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In Real Life: Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age
From the host of MTV's #1 show Catfish comes the definitive guide about how to connect with people authentically in today's increasingly digital world.
In Real Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age
As the host of the wildly popular TV series Catfish which investigates online relationships to determine whether they are based on truth or fiction ( it's almost always fiction).
Nev has become the Dr. Drew of online relationships. His clout in this area springs from his own experience with a deceptive online romance, about which he made a critically acclaimed 2010 documentary (also called Catfish). In that film Nev coined the term "catfish" to refer to someone who creates a false online persona to reel someone into a romantic relationship. The meme spread rapidly.
Now Nev brings his expertise to the page, sharing insider secrets
-what motivates catfish
-why people fall for catfish
-how you can avoid being deceived
-rules for dating -- both online and off
-how to connect authentically with others over the internet
-how to turn an online relationship into a real-life relationship
...and much, much more.
Peppered throughout with Nev's personal stories, this book delves deeply into the complexities of online identity. Nev shows us how our digital lives are affecting our real lives, and provides essential advice about how we should all be living and loving in the era of social media.
In Real Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age
As the host of the wildly popular TV series Catfish which investigates online relationships to determine whether they are based on truth or fiction ( it's almost always fiction).
Nev has become the Dr. Drew of online relationships. His clout in this area springs from his own experience with a deceptive online romance, about which he made a critically acclaimed 2010 documentary (also called Catfish). In that film Nev coined the term "catfish" to refer to someone who creates a false online persona to reel someone into a romantic relationship. The meme spread rapidly.
Now Nev brings his expertise to the page, sharing insider secrets
-what motivates catfish
-why people fall for catfish
-how you can avoid being deceived
-rules for dating -- both online and off
-how to connect authentically with others over the internet
-how to turn an online relationship into a real-life relationship
...and much, much more.
Peppered throughout with Nev's personal stories, this book delves deeply into the complexities of online identity. Nev shows us how our digital lives are affecting our real lives, and provides essential advice about how we should all be living and loving in the era of social media.
239 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
46 people are currently reading
1398 people want to read
About the author
Nev Schulman
2 books55 followersIn a world where everyone is constantly connected digitally, social media has made communicating easier but this digital world might also complicate relationships. According to MTV “Millenials” 18-24 years old, 1 in 4 has online dated, 1 in 2 has “a friend” who does it and, in the past three years, traffic to top 10 online dating sites has tripled. Now hear from the star and host of MTV’s hit series CATFISH: THE TV SHOW, Nev Schulman, about his experiences and perspectives on this evolving medium.
Following the success of Rogue Pictures and Relativity Media’s critically acclaimed 2010 documentary-thriller CATFISH, MTV’s new hit series CATFISH: THE TV SHOW tackles the mystery and complexities of dating in a digital world. The series follows host, Nev Schulman, whose own online love drama was the subject of the “Catfish” film, as he takes viewers on a deeply personal journey that goes inside the stories of young people as their online-only romantic relationships collide with first-time, real-life encounters.
In late 2007, filmmakers Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost sensed a story unfolding as they began to film the life of Ariel’s brother, Nev. They had no idea that their project would lead to the most exhilarating and unsettling months of their lives. A reality thriller that is a shocking product of our times, Catfish is a riveting story of love, deception and grace within a labyrinth of online intrigue. The film was produced by academy award nominated filmmaker, Andrew Jarecki and was executive produced by Brett Ratner.
Prior to CATFISH, Schulman was a New York City photographer and filmmaker, and the youngest member of Supermarché. His photography has appeared in magazines and newspapers such as Vogue, The New York Times, Lucky, New York magazine, the New York Sun and Dance Magazine. He now resides in Los Angeles.
Following the success of Rogue Pictures and Relativity Media’s critically acclaimed 2010 documentary-thriller CATFISH, MTV’s new hit series CATFISH: THE TV SHOW tackles the mystery and complexities of dating in a digital world. The series follows host, Nev Schulman, whose own online love drama was the subject of the “Catfish” film, as he takes viewers on a deeply personal journey that goes inside the stories of young people as their online-only romantic relationships collide with first-time, real-life encounters.
In late 2007, filmmakers Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost sensed a story unfolding as they began to film the life of Ariel’s brother, Nev. They had no idea that their project would lead to the most exhilarating and unsettling months of their lives. A reality thriller that is a shocking product of our times, Catfish is a riveting story of love, deception and grace within a labyrinth of online intrigue. The film was produced by academy award nominated filmmaker, Andrew Jarecki and was executive produced by Brett Ratner.
Prior to CATFISH, Schulman was a New York City photographer and filmmaker, and the youngest member of Supermarché. His photography has appeared in magazines and newspapers such as Vogue, The New York Times, Lucky, New York magazine, the New York Sun and Dance Magazine. He now resides in Los Angeles.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
September 29, 2014
Post-read:
Holy crap, is this book ever relevant and super important. Seriously, if you own a smartphone, if you have a Facebook account, you need to read this book. ESPECIALLY if you're young.
Pre-read:
Really excited to read this. I saw the documentary years ago and have watched the TV show religiously. Such a fascinating subject, and Nev is a really, really cool guy. Psyched!
Holy crap, is this book ever relevant and super important. Seriously, if you own a smartphone, if you have a Facebook account, you need to read this book. ESPECIALLY if you're young.
Pre-read:
Really excited to read this. I saw the documentary years ago and have watched the TV show religiously. Such a fascinating subject, and Nev is a really, really cool guy. Psyched!
October 2, 2014
Let me start by saying I didn't finish the book. I stopped reading when I was about 65% through it. I really like Nev and I enjoyed reading more of his history and his particular Catfish story, but the rest of it was like a bad self help book. The book read as if everyone who uses social media is using it to reach out to people they don't actually know and have thousands of friends, which isn't the case. He constantly encourages people to get offline and live a "real" life, which I find insulting. As someone who lives 4,000 miles away from her family, I use Facebook and other social media platforms to keep in touch with those I know and love. I still very much live a "real" life, no matter how much time I'm communicating with these people on Facebook. The book talks about loving yourself and being confident while simultaneously telling everyone what a loser they are if they spend a lot of time online. Not a fan.
September 4, 2014
**I received this book through a First Reads giveaway in exchange for my honest opinion.**
Before reading this book I had never seen the show Catfish or the documentary of the same name or even heard of either to be honest. I entered this giveaway because I thought the book sounded interesting and because I have friends and relatives who have used online dating, which it seemed this book was about. (And ironically, I won another book the same day on this same subject.) However, I don't think you need to be a fan of the show/documentary or even utilize online dating in any capacity to find this book interesting.
This book is not all about online dating/relationships. I have never used any online source for dating, but I still found that section in the beginning to be interesting, maybe because of my friends that have relayed much of the same experiences with me. The author (Nev) does give you detailed information about his past and how he came to host the show "Catfish" which was helpful since I was unfamiliar with his story.
I am not anti-technology, but I am appalled at how so many people today live and experience life THROUGH technology rather than in person. That is the author's main message in this book, which he sees over and over during the filming of his show: LIVE your life.
Experience things.
Don't do things just so you can take a picture and see how many "likes" you get on Facebook.
Don't attend a concert just to stand there watching it through the grainy video you are taking on your phone.
He uses tons of great examples of how life - relationships in particular - have shifted since smart phones came into existence. I agree wholeheartedly with it all. They are things that bother me, that make me feel like momentous events in life are cheapened by a constant phone whipped out so whatever it is can be added to Instagram.
Certain quotes jumped out at me.
"My friend's dad died and I don't know what to say, so I'll just post something on his wall. It's so much easier!"
And it is! It is so much easier. That's why the internet is so successful: It took something difficult - human interaction - and made it easy. It took away the vulnerability.
Could that be more true?
And this:
A recent study at the University o Michigan tracked moment-to-moment happiness levels of college students throughout their days. The result? The more the students were on Facebook, the less happy their days were. The moments when they were using social media were the moments when they had the most dissatisfaction with their own lives.
This is precisely the reason I left Facebook. I liked my life less when I was on Facebook seeing all the "catfish"-like statuses/photos everyone was posting.
The author isn't against technology, he obviously became famous and makes his living because of technology, but he is cautious of the role he allows it to play in his life - something I think almost everyone in our society needs to do. According to a fact in this book, the average person spends 3 hours a day on social media (which includes Facebook, Twitter, instagram, Snapchat, Buzzfeed, blogs, text messaging, etc).
THREE hours.
What else could we be doing with our lives? What could we be actually experiencing instead of just watching happen?
So while a lot of this information in the book is rather obvious, obviously a lot of people don't think about it. Or just don't care. Or maybe both.
But I for one appreciate a person who puts her phone away when we meet up for dinner.
I want to live a life where I enjoy beautiful scenery instead of worrying about which filter makes it look "prettier" on instagram.
The points made by the author in the book might not be mindblowingly original, but they are all grounded in common sense and for a lot of 20-somethings, they need to be repeated. And since he has personal experience to back up many of his ideas, the book is an interesting read.
Before reading this book I had never seen the show Catfish or the documentary of the same name or even heard of either to be honest. I entered this giveaway because I thought the book sounded interesting and because I have friends and relatives who have used online dating, which it seemed this book was about. (And ironically, I won another book the same day on this same subject.) However, I don't think you need to be a fan of the show/documentary or even utilize online dating in any capacity to find this book interesting.
This book is not all about online dating/relationships. I have never used any online source for dating, but I still found that section in the beginning to be interesting, maybe because of my friends that have relayed much of the same experiences with me. The author (Nev) does give you detailed information about his past and how he came to host the show "Catfish" which was helpful since I was unfamiliar with his story.
I am not anti-technology, but I am appalled at how so many people today live and experience life THROUGH technology rather than in person. That is the author's main message in this book, which he sees over and over during the filming of his show: LIVE your life.
Experience things.
Don't do things just so you can take a picture and see how many "likes" you get on Facebook.
Don't attend a concert just to stand there watching it through the grainy video you are taking on your phone.
He uses tons of great examples of how life - relationships in particular - have shifted since smart phones came into existence. I agree wholeheartedly with it all. They are things that bother me, that make me feel like momentous events in life are cheapened by a constant phone whipped out so whatever it is can be added to Instagram.
Certain quotes jumped out at me.
"My friend's dad died and I don't know what to say, so I'll just post something on his wall. It's so much easier!"
And it is! It is so much easier. That's why the internet is so successful: It took something difficult - human interaction - and made it easy. It took away the vulnerability.
Could that be more true?
And this:
A recent study at the University o Michigan tracked moment-to-moment happiness levels of college students throughout their days. The result? The more the students were on Facebook, the less happy their days were. The moments when they were using social media were the moments when they had the most dissatisfaction with their own lives.
This is precisely the reason I left Facebook. I liked my life less when I was on Facebook seeing all the "catfish"-like statuses/photos everyone was posting.
The author isn't against technology, he obviously became famous and makes his living because of technology, but he is cautious of the role he allows it to play in his life - something I think almost everyone in our society needs to do. According to a fact in this book, the average person spends 3 hours a day on social media (which includes Facebook, Twitter, instagram, Snapchat, Buzzfeed, blogs, text messaging, etc).
THREE hours.
What else could we be doing with our lives? What could we be actually experiencing instead of just watching happen?
So while a lot of this information in the book is rather obvious, obviously a lot of people don't think about it. Or just don't care. Or maybe both.
But I for one appreciate a person who puts her phone away when we meet up for dinner.
I want to live a life where I enjoy beautiful scenery instead of worrying about which filter makes it look "prettier" on instagram.
The points made by the author in the book might not be mindblowingly original, but they are all grounded in common sense and for a lot of 20-somethings, they need to be repeated. And since he has personal experience to back up many of his ideas, the book is an interesting read.
October 5, 2014
Oh dear. Real life according to Nev. I give him points for being authentic in his book, but he doesn't come off as the caring, patient nice guy that he portrays in the tv series Catfish!
Nev discusses his turbulent lifestyle before Catfish, how it changed his life and challenged his beliefs, and where he hopes to go from here.
Nev also believes that being duped by an overweight woman with mental health issues out in the midwest provides him with a degree in psychology and a right to lecture people on how they should disconnect from the internet, but in the same breath will tell you how to go about investigating people on the internet and how the web is such a wonderful tool that people should use in their lives continuously.
Considering the internet is the platform in which Nev the Catfish man came to life, he'd be better off not biting the hand that feeds him in my opinion. I also have qualms about the pseudo-advice that he provides in his book regarding internet etiquette and investigation of identities. Considering his audience is quite a young one, it might be best not to tell people to "ask for addressees, get contacts from their family and friends, find out where they work, etc etc" or else otherwise assume you're being catfished.
There needs to be a bit more of a balance between what is expected from communication with people on the internet, age, and what is appropriate to a particular relationship that has been facilitated from the internet. I have concerns regarding his approach, and advocate for keeping details private as much as you can on the internet and divulge only when it feels necessary.
Nev provides lots of information about his douchey behaviour, which I find a puzzling pr move for someone who tends to be the "non judgmental voice of reason" on his tv show.
If you are over the age of 15, expect a lot of eye rolling and "really, Nev?" when reading this. I assume that the target audience will appreciate his approach mores than perhaps I did.
Nev discusses his turbulent lifestyle before Catfish, how it changed his life and challenged his beliefs, and where he hopes to go from here.
Nev also believes that being duped by an overweight woman with mental health issues out in the midwest provides him with a degree in psychology and a right to lecture people on how they should disconnect from the internet, but in the same breath will tell you how to go about investigating people on the internet and how the web is such a wonderful tool that people should use in their lives continuously.
Considering the internet is the platform in which Nev the Catfish man came to life, he'd be better off not biting the hand that feeds him in my opinion. I also have qualms about the pseudo-advice that he provides in his book regarding internet etiquette and investigation of identities. Considering his audience is quite a young one, it might be best not to tell people to "ask for addressees, get contacts from their family and friends, find out where they work, etc etc" or else otherwise assume you're being catfished.
There needs to be a bit more of a balance between what is expected from communication with people on the internet, age, and what is appropriate to a particular relationship that has been facilitated from the internet. I have concerns regarding his approach, and advocate for keeping details private as much as you can on the internet and divulge only when it feels necessary.
Nev provides lots of information about his douchey behaviour, which I find a puzzling pr move for someone who tends to be the "non judgmental voice of reason" on his tv show.
If you are over the age of 15, expect a lot of eye rolling and "really, Nev?" when reading this. I assume that the target audience will appreciate his approach mores than perhaps I did.
November 2, 2015
I want to start off by saying how incredibly proud I am of Nev. Being a huge fan of Catfish: The TV Show, hearing all of his advice and his story was just so interesting to me!
I'm not going to say this book changed my life, as I only just finished it and that would be a tad bit of an over-exaggeration, but I can defiantly say his advice and writing will help me in the future! Being myself, I am very attached to the internet, I can't post a picture on instagram without wondering how many "likes" i will get, and I certainly know I am not the only one who worries over the silliest things like this.
This book is so relevant to todays generation. Technology and the access to the internet has changed the way we think, not necessarily in a bad way! Nev did such a great job going into detail about catfish, his past, and how we can overcome letting the internet rule our lives. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone who feels as if social media or the internet plays a huge part in their lives.
“Social media has put an incredible pressure on the Facebook generation. We’ve made our lives so public to one another, and as a result we feel pressure to live up to a certain ideal version of ourselves. On social media, everyone is happy, and popular, and successful—or, at least, we think we need to look like we are. No matter how well off we are, how thin or pretty, we have our issues and insecurities. But none of that shows up online. We don’t like to reveal our weaknesses on social media. We don’t want to appear unhappy, or be a drag. Instead, we all post rose-colored versions of ourselves. We pretend we have more money than we do. We pretend we are popular. We pretend our lives are great. Your status update says I went to a totally awesome party last night! It won’t mention that you drank too much and puked and humiliated yourself in front of a girl you like. It says My sorority sisters are the best! It doesn’t say I feel lonely and don’t think they accept me. I’m not saying everyone should post about having a bad time. But pretending everything is perfect when it’s not doesn’t help anyone. The danger of these kinds of little white lies is that, in projecting the happiness and accomplishments we long for, we’re setting impossible standards for ourselves and others to live up to.”
I'm not going to say this book changed my life, as I only just finished it and that would be a tad bit of an over-exaggeration, but I can defiantly say his advice and writing will help me in the future! Being myself, I am very attached to the internet, I can't post a picture on instagram without wondering how many "likes" i will get, and I certainly know I am not the only one who worries over the silliest things like this.
This book is so relevant to todays generation. Technology and the access to the internet has changed the way we think, not necessarily in a bad way! Nev did such a great job going into detail about catfish, his past, and how we can overcome letting the internet rule our lives. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone who feels as if social media or the internet plays a huge part in their lives.
“Social media has put an incredible pressure on the Facebook generation. We’ve made our lives so public to one another, and as a result we feel pressure to live up to a certain ideal version of ourselves. On social media, everyone is happy, and popular, and successful—or, at least, we think we need to look like we are. No matter how well off we are, how thin or pretty, we have our issues and insecurities. But none of that shows up online. We don’t like to reveal our weaknesses on social media. We don’t want to appear unhappy, or be a drag. Instead, we all post rose-colored versions of ourselves. We pretend we have more money than we do. We pretend we are popular. We pretend our lives are great. Your status update says I went to a totally awesome party last night! It won’t mention that you drank too much and puked and humiliated yourself in front of a girl you like. It says My sorority sisters are the best! It doesn’t say I feel lonely and don’t think they accept me. I’m not saying everyone should post about having a bad time. But pretending everything is perfect when it’s not doesn’t help anyone. The danger of these kinds of little white lies is that, in projecting the happiness and accomplishments we long for, we’re setting impossible standards for ourselves and others to live up to.”
Read
October 6, 2017this was trash
June 3, 2015
There were a few reasons I wanted to read this book. I recently finished a degree in anthropology, in which I focused on digital anthropology; how people communicate with one another and build social networks online. I'm fascinated by online romances and fandoms. I've spent months in chatrooms with YouTube fan clubs, and many more emailing and skyping with people who live hundreds, if not thousands of miles away from me. Identity in the Digital Age? That is my jam.
I've also been watching Nev since the original documentary was released. I love the show (although I prefer the much more genuine first season to the over-produced current seasons) and I was interested in reading more about Nev.
I don't know if IRL just disappointed me, or if I got so bogged down by the la-la self-help feel and constant name dropping that it made me feel a bit negative about this book. I'd say it's a solid 2.5 stars, but after the first, second and third warnings about making sure you are "living IRL over all else", it got a bit tired. I'm all for people turning their cellphones off and having a real interaction; in fact, I would say most people over the age of 20 feel this way... But it doesn't need to feature on every fifth page.
I've also been watching Nev since the original documentary was released. I love the show (although I prefer the much more genuine first season to the over-produced current seasons) and I was interested in reading more about Nev.
I don't know if IRL just disappointed me, or if I got so bogged down by the la-la self-help feel and constant name dropping that it made me feel a bit negative about this book. I'd say it's a solid 2.5 stars, but after the first, second and third warnings about making sure you are "living IRL over all else", it got a bit tired. I'm all for people turning their cellphones off and having a real interaction; in fact, I would say most people over the age of 20 feel this way... But it doesn't need to feature on every fifth page.
March 6, 2015
This seemed to be aimed for at the younger crowd with instructions on how to use social media in a smart way. He did talk a bit about his documentary, Catfish, which I loved. He had some insightful words though, about how people are completely obsessed with social media. It makes you think. I spend a LOT of time online, mostly on my knitting website, Ravelry. But also FB and IG too.
The more time spent online on "social" media interacting with "friends" and strangers, the less time spent interacting IN REAL LIFE with your loved ones. I think we all could use the advice he gives in this book. He suggests putting the phone down for at least one day a week. I think I need to try that.
The more time spent online on "social" media interacting with "friends" and strangers, the less time spent interacting IN REAL LIFE with your loved ones. I think we all could use the advice he gives in this book. He suggests putting the phone down for at least one day a week. I think I need to try that.
February 15, 2016
Actual rating: 2.5/5 stars
I really like Nev Schulman and his work. I really enjoyed the documentary he made with his brother and his brother's best friend, Catfish, and I continue to enjoy Catfish: The TV Show with Nev and Max. So since this was released I've been interested in picking it up and hearing Nev's personal opinions on social media and how people live online. It turns out I didn't agree with much of what he said, though it was very interesting to see his perspective since he's perceived as something of royalty as far as the use of social media is concerned.
Nev comes across as very anti-social media, which I get considering the experiences he's had and the fact that his job consists of finding people who use social media to lie to other people, but he's very, very insistent that social media is bad for everyone. I totally disagree. Over and over again I read about how all interactions on social media are shallow, and that if you've never met a person in real life then that connection you think you have? Not real. That person you're close to? The relationship is a farce. Like I said, I wholeheartedly disagree. Since my later teenage years, I've been online. I've had 'real life' friends and 'internet friends'. Some of them I never met, but did I still consider them friends? Of course. I had very real conversations with them, and I still speak to them now, years later, even though we've moved on with our lives and we're not as close anymore. I, like the majority of people who use social media, had a happy balance of time I was online, and time I was offline. I travelled around the UK meeting up with friends I'd met online, mainly through fandoms, and making some incredible memories. I met so many new people through these 'internet friends'. The friendships I had were valuable to me, and they were very much real. But does that mean that the 'internet friends' I couldn't meet in real life meant any less to me? Not at all. Did those people take away time I was spending with my 'IRL' friends? Not in the slightest. Most people find a happy medium. Most people don't obsessive over how many friends or followers they have. This is a book for the minority, the ones that are obsessed. The ones who waste away in front of a screen. I also have to add that Nev says that you can't accomplish anything online, I also have to disagree with that. Just because you're accomplishments were achieved through use of social media doesn't make them any less of an accomplishment.
He also said a couple of things about weight that I thought were slightly problematic, so I'm just going to put them here. He said a few times that if you aren't happy with your weight, instead of turning to social media in an attempt to feel accepted, change your lifestyle, lose the weight, then you'll be happy. I don't think it's that simple, and I also don't think Nev meant it in the way I initially perceived it, but I think it's worth mentioning that the journey to loving and accepting yourself is very hard, and losing weight doesn't help, there's always something to pick at, and while I think Nev has a point, it does need to be expanded on. I also think having people on social media that can cheer you on and help you through it can be very helpful.
With all of that said, there were parts of this book that I really liked. Nev makes a lot of good points about the journey to happiness and self-acceptance. It's hard, and he found that through changing the things he didn't like he found confidence. Which is great, I did that too, partially, but there's often a lot of things you can't change, and accepting those is the greatest challenge. I loved that he gave us some background on himself. I had no idea how much of a dick Nev used to be, how much he's changed for the better, and I respect him for it. Seeing his personal journey made more of an impact for me than his opinions on the evils of social media. There are little bits of self-help dotted throughout that weren't preachy - a little bit cheesy but not too over the top - and I think that this book would be a good read for kids and young teens that are just starting out online. But for someone who's been online for as long as he has, this just wasn't for me. I've already figured out how best to use social media for me, personally, I know what works and what doesn't, and I associate with people who are like-minded.
Overall, this was an interesting and articulate piece by Nev Schulman, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.
I really like Nev Schulman and his work. I really enjoyed the documentary he made with his brother and his brother's best friend, Catfish, and I continue to enjoy Catfish: The TV Show with Nev and Max. So since this was released I've been interested in picking it up and hearing Nev's personal opinions on social media and how people live online. It turns out I didn't agree with much of what he said, though it was very interesting to see his perspective since he's perceived as something of royalty as far as the use of social media is concerned.
Nev comes across as very anti-social media, which I get considering the experiences he's had and the fact that his job consists of finding people who use social media to lie to other people, but he's very, very insistent that social media is bad for everyone. I totally disagree. Over and over again I read about how all interactions on social media are shallow, and that if you've never met a person in real life then that connection you think you have? Not real. That person you're close to? The relationship is a farce. Like I said, I wholeheartedly disagree. Since my later teenage years, I've been online. I've had 'real life' friends and 'internet friends'. Some of them I never met, but did I still consider them friends? Of course. I had very real conversations with them, and I still speak to them now, years later, even though we've moved on with our lives and we're not as close anymore. I, like the majority of people who use social media, had a happy balance of time I was online, and time I was offline. I travelled around the UK meeting up with friends I'd met online, mainly through fandoms, and making some incredible memories. I met so many new people through these 'internet friends'. The friendships I had were valuable to me, and they were very much real. But does that mean that the 'internet friends' I couldn't meet in real life meant any less to me? Not at all. Did those people take away time I was spending with my 'IRL' friends? Not in the slightest. Most people find a happy medium. Most people don't obsessive over how many friends or followers they have. This is a book for the minority, the ones that are obsessed. The ones who waste away in front of a screen. I also have to add that Nev says that you can't accomplish anything online, I also have to disagree with that. Just because you're accomplishments were achieved through use of social media doesn't make them any less of an accomplishment.
He also said a couple of things about weight that I thought were slightly problematic, so I'm just going to put them here. He said a few times that if you aren't happy with your weight, instead of turning to social media in an attempt to feel accepted, change your lifestyle, lose the weight, then you'll be happy. I don't think it's that simple, and I also don't think Nev meant it in the way I initially perceived it, but I think it's worth mentioning that the journey to loving and accepting yourself is very hard, and losing weight doesn't help, there's always something to pick at, and while I think Nev has a point, it does need to be expanded on. I also think having people on social media that can cheer you on and help you through it can be very helpful.
With all of that said, there were parts of this book that I really liked. Nev makes a lot of good points about the journey to happiness and self-acceptance. It's hard, and he found that through changing the things he didn't like he found confidence. Which is great, I did that too, partially, but there's often a lot of things you can't change, and accepting those is the greatest challenge. I loved that he gave us some background on himself. I had no idea how much of a dick Nev used to be, how much he's changed for the better, and I respect him for it. Seeing his personal journey made more of an impact for me than his opinions on the evils of social media. There are little bits of self-help dotted throughout that weren't preachy - a little bit cheesy but not too over the top - and I think that this book would be a good read for kids and young teens that are just starting out online. But for someone who's been online for as long as he has, this just wasn't for me. I've already figured out how best to use social media for me, personally, I know what works and what doesn't, and I associate with people who are like-minded.
Overall, this was an interesting and articulate piece by Nev Schulman, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.
September 12, 2014
Nev connected with a dream woman in Michigan while his brother documented it. The film went to the Sundance Film Festival and was a huge hit. The dream woman turned out to be, what is now known as, a catfish. Not what she claimed to be. Nev tells this part of his story in three parts. Frankly, it is very fascinating and he expounds on it with the lessons he's learned on his own MTV show, Catfish, where Internet love affairs are brought in real life and the invisible wall is removed to reveal... Not who they thought.
Additionally, the author provides bibliographies regarding early studies on social media and the a person's psyche and thought process. The photos rarely tell people the truth. Multiple snapshots are taken and the subject chooses only the most flattering. A fact that made me laugh when I read it. Weeks ago my family drove Mirror Lake Pass. We stopped at the top of Bald Mountain, nearly 11,000 breathtaking (literally, and not necessarily in a good way) feet above sea level. I stood on the precipice with my 9 year old son standing in front of me while my teenage daughter took a picture. When I looked at the picture, I burst out laughing and made her take another. The original was taken with me facing straight on and my son's head right between my ladies. He looked like he had three heads. No, that picture was not posted.
Yet others go a little further by photoshopping. Maybe only posting great things on FB. In fact, yesterday I heard on a talk show of a woman who told everybody she was going to Eastern Asia and disappeared for a few months. She Skyped, posted pictures, etc. the real truth was that she was holed up in a secluded house which she staged with different backgrounds for the stunt. Her point was how misleading social media is. Extreme case yet I'm guilty of retaking the big boob picture.
The author cites a study stating that the more people are on Facebook, the unhappier they are. Of course. Why would anybody want to compare themselves to me, walking in the Susan Komen with my mom and daughter and looking trim and young. Because it's an old picture, of course. We try to create a persona of who we want others to see. Meanwhile, others take it to the extreme.
The gist of the book is to turn off the social media. Stop connecting with strangers on the internet and call your mom or dad on the phone. Drive over and see them. Meet your best friend for lunch. On a dating site? There is a list of red flags and a list of strong suggestions to bring the relationship into real life quickly to either really connect or stop wasting time.
Worthwhile read. The author is still young and, at times, his lack of experience is apparent. On the other hand, his experience with catfish puts him far ahead of the game of social media. Worthwhile read.
Additionally, the author provides bibliographies regarding early studies on social media and the a person's psyche and thought process. The photos rarely tell people the truth. Multiple snapshots are taken and the subject chooses only the most flattering. A fact that made me laugh when I read it. Weeks ago my family drove Mirror Lake Pass. We stopped at the top of Bald Mountain, nearly 11,000 breathtaking (literally, and not necessarily in a good way) feet above sea level. I stood on the precipice with my 9 year old son standing in front of me while my teenage daughter took a picture. When I looked at the picture, I burst out laughing and made her take another. The original was taken with me facing straight on and my son's head right between my ladies. He looked like he had three heads. No, that picture was not posted.
Yet others go a little further by photoshopping. Maybe only posting great things on FB. In fact, yesterday I heard on a talk show of a woman who told everybody she was going to Eastern Asia and disappeared for a few months. She Skyped, posted pictures, etc. the real truth was that she was holed up in a secluded house which she staged with different backgrounds for the stunt. Her point was how misleading social media is. Extreme case yet I'm guilty of retaking the big boob picture.
The author cites a study stating that the more people are on Facebook, the unhappier they are. Of course. Why would anybody want to compare themselves to me, walking in the Susan Komen with my mom and daughter and looking trim and young. Because it's an old picture, of course. We try to create a persona of who we want others to see. Meanwhile, others take it to the extreme.
The gist of the book is to turn off the social media. Stop connecting with strangers on the internet and call your mom or dad on the phone. Drive over and see them. Meet your best friend for lunch. On a dating site? There is a list of red flags and a list of strong suggestions to bring the relationship into real life quickly to either really connect or stop wasting time.
Worthwhile read. The author is still young and, at times, his lack of experience is apparent. On the other hand, his experience with catfish puts him far ahead of the game of social media. Worthwhile read.
May 22, 2015
I LOVE Catfish: The TV Show. It's so much fun to see Nev and Max uncover catfish time after time after time. They make such a great pair and I watch it as much for them as I do for the actual catfish stories. So I was dead excited when Nev's book was announced. I've had it since it was published, but have actually only just got around to reading it. It's the perfect companion to Catfish, and I never knew Nev had had such an interesting life.
In Real Life was such a good read. Nev makes tons of great points (of which I'll get more into later) but he also peppers the book with his own personal history and it doesn't make for great reading because he wasn't always the absolutely gorgeous, lovely Nev we all know and love. Sometimes he was a bit of a jerk and a bit of a playboy and when he was even younger he was a rascal, and it was strange to read about this side of Nev because it was like he was a totally different person. I mean, I don't know Nev (duh) but the feeling you get when you watch him on Catfish is entirely different and you can really see how much he's worked to change his life, to be a better person and I applaud him for that. There's no secrets in In Real Life, he lays his life out bare and I feel like I know him better knowing the man he used to be and seeing how far he's come.
The book is also, of course, about catfish. We learn more of Nev's personal catfishing story that started the whole mission off (and which I'm dying to see), we learn Nev's tips and tricks for what to do if you want to have an online relationship and figure out if it's real, and he's very wise about how our generation (the millenials) are glued to social media. It's actually really opened my eyes, because what he says is right: your online self can be any self you want to be. It isn't the real you. And we need to stop hiding behind our online personas, otherwise all these twenty-somethings glued to their iPhones are going to wake up in a year or two and be super lonely, with no friends. It's so true. I love my iPhone, but I'm weaning myself off social media because it doesn't make me feel better; if anything it makes me feel worse. It's like 100% of the time I'm just talking to myself. And I have that in real life, with no one to talk to, so I hardly need that online, too!
Nev is such an amazing writer, and this is a spot-on read for our age, in which social media is king but it's all just a popularity contest. This is a must-read for anyone who loves Catfish or who thinks being a King on social media is any kind of achievement (it isn't).
In Real Life was such a good read. Nev makes tons of great points (of which I'll get more into later) but he also peppers the book with his own personal history and it doesn't make for great reading because he wasn't always the absolutely gorgeous, lovely Nev we all know and love. Sometimes he was a bit of a jerk and a bit of a playboy and when he was even younger he was a rascal, and it was strange to read about this side of Nev because it was like he was a totally different person. I mean, I don't know Nev (duh) but the feeling you get when you watch him on Catfish is entirely different and you can really see how much he's worked to change his life, to be a better person and I applaud him for that. There's no secrets in In Real Life, he lays his life out bare and I feel like I know him better knowing the man he used to be and seeing how far he's come.
The book is also, of course, about catfish. We learn more of Nev's personal catfishing story that started the whole mission off (and which I'm dying to see), we learn Nev's tips and tricks for what to do if you want to have an online relationship and figure out if it's real, and he's very wise about how our generation (the millenials) are glued to social media. It's actually really opened my eyes, because what he says is right: your online self can be any self you want to be. It isn't the real you. And we need to stop hiding behind our online personas, otherwise all these twenty-somethings glued to their iPhones are going to wake up in a year or two and be super lonely, with no friends. It's so true. I love my iPhone, but I'm weaning myself off social media because it doesn't make me feel better; if anything it makes me feel worse. It's like 100% of the time I'm just talking to myself. And I have that in real life, with no one to talk to, so I hardly need that online, too!
Nev is such an amazing writer, and this is a spot-on read for our age, in which social media is king but it's all just a popularity contest. This is a must-read for anyone who loves Catfish or who thinks being a King on social media is any kind of achievement (it isn't).
August 16, 2014
This book, without a doubt, is a must read for everyone in the Millennial generation and onward. In both sharing his experience as a victim and revealer of catfish, while also inserting advice and tips, the reader truly is immersed in what Nev is striving to tell the audience: Change. In analyzing his rhetoric, Nev wonderfully weaves together pathos, logos, and ethos in order to get the message across to his read, each sentence impacted upon the reader's subconscious( this is one of the few books in which almost every page I highlighted, and marked up as reference in the near future). While my copy was for marketing and promotion( the book comes out September 2nd, 2014 so I insist on making it a purchase), it truly was a chance for fans of Catfish, both movie and TV show, to have an understanding behind Nev's intentions behind these works, but also for the average teenager lost in all those screens, confused about how they're to deal with living alongside their Internet selves.
October 6, 2014
I am... really not sure why I read this. Okay, I know what I was hoping for -- I was hoping for something thoughtful, maybe some hard data, maybe some anecdotes. I've never heard of this guy or his movie or his TV show and basically it seemed like a lot of it was about how he was lied to in an online relationship by someone who had made up entirely new personas and now he has a reality show where he exposes people who do this and he sounds like kind of a complete jerk and I really don't care how he's transformed himself and doesn't sleazily hit on women now and how he's sorry that he punched his best friend in the face and fractured his skull and therefore we all need to get out and have real lives and date people not on the internet.
Sheesh. I just wanted a book about identity in the digital age.
(Disclaimer: I met my SO on the internet in 2002. Neither of us are liars. It's worked pretty well for us so far.)
Sheesh. I just wanted a book about identity in the digital age.
(Disclaimer: I met my SO on the internet in 2002. Neither of us are liars. It's worked pretty well for us so far.)
July 21, 2014
Though I am a fan of the MTV show and the original Sundance Film Festival movie, this book was lackluster for me. The additional bits and pieces about Nev's catfish experience were intriguing, however the intermittent advice Nev provides are seemingly cliche and condescending at times. Though this could have just been my personal interpretation of his writing style, his descriptions of specific people (his current girlfriend included), seemed to undermine his own character (and his statements that he has grown as a person in the last years). Overall, I'm glad I read this book and learned some of the facts about the social media epidemic that is taking over today's youth and it's honorable that Nev shared his story and what he's learned from it, but this book made me lose a little respect for his show.
October 16, 2014
If you are 18 and can't get of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etcetera and can't work out that it's impolite to play with your phone whilst in company then you should probably read this book. If however you're an adult that doesn't fancy being lectured by a young guy that admits he's only just learning these things then don't bother! I was interested in his catfish story as I don't watch his show and have never seen his movie. I get the impression that he wouldn't be able to comprehend this as he seems to think everyone is living their live online and no longer participating in society.
September 28, 2014
I won the book in a first reads giveaway. I was hoping this book would be something else. I was looking for more stories about people who created fake personas or were tricked by them. I guess I need to watch Schulman's show for that. This book was too much pop psychology about the dangers of social media and obvious advice about how to present yourself online. I didn't find his advice compelling or his alarmist attitude about social media useful or realistic.
March 10, 2015
I liked knowing more about the Catfish TV show, but I couldn't finish it because Nev devolves into this preachy, self-righteous twat. What is he, like 30? He seems to know the answers to all of life's questions and apparently he doesn't like his TV show too much, because he thinks social media is "useless." Is the hand that feeds you tasty?
July 10, 2019
If you’ve ever watched MTV’s Catfish then you’ve already heard of Schulman. He’s the guy who presents the show, and in fact he earlier presented a documentary of the same name about his own experience as a victim of catfishing. Oh, and catfishing, for those of you who aren’t in the know, is when people pretend to be someone they’re not on a social networking site.
What was quite cool about this is that you get to know Schulman some more as a person, and it turns out that he wasn’t always the greatest of guys. In fact, it almost feels as though he wrote this book to come to terms with the person he was as a youth, when he got into fights, sold weed and magic mushrooms and was a bit of a womaniser.
But at the same time as telling his own story, Schulman also shares practical advice that’s designed to help other people to stay safe on social networking sites, and that makes it a little similar to one of my own books, Social Paranoia. He did it well though, and even though the book is a couple of years old by now, I think it’s held up well to the passage of time. I’d recommend it to fans of the show, but probably not to general readers. Yeah.
What was quite cool about this is that you get to know Schulman some more as a person, and it turns out that he wasn’t always the greatest of guys. In fact, it almost feels as though he wrote this book to come to terms with the person he was as a youth, when he got into fights, sold weed and magic mushrooms and was a bit of a womaniser.
But at the same time as telling his own story, Schulman also shares practical advice that’s designed to help other people to stay safe on social networking sites, and that makes it a little similar to one of my own books, Social Paranoia. He did it well though, and even though the book is a couple of years old by now, I think it’s held up well to the passage of time. I’d recommend it to fans of the show, but probably not to general readers. Yeah.
April 15, 2019
"I'd like to pause right here for a mild attack on Facebook Inc. for hijacking the word friend.
It used to mean something if someone was your friend. You didn't get friend requests. Someone didn't ask to be your friend. They just became your friend because you spent time with them and showed them that you cared. They were your friend because they were present in your life, active in your happiness, and supportive in your ambitions. They were accountable to you."
It used to mean something if someone was your friend. You didn't get friend requests. Someone didn't ask to be your friend. They just became your friend because you spent time with them and showed them that you cared. They were your friend because they were present in your life, active in your happiness, and supportive in your ambitions. They were accountable to you."
November 13, 2017
As far as dating books goes, this isn't too bad. I like his spin on it and wished I would have read this earlier. All of these types of books are the same, as they have been forever, love your life and love will follow. Sometimes that is easier said than done. This one was at least fun, if not a little dated, and not preachy at all.
August 27, 2019
I enjoyed this book and it had some good insight into our technological world. I agree, it was a bit repetitive at points, but I enjoyed it.
July 3, 2015
This book surprised me. I went in expecting more of a behind the scenes view of the show "Catfish" maybe a few gossipy stories going into more detail on things they couldn't or didn't feature on the various episodes. Instead, this is a gentle self-help style book about dealing with personal identity and self esteem issues in the age of social media. Schulman does delves into personal safety and security online, by way of keeping yourself safe from being catfished as well as protecting your privacy but somewhat unexpectedly he offers up practical and very heartfelt advice on how not to *become* a catfish yourself, either deliberately or not, as well as maintaining a healthy balance of life in the real world as well as online.
This book is not a condemnation of those rotten catfish people but instead an explanation as to how they come to be and the very human cost behind the catfish. While the author does cover the different reasons people catfish online, he steps away from the more dramatic, showy disapproval of scammers cruelly fooling people online. Instead, he takes a more practical and compassionate approach, showing the way little white lies and misrepresentations that seem to go hand in glove with social media. This book very easily could have just focused on putting the catfish in their place or perhaps even been about how to keep yourself safe from those dastardly phonies online, which is more or less what I expected. But instead, it's really a book about how the internet has changed social interactions, and while there is a great deal of good that comes from being so connected with the world, there is also a negative side which tends to not be seriously addressed.
There's this expression, we struggle with insecurity because we are comparing our behind the scenes footage with someone else's high light reel. This book acknowledging this with compassion and intelligence, and also how gives advice on how to maintain a balance between online and real life, on how to gently extract yourself from the online world and get back to living in the real world.
Not surprisingly, the advice from guy who's bread and butter comes from dealing with scammers online can be summed up succinctly with "Get off the internet. Go outside and live your life". But somehow, the author manages to not come across as a crotchety anti-tech fogey telling these whippersnappers to get of his lawn with their Instafaces and Snapbooks. Social media *has* changed things dramatically, and it seems that as a whole we who use these platforms to connect to other people sometimes struggle with what it all means and the longer lasting and potentially devastating effects of a life lived online in a careless fashion.
But this book isn't just a finger waving, cautionary tale about watching what you say or do online. Schulman does drive home the point that whatever you share online is essentially there forever, and that you're a fool if you think you have ~control~ over images or posts, and he does firmly advocate for a more offline existence. However, he doesn't preach or talk down to his audience. The problem so often with books of this nature, books about the internet, end up sounding laughably dated almost as soon as they hit print. And I don't know, maybe that will be the case with this one as well once time passes.
However, this book isn't without its flaws. In Real Life reads "young" somehow, I had the feeling this was written for a target audience of young adults (say, 25 and under) if not the YA crowd of high school or even junior high. Also some of the affirmations get a little too doe eyed with their earnestness. There are parts where the book does feel a bit preachy, and more than a little cheesy, dipping whole feet into the Stuart Smalley category of self affirmation parody. And that cheese factor has the potential to drive off the under 21 set. Nothing sets a teenager off quicker than condescending to one, or treating them like they're just a stupid little kid. While this book has a lot to offer for the under 21 set, I worry that the overall tone would prevent that message from being effectively delivered.
But all the same, Schulman's message of learning how to keep yourself safe not just physically but emotionally and psychologically in a world that sometimes feels like it's lived for the 'likes'...that's an important one. What I enjoyed most about this book was the fact it comes clear across the page that Schulman honestly does cares about these issues and the people who are hurting because of them. Sure, there are people who are less than honest online because they're quite frankly horrible and stupid, but for the most part there's a lot of pain. The compassion the author shows for those in pain comes across as very genuine, and I appreciate that.
This book is not a condemnation of those rotten catfish people but instead an explanation as to how they come to be and the very human cost behind the catfish. While the author does cover the different reasons people catfish online, he steps away from the more dramatic, showy disapproval of scammers cruelly fooling people online. Instead, he takes a more practical and compassionate approach, showing the way little white lies and misrepresentations that seem to go hand in glove with social media. This book very easily could have just focused on putting the catfish in their place or perhaps even been about how to keep yourself safe from those dastardly phonies online, which is more or less what I expected. But instead, it's really a book about how the internet has changed social interactions, and while there is a great deal of good that comes from being so connected with the world, there is also a negative side which tends to not be seriously addressed.
There's this expression, we struggle with insecurity because we are comparing our behind the scenes footage with someone else's high light reel. This book acknowledging this with compassion and intelligence, and also how gives advice on how to maintain a balance between online and real life, on how to gently extract yourself from the online world and get back to living in the real world.
Not surprisingly, the advice from guy who's bread and butter comes from dealing with scammers online can be summed up succinctly with "Get off the internet. Go outside and live your life". But somehow, the author manages to not come across as a crotchety anti-tech fogey telling these whippersnappers to get of his lawn with their Instafaces and Snapbooks. Social media *has* changed things dramatically, and it seems that as a whole we who use these platforms to connect to other people sometimes struggle with what it all means and the longer lasting and potentially devastating effects of a life lived online in a careless fashion.
But this book isn't just a finger waving, cautionary tale about watching what you say or do online. Schulman does drive home the point that whatever you share online is essentially there forever, and that you're a fool if you think you have ~control~ over images or posts, and he does firmly advocate for a more offline existence. However, he doesn't preach or talk down to his audience. The problem so often with books of this nature, books about the internet, end up sounding laughably dated almost as soon as they hit print. And I don't know, maybe that will be the case with this one as well once time passes.
However, this book isn't without its flaws. In Real Life reads "young" somehow, I had the feeling this was written for a target audience of young adults (say, 25 and under) if not the YA crowd of high school or even junior high. Also some of the affirmations get a little too doe eyed with their earnestness. There are parts where the book does feel a bit preachy, and more than a little cheesy, dipping whole feet into the Stuart Smalley category of self affirmation parody. And that cheese factor has the potential to drive off the under 21 set. Nothing sets a teenager off quicker than condescending to one, or treating them like they're just a stupid little kid. While this book has a lot to offer for the under 21 set, I worry that the overall tone would prevent that message from being effectively delivered.
But all the same, Schulman's message of learning how to keep yourself safe not just physically but emotionally and psychologically in a world that sometimes feels like it's lived for the 'likes'...that's an important one. What I enjoyed most about this book was the fact it comes clear across the page that Schulman honestly does cares about these issues and the people who are hurting because of them. Sure, there are people who are less than honest online because they're quite frankly horrible and stupid, but for the most part there's a lot of pain. The compassion the author shows for those in pain comes across as very genuine, and I appreciate that.
July 5, 2017
Obviously this book wasn't going to be good, but disappointingly it was also boring. For some reason Shulman decided/was advised to give the most basic and boring tips about how to be online (tell the truth! try to make a real connection!) instead of giving any behind the scenes information about how they make the show.
October 22, 2014
I don't even know where to start, this book is a HUGE wake-up call! If you have internet access and a smartphone then for sure you need to read it. It made me think and re-consider my choices in life, it's somehow like a slap from a friend to make you see things that you mindlessly avoided.
I just hope that I really learn from Nev's experience and do something with my life otherwise I'd be doomed; 'cause all we do all day long is checking social media every ten seconds, God forbid we miss a post, a tweet, or an Instagram photo.
I keep remembering, how many family gathering that I've missed? How many meals with mom that I skipped. How many phone calls that I ignored. How many relationships that I mindlessly ended, sometimes it's not only my fault, I mean after all we all have smartphones and technically we're all in the same shoes. We live in a world where people we don't really know on the internet are more important than childhood friends or family. We live in a world where if you have an arguement with someone and disagree or fight, with one click bam! he's gone --blocked. We live in a world that we rely on devices and social media to remind us about our dear ones' birthdays. And if one of them didn't make it a public infromation, then no one remembers.
We live in a world where popularity is measured with how many likes someone gets.
We live in a world, where instead of enjoying the party you're at or the place you traveled to, or the meal you're eating all you care about is documenting that event with photos and tags, so people who don't really care nor know you can see.
And OH MY GOD! We live in a world when someone dies, instead of crying, or silently grieving or staying with family, they what? They fuckin' post it online!! Your dad/mom/uncle/aunt/sister or brother just died!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR COMPUTER OR SMARTPHONE!!!!!!!
I mean when did that happen?? When it is going to end? Is it ever going to end? I hope so! It's starting to get really annoying to be ignored by your company so they can check who posted what and when! Ugh! It's irritating.
I hope everyone starts reading this amazing book, so this social media thing, ENDS.
P.S: I only talked about the disadvantages of social media. There are of course many
advantages, it only needs control to enjoy them. :)
I just hope that I really learn from Nev's experience and do something with my life otherwise I'd be doomed; 'cause all we do all day long is checking social media every ten seconds, God forbid we miss a post, a tweet, or an Instagram photo.
I keep remembering, how many family gathering that I've missed? How many meals with mom that I skipped. How many phone calls that I ignored. How many relationships that I mindlessly ended, sometimes it's not only my fault, I mean after all we all have smartphones and technically we're all in the same shoes. We live in a world where people we don't really know on the internet are more important than childhood friends or family. We live in a world where if you have an arguement with someone and disagree or fight, with one click bam! he's gone --blocked. We live in a world that we rely on devices and social media to remind us about our dear ones' birthdays. And if one of them didn't make it a public infromation, then no one remembers.
We live in a world where popularity is measured with how many likes someone gets.
We live in a world, where instead of enjoying the party you're at or the place you traveled to, or the meal you're eating all you care about is documenting that event with photos and tags, so people who don't really care nor know you can see.
And OH MY GOD! We live in a world when someone dies, instead of crying, or silently grieving or staying with family, they what? They fuckin' post it online!! Your dad/mom/uncle/aunt/sister or brother just died!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR COMPUTER OR SMARTPHONE!!!!!!!
I mean when did that happen?? When it is going to end? Is it ever going to end? I hope so! It's starting to get really annoying to be ignored by your company so they can check who posted what and when! Ugh! It's irritating.
I hope everyone starts reading this amazing book, so this social media thing, ENDS.
P.S: I only talked about the disadvantages of social media. There are of course many
advantages, it only needs control to enjoy them. :)
September 16, 2021
Holy crap is this book ever relevant and super important. Seriously, if you own a smartphone or have a Facebook account, you need to read this book. ESPECIALLY if you're young. I LOVE Catfish: The TV Show. It's so much fun to see Nev and Max uncover catfish time after time after time. They make such a great pair, and I watch it as much for them as I do for the actual catfish stories. So I was dead excited when Nev's book was announced. I've had it since it was published but have actually only just got around to reading it. It's the perfect companion to Catfish, and I never knew Nev had had such an interesting life.
In Real Life was such a good read. Nev makes tons of great points, but he also peppers the book with his own personal history, and it doesn't make for great reading because he wasn't always the absolutely gorgeous, lovely Nev we all know and love. Sometimes he was a bit of a jerk and a bit of a playboy, and when he was even younger, he was a rascal, and it was strange to read about this side of Nev because it was like he was a totally different person. I mean, I don't know Nev (duh), but the feeling you get when you watch him on Catfish is entirely different, and you can really see how much he's worked to change his life to be a better person n and I applaud him for that. There are no secrets in In Real Life, he lays his life out bare, and I feel like I know him better knowing the man he used to be and seeing how far he's come.
I'm not going to say this book changed my life, as I only just finished it, and that would be a tad bit of an over-exaggeration, but I can defiantly say his advice and writing will help me in the future! Being myself, I am very attached to the internet, and I can't post a picture on Instagram without wondering how many "likes" I will get, and I certainly know I am not the only one who worries over the silliest things like this. This book is so relevant to today's generation. Technology and access to the internet have changed the way we think, not necessarily in a bad way! Nev did such a great job detailing catfish, his past, and how we can overcome letting the internet rule our lives. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone who feels that social media or the internet plays a huge part in their lives.
“Social media has put incredible pressure on the Facebook generation. We’ve made our lives so public to one another, and as a result, we feel pressure to live up to a certain ideal version of ourselves. On social media, everyone is happy and popular and successful—or, at least, we think we need to look like we are. No matter how well off we are, how thin or pretty, we have our issues and insecurities. But none of that shows up online. We don’t like to reveal our weaknesses on social media. We don’t want to appear unhappy or be a drag. Instead, we all post rose-coloured versions of ourselves. We pretend we have more money than we do. We pretend we are popular. We pretend our lives are great. Your status update says I went to a totally awesome party last night! It won’t mention that you drank too much and puked and humiliated yourself in front of a girl you like. It says My sorority sisters are the best! It doesn’t say I feel lonely and don’t think they accept me. I’m not saying everyone should post about having a bad time. But pretending everything is perfect when it’s not doesn’t help anyone. The danger of these kinds of little white lies is that, in projecting the happiness and accomplishments we long for, we’re setting impossible standards for ourselves and others to live up to.”
Nev discusses his turbulent lifestyle before Catfish, how it changed his life and challenged his beliefs, and where he hopes to go from here. He also believes that being duped by an overweight woman with mental health issues out in the midwest provides him with a degree in psychology and a right to lecture people on how they should disconnect from the internet, but in the same breath, will tell you how to go about investigating people on the internet and how the web is such a wonderful tool that people should use in their lives continuously. Considering the internet is the platform in which Nev the Catfish man came to life, he'd be better off not biting the hand that feeds him, in my opinion. I also have qualms about the pseudo-advice that he provides in his book regarding internet etiquette and the investigation of identities. Considering his audience is quite a young one, it might be best not to tell people to "ask for addressees, get contacts from their family and friends, find out where they work, etc. etc.", or else otherwise assume you're being catfished.
There needs to be a bit more of a balance between what is expected from communication with people on the internet, age, and what is appropriate to a particular relationship that has been facilitated from the internet. I have concerns regarding his approach and advocate for keeping details private as much as you can on the internet and divulge only when it feels necessary.
Nev provides lots of information about his douchey behaviour, which I find a puzzling pr move for someone who tends to be the "non-judgmental voice of reason" on his tv show. If you are over the age of 15, expect a lot of eye-rolling and "really, Nev?" when reading this. I assume that the target audience will appreciate his approach mores than perhaps I did.
The book is also, of course, about catfish. We learn more of Nev's personal catfishing story that started the whole mission off (and which I'm dying to see), we learn Nev's tips and tricks for what to do if you want to have an online relationship and figure out if it's real. He's very wise about how our generation (the Millenials) are glued to social media. It's actually really opened my eyes because what he says is right: your online self can be any self you want to be. It isn't the real you. And we need to stop hiding behind our online personas. Otherwise, all these twenty-somethings glued to their iPhones are going to wake up in a year or two and be super lonely, with no friends. It's so true. I love my iPhone, but I'm weaning off social media because it doesn't make me feel better; if anything, it makes me feel worse. It's like 100% of the time, and I'm just talking to myself. And I have that in real life, with no one to talk to, so I hardly need that online, too!
Nev is such an amazing writer, and this is a spot-on read for our age, in which social media is king, but it's all just a popularity contest.
In Real Life was such a good read. Nev makes tons of great points, but he also peppers the book with his own personal history, and it doesn't make for great reading because he wasn't always the absolutely gorgeous, lovely Nev we all know and love. Sometimes he was a bit of a jerk and a bit of a playboy, and when he was even younger, he was a rascal, and it was strange to read about this side of Nev because it was like he was a totally different person. I mean, I don't know Nev (duh), but the feeling you get when you watch him on Catfish is entirely different, and you can really see how much he's worked to change his life to be a better person n and I applaud him for that. There are no secrets in In Real Life, he lays his life out bare, and I feel like I know him better knowing the man he used to be and seeing how far he's come.
I'm not going to say this book changed my life, as I only just finished it, and that would be a tad bit of an over-exaggeration, but I can defiantly say his advice and writing will help me in the future! Being myself, I am very attached to the internet, and I can't post a picture on Instagram without wondering how many "likes" I will get, and I certainly know I am not the only one who worries over the silliest things like this. This book is so relevant to today's generation. Technology and access to the internet have changed the way we think, not necessarily in a bad way! Nev did such a great job detailing catfish, his past, and how we can overcome letting the internet rule our lives. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone who feels that social media or the internet plays a huge part in their lives.
“Social media has put incredible pressure on the Facebook generation. We’ve made our lives so public to one another, and as a result, we feel pressure to live up to a certain ideal version of ourselves. On social media, everyone is happy and popular and successful—or, at least, we think we need to look like we are. No matter how well off we are, how thin or pretty, we have our issues and insecurities. But none of that shows up online. We don’t like to reveal our weaknesses on social media. We don’t want to appear unhappy or be a drag. Instead, we all post rose-coloured versions of ourselves. We pretend we have more money than we do. We pretend we are popular. We pretend our lives are great. Your status update says I went to a totally awesome party last night! It won’t mention that you drank too much and puked and humiliated yourself in front of a girl you like. It says My sorority sisters are the best! It doesn’t say I feel lonely and don’t think they accept me. I’m not saying everyone should post about having a bad time. But pretending everything is perfect when it’s not doesn’t help anyone. The danger of these kinds of little white lies is that, in projecting the happiness and accomplishments we long for, we’re setting impossible standards for ourselves and others to live up to.”
Nev discusses his turbulent lifestyle before Catfish, how it changed his life and challenged his beliefs, and where he hopes to go from here. He also believes that being duped by an overweight woman with mental health issues out in the midwest provides him with a degree in psychology and a right to lecture people on how they should disconnect from the internet, but in the same breath, will tell you how to go about investigating people on the internet and how the web is such a wonderful tool that people should use in their lives continuously. Considering the internet is the platform in which Nev the Catfish man came to life, he'd be better off not biting the hand that feeds him, in my opinion. I also have qualms about the pseudo-advice that he provides in his book regarding internet etiquette and the investigation of identities. Considering his audience is quite a young one, it might be best not to tell people to "ask for addressees, get contacts from their family and friends, find out where they work, etc. etc.", or else otherwise assume you're being catfished.
There needs to be a bit more of a balance between what is expected from communication with people on the internet, age, and what is appropriate to a particular relationship that has been facilitated from the internet. I have concerns regarding his approach and advocate for keeping details private as much as you can on the internet and divulge only when it feels necessary.
Nev provides lots of information about his douchey behaviour, which I find a puzzling pr move for someone who tends to be the "non-judgmental voice of reason" on his tv show. If you are over the age of 15, expect a lot of eye-rolling and "really, Nev?" when reading this. I assume that the target audience will appreciate his approach mores than perhaps I did.
The book is also, of course, about catfish. We learn more of Nev's personal catfishing story that started the whole mission off (and which I'm dying to see), we learn Nev's tips and tricks for what to do if you want to have an online relationship and figure out if it's real. He's very wise about how our generation (the Millenials) are glued to social media. It's actually really opened my eyes because what he says is right: your online self can be any self you want to be. It isn't the real you. And we need to stop hiding behind our online personas. Otherwise, all these twenty-somethings glued to their iPhones are going to wake up in a year or two and be super lonely, with no friends. It's so true. I love my iPhone, but I'm weaning off social media because it doesn't make me feel better; if anything, it makes me feel worse. It's like 100% of the time, and I'm just talking to myself. And I have that in real life, with no one to talk to, so I hardly need that online, too!
Nev is such an amazing writer, and this is a spot-on read for our age, in which social media is king, but it's all just a popularity contest.
January 15, 2016
I liked this book and Nev (because we're on a first name basis and all) makes a lot of great points about both catfishers and their victims. It really does take two to make a deception like that work - the liar and the one who would rather believe the lies than the truth.
He also makes a lot of good points about internet usage and social media. Make an effort to fact check the people who sound too good to be true. And make an effort to check the things you yourself say on the internet.
This is also Nev's own story of making himself a better person. He talks about the movie and the show but also goes into detail about his own life and how he worked to change himself into a nicer, more conscientious person.
The only thing in this book that I disagreed with is the idea the idea that you cannot have a meaningful friendship with someone online. I don't think romantic relationships online are very viable, but it is possible to have friends that you have never met in person or see infrequently. That being said, a true friend (online or in person) would not take advantage of or lie to you about anything significant. There are true friends to be had in the digital world and catfish that you meet face to face. It all comes down to personal judgment.
This book is worth a read - there are definitely some words of wisdom in it.
He also makes a lot of good points about internet usage and social media. Make an effort to fact check the people who sound too good to be true. And make an effort to check the things you yourself say on the internet.
This is also Nev's own story of making himself a better person. He talks about the movie and the show but also goes into detail about his own life and how he worked to change himself into a nicer, more conscientious person.
The only thing in this book that I disagreed with is the idea the idea that you cannot have a meaningful friendship with someone online. I don't think romantic relationships online are very viable, but it is possible to have friends that you have never met in person or see infrequently. That being said, a true friend (online or in person) would not take advantage of or lie to you about anything significant. There are true friends to be had in the digital world and catfish that you meet face to face. It all comes down to personal judgment.
This book is worth a read - there are definitely some words of wisdom in it.
July 21, 2019
A guide about how to connect with people authentically in today's increasingly digital world.
The host of the popular MTV show, Catfish, Nev Schulman opens up about online relationships. The TV show is about finding love online, and Nev and his co-host investigates rather the person is real or lying about who they are.
The book covers what may motivate a catfish, why people fall for catfish, how to avoid being catfished, rules for dating, and more. Some other things this book covers is Nev's back story. We learn about his past and who he was as a person. Also, we learn more about his personal experience being catfished.
I personally picked the ebook out because I seen it was available on Overdrive. After watching the show for a few years, I thought the book would somewhat entertaining. With that being said, I thought this book was ok. Some parts, to me anyway, was more interesting than others. I liked hearing about his back story and his experience rather than the other topics.
However, I do think with the world being so dependent on technology now days, that a book like this could really help some people. This book gives the reminder to step away from your phone and don't forget to actually live your life. 3.5 stars!
The host of the popular MTV show, Catfish, Nev Schulman opens up about online relationships. The TV show is about finding love online, and Nev and his co-host investigates rather the person is real or lying about who they are.
The book covers what may motivate a catfish, why people fall for catfish, how to avoid being catfished, rules for dating, and more. Some other things this book covers is Nev's back story. We learn about his past and who he was as a person. Also, we learn more about his personal experience being catfished.
I personally picked the ebook out because I seen it was available on Overdrive. After watching the show for a few years, I thought the book would somewhat entertaining. With that being said, I thought this book was ok. Some parts, to me anyway, was more interesting than others. I liked hearing about his back story and his experience rather than the other topics.
However, I do think with the world being so dependent on technology now days, that a book like this could really help some people. This book gives the reminder to step away from your phone and don't forget to actually live your life. 3.5 stars!
August 29, 2014
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
While Nev's book doesn't tell us anything new about our internet use, Nev uses his power of celebrity to address a younger audience on the problems that constant internet use can have on our lives. I appreciate that someone so young is sharing his internet experience in a way that a younger generation can understand and take to heart.
Nev also provides some insight into his own life (more than what we've seen on Catfish) which will intrigue Nev fans such as myself. It seems he has worked hard to reinvent himself and exposes a vulnerability that we saw in the Catfish film (but not on the series).
This is an accessible read that will provide some "food for thought" on human interaction and the internet.
I gave it 5 stars because I truly did enjoy the book, and I think Nev is using his powers of celebrity for a good cause.
While Nev's book doesn't tell us anything new about our internet use, Nev uses his power of celebrity to address a younger audience on the problems that constant internet use can have on our lives. I appreciate that someone so young is sharing his internet experience in a way that a younger generation can understand and take to heart.
Nev also provides some insight into his own life (more than what we've seen on Catfish) which will intrigue Nev fans such as myself. It seems he has worked hard to reinvent himself and exposes a vulnerability that we saw in the Catfish film (but not on the series).
This is an accessible read that will provide some "food for thought" on human interaction and the internet.
I gave it 5 stars because I truly did enjoy the book, and I think Nev is using his powers of celebrity for a good cause.
September 6, 2014
While Nev is not a writer by profession, nor an expert on all things human and digital. This book is like a been there done that, and PLEASE learn from my mistakes. I watched Catfish with my friends in college, and we all were shocked by the out come (same goes for the show really). And because of that, and how much I admire Nev I picked up this book. At times it feels juvenile, but the reality TONS of people deal with this, and so many people live life, even with people they know, through their phone and social media. I think that makes this a good read for anyone.
What I liked most was the details of Nev's life he included. He's not perfect, he still apparently can be a jerk, but he's honest about it, and genuinely wants people to lead better lives.
Bottom line, read it. You'll like some part of it, if not all.
What I liked most was the details of Nev's life he included. He's not perfect, he still apparently can be a jerk, but he's honest about it, and genuinely wants people to lead better lives.
Bottom line, read it. You'll like some part of it, if not all.
July 7, 2017
"Consuming other people's content in order to feel more connected and involved actually lowers our chances of making any kind of significant achievement of our own."
I think we are all guilty to some degree of coveting someone else's life via Instagram and endless other online time wasters. This book is a great reminder to take control of your life and follow your dreams, as cliche as that may be. I am definitely feeling like I need to get my butt off the couch and do something. Nev and Max for prez!
I think we are all guilty to some degree of coveting someone else's life via Instagram and endless other online time wasters. This book is a great reminder to take control of your life and follow your dreams, as cliche as that may be. I am definitely feeling like I need to get my butt off the couch and do something. Nev and Max for prez!
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