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Friedman's Fables
Edwin H. Friedman has woven 24 illustrative tales that offer fresh perspectives on familiar human foibles and reflect the author's humor, pathos, and understanding. Friedman takes on resistance and other "demons" to show that neither insight, nor encouragement, nor intimidation can in themselves motivate an unmotivated person to change. These tales playfully demonstrate that new ideas, new questions, and imagination, more than accepted wisdom, provide each of us with the keys to overcoming stubborn emotional barriers and facilitating real change both in ourselves and others. Thought-provoking discussion questions for each fable are included. See also the downloadable audiobook, Friedman's Favorites Read by the Author, featuring 15 of the tales narrated in Dr. Friedman's inimitable style.
258 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1990
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October 4, 2023Good and memorable way to get some of Friedman's principles across. 24 Fables that seek to disprove the following:
- that communication is a cerebral phenomenon rather than an emotional process
- that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change
- that resistance to your message can be overcome by trying harder
- that seriousness is deeper than playfulness.
- that communication is a cerebral phenomenon rather than an emotional process
- that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change
- that resistance to your message can be overcome by trying harder
- that seriousness is deeper than playfulness.
August 19, 2023
Aesop's Fables was a collection of fables, each with a moral truth, which was compiled within 300 years of his death in 562 BCE. Many were told using animals as the actors in his stories. Rabbi Friedmann has compiled his own set of 24 similar tales to depict the human dilemma. These fables are applicable to couples, marriage, families, and theology.
This collection was recommended to me for sermon illustrations or Christian adult formation groups. Although I did find a few that were applicable, I found the majority were too lengthy and repetative and would require further editing to make them usable. My hardback copy included a series of discussion questions for each story, which I don't believe is available in the electronic version.
This collection was recommended to me for sermon illustrations or Christian adult formation groups. Although I did find a few that were applicable, I found the majority were too lengthy and repetative and would require further editing to make them usable. My hardback copy included a series of discussion questions for each story, which I don't believe is available in the electronic version.
March 9, 2025
Excellent. This would be a great book to read with others and discuss possible meanings and interpretations. They’re definitely meant to be read over and over and to be thought on and discussed over. I can see them as being helpful in counseling as well to be illustrations to help struggling people to recognize their problems and suggest a course of action.
February 25, 2012
This was an easy read, with some really fun moments.
November 30, 2020
Friedman is a superb communicator, and when he writes or teaches, we are best served by sitting on the edge of our chair, eyes forward, and ears cupped, to take in every word, paying attention to the order he places them in each sentence. This is a book of extraordinary fables. And if you are fortunate, there is an enclosed booklet with a proverbial moral for each fable along with 10 questions for our consideration. And we are to know that our answers are only for the existential moment.
“This is a paean for ambiguity. I have long believed that questions are more important than answers, in part, because they are eternal, while answers resemble fashions that come and go with the age. I have also treasured questions more than answers because I believe that in the effort to stimulate growth, the continual challenge of trying to reframe questions in a way that promotes fresh vision has a natural superiority over the struggle to find answers to the way others have posed them. For questions are perceptions, and the way they are framed already determines the spectrum of answers one can possibly imagine.”
Friedman’s use of fables in teaching is then best understood as being questions. Questions that teach best are fluid in nature and may flow from the fable itself or they may be “ironic, fantastic, mischievous, or outrageous.” We are invited to put ourselves inside each character in these fables to see ourselves with all the views presented. Friedman’s last paragraph in his Prologue sets the stage.
“The characters in these fables, therefore, also have another role than the part they play in their own plot. Their separate stories have been organized in such a way that the network of their collective fantasies can dramatize the reality of that perversity. In this they are iconoclasts, and the illusions they aim to shatter are:
* that communication is a cerebral phenomenon rather than an emotional process
* that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change
* that resistance to your message can be overcome by trying harder
* that seriousness is deeper than playfulness
Sit back in your box, therefore, and let them strut their stuff across the stage of your own imagination.” Each of the four sections has its introduction that opens us up for what is to come (I share here the first one for a hint of this book’s value for those who yearn to communicate better, to become better acquainted with ourselves).
“The Failure of Syntax -- The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech.”
-Thom Keely
“This is a paean for ambiguity. I have long believed that questions are more important than answers, in part, because they are eternal, while answers resemble fashions that come and go with the age. I have also treasured questions more than answers because I believe that in the effort to stimulate growth, the continual challenge of trying to reframe questions in a way that promotes fresh vision has a natural superiority over the struggle to find answers to the way others have posed them. For questions are perceptions, and the way they are framed already determines the spectrum of answers one can possibly imagine.”
Friedman’s use of fables in teaching is then best understood as being questions. Questions that teach best are fluid in nature and may flow from the fable itself or they may be “ironic, fantastic, mischievous, or outrageous.” We are invited to put ourselves inside each character in these fables to see ourselves with all the views presented. Friedman’s last paragraph in his Prologue sets the stage.
“The characters in these fables, therefore, also have another role than the part they play in their own plot. Their separate stories have been organized in such a way that the network of their collective fantasies can dramatize the reality of that perversity. In this they are iconoclasts, and the illusions they aim to shatter are:
* that communication is a cerebral phenomenon rather than an emotional process
* that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change
* that resistance to your message can be overcome by trying harder
* that seriousness is deeper than playfulness
Sit back in your box, therefore, and let them strut their stuff across the stage of your own imagination.” Each of the four sections has its introduction that opens us up for what is to come (I share here the first one for a hint of this book’s value for those who yearn to communicate better, to become better acquainted with ourselves).
“The Failure of Syntax -- The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech.”
-Thom Keely
July 17, 2011
Edwin H. Friedman (1932–96) was an ordained Jewish Rabbi and a family therapist. His most significant book is "Generation to Generation" (1985), written for the leaders of religious congregations.
Mainly because my pastor read/told one of the fables in this book, I decided to read it. (I had not heard of Friedman or his book previously.)
My evaluation of Friedman’s fables gathered in his book is similar to how I used to characterize the Far Side cartoons: 1/3 rather inane, 1/3 so-so, and 1/3 brilliant. Even though 2/3 of a book is a lot to read in order to profit from the remaining 1/3, perhaps it was worth it.
Friedman’s approach to family therapy was primarily shaped by an understanding of family systems theory, so those familiar with that (as well as his seminal book mentioned above) would likely get more out of his twenty-four fables than I did.
Still, the ones I did think were good were quite good and insightful. They include “Narcissus,” the fable that my pastor used in his sermon. Others I particularly liked are “The Friendly Forest,” “Projection,” and “Jean and Jane.”
Mainly because my pastor read/told one of the fables in this book, I decided to read it. (I had not heard of Friedman or his book previously.)
My evaluation of Friedman’s fables gathered in his book is similar to how I used to characterize the Far Side cartoons: 1/3 rather inane, 1/3 so-so, and 1/3 brilliant. Even though 2/3 of a book is a lot to read in order to profit from the remaining 1/3, perhaps it was worth it.
Friedman’s approach to family therapy was primarily shaped by an understanding of family systems theory, so those familiar with that (as well as his seminal book mentioned above) would likely get more out of his twenty-four fables than I did.
Still, the ones I did think were good were quite good and insightful. They include “Narcissus,” the fable that my pastor used in his sermon. Others I particularly liked are “The Friendly Forest,” “Projection,” and “Jean and Jane.”
September 1, 2020
I really, really like Friedman's books on individual and corporate emotional health, and so it was really fun to read a book full of illustrations of his. Plus, I really love fables.
There's at least one that I already quote all the time, and many that have really stuck with. And all of them held my interest and challenged me to interpret and to think for myself. Which is pretty great.
As I'm writing this, it actually reminds me of the fact that Jesus taught primarily in stories. What a beautiful, gentle way to lead someone into their own discovery of truth, rather than pounding the truth into them via dialectical hammer.
There's at least one that I already quote all the time, and many that have really stuck with. And all of them held my interest and challenged me to interpret and to think for myself. Which is pretty great.
As I'm writing this, it actually reminds me of the fact that Jesus taught primarily in stories. What a beautiful, gentle way to lead someone into their own discovery of truth, rather than pounding the truth into them via dialectical hammer.
Read
March 27, 2023Friedman’s “Failure of Nerve” was an incredible book. So I thought these fables would present some of those truths in ab narrative parable-type form.
They did so very nicely. Most of the stories left me thinking and out some indelible images in my head that will help me remember concepts and relay them to others. This is a book with long lasting, helpful echos.
They did so very nicely. Most of the stories left me thinking and out some indelible images in my head that will help me remember concepts and relay them to others. This is a book with long lasting, helpful echos.
December 7, 2022
Really rewarding if you have your Bible open, and brothers nearby to discuss these, as I got to do in my seminary counseling III class.
February 3, 2021
Friedman provides a book of stories that help teach some good life lessons. Not a book you want to sit down and read from cover to cover, but from time to time.
The stories give helpful illustrations to use in counseling or discussion groups. It is not Christian, but often they teach wisdom principles. Friedman, a Jewish family Psychologist, organized them into four main categories of help: "The Failure of Syntax" "The Demons of Resistance" "Bonds and Binds" and "Reptilian Regressions."
The parable/fable is such a good medium for truth because we can grasp hard to reach truths more easily. Adding a dash of humor also allows the principles to go down more easily. Friedman's imagination often helps with that.
The Friendly Forest is a fable that every pastor should read. Anyone who has to deal with abuse victims would do well to keep it in mind. I'll quote the conclusion which will help you get a taste of the whole story:
"I never heard of anything so ridiculous. If you want a lamb and a tiger to lie in the same forest, you don't try to make them communicate. You cage the bloody tiger."
Not all the parables are as obvious as this one. Friedman wants you to think through some difficult tensions and issues.
I like the idea of a conversation between Moses, Marx, and Freud, though not necessarily where the author goes as he concludes that conversation.
Fun little book overall.
The stories give helpful illustrations to use in counseling or discussion groups. It is not Christian, but often they teach wisdom principles. Friedman, a Jewish family Psychologist, organized them into four main categories of help: "The Failure of Syntax" "The Demons of Resistance" "Bonds and Binds" and "Reptilian Regressions."
The parable/fable is such a good medium for truth because we can grasp hard to reach truths more easily. Adding a dash of humor also allows the principles to go down more easily. Friedman's imagination often helps with that.
The Friendly Forest is a fable that every pastor should read. Anyone who has to deal with abuse victims would do well to keep it in mind. I'll quote the conclusion which will help you get a taste of the whole story:
"I never heard of anything so ridiculous. If you want a lamb and a tiger to lie in the same forest, you don't try to make them communicate. You cage the bloody tiger."
Not all the parables are as obvious as this one. Friedman wants you to think through some difficult tensions and issues.
I like the idea of a conversation between Moses, Marx, and Freud, though not necessarily where the author goes as he concludes that conversation.
Fun little book overall.
March 16, 2019
This is a powerful collection of metaphorical tales meant to reveal truths in human relationship/interaction... Some felt so descriptive of my own life that I cried while reading them. Others I’m not entirely sure I understand, and will need to unpack for quite some time. Some I discussed with my clergyman spouse and he helped me to better comprehend the depth packed into a few of these short tales.
If you’re seeking to live in community, grow in relationships, heal from family or personal life dysfunction, or just understand people better, I think this is a powerful resource. All the better for it not being a self help book or instructional manual but rather a mirror or a glimpse into the messy art of how people sometimes relate.
If you’re seeking to live in community, grow in relationships, heal from family or personal life dysfunction, or just understand people better, I think this is a powerful resource. All the better for it not being a self help book or instructional manual but rather a mirror or a glimpse into the messy art of how people sometimes relate.
June 28, 2013
I need to read it again, but as a middle schooler, this book really got me hooked on thinking about life from a broader prospective. A brilliant book that is highly accessible yet relates to issues and occurrences that many of us would rather not want to think about. Although I can't remember a whole lot about it, I still catch myself falling back towards a "reptilian regression", a phenomenon where people act strictly out of instinct and devoid of emotion, much like reptiles. A must read for young and old alike, preferably to each other.
January 24, 2009
The first of these fables was read aloud as a devotion at my church office staff meeting recently, and illustrated so clearly a recent struggle in my own personal life, that I had to buy the book. Each fable is very simple, using animal (or insect) characters, with a ZOWIE last couple of sentences. Each has illustrated a simple truth about human nature, and how to overcome (or at least recognize) faults, strengths, and weaknesses in ourselves and others. This is terrific reading!!
April 14, 2018
This is a collection of fables written by a psychotherapist in 1990. The fables are organized by themes, including resistance and regression. Some of the fables I liked more than others, like The Bridge, Jean and Jane, and Cinderella. The book is dedicated to Murray Bowen, whom I studied in graduate school years ago.
September 25, 2016
A 'how to' in leadership, AND in story form. For his more in-depth leadership philosophy, one would have to check out 'Failure of Nerve' and 'Generation to Generation' but 'Fables' leaves room for greater imagination that only stories/art can offer.
June 30, 2022
Friedman was a family therapist and rabbi who studied under Bowen. I really enjoyed these fables based on systems theory concepts. Such a simple and charming way to easily present what might seem more complex ideas.
May 31, 2022
If I could get this read by a million people I would. POWERFUL.
July 26, 2024
A lot of these fables are mediocre, forgettable, boring or annoying. This book suffers from the curse of any collection of short stories: they are of varying quality. My favorites are “The Curse” and “Tradition”, which are also coincidentally the most Jewish ones. My least favorites are “A Nervous Condition” and “The Lesson”, which both contain body horror.
The author wishes to tell lessons about communication through little stories that can be interpreted ambiguously. Sadly, way too many of them seem to have only one interpretation: the one that does not agree with what I have observed about human nature.
The stories say that you should not be controlled by another’s sensitivities, but whenever someone stands up for themselves in these stories, it feels like abuse. The author, using Cassandra the prophetess as a mouthpiece, tries to say that race, gender, time period, do not matter as much as the universal human condition, but does not write women very well, especially not Cassandra.
Some of these stories are funny, but way too many feel pretentious, like they are trying to be better than they are. The endings of these stories are often ambiguous or nonexistent, and while I like a good ambiguous ending, the majority of these endings are unsatisfying. Either there is no ending, a snap ending that leaves a sour taste in my mouth, or the rest of the story is mediocre making me not like an ending even when I should.
This whole collection is blah. I might revisit it when I am more experienced in the human condition and communication, because there were some good conclusions I drew from these stories. They however were buried in a mass of bad writing and stupid stories. The author needed a better editor.
The author wishes to tell lessons about communication through little stories that can be interpreted ambiguously. Sadly, way too many of them seem to have only one interpretation: the one that does not agree with what I have observed about human nature.
The stories say that you should not be controlled by another’s sensitivities, but whenever someone stands up for themselves in these stories, it feels like abuse. The author, using Cassandra the prophetess as a mouthpiece, tries to say that race, gender, time period, do not matter as much as the universal human condition, but does not write women very well, especially not Cassandra.
Some of these stories are funny, but way too many feel pretentious, like they are trying to be better than they are. The endings of these stories are often ambiguous or nonexistent, and while I like a good ambiguous ending, the majority of these endings are unsatisfying. Either there is no ending, a snap ending that leaves a sour taste in my mouth, or the rest of the story is mediocre making me not like an ending even when I should.
This whole collection is blah. I might revisit it when I am more experienced in the human condition and communication, because there were some good conclusions I drew from these stories. They however were buried in a mass of bad writing and stupid stories. The author needed a better editor.
June 13, 2015
These fables and the characters featured in the pages of each one are intended engage readers impersonally while stimulating their own imaginative powers. The characters in these fables play in their own various plots meanwhile the stories are seperated in a scheme to further emphasize the obsure order of the assocrted collection of stories. (Friedman, Kindle Locations 76, 104-106)
Summery: This book is a collection of fables. Many of which have gripping life lessons. Each section of the book as an introduction section that helps to create synergy in the following stories. It is difficult to summarize the whole book in this section with out going into detail on each story.
The failure of syntax: “The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard...Attitudes are the real figures of speech.” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 112-116) This section sets the tone for the book. It helped me to open my mind to the follow stories as well as cementing some of the concepts in “Crucial Conversations.” This is a healthy reminder that communication involves so much more of us them just the words we use; attitude, disposition, prespective, tone, body language, posture and much more. As a Youth Director with majority of teens in my group this is an important lesson to learn for myself as well as for me to share with them. Teens often feel misunderstood. The misunderstanding may stem from communication skills and all they encompass.
The bridge: This story seems like a methaphor for a situation I have seen too many times to count. A friend or family will ask for help. After we choose to help the person in need we realize the help requires more than we are equip, prepare or desire to invest. Also, insofar forgetting what we needed to do for ourselves. Many of us have had to come to the point like the man in the story and tell the person “I want you to listen carefully,” he said, “because I mean what I am about to say. I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; the position of choice for your own life I hereby give back to you.” Or my favorite saying “Get Right or Get Left.” Often times much like the story people who want you to carry their weight as well as your own will call you selfish like the hanging man in the story. (Friedman, Kindle Locations 165-166) I think the greatest lesson is in this fable in that we all have choices. The best we can do is honor our choices and honor the choices of others. (Friedman, Kindle Locations 171-172) Personally, through coaching, and teaching it is imparitive that we all learn and share that we understand that we have choices. As I further learn this concept and almost more difficulty learn to apply it, I can teach this lesson both in word and deed.
Reptilian Regressions: This section cover helps to introduce the concept of the behaviors that humans and animals may share that humans would rather deny. I have heard the fight or flight response described as living in our primal or reptilian brain. “Is it so far-fetched to say, therefore, that in all human communication when we have forgotten “the importance of not being earnest,” at such moments we have committed a reptilian regression?” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 1251-1253) There are a great many differentiating factors between humans and other animals and there are a great many similarities especially when we are “in the box”, objectify or closed off to others.
Caught in her own web: This fables is starting a manticulous lady spider who has been very intentional on how perfect and percise her web is spun. Although she had never reaching the pintical of purfection before, this day would be different. “this evening the angles were all equal. And the distance between the threads that joined the spokes was also uniform. Ms. Muffet had produced a set of absolutely regular concentric polygons. This had never occurred before anywhere in the entire kingdom of Arachnid. Every side of every octagon was the exact same distance from the one across, whether measured toward the center or from above.” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 1259-1261). Once Ms. Muffet discovered her perfect web she fought with all she had to keep it perfect. She ejected eat insect the web caught and quickly fixed where they had landed. “ Ms. Muffet had left nothing hanging: no loose ends, except one, her elevator dragstrand dangling, gossamer, in the breeze. And just above, and slightly to the right, a lifeless spec of derelict dirt: Ms. Muffet had died of starvation.” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 1310-1313) To her demise her passion for perfect would be the death of her. One of my favorite Proverbs reads, “Every wise woman buildeth her house; But the foolish plucketh it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1. Ms Muffet is an example of that proverb for me. I used to rush around my house trying to make it perfect. I did not want dishes in the sick, dirty clothes or anything out of its proper place. When my family and friends came to visit I spent more time cleaning up after everyone and I would not spend any time with anyone. I would fuss and complain about the mess the whole time the people where at my home. After a while I noticed that my family and friends stopped visiting. My brother, shared that he missed me and really wanted to spend time with me so he wanted to take me out to eat. I told him I had food at my house. He said that it was not a good idea because he was not able to spend time with me when I was at home because of all my obsesive cleaning. In that moment I had realized I had built my house up; it was clean, organized, and empty. I had built up my house and torn down my home, my ability to have family over, as Luther Vandross sang it “A house in not a home, When there's no one there to hold you tight.” (A House Is Not A Home)
An additional application that I must comment for this paper is that some of these stories will be shared directly in my youth group for Chat Night. I group loves short stories and I appriciate the allowing them to share with me the meaning of the seperate stories. The stories are a great ice breaker to open up contemperary issues.
Summery: This book is a collection of fables. Many of which have gripping life lessons. Each section of the book as an introduction section that helps to create synergy in the following stories. It is difficult to summarize the whole book in this section with out going into detail on each story.
The failure of syntax: “The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard...Attitudes are the real figures of speech.” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 112-116) This section sets the tone for the book. It helped me to open my mind to the follow stories as well as cementing some of the concepts in “Crucial Conversations.” This is a healthy reminder that communication involves so much more of us them just the words we use; attitude, disposition, prespective, tone, body language, posture and much more. As a Youth Director with majority of teens in my group this is an important lesson to learn for myself as well as for me to share with them. Teens often feel misunderstood. The misunderstanding may stem from communication skills and all they encompass.
The bridge: This story seems like a methaphor for a situation I have seen too many times to count. A friend or family will ask for help. After we choose to help the person in need we realize the help requires more than we are equip, prepare or desire to invest. Also, insofar forgetting what we needed to do for ourselves. Many of us have had to come to the point like the man in the story and tell the person “I want you to listen carefully,” he said, “because I mean what I am about to say. I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; the position of choice for your own life I hereby give back to you.” Or my favorite saying “Get Right or Get Left.” Often times much like the story people who want you to carry their weight as well as your own will call you selfish like the hanging man in the story. (Friedman, Kindle Locations 165-166) I think the greatest lesson is in this fable in that we all have choices. The best we can do is honor our choices and honor the choices of others. (Friedman, Kindle Locations 171-172) Personally, through coaching, and teaching it is imparitive that we all learn and share that we understand that we have choices. As I further learn this concept and almost more difficulty learn to apply it, I can teach this lesson both in word and deed.
Reptilian Regressions: This section cover helps to introduce the concept of the behaviors that humans and animals may share that humans would rather deny. I have heard the fight or flight response described as living in our primal or reptilian brain. “Is it so far-fetched to say, therefore, that in all human communication when we have forgotten “the importance of not being earnest,” at such moments we have committed a reptilian regression?” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 1251-1253) There are a great many differentiating factors between humans and other animals and there are a great many similarities especially when we are “in the box”, objectify or closed off to others.
Caught in her own web: This fables is starting a manticulous lady spider who has been very intentional on how perfect and percise her web is spun. Although she had never reaching the pintical of purfection before, this day would be different. “this evening the angles were all equal. And the distance between the threads that joined the spokes was also uniform. Ms. Muffet had produced a set of absolutely regular concentric polygons. This had never occurred before anywhere in the entire kingdom of Arachnid. Every side of every octagon was the exact same distance from the one across, whether measured toward the center or from above.” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 1259-1261). Once Ms. Muffet discovered her perfect web she fought with all she had to keep it perfect. She ejected eat insect the web caught and quickly fixed where they had landed. “ Ms. Muffet had left nothing hanging: no loose ends, except one, her elevator dragstrand dangling, gossamer, in the breeze. And just above, and slightly to the right, a lifeless spec of derelict dirt: Ms. Muffet had died of starvation.” (Friedman, Kindle Locations 1310-1313) To her demise her passion for perfect would be the death of her. One of my favorite Proverbs reads, “Every wise woman buildeth her house; But the foolish plucketh it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1. Ms Muffet is an example of that proverb for me. I used to rush around my house trying to make it perfect. I did not want dishes in the sick, dirty clothes or anything out of its proper place. When my family and friends came to visit I spent more time cleaning up after everyone and I would not spend any time with anyone. I would fuss and complain about the mess the whole time the people where at my home. After a while I noticed that my family and friends stopped visiting. My brother, shared that he missed me and really wanted to spend time with me so he wanted to take me out to eat. I told him I had food at my house. He said that it was not a good idea because he was not able to spend time with me when I was at home because of all my obsesive cleaning. In that moment I had realized I had built my house up; it was clean, organized, and empty. I had built up my house and torn down my home, my ability to have family over, as Luther Vandross sang it “A house in not a home, When there's no one there to hold you tight.” (A House Is Not A Home)
An additional application that I must comment for this paper is that some of these stories will be shared directly in my youth group for Chat Night. I group loves short stories and I appriciate the allowing them to share with me the meaning of the seperate stories. The stories are a great ice breaker to open up contemperary issues.
November 15, 2021
This is a very entertaining collection of short stories - fables, written by family therapist that reveal a lot of underlying personal, family, and societal dilemmas in the form of somewhat bizarre tales. Flowers that don't appreciate their own beauty; creatures that can constantly see what is in their own minds; husband that turns into caterpillar; scavenger fish that stops 'taking crap' from other creatures in the tank; how does Cinderella's story sound from the perspective of her stepmother?; A conversation between Freud, Moses and Karl Marx about people stretching their ideologies; - to name a few. As author said in his epilogue to this book: 'The point isn't in the story, it isn't even in the characters. The point is in the interpretation - it is all in the interpretation' and that's what I appreciate the most about these stories - how they make you think and interpret them in 1000 different ways - and how many morals you can get out of each story. Thankful to my boss who recommended this book to me - great read!
March 22, 2024
As typical with most collections of fables, there are some that are quite memorable and understandable, some that are mediocre, and some that just don't land on any stable intellectual or emotional grounding. And that's okay; it's to be expected.
But then the author states the following in the final chapter, when characters in the previous fables are having a very meta discussion about their own feelings about their stories:
"Think He really understands us?"
"Do you?"
"Well, I understand your story. It's mine I can't figure out."
"That's the way we all feel. Everyone understands everyone else's but not their own."
Yes, that is sometimes the case, but this statement really puts the blame solely on the reader for misunderstanding a fable, and dismissing any possibility or criticisms that the author himself is to blame for not writing a fable better.
Worth a read, though. I deeply felt a few of these fables and I predict I'll remember them for a while.
But then the author states the following in the final chapter, when characters in the previous fables are having a very meta discussion about their own feelings about their stories:
"Think He really understands us?"
"Do you?"
"Well, I understand your story. It's mine I can't figure out."
"That's the way we all feel. Everyone understands everyone else's but not their own."
Yes, that is sometimes the case, but this statement really puts the blame solely on the reader for misunderstanding a fable, and dismissing any possibility or criticisms that the author himself is to blame for not writing a fable better.
Worth a read, though. I deeply felt a few of these fables and I predict I'll remember them for a while.
November 8, 2019
These fables (or parables, to use the biblical/Jewish term) brilliantly illustrate principles of Family Systems Theory. Some are a gut-punch, some are a bit more esoteric, others are disturbing, but they are all thought-provoking. Some of my favorites were: The Bridge, The Friendly Forest, The Power of Belief, The Magic Ring, Caught in her Own Web, Narcissus, and Tradition.
I would definitely recommend doing some basic reading in Family Systems Theory before diving into this, as the point Friedman is trying to make will be much more evident. That being said, any reader could recognize the universal aspects of human experience that Friedman is illuminating. I think this book is absolutely perfect for anyone in management or leadership, or especially those who regularly find themselves in teaching roles. I will be returning to it again and again.
I would definitely recommend doing some basic reading in Family Systems Theory before diving into this, as the point Friedman is trying to make will be much more evident. That being said, any reader could recognize the universal aspects of human experience that Friedman is illuminating. I think this book is absolutely perfect for anyone in management or leadership, or especially those who regularly find themselves in teaching roles. I will be returning to it again and again.
January 19, 2021
I wish good reads let us do half stars. It is a 3.5.
My brother bought this for me for Christmas with a note saying it would help me in my writing. I’m not sure that’s what I took away from this book. The fables are fun but nothing eye opening.
The author is right that this is a book of questions but them being questions I have encountered before they don’t have me reflecting very hard. I enjoyed the characters talking to each other in the epilogue.
The Tennis chapter bothered me because it is clear the wife doesn’t like Tennis and we never dive into that and the questions at the end don’t even bring that up as an issue.
The deadman bleed test was quite fun and probably my favorite of the fables.
The author is religious and has some fairly antiquated views of the world.
My brother bought this for me for Christmas with a note saying it would help me in my writing. I’m not sure that’s what I took away from this book. The fables are fun but nothing eye opening.
The author is right that this is a book of questions but them being questions I have encountered before they don’t have me reflecting very hard. I enjoyed the characters talking to each other in the epilogue.
The Tennis chapter bothered me because it is clear the wife doesn’t like Tennis and we never dive into that and the questions at the end don’t even bring that up as an issue.
The deadman bleed test was quite fun and probably my favorite of the fables.
The author is religious and has some fairly antiquated views of the world.
October 4, 2024
This wasn't really my type of book. Authors and philosophers might enjoy it better for the writing skill. Many of the stories or fables were what used to be called shaggy dog stories that just cut off in a weird way. The first story rocked my boat as I know someone in a suicidal way and after reading that story, I was so overcome with emotion, I wasn't sure I wanted to pick up the book again. However, I did. I think I might have been expecting more emotional content but it fell short of my own expectations at that point. I did not enjoy this book, though kept on reading because well, that's just what I do. Perhaps someone else will appreciate it more.
May 8, 2023
After reading Friedman's A Failure of Nerve and Generation to Generation, I had to pick up this one as well. It's an ingenious work and would be great for a small group settling, especially the discussion questions at the end. The discussion questions are the key to the stories, and are the most insightful part of the book. For anyone interested in family therapy this is a valuable resource.
January 31, 2022
A Different and Refreshing Read
This book is in a class of it’s own. It’s imaginative and thought provoking. Each fable has a way of finding an applicable place in the mind and life of the reader. I would certainly recommend this book to counselors, but a believe it has even broader applications.
This book is in a class of it’s own. It’s imaginative and thought provoking. Each fable has a way of finding an applicable place in the mind and life of the reader. I would certainly recommend this book to counselors, but a believe it has even broader applications.
January 16, 2025
Fr. Greg lent us this book. "The Bridge" (letting go of the rope is a choice) and "Soaring" (baby bird leaving the nest) were particularly relevant to us.
The author wrote the fables therapeutically and cleverly.
The author wrote the fables therapeutically and cleverly.
October 16, 2017
Instructive.
February 13, 2018
Inviting and ponderable
September 18, 2018
I enjoy using these stories to stimulate discussion in counseling groups.
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