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The One-Way Relationship Workbook: Step-by-Step Help for Coping With Narcissists, Egotistical Lovers, Toxic Coworkers, and Others Who A
When you interact with a friend, family member, intimate partner, or coworker who is a narcissist, there's no give and take. The relationship only goes one way-their way-and you constantly have to adjust your own expectations and behavior to meet their standards. That's because people with narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, are preoccupied with seeking admiration and power and find it difficult to empathize with others' feelings. And, as if maintaining a good relationship with a narcissist weren't hard enough, most narcissists do not realize or believe that they have a disorder at all. That's why The One-Way Relationship Workbook was created—to help you effectively improve and ultimately transform your relationship with the self-absorbed, self-centered, or narcissistic individuals in your life.
The exercises and worksheets in this powerful workbook were created by noted psychologists who have been researching and working with the self-absorbed for more than twenty years. Part I of this workbook helps you understand the mind of a narcissist and how narcissistic behavior affects the way you feel, think, and behave around this person. In Part II, you'll learn practical strategies for making yourself heard during interactions with a narcissist. Eventually, you'll be able to have regular contact with self-absorbed individuals comfortably, effectively, and without frustration.
The exercises and worksheets in this powerful workbook were created by noted psychologists who have been researching and working with the self-absorbed for more than twenty years. Part I of this workbook helps you understand the mind of a narcissist and how narcissistic behavior affects the way you feel, think, and behave around this person. In Part II, you'll learn practical strategies for making yourself heard during interactions with a narcissist. Eventually, you'll be able to have regular contact with self-absorbed individuals comfortably, effectively, and without frustration.
153 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2011
30 people are currently reading
111 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
March 13, 2021
مؤلف این نوشتار را در دو بخش کلی تقسیمبندی نموده است. در اولین بخش، به معرفی علائم و نشانههای خودشیفتگی پرداخته، خودمحوری را در یک طیف قرار داده است. مؤلف در این بخش، به خواننده کمک میکند تا فرد خودشیفته را شناسایی رده و دریابد که رفتارهای این فرد چگونه بر رفتار، احساس و فکر او اثر میگذارد. همچنین در قسمت اول کتاب، به شرح و بسط انواع خودشیفتگی میپردازد. در بخش دوم به راهبردی کاربردی اشاره میکند تا به تنظیم روابط خواننده با افراد خودشیفته کمک کند و او را به موقعیتهای سالم تری رهنمون سازد. در قسمت دوم کتاب مؤلف به این نکته تأکید دارد که هر فرد خودشیفته، آدمی آسیبرسان است که باید برای مهار این آسیبها، مهارتهای خاصی را دارا بود. در این قسمت از کتاب، مهارتهایی در قالب تمرین به مخاطب ارائه شده تا اثرات منفی روابط با فرد خودشیفته را مهار کند.
December 24, 2021
واقعا هر کدوم دورمون با افراد خودشیفته سر و کار داشتیم . برای من برخورد با این افراد بدون اینکه آسیب ببینم همواره یه چالش بود. وقتی این کتاب رو خوندم دقیقا یکی از رویکرد های خودم که میگن با هر کی مثل خودش رفتار کن رو کوبیدم زمین و رویکرد های جدیدی رو جاش اتخاذ کردم. کلا به نظرم کتاب مفیدی بود.
December 16, 2023
The One-Way Relationship Workbook: Step-by-Step Hope for Coping with Narcisists, Egotistical Lovers, Toxic Coworkers & Others Who Are Incredibly Self-Absorbed by Neil J. Lavender, PhD and Alan Cavaiola, PhD
This book was useful in helping me identify who in my life may be a narcissist, who is not, and recognizing when people-- including myself-- are showing narcissistic traits (see Chapter 2: Are You Dealing with a Narcissist?). It helped me better understand codependency (by its classical definition, "the addict focuses his life around his drug of choice or addictive behavior while the codependent focuses his life around the addicted person") and helped me identify strategies for dealing with certain difficult people, and with true narcissists should I ever have to work for one. It also showed me that I struggle with what psychologists call "differentiation of self," which is required in order to not overly identify with an environment -- such as a workplace -- and I'm therefore more prone to be stressed over what happens on the job. There are some surveys in the book to determine where you and others fall on various spectrums, as well as written exercises.
The book made me very sympathetic to those who are in long-term relationships with true narcissists (who show at least five of nine symptoms according to APA in 2000), whom the authors write are only about 2 to 16 percent of the population. (The authors note that in their experience, 100% of batterers are narcissists.) The authors categorize in certain subsets, with helpful examples. The key thing about narcissists is that they are incapable of empathy or for caring for others' emotional needs-- they can't love you like you might love them; exploitation is a key symptom. "Indeed, many narcissists actually enjoy withholding the very thing their partner needs the most." Those who are married to one must accept that reality and negotiate ways to make the relationship work, and occassionally even forgive the narcissist, and this book may be particularly helpful for those people who find other aspects of the relationship are truly worth the effort. (The authors note that "we have never known a relationship to be fifty-fifty" in any case.) Narcissists are also trapped in a cycle of building themselves up to be a Superman, rather than acknowledge their foibles and weaknesses, only to fail and suffer humiliation and then they repeat the cycle. I don't think I have worked for a narcissist, but I imagine I will someday soon, and this book is crucial in that circumstance.
The authors have good sections on how you can change yourself and deal with the narcissist; strategies for communication, etc. as you're highly unlikely ever to change the narcissist (although some may agree to counseling in order to save a marriage or custody). One key to dealing with a narcissist or non-narcissistic toxic coworker is detachment. "Detaching with love doesn’t mean you have to become robotic and unfeeling or uncaring; it simply means that you’re no longer reacting to narcissistic behavior or attitudes." It does no good to argue with someone who always believes he's right-- so don't engage. This person will not meet your needs, so be sure you're getting your needs and values affirmed elsewhere; don't become codependent with your workplace. If the narcissist is at your workplace, you need to have healthy differentiation of self -- you need to set boundaries and find enjoyment and identity outside your workplace. There are also some strategies in dealing with a narcissistic personality to reinforce positive behavior. ("I really appreciate it when you take my feelings into consideration.") One challenge is to develop your network such as to mitigate his/her influence on your work.
There are also some good thoughts at the end of the book on just maintaining healthy relationships overall, such as finding the right balance in spending time together while also pursuing activities as unique individuals. The authors provide references to academic and more popular books on similar subjects, which is helpful. I give it four stars out of five.
This book was useful in helping me identify who in my life may be a narcissist, who is not, and recognizing when people-- including myself-- are showing narcissistic traits (see Chapter 2: Are You Dealing with a Narcissist?). It helped me better understand codependency (by its classical definition, "the addict focuses his life around his drug of choice or addictive behavior while the codependent focuses his life around the addicted person") and helped me identify strategies for dealing with certain difficult people, and with true narcissists should I ever have to work for one. It also showed me that I struggle with what psychologists call "differentiation of self," which is required in order to not overly identify with an environment -- such as a workplace -- and I'm therefore more prone to be stressed over what happens on the job. There are some surveys in the book to determine where you and others fall on various spectrums, as well as written exercises.
The book made me very sympathetic to those who are in long-term relationships with true narcissists (who show at least five of nine symptoms according to APA in 2000), whom the authors write are only about 2 to 16 percent of the population. (The authors note that in their experience, 100% of batterers are narcissists.) The authors categorize in certain subsets, with helpful examples. The key thing about narcissists is that they are incapable of empathy or for caring for others' emotional needs-- they can't love you like you might love them; exploitation is a key symptom. "Indeed, many narcissists actually enjoy withholding the very thing their partner needs the most." Those who are married to one must accept that reality and negotiate ways to make the relationship work, and occassionally even forgive the narcissist, and this book may be particularly helpful for those people who find other aspects of the relationship are truly worth the effort. (The authors note that "we have never known a relationship to be fifty-fifty" in any case.) Narcissists are also trapped in a cycle of building themselves up to be a Superman, rather than acknowledge their foibles and weaknesses, only to fail and suffer humiliation and then they repeat the cycle. I don't think I have worked for a narcissist, but I imagine I will someday soon, and this book is crucial in that circumstance.
The authors have good sections on how you can change yourself and deal with the narcissist; strategies for communication, etc. as you're highly unlikely ever to change the narcissist (although some may agree to counseling in order to save a marriage or custody). One key to dealing with a narcissist or non-narcissistic toxic coworker is detachment. "Detaching with love doesn’t mean you have to become robotic and unfeeling or uncaring; it simply means that you’re no longer reacting to narcissistic behavior or attitudes." It does no good to argue with someone who always believes he's right-- so don't engage. This person will not meet your needs, so be sure you're getting your needs and values affirmed elsewhere; don't become codependent with your workplace. If the narcissist is at your workplace, you need to have healthy differentiation of self -- you need to set boundaries and find enjoyment and identity outside your workplace. There are also some strategies in dealing with a narcissistic personality to reinforce positive behavior. ("I really appreciate it when you take my feelings into consideration.") One challenge is to develop your network such as to mitigate his/her influence on your work.
There are also some good thoughts at the end of the book on just maintaining healthy relationships overall, such as finding the right balance in spending time together while also pursuing activities as unique individuals. The authors provide references to academic and more popular books on similar subjects, which is helpful. I give it four stars out of five.
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August 30, 2023A practical book to navigate narcissistic situations at work, home or in society in general. Well written.
March 28, 2011
The suggestions for how to deal with narcissists at work or home weren't very too helpful... it seemed like the whole theme was "accept that the narcissist is going to treat you like total poop, and don't stand up to them because they'll treat you like even more poop".
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews