statistically most common way for the authorities to take out organized crime?”
Well, if that was her idea of enticing conversation, it was no wonder she had all those evenings free to chase after scoundrels like him. Still, Astarion didn’t want to antagonize her further and ruin the game, so he pursed his lips and guessed, “A very large, well-placed cannon?”
“Tax fraud.”
She looked at him as if she expected some sort of reaction – maybe a dramatic gasp? A palm flung to his forehead in a theatrical rendition of How could I not think of this?
Everything he could muster was a blink. “Tax … fraud.”
She nodded, obviously excited about what Astarion was sure were two of the most boring words in the English language, combined.
"That's how we'll take down Cazador."
Well, if that was her idea of enticing conversation, it was no wonder she had all those evenings free to chase after scoundrels like him. Still, Astarion didn’t want to antagonize her further and ruin the game, so he pursed his lips and guessed, “A very large, well-placed cannon?”
“Tax fraud.”
She looked at him as if she expected some sort of reaction – maybe a dramatic gasp? A palm flung to his forehead in a theatrical rendition of How could I not think of this?
Everything he could muster was a blink. “Tax … fraud.”
She nodded, obviously excited about what Astarion was sure were two of the most boring words in the English language, combined.
"That's how we'll take down Cazador."
- GenresFan Fiction
250 pages, ebook
Published September 28, 2023
2 people are currently reading
10 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
February 25, 2025
✯✯✯✯✯5/5 stars✯✯✯✯✯
this HAS to be my favorite read so far of 2025 and it’s only February 😭 this shattered me to pieces and then put me back together again and honestly i loved every second of it. i saw so many references to bg3 and astarion’s story and omg it was like i was experiencing the joy of playing the game all over again. astarion is by far my favorite fictional character that’s ever existed and i hold him so dearly to my heart because of who he is and what he’s endured (his story means everything to me because of my own past experiences) and this book somehow made me love him even more, the ending the author gave him just made me so happy for him. definitely recommend if you love bg3 and your favorite character is astarion ✨
this HAS to be my favorite read so far of 2025 and it’s only February 😭 this shattered me to pieces and then put me back together again and honestly i loved every second of it. i saw so many references to bg3 and astarion’s story and omg it was like i was experiencing the joy of playing the game all over again. astarion is by far my favorite fictional character that’s ever existed and i hold him so dearly to my heart because of who he is and what he’s endured (his story means everything to me because of my own past experiences) and this book somehow made me love him even more, the ending the author gave him just made me so happy for him. definitely recommend if you love bg3 and your favorite character is astarion ✨
April 19, 2025
i'm (s)creaming i fear
February 24, 2026
She actually took down a vampire lord with accountancy and bagged Astarion while at it. Wow.
January 29, 2025
3.5
Ok, fazia milhares de anos que eu não lia fanfic, mas a minha obsessão com o Astarion só aumenta e eu precisava de alguma migalha de conteúdo fora de BG3. Sem querer cai no AO3 e posso dizer que todos os memes de que alguns autores do AO3 são melhores que muitos best-sellers é real! Uma história, divertida, melancólica e sexy. Amamos qualquer headcanon onde o Astarion é feliz!
Ok, fazia milhares de anos que eu não lia fanfic, mas a minha obsessão com o Astarion só aumenta e eu precisava de alguma migalha de conteúdo fora de BG3. Sem querer cai no AO3 e posso dizer que todos os memes de que alguns autores do AO3 são melhores que muitos best-sellers é real! Uma história, divertida, melancólica e sexy. Amamos qualquer headcanon onde o Astarion é feliz!
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews