✰ 2.5 stars ✰
“Someone real,’ he had called me.
‘In a sea of fakes, it was nice to know there was someone here that was real.”
Welcome to another addition of where Amina picks her next book to read based on the cover that appeals to her aesthetic mood, where Wrong Locker was the lucky winner last weekend. I mean, the stylus brush of the artwork just spoke to me, as did the blurb. I just wish the writing could have! 😣
“P.S. If we can’t think of a P.S., then it still counts. I’m sure there will always be something. I don’t know about you, but no matter what I write, I keep wanting to write more, and I hate writing.
But for you, I would write ten pages if I could.”
Is there something about me that makes me end up reading stories about tortured youths? Do I have this bullseye target that draws me to books that have broken and bullied characters? Is it not enough for me to have one warm and loving story where the characters are just happy to be in love? Is that too much to ask?
Y'know, next year, all I'm going to indulge in is happy go-lucky reads and silly frolicking in the bushes for all the wonderful couples who spend lives without pain or prejudice. 😤😤
Ah, who am I kidding? Seeing broken souls rise above their unhappy lives of bullying and damaged hearts is something I thrive on - to have them attain happiness is my happiness, too. 🥺
Since the blurb doesn't allude to any triggering content, please do be mindful of the trigger warnings at the start of the story - bullying, homophobia, domestic abuse, and suicide thoughts, just to name a few. Hence, my above prelude. 😞 The blurb, however, does set up the premise of one trope that I have always faced difficulty with - communicating with the unknown. 💌 Here was a nice retrospective step back where Kinsley, a young boy hoping to find a girlfriend simply to appease his parents' old-fashioned views of dating someone into sports - 'an concerned possible romance - a simple letter that was meant for a girl but slipped into the wrong locker', leaves a letter of admiration in a locker of a girl he's set his eyes on. As their correspondence picks up, so does Kinsley's desire to finally confront the person of the beautiful voice behind the pen - one whose words resonate deeply within his soul - only to find that it wasn't who he thought it was - in the first place. 😥
So, what went wrong here? 😮💨 Ah, well, let me at least share what did appeal to me.
“I felt like I was the holder of a great big secret, the biggest secret, the secret that was mine and mine alone, and as I slipped the letter into the locker, all I could do was laugh and press my hands to my mouth to try and contain my crazy.
It was hard to stop the happiness, despite the fact that this was venturing dangerously into the unknown.”
The concept of having a wrong locker to set off a relationship is much like texting a wrong number and prompting a memorable connection; for that, I do like that it was such an old-take on that. 'I was smitten with the letters - I felt drawn to them on a level I couldn’t even understand.' And the letters were very emotional - there is a lot of pain on both sides of the fence - Kinsley aka Sparrow, and Green have their fair share of heartbreak and hurt that allows them to connect with one another. 'To think such a small act became something that was so monumental to me.' ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Some very meaningful and deep comments that made me believe in the hopeful prospect that their relationship would work out. Kinsley and Green may be complete opposites in personalities and high school stereotypes, but both have good hearts and it shows in their behavior and shines in their words. It's a different feeling to resort to writing - something so much more intimate and personal than texting or emailing. ✍🏻 'As long as he was okay, as long as he was my friend, it was enough. It had to be enough because it was all I was ever going to have. Right?' Even without knowing each other, they came to care for one another with some very tender and understanding interactions that helped them both in times of need - either artworks of comfort or reassuring gestures that alleviated their heartache. 🫂
“I found myself willing to drown if it meant one more letter, one more conversation, one more peek at who Green really was, on the inside.
To be more than letters, more than friends. To be together, but not at the same time. It was more than we had started off with.”
Green, in particular, once the reveal does happen, is shouldering so much; bullied by his father and forced into the notion that he can only ever be attracted to girls is one of the main compelling traits of their relationship. As jarring as it was to see Green's reluctance to admit that he could ever show any attraction to Kinsley, it was painstakingly very convincingly well-portrayed. 'You’re an angel, Green. But I hope you know that no matter how dark the world is, there’s a light waiting to shine down on you.' 😢 It was also the one that severely rattled me; how people are forced and convinced to believe that they can only ever love someone who is of the opposite gender, or in Kinsley's case - he needs to be with someone who's into sports - simply because that's what his parents expect of him.
“It was terrifying to be something different from what was expected of you, terrifying that I could disappoint them more than I already had by being something they didn’t expect or want me to be.”
The parent-child dynamic was also shown in a very alarming light; again, how do I end up in these situations??? 😫 Can't I just have a story with a healthy parent-child relationship? For both Green and Kinsley are suffering their fair share of burdens - victims in their own ways of mental and physical abuse at the hands of their parents. Realistic and tragic, it weighs heavily on the heart to see them carry the weight of neglect and torture that no one should ever have to inflict on their child. I don't want an apology - I want retribution. 'We were told from a young age to aspire to be like our parents, but what was there for me to aspire for?' 💔💔 But, it's also a heavy reflection of nature vs nurture that led to Kinsley and Green's relationship. How Green pushes Kinsley away - simply because he's a boy and can't be attracted to him, he just can't - and Kinsley's own reasoning for attempting to talk to someone this way - was simply to please his parents' desires. It's such an interesting set-up, that it makes you appreciate how it plays out. 😟
So, again, I ask myself, what went wrong here? What was lacking? Oh, words of the heart, please help me be kind here - despite how much I highlighted important texts that were meaningful, something about the writing did not suit my palette. I know it is a debut novel, but the sheer number of times, one or another character snorted in response was a little grating on my soul. 🙍🏻♀️ There was something a bit uneven and uncertain in the writing style that bothered me - I was not vibing with it. And I really need that connection to the writing, in order for me to care about the characters - for me to really care for their emotional angst and trauma. But, I wasn't feeling it, and that really does upset me, because I really think the story could be a much more rewarding one for me, if I just could feel it. 😔
I also didn't like Isabella; it's not that Kinsley's friendship with her seemed to take precedence over his developing relationship with Green, but the constant need to show their classmate's reaction to their physical intimacy or their close bond felt unnecessary. She grated on me with her personality and her presence; she just wasn't a likable fit for me. 😐 Also growing up, I was very physically affectionate with the boys in my class; and, even as a Muslim, no one ever drew much attention or speculation to our friendship, the way the high school students in this story behaved in response to even the smallest of their intimacy or affection. I don't know if it was intentional - to show how people's values and views are so small-minded, but it did detract my overall liking of the story. In fact, if Isabella got much less screen-time in the next book, I would not complain. 😒
“I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to be there until I had it. To realize this just made me cry harder and I felt more scared than I’d ever been before.
Scared to have it, scared to lose it; scared of what it could mean.”
All things considered, this still promises to be an interesting example of a slow-burn and also of an awakening. While it will be hard for Green to shed these ideas that have been so ingrained into him, it will also be interesting to see how his feelings for Kinsley may change - if they do even change. And for that, I am willing to give the second book in the series a shot. 🙏🏻