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Chomp, Chomp, Chomp: How I Survived a Bear Attack and Other Cautionary Tales
“…Not quite full-grown, it's haunched down like a dog, tensed and coiled and ready to spring. We make eye contact for the merest fraction of a second, and in this moment I know exactly what's coming…."
A tragicomic collection of latter day Grimm's Fairy Tales, Allena Hansen's true life accounts won the IBPA 2015 Benjamin Franklin Award for best memoir/autobiography. "Chomp, Chomp, Chomp; How I Survived a Bear Attack and Other Cautionary Tales" introduces us to the bon vivant and social pariah Hunter S. Thompson toasted as "the distaff Hunter S. Thompson" and her sworn antagonist, Andrew Breitbart called out as "the coolest person in the room."
Offering herself up as a cautionary example, Hansen poses the age-old question, 'What makes a survivor?" Read this book and remain as puzzled as ever, but as you marvel at her uncompromisingly bad judgment and uncanny resilience, you just might learn something that could save your life.
A tragicomic collection of latter day Grimm's Fairy Tales, Allena Hansen's true life accounts won the IBPA 2015 Benjamin Franklin Award for best memoir/autobiography. "Chomp, Chomp, Chomp; How I Survived a Bear Attack and Other Cautionary Tales" introduces us to the bon vivant and social pariah Hunter S. Thompson toasted as "the distaff Hunter S. Thompson" and her sworn antagonist, Andrew Breitbart called out as "the coolest person in the room."
Offering herself up as a cautionary example, Hansen poses the age-old question, 'What makes a survivor?" Read this book and remain as puzzled as ever, but as you marvel at her uncompromisingly bad judgment and uncanny resilience, you just might learn something that could save your life.
342 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2012
46 people are currently reading
340 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
June 9, 2014
Normally I don't like memoirs, but the idea of a bear attack intrigued me, and I'm glad I picked this up. This woman's truth is stranger than fiction, to be sure. Since the book is structured to lead up to the bear attack, which only takes up about 20% of the book, I thought it would be in the back of my mind the entire time. I was wrong. Allena Hanson has some of the craziest stories I've ever heard—they made me FORGET about the fact that a bear eats her face. Just the fact that everything in this book happened to ONE woman kept me reading.
After all she's been though, this woman has the strength to move mountains. I simultaneously want to be her, and to never go through the things she's been through.
She's an amazing example for us all, and an excellent writer to boot. 5 stars!
After all she's been though, this woman has the strength to move mountains. I simultaneously want to be her, and to never go through the things she's been through.
She's an amazing example for us all, and an excellent writer to boot. 5 stars!
May 8, 2013
I bought Chomp, Chomp, Chomp after reading the author's "Ask Me Anything" post on Reddit. I was intrigued by how energetic and ballsey Allena is.
While the bear attack is a huge draw, she escaped and drove herself to the fire station under the kind of circumstances that most of us would find overwhelming. I wanted to find out what made her so strong.
This book delivered. Allena starts out the narrative telling us a little about the final moments of the attack and her drive to safety, then pulls the reader back to her early childhood. The book builds slowly, through numerous painful experiences that gave Allena the grit she needed to get angry at the bear that was eating her, and to escape.
It would have five stars from me, except for the numerous spelling and grammar errors.
While the bear attack is a huge draw, she escaped and drove herself to the fire station under the kind of circumstances that most of us would find overwhelming. I wanted to find out what made her so strong.
This book delivered. Allena starts out the narrative telling us a little about the final moments of the attack and her drive to safety, then pulls the reader back to her early childhood. The book builds slowly, through numerous painful experiences that gave Allena the grit she needed to get angry at the bear that was eating her, and to escape.
It would have five stars from me, except for the numerous spelling and grammar errors.
November 26, 2015
If ever there is proof to not judge a book by its cover, this is it.
If I were shopping for a book and ran across this one by appearance only I would not have given it a second chance; that would have been my loss.
In many ways all of the stories in this book reminded me of that caveat. Be it choosing friends or partners, deciding a new career, or being attacked by a bear, first impressions often don't tell the whole story.
This book is a memoir. Simply that means that it is the true story of a real person. I include that obvious statement because, at times, I had to remind myself of that fact. The writer talks of such a wide range of experiences, both sad and joyful, that it is possible to get caught up in the tale and forget the humanity. There were times I wondered how Allen's would survive, and others when I wanted to celebrate with her.
This book is far from a story of a bear attack. As dramatic as that is the other events endured and conquered during her life are even more compelling. Her strength, vulnerability and humanity shine through. Yes there is a stunning bear attack and it's aftermath. This book though is so much more than one story.
If I were shopping for a book and ran across this one by appearance only I would not have given it a second chance; that would have been my loss.
In many ways all of the stories in this book reminded me of that caveat. Be it choosing friends or partners, deciding a new career, or being attacked by a bear, first impressions often don't tell the whole story.
This book is a memoir. Simply that means that it is the true story of a real person. I include that obvious statement because, at times, I had to remind myself of that fact. The writer talks of such a wide range of experiences, both sad and joyful, that it is possible to get caught up in the tale and forget the humanity. There were times I wondered how Allen's would survive, and others when I wanted to celebrate with her.
This book is far from a story of a bear attack. As dramatic as that is the other events endured and conquered during her life are even more compelling. Her strength, vulnerability and humanity shine through. Yes there is a stunning bear attack and it's aftermath. This book though is so much more than one story.
January 27, 2021
Maaaaybe a 2.5 or 3 stars?
I don't really get into non-fiction, but I picked this one up a while ago when the author did an "AMA" (Ask Me Anything) on Reddit some odd years ago.
Overall, it was a rather interesting read, but the author's ego made way too many big appearances in her passages.
I don't really get into non-fiction, but I picked this one up a while ago when the author did an "AMA" (Ask Me Anything) on Reddit some odd years ago.
Overall, it was a rather interesting read, but the author's ego made way too many big appearances in her passages.
May 14, 2013
As most people here, I bought the book after the AMA on Reddit.
Being a self published book, it is in a dire need of a good editor, but the story itself is very interesting.
Allena is a very talented story teller. She really introduces herself, starting from her childhood. As you get to know her, the feelings towards her misfortunes become personal.
I hardly read non-fiction, but I enjoyed this book very much due to a very good sense of humor, interesting points made and quite a chilling tour of a woman's reality of the second part of the 20th century.
If not for the absence of a good editor, I would've been happy to give this book 4 stars.
Being a self published book, it is in a dire need of a good editor, but the story itself is very interesting.
Allena is a very talented story teller. She really introduces herself, starting from her childhood. As you get to know her, the feelings towards her misfortunes become personal.
I hardly read non-fiction, but I enjoyed this book very much due to a very good sense of humor, interesting points made and quite a chilling tour of a woman's reality of the second part of the 20th century.
If not for the absence of a good editor, I would've been happy to give this book 4 stars.
June 9, 2014
After reading this engaging, thoughtful, and sometimes downright terrifying narrative (in less than a week, I couldn't put it down), I now know the resiliency it takes to be a true survivor. The moments this woman endured were some that I'm not sure I could take on myself, and that was all before she got attacked by a bear.
I was pleasantly surprised at how funny it was. Through all of her questionable decisions and very unique experiences, she keeps a humorous voice throughout. Her perspective is one that I will always carry with me.
I was pleasantly surprised at how funny it was. Through all of her questionable decisions and very unique experiences, she keeps a humorous voice throughout. Her perspective is one that I will always carry with me.
July 17, 2014
Holy cow. The bear mauling isn't even the most traumatic event in this woman's storied life. I fluctuate between admiring her fortitude and being a little disturbed by how detached she seems in some of these vignettes, but I can't say that she hasn't lived.
December 24, 2020
I'm sorry, but thank goodness this woman got mauled by a bear so we could hear about the rest of her unique life. She knows herself and gawd bless her. If I was asked who I'd wanna hang out with for one if those imaginary meals where you can share it with anyone, she'd be on my list of folks.
June 15, 2015
It felt too random for me to concentrate. I tried reading and the author's thoughts were going around in all directions. Tried reading, switched to skimming, dropped.
April 26, 2024
Sorry to say that there was really only one thing that kept me from giving this book one star, and that was the author’s sadness about the public retaliation of her attack, where bears were shot for no good reason.
But, alas, this is a moment that occurs almost 300 pages into this book. And the bear attack itself if of course brought up in the introduction but doesn't become the central focus of the writing until about 250 pages in.
And until then? A linear account of the author's life. Which makes this book feel like a manuscript that was waiting for an excuse, a memoir waiting in the wings or an event that could be added in for relevancy and sold via agent to a publisher. Which makes reading feel like you're getting roped in by someone who otherwise seems to be an interesting person but talks endlessly about themselves, depending on the good etiquette of others. Hansen's story is shocking, empowering and sad, especially in its reminders of what a woman is subjected to in the world and the maze she has to navigate while making a life for herself, but the writing takes on a careless tone that is self-indulgent and frankly pretty cliche in nature, pretending to have flair as it slogs through rather superficial attempts at sounding original. All the way to the finale of sitting down to write the book we hold.
Even if you just want to read insights into the attack yourself, I would suggest looking up news stories about this event, for even Hansen's account of the attack is rather droll and overstylized to the point of feeling inauthentic. If you're coming to this book with any hopes of insight into the arena of wilderness/human relations, pick up Mary Roach's Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law instead. That one is a pleasure to read.
But, alas, this is a moment that occurs almost 300 pages into this book. And the bear attack itself if of course brought up in the introduction but doesn't become the central focus of the writing until about 250 pages in.
And until then? A linear account of the author's life. Which makes this book feel like a manuscript that was waiting for an excuse, a memoir waiting in the wings or an event that could be added in for relevancy and sold via agent to a publisher. Which makes reading feel like you're getting roped in by someone who otherwise seems to be an interesting person but talks endlessly about themselves, depending on the good etiquette of others. Hansen's story is shocking, empowering and sad, especially in its reminders of what a woman is subjected to in the world and the maze she has to navigate while making a life for herself, but the writing takes on a careless tone that is self-indulgent and frankly pretty cliche in nature, pretending to have flair as it slogs through rather superficial attempts at sounding original. All the way to the finale of sitting down to write the book we hold.
Even if you just want to read insights into the attack yourself, I would suggest looking up news stories about this event, for even Hansen's account of the attack is rather droll and overstylized to the point of feeling inauthentic. If you're coming to this book with any hopes of insight into the arena of wilderness/human relations, pick up Mary Roach's Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law instead. That one is a pleasure to read.
October 10, 2024
Hands down, this is the best book i have ever read. Her writing connected with me on a spiritual level, it felt like she was my friend. A story of a truly BADASS woman overcoming the impossible- the bear attack is put into the back of your mind while reading through the rest of her journey, i wouldn't think that was possible, being that it was such a horrific experience. This woman has astounding strength and resilience. And she is hilarious. The story is told with such humor and grace while also dealing with extremely sensitive subjects. I recommend this book to anyone that i can.
December 22, 2019
Wow! That was a ride!
The author's voice manages with sarcasm to be oddly upbeat no matter how unfortunate that chapter of her life was. The actual bear attack story, which the book begins and ends with, feels secondary to all the rest. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad or serious, this was a really fun trip through her life and an easy read.
The author's voice manages with sarcasm to be oddly upbeat no matter how unfortunate that chapter of her life was. The actual bear attack story, which the book begins and ends with, feels secondary to all the rest. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad or serious, this was a really fun trip through her life and an easy read.
August 1, 2020
A tale of badassery
Allena has more lives than a cat . I loved reading her story, I was captivated from start to finish. I highly recommend this autobiography. Thank you Allena for sharing your story with the world and for inspiring me.
Allena has more lives than a cat . I loved reading her story, I was captivated from start to finish. I highly recommend this autobiography. Thank you Allena for sharing your story with the world and for inspiring me.
March 14, 2021
Her irreverent writing style and all the tales of her adventures before the bear attack made this an enjoyable read. Despite all the hard times she suffers — not just the bear attack — you get the sense that she doesn’t want you to feel sorry for her, which I liked.
April 27, 2024
your son is a menace. sorry not sorry
September 3, 2024
i love this women. i found this book through her sons 'man or bear' tiktok and even though i dont care much for him, allena is an icon. an icon who writes a very good capturing book.
June 29, 2020
Wow, what a great book. Allena tells a great story full of joy, sorrow, action, and adventure. The spirit and perseverance here are just amazing. I recommend this book as a good read to anyone.
January 12, 2014
Assigning this ARC a rating wasn’t easy. I’ve taken a lot of time to digest it. The content isn’t quite what I expected and yet, saying that, I feel like an ambulance chaser. So in specific: I was anticipating this to begin with the bear attack and that the rest of the book would reveal what our protagonist learned from it. Instead, the details of the attack were saved until the last 20% of the book and the rest of the book shares how Ms. Hansen gained the fortitude to endure it.
Clearly, if Ms. Hansen wants to tell us any of her experiences, she ought to have the respect of her audience to hear them! Some parts of the book that had nothing to do with the bear were more horrific to me. Not everybody has the personal strength or the honesty to share such intimacies. Life has dealt her not a few lemons, along with some very cool moments.
As I’m very traditional, introverted and somewhat leery of new people and experiences, I had to really reach to relate to her, but… There’s something trusting and innocent in this lady’s personality that just won’t quit. And that’s pleasing.
My thanks to NetGalley and Allena Hansen for granting me the ARC. Three stars.
November 18, 2015
It's obvious from the beginning to the end of this book that Allena Hansen is a cut above the rest when it comes to writing. She is intellectual, humorous, and an amazing survivor. If you pick this one up expecting the entire book to be about her encounter with a bear, think again. This is about Ms. Hansen's life and an incredible one at that. Throughout her years, she experiences frightening events that most of us would never survive in whole or in part. She makes no excuses about some of the poor choices she makes and always seems to pick herself back up and moves forward with a positive spirit and a dash of realistic humor. If I had anything to add, I would have liked more details about what happened to "Andrew". I hope he went to prison for his actions. There are a few editing errors, but it doesn't take away from the story. Allena does an amazing job of raising her son to be like herself. Fearless.
June 6, 2013
I picked this book up on my Kindle after reading Allena's AMA on reddit a couple months ago. I am honestly very impressed, both by the woman herself and by the writing. I know that I am not nearly as tough as Allena; I don't think I could survive half of what she has in her life, let alone a bear attack. But at the same time, her writing is so personable that I feel I can relate to her, cheer for her triumphs and cry for her suffering.
I will say there are some flaws. There are certainly places where she seems to jump from one timeframe to another with little warning, enough that I got lost in places. There are also some copyediting errors (punctuation, misspellings and typos), though not enough to ruin my enjoyment of the book.
All in all, this was a good read and well worth picking up.
I will say there are some flaws. There are certainly places where she seems to jump from one timeframe to another with little warning, enough that I got lost in places. There are also some copyediting errors (punctuation, misspellings and typos), though not enough to ruin my enjoyment of the book.
All in all, this was a good read and well worth picking up.
March 22, 2017
I was lucky to stumble upon Chomp, Chomp, Chomp prior to Allena Hansen's popular AMA on Reddit. The book looks like it is 300 pages on a bear attack and surviving follow-up surgeries and insurance companies, the first half of the book provides insight into why she will ultimately survive after the attack, driving herself down a mountain with half her face hanging off.
Allena is the definition of her generation - sexually free and aware, emerging from the conservative, restricted generation of her parents. With awareness and newly found freedom, often comes hardships and you can see Allena struggle with loneliness and emotional pain, drifting from one relationship to another, searching for a foundation, and ultimately discovering it in herself.
Allena is the definition of her generation - sexually free and aware, emerging from the conservative, restricted generation of her parents. With awareness and newly found freedom, often comes hardships and you can see Allena struggle with loneliness and emotional pain, drifting from one relationship to another, searching for a foundation, and ultimately discovering it in herself.
June 9, 2014
Normally I don't like memoirs, but the idea of a bear attack intrigued me, and I'm glad I picked this up. This woman's truth is stranger than fiction, to be sure. Since the book is structured to lead up to the bear attack, which only takes up about 20% of the book, I thought it would be in the back of my mind the entire time. I was wrong. Allena Hanson has some of the craziest stories I've ever heard—they made me FORGET about the fact that a bear eats her face. Just the fact that everything in this book happened to ONE woman kept me reading.
After all she's been though, this woman has the strength to move mountains. I simultaneously want to be her, and to never go through the things she's been through.
She's an amazing example for us all, and an excellent writer to boot. 5 stars!
After all she's been though, this woman has the strength to move mountains. I simultaneously want to be her, and to never go through the things she's been through.
She's an amazing example for us all, and an excellent writer to boot. 5 stars!
July 23, 2013
Many Tales – What a Survivor
The book starts right in the midst of the bear attack and just when you want to read more you turn the page and the story continues when Ms. Hanson was two years old. Then we slowly work our way through many tales of survival. Each tale offers a bit of advice. This is a well-written book that perhaps was a bit of therapy for the author as well as offering advice for the reader. NetGalley provided an advanced review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
The book starts right in the midst of the bear attack and just when you want to read more you turn the page and the story continues when Ms. Hanson was two years old. Then we slowly work our way through many tales of survival. Each tale offers a bit of advice. This is a well-written book that perhaps was a bit of therapy for the author as well as offering advice for the reader. NetGalley provided an advanced review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
June 4, 2014
Funny, witty, and full of quippy cultural references. This book isn't just about a bear attack--it's a fascinating widow (back) to a unique time in American pop culture. It's hard not to be affectionate toward this cynical yet practical and resourceful heroine. Allena Hansen's stories are so engaging that you'll forget about the bear attack that book ends her story until she's hearing crunch, crunch, crunch on her skull and her hero dog is guiding her down the mountain while her face literally hangs on her head.
June 20, 2014
Funny, witty, and full of quippy cultural references. This book isn't just about a bear attack--it's a fascinating window (back) to a unique time in American pop culture. It's hard not to be affectionate toward this cynical yet practical and resourceful heroine. Allena Hansen's stories are so engaging that you'll forget about the bear attack that book ends her story until she's hearing crunch, crunch, crunch on her skull and her hero dog is guiding her down the mountain while her face literally hangs on her head.
June 9, 2014
After reading this engaging, thoughtful, and sometimes downright terrifying narrative (in less than a week, I couldn't put it down), I now know the resiliency it takes to be a true survivor. The moments this woman endured were some that I'm not sure I could take on myself, and that was all before she got attacked by a bear.
I was pleasantly surprised at how funny it was. Through all of her questionable decisions and very unique experiences, she keeps a humorous voice throughout. Her perspective is one that I will always carry with me.
I was pleasantly surprised at how funny it was. Through all of her questionable decisions and very unique experiences, she keeps a humorous voice throughout. Her perspective is one that I will always carry with me.
June 9, 2014
A bear attack is enough to have to you cautiously, yet curiously, drawn to explore the survivor tale—or at least the first chapter of it. Hansen’s undoubtedly admirable and humorous outlook on life, expressive writing style, and continuously engaging tales will keep you reading until the end. Despite Hansen's many hard and traumatic knocks, she will take you on a roller coaster of emotions—shock, frustration, misery, and above all, laughter and inspiration
June 9, 2014
A bear attack is enough to have to you cautiously, yet curiously, drawn to explore the survivor tale—or at least the first chapter of it. Hansen’s undoubtedly admirable and humorous outlook on life, expressive writing style, and continuously engaging tales will keep you reading until the end. Despite Hansen's many hard and traumatic knocks, she will take you on a roller coaster of emotions—shock, frustration, misery, and above all, laughter and inspiration.
November 19, 2013
Entertaining for sure - but I couldn't help but wonder as this woman drifts thru early adulthood and on into maturity (?), perhaps she could have had a little more control of her life. She really experienced way too much bad stuff. She is a good writer - keeps you interested.
April 3, 2023
This is a very well written, interesting, introspective book. It’s full of hilarious stories and lessons learned. Bought it because I read her AMA on Reddit regarding the bead attack, but realized there’s so much more to her story.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews