When Parents Die: A Guide for Adults

by Edward Myers

The topics range from the psychological responses to a parent's death such as shock, depression, and guilt, to the practical consequences such as dealing with estates and funerals.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Grief, Death, Health, Psychology

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1986

Reviews

[carmen! · Rating 2 out of 5]

the hospital told me to read this so i did. it turns out everyone is different and everything is normal. NOT HELPFUL

[Susan Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I've seen my mom struggle with cancer over the years and have repeatedly confronted the likelihood that my mother will die, I have searched for and read many resources on this topic, and this one definitely stands out. It is clear, sensitive, and practical, written not only for older adults losing parents, but also young adults (which for me seems nearly impossible to find - often I see things and thingk "no, I don't have my own kids to worry about, but I'm also not a teenager who hasn't learned to take care of myself... where do I fit here?"). In preparing for the loss of a parent or picking up the pieces from it, this book provides a good basic overview of the changed landscape, and is a good foundation for further work on processing it.
Note, it does contain some gems that I think could be helpful for those who've been processing the grief for longer, depending on the situation, but it may be a bit too broad for these and not deep enough since they've possibly gleaned this information elsewhere.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in the weeks following my dad's somewhat unexpected passing in 2015 and found it to be immensely helpful. There were days that I literally questioned my sanity and reading this confirmed that all of my feelings, no matter how irrational or crazy they seemed, were legitimate and all part of the grieving process. I have recommended and purchased 'When Parents Die' for others.

It touches on different aspects of death and dying; sudden death, terminal/lengthy illnesses and in my case, the in between.

Quick read, you can pick and choose what is relevant to your situation. Highly recommend.

[Jen]

Excellent book for young adults who have experienced the death of a parent. I think this is an excellent book for people of any age; however, I feel the writer has particularly excellent insight for those in their twenties and thirties who have lost a parent. I also highly recommend it to friends and family of the person who has experienced this loss, as it can give helpful insight into what they may be experiencing.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

In my journey of grief after my mom's passing, this book seemed to have all the answers. I don't feel so alone in my feelings of loss and anger and displacement. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has lost a parent or is in the process of losing one. I'd even go asfar to recommend you buy it for any friend in that situation as well.

[Marlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first of many "grieving books" I am reading. Easy to read and comforting to know I was not going crazy.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in one day since I was feeling particularly low about my dad’s loss. I skipped a few parts that weren’t relevant to me, and I feel a lot of the book was just reinforcing what I already knew. However, it helped me immensely when he spoke about feelings younger adults in their twenties experienced. It made me feel like my feelings were not crazy or stupid. The fact of the matter is that there is no cure for grief. No one has a magic answer. It’s a process, and the author mentions this at the very start. I think it fulfills its intended purpose, which is to validate your feelings and provide practical assistance.

[Jade Aase · Rating 5 out of 5]

After losing my dad suddenly at 62 (I am 31), bereavement has been challenging and there is not much useful guidance across books, articles, etc. This book was practical, kind and offered valuable insight into the multifaceted process of grief. It was written in the 80s and so much of it still holds true. Unlike another review, I find the author was quite flexible in telling readers grief looks different on everyone. Through it’s practicality, I found this book very comforting.

[Kristen]

Outdated, yet surprisingly relevant. Best for those who want a primer on grief, and to hear a spectrum of stories that represent nearly every possible experience of parental loss, to ensure that it’s almost impossible to feel “weird” or “abnormal” about your own grieving process.

[Maria Steele · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read -

[Leah K · Rating 3 out of 5]

When Parents Die: A Guide for Adults

★★★

I’ve been on sort of a self-help book kick lately. There’s just some kind of comfort in reading these books and knowing you’re not alone in your journey through grief.

In my search for dealing with the grief of a parent, I found most of the books focused on a young audience – ones that had sadly lost their parent(s) at a much younger age. I was happy to find a book the focused just on the adult aspect of losing a parent. There was some good information throughout this book, but honestly not really anything I wasn’t aware of (this is probably due to me already reading so many books on grief and not a fault of the authors part). Some parts are fairly out of date as this book was written in 1981 and revised in 1997, technology and care have taken leaps this book doesn’t discuss. I did like that the author put his own experiences into this book, along with others, giving it a more personal feeling. A good book on dealing with the death of a parent and worth a look but nothing incredibly ground breaking.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just when I thought that I might end up giving this book three stars, the last twenty-five percent of it contained some solid gold information, making it a very valuable book for adults grieving the loss of one or both of their parents. That's not to say that the rest of it contained no value; in fact, I think this is a book that every child should read as his or her parents enter into their senior years. Issues of short illness versus long decline, plus various care options are discussed. Unfortunately, for those who will see the title of this book and buy it, the bulk of the decisions and feelings related to that particular set of issues are already in the past.

I recommend this book, particularly to anyone who wants special insight to the experiences specific to losing a parent, one of the most expected, but perhaps underestimated losses that most of us will experience.

[J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This being the second book on this topic that I chose to read, I'm glad I didn't read it first. The first was far more emotional and relatable. This one, though at first I found it distancing and unattractive, was far more clinical in it's approach to parental death grief. About mid-way through, I came to appreciate that distance.

I appreciated this book for the insight it offered, but found the most value in it's closing paragraph:
"We shared what we had the sense to share. It was a lot. And it was good."
This was what I really needed to hear.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book lets you know that you're not the only one who has experienced the loss of a parent as an adult and that your reactions are normal. It was reassuring to know that the grieving process for many can take months even for adult children. It's not a topic I would normally read about, but when the subject pertains to you, it helped me cope with the situation. Plan to have a box of tissues nearby when reading.

[Felicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a somewhat helpful, reassuring book about the experience of losing a parent. It was nice to see that certain reactions and responses that don't seem quite right are actually very common and perfectly appropriate.

[Julie]

When Parents Die: A Guide for Adults by Edward Myers (1997)

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hate that I read this book, but nonetheless it was helpful to me.

[Carrie]

very helpful

[Jenni Pertuset · Rating 2 out of 5]

This could have been a grief pamphlet: grief is hard, it's different for everyone, here's what you might feel, there's nothing wrong with you, all of your feelings are OK.

[Tess White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book...just preparing ahead of time...

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good guide for adults managing grief after the death of a parent. Information is presented in an easily accessible manner that is straightforward and also compassionate.