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Secrets: A true story of addiction, infidelity and second chances
"I wish it never happened."
These are the words of Jonathan Daugherty, a man who had a secret, one that shaped his view of life and relationships for thirteen years. Secrets is his story of overcoming addiction, infidelity, and finally finding the path that led him to a place of true peace and freedom.
In this powerful and personal book, Jonathan
--The nature and danger of secrets
--The consequences of emotional detachment
--Insights for dealing with addiction, death, brokenness, and healing
--The secret to living a life of peace and joy
Secrets is a true story of one man's journey through brokenness and despair that will captivate you, encourage you, and ultimately motivate you to live your own life to the fullest. Whether you are living a double life of secrecy and lies or not, Secrets will move you to reconsider how you live your life from this moment on, challenging you to live each day with no more regrets.
These are the words of Jonathan Daugherty, a man who had a secret, one that shaped his view of life and relationships for thirteen years. Secrets is his story of overcoming addiction, infidelity, and finally finding the path that led him to a place of true peace and freedom.
In this powerful and personal book, Jonathan
--The nature and danger of secrets
--The consequences of emotional detachment
--Insights for dealing with addiction, death, brokenness, and healing
--The secret to living a life of peace and joy
Secrets is a true story of one man's journey through brokenness and despair that will captivate you, encourage you, and ultimately motivate you to live your own life to the fullest. Whether you are living a double life of secrecy and lies or not, Secrets will move you to reconsider how you live your life from this moment on, challenging you to live each day with no more regrets.
- GenresChristian
166 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2009
9 people are currently reading
26 people want to read
About the author
Jonathan Daugherty
24 books2 followersJonathan Daugherty is the founder of Be Broken Ministries, and founder of Gateway to Freedom workshop for men. He also hosts the weekly radio broadcast, Pure Sex Radio, and is in demand nationally as a speaker on sexual purity and men s issues. He has appeared on multiple radio and television media, both local and national.
Jonathan is the author of Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances, Grace-Based Recovery: A Safe Place to Heal and Grow, The 4 Pillars of Purity, and other works.
Jonathan lives with his wife and three children in San Antonio, Texas.
Jonathan is the author of Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances, Grace-Based Recovery: A Safe Place to Heal and Grow, The 4 Pillars of Purity, and other works.
Jonathan lives with his wife and three children in San Antonio, Texas.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 11, 2017
Source: Free copy from New Growth Press.
Rating: Good.
My Thoughts:
It is always difficult for me to write a book review that is so deeply personal to me. I struggle with how transparent to be in sharing from my own life the similarities that I found in the book. Sexual addiction is not something I’ve struggled with. Pornography is not something I’ve struggled with. But these two issues have effected my life. I know first hand the ugly mess they make in a marriage and in relationships period. I could have passed over the opportunity to read this book. I could have chickened out and let the tour group know I can’t handle writing a review. But, maybe I am just the person who needs to read and share my thoughts in a review?
The first thing I noticed about the book is it’s small. The content of the book is only 124 pages. Most of the people I know, both family and friends, are not big readers. A small book is an approachable book to a nonreader or a person who reads little. I consider this a positive point about this book. It is a book with a heavy story and topic, but it is approachable in size. It at least looks less scary.
Daugherty’s writing style is informal. To write with transparency about a difficult subject, how he became involved, and the consequences of involvement takes courage. The serious nature of the book could have become so stomach churning that a reader might need an Alka-Seltzer. So, there are moments when he is witty. These moments are needed, they bring relief.
What I liked best about the book is Daugherty is quick to accept blame. He is descriptive in regards to the spiraling downfall of the addiction. He explains how indulging in one thing led to a second thing, and the second thing led to a third, and so forth.
Daugherty points out sexual addiction is about escape. I believe addictions, no matter the addiction, is about escaping from a reality that the person can’t handle.
He explains how sexual addiction effects intimacy. The fantasy in the mind is more enticing than a real relationship.
He expresses how deceptive the addiction is to the person who tries so hard to cover their tracks. They don’t want anyone to know. He tried to present himself as a Christian man involved in church, and as a married man, but he was living a double life.
In the final chapters, he shared the recovery process. A first step in recovery is admitting the problem, followed by confession. Daugherty stresses the importance of brokenness and repentance over the sin.
What I disliked about the book is the ease of reconciliation between Daugherty and his wife. What I wanted to read about was the details (including long-term) of working through what happened to them. Daugherty explains in some part. I needed more of the mechanics of what the couple did in processing the different emotions and the work to heal. I did not hear from Mrs. Daugherty in this book. I do not know her story.
When a couple reconciles after adultery has been committed, trust is one of the strong elements that must be worked on. And trust is never a given, it must be earned through the entirety of marriage.
Forgiveness is necessary, but forgiveness does not mean reconciliation will happen. People think sometimes that reconciliation is an automatic response after forgiveness. I don’t believe that. I also believe it is easier to walk away from a broken marriage then stay and fix it. Adultery, betrayal, deception, and abuse are things that cannot be undone in this lifetime. They can be forgiven, but they are not forgotten. People work toward healing, but full healing will not be in this lifetime. A question to ask is if my husband and I are out eating dinner at a restaurant and we see the person who my husband committed adultery with, what will we do, and how will we feel? What if people at church and the job know about what happened? What if someone tells our children? For the offended and betrayed spouse, it is humiliating and horribly painful. Years and years from now people will still know and talk about the husband who betrayed, and the wife who chose to stay in the marriage. Marriage can heal and time helps, but the couple must understand it is a lifetime of work. Renewing the wedding vows is not the key. It is a symbol and a good start, but not the answer. Daugherty was quick to state, “God healed my marriage.” I am thankful he gave God the glory. I still wanted to see the mechanics of their marriage afterwards.
Rating: Good.
My Thoughts:
It is always difficult for me to write a book review that is so deeply personal to me. I struggle with how transparent to be in sharing from my own life the similarities that I found in the book. Sexual addiction is not something I’ve struggled with. Pornography is not something I’ve struggled with. But these two issues have effected my life. I know first hand the ugly mess they make in a marriage and in relationships period. I could have passed over the opportunity to read this book. I could have chickened out and let the tour group know I can’t handle writing a review. But, maybe I am just the person who needs to read and share my thoughts in a review?
The first thing I noticed about the book is it’s small. The content of the book is only 124 pages. Most of the people I know, both family and friends, are not big readers. A small book is an approachable book to a nonreader or a person who reads little. I consider this a positive point about this book. It is a book with a heavy story and topic, but it is approachable in size. It at least looks less scary.
Daugherty’s writing style is informal. To write with transparency about a difficult subject, how he became involved, and the consequences of involvement takes courage. The serious nature of the book could have become so stomach churning that a reader might need an Alka-Seltzer. So, there are moments when he is witty. These moments are needed, they bring relief.
What I liked best about the book is Daugherty is quick to accept blame. He is descriptive in regards to the spiraling downfall of the addiction. He explains how indulging in one thing led to a second thing, and the second thing led to a third, and so forth.
Daugherty points out sexual addiction is about escape. I believe addictions, no matter the addiction, is about escaping from a reality that the person can’t handle.
He explains how sexual addiction effects intimacy. The fantasy in the mind is more enticing than a real relationship.
He expresses how deceptive the addiction is to the person who tries so hard to cover their tracks. They don’t want anyone to know. He tried to present himself as a Christian man involved in church, and as a married man, but he was living a double life.
In the final chapters, he shared the recovery process. A first step in recovery is admitting the problem, followed by confession. Daugherty stresses the importance of brokenness and repentance over the sin.
What I disliked about the book is the ease of reconciliation between Daugherty and his wife. What I wanted to read about was the details (including long-term) of working through what happened to them. Daugherty explains in some part. I needed more of the mechanics of what the couple did in processing the different emotions and the work to heal. I did not hear from Mrs. Daugherty in this book. I do not know her story.
When a couple reconciles after adultery has been committed, trust is one of the strong elements that must be worked on. And trust is never a given, it must be earned through the entirety of marriage.
Forgiveness is necessary, but forgiveness does not mean reconciliation will happen. People think sometimes that reconciliation is an automatic response after forgiveness. I don’t believe that. I also believe it is easier to walk away from a broken marriage then stay and fix it. Adultery, betrayal, deception, and abuse are things that cannot be undone in this lifetime. They can be forgiven, but they are not forgotten. People work toward healing, but full healing will not be in this lifetime. A question to ask is if my husband and I are out eating dinner at a restaurant and we see the person who my husband committed adultery with, what will we do, and how will we feel? What if people at church and the job know about what happened? What if someone tells our children? For the offended and betrayed spouse, it is humiliating and horribly painful. Years and years from now people will still know and talk about the husband who betrayed, and the wife who chose to stay in the marriage. Marriage can heal and time helps, but the couple must understand it is a lifetime of work. Renewing the wedding vows is not the key. It is a symbol and a good start, but not the answer. Daugherty was quick to state, “God healed my marriage.” I am thankful he gave God the glory. I still wanted to see the mechanics of their marriage afterwards.
December 11, 2017
Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances by Jonathan Daugherty covers topics that are uncomfortable, but needful for Christians to learn about and discuss. Many Christian men (and women!) struggle with issues such as pornography or addiction, but often don't seek help due to embarrassment or fear. The book description says:
"Everyone has a secret or two areas of their life they would rather not share with the general public. But Jonathan Daugherty had a life-altering, relationship-ending secret that he wanted to keep hidden at all costs. And it did cost him. His secret snatched away contentment, peace, and the possibility of being known and loved for who he really is. That s what any addiction can do but in particular a sex addiction. When his wife finally realized who Jonathan really was and what he was really doing, their marriage seemed to be over. Jonathan shares honestly and courageously his story of pornography addiction to it and how he lost everything. But that s not the whole story. Someone else was at work while Jonathan was struggling his heavenly Father. At the lowest possible moment of his life, God stepped in and brought hope and healing. This is a story of loss and redemption that will give hope to anyone who has ever experienced the power of addiction and its life-destroying effects. Addiction doesn't have the last word in Jonathan's life or in his marriage. "
Secrets is a very small, short book that would be perfect to give to a fellow Christian who is struggling. This is a great resource for pastors or counselors to keep on hand to give away. Jonathan goes through his story in a very honest yet discreet way. He tells the whole story without going into salacious, unnecessary, or inappropriate details. Each short chapter ends with a takeaway, questions for reflection, and action steps to take. This book was at times difficult to read because of the heavy and depressing subject matter and I had to set it aside at times, but I highly recommend it to either anyone struggling with these issues or anyone who is looking for resources for these issues.
I received a copy of this book from Litfuse in order to provide an honest and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.
"Everyone has a secret or two areas of their life they would rather not share with the general public. But Jonathan Daugherty had a life-altering, relationship-ending secret that he wanted to keep hidden at all costs. And it did cost him. His secret snatched away contentment, peace, and the possibility of being known and loved for who he really is. That s what any addiction can do but in particular a sex addiction. When his wife finally realized who Jonathan really was and what he was really doing, their marriage seemed to be over. Jonathan shares honestly and courageously his story of pornography addiction to it and how he lost everything. But that s not the whole story. Someone else was at work while Jonathan was struggling his heavenly Father. At the lowest possible moment of his life, God stepped in and brought hope and healing. This is a story of loss and redemption that will give hope to anyone who has ever experienced the power of addiction and its life-destroying effects. Addiction doesn't have the last word in Jonathan's life or in his marriage. "
Secrets is a very small, short book that would be perfect to give to a fellow Christian who is struggling. This is a great resource for pastors or counselors to keep on hand to give away. Jonathan goes through his story in a very honest yet discreet way. He tells the whole story without going into salacious, unnecessary, or inappropriate details. Each short chapter ends with a takeaway, questions for reflection, and action steps to take. This book was at times difficult to read because of the heavy and depressing subject matter and I had to set it aside at times, but I highly recommend it to either anyone struggling with these issues or anyone who is looking for resources for these issues.
I received a copy of this book from Litfuse in order to provide an honest and unbiased review. All opinions are my own.
July 30, 2017
In this book, the author chronicles his life from his first exposure to pornography to deliverance from it, along with the effect it had on his life and marriage. He does not glorify sin in the book, nor is he graphic, but his story shows not only the harm of pornography addiction, but the effect a life of secrets has on a person, his relationships with his wife and others, and his relationship with God.
This would not be an easy book to write. To bare your soul and tell all of your secrets in a book many will read, takes courage and faith. The book is not long, coming in at only 126 pages, but the author packs a lot into the book, mostly hitting on the main highs and lows of his life. He pulls no punches nor makes any excuses, but lays it all out how he got addicted, how he felt and acted, and how it affected his wife and marriage.
The book is not a discouraging read though. Daughtery shows how he was brought to the end of himself and finally surrender himself and his addictions to God. The restoration of his marriage and the launch of his ministry were miraculous, and it is awesome he is now using the bad in his life to help others struggling in the same areas.
Secrets is an interesting and encouraging read. Not everyone looking at pornography will go on to actual adultery as Daughtery did, but pornography itself is adultery and increases the chances of an actual affair.
I definitely recommend this book, and not just to those struggling in these areas. It can be a warning to anyone to not go down this road.
I was given a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
This would not be an easy book to write. To bare your soul and tell all of your secrets in a book many will read, takes courage and faith. The book is not long, coming in at only 126 pages, but the author packs a lot into the book, mostly hitting on the main highs and lows of his life. He pulls no punches nor makes any excuses, but lays it all out how he got addicted, how he felt and acted, and how it affected his wife and marriage.
The book is not a discouraging read though. Daughtery shows how he was brought to the end of himself and finally surrender himself and his addictions to God. The restoration of his marriage and the launch of his ministry were miraculous, and it is awesome he is now using the bad in his life to help others struggling in the same areas.
Secrets is an interesting and encouraging read. Not everyone looking at pornography will go on to actual adultery as Daughtery did, but pornography itself is adultery and increases the chances of an actual affair.
I definitely recommend this book, and not just to those struggling in these areas. It can be a warning to anyone to not go down this road.
I was given a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
December 11, 2017
"Everyone has a secret or two areas of their life they would rather not share with the general public."
Secrets is a small book that is packed with a bunch. It is a cross between a conversation and a self help book. It could be considered a devotional of sorts as well, I suppose. It seems as the author is having a conversation with you. It is a small thin book to help start a conversation about the hard stuff in life. The brokenness, the trouble, the things no one wants to talk about. He makes it deeply personal by telling us the readers how his brokenness overtook his life. Although at the end of each profound memory, he gives the read hope. He does this by sharing why his feelings were wrong and how living without secrets can be accomplished.
I have never struggled with a sexual addiction, or had an issue with pornography. Although I have seen how this can ruin lives, destroy marriage, and leave carnage in its wake. The author is so courageous and unapologetic in his writing. Rarely in the world, and in christian self help books do we someone so completely and candidly reveal they aren't perfect, that they can give advice because they have struggled, the have recovered, and they have healed. I admire his courage to really speak the truth.
I personally feel like this book is a must read for anyone struggling with addiction whether sexual or some other kind. I feel like pastors and counselor need to have this on their shelves.
Disclaimer: I received this book from Litfuse in exchange for my honest and unbiased review. All thoughts are my own and do not reflect that.
August 4, 2017
This book was very encourage, inspire and compelling to read with had giving us a story that will be find of a true to a new direction in life. The author of this book had been invite us to embark on his new journey and about his person life and his experiences. This will be provides an appropriate balance to dealing with some of life’s most difficult circumstances and events. He was went to the darkness in his life and struggles with sexual addiction and hiding the secrets from the one you love the most. Along the way with his journey step by step we will learn and see how and what it took he to find the truth about himself and God himself brought him back to see a hope in his life again. Jonathan Daugherty is the founder of Be Broken Ministries and founder of Gateway to Freedom workshop for men. He also hosts the weekly radio broadcast, Pure Sex Radio, and is in demand nationally as a speaker on sexual purity and men’s issues. He has appeared on multiple radio and television media, both local and national. He has authored Grace-Based Recovery, The 4 Pillars of Purity, and other works, Jonathan lives with his wife and three children in San Antonio, Texas I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. “ I received complimentary a copy of this book from Litfuse Publicity for this review “.
December 28, 2018
Are you setting goals for the new year? Ready to get "that monkey" off your back?
If you’re in ministry, or if you need to be ministered, I have the perfect book for you.
Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances, by Jonathan Daugherty is a must. You will read how a man kept a secret—a secret that shaped his view of life and relationships—for over ten years and how that secret almost ruined his life. It’s a dark story—yet illuminated with the power found in God’s love and grace. Secrets offers an example of no matter how far you are from your purpose, Jesus will reach down—into the depths of hell if need be—and redeem you.
My husband and I listened to the Audible book version during a five-hour drive. We’d listen … pause and discuss what we heard … then listened some more.
It’s great for men but also good for women and building strong marriages. I can’t say enough good things about this book. Look at Jonathan’s website and learn more about this man and his heart for sexual integrity.
If you’re in ministry, or if you need to be ministered, I have the perfect book for you.
Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances, by Jonathan Daugherty is a must. You will read how a man kept a secret—a secret that shaped his view of life and relationships—for over ten years and how that secret almost ruined his life. It’s a dark story—yet illuminated with the power found in God’s love and grace. Secrets offers an example of no matter how far you are from your purpose, Jesus will reach down—into the depths of hell if need be—and redeem you.
My husband and I listened to the Audible book version during a five-hour drive. We’d listen … pause and discuss what we heard … then listened some more.
It’s great for men but also good for women and building strong marriages. I can’t say enough good things about this book. Look at Jonathan’s website and learn more about this man and his heart for sexual integrity.
December 11, 2017
If I had to sum up Jonathon Daugherty’s Secrets in only one word, I’d choose, “courageous”. Daugherty offers an unapologetic view into his own personal struggle with sexual addictions.
Rarely does one encounter an author willing to peel back the external layers to candidly reveal a true self. This book is a definite must read for anyone struggling with addiction whether sexual or some other kind.
What Daughtery doesn’t offer is a useless “Ten Steps to Healing” perspective, but instead gives readers a hard truth; deliverance only comes with full surrender to Christ.
Secrets offers hope not only for healing but also for the possibility of full restoration, the kind that only Christ can bring.
*A complimentary copy of the book was provided in exchange for this review.
Rarely does one encounter an author willing to peel back the external layers to candidly reveal a true self. This book is a definite must read for anyone struggling with addiction whether sexual or some other kind.
What Daughtery doesn’t offer is a useless “Ten Steps to Healing” perspective, but instead gives readers a hard truth; deliverance only comes with full surrender to Christ.
Secrets offers hope not only for healing but also for the possibility of full restoration, the kind that only Christ can bring.
*A complimentary copy of the book was provided in exchange for this review.
December 11, 2017
Secrets reads like a cross between a conversation and a devotional. I felt just like we were sitting together and he was telling me how his brokenness overtook his life. But just at the end of each profound memory, he gave me hope in showing me why his feelings were wrong and how living without secrets can be accomplished.
This is a book I think everyone can find useful, if they’re willing to look. I know I’ll be sharing it with my family (so they can help me to move past my past) and with my pastor (for others who may need this as well.).
This is a book I think everyone can find useful, if they’re willing to look. I know I’ll be sharing it with my family (so they can help me to move past my past) and with my pastor (for others who may need this as well.).
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews